InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Broken Fates ❯ Schism ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 3: Schism

Kagome's eyes slowly opened, and blinking, she looked around at her room. It was early, yet, the morning light streaming brightly into the room through the curtains, and she felt cheated. Why is the sun shining so brightly... like I have a future, something to look forward to?

Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes as the future loomed over her suddenly like a hated phantom... what joy waited for her? The kami and fate had already taken everything she cared for from her - her heart, her friends, her little Shippo, and even her identity.

Sure she had her family here - but she couldn't even relate to them anymore. Her eyes closed on a silent sigh as she wondered, again, who she really was. Was she just a poor aftershadow of the brilliance that had been Kikyou? Was there anything that was just Kagome, not a poor copy of the past?

She didn't know...

All the times that Inuyasha had taunted her about her pitiful resemblance to his dead lover, all the times Kikyou had spoken spitefully of her status as a hated copy, a pale outline of her ran through Kagome's mind, and a choked sob broke from her as pain crystallized inside her, leaving her feeling as though she'd been shredded by Inuyasha's Adamant Barrage.

At that thought, another sob broke free from her tortured throat. I wish he had just targeted me with it... at least then there'd be no more pain. I'm so tired of hurting...

Wearily, she opened her eyes again. She was still so tired. Her body just couldn't seem to break free from its exhaustion - which was odd on the surface, since it was really her heart and soul that was tired. Her body was fine, in and of itself.

My body... is it really mine? I wonder... is it just a new suit of clothes for her soul? It's all so confusing. I feel like there's two different sides of me, one side just hurts, it doesn't stop, constant pain - and the other side hates... it burns with so much anger. Which side is me... or is any of that me?

With a sigh, she drug herself out of bed, determined to head to the shower. She felt the strong need to feel hot water flowing across her body - the need to scrub her skin, to feel clean again. A part of herself cringed everytime that anger and hatred roiling inside her came to the surface... it burned, like acid, and made the other part of her feel dirty.

Shuffling across the floor, she grabbed the first outfit that came to hand from her closet, and, trying to ignore the smell of food that was making her feel sick, she softly opened her door, hoping to sneak past any family members that might be hovering. She didn't want to see anyone.

Seeing no one, she stumbled into the bathroom and closed and locked the door. Stripping slowly, she turned on the water, heating it 'til it was at its hottest, then stepped into the hot water. It hurt, burned, but she barely noticed as she grabbed the soap and the scrubby and began raking it across her skin, almost rubbing her skin right off.

After awhile, she stopped, a tired sigh pulled from her.

After all that, she still didn't feel clean, and she was beginning to wonder if she ever would again. She almost wanted out of her skin, she felt so tainted. Tears began to run, mingling with the water until the scent of the hot water was overpowered by the smell of salt.

Wonderingly, she put a hand to her face and touched the tears. She tried to stop crying, but the tears just wouldn't stop coming, and she finally gave up, and turning the water off after she finished rinsing her hair, she ignored the tears, and climbed from the shower.

Absently pulling on her clothes, she flinched when someone knocked on the door. "Y-yes?" she managed to choke out.

"Kagome, dear? Are you about done in there? Hojo called a little while ago and wanted to stop by. It might do you good to see a friend." Her mother's voice sounded calm, and she almost wanted to laugh.

How easy for her to sound so calm... and why would I want to see Hojo - or anyone else, for that matter? I wish I could find a way to never see anyone again. It would be so much easier to just go away somewhere and never have to deal with anyone - ever.

"I really don't want company, mother." She opened the door, not caring that tears were still falling from her eyes, not caring who saw her like this. She couldn't stop the tears, so she didn't waste time trying. They'd stop when they were ready, she figured.

Aiko paled a bit as she saw her daughter's ravaged face and the skin on her arms. She looked like she'd been burned. Reaching out a shocked hand, she touched her skin, and raised wide eyes to meet Kagome's gaze. Her skin was burning. It had to hurt, but Kagome didn't appear to be aware of it.

"What did you do, Kagome? Why is your skin so red, and hot?"

"I just took a hot shower, that's all." She shrugged indifferently. "Really, mother, when Hojo comes just tell him I'm not feeling well. I don't want to see anyone." With that, she walked into her room and shut the door.

She stared after her daughter, unable to think past the fear she felt. Her daughter's sanity was in question at this point... and she had the feeling that the next few days would be very telling. With a deep sigh, she stuffed all her worries back into her mind, and walked to Kagome's door.

Opening it, she looked in. "I'm sorry, Kagome, but I'm not going to cover for you. You have to continue with your life - you can't hide forever. He's your friend, and your company. Now come downstairs and eat some breakfast."

Kagome's face paled at the thought of food. "I don't feel like eating, and I don't want to see anyone, why can't you understand that? Kami, I just got done with all that crap in the past, and now your already badgering me?"

Aiko drew herself up. "Kagome Higurashi, you will not argue with me. Now come downstairs." She turned and walked down the stairs, heading for the kitchen.

Kagome flushed with anger, and her tears stopped. "Fine. I'll come downstairs - I'll just get rid of Hojo quickly and then come back up here."

She wandered down the stairs, turning into the living room and seating herself indifferently on the couch. The anger that had flared in her in her room had faded, leaving an empty ache inside, and she folded into herself to hide from it. Something occurred to her then, and she looked around absently.

I wonder where Sota is...

A knock at the door then, and she stood, staring at the doorway for a moment, before lurching forward and sliding it open. Hojo stood on the steps, smiling brightly when he saw her, but that faded as he caught sight of her fully, and a concerned frown crossed his face.

"Higurashi... you don't look too well, maybe you should go back inside and sit down."

"I'm fine, Hojo. What did you want?" Her tone was dead, she had no real interest in his answer, and no intentions of asking him in.

He looked at her uncomfortably for a moment, as if unsure of this new Kagome. "Well, I wanted to see if you would like to come out with me this weekend? I haven't had much of a chance to spend time with my girl."

A surge of rage ran up through her at that, and she gritted her teeth, trying to keep it in. "I am not your girl, Hojo... I don't belong to anyone, and I don't want to. Go find some other woman to chase and leave me alone," she cried out. "Just don't bother me anymore!"

Hojo stepped back in shock. "K-kagome? What's wrong?"

She opened her mouth, ready to start screaming, when her mother grabbed her arm and pulled her gently back. "I'm sorry, Hojo maybe this wasn't a good idea. I'll have to ask you not to come here again for a while... Kagome's suffering the loss of several friends, and it's affected her greatly."

Not waiting for an answer she slid the door shut, taking a violently shaking Kagome and pulling her towards the stairs. It took a few minutes, but she managed to get her back to her room and back into bed. She shook the whole time, and seemed to be unaware of her surroundings.

As soon as she was laid on her bed, she turned over and closed her eyes, and Aiko stepped away, just staring at her for a while.

Shock. She's acting like she's in shock. I hope Yasha calls soon... maybe that uncle of his had some good advice.

I don't know how long I can see her this way, and how long she can be this way before it's too late...

---sSs---

Yasha groaned as he woke, rolling over sleepily, his brow furrowed as the light hit his eyes, and he squinted for a moment at the brightness of the morning sun.

Great, just what I feel like dealing with. Sunny skies and I wish it was grey and raining - at least then it would fit with how I feel inside.

Stretching out against his bed, he threw an arm over his eyes as he closed them and thought about the events of the day before.

After he'd spoken to his parents last night, his father had immediately called Sesshoumaru and spoken to him, wanting to get the benefit of his centuries of wisdom. The first thing he had suggested was a visit by his oldest daughter - a psychologist that had been in practice for years, and who could be trusted to keep the whole thing confidential.

Once she had been appraised, they could go from there. They also had to find a way to get that barrier dropped on the soul orb - it was far too dangerous for her to go much more than a few more days without it... especially in her condition. For that, they'd need a miko... the problem being that there just weren't any miko with true spiritual powers left besides Kagome herself - at least, none that any of them knew of.

He'd bring that up to Kagome's mother... maybe someone else in her family line had at least a token amount... it wouldn't need to be much to break the barrier, Kagome hadn't made it very strong, just strong enough to trap the orb.

A sigh feathered its way past his lips. Why does this have to hurt so much? I'm beginning to hate my past self - that bastard hurt the mate of my heart and now I'm left trying to pick up the pieces that are all him and that wench Kikyou left behind. Feh... this is so damn confusing. I'm pissed at our preincarnations - and my ancestors. I'd love to get my hands on the both of them and slap some sense into them.

His memories sometimes pained him, because he could clearly remember all of the nasty things Inuyasha had done to Kagome - it was one of the things that had always worried him so about her trips into the past. He hated the pain he knew his past self was heaping on her - and what her past self was doing to her.

It was incredible how stupid they'd both been in the past. Had the two been so blind and idiotic that they hadn't realized that in hurting Kagome they'd only been hurting their own futures? It was bad enough for Inuyasha... but for Kikyou? She was supposed to have been this wise, compassionate priestess... and yet, both her and Inuyasha had tortured and tormented Kagome until her soul was torn in two.

He rolled over again, and punched his pillow, hard. Gritting his teeth, he fought back the pain in his chest.

Damn... I can't even blame her for the way she's acting. What the hell were the kami thinking when they pushed her into this? Maybe it would have been better to have left Inuyasha pinned to that damn tree - at least that way, Kagome wouldn't have been torn into pieces. So I wouldn't have been born - at this point, it might have been a blessing not to exist anymore.

Shit... he sighed again, pushing himself into a sitting position, he rubbed his eyes.

This isn't getting me anywhere. No matter what would have been better, this is the way it is... so now I have to find a way to make things right. I can't give up - I love her, and so I will fight for her... because right now she can't fight for herself.

It's up to me.

---sSs---

"Yasha!"

Ears perked, Yasha came out of his room heading for the kitchen and his mother's voice.

"Yeah, mom? What's up?" He raised a brow at her as she nodded her good morning to him.

"You need to call Mrs. Higurashi and tell her what your uncle said - see if she'll agree to let Mika see her. That's the first step."

"I know, mom. I'm gonna go call her now... hold breakfast will ya? I'm gonna need it." He grabbed a piece of toast on his way out. "I think I'm gonna need every bit of strength I have in the coming days," he sighed, staring down at the toast for a moment, before shaking his head and reaching for the phone.

When he hung up a few minutes later, he felt a little bit of hope, and walked back into the kitchen to see his father sitting with his mother, calmly eating breakfast. It was always strange to see his parents together - both of them so dark - and then he with his silver and gold coloring... he more resembled his uncle's side of the family, the silver Inu side.

They both looked up at him expectantly as he came in and took his seat.

"Well?" his mother asked, brow raised as she settled his plate before him and waited for him to speak.

"Keh. Well, she agreed immediately to have Mika see her... apparently things haven't gone well since yesterday, and she's really worried. The good news is that Mrs. Higurashi herself is a miko, although not as powerful as Kagome, she said she's more than strong enough to break the barrier - she just didn't want to do so until she could be sure it wouldn't make matters worse."

He sighed. "Personally, I think she needs to be unconscious before we do it... otherwise she'll fight us - hard. We don't need that."

His father looked thoughtful for a moment, then pulled out his cell phone. "I agree, and I think Sesshoumaru and Mika will, too. Let's see what we can arrange."

Yasha started to eat as he listened in to his father's side of the conversation. He knew he was lucky to have the support of his family - that was one thing he was ultimately glad that he didn't have to go through again... being alone and not having a family at all, like Inuyasha. He couldn't imagine having to go through life that way. Well, okay, yes he could... he just didn't want to.

He looked back at his father as he snapped his phone shut.

"As soon as you finish eating, call Mrs. Higurashi back and tell her that Mika can come this afternoon, around three or so. Sesshoumaru will probably be joining her - and I think, if it's possible, your mother and I should meet Mrs. Higurashi as well. I know it's a houseful, but... we can also keep her busy while Mika sees her - she'll worry less if she's not sitting there alone."

Yasha nodded. "Alright. But I'm going to be there, too.

Etsu smiled at her son. "We wouldn't dream of keeping you away, Yasha. She's your heart - and you can't keep a person separate from their heart."

---sSs---

Kagome sat at her desk, riffling through her old notebooks. Most of them she tossed, they were old school notes, and she didn't need them anymore.

Ha! Like I needed them then, desperately! Spent so much time giving everything I had to that bastard, to help him and everyone else, that I nearly lost any chance of a life here, and all for what?

Her face turned sad then... I wonder... did Sango and Miroku miss me? And whatever happened to my little Shippo? The thought of her tiny kit broke her heart all over again, and a tear ran it's way down her face.

She chuckled softly. Anymore tears and they'll leave permanent grooves in my cheeks...

She pushed her chair back a bit and reached into the last little cubby, pulling out a scruffy, rather torn up spiral notebook, and stared at it for a moment in surprise.

I thought I'd lost this...

Opening it up, the very first page caught her attention, and her eyes followed the lines - this was her book of poetry... things she'd written during the three years of her travels. This one had been written the night she'd saved Kikyou from the miasma...

On the rainy nights I cry... 'cause no one can see my tears
In a thunderstorm I scream... 'cause no one can hear my fears
But still I can't hide this pain that has besotted me...
this terrible feeling that has settled in my heart.
I can hide my tears and my screams, but my shattered heart... I can not hide
I can't hold you, I can't touch you...
How I long to do both, this emptiness inside is killing me.
How I watch as you suffer at the hands of another... knowing how I want
to caress you with my own hands...
I want to show you I can love you, I can heal you.
You've always held my heart... you just never knew it....
you've always controlled my being.
I live for you, you call me friend... How I wish you to call me something more.
My heart races and breaks as you call my name,
for me to meet yet another woman by your side.
I'll cry only when the night cries and scream only when the sky does...
So that no one knows, how its killing me inside...
each time you hold me it renews me... but too soon you leave
Please one day... just... look at me.

How ironic. To find this now...

She tore it out of the notebook and crumbled it up, throwing it on the floor.

So much for that. He won't ever be looking at me again.

Bastard.

More tears slipped down her cheeks, and she wiped them away angrily. Why can't I stop crying?! I've shed enough tears for that jerk to float the Titanic!

She sighed, bitterness searing her. This has got to stop. I don't want to remember him, or her. It's enough to remember Shippo, Sango and Miroku, and Kirara - hell, that ass cost me everything, my friends, and my life. I don't need to give him my tears, too.

She shoved the notebook back on her desk and went to the bed and lay down. I'm still so tired...

Eyes closing as she fell into sleep, she had no clue what was coming. She might wish to forget the past, but the past wasn't about to let her go.

The kami would get their way... and so would Yasha.

One way or another.

Kagome was about to get her soul back, wanted or not.

---sSs---

A/N: The poem above, called One Day, was written by my daughter and used with her permission. I wanted to take a moment here, and thank all those who have reviewed so far, here and at Media miner... it means a lot that you read the story so far, and then spent a little time letting me know what you think.

Ja Ne,

Amber