InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Broken Fates ❯ Going Under ( Chapter 4 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: kanna37 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Psychological / Hentai / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.19.2009 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.5K | Visits: 1.1K | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Psychological / Hentai / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.19.2009 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.5K | Visits: 1.1K | Status: Work In Progress
Chapter 4: Going Under
Sesshoumaru sighed. This was looking like it was going to be a long day already - and it had barely started. He had decided that he needed to know more about what was going on; while he'd indeed met the miko many times in the past, he really didn't know much of what had gone on between Kagome and his baka brother.
The only thing he did know was that it had to have been severe to have caused such a reaction in the miko. He'd had a grudging respect for her since that time in his father's tomb - although he'd never admitted it to her, he considered her the strongest and most honorable human he'd ever met - even considering Rin.
That she was now in such a state made him extremely curious... and one did not leave the youkai Lord of the West curious when he asked for information.
So now, here he sat with his reincarnated brother, now his nephew, trying to figure out where to start.
"Tell me, Yasha... what do you think is the cause of the miko's breakdown?"
Yasha stared out the window, eyes distant as he thought back through his memories - well, Inuyasha's memories.
"I think most of it has to do with how that idiot treated Kagome. Along with the things that Kikyou did to her as well... and then the final rejection from him, was just too much for her. He didn't even give her the chance to take in the fact that Naraku was defeated, let alone say good bye to those she cared about... he just took her to the well, told her about me, took the jewel, and then told her to go."
"Hn." Sesshoumaru raised a brow. He'd always known his brother was an idiot... it was a good thing that his nephew had not inherited that characteristic.
"So, in essence, what you are telling me is that he broke the miko."
Yasha turned and cast him a startled glance. "Uh... yeah, I guess you could say that."
"What I do not understand is how he accomplished this. I knew that he was obnoxious to her - but that should not have been enough to break her - he was obnoxious to most people."
"Well... not so much, Uncle. The truth is, Inuyasha never treated Kikyou, Sango, or pretty much any other woman like he treated Kagome... and yet, she's the one that saved his life, took care of him, and gave him a reason to fight. I have never been able to understand his thinking on the whole thing." He shook his head, aggravated. It was difficult sometimes to articulate his thoughts on this situation.
"I mean, I know what his reasoning was. He was afraid to let anyone close - rejection was his greatest fear. Problem was, Kagome did get too close... and she did it quickly. She became his greatest weakness, and so he did everything he could to push her away. Once Kikyou was brought back though, everything went downhill - and he would never listen to anything said against her."
He frowned at his nephew. "What do you mean, said against her?"
"Kikyou tried to kill Kagome, she stole the jewel shards from her and gave them to Naraku, she taunted and tormented Kagome practically every chance she got, especially in the beginning. Inuyasha knew it, too... he just wouldn't admit it to himself, or anyone else. After awhile, she stopped being so overtly cruel, but she always talked down to her, calling her a 'copy' all the time."
Yasuo stared at his son with shock. "What are you saying, Yasha? These are things I've never heard about my great-grandparents..." he trailed off uncertainly as his son shot him a look.
"Keh! Who do you think I am? I know what I'm talking about. The thing is, Kagome always thought that Inuyasha didn't know about most of this - she never told him - but he did know... he just couldn't bear to bring himself to believe it because of his feelings for Kikyou. I don't suffer from that particular problem - from the memories I have of her, and the knowledge I have of Kagome, I know who the better woman is... I have no liking for Kikyou whatsoever," he growled low in his chest, "nor for my own former incarnation at this point. They've caused a lot of hell for Kagome - and myself, now, too."
His parents exchanged looks with Sesshoumaru. The thought was present amongst all three that maybe Yasha should also have a chat with Mika. This was an almost impossible situation, and it was quickly becoming obvious that he needed all the support he could get.
Things are always darkest just before the dawn... and it was only just after midnight in this little adventure.
Dawn was still a long way off.
---sSs---
Kagome had woken from her little nap after less than an hour - despite the fact that she was still exhausted, she couldn't seem to stay asleep, so finally despairing of gaining any peace in unconsciousness, she grabbed her ipod and sat at her window as she listened to every haunting song she could think of as she softly sang along various words that struck her.
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you
Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
A slight smile crossed her face as she sang that... I guess I am lonely now, huh?
Shaking her head, she listened to the next song.
Oh, yes... this certainly fits, she thought, bitterly.
Now I will tell you what I've done for you,
50 thousand tears I've cried.
screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you,
and you still won't hear me.
Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself,
maybe I'll wake up for once.
not tormented daily defeated by you.
just when I thought I reached the bottom,
I'm dying again.
Well, actually, now that she thought about it, it might be nicer to actually be dead... it would certainly hurt less.
Her thoughts began to roam more as she listened, and after a while, they ended with that Yasha guy, as she took off the headphones and tossed the ipod on her desk. She snorted, anger rising within her as she thought of him.
Didn't any of those fools understand? She'd never been able to get Inuyasha to do so, that was for sure. He'd always seen Kikyou when he'd looked at her, but they were totally different people. So why did all these idiots think she'd just happily hop all over Inuyasha's reincarnation? Just from the little she'd seen yesterday, even though they seemed to talk a lot alike, their personalities were definitely different... just because she'd known Inuyasha, didn't mean she knew this guy.
Frankly, she didn't want to, either. She had no desire to see any male again - in fact, if she could find a place to go that didn't have men, she'd be there in a heartbeat. Maybe fifty or sixty years alone would give her the time to figure herself out. It'd be nice to know who she was... funny thought, that - she'd known when she was younger... before the well, before him. It was just too bad that he'd fucked up her life, and her mind, and apparently with the kami's permission, too.
And then, after denying her heart, they decide to throw her a sop... here, have Inuyasha's reincarnation - ignore the fact that he's a totally different person and all and just be happy you're getting anything.
Hmph.
What did I ever do to deserve this shit?
And then the realization hit her, and she started to laugh... only she couldn't stop, and so she laughed, and cried, and laughed some more.
How ironic.
I was Kikyou. That's what I did to deserve all this... after all, Kikyou was supposed to go to hell, wasn't she?
Guess I just missed the damn 'Welcome to Hell' sign when I arrived here.
She was still laughing when her mother hurried in with a basin of icy water and began splashing it in her face.
Great remedy for hysteria.
Suddenly, Kagome was no longer laughing. She was no longer doing anything.
---sSs---
Aiko was glad that Yasha, his parents, and his Uncle were on their way to her house at this point - despite the fact that she would end up with a houseful, she didn't know how much more she could handle with Kagome being the way she was.
She'd come running minutes earlier after hearing hysterical laughter coming from her daughter's room, only to see her laughing and crying at the same time, not even aware that her mother had entered the room, until she'd been splashed with icy water - and now, she sat, clothes, skin, and hair dripping cold water - completely unaware of any of it.
Aiko was pretty sure that her daughter's mind wasn't even in the same century anymore.
Retrieving a towel from the bathroom closet, she moved back into Kagome's room and began drying her unresponsive daughter as best she could, then stripped her soaked shirt and replaced it with a dry one, and attempted to get her back over to the bed. Luckily for her, Kagome stood and moved her feet as long as she was guided, so she settled her in fairly quickly, then left the room, quietly closing the door behind her.
She didn't want Kagome to wake and hear them all talking about her condition - at this point, there was no telling what she'd do.
She closed her eyes wearily for a moment, then went and joined her father-in-law downstairs to wait for their guests.
It was all they could do, now - wait, and hope those coming could help.
Not for the first time, Aiko wondered whether she should have forbidden Kagome's trips into the past...
---sSs---
Yasha stood on the sidewalk and stared up at the steps leading to the shrine... and Kagome, with ambivalence. He wanted to see her, and he wanted to be near her, he needed it, but he had to admit, he was afraid. There was very little, really, that he feared in this life - the blood of his however many times grandfather, the Inu no Taisho, ran strong in him - truth was, he was stronger than Inuyasha had even been, but he feared the pain Kagome could pour on him... he feared it greatly.
But he would not let that fear conquer him, if he did, he'd not only lose all his own self-respect, but his other half - and that wasn't something he was willing to risk, so, with a glance at his family members that were already heading up the stairs, he firmed his resolve and took the first step.
Funny thing about first steps - they always seemed the hardest; the ones after came much easier, and he was definitely glad for that.
Sesshoumaru had watched his young nephew out of the corner of his eye, knowing that this situation would be the test of his inner strength, and his honor and courage. He was well pleased with the determination he caught in the boys eyes... he suspected that Yasha would need every bit of it before this situation was taken care of.
It was funny, in a way... this boy carried his brother's soul - and yet, he had far more respect for this young male than he ever had for the whelp that had been his brother. Part of Inuyasha's failings had been attributable to his horrible life as a hanyou, but still... he had acted without honor to a female that had only ever honored and cared for him.
Even taking into account that he wasn't the incarnation meant for her, and that sending her home had actually been the right thing to do, the way he'd done it, and all the things he'd done to her over the years, his behavior had just been inexcusable. He could see that Yasha, however, would never do the same things to the miko - she would be treated with honor.
He was truly glad that the idiot he had called a brother was gone, and that instead, his soul was being housed by a much better person. It was too bad that Inuyasha couldn't have been Yasha... he would have been proud to call him brother.
His thoughts moved to his daughter and what she was likely to have to say once she'd seen Kagome. He had the feeling that, even once the initial damage had begun to heal, and she had gotten used to Yasha's presence in her life, it was going to be a long haul... and that her and Yasha together would need counseling, not only for this life, but to help deal with the leftover mess from their past lives.
If only it hadn't been for Naraku, none of this twisted timeline crap would have happened...
Sesshoumaru, Etsu, and Yasuo all looked around with interest as they reached the top of the shrine steps. The main part of the shrine was ahead of them, accessed by several steps a bit to the left. Further to the left on the lower level, there was a smaller shrine.
Etsu glanced at her son.
"So, Yasha, where's the well, and the Goshinboku?"
His head snapped up as he heard his mother's voice. He'd been off in his own little world. "Oh, uh.." he indicated the smaller shrine to their left. "That's the well, and this," he moved forward towards a huge tree, "is the Goshinboku." Indicating the scarring on it's trunk, he said, "That's where Inuyasha was sealed all those years." Once again, he ran his hand across that spot... even in another life, that place always sent shivers down his spine.
Sesshoumaru stared at it for a moment, then turned away. Across the courtyard, there was another set of steps leading to the family's home, and for a moment, his mind went back five hundred years into the past, and he remembered what this place had looked like when it was still wild.
Just as he started to turn, he caught a flash of silver, and he stopped and watched as his daughter moved towards him. Mika was his eldest daughter, and his most accomplished. She was not only a psychologist, able to treat youkai and ningen, but she was also a medical doctor... again, able to treat both races.
Her expertise would be particularly welcome in this situation - after all, the miko was owed a debt for the destruction of Naraku, and for the damage his brother had done to her... and she was destined to be family. He knew that if anyone could help Kagome, it would be Mika.
"You are planning to make her sleep after you speak to her, are you not, Mika? So that her soul can be replaced in her?"
Mika nodded shortly at her father. "Five ml. injection of valium... it will also keep her calm for some time after she wakes, and wear off slowly. As long as she's on no other meds that would interfere, of course."
Yasha shook his head. "She's not on anything, Aunt Mika." He frowned, a guilty, worried look crossing his face. "Are you sure we're doing the right thing by making her take that part of her soul back?"
Mika glanced at the others standing around, then back at Yasha. "Yes. That's part of the reason she's taken this whole thing so badly. She's been too long without her whole soul. Did you know that she's in pain all the time from it? She has been since the day it was taken from her. This is the only way to stop it, because that piece of soul is part of her - part of who she is."
Yasha stared at her for a moment, then his eyes traced to Kagome's window. He knew that it was a part of her - but on the other hand... he sighed, shrugging.
"Alright. Let's do this, then." He waved the group forward. "I'll introduce all of you to the Higurashi's."
---cCc---
Kagome woke slowly, and for a few minutes, she actually felt peaceful... like she was floating, warm and comfortable - content.
And then reality checked back in with her, and her heart sank.
She pulled herself into a sitting position against the wall, so she could look out her window. It was late afternoon, judging by the light, and she looked over at her clock... three-thirty pm. Not that she really cared, truthfully... not like she had anywhere in particular to be - not like she used to.
No more Inuyasha coming through my window hollering about hurrying my lazy ass up anymore... I did what he wanted me to - and then he threw me away. Guess I was always just a tool...
She pulled her knees up to her chest and laid her head down on them, wrapping her arms around herself.
Not really much different here, either. I'm supposed to go to school, get good grades, get a good career, and make lots of money - why? So I honor my family.
But what do I want? I - I don't even know anymore. I don't feel at home here. I can't even talk to my old friends without having to lie about the most of the last three years of my life! None of them has seen or done the things I have - my life here has been too compromised.
I hate that. It was all for nothing. I went and wasted three years of my life and my mental health for an ass who couldn't have cared less as long as he got what he wanted.
It hurts...
And it shouldn't. She snorted suddenly. The kami have decided my fate... too bad they couldn't have just offed me in the battle with Naraku. It would have been kinder of them than this fate they've stuck me with.
She gasped and her eyes widened in shock. Have I really fallen so far that I feel... hatred for the gods?
A single tear ran down her cheek when she realized...
Yes... I have fallen that far. I've lost all my faith... and my identity. I really am going under...
What's left for me now?
She was jerked out of her thoughts by a knock on the door... and her mother's voice calling her name. When she opened the door and came in, Kagome lifted her head and stared in surprise at the woman who followed her mother into the room
It was like looking at a female Sesshoumaru. Same markings, same coloring - just much more feminine features.
Sudden suspicion ran through her and she shrank back against the wall, staring at her mother and the woman warily.
"Who the hell are you?"
---sSs---
A/N: The above lyrics are first, You Don't See Me, by Josie and the Pussycats, and second, Going Under, by Evanescence, which I took the name of this chapter from, as well. As usual, I do not own the songs or have any rights to them.
Amber
Sesshoumaru sighed. This was looking like it was going to be a long day already - and it had barely started. He had decided that he needed to know more about what was going on; while he'd indeed met the miko many times in the past, he really didn't know much of what had gone on between Kagome and his baka brother.
The only thing he did know was that it had to have been severe to have caused such a reaction in the miko. He'd had a grudging respect for her since that time in his father's tomb - although he'd never admitted it to her, he considered her the strongest and most honorable human he'd ever met - even considering Rin.
That she was now in such a state made him extremely curious... and one did not leave the youkai Lord of the West curious when he asked for information.
So now, here he sat with his reincarnated brother, now his nephew, trying to figure out where to start.
"Tell me, Yasha... what do you think is the cause of the miko's breakdown?"
Yasha stared out the window, eyes distant as he thought back through his memories - well, Inuyasha's memories.
"I think most of it has to do with how that idiot treated Kagome. Along with the things that Kikyou did to her as well... and then the final rejection from him, was just too much for her. He didn't even give her the chance to take in the fact that Naraku was defeated, let alone say good bye to those she cared about... he just took her to the well, told her about me, took the jewel, and then told her to go."
"Hn." Sesshoumaru raised a brow. He'd always known his brother was an idiot... it was a good thing that his nephew had not inherited that characteristic.
"So, in essence, what you are telling me is that he broke the miko."
Yasha turned and cast him a startled glance. "Uh... yeah, I guess you could say that."
"What I do not understand is how he accomplished this. I knew that he was obnoxious to her - but that should not have been enough to break her - he was obnoxious to most people."
"Well... not so much, Uncle. The truth is, Inuyasha never treated Kikyou, Sango, or pretty much any other woman like he treated Kagome... and yet, she's the one that saved his life, took care of him, and gave him a reason to fight. I have never been able to understand his thinking on the whole thing." He shook his head, aggravated. It was difficult sometimes to articulate his thoughts on this situation.
"I mean, I know what his reasoning was. He was afraid to let anyone close - rejection was his greatest fear. Problem was, Kagome did get too close... and she did it quickly. She became his greatest weakness, and so he did everything he could to push her away. Once Kikyou was brought back though, everything went downhill - and he would never listen to anything said against her."
He frowned at his nephew. "What do you mean, said against her?"
"Kikyou tried to kill Kagome, she stole the jewel shards from her and gave them to Naraku, she taunted and tormented Kagome practically every chance she got, especially in the beginning. Inuyasha knew it, too... he just wouldn't admit it to himself, or anyone else. After awhile, she stopped being so overtly cruel, but she always talked down to her, calling her a 'copy' all the time."
Yasuo stared at his son with shock. "What are you saying, Yasha? These are things I've never heard about my great-grandparents..." he trailed off uncertainly as his son shot him a look.
"Keh! Who do you think I am? I know what I'm talking about. The thing is, Kagome always thought that Inuyasha didn't know about most of this - she never told him - but he did know... he just couldn't bear to bring himself to believe it because of his feelings for Kikyou. I don't suffer from that particular problem - from the memories I have of her, and the knowledge I have of Kagome, I know who the better woman is... I have no liking for Kikyou whatsoever," he growled low in his chest, "nor for my own former incarnation at this point. They've caused a lot of hell for Kagome - and myself, now, too."
His parents exchanged looks with Sesshoumaru. The thought was present amongst all three that maybe Yasha should also have a chat with Mika. This was an almost impossible situation, and it was quickly becoming obvious that he needed all the support he could get.
Things are always darkest just before the dawn... and it was only just after midnight in this little adventure.
Dawn was still a long way off.
---sSs---
Kagome had woken from her little nap after less than an hour - despite the fact that she was still exhausted, she couldn't seem to stay asleep, so finally despairing of gaining any peace in unconsciousness, she grabbed her ipod and sat at her window as she listened to every haunting song she could think of as she softly sang along various words that struck her.
I wish I was lonely
Instead of just only
Crystal and see-through
And not enough to you
Cause you don't see me
And you don't need me
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would
A slight smile crossed her face as she sang that... I guess I am lonely now, huh?
Shaking her head, she listened to the next song.
Oh, yes... this certainly fits, she thought, bitterly.
Now I will tell you what I've done for you,
50 thousand tears I've cried.
screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you,
and you still won't hear me.
Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself,
maybe I'll wake up for once.
not tormented daily defeated by you.
just when I thought I reached the bottom,
I'm dying again.
Well, actually, now that she thought about it, it might be nicer to actually be dead... it would certainly hurt less.
Her thoughts began to roam more as she listened, and after a while, they ended with that Yasha guy, as she took off the headphones and tossed the ipod on her desk. She snorted, anger rising within her as she thought of him.
Didn't any of those fools understand? She'd never been able to get Inuyasha to do so, that was for sure. He'd always seen Kikyou when he'd looked at her, but they were totally different people. So why did all these idiots think she'd just happily hop all over Inuyasha's reincarnation? Just from the little she'd seen yesterday, even though they seemed to talk a lot alike, their personalities were definitely different... just because she'd known Inuyasha, didn't mean she knew this guy.
Frankly, she didn't want to, either. She had no desire to see any male again - in fact, if she could find a place to go that didn't have men, she'd be there in a heartbeat. Maybe fifty or sixty years alone would give her the time to figure herself out. It'd be nice to know who she was... funny thought, that - she'd known when she was younger... before the well, before him. It was just too bad that he'd fucked up her life, and her mind, and apparently with the kami's permission, too.
And then, after denying her heart, they decide to throw her a sop... here, have Inuyasha's reincarnation - ignore the fact that he's a totally different person and all and just be happy you're getting anything.
Hmph.
What did I ever do to deserve this shit?
And then the realization hit her, and she started to laugh... only she couldn't stop, and so she laughed, and cried, and laughed some more.
How ironic.
I was Kikyou. That's what I did to deserve all this... after all, Kikyou was supposed to go to hell, wasn't she?
Guess I just missed the damn 'Welcome to Hell' sign when I arrived here.
She was still laughing when her mother hurried in with a basin of icy water and began splashing it in her face.
Great remedy for hysteria.
Suddenly, Kagome was no longer laughing. She was no longer doing anything.
---sSs---
Aiko was glad that Yasha, his parents, and his Uncle were on their way to her house at this point - despite the fact that she would end up with a houseful, she didn't know how much more she could handle with Kagome being the way she was.
She'd come running minutes earlier after hearing hysterical laughter coming from her daughter's room, only to see her laughing and crying at the same time, not even aware that her mother had entered the room, until she'd been splashed with icy water - and now, she sat, clothes, skin, and hair dripping cold water - completely unaware of any of it.
Aiko was pretty sure that her daughter's mind wasn't even in the same century anymore.
Retrieving a towel from the bathroom closet, she moved back into Kagome's room and began drying her unresponsive daughter as best she could, then stripped her soaked shirt and replaced it with a dry one, and attempted to get her back over to the bed. Luckily for her, Kagome stood and moved her feet as long as she was guided, so she settled her in fairly quickly, then left the room, quietly closing the door behind her.
She didn't want Kagome to wake and hear them all talking about her condition - at this point, there was no telling what she'd do.
She closed her eyes wearily for a moment, then went and joined her father-in-law downstairs to wait for their guests.
It was all they could do, now - wait, and hope those coming could help.
Not for the first time, Aiko wondered whether she should have forbidden Kagome's trips into the past...
---sSs---
Yasha stood on the sidewalk and stared up at the steps leading to the shrine... and Kagome, with ambivalence. He wanted to see her, and he wanted to be near her, he needed it, but he had to admit, he was afraid. There was very little, really, that he feared in this life - the blood of his however many times grandfather, the Inu no Taisho, ran strong in him - truth was, he was stronger than Inuyasha had even been, but he feared the pain Kagome could pour on him... he feared it greatly.
But he would not let that fear conquer him, if he did, he'd not only lose all his own self-respect, but his other half - and that wasn't something he was willing to risk, so, with a glance at his family members that were already heading up the stairs, he firmed his resolve and took the first step.
Funny thing about first steps - they always seemed the hardest; the ones after came much easier, and he was definitely glad for that.
Sesshoumaru had watched his young nephew out of the corner of his eye, knowing that this situation would be the test of his inner strength, and his honor and courage. He was well pleased with the determination he caught in the boys eyes... he suspected that Yasha would need every bit of it before this situation was taken care of.
It was funny, in a way... this boy carried his brother's soul - and yet, he had far more respect for this young male than he ever had for the whelp that had been his brother. Part of Inuyasha's failings had been attributable to his horrible life as a hanyou, but still... he had acted without honor to a female that had only ever honored and cared for him.
Even taking into account that he wasn't the incarnation meant for her, and that sending her home had actually been the right thing to do, the way he'd done it, and all the things he'd done to her over the years, his behavior had just been inexcusable. He could see that Yasha, however, would never do the same things to the miko - she would be treated with honor.
He was truly glad that the idiot he had called a brother was gone, and that instead, his soul was being housed by a much better person. It was too bad that Inuyasha couldn't have been Yasha... he would have been proud to call him brother.
His thoughts moved to his daughter and what she was likely to have to say once she'd seen Kagome. He had the feeling that, even once the initial damage had begun to heal, and she had gotten used to Yasha's presence in her life, it was going to be a long haul... and that her and Yasha together would need counseling, not only for this life, but to help deal with the leftover mess from their past lives.
If only it hadn't been for Naraku, none of this twisted timeline crap would have happened...
Sesshoumaru, Etsu, and Yasuo all looked around with interest as they reached the top of the shrine steps. The main part of the shrine was ahead of them, accessed by several steps a bit to the left. Further to the left on the lower level, there was a smaller shrine.
Etsu glanced at her son.
"So, Yasha, where's the well, and the Goshinboku?"
His head snapped up as he heard his mother's voice. He'd been off in his own little world. "Oh, uh.." he indicated the smaller shrine to their left. "That's the well, and this," he moved forward towards a huge tree, "is the Goshinboku." Indicating the scarring on it's trunk, he said, "That's where Inuyasha was sealed all those years." Once again, he ran his hand across that spot... even in another life, that place always sent shivers down his spine.
Sesshoumaru stared at it for a moment, then turned away. Across the courtyard, there was another set of steps leading to the family's home, and for a moment, his mind went back five hundred years into the past, and he remembered what this place had looked like when it was still wild.
Just as he started to turn, he caught a flash of silver, and he stopped and watched as his daughter moved towards him. Mika was his eldest daughter, and his most accomplished. She was not only a psychologist, able to treat youkai and ningen, but she was also a medical doctor... again, able to treat both races.
Her expertise would be particularly welcome in this situation - after all, the miko was owed a debt for the destruction of Naraku, and for the damage his brother had done to her... and she was destined to be family. He knew that if anyone could help Kagome, it would be Mika.
"You are planning to make her sleep after you speak to her, are you not, Mika? So that her soul can be replaced in her?"
Mika nodded shortly at her father. "Five ml. injection of valium... it will also keep her calm for some time after she wakes, and wear off slowly. As long as she's on no other meds that would interfere, of course."
Yasha shook his head. "She's not on anything, Aunt Mika." He frowned, a guilty, worried look crossing his face. "Are you sure we're doing the right thing by making her take that part of her soul back?"
Mika glanced at the others standing around, then back at Yasha. "Yes. That's part of the reason she's taken this whole thing so badly. She's been too long without her whole soul. Did you know that she's in pain all the time from it? She has been since the day it was taken from her. This is the only way to stop it, because that piece of soul is part of her - part of who she is."
Yasha stared at her for a moment, then his eyes traced to Kagome's window. He knew that it was a part of her - but on the other hand... he sighed, shrugging.
"Alright. Let's do this, then." He waved the group forward. "I'll introduce all of you to the Higurashi's."
---cCc---
Kagome woke slowly, and for a few minutes, she actually felt peaceful... like she was floating, warm and comfortable - content.
And then reality checked back in with her, and her heart sank.
She pulled herself into a sitting position against the wall, so she could look out her window. It was late afternoon, judging by the light, and she looked over at her clock... three-thirty pm. Not that she really cared, truthfully... not like she had anywhere in particular to be - not like she used to.
No more Inuyasha coming through my window hollering about hurrying my lazy ass up anymore... I did what he wanted me to - and then he threw me away. Guess I was always just a tool...
She pulled her knees up to her chest and laid her head down on them, wrapping her arms around herself.
Not really much different here, either. I'm supposed to go to school, get good grades, get a good career, and make lots of money - why? So I honor my family.
But what do I want? I - I don't even know anymore. I don't feel at home here. I can't even talk to my old friends without having to lie about the most of the last three years of my life! None of them has seen or done the things I have - my life here has been too compromised.
I hate that. It was all for nothing. I went and wasted three years of my life and my mental health for an ass who couldn't have cared less as long as he got what he wanted.
It hurts...
And it shouldn't. She snorted suddenly. The kami have decided my fate... too bad they couldn't have just offed me in the battle with Naraku. It would have been kinder of them than this fate they've stuck me with.
She gasped and her eyes widened in shock. Have I really fallen so far that I feel... hatred for the gods?
A single tear ran down her cheek when she realized...
Yes... I have fallen that far. I've lost all my faith... and my identity. I really am going under...
What's left for me now?
She was jerked out of her thoughts by a knock on the door... and her mother's voice calling her name. When she opened the door and came in, Kagome lifted her head and stared in surprise at the woman who followed her mother into the room
It was like looking at a female Sesshoumaru. Same markings, same coloring - just much more feminine features.
Sudden suspicion ran through her and she shrank back against the wall, staring at her mother and the woman warily.
"Who the hell are you?"
---sSs---
A/N: The above lyrics are first, You Don't See Me, by Josie and the Pussycats, and second, Going Under, by Evanescence, which I took the name of this chapter from, as well. As usual, I do not own the songs or have any rights to them.
Amber