InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Broken Fates ❯ Devil's Advocate ( Chapter 9 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
Chapter 9: Devil's Advocate

"So where do you want me to put this, gramps?"

The old man looked up from the scroll he was reading, and considered the box she was holding carefully. Finally, just as she was getting ready to put it down, he tilted his head at the shelf behind her.

"Put it there, second shelf, on the side nearest the door, granddaughter. That way it is easily acccessible." As she turned to do as he'd bid, he cast a sharp glance her way. It had been almost two weeks since she'd told Aiko and the others to leave her alone, and in all that time, she'd barely spoken - even to her mother.

He and Sota, on the other hand, she'd had no problems with, and she'd spent most of her days with him in the shrine helping him out. He had to say, the help was welcome, however, things seemed to be at a stalemate with her recovery, and he felt it was time to start prodding her - just a bit.

While most of his sympathy lay with her, he knew that she needed to work out all of the frustrations that she was feeling over the others refusals to tell her the things she wanted to know. He knew for a fact that her memory had started returning, and that most of what was left for her to remember was the main facts of the story - and placing all the momories in the right order, and time frames.

All things he could help with.

On the other hand, he knew his granddaughter, and he knew how she was feeling at this point, as well as just how to get her to see things the right way up. The others had all tried forcing her to see their side of the story - but the best way to do it was to let her ask questions, answer, then let her say what she felt about it. At that point, he could question her and give another perspective - leading to her getting both sides of the story.

Sneaky, and definitely round-about, but it was the only way to get Kagome to not only see things from the other side, but not get combative about it when she finally realized that she had been wrong about the situation.

And as much as he did sympathize with her on the situation she found herself in, as he'd told his daughter-in-law and the others that day two weeks ago, it wasn't what had been done to her, but how it had been done. In all fairness, he felt that what Inuyasha had told her had been correct - she did belong here, with Yasha, not five hundred years in the past with Inuyasha.

It was time to get her to begin the path to understanding that.

It wasn't going to be quick, and it wasn't going to be easy, but it had to be done.

Then there was the other part - the severe inferiority complex she had over her past incarnation. She would have to come to terms with things as they were - and learn not to fear being who she was, is, and always will be.

One soul... many lives. Not one any better or more important than any of the others - just more 'mature', so to speak.

He sighed, then. There was a long road ahead of them, and it wasn't getting any shorter. Time to stop thinking...

It was time to start doing.

He chuckled internally as his stomach growled.

Right after lunch.

---cCc---

"So, granddaughter... tell me. What do you think of that young man - what was his name again... Yasha. Yes, that was it." Hikari kept his gaze on what he was doing, acting casual about his words.

Kagome stopped what she was doing for a moment, but didn't look at her grandfather. This was the first time he'd brought up the situation, directly or indirectly, and because of that, it didn't occur to her to refuse to answer.

She still trusted him, unlike her mother at this point.

"Well... I'm not sure. It's all so confusing, you know? I won't lie," she said, finally looking down at her hands for a moment, "I find him beyond attractive... but for some reason, I can't bring myself to trust him fully. Not like I think he's gonna physically harm me or steal anything from the shrine - not like that, but... there's some major, I don't know," she sounded frustrated, "thing that lies between us, and that I can't allow him to get anywhere near me - for my own sanity's sake."

Hikari nodded. "And do you have any idea why you feel that way?"

"I... I think so," she said, hesitantly. "Actually, I'm pretty sure it has something to do with that Inuyasha person they told me about - and that woman named Kikyou. What I'm missing is what links Yasha to them."

He met Kagome's gaze straight on a that. "And what do you think is your link to Inyasha and kikyou?"

Kagome sighed, once again looking at her hands as she fidgited with them. She wouldn't meet his gaze. Finally, she said, "I was in love with Inuyasha, wasn't I? And he was in love with that other woman. He left me for her. And now they're both dead."

Hikari nodded his head, and turned, looking down at the artifacts on the table before him. "So you have remembered that much, have you? It seems that there are only a few things left for you to remember, child." Casting a glance back at her over his shoulder, he asked, "Have you figured out, then, why your mother and Yasha - and Mika were concerned, not wanting to tell you of these things?"

She started to flush with annoyance, and opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, he interrupted.

"Tell me, child. If you were in your mother's shoes, and you had a daughter that had just gone through something so traumatic that she had lost her memory, and then wanted to be told of it too soon before she had been given the chance to just be, so she could begin to heal, what would you choose to do?"

She lifted her head, opening her mouth to respond, but then blinked, and closed her mouth again, unsure of what to say. What would she do?

She frowned at herself as she thought about it.

I would do what I thought was best, that's what. But just because I thought it was best, wouldn't mean I was right - and my daughter would probably be mad at me, too. Just like I got with Mama.

She felt a bit ashamed of herself, then, and Hikari nodded to himself as he caught her expression. As hard as what she was going through was, there was no point in taking things out on people that had done nothing wrong. He may not really like the way Aiko and the others had been dealing with things, but the truth was, who knew which way was right in this situation? He was pretty sure no one had ever had to deal with anything like this before - so it was uncharted territory - for all of them.

It was time that Kagome began to understand that her family - and that included the Taisho's, were not trying to harm her, but to help her. They all had to work together on this, or she would never be able to heal fully.

While he might find it a bit annoying that the kami had ordained his granddaughter to be with a youkai - or even part of one, he wouldn't argue... and as time went on, Kagome would find it harder and harder to resist Yasha. That was the way it should be - it was time she started spending a little bit of time around the boy. That closeness would help when she finally remembered the rest of what had happened.

"What did Yasha tell you was his relationship to you? Or has he spoken of such yet?"

She shook her head to clear it of her thoughts, and concentrated on what he was asking her. "What?"

"The boy. Did you ask him who he was to you... why he ws here in the first place?"

"Oh! Uh... yeah." She blushed and looked away, once again taking up the duster she'd dropped to go to lunch, and began going over the shelves absently with it.

"Well?" He rolled his eyes - getting the girl to talk was like pulling teeth. Definitely not usual for her... normally she was a chatterbox.

She coughed, embarrassed and confused. "He said that he was my husband in a past life - and that he would be in this life, too... that it was fated by the kami." She shook her head. "But I don't want to marry someone just because the kami said so, gramps! I want to choose for myself!"

Hikari chuckled, turning to look at her, he gave her an amused wink. "Child, just because the kami know who you are going to be with in each life doesn't mean they are taking the choice away from you - it just means that they know who you are going to choose. Tell me. When you take Sota to the store and offer him his choice of pocky - you know he's going to choose the strawberry, right?" At her nod, he continued. "Does that mean, then, that you made the choice for him, just because you knew he would choose so?"

Eyes wide, she stared at him, then turned her head and stared out the door, and into the distance.

I... never thought of it that way. Have I been acting like a fool? And yet, even though he's right - my heart still tells me that there is one main piece to this puzzle that I am not seeing yet - and that it's one I need to know before I can just trust everyone again.

This is still so confusing...

I guess I have a lot to think about.

"I guess I see your point, gramps, but I still feel something inside me telling me to hold back - there's something else, something important, that I need to know. I think... that it's this one thing that caused me the most grief, and until I remember it, things are going to stay in limbo."

Hikari looked down for a moment, then back up, turning his gaze out to the sacred tree, he said, "All the answers that you need are inside you, child. Do not look to others for them - because no one else can tell you what's in your soul." He laid a peculiar emphasis on the last word, and it echoed loudly inside her.

My soul... is it there that my answers are to be found?

Her eyes lost focus on her surroundings as she lost herself in thought, and Hikari nodded to himself. He'd said what he could - the rest was up to her.

"Go, granddaughter. Take some time, sit beneath Goshinboku, and meditate. Let the peace of the sacred tree envelop you, and help you find your answers. I can finish here alone today."

She smiled uncertainly at him, setting the duster down, she asked, "Are you sure, gramps?"

He made a shooing motion with his hands and smiled back at her. "Yes, child, I'm sure. Finding the beginning of your path is far more important than dusting right now. When you have found some of your answers, come back and talk to me - use me as a sounding board, or even just to rant about whatever upsets you."

"Thank you, grandfather." She bowed formally, giving him all the respect he was due as her elder, her family, and the priest of the shrine, then turned and moved away, heading for the sacred tree as he'd bid her to do.

I'm glad he's so wise - even if I've never really paid attention 'til now. I just wish mama had done what he's doing... it would have made things easier for me to understand.

I guess I'm one of those that you can lead to water, but you can't make drink.

She shook her head ruefully at herself.

Too stubborn, I guess. Just like the rest of this family.

---
cCc---

Yasha had watched and listened to everything the old man had said, and he had to admit, his respect for the old guy had just gone way up. He knew just how to handle Kagome to get her to listen, and think, considering the other side of the story, rather than shutting her mind and heart to anything other than her own side of things.

He was gonna have a talk with Mika about this. It looked like she wouldn't be needed as much... the old man could get through to Kagome a lot faster than any of the rest of them. At this rate, the only thing that they might need her help with was basically couple's counseling... but that wouldn't come until Kagome had remembered everything, and come to accept what had happened in the past, and herself, fully.

Until then, he was perfectly content to let her grandfather handle her.

He chuckled for a moment. It was a good thing that he'd learned to control his aura and his youki completely, because otherwise, Kagome would probably have killed him. She'd told him to stop hovering around and following her... as if that was gonna happen.

He'd been waiting for years to finally be the only one following her around, and be damned if he was going to give that up now that Inuyasha was gone for good. He'd hated having to hide not only from her, but his past self as well - and stand around knowing that it was someone other than him that was watching over her, spending time with her, and caring for her. Loving her.

Because, as much as Inuyasha had belonged to Kikyou, he had loved Kagome just as much. It was there, in all his memories. It had truly frustrated and confused him, trying to figure out which one he wanted to be with, and he'd never have been able to choose if the realities of the situation hadn't been brought to his attention.

The thing was, he would never have agreed to let her go to anyone else. The only reason that he had agreed to give her up in the end was because he knew that he was giving her up to himself, when you got right down to it. A stronger, smarter version, true, but still, himself. That's why he'd told her that 'he would be waiting for her'. He'd meant just that.

If it had been anyone else that they wanted him to let her go to... it wouldn't have happened. He'd have killed someone first.

Sometimes, he had to admit, the whole thing was confusing to him, too. But he no longer fought it... after all, he'd had years to get used to it, and think about it, and he pretty much understood the whole thing as well as anyone could. Kagome, on the other hand, had basically had the whole thing dropped in her lap, and her preincarnation had really been a bitch about the whole thing - because she'd been too stupid to realize that, in the end, she was only hurting herself.

Kikyou really hadn't been all that bright, and Inuyasha had finally figured that out. She'd also had a bit of a mean streak, and it was that that finally had gotten him to understand that she had a long way to go to become the beautiful person that Kagome was inside.

It took a while, and a lot of harsh lessons for Kikyou, but by the time of her death, she had changed greatly, and figured out just how badly she'd messed things up. She had admitted that she felt a fool... and wished she could change her actions towards Kagome.

Too little, too late, as it turned out. But, bottom line, Kagome had to finally, once and for all, forgive herself.

That's what it all boiled down to. She had a different personality in this life, and that was all well and good, but if she didn't figure it out, her soul would remain split inside her for the rest of this life...

And that was just not acceptable.

He looked up at the sky ruefully.

Why couldn't all you Kami in all your supposed wisdom make this reincarnation thing a little easier to understand... and accept?

He shook his head at that thought. Nothing was ever easy when it came to dealing with the gods.

Reality sucks sometimes. Actually, lately, it sucks most of the time.

---cCc---

Kagome was silent for the rest of that day, obviously lost in her thoughts. Everyone gave her a wide berth, and left her to it, after Hikari had gotten ahold of her mother and told her to keep everyone away from her.

Whatever the case, Kagome was glad of it, and after dinner, she gave her brother an absent pat on the head, then nodded quietly to everyone before heading upstairs to her room. There was so much swirling around inside her that she couldn't really concentrate on anything else.

For some reason, tonight she felt... lonely. Not just lonely - she felt alone. Anyone with any experience could tell you that they were two different things. With a deep, poignant sigh, she sat down in her window, and stared out a the night sky.

Wrapping her arms around herself, the pathetic thought that she had no one to wrap their arms around her passed through her mind.

She chuckled at herself, a hollow, cold sound that fractured the sense of peace that had surrounded her for most of the day. She couldn't help the sense of sadness that rolled over her then - even though she didn't know where the feelings were coming from at this point, it didn't seem to matter.

It was like being plunged into icy water, as depression set in, and she knew that something inside her was getting ready to break open. It seemed that whatever secrets her mind had been hiding from her were about to be revealed...

If they were so bad that she felt this horrible before her mind even woke up, she wasn't sure she even wanted to remember.

She was just plain tired of hurting.

Too bad...

Something dark and malicious echoed through her, and she shivered then.

Something wicked this way comes...