InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Broken Fates ❯ Just Friends ( Chapter 18 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 18: Just Friends

Yasha was sitting in his favorite spot in the goshinboku, lost in the few memories he had of Kagome. Well, he had a lot of memories of her, but in none of them, was there any interaction between the two of them.

And that was because she couldn't see him. Because of the past - and the well. So he'd spent most of his life protecting her, loving her - all from afar, and hoping that the whole nightmare would someday end.

It had, sure enough - but not with the results he'd hoped for.

Instead of her finally being free to live her life again, free to meet him, free to get to know him, and someday love him as he did her, she'd been even further trapped by the past - trapped in pain, heartbroken and filled with anger towards his own past self.

And because of that, she'd rejected even the thought of getting to know him.

Things with her had eventually eased up - at least now she didn't burn with hatred every time she saw him, but beyond that, there wasn't much contact. When they did cross paths, she was polite... but distant, and every day spent watching that look in her eye hurt more and more.

It had left him feeling like parts of himself were being eaten away - and he didn't know if he could ever heal from this. There was just too much that hurt, now.

He sighed, and lowered his head to rest on his knees. Some days, it was all he could do to get out of bed - and the only reason he was here now, was because Shippo had called and asked him to meet him here, so now he was just trying to keep out of Kagome's way while waiting. He just couldn't stand the thought of that distant look in her eye directed at him - he hurt enough already.

It would have been better if I'd left after hauling her out of the well. At least then, she could move on with her life... and I - I could have... who am I fooling? I'd have spent the rest of her life following her from a distance, protecting her, and then thrown myself from a fucking cliff when she finally died.

He chuckled bitterly.

After all, what am I without her?

Nothing.

---cCc---

Shippo was excited.

After the talk he'd had with Kagome the other day, he'd left her alone to contemplate the things he'd told her, all the while hoping that she'd agree to begin hanging out with him - and Yasha.

It was readily apparent that the poor guy was suffering badly, and Shippo hated to watch it. He was in love with Kagome, there was no denying that - it overlaid everything the male did or said. Everything was about her - about keeping her safe, and trying to make her happy.

But it was wearing on him - to love the girl so much and yet be treated as though he had a contagious disease - a person could only take so much, and Yasha was wilting... hard. He needed an infusion of hope desperately, and moving forward in any way into some sort of positive relationship with Kagome could only help.

Thus, Shippo's plan.

Get Kagome to be willing to be friends, and spend time with him. From there, he was pretty damn sure that she would eventually come to fall in love with him, herself. After all, she'd fallen for Inuyasha, and as he'd told her, Yasha was like Inuyasha - only as he could have been if he hadn't been so broken when she'd found him and pulled him from that tree.

It was sometimes hard to believe that Yasha was really a reincarnation of Inuyasha - Yasha was everything that Inuyasha should have been - different, but the same.

Kikyou and Kagome, however - those two were a totally different story.

Kagome was nothing like Kikyou. Kikyou had been self-centered, full of jealousy and hatred, and even once she was restored, she'd taken a great deal of entertainment in putting down her reincarnation every chance she'd gotten - even after Kagome had gone. She'd gloated, more than once, from what he'd been told, about how Kagome had lost out because she wasn't good enough for anything.

He'd heard that towards the end of her life, she'd begun to feel badly for how she'd behaved, but Shippo scoffed at that idea: it was more like she'd realized that she was about to die - and be reborn as that same person she'd treated so badly. She probably worried about the suffering that she was about to heap on... herself.

Stupid wench, anyway. Never could understand how Inuyasha could force himself to be around her. Although I gathered from what Sango told me, the few times they were around the two after Kagome left that anytime Kikyou made a bad comment about Kagome, Inuyasha would go ballistic on her. I actually woulda loved to see that...

He chuckled at the visual he got from that one. Yeah, he would really have loved to see that bitch get put in her place.

He looked up from his musings and realized that he had already reached the shrine, and bolting up the steps, he headed for the tree... he could feel Yasha's youki coming from there - youki that was dark and swirled with misery and anguish.

Got to put a stop to that, right now.

"Oi, Yasha, get your butt down here, man, and stop acting like your best friend just died - you wanna get Kagome all depressed again?"

He grinned as the hanyou dropped from the tree and grabbed his shirt.

"Don't fuck with me, Shippo, what the hell do you mean by that?"

"I mean, you baka, that Kagome has agreed to start hanging out with both of us... she's willing to be friends with you. For right now, that's what you're gonna get, but, if you're as smart as I think you are, you'll find a way to sneak your way into her heart." He smacked him on the head until Yasha let go of his shirt. "Or am I giving you too much credit?"

Yasha froze as he took in what Shippo was saying, and hope, so long denied, thumped through his broken heart, leaving him almost light-headed with happiness.

"She's really willing to be around me?" He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "You mean it, right? This isn't a joke or anything, is it?"

At that, Shippo frowned and smacked him in the head again. "What the hell, Yasha? Fuck, do you really think I'd do something like that? Sure, I like a good joke, but I know what to use for them, and what not to use. Shit," he mumbled, "I can't believe you even asked me that."

The hanyou flushed and lowered his head, ashamed. "Sorry, man... it's just - this has been a really hard road, and I'm starting to lose all sense of proportion in things."

Shippo nodded. "Forget it, Yasha. It's okay - just don't fuck this whole thing up, got it?" Clapping him on the shoulder, he said, "Wait here - I'll go get our girl."

Yasha swallowed hard, almost afraid to see her, and yet excitement hit him, making him clench his fists hard.

Gods, please... please let this be a good beginning, finally - let both of us find some peace. It's not like we haven't suffered enough...

---cCc---

Kagome was flustered.

Badly.

This was the first time that she would be willingly spending a day in Yasha's company. Of course, Shippo would be there as a buffer, so to speak, but still... in a way, this one day was really bringing it home that she was here, in her birth era, and that everything she'd been living for the last several years was gone, done - over.

Sango and Miroku, Kaede... Inuyasha - they were all dead and gone, they'd lived their entire lives out there, in the distant past - and she'd missed all of it.

Now... she was having to figure out how to live her life in the present - a life that she didn't really fit into anymore. Oh sure, she knew how to live here, how to get along - but she didn't fit in anymore.

None of this stuff was really important.

When you've spent years chasing down an evil being of the likes of Naraku, and fighting for your life everyday, listening to your old friends yap about boys and clothes just made you sick... and bored. She didn't have anything in common with her old school friends anymore - and she didn't really want to be around them.

She didn't hate them, or anything like that, she just didn't fit with them now.

And that was where it was such a blessing to have Shippo, and Kirara.

True, Kirara couldn't just come and hang with them anywhere unless they were at Shippo's place or her own, but at least she was there. And Shippo - he knew the things she went through, because he shared those experiences with her.

Yasha... well, that was where things got sticky. Sure, he had Inuyasha's memories, most of them, anyway, but it wasn't quite the same. While he could talk about those things as well as Shippo could, it was still different, because he was talking about someone elses memories, not his own.

In a way, as Kagome thought about it, she almost felt sorry for him. Once again, he was put into a position of being caught between two worlds, part of both - and yet fitting fully into neither... come to think of it, she was kinda in the same boat, on a different end of the spectrum.

Sheesh.

She scowled as she thought about it... couldn't the damn kami find some other people to fuck with?

As far as she was concerned, they'd gotten enough entertainment out of her and the predicament that she'd found herself in - they needed to move on and find someone else to friggin pick on.

She stared thoughtfully out her bedroom window, waiting for Shippo to arrive, and almost absently noted Yasha's presence in the goshinboku. She frowned as she felt his aura... he was really not feeling very happy, and she felt kinda bad about that, if the truth were to be told.

It wasn't that she could help how she felt about the situation she found herself in, and she couldn't and wouldn't fake feelings for a guy she didn't even really know - but she could feel bad for him, she wasn't the type to enjoy another person's suffering.

Not even the reincarnation of the person who'd put her heart through hell and back.

Reincarnation of Inuyasha or not, it wasn't Yasha's fault, what Inu had put her through, and not really his either.

As hard as it was to admit... she should never have allowed herself to love the hanyou.

She was from the future, he was from the past, and they were not meant for each other. If they had been, Kikyou would never have been able to come between them.

So... that left Yasha.

She knew what he hoped for, and she just didn't think she could give him what he wanted. Even touching him was hard for her, because, no matter how distant, he still carried Kikyou's DNA, and even the thought of that woman had Kagome in an uproar - similar to a pissed off cat, if she had fur, it'd be fluffed out at every mention of that horrible bitch.

Not to mention, that somewhere inside him, was a part of Inuyasha.

She just couldn't stand the thought... and so to think of having a relationship with him beyond that of friend just made her uneasy.

With another sad glance at the goshinboku, she sighed, then turned away from her window.

I'm sorry, Yasha. I just don't think anything like that's gonna work. I think that you should just move on and find someone else.

It would hurt you less - and I'd feel better knowing that you were happy.

I want you to be - it just won't be with me.

---cCc---

Shippo hopped up the stairs, heading for Kagome's room. He wanted to make sure she was still okay with this whole thing - that she could handle it without making anything worse.

He knocked on her door, calling out, "Kagome? Can I come in?"

She pulled it open and smiled nervously at him. "Sure, Shippo." She glanced around behind him somewhat cautiously, and he shook his head. "Yasha's waiting outside, I told him I'd come get you."

She nodded thankfully and drew a deep breath, then exhaled, motioning him in, she moved over and sat on her bed.

"So... what are we doing today?"

"Well... what would you like to do? I don't really care, I walked over here, but we can always head to my place and get my car if we need to."

Kagome tilted her head thoughtfully, finger to her chin, and Shippo smiled. She'd always had that habit... it was strangely comforting to see her still doing it.

"Hmm... well, it's kinda a nice day - how about something outdoors?"

Shippo shrugged. "Sounds good."

Kagome smiled at him a bit uneasily. "Maybe we should let Yasha have some input on this - maybe he has an idea..." she trailed off at the weighted glance Shippo sent her.

"Kagome... are you sure you can handle this? Yasha's in pretty bad shape, and if you can't handle being around him, then maybe we shouldn't do this now. He's hurting - badly."

Her shoulders slumped and she looked down at the floor. "I... it's awkward, and I won't deny that, but I have to start somewhere, so... yeah, I can handle being his friend." She caught his eye then. "But I know what he wants, Shippo, and I don't think I can give him that. What I said to Inuyasha still stands - he made his choice, and as far as I'm concerned, he sundered our fates entirely."

"You know that's not fair, Kagome, don't you." It wasn't a question. "If all that with Kikyou and Inuyasha, and Naraku hadn't happened in the past, they'd have lived their lives out just as they ended up doing - and then you'd have been born here, and Yasha as well... and you'd have met. You'd undoubtedly be engaged right now."

She sighed, knowing he was right, but unable to let it go. With the whole Kikyou thing, she just couldn't forget that part of it... or forgive - at least, not now. Maybe, years from now... but that was a long ways away, and she knew it.

"But that's the problem, Shippo. All that did happen - and there's been too much damage to my heart, to my soul, and to my mind... if the kami want my soul to be tied to the one Yasha carries, then they may just have to wait 'til the next time we're both reborn."

Shippo stared at her for a moment, nonplussed. "Would you really condemn you both to misery in this life just because of the past - because of Kikyou? You really mean to tell me you're gonna let that bitch win?!" He shook his head at her, disappointed. "I really thought you were smarter than that, Kagome."

She laughed a bit bitterly at that. "If I'd been smarter, Shippo, I'd never have fallen for Inuyasha in the first place. I'd have gathered the jewel, then come home and sealed the well myself - and gone on to Hojo or someone like him."

With a shake of her head, she stood up, and grabbing her purse, took his hand.

"Come on, let's just go. I can think about all this crap later. I just... don't want to right now, okay? I'm tired of the whole mess."

Shippo let her pull him out the door and down the stairs, and reaching the genkan, they stopped quickly to put on their shoes, then headed out.

Kagome stared at the silver-haired male standing near the god tree and her knees almost buckled with grief once again - but then she hardened her heart, and walking up to him, she asked, "So... Yasha. Shippo and I couldn't decide where to go... just that we would like to find some outdoor activity. What do you think?"

Yasha smiled at her tentatively, then ducked his head, staring at the ground consideringly.

"It's still fairly early... how about the beach?"

---cCc---

A/N: This chapter is pretty much a pivotal one in the story - where Kagome and Yasha finally start interacting in a positive manner. There's still a lot of angst to come... but things are going to start looking up a little - a little light is about to start coming in.

Amber