InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Broken Trust ❯ Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Inuyasha belongs solely to its creator, Rumiko Takahashi. However, this story and the explanation behind which Kagome turns into a youkai belongs entirely to me. Ask, before you use it.

 

Chapter 2

 

Complacent, that's what she had become. Kagome stared in equal shock at Inuyasha's slack-jawed expression, the concern and bewilderment so openly displayed on his face made her heart clench at the deceit she had lived with for so long.

 

This was the reason she had run away, why she never returned. She could have visited during those four difficult months at the cram school, but she hadn't because she was so scared of seeing the condemnation that would come when he learned the truth. She didn't know why it happened, but she had her guesses, her suspicions. She had thought of little else as she worked her way through college. It gave her an extra ounce of drive to learn about the body, how it worked, what made it human and therefore mortal.

 

But she still had no answers.

 

Tears swam in her eyes as she fought to beat back the panic overtaking her senses. She had thought she was ready for this, but she had forgotten. Her disguise wouldn't work on youkai senses. For so long, she had been able to fool her classmates with weekly dye jobs and a fierce protection of her solitude. She had lived alone for four years, and she had hated it. She hated the lying and the lack of close friends. She had only the classmate and the acquaintance; anything more then that was playing with fire.

 

The black dye she learned to apply to her own hair became a necessary evil when the silver roots began to set-in a week or so after Naraku's defeat, a white patch against the darkness of her original hair. It was then, she began to question the strange things she had seen, felt, heard, smelled, tasted.

 

It was her sight that changed first. The colors grew a little dimmer, the contrast a little brighter. It was strange, being able to see a fly some 20 odd meters in front of her, but not knowing what color of green the leaf was it rested upon.

 

The next thing to change had been her sense of smell and taste. Miroku's cooking was normally unappetizing, but palatable if one ignored what was being eaten. But in the days that followed, it seemed to get worse. She could hardly stomach eating it for the smell, and the taste was even more atrocious then ever. She could actually, physically taste the individual spices he had coated the fish with, how it clashed with the pale white flesh and was so strong, almost sickeningly so. In fact, it did make her sick.

 

She had been so scared, thinking that something else was growing inside of her, something else was changing in her life rather then her blood and the very genes that made her who she was. That was the first time she ran home, to get a test. It proved negative to her relief though she still cried in the bathroom, sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, and clutching her stomach in her arms. She hadn't known then that the consequence she feared most would turn out to be something completely different.

 

When she finally returned, it had been to discover that everything was still the same despite how different she felt. Miroku hovered over Sango, forcing her to eat when she woke, cradling her in his arms when she cried out in her sleep. Inuyasha was only marginally better, picking fights with her and trying to find an outlet for all the confusion, sorrow, and outrage welling up inside of him. He could often be found, then, sitting in a tree and contemplating Kikyou's reburied ashes. Returning her to her original resting place was the least he could do.

 

She had wanted to stay back then, to help them build new lives and to sit by the little shrine she envisioned to honor Shippou's memory and talk through the long hours of her day with him. But, it wasn't to be. The final straw that broke her resolve had been when the full moon rose to take its rightful place in the celestial heavens. She had felt so weak, as though she had been sick for an age and a day. So tired, all the energy was drained out of her. It was as she was splashing herself with water from the river that she at last had a good look at her features.

 

She was different.

 

Gone was the silver that had been peaking out of her roots. Silent was the world once more that had been driving her mad, pressing on her brain with a cacophony that would never shut-up. She could no longer smell the moistness in the air, warning her of an approaching storm. And her sight, the colors were so vibrant despite the darkness of night.

 

She hadn't wanted to believe it, had refused to believe it, but she had stayed all night gazing at her reflection, willing it to stay the same. But it hadn't. As the moon sank below the horizon and the sun rose to take its place, she had watched the sudden morphing of her features back into the no longer subtle differences she had been fighting against. It was that morning she ran away.

 

That night, the night, she made love to Sesshoumaru in her grief had somehow changed her. She knew that now, and it had frightened her so very badly. She had not expected it to change who she was. Console her, find solace in oblivion, to block out the memories; those had been her goals when she rolled over in the middle of the night, crying her tears of sorrow and pain from a wound willingly accepted to channel twin energy together. When she reached for him, assaulted him with her attentions, she had not expected it to change who she was inside and out. She never guessed it would change her so completely she barely recognized herself.

 

How could she face him, face them, when her betrayal was plastered all over her face, body, everything? She betrayed the promise she made to Inuyasha to stay by his side when she turned to his half-brother. She betrayed Sango and Miroku in her selfishness to simply forget. She betrayed her little kit because she lost herself so completely in him.

 

And then she betrayed them all by running away. It had broken her heart, but she was here, now, to beg their forgiveness, to see if something could be salvaged from the broken trust she carelessly threw aside. All she could do was hope and pray.

 

—\-|-/—

 

The tears came first to her eyes as all the broken emotions welled up in her heart and the memories poured over the dam she had built to hold them at bay. It was the sobbing that snapped Inuyasha from his stupor and got him to roll off her completely from his half crouched position.

 

Snatching her in his arms, he cradled her shaking body against his own, rocking her back and forth, thinking of what hardships she had to face all alone. It was hard enough for him, knowing what to expect having grown up with the curse of half-blood, but she was Kagome. She was kind and compassionate, so trusting and trustworthy. She didn't deserve the ridicule she'd find along the way. She didn't deserve it after all the sacrifices she had made.

 

He gently rocked her, trying to halt her sobs as she cried into his shoulder as he fiercely reminded himself that she still was human or at least the Kagome of old. She had to be otherwise he'd fall apart completely.

 

His Kagome, she was a hanyou now, and there was nothing that could ever change that. He knew; he had looked for a way to end his special brand of suffering for such a long time until he found the Shikon no Tama, and it still lead to suffering. A pang bit deep into his heart, making him tighten his arms around Kagome's still shuddering body. It wasn't until Kagome came and freed him that he felt there was some value in being a hanyou, to being who he was at that very moment. If nothing else, he would do the same for her.

 

“Kagome,” he whispered, trying to break through the numbness sealing her in her own little world; the rawness in his voice was strange against the lightening sky. “Kagome, it's okay. It's alright. You can't fight this. It's not your fault.”

 

He repeated the litany until she at last quieted enough to hear them, her brow puckering against the confusion his words rose in her soul. Did he really think she still feared being a hanyou? He didn't understand; he maybe never would, and she wouldn't risk that, ever. She was ashamed enough as it was.

 

Gulping back one last sob, she raised her tear streaked face to his, noting that the sun had risen over the horizon and his body had gone through the now all too intimately familiar transformation. She touched the crinkled eyes, the lines etched into his skin from sun and worry and pain and hopelessness. They were minute, but still present despite his demon blood. There were some things that the body just couldn't heal like the scars carried in the soul and on the heart.

 

And she could see them darkening his with perceived imperfections.

 

This was what she hoped to avoid. She had not wanted to see his scars when she carried so many of her own. In the back of her mind, she had never really planned to walk up to them, to say hi. She had known she was content to stand in the shadows, to just catch a glimpse of their profiles as they happily went about doing their daily chores. She had so hoped…

 

But it would seem that there were deeper wounds at work here then she had expected. Wounds that she caused; she was almost certain of it. Sighing, she hugged Inuyasha tightly to her before wrapping a hand around his own and pulling it away from her body. Numbly, he released her, watching her stand to her feet and wipe at the residual salt coating her cheeks.

 

`I'm sorry Inuyasha, but you just don't understand,' she thought as she turned her back on him to pick up her discarded backpack. She played with the strap, twirling the loose end around her finger as she struggled with whatever inner demon lied within her.

 

He nearly panted with the desire to take whatever weight was on her shoulders on his. He yearned to once again protect her in every way possible. That's what she had taught him friends were for, but she had somehow forgotten this as time passed.

 

His thoughts fractured when she spoke again, the steel within them catching him off guard. He had not expected her to speak with such conviction.

 

“I came to terms with what I became a long time ago, Inuyasha. It wasn't easy, trying to hide and study and always being afraid someone would put the pieces together, but I did it. I can continue doing it, and that's okay. I can handle it. You don't need to worry about me, anymore.”

 

Inuyasha got to his feet, anger starting to creep over his features as he roughly spun her around to face him again. “Then why don't you tell me why you just spent the last thirty minutes crying on my shoulder. Why didn't you trust us to help you get through this if all you were going to do was come here and tell us you don't need us anymore?”

 

Frustration was reigning full force in his voice as his hand tightened around her upper arm; she never flinched when his claws bit deep into her flesh. “You left us!”

 

The accusation hung in the air in front of them, covering them, coating them, seeping into the festering sores that they had believed long since scarred over and healed. But seeing her before him, seeing him before her, caused some higher being to break open the wound, to pick away at the scab to reveal the raw, gaping hole of bereavement beneath the newly grown flesh. With a wrench of her body, she jerked her arm away from his vise-like grip, relishing in the pain of his claws as they tore through her skin.

 

“Don't you think I know that!” she cried, hurt hidden beneath the dripping fury. “I know I left you all alone when I said I wouldn't. So what if I couldn't face you with what I've become, with the choices I made. Do you think I'm happy with this? Always hiding, always afraid that I'd underestimate my strength, that I'll lose control? I'm not stupid.”

 

She stood eye to eye with him now, her eyes dried with the heat of her wrath, her soul weeping on the inside with the crushed hope that things would have turned out differently then anticipated. As she stood there, she felt the anger drain from her body. She wasn't here to fight; she just wanted to see her friends again.

 

She should have known better.

 

“I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I didn't mean to yell. I never mean to yell. I'll just go see Sango and Miroku and Kaede. I might as well since I'm here.” Her eyes trailed off of his to gaze back to the well. The desire to flee was so very strong, but she came here with a purpose. She would finish that purpose, even if it destroyed what was left of her heart. After that, well, after that she'd learn to pick the pieces back up again. She'd sew it into a lopsided heart that could fool the world as long as they didn't look too closely.

 

She gulped softly, before whispering. “After tonight, I won't bother you guys any longer, but at least I'll have said goodbye the right way this time.” A lone tear somehow squeezed itself out of her burning eyes to drift down the already well worn track of her cheek.

 

He keh'd and turned his back on her. “Fine. Run away again, but if you want to see Miroku, you'll have to come back in another two days anyway so you might as well stick around.” He hated it when she cried, but she didn't want his sympathy or his strength. She wanted to stay closed off and all alone. She didn't need him and it hurt, deeply.

 

“He should be back from visiting Mushin by then unless they decide to drink more then they usually do.” His voice darkened with disgust as he recalled the last time Miroku came home. Kirara had flown into the village with a raucously singing monk barely holding onto her back and not really caring while the tired looking old-man made sure he did. Whoever knew Mushin would be the responsible one of the two?

 

The miko turned hanyou turned back to gaze questioningly at his back. Just how different were things now? Miroku rarely drank, at least as far as she remembered. “Alright, then I'll just go see Sango and Kaede.”

 

Inuyasha sighed, shoulders slumping with the weight of memory. “Just go talk to Kaede, Kagome. She'll explain everything better then I ever could.”

 

She watched him run into the forest, flitting through the trees with reckless abandon like always. At least some things never changed. They still managed to argue, managed to get under each others skin, even if she had wished it was for a different reason.

 

Turning her back determinedly on the new memory haunting her, she trudged down the path, the clam and serenity broken completely by her encounter with Inuyasha. Maybe she should have just stayed away, and maybe, she would have found comfort in knowing that the hanyou had circled around the clearing to watch her retreating form disappear down the path.

 

—\-To Be Continued-/—

 

Author's Note: Please thank the wonderful Pseudomonas for looking this over for me. Without her prodding to get me to stop being lazy, this edition would have been about 700 words shorter then it is right now.