InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Brothers-in-Arms ❯ Faint Regret ( Chapter 6 )

 

Disclaimer: The only claim I have on these characters was made in the Live Journal community 30Shards, whose story prompts serve as a basis for this tale. In point of fact, the inu-brothers belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

 

Dedication: For Racing Stripes—my beta. No regrets.

 

Date: 02.06.08

 

Chapter 6: Faint Regret

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“I'm talking to you, asshole!” Inuyasha bit back a growl as he waved away the insects whining around his ears. Getting out of the blistering sun had sounded like a welcome relief, but the heavy stillness of the woodland they were traversing swarmed with bloodthirsty bugs. It wouldn't be so bad if we could just pick up the pace and outrun the little beasts. “Oi! Are you deaf or something?” Sweat trickled uncomfortably between Inuyasha's shoulder blades. He'd endured his half-brother's plodding gait all through the hottest part of the day, and though the sun was finally losing some of its strength, the air was stifling. Sesshomaru strode along as if heat, humidity, and airborne pests were beneath his notice. The fact that the taiyoukai was also completely ignoring Inuyasha's attempts to file a grievance only exacerbated the hanyou's rising indignation. “Stop already!” With an impatient hustle, Inuyasha darted around his older sibling and planted himself directly in Sesshomaru's path. “Would you listen to me?” he snarled.

 

Forced to a standstill, the inuyoukai canted his head. “Was I walking too fast, little brother?”

 

The solicitous twist of the mock endearment lent Sesshomaru's words a patronizing edge, leaving no doubt in Inuyasha's mind as to whether or not he'd been heard. The hanyou's eyes flashed angrily. “No, you weren't walking too fast,” he replied sweetly. “You've been walking too fucking slow.” His voice rising, he bellowed in frustration, “You haven't stopped walking since sunrise… yesterday!”

 

“There is no need to shout,” Sesshomaru retorted with clipped civility. “If you cannot keep up…”

 

Something clicked, and the hanyou gaped. “You're doing this on purpose.”

 

Keeping his face carefully neutral, the taiyoukai waited slightly longer than necessary before responding. “Are you accusing…”

 

“Shit! I don't believe this!” The outraged expletive cut across Sesshomaru's words like a blade. Inuyasha's eyes narrowed as the fire of his quick temper gave way to cold rage. “You fucking bastard, I'm not letting you jerk me around like this.” He turned and jogged away without a backwards glance, eyes gritty with tiredness and head throbbing uncomfortably. As a hanyou, his body might be able to endure a lot of abuse, but that didn't make pushing his limits comfortable. Put simply, he felt like shit.

 

It didn't take long for Sesshomaru to catch up. “Where do you think you're going?” he demanded, all trace of the taunting lilt gone.

 

Worried I'll ditch you? It'd serve you right. The hanyou was tempted to return the kind and ignore his brother's question, but answered gruffly, “There's water this way. It's been a while since I had a drink, so I'm going to go get one.” The diplomacy of his statement was negated by the sarcasm in its delivery.

 

“Hnn.”

 

Sesshomaru matched his speed, but stayed off Inuyasha's flank, on the very edge of his peripheral vision. Were you just waiting to see how long it would take me to drop? My life is misery enough without you adding this kind of shit. Sesshomaru's total disregard wasn't anything new, but the pettiness of his actions surprised Inuyasha. That's just fucking great.

 

Cursing himself for not questioning his brother's motives sooner, the hanyou slowed his pace, falling into an easy lope and relishing the cooling effect of the wind in his face. Within minutes, he broke out from under the cover of trees and scanned the small lake that lay below. Recognition collided with a sense of déjà vu, and Inuyasha realized that he knew this place from his shard-hunting days. We stopped here more than once, camped right over there. The remote piece of waterfront was unchanged, even after so much time had passed. “It's still here,” he muttered.

 

“You expected it to move?”

 

Inuyasha laid back his ears in irritation. What is with him today? The remark was a small thing, easily shrugged off, but it added to the aggravation. It's bad enough I gotta deal with him, but dealing with him plus his pissy attitude? No fucking way. The bastard showed a certain creative genius when it came to making him suffer, and Inuyasha wasn't keen on finding out how many ways his esteemed ally could demean him. How am I supposed to deal with a vindictive prick whose honor forbids him to do me any real harm, but who isn't opposed to finding little ways to show me what he really thinks? He cut a glance towards the taiyoukai, who returned the look coolly.

 

“I thought you were thirsty,” Sesshomaru remarked snidely.

 

“I am,” growled Inuyasha, “but I got something to say first.” The taiyoukai's head tilted slightly, making the hanyou grind his teeth; the action was clearly meant to imply that Sesshomaru was granting him permission to speak. Pompous prick. “Listen,” Inuyasha demanded, but his half-brother only arched a brow mockingly. Fucking idiot. “I mean it, Sesshomaru. Listen to me.”

 

“Well?”

 

“You're the one with all the problems, and to help you out, I'm putting my ass on the line,” the hanyou began, gesturing broadly for emphasis. “All this groveling and chin-licking shit is supposed to be me showing how much I trust you, right? Proof of our alliance.” The taiyoukai's face remained expressionless, but at least he was paying attention. Inuyasha chose to take his silence for agreement and continued. “So how come you're going out of your way to treat me like shit? For the sake of your little mutiny, I was willing to do this whole submitting thing, but I will not put up with this kind of crap. Some alpha,” he sneered. “If this is how you treat your pack, then maybe they have the right idea.” Sesshomaru's head reared back, eyes narrowing dangerously at the brazen insinuation, and Inuyasha pressed his advantage. “You know, it's hard to trust someone who'll turn on you for no reason. If I gotta convince everyone that I don't think you're a fucking asshole, it would be a hell of a lot easier if you didn't keep acting like one.”

 

The hanyou ran his thumb along the line of his jaw, frustration radiating from every pore of his being; he doubted anyone had ever dared to call Sesshomaru on… well, anything, but he wasn't some fawning kiss-ass. He sensed as much as saw the enormity of the importance of getting this settled once and for all. The bastard might not like it, but I'm right, dammit. Some of his words must have struck home if the taiyoukai's reaction was any indication, but he needed to give them added weight before the bastard decided to dismiss them. The point needed to be driven home in a way his brother would understand, but he sure as hell didn't know how an inuyoukai would deal with this kind of behavior. If this was Shippo, or even one of Miroku's innumerable brood, he knew exactly what he'd do—just what he'd always done, hundreds of times over the years. So, without giving much thought to the consequences, he darted forward, drew his forefinger into a tight curl, and smartly flicked the tip of one pointed taiyoukai ear.

 

Sesshomaru stiffened, his face actually registering stunned disbelief. Inuyasha tensed warily, having realized a bit late that he may have just invited some very painful retribution. After a strained eternity, the taiyoukai's eyelids slid shut, and after several long moments, they opened to once more lock on the hanyou. With careful deliberation, Sesshomaru's gaze migrated until it was trained somewhere over Inuyasha's shoulder. Confused, the hanyou tilted an ear in that direction, but he wasn't picking up any... Hang on just a fucking minute! It wasn't much, but it almost looked like the bastard was averting his eyes. Shit… he's acting like he knows he deserved it!

 

Inuyasha's indignation quickly shifted into unease, still desperately uncomfortable with nonverbal communication. Grateful as he was to receive some acknowledgment for his grievance, he couldn't find it in himself enjoy his small victory. The moment had passed, taking his adrenaline with it, and as the anger drained away, so did his strength. In the sudden lull, the hanyou nearly swayed with an abrupt resurgence of weariness. Backing up a step, he muttered, “I'm getting that drink now,” and fled.

 

Tepid water felt like ice as it soothed an aching throat and filled an empty belly. Inuyasha crouched in the shallows, slaking his thirst and pulling up handfuls of water to slosh over his face and the back of his neck. Okay, so apparently he can take constructive criticism, he decided, trying to reconcile his brother's behavior with what he'd come to expect. Either that, or ear-flicking means something hella weird to inuyoukai. You never know… I mean, they fucking lick chins… As the hanyou's mind wandered over all the possible hidden meanings involving ears, the silver belly of a leaping fish flashed out of the water, and his own ears pricked with interest. Rising, he strode back up onto the grassy verge, alert eyes quickly locating Sesshomaru, who hadn't moved from the steep embankment at the forest's edge; he'd simply turned enough to put the lakeshore in his peripheral vision. Farthest I've been from that bastard in more'n a week, the hanyou realized sourly. “I'm going in,” he announced, laying aside Tessaiga and loosening ties. Shucking out of his clothes and tucking them with his sword amongst some rocks, Inuyasha streaked towards the shining waters and launched himself into a shallow dive, disappearing beneath the surface.

 

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Sesshomaru tried to reclaim the animus that had been carrying him through the last couple days, but his pleasure in fostering the attitude was irrevocably lost. It was a shame, really; the simmering disdain had been a welcome distraction from other, more troubling, thoughts. A few well-placed words had been enough to shift the paradigm, and his former ire had been shown for what it was—nothing more than a towering fit of pique, neatly toppled by Inuyasha's blunt accusations.

 

To his annoyance, the taiyoukai found himself mildly impressed by his obstinate sibling. Sesshomaru's sham alliance with the hanyou would undoubtedly be followed by an official declaration of his half-brother's status as his beta, and as such, Inuyasha actually had the right to question him in an official capacity. This role tended to vary, depending largely on the dynamics between the individuals, but an alpha's beta was often a close friend or relative. Implicit trust existed between the two, and a good second-in-command served as a combination of sounding board, voice of reason, and sympathetic ear for his alpha. Some even acted as liaison between leader and pack, carrying the peoples' grievances to their alpha or helping the pack to see the wisdom of their leader's decisions. Inuyasha's fearless stance and persistence in making himself heard revealed a startling aptitude for a role that Sesshomaru had expected him to fill in name only.

 

The fact that his younger brother had done exactly as he should in confronting him didn't make the rebuke any easier to accept. Inuyasha's accusations stung, but for two different reasons. Firstly, the insinuation that Sesshomaru was not fit to lead was completely unfounded, and it was difficult to curb the urge to set Inuyasha straight on that score. The derision in the hanyou's tone as he jibed, some alpha, still rang in the taiyoukai's ears. There was no doubt in Sesshomaru's mind that he was a good leader, and the Western Lands benefited from his strong presence and careful oversight. He took great pride in carrying on their Father's legacy, but Inuyasha had no way of knowing this, so the taiyoukai bided his time. He'll see for himself soon enough. Besides, the hanyou was basing his assessment on personal experiences, which brought the second reason for Sesshomaru's discomposure into sharp relief.

 

The taiyoukai finally turned, letting his gaze wander over the lake, which rippled gently but gave no hint as to the hanyou's whereabouts. With casual deliberation, he paced towards a swell of land near the water's edge and chose a place to sit. In moments, Inuyasha reappeared, splashing to the surface and flipping the hair from his eyes, a good-sized fish raised triumphantly in one hand. The hanyou swam close enough to shore to pitch his catch up onto the grass, then stroked out into deeper water and dove. When he eventually came up for air again, it was some ways up shore, in the shallows, and a second fish joined the first on the bank.

 

Turning his head to make it clear that Inuyasha had his complete disregard, Sesshomaru gazed into the middle distance and forced himself to address his half-brother's words. Inuyasha's complaint about the treatment he'd received at his hands was legitimate, and for the simple reason that the taiyoukai was a good leader, worthy of his title as alpha, he took it into consideration. He'd even acknowledged the rebuff, albeit nonverbally. The stubborn mutt probably didn't even realize how much of a concession he'd made. Sesshomaru had never humbled himself like that to anyone but Father, and he couldn't begin to describe how much he loathed making that admission. The blow to his pride was great, but it would have cost him more to deny the truth of Inuyasha's assertion. The hanyou had been… correct.

 

Sesshomaru did not stand on any pretexts where his brash, younger half-sibling was concerned. He didn't like the hanyou, but liking mattered little at the moment. There was no point in trying to deny the repugnance he felt over having to apply to him for assistance, but Sesshomaru was no longer in a position to act upon the antipathy he felt. Inuyasha was his ally, and perhaps even more to the point, pack. His brother was under his protection, leaving the taiyoukai ultimately responsible for the stubborn fool's wellbeing. These circumstances were of his own making, and necessity dictated an end to this kind of discord. The last few days' lapse could be blamed on… extenuating circumstances.

 

A spray of water spattered across the taiyoukai's boots as one of Inuyasha's lobbed fish veered wide and flopped close to his feet. Yellow eyes pinned the offending hanyou with a steely glare, but the silent reprimand was wasted on him. He was too busy trying to shake water from his ears, nearly unbalancing himself with the effort. Sesshomaru used the opportunity to scrutinize his new ally instead, indulging a mild curiosity. Hanyou were unpredictable creatures—no one could predict how youkai blood would tell once mixed with human, and many half-breeds were strangely deformed. Inuyasha stood in water that lapped low against his hips, and the taiyoukai's assessing eyes found no visible abnormalities. With his silver hair and golden eyes, there was no denying the strength of his bloodlines, and Sesshomaru thought there was even a certain resemblance to Father in the set of his jaw and the shape of his mouth. Most jarring was the complete absence of youkai markings. Wrists, upper arms, waist, hips, cheeks, forehead—all the usual places for distinctive markings to appear were oddly bare. It made Inuyasha appear even more naked than he was; Sesshomaru found the effect very humanizing.

 

The hanyou regained his feet, sweeping thick, wet locks out of his eyes, and the taiyoukai reasserted his glare, but Inuyasha just smirked and turned, adding a jaunty kick to his next dive in order to fling more water in Sesshomaru's general direction. Acting like an insolent pup… Sitting here like this, keeping watch, suddenly reminded him of long-ago days and long hours of standing sentry while a young child played. A curl of memory pushed forward, releasing an emotion he'd successfully contained all day. Rin.

 

She was a bright, playful child, and as he'd watched, she'd grown. The change was slow in coming, but also took no time at all, and in many ways, the transition left his Rin just the same as she'd always been. The adoration in her wide brown eyes never wavered; he had always been, and always would be, her everything. Once she entered womanhood, the murmuring began, first behind his back, then to his face. Veiled insinuations and hints of inappropriateness were bandied about, in spite of the fact that her innocence remained intact. Advice and opinions were traded freely, and before long, even Jaken's constant presence was considered insufficient chaperonage for Rin. The unfounded gossip shifted into slander, and it was said that while Sesshomaru lacked his father's greatness, he had succumbed to his father's greatest weakness. The Western Lord ignored growing pressure to marry the girl off in order to secure an alliance with one of the larger human cities, because he would not treat Rin like so much chattel. She was not a bargaining piece, to be traded away for political reasons. Rin was simply… Rin, and she was his. That's all there was to it, and it was enough. For a time…

 

In the privacy of his own thoughts, Sesshomaru could admit that everything would have changed. He had wanted things to change… wanted Rin. Her gentle presence irresistibly drew him, and he found himself quite willing to give in to that pull. Quietly, Sesshomaru began making preparations, laying the necessary groundwork for his intentions. It wasn't as if his choice was without precedent—Izayoi. The taiyoukai felt the irony of his justification scheme and knew he would likely have to fight most of the court for the right to take a human mate, but if it meant having Rin, he was willing to face down every opponent. He simply hadn't expected his opponent to be one he could not fight.

 

The fever took hold in the summer months, before he could finish making arrangements. She burned with a dry heat, and the sickness sapped all of Rin's strength, leeching it away. Sesshomaru never left her side, and even as she grew weaker, she tried to cheer him, comfort him. In lucid moments, she spoke softly to him, even apologized for becoming ill, and when words were no longer possible, he took her small hand in his own, willing her to borrow from his greater strength.

 

A part of him still wished he had told her of his plans, the promise he had been willing to make. He knew it would have pleased her to know the place she had secured in his regard, but in the end, Sesshomaru was unable to speak of it. The words sounded hollow in his ears, empty promises that couldn't be kept. What did they matter now? Rin clung to life for mere hours, and he wordlessly watched over each fading breath. Just as the sun was setting, he'd filled the awful silence with an anguished howl. In the days that followed, Sesshomaru ruthlessly slammed down walls around his heart, burying his grief and his disappointment. Only Jaken suspected the depths to which the implacable taiyoukai had been affected, probably because he shared a measure of the sorrow. Now, after so many decades, all that remained was a faint regret.

 

Little things would bring her forcibly to mind, and the vision would be so clear—her smile, her voice, her scent. It was as if she was with him again, and knowing that it wasn't true hurt him deeply. So, he avoided the pain as best he could. Sesshomaru rarely permitted himself to think of her; there was no point in dwelling on his loss. Still, he couldn't fend off the memories entirely. Despite his best efforts to forget, the anniversary of Rin's death was indelibly marked on his heart, and each year he could practically feel the day approaching. He had come to hate the height of summer, and more than anything, he dreaded the one sunset he seemed doomed to relive. Today…

 

Sesshomaru raised morose eyes towards the sun, which was moving by degrees towards the far horizon. A couple hours remained before it would sink from sight. As he slowly emerged from the entangling remembrances, the taiyoukai noticed the pervasive silence, or more correctly, the absence of energetic splashing. Glancing about to regain his bearings, he was surprised to find Inuyasha sprawled nearby, his face hidden in the crook of his arm, drying in dying rays of the sun. I didn't even notice his approach. How unusual. Exhaustion was taking its toll on his half-brother, and Sesshomaru decided that the vulnerability of the hanyou's position boded well. He wouldn't have gravitated so close unless he trusted his erstwhile ally.

 

Inuyasha's nudity was partially hidden from view by random tufts of grass, and he couldn't have been resting there long, because water droplets still glistened on his shoulders. The hanyou had obviously wrung out his hair, because the sodden length of it was still twisted together, having been flung off to one side to bare his back. With detached interest, Sesshomaru studied the lines of his brother's body—swelling muscles and jutting bones under skin several shades warmer than the taiyoukai's own. He idly watched the moisture evaporate, leaving the smooth expanse of Inuyasha's back unmarred, and realized then that there were no scars. I pierced his body just there with my own hand. He has been dealt numerous cuts and blows, and yet no signs remain. This was yet another indication of the strength of the youki that coursed through his younger sibling.

 

Perhaps sensing his companion's scrutiny, Inuyasha shifted, raising his head slightly so that amber glinted briefly from under a half-lidded eye. A brief flutter of dark lashes, and he resumed his doze, though the taiyoukai noted that the hanyou kept one hand firmly wrapped around Tessaiga's hilt. His languor endured for an hour or so, during which time Sesshomaru assiduously ignored him. Inuyasha finally stirred as colors began painting the sky. He yawned broadly, stretched lazily, and dressed quickly. After a brief foray into the adjacent woods, Inuyasha set about preparing a small cookfire for his fish, and if the number of skewers that circled the blaze was any indication, he was more than a little hungry. Sesshomaru was still staring out over the lake, lost in memory, when a gruff voice interrupted his musings. “Want some?” Inuyasha was crouched practically at his elbow, his face inscrutable as he extended a portion of fish.

 

After a considering pause, Sesshomaru accepted the food, and the hanyou withdrew to the fire to claim a skewer for himself. Inuyasha made quick work of the fish, practically inhaling the food in his eagerness to fill his stomach, but he kept half an eye on his brother and was ready with a second serving when the taiyoukai laid aside his first skewer. Hesitating a moment before returning to his own meal, the hanyou frowned, then blurted, “Does this mean anything?”

 

Sesshomaru looked up from his food, at a bit of a loss. “Explain,” he sighed.

 

“If I hand you food and you accept, does it mean something?” Inuyasha asked.

 

The hanyou's tone was cautious, perhaps even wary, but Sesshomaru decided his half-brother seemed more curious than anything, and he took his time framing an answer. “It can mean different things in different situations,” he answered neutrally. “If this were a meeting between dignitaries, an offering of food could be seen as a symbolic extension of hospitality. At a formal meal with all the court present, offering food to the alpha might signify respect, and food offered by the alpha might be seen as a show of favor.” Sesshomaru paused, then added blandly, “Sometimes it is just a courtesy, passing food to someone who cannot reach it for themselves.”

 

“Shit…” muttered Inuyasha, examining his hands. “This is just going to get more complicated, isn't it?”

 

“Hnn,” acknowledged the taiyoukai, wondering what else was on the hovering hanyou's mind.

 

“Oi, earlier…” Inuyasha began, searching his brother's face, “what does it mean when someone…” He made a flicking motion with his finger, nodding significantly towards the taiyoukai's ear.

 

Sesshomaru frowned slightly, but answered truthfully. “It is used to scold unruly children,” he admitted.

 

“Well, that makes sense. At least it wasn't something weird,” the hanyou mused, then changed the subject. “How much time do I have to learn more of this stuff?”

 

“Perhaps a week.”

 

Inuyasha reached for the skewer Sesshomaru had discarded earlier and began scoring deep gouges into the green wood with the tip of his claw. “I figure I'll mostly be okay if I just follow your lead, but if so many actions mean something special to inuyoukai…” The hanyou pursed his lips then shrugged before finishing bluntly, “You could be insulting me, and I wouldn't even know it.” When the taiyoukai didn't answer immediately, Inuyasha continued in low tones. “I'm guessing the fact that I'm a hanyou is already going to count against me. I figure the fuckers who've been giving you trouble will be saying all kinds of shit behind my back, but I ain't gonna stand for them doing it to my face. Only problem is… I don't know enough yet.”

 

Sesshomaru nodded once, signaling his understanding. “The solution is simple enough,” he declared, waiting for Inuyasha's eyes to connect with his before adding, “Ask me, and I will tell you.”

 

Inuyasha snorted softly, and demanded, “How do I know you're not screwing with me again?”

 

“I will tell you the truth,” the taiyoukai stated, making his words a promise.

 

With a grunt of acknowledgement, the hanyou stood and retreated to the fireside, snagging a couple more fish and resuming his original seat. “I've been thinking,” he said after pulling back a section of flesh from the bones, “I want to make a change.” An eyebrow arched, waiting, and Inuyasha continued. “I'm done following you around; three days was plenty. I ain't your shadow, and I ain't some fawning vassal. There is no fucking way I'm taking that short, green idiot's place. So, if I'm your ally, your father's son, and all that other shit, then I think I got enough rank to walk next to you.” After a brief pause, Inuyasha decided that was really all he had to say, so he looked to Sesshomaru for a response. “That okay with you?”

 

“I have no objection,” the taiyoukai replied. “However, in return, you must be willing to accept the next phase of your… training,” he added, giving his head a challenging tilt.

 

Inuyasha's momentary smugness quickly drained away at his brother's tone. This is going to be every kind of bad, I can tell. Shit, let it just be something stupid like… table manners. “Next? What's next?” he asked suspiciously.

 

“You have become acclimated to my presence,” Sesshomaru pronounced, obviously leading up to something.

 

“Guess so,” conceded the hanyou, unconsciously drawing back as his half-brother leaned forward.

 

“You must become accustomed to something more,” the taiyoukai declared, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

 

Oh, shit, shit, shit… “What?” Inuyasha asked, dreading the answer.

 

Sesshomaru straightened, and the hanyou drew a relieved breath. As the taiyoukai offered the impression of backing off, Inuyasha relaxed slightly as the tension dissipated. In that fleeting moment of vulnerability, Sesshomaru inserted his answer like a blade, giving it just a bit of a twist. “My touch.”

 

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It wasn't until hours later, once Inuyasha's exhaustion carried him into a deep, restorative sleep, that Sesshomaru realized that the dreaded sunset had come and gone without his notice for the first time in nearly a century.

 

 

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