InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Chou Shoki I: Learning from Yesterday ❯ Chapter 20 ( Chapter 19 )

His love was passion's essence - as a tree

On fire by lightning; with ethereal flame

Kindled he was, and blasted; for to be

Thus, and enamored, were in him the same.

- Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto III

 

CHAPTER 20

 

We found Hiro with his health. Because the egotistical inu youkai had left the western castle after the talk with the Southern Lord, I was saved from having to deal with seeing him again. But just to appease the worries of the Daiyoukai, we left until the morning after.

 

The trip back home was faster since we did not stop, except to relieve our bodies. Once in the security of my “home”, I took the time to assess the past incidents. Sitting in front of the small lake in the imperial palace garden, I kept turning in my head all the events involving the demon prince.

 

First, there was my response to his person. As much as I hated to admit, he made me feel things that I had never experienced. My body reacted to him with an intensity that surprised me. It wasn't like me to be attracted to anyone. But I actually wanted to reach out and touch him. It was a prickly sensation at the bottom of my stomach. It did not bother me exactly. And that never happened.

 

“Ugh! What the hell is wrong with me Kirara?” I threw myself back on the grass.

 

`Maybe you're going soft. Kami knows I would have killed him if I had been there. I don't know what was stopping you.'

 

“Stupid Sesshoumaru! I should have purified you.” I said angrily.

 

`Should have... but didn't.'

 

And that was it. I should have denied his request. I should have walked away. I should have stepped harder on him. So many other possibilities I did not consider earlier. Should have... but didn't.

 

Worst of all, I was still feeling the side effects of his touch. My entire body still burned where his hands were placed. Secondly, I had yet to understand why I did not agree to his mating with Michiru. I know I was truthful in saying that he was not the most faithful of males, but something told me that once he found the woman or demoness in this case, whom he wanted to spend the rest of his existence, that he would actually settle down.

 

And so the blind are enlightened!

 

“I do not want him to settle down - either with Michiru or with any other woman.” I whispered. I exhaled forcefully and sat up.

 

`This can't be right. You're a miko. You're not supposed to have feelings for a demon. Quite the contrary. You're supposed to kill them,' growled Kirara.

 

“Maybe... just maybe, what I was feeling was normal. Well, not completely normal. After all, I've never been attracted to any male before. A reaction such as mine to his touch is only normal. Had he been a mortal man, it would be safe to assume that I would have reacted the same. He is an experienced male. Things like these are second nature to him.”

 

Scooping up Kirara and cupping her small head I told her, “So there you have it. I don't have feelings towards that baka prince. I'm simply reacting like any normal young girl to the actions of a male.” I nodded and accepted my own answer.

 

It did not last long. Another frown formed in my face. “Then why do I loathe another male's touch?”

 

`Oh for the love of Amaterasu―' she stopped and jumped away from me. `I'll come back when you get your head checked.' I waved her off, not really paying any attention to her tantrum.

 

Kami knew that I had had several other males come to the palace door asking to court me. Not that I thought myself a raging beauty, but I did seem to attract a few men. Some were young, while others were old enough to be my father. Luckily, my own father's over protectiveness came in handy. According to tradition, I was at an appropriate age to wed. Well, and being the emperor's only heir, it was only natural that I marry someone already. The crown would one day fall in my hands or rather in the hands of my husband.

 

My father did allow a handful of those suitors to visit me within the palace walls. I would sit with them here in the garden and converse. Most of these men were nobles so all they talked about was money, clothing, and all those materialistic things. I left the talking to them, since it was only appropriate for a woman to answer their questions as politely as possible. Yeah right! It was all I could do to keep from rolling my eyes in frustration. Each one of them was as boring as the next.

 

It seemed, I concluded, that they all expected three things from me. One: I was expected to stay quietly in the background while they ruled. Two: I was supposed to relinquish my miko duties (being married meant I would no longer be pure, hence I could not purify anything) and therefore settle for a life of motherhood. Third: and to this I almost laughed my head off, I was expected to succumb to their every sexual fetish - every night!

 

Like any of that was going to happen.

 

Fortunately, some of them would get the hint of my actions and leave, never to return. Several of the thick headed ones would go as far as `pretend' to brush off imaginary flower petals from my person. They never got the opportunity though. Either I would beat the living day lights out of them or Hiro, who would always be standing guard in the shadows, would drag them out.

 

And that brought me down to Hiro. I didn't take much to notice that he was completely and utterly in love with me. Even as children, he would follow me like a dog. He hadn't confessed anything to me yet. There were times when he seemed to find the courage, only to have him stutter like an idiot when I “smiled” at him. It was pretty low of me to do this to him knowing well how he would react. I just didn't want to hear it.

 

Discovering the truth about his constant attachment instantly after my return from the monastery, I humored him. Yet his attentions never arose in me the same feelings the stupid demon had.

 

Urgh! What's more was that the lingering feeling of betrayal was heavy in my heart. I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't let him get to me or show him that he had. But the truth was that he had. I didn't ever want to share that with anyone who didn't already know. What right did he have?

 

Sensing the first effect of a headache forming, I walked back to my room. There, in the confines of my space, I laid down, exhausted. My eyes closed of their own accord, and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep.

 

DREAM

 

I was standing at the edge of a forest looking at a field covered in moon flowers. Running towards them, I was laughing as I came down the hill. The force of my sprints caused my foot to tangle itself in a root. Extending my arms to soften the fall, I shut my eyes.

 

My body never fell. I felt two arms encircle my waist. Opening my eyes, I looked back to the owner of the pale arms. Even though I still could not see his face, I always knew who he was. I smiled up to him and reached around him. I rested my head on his chest.

 

He was warm and I could hear the drumming of his heart. His embrace tightened and all thoughts ceased. He spoke to me and I heard the vibration of his voice on his toned chest. “Come back to me. I need you.”

 

Again, I looked up to him and I saw the sadness.

 

END OF DREAM

 

The more the dreams and the further I delved into them, the more aware I was of my complete opposite personalities. Awake, I was like ice ― cold, impenetrable, a slave. Asleep, however, I was like fire ― warm, receptive, free. These dreams, though, did substitute the nightmares, if only for some times.

 

And as the dreams continued, I also realized that whatever connection I had with this “nightly visitor”, it was strong.

 

~~~~~~~

 

1204 A.D. ~APRIL~

 

Twenty one days...

 

It had been twenty one days since the entire feast incident. One would think that he'd be feeling better since she was gone permanently from his life. But, honestly, it felt like part of him was missing. The fact that his father had practically disowned him for what he did to the miko did not help things.

 

The Inu no Taishou had lectured him for hours on end. But nothing could compare to the look of treachery in her eyes. Those breathtaking lavender eyes that withheld so many things that he was eager to explore. Those eyes that now haunted his every dream.

 

Every night, she was there. She would be standing in the middle of the garden, wearing that stunning maroon kimono that had his youkai roaring like a lion in a cage. Kagome would look at him and fall apart. Sesshoumaru would awaken to her cries.

 

He had left right after the talk with his chichi-ue and the southern lord. Goes without saying that the talk had gone exactly the opposite way he had hoped. Lady Michiru had made her decision and she did not want to be his mate.

 

That should have been what was bothering him. The most beautiful and intelligent demoness had denounced his proposal to be his mate. He should be devastated.

 

Instead, his entire mind seemed to focus on her.

Minamoto Kagome.

The bane of his existence.

And the object of his desires.

All at once.

 

Add to that, that he had returned just two days later to find a completely infuriated Juro. He didn't have to guess as to why he was that way. Sesshoumaru, too, was upset with the older inu youkai. When they had bumped into each other, literally (and not accidentally), he had been momentarily shocked to find the scent of the miko on Juro. The scent was impregnated in his brother's skin; almost like he had held her for a long period. He hadn't been able to suppress the growl he emitted at the thought.

 

With a yawn, Sesshoumaru got up from behind his desk and stretched him arms. It was definitely time for bed. With any luck, he'd fall asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. The last thing he wanted was to find himself staring at the ceiling, thinking of Kagome.

 

And of all the things he wanted to do to Kagome.

 

He fought the most ridiculous impulse to leap forward from his futon and seek her out. Because that elusive spark - the one so noticeably absent with Lady Michiru, whom he still intended to mate - crackled and burned so strongly it seemed the room ought to be as light as day.

 

Yet, he knew he had to go see her. He was partially aware that he didn't usually react like this. Of course, he'd been suffering through a nearly six-month drought, but this lust, this hunger, was new. And it was hunger for her - not some nameless, faceless female to satisfy his needs. Where once any attractive, semi-interesting female would have served, though, Sesshoumaru didn't want to ease his frustrated lust on some other woman.

 

The low flowing, heat in his veins was for one woman in particular. The sensation invigorated him, made him feel more aware - more alive - than he could remember feeling in years. In her presence, seeing her and talking with her and being unable to touch her as he wanted, the torture was exquisite and only bearable because he'd already promised himself that he would have her.

 

Whatever it took, he would have Minamoto Kagome as his mistress. He didn't want anyone else, and he wouldn't accept that she might choose to decline the offer now that he knew what she liked, and he would simply convince her. He half closed his eyes, conjuring the kuchinashi scent of her hair and the feel of her soft smooth skin beneath his fingers. This when he'd had so many lovers he couldn't even name them all, and when most of the time he felt little more than bored. It was maddening; to want the miko so badly that he practically came all the times he had set eyes on her, and to know he was a fool to do so. She didn't know how to play this game, obviously, and teaching her was going to take time. Lifting her kimono and taking her against some wall wouldn't be enough any longer; no, Lady Kagome needed a very thorough education. Perhaps he could make himself her next work and cure himself of his odd desire for her before she realized what he was up to. He certainly had tensions only she could ease.

 

Hell, he was going to have to see her some day. She did have an allegiance with his father, so avoiding her would be out of the question. The least he could do was make things as uncomfortable as possible.

 

Educating, Kagome was going to be very pleasurable, indeed. So, he would go see her and set things straight... in four days.

 

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