InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Collection of Thoughts ❯ The Tale of a Prostitute ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Wish I did though... (who doesn't?)

 

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The Tale of a Prostitute

 

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A/N: I haven't written a chapter for this collection in a long time, so I guess I could say I'm back. I think I should warn you, though, that the content of this chapter might be highly disturbing as it contains a main character's death and a description of a rather twisted relationship. Don't read if you don't think you can handle it.

 

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He found me on a dark alley. It was night, the sky seemed torn open, it cried sadness. There were no clouds, that I remember. I was alone, scared, I was so young, and he was dashing. I should have seen it coming, I should have predicted he would be charming only to reveal his stubborn, arrogant self later, when I could not undo any of it. I should have realized it when I saw his expensive white suit and dark purple shirt. Do I regret it? Not at all…

 

My parents had broken up to divorce in a month. I was to choose between them, I could not. How could I? I was but 15, a raw, frail age. My universe had turned upside down, so I ran away from home. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't know what to make of the outside world, but I was confident that I would find my place in it. It was my revenge, I wanted to make my parents suffer. Selfish, I know, never did I think of my little brother Souta. He had to choose, too.

 

Then he found me. He was 35. He had a smile that made my heart pound restlessly, he brought light into my darkened world. His silver hair was so soft, so shiny, and his eyes were golden. How could I not fall in love? Looking back now, I should have thought it over. His proposition, it sounded wrong even then, but I was a child. I was angry, upset, I felt dejected. Perhaps I wanted something that would make me forget.

 

I never once knew his real name. For me and for everyone else he was Inuyasha.

 

That night he seduced me. He charmed me with sweet words and praises, I was so young. Never once did I suspect what he intended to do with me, never once did I doubt his goal. Perhaps I was stupid, but I still do not regret it.

 

He told me he would cherish me forever, he said my parents deserved nothing for the way they forgot to think about my brother and I. Every little word that left his mouth was my treasure, he spoke from my soul. I didn't mind being alone with him in a room, the light was on, curtains were drawn, he even gave me champagne - my parents had never allowed me to drink champagne. It tasted so sweet. I felt light, perhaps I was dizzy.

 

His kisses were soft, his mouth seemed to have known mine since forever. I couldn't help those moans, all those gasps that escaped my lips. I think he enjoyed them thoroughly, he even told me so.

 

I was a virgin. When he slowly opened my shirt buttons, I trembled and bit my lip, but I didn't look away. He took my bruised mouth with his own as his hands found my naked breasts. Somehow, I didn't feel shame, I was content to just be his. At that time he was my savior, I owed him everything. That first night that made me trust him more than I trusted myself was enough for him to have my protective walls crumble to the ground at his feet. I was defenseless, I was all his and he loved it. I loved it, as well.

 

When he first entered me there was no promised pain, it felt wonderful. He told me I was one of those lucky ones, those that are blessed to only feel pleasure. It felt so good to hear those words come from Inuyasha's mouth. For some reason I was flattered. I kept panting, moaning as he thrust and thrust, we both loved it. I could feel it in the way his muscles twitched under my wandering fingers, in the twisted, yet spectacular smile he wore as his eyes remained shut. We were both caught up in that moment.

 

Perhaps I was a fool, but after that amazing experience I told him I loved him. It was such an important revelation from my part - I truly felt it. He didn't reply. For minutes we stared at each other, he stared at my lips, yet he didn't do anything. Then he smirked, I remember, and it was a cruel, twisted smirk that I mistakenly loved. Was I wrong in doing so? Perhaps.

 

I wish I could build a time machine and go back in time. I would change a lot of things. I wish it didn't end this way, because despite everything he made me go through, I still miss him. I wish he hadn't been so self-destructive.

 

Inuyasha told me then, after we'd known each other intimately for the first time, that I was the only one who'd ever made him feel that way. It might have been a lie, but up to this day I'm inclined to think differently. He loved me, in his own way, Inuyasha. He wasn't such a bad man, I loved him too.

 

If only things had been different.

 

After he had a taste of me he said, “You're going to be the best of them.” Naturally, I didn't know what he was speaking of until a few days later, when I slept with a man for money for the first time. Somehow, Inuyasha convinced me it was right. Somehow, it didn't feel wrong, either. As long as I knew Inuyasha would be waiting for me at the end of it, I took it all happily. They were different, some were rough, others extremely gentle. Some never made me feel anything while others showed me pieces of their heaven. But no one felt like Inuyasha did. I truly loved him.

 

At night, after all those men, after all the money, all the screaming and writhing, Inuyasha would take me into his bed and erase their touch from my skin, replace them with his. He would trace my lips with his, lick my collarbone sensually, slowly, as he knew I liked it. Even now, after all this time, I can still feel his touch as if he were here. When they come for me, when they have me, I always have one request: could they nip and lick at my collarbone? It never does feel like his tongue or his lips, but it's close enough. As close as it will ever get if I close my eyes and imagine.

 

I've never meant for it to be like this, I've never planned to become a prostitute. And who would have thought that I would fall in love with the very man that introduced me to it? I was his, in every sense of the word - I belonged to Inuyasha.

 

Inuyasha, he had no respect for the body. He just didn't care. He wasn't jealous at all. As long as the heart was pure, as he called it, there was no need to keep the body away from pleasure. It was human, he used to say, and I went with it. Why wouldn't I, anyway? He was everything I knew, he was my knowledge of life. I owe everything I am to this man.

 

We never parted, we never had a real fight, only stubbornness-driven quarrels, but it was normal. We were like a couple, only that Inuyasha had me sell my body and I didn't really care how many women he had as long as he always came back to me, as long as I was the only one for him. He always made sure I knew it, because no matter what he did during the day, he always returned at night. I met his passion with my own, met his thrusts with my own, gave him my soul as he gave me his. We were really soulmates, regardless of how sick and twisted our relationship may seem. I loved him, truly, deeply, with my full, entire heart and he loved me as well. I could always see it in his words, read it from his molten eyes, hear it in the beating of his heart when I laid my head on his chest. Where did everything go wrong?

 

It was probably because Inuyasha didn't care. He never cared about anything other than me. He cared about my feelings, me being sad always made him sad as well. But he had no limits. Cars, drugs, money, drinks, sex. It was all about power, all about pushing himself to his limits. He was always testing the waters, always pressing on to see when he'd crack. A challenge of sorts.

 

That's what I regret. I got so caught up in his games, his careless attitude that - now I don't even want to think about it - I didn't see the signs. Sometimes he was so fucked up that I couldn't get through to him. He tripped almost daily, he didn't care about what happened to him. Why would he? In his vision, the body was something temporary.

 

I have a question, something that's been scorching my mind for a while now… did you really think that, Inuyasha? Did you really not care if you were to die and not see me again? Were you… were you really certain we would meet again?

 

April 16th 2001, Inuyasha OD'ed on ecstasy. It was… fatal. I'll remember that day for as long as I live, because my heart shattered into tiny, delicate pieces I haven't yet placed together when I realized I would never hear him talk again. In that moment, the only thing I could hope for was to see him smile once more. That special smile he reserved for me alone. I was to never see it again.

 

Inuyasha… why?

 

I like to think I gave you everything, I deceive myself thinking I would handle things differently if I was given another chance. Truth is, I don't know what I'd do. I wouldn't change becoming a prostitute, you made me enjoy my job. I wouldn't stop drinking to my heart's content, I took after you in this one. The only thing I always refused was drugs, but not you… you were the first to sell and use them.

 

Again, why, Inuyasha?

 

No, I shouldn't ask silly questions. I'll live my life as you taught me, I won't mention you, you'll only be in my heart. I won't self-destruct, I won't self-mutilate, you did that too. Remember? Everyone always told you to fix your self-mutilating issue. I wish I had had more power over you. I miss you.

 

Now, Inuyasha, do you hear my heartbeat thump against my chest? The noise is light, even I can barely hear it, but I can feel the rhythm. My heart, it'll always beat for you until it stops. That day, Inuyasha, that day we'll be together again. It's sweet to think of it this way, I just hope you never forget me wherever you are.

 

This is exactly what you're suspecting. It's not a `goodbye', it's not farewell. After all these years of being unable to, I'm letting you go.

 

Sayonara, Inuyasha, dearest, we'll meet again.