InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Collection of Thoughts ❯ Emotionally Blank ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Wish I did though... (who doesn't?)

 

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Emotionally blank 

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A/N: Okay. I had a story from Kagome's pov and I figured I should have one from Inuyasha's, too. I don't know if I managed to portray the desired feelings, I can only hope. Enjoy and please review :) 

 

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She rolls over on the bed, clutching the sheets to her chest, after all this time I still can't believe how sexy that makes her. I never want to say it out loud, but this woman will be my undoing. Every little gesture makes me tremble with a need so terrifying and something else, something hidden, and I don't want to know what this fever is. But I'm done fooling myself, she and I can never be.

 

“When are you gonna stop paying?” she pouts, it's so adorable. This goddess wants me powerless at her feet, and I am, I truly am. Somehow I know I should hate myself for it. But I won't stop giving her money for her services, I can't allow myself to fall even deeper, I can't start believing this is anything else than what it is. It's her job, so she should be paid for it.

 

“When you'll be my wife,” I answer grumpily, I can't help it, it hurts so much to know that can't come true. Fuck this world and fuck her job and fuck Onigumo. Why can't I just take her away from this place? Why is she so damn good and respects her promises?

 

She gathers her clothes, I know I've hit a sore spot. She knows she can't have a normal marriage like other girls do, I think it hurts her just as it hurts me. Am I an asshole for enjoying the knowledge? Maybe she should hurt more to understand how I'm feeling. “Yeah, right,” she says, trying to laugh it off, but I can see right through it. Truly, Kagome, when will you learn? I know you better than that.

 

“Then you got yourself an answer.”

 

“You already have a wife,” she counters with a frown, oh shit, I forgot I'd told her that lie. But it works now, doesn't it? It hurts her, then so be it. I'd wanted it to hurt her at the time, I still do.

 

“Do I?” I hope I didn't move a muscle while saying it, she can think whatever the hell she wants.

 

“You don't?” her brows furrow cutely, she's so confused I feel like taking her once again, but I don't, “You told me you did,” and yes, I did tell her that.

 

“Why do you care?” It's always so easy to act cranky around her, I always taunt her.

 

“Inuyasha don't fuck with me. If you don't have a wife, then I'll-“

 

“What?” she can't possibly mean it, “Be my wife?” I snort, really Kagome, how much of a sadist are you? Do you enjoy watching me squirm?

 

She sighs, it's such a depressing sound, but at least she's experiencing part of my plight now, “Why do you always make me feel like such a whore?”

 

I give her a meaningful look, maybe, hopefully she takes it for what it is.

 

“Hm,” she muses, unoffended, “You know, if you insist on giving me money, then you should know that this doesn't even begin to cover my rent.” And we're back to this, back to being playful. Kagome, you have no idea how much this hurts me, but fine, okay, “Tough.” I won't give you any more money, why should I?

 

But right now, right in this moment, the way she bites her lip unthinkingly, the way the sheets fell to the side exposing a dark nipple, her raven locks spread over on her shoulders, damn, it's harder than I thought to keep it in my pants… not that I'm wearing any. And what am I thinking, exactly? It's her job, I don't have to refrain my lust.

 

Not giving her time to think, I reach over and grab her nape so I can pull her into a hot, wet kiss. She doesn't object, I knew she wouldn't, as I pull the sheets and throw them off the bed, her bed that screeches with every movement, and I let her bite my earlobe, she knows how much it turns me on. She's a pro, I've got to admit, but I'm not bad myself. Her breasts are a perfect fit in my palms, she squirms in my hold, just like I knew she would. I groan when she grips me down below, just like she knew I would. All the positions in the book, we've done them.

 

It's never boring when it's with her, it's never without feeling, without ecstasy, that's what brings me back to her for seconds, for thirds… She's got me wrapped around her fingers.

 

“Inuyasha, baby,” she moans, her voice cracks as I lick the flesh around her nipples, teasing, never letting her feel the pressure of my tongue against them. She arches her back, she wants it sooo bad.

 

“I'll do everything, baby, just please,” her voice darkens, I know it's me who's doing it and it never gets too old.

 

“Please what?” I taunt against her lips, her fleshy, pouting lips she bites every so often.

 

“I'm begging you to stop this torture, do you want me on my knees?” I grin, that's a pretty stupid question. I catch her gaze with mine, she's got to watch me do it. Slowly, agonizingly slowly even for me, I stick my tongue out and flick her protruding nipple, enjoying the rough texture, the erect bud. She tastes so natural, so fresh that I sometimes feel like fainting.

 

“The answer to your previous question,” I drawl out between licks and nips, I've got her where I've wanted her, “is pretty obvious.”

 

She smiles, I swear I can never get her, and pushes some hairs behind her ears. “Anything for you, baby,” she utters suggestively and I swear I can't help my grin. Ceasing my actions, I support my whole body on my knees and wait for her patiently to get on hers. I close my eyes, knowing what it's to come, but still wanting to be surprised. And I am, the heat and moisture of her mouth surprises me, as it always does, when it engulfs my throbbing hardness. There's this intense battle inside me, battle of wills, but I can't let my wild side win, I won't hurt her. Instead, I let her set the pace, a hurried, stimulating pace and her mouth squeezes me so deliciously, but I don't want it to be over yet, it can't.

 

Different scenarios cross my mind now, everything's always unexpected when I'm with her. In my mind, she's really not a prostitute, she's really not giving me head at my request, I'm really not paying her for her services - we're just two normal people in a typical relationship. But shit, fuck, that can never happen.

 

As always, my day-dreaming ends when I feel I can't take it anymore and stop her half-way to my orgasm. I'm already late, so I want us to finish together.

 

Despite my bitterness at the whole situation, I crack a smile when I notice how wet she's become. The kitten always gets excited when she sucks me, she doesn't hide it, either.

 

“Mm,” she grins, licking her lips, such a fucking sight, “What are you planning to do to me now, dog boy?”

 

Oh, the nickname. I can't help it if I'm just too good at doggy style, maybe she wants another demonstration?

 

“Turn around,” I order, and she does it. In another world, in a fantasy life, she'd be arguing with me right now, she'd be protesting like a normal woman would. This one, the Kagome I know, she follows every order, every request. I can't change that, I get it, I'm just a client.

 

Still, I like the sound of her moans when I bend her over, I relish the steam of our bodies, the heat as I pound into her from behind. I love the way she cries my name in pure, unadulterated ecstasy, she's only mine in these moments.

 

“Faster, baby,” she says, but no, I want her to say Faster, Inuyasha, I want her to think about me when I fuck her, I want her to know who she belongs to when we're like this.

 

“Fucking shit,” I mutter when I finally realize how close we both are, so I slow down the pace.

 

“Inuyashaaa,” she whines a complaint, trying to grind herself harder against me, but that delicious friction is gone.

 

“What?” I ask with an exceptionally hard thrust and I just know her heart's pounding madly right now.

 

“You're killing meee,” she says lowly, throwing her head back as my rhythm is back to agonizingly slow. “Please, Inuyasha, faster.”

 

“That's right,” I mumble, finally doing us both a favor and picking up pace, “say it again.”

 

“Faster, Inuyasha,” she groans, touching her breasts, fuck, that's quite the view. Visuals always screw me over, so I know I'll be done in a few seconds, but I just want her to join me. I bite the skin of her back next to her spine lightly, knowing how much of a turn on it is for her, while my fingers incessantly rub her clit, she's helpless right now. I feel her squeezing around all over me, and next thing I know is I'm in this great place. I just can't get enough of it.

 

Tomorrow night I'll go back to just another one-stand, as always, but I know I'll come back to her, I can't stop coming. She knows it too. I'm addicted.

 

“Fuck, you're so damn good at that,” she says, pushing the hair off her sweaty forehead. She leans over to place a kiss on my lips, but I can't let her do that, I can't let her own me more than she already does.

 

So I turn my head away, pretending to be bored.

 

“You're so cruel, you're always so cruel,” she says with a sad voice I can never stand, but it's for the best. I'm doing this for both of us.

 

“Whatever,” I say, “here,” and I give her the money.

 

She takes it and puts it in a little chest, just like she always does. I know she's not going to use this money, but I won't stop giving it to her just because of that.

 

“Why are you trying to be such an asshole?” she asks weakly as I get dressed, she's upset again.

 

“It's no effort,” I reply easily, I don't want her picking up on my real feelings. I'm okay with this, I have to be. I've put up with this for over half a year already, why should it get harder? It doesn't. It's always the same, it can't get any harder than this.

 

“Okay, when are you coming the next time?”

 

“I'm going on a business trip for a month.”

 

I hear her gasp, but I don't want to acknowledge it. As far as I'm concerned, she has no right to be upset or offended. I told her about my feelings a couple of months ago, I found out they mirrored hers, but she just won't give up her promise. Well she can just take her promise and shove it somewhere.

 

“Will you be coming back at all?”

 

“I don't know, why? You gonna miss me?” I grin, I have to, I've been acting all cold and cool for about a month, told her I don't feel the same way about her anymore, and I can just hope she believes it.

 

“Nope,” she says cheerfully, “it's you who's going to miss me,” then she sticks out her tongue playfully, it's just something normal, but I can't help the way my breathing quickens, how my heart struggles inside my chest.

 

“Yeah, right,” I snort, zipping my jeans. I'm doing my best to avoid her eyes right now.

 

My head starts hurting a bit when I hear her sigh deeply, then fumble around for something, “I was just hoping,” she admits, so she still loves me?

 

It's fine, it's cool, it really is. I can't help it, she's had her chance. Now I'm not sure I'd be willing to take her away from this place even if she wanted it. We've had our chance at happiness, yet she chose this twisted relationship instead. I can't help hating her for it, but I love her, too.

 

She is what she is, I can't change all that, and I've become a player and a workaholic, it's what I am now. She's changed us both, there's no hope for Kagome.

 

I watch her hum to herself, she covers her bitterness successfully, who am I to judge? I just wish that in another universe, another dimension there's the two of us being all happy and married and the whole package.

 

“See ya,” I say before I slam the door shut behind me. I honestly don't know what'll become of the two of us, I wish I could say I didn't care. But as long as I'm okay with this, as long as I can accept it, then everything's fine. For us, this is what normal has become.