InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confessions of a Broken Heart ❯ Chapter Nine ( Chapter 10 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
****Though not described in detail, this story does deal with rape so be warned if that sort of topic bothers you****
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Title: Confessions of a Broken Heart
Author: dolphingirl0113
Chapter: Nine
Rating: PG-13 (rated for violence, language, and implied sexual situations)
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.
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It had been a revolving door, so to speak, as the girls moved in and out of Kaede's hut, having returned for the evening and for dinner, then promptly leaving again the next morning and being notably absent all day. This meant that Inuyasha was left to deal with an insufferable Miroku, a prying Shippou, and an extremely suspicious looking Kaede. The hanyou hated it.
The old woman had been watching him since he'd returned as though she were trying to figure something out…as though she knew something he didn't, and was now merely trying to confirm her opinion. It put him in a wonderful mood, since she made him feel like a piece of meat she was surveying at market.
Shippou was running around begging people to tell him what was going on in his usual annoying tone, making sure that he accosted Inuyasha at least twice an hour of saying something to make Kagome upset, since he was sure that was the reason the women were gone so much. The hanyou had already given the kitsune three large lumps on the head, and was currently pondering if he'd have to give him a fourth.
And as for Miroku…the insufferable monk could barely contain himself, constantly pacing in one direction or another as he muttered about all the reasons why he shouldn't have asked Sango to marry him, and listing all the reasons she would give when she rejected him…as he was sure she would.
Inuyasha sighed and leaned back against the trunk of the tree he was using for support, raising his eyes to the sky in an act of desperation, wondering why Kagome had left him in such an impossible situation. She was the one who was good at dealing with people…not him…
“I should have waited until we defeated Naraku, shouldn't I?” Miroku had walked over to where Inuyasha was sitting and was muttering yet again, causing the hanyou's eyes to twitch irritably. “Because then the kazaana would be gone, and she could rest secure that her husband would never leave her. After all, why should a woman agree to marry a man who has the threat of death looming over his head and who, at any moment, could suck her into a void of darkness?”
“Will you just shut up, monk!” Inuyasha snapped, seriously losing the few remaining shreds of control he possessed over his temper. In that moment he lost the battle with himself just a little more as he imagined taking the monk by the neck and squeezing the life out of his lungs.
“You agree, don't you?” The man retorted. “You think I should have waited, don't you?”
Inuyasha shot to his feet. “Foo! I really don't care what the hell you do with your life!”
“But it's true!” Miroku wailed pitifully, falling to his knees as the hanyou clasped his hands over his sensitive ears. “I just wanted her to know what was in my heart! I didn't want the end to come, and then have never told her how I truly felt! After what happened to Kagome I was so afraid that Sango could be hurt too or worse…and then would never know!” He put his head in his hands. “Oh, but now I think I might have lost her!”
Inuyasha growled and turned away at the pathetic display. “Will you just shut up?” He started heading back towards the hut, only to come face to face with Kaede herself, who was standing in her usual position with her hands clasped behind her back as she scrutinized his face, her eye narrowing into a thin slit.
“Hmm…” It was the sound of contemplation, and Inuyasha didn't like it one bit.
He snapped at her too, waving his arms wildly in the air. “And what is so fascinating in your dried up mind, old woman!”
Kaede just ignored the insult and shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing,” She replied as she walked away.
“Unbelievable…” He muttered over and over again, rolling his eyes and wanting desperately at that moment to smash something. Too bad Kouga wasn't around…
There was a tug on his pants, and the hanyou looked down to find Shippou staring at him with an angry expression, resembling a puff ball with his bushy tail and hair. “Inuyasha, are you sure you didn't say anything to make Kagome upset? Because you do that all the time!”
He sighed and put a hand to his forehead. “Yes, brat, I'm positive! Or have you forgotten that Sango is the one dragging Kagome off? Stop being stupid and use your head for once!”
Shipou pouted. “I'm not stupid, and I'm going to tell Kagome that you called me that,” he whined, stomping away.
Gods, Inuyasha thought to himself, they've all gone mad! And where the devil was Kagome? She had been gone too long…he was worried about her.
“Inuyasha, do you think Sango would accept me if I wrote down in words that I would never so much as think of touching another woman again?” Miroku had his hand under his chin thoughtfully. “I'd even sign it. Do you think that would make a difference?”
The hanyou met the monk's genuine expression, obviously expecting an answer and sighed, walking up and whacking his friend hard across the head before leaping into a tree to brood. He'd had enough…and so long as none of his friends had figured out how to climb trees, he would be perfectly happy to stay up there until Kagome got back.
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“Sango, you can't honestly expect me to believe that you will reject Miroku…I mean, you love him! And what's more, he loves you!” Kagome sighed and rocked back on her knees, gazing up into the greenery of the forest and trying to calm her raw nerves. It had bee nearly a day…and her friend was still babbling like an insane little girl who'd just been asked to her first school dance and was now unsure of whether or not boys were cool or if they still had coodies.
The demon exterminator whirled on her friend and gestured madly with her hands as she spoke. “The man is not dependable, Kagome! He's…he's…he's an unfaithful lecher is what he is! I can't be guaranteed he will keep his hands off of other women when I'm not around, and I'd rather not have to defend other women from my husband!”
Kagome sucked in a deep breath and dug deep down into her well of patience to hold onto her sanity. Gods above, where she and Inuyasha this infuriating to be around at times? “Sango, he loves you,” he said gently.
But the woman just stubbornly shook her head from side to side and started pacing again. “Then why does he flirt with other women, eh?”
“That's just who he is, Sango…and if he acted any differently he wouldn't be the man you love. You know that. Besides, I truly believe that he won't continue to act that way once you two get married…in fact, I know he won't! He's a wonderful man; you have to know that deep down.”
There was a long pause, in which time Kagome hoped that perhaps she had finally broken through the stubborn barrier her friend had erected around her mind…hoped that perhaps she had finally won the argument and Sango had come to her senses. After all, it seemed like an obvious enough answer to an obvious enough questions as far as Kagome was concerned. If Inuyasha asked her to marry him, she'd say yes and throw herself into his arms before he even had a chance to finish the question!
Not that he'd been asking her any time soon, she reminded herself sadly. So long as Kikyou walked the earth, Kagome knew that her hanyou would feel bound to her, heart and soul, and would never permit himself to marry another.
Still, she thought as she shook her head to rid it of such morbid thoughts, she wanted to see him, and feel the strength of his reassuring presence. What had he been up to all day?
“Sango, look…” She rose to her feet and took the demon exterminator's smooth hands in her own, her dark orbs mixing with warm brown as she spoke. “He's not perfect. I know that, and you know that, but…think of it this way: neither is Inuyasha.” She smiled at the thought. “I mean, the guy can be loud, rude, obnoxious, arrogant, and insensitive. But that's all a part of who he is, and I love the man that is Inuyasha. If he wasn't one of those things, then he wouldn't be my hanyou.”
The demon exterminator acquired a soft smile despite the fact that she tried to protest. “But Kagome…”
“No buts, Sango,” the woman interrupted. “The same goes for Miroku, that's that. If he wasn't a lecher sometimes, then you wouldn't have anything to laugh about later. And if he wasn't so clueless in regards to your feelings, you wouldn't have anything to talk about.” They both chuckled, thinking about the fact that the monk was so dense he didn't have a clue how much Sango loved him already, and Kagome wrapped her arms around her friend in a sisterly embrace. “You love the man that is Miroku, Sango…not just parts of him.” She squeezed reassuringly. “And that's why I know you will be happy as his wife.”
For her part, Sango could only manage to stare, in awe of the words her friend had just uttered. Not only did they make sense, and the demon exterminator could feel her resistance to marrying Miroku melting away like ice under the sun, but more then that, she felt honored that Kagome had confessed such private thoughts to her. She'd known all along that the girl was in love with Inuyasha…that was obvious to anyone with ears and a pair of eyes…but Kagome had never before actually admitted it out loud to anyone, and it caused Sango to feel warm inside. She hoped that her friend could have a happy ending of her own some day soon.
“You're right,” she finally conceded aloud with a heavy sigh, and Kagome noticeably relaxed. Sango smiled. “I do love him for who he is, as stupid a man as he can be at times…and if given the choice, I wouldn't want him to change because then he wouldn't be the man I love.”
Kagome beamed and stood back, taking her friend by the hand. “Then let's go and tell him that before you change your mind again.”
“But…is marriage really what I want right now?”
At that Kagome wanted to smack her friend, and pulled her along forcefully, not giving her the chance to think too far on that question. “Who says you have to get married to the guy right now, anyway?” She chuckled, part of her feeling desperate as she could not stand another conversation like the last one. “Haven't you ever heard of a long engagement period?”
Sango stopped, blinking several times as her mind registered the idea. That particular possibility had never occurred to her before…but now that it had, she realized it was the perfect solution. Of course! Mary him later! They could be engaged until the battle with Naraku was over and done with, and they had sorted through the chaos that would follow, including the problem of getting rid of the Shikon no Tama, Miroku's air void, and, of course, the most painful of all…the reality of what would happen to her beloved brother, Kohaku.
“I suppose that could work,” she commented casually, still chewing on the possibility, and Kagome laughed.
“Of course it could work, Sango! People in my era do it all the time!”
Sango nodded again, this time feeling more confident. “All right then, let's go.” Her voice was strong, and as she headed off back towards Kaede's hut Kagome thought she resembled a woman on a mission more then a woman about to accept the proposal of the man she loved. Oh well…so long as they weren't having to sit in the woods and spin their wheels, Kagome didn't care.
The sight that greeted them, however, upon reaching the hut was enough to cause all other thoughts to flee. It was an absolutely quiet, peaceful scene, with dusk settling over the sky and only the evening routines of the villagers nearby disturbing the silence. Kagome cocked her head to one side curiously and looked around. “Where is everyone?”
She and Sango turned around…and nearly fell over in shock at what they saw.
Sitting against the trunk of a large tree, looking extremely unhappy, were Miroku, Shippou, and Kaede. The monk was rubbing the back of his neck, which was sporting a rather large bump, Shippou had his legs and arms crossed so that he resembled a very upset little ball of fur, and Kaede, in her silent fury, resembled something akin to a stewing toad where she sat on her knees, her arms folded in front of her. And in front of them all, sporting an unsheathed tetsusaiga, was none other than Inuyasha, a threatening glare on his face.
“Wh…” Kagome sputtered, but soon found her voice. “What in the name of heaven and hell do you think you're doing, Inuyasha?”
The hanyou turned around and was unable to stop the smile of relief from spreading across his face now that he knew she was alright. Unfortunately that quickly faded when he saw the look on his face, and he hastily jumped to defend himself. “Th-they were bothering me, Kagome! All they could do was whine and complain! Miroku was babbling like an idiot because Sango wouldn't give him an answer to his proposal, Shippou was whining like a baby, thinking I'd said something to make you mad, and Kaede, well…she was just bothering me!” He was talking so fast now that even Kagome had a hard time catching all of what he was saying.
What she did hear, however, was enough to make her frown and cross her arms. “So all that means you have the right to hold them prisoner against a tree?” Inwardly, though she would never admit it, Kagome was laughing hysterically at the scene, and had to fight valiantly to keep the giggles from escaping.
Inuyasha acquired a pitiful look. “Inuyasha, please…you don't understand…”
“Sit!”
The hostages gratefully walked around the hole that was now Inuyasha and smiled at Kagome, Miroku speaking for all of them. “Kagome, you saved us…thank you.” His usual coy smirk, however, vanished the instant his eyes locked with the woman behind Kagome, and he was instantly in another world. “Sango…”
The demon exterminator looked away with a deep blush, feeling very self-conscious with everyone, especially Miroku, staring at her. “Houshi-sama,” she finally said formally, “I have made my decision.” Miroku visibly tensed. “I have decided that I will agree to be your wife.”
At first, you could hear the crickets chirping, and Sango stared at Miroku dumbly, waiting for a reaction and wondering, for a horrible moment, if perhaps he'd changed his mind and no longer wanted to marry her. But suddenly the monk's face cracked into a wide, stupid grin, and he began dancing around. “You will?” He grabbed her up in his arms and spun her around twice. “Oh Sango, truly? You will marry me?”
She laughed, feeling lighter than air in his arms. “Yes, Miroku…I will.”
Setting her down with all the tenderness of a newborn babe, the monk took a deep breath and gazed down at his new bride-to-be, his eyes tearing up. Never in his entire life had he even dreamed that such a prize was possible. Such a gift…such a woman…and she was all his. Her spirit, her will to live, her strength of heart, and her capacity to love…surely he did not deserve such a wondrous treasure. Yet she was his. She had just said so.
Sango gazed back with equal love and devotion, for once simply letting her emotions run freely over her face, no longer afraid of him seeing what was truly in her heart. She hadn't exactly imagined that she would marry a holy man…or rather, a lecher masquerading as a holy man…but then, many things in her life had not turned out the way she'd expected. And she had never been so happy.
“Well,” Kaede finally exclaimed when the silence became somewhat embarrassing, “It would seem that we will be planning a wedding!” Her old eyes beamed and she rubbed her hands together mischievously, clearly already planning out the ceremony in her mind.
That shook Sango out of her stupor, and she turned to look at the old miko shyly. “Um, actually Kaede…I was hoping that the wedding could wait until we are done with this quest.” She glanced somewhat nervously at Miroku, afraid of what he would think, and waited for his reply.
“I agree,” He replied seriously, without hesitation, and Sango relaxed. “It wouldn't be fair for you, Sango, to marry a man with a curse upon himself and all his future children.”
The demon exterminator blushed. “I…guess I didn't really think of it that way. I simply meant that this is no time for a wedding, considering the fact that we don't have a real permanent home or a future beyond destroying Naraku.”
Miroku nodded seriously. “You are wise, my beautiful Sango. We shall wait.” He moved to kiss her, but she backed away, to his disappointment. They were engaged, for pity's sake! What more did he have to do to get the woman in his arms?
Sango turned to Kagome and took her friend's hands. “Before anything else happens, I…I would like to ask you a question Kagome.” The girl blinked and waited expectantly. “Would you stand by my side at the wedding?”
A foolish grin spread across her face, and Kagome squeezed Sango's hands as she danced around, spinning her friend with her. “You mean like your maid of honor? Oh Sango, of course I would! I've always wanted to be a maid of honor at a wedding! This is so exciting!”
Sango didn't know exactly what a maid of honor was, but from the look of pure joy on Kagome's face she assumed it was a good thing…some kind of honor from her era, most likely. The girl's giddiness was contagious, and together the two friends started whirling around, clutching each other's hands and giggling stupidly like excited children on Christmas morning.
Inuyasha just rolled his eyes and groaned at the incredibly immature scene before him, not understanding at all why Kagome would demean herself so by acting in such a foolish manner. Didn't she have any sense of self-respect?
“Actually Inuyasha, Sango's question reminded me of a question I need to ask you since the wedding is now going to take place.”
The hanyou turned and faced his friend with a curious expression, though he tried to hide it with a gruff demeanor. “Keh, you're already engaged, remember, monk? I don't think your bride would appreciate you making a second proposal.”
Miroku just blinked stupidly, staring at Inuyasha for a split second before recovering. Had he just…tried to make a joke? Without meaning to he started laughing and joined in the jest. “Even if that were an option, my friend, trust me when I say that you would be the last person who I would ask.”
“What's that supposed to mean, monk?” The hanyou looked almost insulted.
“Nothing really…” Miroku fingered his staff thoughtfully. “The thought just came to me as I was thinking about it.”
“Keh.”
“But anyway, Inuyasha I was wondering if you would be the one to stand by my side at the wedding?”
This time it was Inuyasha's turn to gawk like an idiot, his jaw dropping to the ground as though it were weighted with a hundred pounds. Miroku wanted him to be his second? Him? Inuyasha? The hanyou?
For the first time in his life he wanted desperately to throw his arms around the man before him and thank him with everything he had. Never before had Inuyasha expected to even be deemed worthy enough to be invited to a wedding…let alone stand as the groom's second!
Miroku just watched the emotions play over the face of his friend, recognizing both shock and pure, untainted joy. He smiled and chuckled. “Do I have permission to take your silence as a yes, Inuyasha?”
The hanyou quickly recovered and, out of embarrassment, Inuyasha whacked his friend across the back of the head. “I didn't say yes monk!”
“But you didn't say no,” the holy man replied with a grin, rubbing the back of his neck thoughtfully. Inuyasha just huffed and looked the other way, but a silent understanding was now between them, and no more words were needed.
“Enjoy that while you can, Inuyasha,” Sango joked heartily, a bright smile on her face as she came over and rested her head on Miroku's shoulder after several seconds of shy contemplation. It would take some serious getting used to, but she knew then that she could really start to enjoy this new life of hers as his wife. She winked. “After all, once we're married the only one hitting him will be me. It's a wife's privilege.”
Strangely enough, Miroku found the comment the sweetest thing he ever could have heard, and looked down upon his bride-to-be with such tenderness that Sango found herself instantly lost in his dark eyes as he lowered his head gently for their first kiss. She accepted his lips against hers, albeit hesitantly, and even though the contact lasted only a few seconds it was everything she had hoped her first kiss would be: warm, tender, and full of love and promise for the future. With any luck, he would be the only man in her entire life that she would ever kiss that way.
Out of respect, Kagome found herself looking away, towards the village, and Inuyasha followed her example with a groan, leading her away to give the couple a more private moment. “Do they have to do that right here, right now?” He grumbled once they were out of earshot, sounding not only disgusted but also embarrassed.
Kagome just smiled indulgently, her eyes starry with dreams of her own eventual marriage to a handsome hanyou, dressed in a black tuxedo with his silver hair and amber eyes gleaming, framed by a setting sun on the beach. “They just pledged their lives to each other, Inuyasha,” she finally whispered, a wistful look on her face. “I think they're entitled to share a first kiss.”
Inuyasha didn't miss the look of longing that crossed Kagome's face as she watched the happy couple, and for some reason he suddenly had the strong urge to pull the girl close, tucking her head under his chin so that he could smell her hair as she rested her cheek against his chest. Without meaning to his hands moved to touch her, but he stopped himself before she noticed, suddenly self-conscious about doing such an affectionate thing in front of their friends.
After several minutes, however, he shyly started to move again, and Kagome felt him timidly slide his arm around her waist, pulling her close. It was the kindest gesture he could have done, because Kagome understood how uncomfortable he felt when it came to displaying any kind of emotion or physical intimacy around her, let alone the rest of their friends. It made her feel good, and she thought, in that moment, that perhaps everything between them would work out in the end after all.
Unfortunately, just as she started to lean her head against his shoulder, feeling his body relax against hers, their bodies conforming to each other's shapes, a shadow passed over her face, causing Kagome to look up in order to find the source. At first she figured it had merely been a bird, but then a familiar tingling touched the back of her mind, and she realized it had been anything but a bird.
Confirming her suspicions, another shadow passed over the ground, and this time Kagome saw an eel-like creature moving through, and the hanyou beside her stiffened as he caught a familiar scent. She sighed.
“Kikyou?” There was no love in his voice when he spoke, only a confused question, but Kagome found that to be little comfort as the knife in her heart twisted just a little more. Why couldn't she ever just have him to herself for even a few minutes?
With a sigh, she pulled reluctantly out of his arms. “Go, Inuyasha…you know that's what you want.” She was surprised to see that he actually looked hurt, like she had rejected him, but she could also see the curious gleam in his eye which told her he was anxious to find out why his old love had returned once again. After all, it was never an accident when Kikyou came to call.
“Kagome…” Her name came off his lips in a pained whisper, and she looked away, unable to meet his eyes.
“Just go,” She felt her voice manage to say, though the sound was strained and tight, and she refused to look up, knowing if she did she would start crying. Damn it all, why did she have to turn into a leaky faucet every time Kikyou was around?
There was a long silence, and she heard Inuyasha take a step in her direction, but then stopped, seeming to decide something. “I'll be right back,” he said, and she nodded, knowing something between them had shifted, because he had never bothered to assure her before that he would come back before running off to be with the dead miko. Again, though, it was a small comfort amongst a twisted maze of pain and melancholy.
The sound of rustling clothes reached her ears, and Kagome looked up in time to see his vanishing figure as he ran into the forest, following the soul stealers who were leading him to his former love, and she could no longer stop the tears from coming to her eyes. No matter how many times she assured herself that she loved him, and that she wanted to be with him, this part of their relationship never got any easier.
A hand on her shoulder caused Kagome to turn and find herself face to face with Kaede, who was giving her a kind look. “You have nothing to fear from my sister, child. She and I both recognize that her place in his heart has changed forever.”
“Kaede?” Kagome couldn't help sniffling as she spoke, her voice weak, not daring to hope.
The old woman turned her gaze in the direction where Inuyasha had disappeared, and sighed. “I've known it would happen all along, ever since I met you, Kagome. I knew it was only a matter of time, and strangely enough, I think my sister knew that too, which is why she felt so threatened by you for so long. It wasn't because you had her soul that bothered her, but because she knew you were better for Inuyasha then she ever could have been.” The miko turned to look at Kagome once more, a smile in her eyes. “He is happier with you than he ever could have been with her, child, and that's because, unlike you, she tried to change him.”
“And yet he was willing to turn himself into a human for her,” Kagome sighed, unable to keep the bitterness from creeping into her voice. She may forgive him for what he did, but she was still only human after all.
Kaede just shook her head. “Back then Inuyasha was so desperate for love and kindness that he believed what my sister offered him was true acceptance. He thought that the only way anyone could love him was to change. But you changed all that. You've shown him that he doesn't have to change at all, and you've also allowed him to accept the fact that he would be unhappy if he were ever to truly change who he is. You've helped him accept who he is…and that's why he loves you.”
The word love caused Kagome's body to involuntarily jerk, and she hugged herself tightly to keep the pain from seeping into the very marrow of her bones. “He doesn't love me, Kaede. At least…not in the way I wish he did. He still loves Kikyou, or else he would not run to her all the time.”
“If I may point out something to you, child, you were the one who pulled away from him in this instance and insisted that he go. Having watched his reaction when you did so, I sense that he would have stayed by your side had you not told him to leave.”
Kagome laughed bitterly at that. “For once I think you're wrong, Kaede. He was so desperate to find out why she was here he could hardly contain himself. His body was tense and his eyes were constantly looking in the direction of her scent.”
Kaede shrugged. “That may be true, but I think you're focusing on the wrong thing, Kagome.”
“So what should I have seen then?” She rolled her eyes to accent the immature statement.
The old woman looked at her kindly, seemingly unaffected by the younger girl's sudden disrespect. “The fact that, for the first time, he was willing to bury his curiosity and need to see my sister in order to make you happy.”
Kagome froze in the act of making a smart reply, suddenly feeling herself deflate, and Kaede nodded knowingly as she turned to walk away, her voice, as she spoke, kind and wise. “Don't be so quick to judge, Kagome, simply because of what's happened in the past. The fact is that something has changed between you two…and I suspect this change occurred while you two were away in your time. Whatever this change was, it's caused a shift in both your hearts, I can feel it, and the change has affected him even more so than it has you.” She smiled. “You mean more to him than you could possibly know.”
Without meaning to, Kagome felt her eyes drift back in the direction of the forest, almost able to see his retreating figure, his silver hair flying about in the wind, Kaede's words rolling around in her mind. Could it possibly be true? Could she dare to hope that he loved her, and as a result risk breaking her heart even more then it already was?
It was true that he had seemed much more open about his feelings since the kiss. He'd been more willing to touch her, to hold her close, to hold her hand in public. But...the one thing that bothered her was that he hadn't mentioned the kiss once, except for the moment when they'd had their argument, and, an even more troubling reality, he hadn't moved to kiss her again. Why was that?
He had told her he liked her…a lot…but that could easily be meant in a `just friends' sort of way, couldn't it? She'd certainly let enough guys down in her life that way to understand the expression. Still, Inuyasha didn't strike her as the type to even understand that kind of foreplay so maybe it did mean more then just friends.
Still, she couldn't get around the fact that he had yet to utter the three words she wanted to hear more than anything else in the world.
“Oh Inuyasha…” Even though she'd managed to stop crying, she couldn't prevent one final solitary tear from falling down over her cheek, leaving a wet trail in its wake. God, when had she fallen so hard and so heavy for this man, this hanyou? She couldn't bear the thought of losing him now.