InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Confessions of a Broken Heart ❯ Chapter Ten ( Chapter 11 )

****Though not described in detail, this story does deal with rape so be warned if that sort of topic bothers you****

 

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Title: Confessions of a Broken Heart

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter: Nine

 

Rating: PG-13 (rated for violence, language, and implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

 

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Whenever Miroku said that a man with more than one woman in his life was lucky, Inuyasha wanted to smack him and groan. He was reminded now more then ever of why he wished he could just avoid relationships altogether, especially with women, because as he walked through the forest following Kikyou's scent he felt more confused then ever, although this time it wasn't just because of the dead miko and his own emotions. Now he was also wondering why in the world Kagome had pushed him away, telling him to leave…she always seemed so sad when he left before, so why now?

 

“Keh, Kagome you're insufferable…” He grunted as he pushed aside a wayward branch with a frown. He would have stayed with her this time…he had surprised himself by actually wanting to stay at her side, holding her in his arms. But she had told him to go. Did that mean she wanted him to be with Kikyou? God, the girl was vexing.

 

His thoughts fled to the back of his mind the moment the Goshinboku came into view, because Kikyou was there too, and the hanyou felt his usual momentary flutter of his heart as he gazed upon her tragically beautiful face. Her hair was pulled back this time, and her expression was serious as she gazed directly into his eyes.

 

“What is she to you, Inuyasha?”

 

He stopped short, not sure what to say. He hadn't been expecting that. “What?”

 

She regarded him seriously. “My reincarnation Inuyasha…what does she mean to you?” He remained silent, and Kikyou narrowed her gaze. “Tell me now.”

 

The forwardness of the question was so unlike Kikyou that Inuyasha found himself reeling, trying to find the right words to say something coherent. And since when had she ever displayed any sort of insecurity about her own place in his heart? Dislike? Yes, she'd certainly shown plenty of that throughout the years, and there had definitely been some ruffled feathers on both sides, but…never insecurity on the part of the dead miko. “Why are you asking me this, Kikyou?”

 

She looked away. “I may be dead Inuyasha, but I'm not blind. I can sense the absence of your aura whenever you leave this world and return to her time.” She sighed. “And this time, when the two of you came back, I could sense a definite change.” Kikyou looked like she was fighting the urge to raise her head and look at him. “Something happened between you two on the other side of the well, in that world where I cannot go…so now I'm asking you: what does Kagome mean to you?”

 

Inuyasha couldn't believe she was asking him this, and, surprisingly, he suddenly felt very angry. “After all this time…after everything you've done…now you want me to assure you that I love you?” Kikyou looked up and didn't even blink at his harsh tone, which only made him more upset. “All you've done since you were resurrected is push me away, even admitting several times that the only reason you still live is because you are able to hold on to your hate for me, and no matter how many times I tried to tell you that I still cared, and that I wanted you in my life, you wouldn't hear it. You always pushed me away.” He swallowed the bitterness in the back of his throat. “But now, when you think that Kagome might take your place, you suddenly care?”

 

His words were cruel, he knew it, and so he wasn't surprised when the miko looked away, as though stung. But even then her face remained expressionless, and he sighed. Why couldn't she be like Kagome just this once, and show a little emotion…a small sparkle of life? Granted, she had never exactly been a fountain of laughter, being stoic and serious even in life, but at least then she'd smiled occasionally and the gesture had some warmth behind it. Now she was just a woman of ice.

 

“I've always cared, Inuyasha,” She whispered softly, but he chose to ignore the strain of hurt in her words, holding on to his anger instead.

 

“Well you've done one hell of a job of showing it, Kikyou,” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. Why was he acting like this? He never treated her with such callousness. And yet, he couldn't help suddenly feeling that her presence was like a vice, whereas before it had been a desired gift. “Look,” He sounded suddenly tired, “I've already promised to go to hell with you when this is all over. What more do you want?” He lowered his gaze and sighed. “You'll have me in the end, if that's what you're worried about.”

 

There was a long pause, in which time Kikyou turned and met his gaze, startling him with the pain in her eyes. She shook her head, and he thought he even caught the light scent of salt on the air. “Oh Inuyasha…I don't have you, and that's my point. You haven't belonged to me for a long time.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “Why can't you just tell me what she means to you?”

 

What do I mean to you? Inuyasha could hear the underlying question in her words, and he sighed. Why couldn't she just ask him that? Why did she instead have to delve into something as complicated as his feelings towards Kagome? He didn't know how he felt. He knew that was a copout…so what did he know?

 

He knew that he enjoyed being around her, that knowing she was safe kept him sane, and that making her happy meant the world to him. He knew that, for some reason, he was stronger in battle when it meant protecting her then he ever was when she was gone. He could still remember the time when tetsusaiga had been repaired with his own fang, and as a result been too heavy. He hadn't been able to lift it over his head without using every ounce of his strength, and yet, at a moment when Kagome had been in danger, he'd managed to lift it easily with one hand and swipe away the enemy, saving her life. She always helped him do that…she made him believe he could do anything.

 

Inuyasha could still remember, vividly, the pain that had ripped through his chest the day he'd found out she'd been raped, and the guilt that had followed him everywhere since that moment because he hadn't been there to save her, like he should have been. It killed him inside whenever he saw the doll eyes that hid the Kagome he knew so well. He wanted her back.

 

But what did all that mean?

 

“Kagome is…” Inuyasha started to speak, but then closed his mouth, and it was as though the gates of enlightenment had opened, and everything made sense.

 

As Kikyou watched, warmth spread through his chest and he sighed, recalling their first kiss and the way his heart had raced, his spine tingling at her touch. He remembered the feeling of her tears as they had wet his own cheeks, the rush of pure joy as she had fisted her hands into his shirt and pulled him closer rather then reject him, and the way she had sighed against his lips…that little sigh that belonged only to her.

 

He closed his eyes, and Kagome's face was suddenly all around him, laughing, smiling, frowning, and even crying. He could see her putting her hands on her hips in that cute gesture that usually foreshadowed his fate to rush headfirst into the ground, wagging her finger at him in disapproval. He could recall all the times she'd been worried about him, and rushed up to throw her arms around his neck to assure herself that he was real, breathing his name into his ear and causing him to shiver. And the time when she had held him on her lap, stroking his hair as she cried for him…the first time anyone had ever cried for him. She had smelled so nice…

 

Kagome.

 

His Kagome.

 

And, at long last, Inuyasha understood.

 

“I love her…” He whispered, sounding shocked at himself, as though the truth of it was unexpected. But then, as he looked up to see a startled Kikyou, he laughed. It was a laugh full of joy, a laugh that reverberated throughout the forest, and he threw his hands back and yelled for the entire world to hear, “I love Kagome!”

 

Kikyou watched him, watched as he danced around and laughed in a way she'd never heard before, and the final threads of hope that had been within her heart were cut, leaving behind nothing more than a hollow, worthless muscle made of earth and clay. Her final tie to this world had been destroyed, and she was surprised at how much that reality hurt.

 

Slowly, with great effort, she drew in a haggard breath and sighed, fighting desperately to keep her face passive. She'd be damned if she showed any man that they had hurt her. “That is all I wanted to know,” she whispered, and turned to walk away.

 

Inuyasha was instantly brought crashing back to earth, feeling horrifically guilty for having been so insensitive. She hadn't deserved that. “Kikyou…I'm sorry,” He called out, but she put up her hand for silence, disappearing into the darkness of the forest, her soul stealers following behind.

 

And for the first time in his life, Inuyasha made no move to follow.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Naraku watched, curious, as the woman he despised and craved so much walked through the forest, surrounded by her guardians. Those damnable eels always made him feel edgy, and the demon couldn't resist shuddering slightly as the eerie light they projected illuminated the dark woods. Perhaps it was because they only added to the mysterious and forbidden aura that was Kikyou, the only woman who could bring about his destruction, but also the only woman Onigumo had ever loved. Either way, he didn't like it.

 

But today the miko didn't appear formidable or alert, her face instead a mask of loneliness and despair. She was not as alert as usual, he could tell, and while he didn't know the source her apparent distraction, he could wager a pretty reliable guess as he smirked. “Inuyasha, what have you done this time?”

 

The hanyou had proven to be more of a reliable weapon than anything else Naraku possessed, and that was why he had allowed the foolish boy to live for so long. Both women, Kagome and Kikyou, were extremely dangerous to his plans, and not easily fooled or caught off guard, except in one regard. They both had a weakness where Inuyasha was concerned, and, predictably, every time Naraku threw the hanyou's feelings into the mix of any trap, all their defenses and well-laid plans went to hell and their minds became like putty in his hands; easily molded to what he wanted.

 

“Just like now,” He whispered to himself, recalling the plan he had so carefully constructed with Kanna, who was waiting just out of sight in the shrubbery below the tree where he was currently sitting. Of course, he hadn't planned on having Kikyou in such a state, but that only added to his growing stack of advantages, and he'd never been one to waste an opportunity.

 

But he would still have to proceed with caution, because even with Kikyou out of sorts, she was not a woman to be taken lightly. Of course, neither was Kagome, though her current state had weakened her both mentally and physically too.

 

Naraku had to admit, he had been nothing short of shocked when he had learned about what had happened to Kagome. He knew that when she was gone, and he could no longer sense her aura, she was in a world far away from anything that he could touch, and he also knew that the Bone Eater's Well had something to do with it, but Inuyasha was usually gone with her, so why hadn't the hanyou protected her, like he usually did? Normally Inuyasha followed the girl so closely it was annoying.

 

Surprisingly enough, Naraku had felt no joy at the expense of Kagome's pain, which was strange, even to him. Normally anyone's misfortune was pleasing because it could benefit his plans, but this time there had been, frustratingly, none of that.

 

For whatever reason, he couldn't help but feel a certain amount of…was it respect…when it came to the girl who was Kagome Higurashi, Kikyou's reincarnation. Even though she was his enemy, Naraku found that he appreciated, and even admired to a certain extent, her strength of spirit, and her spunk. She never gave up easily, and he liked that in an opponent. So often any more people just rolled over backwards for him, not even giving him the pleasure of a fight. But with Kagome…a smile broke out across his lips at the thought.

 

It is curious that while my human heart is drawn to Kikyou, the spirit of Naraku is pulled to her reincarnation, he thought to himself, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

 

A snapping twig broke his concentration, pulling him out of his reverie, and Naraku looked down to see Kikyou fumbling for balance after having stumbled slightly over the roots of a tree. She really was out of sorts, he realized as he jumped down to claim the bait for his trap, if she was so easily set off balance.

 

For her part, Kikyou sensed nothing besides the immense sadness currently taking root within her breast. The truth that she had lost him for good was almost too much to bear. And what was more, she could no longer, in good conscience, ask him to come with her to hell when this was all over…not now that she knew where his heart would always remain. Not even she could be satisfied with having Inuyasha for an eternity if the whole time his soul would wander to another.

 

She had known, of course, for some time that the hanyou was developing feelings for her reincarnation, but had pushed the thoughts away in denial, putting up blinders to her otherwise incredibly accurate woman's intuition. But now there was no erasing what he had said, no more possibility of denying the truth now that he had put it so obviously and indisputably before her. He had sealed her fate with a declaration of love, and now she wanted to just find a hole, curl up, and give her soul back to the afterlife.

 

A tear ran down her cheek, and Kikyou brushed it away in surprised frustration, wishing she could rip all her emotions out of her body, along with her heart. Living would be so much easier that way…if one could call her existence living. And why did this bother her so much, anyway? Hadn't she been the one, all along, to declare that she hated Inuyasha with all her heart and soul no matter how much people tried to change her mind? It was true, in the beginning she had hated him as much as she had hated Naraku, but…over time, the old feelings, the love, had returned, and her inner self felt more like a raging hurricane then the calm sea it had once been. She longed for those smooth waters as much as she longed for death…or life…she just wasn't sure any more.

 

As caught up in her thoughts as she was, Kikyou didn't even sense the danger until it was too late and Naraku was upon her. Strong hands went around her neck, lifting her off the ground in such a way that said they could kill her in an instant if they so chose.

 

“Naraku,” she managed to gasp, the air struggling to reach her lungs through the blocked air passage of her throat, and could feel him smile that evil smile of his behind her. She shuddered, berating herself for being so stupid and unaware. Now she was his, to use as he desired…she couldn't forgive herself for that.

 

“Kikyou,” he cooed, “You must do something for me.” He moved closer to whisper in her ear, and she frowned.

 

“You are asking a favor of me?” She tried to chuckle in the old way, but found it difficult with his hands around her neck. “I doubt that, Naraku. What are you really after?”

 

He was the one to chuckle at that. “I think, being the prisoner, you don't have any room to ask questions.” He paused and squeezed her neck a little more, enforcing his point, and Kikyou swallowed painfully, coming to realize the gravity of her situation. “I need you to scream for me, Kikyou.”

 

That was not the request she had been expecting, and it took her a moment to gather her wits, but her sharp mind quickly realized what he was planning, and she sighed. “Inuyasha will not come, Naraku,” She whispered sadly, recalling, yet again, his painful declaration.

 

Naraku simply laughed. “So he did do something, otherwise you would not doubt his loyalty to you.” He moved closer and whispered in her ear, and she had to fight with all her might to resist the urge to shiver. She would not give him that satisfaction. “Never fear, my dear Kikyou…Inuyasha will come for you. And with him will be Kagome.”

 

“Leave her out of this,” Kikyou hissed, surprising herself at the vehemence in her voice. Since when had she cared so much about the wellbeing of the girl? She assured herself that it was merely because she thought Kagome would be a hindrance to their plans in her current condition…though she suspected her heart had other reasons.

 

Naraku squeezed her throat again meaningfully, and she knew it was meant to be a threat. In response she gave him her best glare, though he couldn't see her face since he was behind her, and tried to ignore the fact that precious little air was currently reaching her lungs. “If you think that is enough to make me scream, Naraku, then you are mistaken.” She raised her eyebrows haughtily. “I have endured pain far greater then you could ever imagine…this pales in comparison.”

 

He chuckled. “I think you underestimate what I can do to you, Kikyou.”

 

“No,” she smiled sadly. “The reality is that, after living through death and a painful rebirth into this world of the living, nothing makes me afraid any more.”

 

“Perhaps,” he squeezed her neck again. “But all the same, you are still a mere woman…and you will scream for me.”

 

“I think not,” She retorted, only to feel her air supply completely cut off, followed by a searing pain in her side from some unknown force. Her lungs started to burn, and she could feel her own blood seeping through her clothes, making her feel heavy. She couldn't help it; her instincts to survive kicked in, and she screamed as loud as she could just before darkness pulled her down.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Kagome was sitting by the stream, her knees pulled up to her chest, rocking back and forth, apparently deep in thought, when Inuyasha stumbled upon her. At first she did nothing to respond, even though he made enough noise to wake a sleeping elephant, and it was only after he coughed several times to get her attention that she relented and turned around slowly.

 

She found him giving her an incredibly stupid smile, his eyes alight with a fire she'd never seen before, and while it made him look more handsome and alluring then ever in her eyes, she couldn't shake the reality that his expression could be a bad thing for her just as much as something good. The thought caused her to groan inwardly, and she turned back around to watch the water again, not really wanting to find out what had transpired between the hanyou and his tragic lover.

 

“Kagome…” He started towards her, but stopped, looking away with a blush. He wanted to tell her right then and there what was going through his mind. He wanted to declare it to the world! But at the same time, he wasn't sure he knew how, and the fact that she was giving him the cold shoulder wasn't helping any either.

 

For her part, Kagome just watched as the clear, icy blue water flowed over the smooth pebbles of the stream, creating a soothing sound as it smacked against the banks on either side. She wouldn't mind taking a swim; she thought absentmindedly…after all, it had been a while since her last bath.

 

She could sense Inuyasha's tense form behind her, and had the feeling he wanted to tell her something. “What is it, Inuyasha?”

 

Her voice wasn't exactly unkind, but it wasn't friendly either. It caused him to falter. “Kagome, I…”

 

Suddenly she had a horrible inclining that he was about to tell her that he was leaving with Kikyou, and that he wasn't coming back. That would certainly explain the joyous expression that had been on his face. So…he had finally chosen who he loved, and now she would lose him forever. She couldn't hear it. Selfish as it was, she didn't want to hear it.

 

“Kagome…”

 

Whatever he was trying to say, he was having a hell of a time spitting it out, and that fact only made Kagome feel worse. “It's okay, Inuyasha…you don't have to tell me what happened.”

 

Her voice was dead, her face full of pain, and Inuyasha suddenly realized with horror that she was mistaking his hesitance for something else. “No, Kagome…you don't understand…”

 

She sighed. “But I do, Inuyasha, and frankly I don't think I can stomach hearing you tell me about your encounter with Kikyou, okay?” She willed herself to calm down and hugged her knees tighter, trying to make her voice sound kinder. “I'm sorry…I know that as your friend I'm supposed to listen, but…I just can't right now.”

 

She was rambling, and it was really frustrating. “Kagome, would you just listen to me for a minute?

 

That set her off, and she whirled around, shooting to her feet. “No Inuyasha, for once I want you to listen!” Tears came to her eyes. “I'm tired of my heart breaking every time you run off to find Kikyou, always coming back looking like you've seen an angel or something!” Her voice cracked painfully. “I just can't take it any more!”

 

It killed him that she felt that way, and that he was the reason, but more then that, he felt himself growing upset that she was ruining his good mood. As a result, his temper snapped. “Wench, if you'll just shut up for a minute, I have something to tell you!” Damn it all, this was not going at all the way he'd planned…

 

Kagome stomped her foot to accent her frustration, her face full of pain and her eyes determined. “I already said I don't want to hear it! Get that through your thick skull! I don't want to hear it!” Why she was being so cruel, she didn't know. Perhaps she was just angry with herself for letting him go see Kikyou, perhaps she was angry with the dead miko, perhaps she hated the fact that Inuyasha had done as she asked and gone to see Kikyou, or perhaps, the most likely of all, she was just mad.

 

Unfortunately for her, now Inuyasha was too, his good mood completely ruined, and he wasn't backing down, having learned over the course of their nearly three year adventure that he had a temper that matched hers. “Kagome,” he warned, “I'm going to say what I need to tell you, whether you want to hear it or not!” Though he hoped, silently, that she did want to hear it. “So stop making assumptions, you stupid wench! You don't even know what I'm going to say!”

 

Fresh tears came to her eyes. “I'm not stupid, Inuyasha! And stop calling me a wench!”

 

He winced at that. He hadn't meant to sound quite so harsh…so cruel…but damn it all, the girl was being ridiculously unreasonable. Where had this sudden stubborn streak suddenly come from?

 

Finally, with a sigh, he figured he'd better just say it since, in her apparent condition, Kagome wasn't going to be calming down any time soon. “Kagome, I wanted to make this more poetic, but…”

 

“I said I don't want to hear it!” She clasped her hands over her ears, though it was a futile action since she could still hear every word.

 

He trudged ahead despite the fact that she'd interrupted him. “Because you're being so stupid about everything I guess I'll just have to say it!”

 

She looked up with fear in her eyes, putting her hands out as though to stop him from tumbling forward. “Don't, Inuyasha, please,” she begged. “I don't want to hear you tell me that you're leaving! Please don't do that to me!”

 

That cut him to the quick, and he finally understood what had her so upset. She figured that because he'd looked so happy, he'd decided to leave with Kikyou now. Fool, how could she think he cared so little about her? “Kagome…”

 

“No Inuyasha!”

 

He took a deep breath, gathered his courage, and blurted out, “I love you, you stupid woman!”

 

“SIT!!!!” She screamed at the same time he made his declaration, and so, instead of him holding her and laughing, Inuyasha found himself spitting out a mouthful of dirt since he'd been speaking when he'd hit the ground. He just sat there, glaring up at the woman…keh, the woman he loved.

 

At first Kagome kept crying, but then, as though someone had turned off the faucet, she stopped and froze, her eyes widening in shock as Inuyasha's words penetrated her thick skull. For the first time in her life she didn't have the faintest idea what to say or think.

 

Had…had he just said that he loved her?

 

“Inuyasha…?” No, she decided, it couldn't be true. The idea that he had finally, at long last, said the one thing she had ever wanted to hear, and to her, was not possible. He loved Kikyou, had always loved Kikyou, and she, Kagome, had always fallen short. “But…I thought…”

 

“Keh,” Inuyasha grumbled and rose to his feet. “You thought wrong, you stupid woman,” He tried to brush off as much dirt from his kimono as possible, attempting to regain some semblance of dignity. This was supposed to be the happiest moment of his life…so why did he want to strangle her?

 

But the look on Kagome's face was priceless, and the moment he saw it, Inuyasha knew he would have gladly kissed the ground again if it meant that expression would be forever more imprinted into his memory. She looked like the child who had wanted a pony all her life, but never expected to get one, and now, come Christmas morning, there was the pony, and she couldn't believe it was there. He could visually see the denial swimming across her face, along with the shock and disbelief, and he felt proud of himself for having so unsettled her nerves.

 

“I love you, Kagome Higurashi,” He said again, this time more softly, as though in reverence.

 

That did it, because suddenly a smile lit up her face so that she seemed to him like a living ray of sunshine. He basked in the warmth, and then she threw herself into his embrace, new tears in her eyes, but this time out of pure, unadulterated joy. And when he caught her against him, pulling her close to his chest, Inuyasha felt no guilt or embarrassment.

 

Her scent surrounded him as his chin found its favorite spot above her head, and he felt like he was floating on air…amongst the clouds themselves.

 

This is what he had always wanted, he realized. This is what he had searched for his entire life. Through all the loneliness and the despair, this is what had kept him going, this woman, right here, right now, nestled in his arms, clinging to him as though he were a solid rock in a wild sea. She was all he needed; not revenge for Kikyou and himself, not the Shikon no Tama so that he could wish to be a full fledged demon. Just Kagome…his Kagome.

 

He never wanted to let her go.

 

“Inuyasha,” she breathed, pulling back and turning her face up so that she could gaze directly into his eyes, her cheeks flushed and her lips looking extremely kissable.

 

He smiled. “Kagome, I love you.” He would never get tired of saying that, and was surprised at the sudden ease the words had in flowing off his tongue. It had been so hard to admit it to himself, let alone anyone else, and yet now those three words flowed out of his mouth as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

 

Kagome beamed at him. “I love you too, Inuyasha…” She sighed. “More then you'll ever know.”

 

He didn't think his heart could take any more without bursting, but his chest swelled in pride and joy nonetheless as he lowered his head slowly, almost hesitantly, to capture her lips. For a moment he was surprised when she greedily wrapped her arms around his neck, but could only smile as he picked her up bridal style and held her close, thinking that surely he had at last found his heaven on earth.

 

But the moment was ruined when a piercing scream tore through the very foundations of the otherwise silent forest, and the couple jerked apart as they both recognized the sound. Kagome lowered her eyes, and Inuyasha looked in the direction of the scream with a worried expression.

 

“Kikyou.”