InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Control. Infirmity. Defiance. ❯ Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Divergence

 

 

`You intend to pass through the Meidou? On top of that, to save a human… you really have become soft.'

 

Sesshoumaru let out a low growl, content that his meager pack was asleep. No one was awake to witness his minute loss of control.

 

He had insisted he was going to kill the dog. His mother simply looked at him as though she knew better.

 

Sesshoumaru pulled his eyes from the sky to face the boy. He really had simply been seeking answers to Mouryoumaru's supposed disappearance when he came upon Byakuya; if Rin hadn't rushed to the Kohaku's side, Sesshoumaru would have left him to succumb to the shouki, removed the shard to keep it from Naraku's grasp, and let the boy die. But the girl, well-trained though she was to not go against her guardian's wishes, reeked of sorrow and fear.

 

Kohaku did take orders well; much better than Jaken, at least. He was a good stand-in guard for Rin when matters required Sesshoumaru be elsewhere. But rescuing the boy had an inadvertent outcome that caused more problems than solutions. Kohaku lived because of a Shikon shard. While the aura was much too weak to tug at his own youki, it drew small-fry youkai from nearby and put Rin in danger. If Sesshoumaru was not positive the boy's shard would draw Naraku himself, he would have sent Kohaku on his way; to find his sister with the infuriating hanyou whelp.

 

Of course, with the power of that shard, Kohaku was able to move around in Hell, even when Rin would not - could not - wake.

 

Rin coughed, choked, cried out, interrupting his musings as a nightmare gripped her. Sesshoumaru's hearing focused behind him as he waited for Ah-Un to calm the girl; the scent of her fear put him on edge. It was not a feeling he relished.

 

Yet, the coughing a strangely reassuring effect on him…

 

`Sesshoumaru-sama… Rin… isn't breathing…'

 

Those words had stopped him cold. The boy stuttered, expanding on Rin's state, but he had easily accepted these facts. He was Sesshoumaru: he could reverse death with the flick of his wrist.

 

He could not revive Rin; he could not see the pallbearers of the after-life. When it had continued to fail, he'd dropped his weapon. `Tenseiga. Just for something like this… Rin… I let you die.'

 

His eyes strayed to the cold metal at his side. He felt disgusted; yearned to toss the weapon away. It was only half a sword anyway; a repository, his mother had told him when he'd “passed the test” to widen the Meidou. Created of Tetsusaiga, and according to his honored mother, forged to one day return to the sword of its origin.

 

`An incomplete sword,' Sesshoumaru mused, turning his face back to the sky. Though his face remained impassive, irritation bubbled under the surface. It was just like his father, he thought cynically. Since he took the human mate, the world was like a joke to him. They'd both gotten a deathly serious lesson that night… only Sesshoumaru could learn from it.

 

No doubt their father had left the Tetsusaiga to InuYasha in order to control his run-away youkai blood; too strong in too weak a body to allow the younger male to keep his mind. Sesshoumaru had nearly come to grips with it: having the weaker sword allowed him to become a better fighter. Losing his arm had made him more resourceful, more powerful in the end. But now it appeared their father had even meant for InuYasha to have the Tenseiga… at least, the most useful part of the Tenseiga, the one Sesshoumaru had worked so hard to deserve!

 

`Of course, father. I perfect the weapon, and then am expected to hand it to InuYasha as a dutiful brother should?' Such an outrage would not come to pass. A lesser youkai would have been shaking with anger. `An unwanted piece… Why, father… why would you go that far just to slight me!'

 

The nerve of his father! To not only leave him a half-breed half-brother, supposedly to care for… but to leave him a half-sword, a half-inheritance. Though Sesshoumaru could not deny the sword had served him well -his gaze fell to Rin, now sleeping calmly- it was an insult, a rejection that might as well have been flat-out disinheritance, that his father deemed his younger son worthy of the greater of his possessions.

 

Worse, his gifted sword had failed him.

 

Of course, Sesshoumaru had been given the entirety of the Western lands. He could not rule it, however, until he proved himself… thus, he wandered, and in doing so, somehow gained as odd a pack as his half-brother.

 

“InuYasha,” he murmured, turning to face the direction in which his brother's pitiful forest lie. “You and I are destined to fight until we die.” The corners of his mouth quirked upward slightly.

 

His mother had given him answers. She had revived Rin, who had looked at him with faith and trust in her eyes; it confused him. He hadn't been the one to revive her… Sesshoumaru was unfamiliar with the cold, clenching feeling in his chest, but he was sure he did not like it and never wished to experience it again.

 

Then she had expounded on Tenseiga's past… and his father's apparent purpose for the sword. She could only offer well-educated guesses, not having spoken with his father long on the subject. `Your hanyou half-brother cannot fully realize the Meidou Zangetsuha's power. You will do so, and then your father's sword Tetsusaiga will welcome Tenseiga back, I assume.' The mocking look on his mother's face had nearly broken his iron-clad restraint. `I suppose you will wish to seek out this InuYasha and give him your gift?'

 

Rin whimpered again, curling tighter again Ah-Un. Mortals were fragile creatures; Rin had already died twice. She had had similar night terrors after her first death. The girl would wake up, crying about teeth and animals and running in the night. Did humans who had experienced death and returned to walk the land all have such responses?

 

InuYasha's bitch seemed somewhat educated, if emotional and flighty. He would seek her out; to guarantee Rin's safety. Kohaku had wanted to check on the condition of the whelp's other miko. The hanyou would have news, no doubt, of her whereabouts and condition. And he could see for himself if his brother had progressed: he, Sesshoumaru, would decide whether or not to honor his father's wishes.

 

`When there is no direction, one makes a direction,' Sesshoumaru's father had told him on a hunting trip when he was just a decade old.

 

`I will make this direction, father. It is not on your whims that I act!'

 

**********

 

Kikyou shifted, a bit uncomfortable as emotions that used to be easily repressed, or at the very least veiled, crashed into her like massive waves.

 

These feelings were… disturbing in their intensity. She was calm, collected… a miko who had faced Naraku, the creature who tricked her into killing the man she wanted to spend her life with. She had stood a little more than an arm's-length away from the creature that'd killed her and presented him with half of his darkest desire; she had not flinched or dropped the knowing smirk. To show emotion was to show weakness…

 

She had seen the death of elderly grandparents, lost her own parents, and seen sickness steal children's souls away in the night. She had taken the souls of those children and young women into herself, felt their joys and sorrows and never flinched.

 

So why were these emotions so powerful?

 

Kikyou stared across the hut to where Kagome lay, bundled in some strange cocoon-like blanket from the future. Jealousy flared in her gut as her eyes fell on InuYasha, who sat at her head, eyes and ears on her reincarnation's face.

 

Irritation quickly followed; irritation at herself, with guilt on its heels. Who was she to begrudge the young miko a bit of comfort? Who was she to force InuYasha leave Kagome's side? She may have insisted one time that InuYasha's life belonged to her but… she would not have a life at all, if it were not for that miko. Did that mean her life, like her soul, really belonged to Kagome? Even before Naraku's last abortive attempt on her life, there were so many times that Kagome had rushed to her aid with little to no regard for her own life.

 

`If something happened to you… somebody would be very sad…'

 

Studying InuYasha's face covertly, Kikyou wondered if Kagome had any clue at all. It was as if everything in his being was focused on the sleeping girl. His expression said it all… his life did not belong to her any longer.

 

Kikyou thought back to InuYasha's original promise to go to Hell with her… technically, it'd been said while she had him under a spell. Would he have said the same thing while coherent? He had never seemed upset to respond to her summons… and yet his actions when Kagome's voice had broken through the spell were telling. He had left her without a glance backwards to free the girl, only turning back to Kikyou when he was sure Kagome was safe.

 

`Perhaps he just feels Kagome cannot protect herself like I can,' Kikyou encouraged herself. `It does not mean he no longer cares for me. If he did not care, at least on some level, he would not be drawn.' She had often wondered if he cared so much for Kagome because the girl was her reincarnation.

 

But now, both of them were in the same hut. The same soul was in one hut, torn between two people, and he hovered over one with little regard for the other. It was so different from fifty years ago…

 

Then again, much had changed. Kikyou had chided InuYasha about his actions in front of him while she was alive, and he had always taken that to heart. This night, though, all concern for her opinion had been squashed under the weight of his anger, his frustration… his distress that Kagome would put herself in harm's way yet again in an attempt to save people. He lit into her as soon as the youkai had been beaten back, swearing so loudly Kikyou was sure the nearest village heard his tirade clearly. Kagome had little to say in response, except a quiet plea that she was only thinking of the villagers in danger. `Does she ever think about herself?'

 

Kikyou blinked, staring into the fire and trying to discern the direction her ever-changing directions had taken. `Ah, jealousy again.' She scowled, and then realized the expression had slipped to her face and stubbornly schooled it to a blank expression. Looking up, she realized InuYasha had begun staring at her.

 

“Are you alright, Kikyou?” he questioned softly, not moving from his protective position.

 

Kikyou mentally reined in the rueful smile that threatened to take over her face; she downsized it to a small smile and chuckle. “Is she always so… emotional?”

 

InuYasha smirked, reaching down and nearly running his claws through the sleeping girl's hair before catching himself and clenching his fist. He looked up at Kikyou, who had averted her gaze as though she had not seen his movement.

 

“Keh,” he responded after a short moment. “If by `emotional' you mean fuckin' crazy half the time, yeah. You get used to it after a while, though.”

 

Kikyou lifted an eyebrow at his language. “She does not chide you for your language? Your violent actions?” There wasn't a single note of censure in her voice, InuYasha was surprised to note; just curiosity.

 

“Nah,” he dismissed with a quick of his head. “She don't seem to mind too much… long as I ain't insulting Kaede-baba.” He cringed a bit at the cold glare Kikyou shot him as he remembered the old woman was Kikyou's sister. “And those `violent actions' as you call `em generally save her life. She's gotten better with her bow and was doin' pretty good with her miko powers, but an arrow ain't much good when she's in an oni's hand,” he said. He glared down at the girl, though the soft look in his eyes gave his true feelings away. “Crazy bitch; she does shit like she did tonight without ever thinking about how dangerous it is.”

 

Kikyou felt that gnawing feeling again… pushing it away, she changed topics. “I must collect some herbs tomorrow. Kagome will need a restorative drink to help keep up when we follow the rumor about that village… there could be a shard or even Naraku there, though I believed Naraku had all but one shard.”

 

InuYasha growled a bit. “I won't let her fall behind, Kikyou.”

 

The miko simply nodded in response; what was she supposed to say to that? Seeing Kikyou stifle a yawn, InuYasha motioned with his head to the empty bedroll. “I'm keeping watch, not that much will probably come tonight. Get some sleep; you need to conserve your powers.”

 

**********

 

Kagome bit her lip as she listened to Kikyou and InuYasha talk, finding that she was forcing herself to breath evenly. After all, there were at least three creatures in the room would be instantly aware if she gave in to the tears threatening to overwhelm her. She shrank deeper into the meager protection of her sleeping bag, 'what good am I now?' echoing nauseatingly in her mind.

 

She remembered the feeling of her powers slipping through her fingers, as though the well of pink that always resided in the back of her mind had been moved just out of her reach. She couldn't grasp it, it didn't come when she called it: it pooled, constantly mocking her. The look on InuYasha's face as her arrow had sputtered and died said it all.

 

`He was angry. I finally have a bow I can use and I can't even use it properly.'

 

Kagome hastily turned a sigh into a fake yawn, rolling onto her back. She stared blindly at the ceiling, only hearing echoes of what InuYasha had shouted after her abortive attempt at defending herself and her friends.

 

“Are you completely stupid, bitch?” InuYasha pounded his fist against the wall, back turned on her as he raged. “You could have been killed! We left you in here to recover, not so you could throw yourself in front of the first youkai to get near you!”

 

“I didn't `throw' myself anywhere!”

 

“Keh!”

 

“I didn't!” Kagome slumped to the ground, tears welling up in her eyes. “The entire village was in danger! I thought I was helping!”

 

InuYasha snorted. “Well you weren't, wench! You can't do a thing without me.”

 

Kagome bit back a growl, glaring up at the hanyou as threateningly as she could through her tears. “What's that supposed to mean?”

 

InuYasha lifted his chin, obviously about to shoot his mouth off again, but a cough from near the door reminded them the others were gathering, giving them quite the audience. Growling low, he crouched down near where Kagome sat with her arms around her knees. “You're not useless, wench. Don't you understand?” Kagome stared at him askance. It was like he knew was she was thinking... “You're the only one who can keep Kikyou in one piece. We need you with us to keep up that barrier.”

 

Kagome suddenly found it difficult to breathe past the lump in her throat. She didn't trust herself to speak. Slowly, she gathered herself up and crawled back over to her sleeping bag, where she tucked herself in. Sensing and smelling her abrupt change in mood, InuYasha's eyes narrowed as he silently watched her.

 

InuYasha hadn't taken his eyes off of her for more than a few minutes, even when she turned her back on him and pretended to sleep. He knew better. Her heart rate hadn't slowed, her breaths didn't deepen; she was still awake. He could hear her strained breathing; he knew she was fighting back tears. `What in all the hells is wrong with her?'

 

`Is that really all I'm good for? He must really hate me… now he can't send me back home, or Kikyou will die.' Kagome heard Kikyou move; the rustling suggested she was going to sleep. InuYasha remained near her head, though he sat back against the wall.

 

InuYasha thought back to Kagome's scent after the argument. It had shifted to a melancholy frustration he knew all too well - he felt it every night of the new moon. `Why does she feel useless? Is this about her running out of energy during that battle? I knew she was too weak to fight, damn it!'

 

Kagome's thoughts kept spiraling back to his angry tirade after the battle. `“We need you with us to keep up that barrier,” he says. I should have known. He doesn't really need me… not when he has Kikyou with him.'

 

“Oi, wench.” Kagome stiffened, the only sign she had heard his quiet call. “Your miko powers aren't going to build back up if you don't sleep.”

 

Kagome sighed into her pillow, pulling her blankets closer. `That's right. If I don't rebuild my strength, I won't be able to fix the barrier tomorrow night. I have an obligation to Kikyou. Her life - and InuYasha's happiness - is in my hands now.' As she slipped off into sleep, the miko realized with a slight pang to her heart how bitter her thoughts had become.

 

**********

 

Kagome wasn't a violent person by nature. Sure, she had a tendency to slam InuYasha repeatedly into the ground when he pushed her buttons, but that was magical force, not physical. This morning, however, she was quickly approaching meltdown and was sure she was going to smack somebody in the next several minutes.

 

`I'm not going to break!' she screamed mentally, wishing she could share the sentiments aloud, wishing she could rage and scream and kick and cry. It seemed cruel to want to be so rude to her friends when they were trying so hard to cheer her up. But between Shippou's stories, Miroku's earnest encouragement, and Sango's attempts to distract her into focusing on something else, Kagome was ready to start throwing things.

 

Her eyebrow twitched in annoyance as Shippou continued to rattle off another story to accompany the pictures he had drawn. “So the dog chased the cat up a tree and waited at the bottom. He growled and barked, making her stay there. And she did, and she was a good kitty, and everybody was happy! So the fox got the cat a nice, tasty fish the next day…” Kagome turned her attention elsewhere, unable to listen anymore without exploding.

 

`The dog… InuYasha…' Kagome knew full well everybody was hovering out of both a concern for their friend, and under strict orders from InuYasha. He had gone out with Kikyou early that morning, to protect her while she gathered herbs and sent out shikigami to search for possible information on Naraku.

 

`He just doesn't want me by him! That's why he's got them all babysitting me, like some sort of child - so I don't go chasing after them. He just wants precious alone time with Kikyou.' She spat out her preincarnation's name mentally as though the word singed her thoughts. With a snort, Kagome stood, unknowingly toppling Shippou to the floor and unceremoniously ending his story. She knew she was acting the child, but darn it, right now she didn't really care!

 

“I'm going home,” she announced to the group, looking at their faces and preparing for an argument. Seeing Kaede's mouth open, she held up a hand, lifting her chin defiantly. “I'll be back before sundown; we're leaving soon anyway. If we're leaving we're going to need supplies, and I need to get some homework done… and I need some time alone.”

 

Sango had the grace to flush lightly and suddenly seemed to have trouble maintaining eye contact, letting her eye drift guiltily to the floor before looking back up, pleadingly. “I'm sorry, Kagome. We're just so worried about you…”

 

Kagome was hit by a flash of guilt at the look on Sango's face; she tried to force a smile at her friend's nervous loss of composure. “I understand, Sango. I'm sure I'd do the same thing if I were in your position.” Her thoughts took a more rebellious approach, `Not that I ever would be. You're strong; you'd never become absolutely useless to the group overnight.'

 

“At least allow me to accompany you to the well, Lady Kagome…” Miroku rose, dusting off his robes and reaching for his staff. A stern glare froze his movements. Kagome turned towards the corner where her trademark yellow bag lay, pointedly, ignoring the surprised hurt in Miroku's eyes, knowing the guilt that hurt would cause. `You may have the greatest intentions in the world but what part of the word “alone” means I want you to accompany me?'

 

The miko grabbed her bag, shoving in her books and dirty clothes and leaving the rest of her stuff in a corner of Kaede's hut. It wasn't as if she could or would be gone long, but the extra room in the bag meant she could bring more stuff back with her.

 

**********

 

`Damn it. Kagome still hadn't really spoken to anybody when we left.' In fact, she had not even looked up from playing with her breakfast to acknowledge him leaving. InuYasha held back the urge to tear apart the nearest tree with his claws, knowing how Kikyou would view such a “pointless” act of violence. He longed to leap through the branches, run with the wind, and escape the recurring image of the look in Kagome's eyes when her arrow lost its power in the fight.

 

`Something's bugging her. Usually the wench won't shut up, now we can't get her to fucking talk!' Why didn't she want to say anything? He recognized her feelings of uselessness; he knew she was feeling weak… and probably vulnerable. Didn't she know he'd never let anything happen to her? `Now it's even worse. If I let her down, something could happen to Kikyou.' The hanyou couldn't bear the thought of Kikyou dying because of him again.

 

`Miroku's always saying Naraku's tricks weren't my fault, but if I had paid closer attention, if I had trusted her more, maybe she wouldn't have died.' A different voice, one sounding suspiciously like the monk, piped up from the back of his head. `If Kikyou hadn't sealed you, though, you'd never have met Kagome.'

 

Kagome. The girl was everything to him. She was light, she was ramen, she was friendship and love and trust and reassurance. When she was gone, he felt lost. When her scent wasn't around, he didn't know what to do. And when she was as fucking miserable as she had been when he left, he felt a pain in his chest, as though his own heart was being crushed.

 

“InuYasha?” Kikyou's voice, lighter and more cheerful that he had ever heard it, broke into his thoughts. Just a few moments later, the reason for that lightness stilled him faster than her sealing arrow had.

 

“Huh? What did you say?” `Pay attention, damn it! Anything could have come at us while I'm daydreaming about Kagome!'

 

She smiled at him, motioning up again to the sky. “It is a beautiful day. There isn't a cloud in the sky, and the very lightest of breezes.”

 

InuYasha was sure the look on his face would have earned him an “osuwari” from Kagome had she seen it, but the slightly older miko had her back turned to him, gazing at the flower-speckled field in appreciation. `What the hell? Kikyou never wanted to just talk about the weather before…' He recalled what Miroku had said, about more of their soul being in Kikyou than Kagome. `Is this how Kikyou would have been if she hadn't had all those damned responsibilities for the fucking jewel?'

 

“…important to talk about it before we leave. Do you not agree?” The tips of InuYasha's ears drooped guiltily as he realized he had been ignoring Kikyou again in favor of his own thoughts... which, despite his efforts, kept swinging to Kagome. He stifled a groan. Damn it, his head was beginning to pound. He wasn't a thinker by nature, and the events of the past few days were just getting to be too much. `Listen to her! Kagome gave her a larger part of her soul for you, you ungrateful scum!' Miroku's voice echoed in his head again; InuYasha growled as he envisioned pounding the monk's head in.

 

The look on Kikyou's face showed she knew he hadn't been paying attention, but it was as though she had expected it. “I said, InuYasha, that I am concerned about Kagome.”

 

InuYasha's ears perked up. “What do you mean?”

 

“She is not safe here any longer.”

 

He dismissed her concerns with a tilt of his head. “Keh! As if I'd let anything happen to her!”

 

“That is not what I mean, InuYasha. Her powers are waning because I share a larger part of our soul now. Kagome is too pure to survive on borrowed souls as I once did. And the remaining spiritual power she possesses is being drained nightly to maintain the barrier she placed upon me.”

 

InuYasha hung his head, her gently chiding voice hitting its mark. The fucking bitch had thrown herself on top of Kikyou without thinking… well, that wasn't quite true. Kikyou said Kagome did this so he wouldn't have to watch his first love die. But… `Doesn't that fucking bitch know anything?'

 

**********

 

Kagome wandered through the trees, noting mentally that a thunderstorm would be more appropriate for the dark mood she was in. The bright sun reflected off dull eyes; the warmth barely heated her skin. Worse… she didn't seem to care. `Life goes on whether I'm happy or not.' She wondered vaguely if this was how Kikyou felt on her journeys; Kaede had said once that time does not move for the dead… to Kagome, it felt like time was moving without her, even though she knew it wasn't the case. `Stop the world, I want to get off,' she grumbled to herself. `That's all I need… to be more like Kikyou.'

 

Kagome had just broken through the tree line and was headed to the Bone Eater's Well when something bright sparkled to her right, catching her attention. Dropping her bag, she turned. Another small gust of wind caught her in the face and she realized the shine was from InuYasha's hair, the silver strands catching and reflecting the sun as he stood, arms crossed, looking at Kikyou. She thanked the Kami for small mercies; she was right behind Inuyasha, blocking her from both him or Kikyou seeing her... and she was directly downwind, preventing InuYasha from detecting her scent.

 

`He'd be so mad if he knew I was going home without letting him know.' Her conscience nagged at her, told her to go to him. `He'd just follow me and be mad that I interrupted his time with Kikyou,' she thought a little angrily, `He doesn't even notice I'm here.'

 

“…she is just not powerful enough.” Kikyou's voice flowed over to her on the wind. If Kagome had InuYasha's ears, they would have flipped forward in interest.

 

`Who are they talking about?'

 

Kagome was too far away, and InuYasha was speaking into the wind. She couldn't hear his response or Kikyou's to his, even as she saw the undead miko's lips move. Eyes moving to the ground, she started to creep forward a little, trying to move as silently as possible.

 

“We can't keep putting her through this.” InuYasha's anger made his voice louder, “She's going to burn out.”

 

“You should send her home.” Kagome's eyes widened. `They're talking about me!' A small flame of anger flickered to life somewhere deep inside the young woman as she realized what they were discussing. `Kikyou isn't that stupid. If they send me back, who will keep her barrier in place?' she reasoned, trying to remind herself that she wasn't, in fact, expendable and useless to the group. The fact that she was headed home right that moment flew out of her head as she raged internally at the thought of them making more decisions about her life. Didn't she get a say in things?

 

Lost in thought, Kagome realized belatedly she had lost the thread of conversation. She strained to hear what the pair was saying; the wind picked up, obliging her, just in time to hear Kikyou's surprisingly heated voice. "She has no control."

 

Kagome felt as though she had just been hit by a truck. The words struck home; underlined the point of thoughts that had bounced around her head all morning…

 

`I really don't have any control over anything. I certainly haven't had much of a say in my life since my birthday.' She suddenly didn't want to hear what InuYasha had to say in response. Her curiosity had been squashed by the decisiveness in Kikyou's voice. InuYasha had never been able to say “no” to her. If Kikyou wanted to send her home, he'd probably do it. Then he'd be inconsolable when Kikyou died. Knowing her luck, he'd blame her, even if he sealed her away. Kagome stifled a sob at the thought. `I know I should have been able to save her the first time… I did my best…'

 

Kagome began walking back to the well, deep in thought. Her thoughts piled up, each more frustrating than the last, and her anger burned hotter and hotter. `I never asked for any of this! It just happened! Like I wanted to be born with the stupid jewel inside me? Or to get pulled through the well and told I'm suddenly in charge of protecting it? I never wanted to know the truth about youkai and hanyou and monsters and miko magic…'

 

Breaking into a run, trying to outrun her thoughts, Kagome threw herself down the well. It was not to be; as the time slip caught her, so did her heavy thoughts. `I never asked to miss almost half a year of school to walk around the Sengoku Jidai, risking my life and having my soul stolen and having some horrible, twisted evil baby try and steal my eyes! Or get kidnapped by an ookami youkai who can't take “no” for an answer. When did I ever wish to be cursed by a black miko? I didn't ask for this! I'm supposed to be a normal school girl, not the reincarnation of a super-powerful miko everybody loved and cherished above all others.'

 

As she walked to the house, Kagome's eyes were drawn almost by habit to Goshinboku, where she had first met InuYasha. For a moment, she could see him as she first laid eyes on him, looking almost like a young boy in a dreamless sleep, hair blown about by the wind. Kagome could still remember the feel of his ears under her fingers. Her heart thrummed out of tempo at the thought of his eyes, unguarded in the light of the fire, anxious as he stared at one of her many wounds, indiscernible after a late-night meeting with the love of his life. Tears pricked her eyes again and she shook the memories from her head. `I didn't ask for this! I didn't want… I didn't need this. I didn't ever want to need somebody like I need him… when he doesn't feel the same way. Kikyou still loves InuYasha… and he loves her.'

 

Kagome slid open the door, moving as a zombie, fists clenched as she fought back on the impulse to scream, to sob, to throw a temper tantrum like she was a five-year-old all over again. Her mother's voice echoed from the kitchen. “Souta?”

 

Anger flared up in the miko again. Her own mother didn't expect her home! Kagome stomped to the kitchen, muttering under her breath until she saw her mother's knowing gaze. `She acts as if she knows everything… she doesn't! She can't!'

 

“Problems, sweetie? I'll go draw you a bath.” Pausing a moment for a hug, her mother hurried up the stairs. `That's it? Her daughter comes back from nearly definite deathly battles five hundred years in the past and all she can think about is if I want a bath?' Usually, her mother's open heart astounded her, humbled her. At this moment, it angered her. `How can she act so calm about all of this? I know it's been going on for a while now, but still! How can she be so okay with this?'

 

Kagome stomped up the stairs to her room, glaring around at the place that had begun to feel more like a popular vacation hot-spot than her actual home. `I should be happy here; why aren't I?' She fell on her bed, screamed into her pillow… and finally gave in to the urge to cry great crocodile tears, bawling out her heartbreak, her frustration at InuYasha and Kikyou, her feelings of inadequacy and inability to do anything herself.

 

`They're all hovering over me, like I can't do a thing on my own. I don't need miko powers to scoop a bowl of stew… I don't need my entire soul to walk myself to the well.' She ignored the tiny, mocking voice in the back of her head, reminding her that Naraku was still out for blood and that she presented a very viable target… almost completely unable to fight back.

 

Kagome sobbed; bitterly.

 

**********

 

“Damn it! I'm not fucking sending her home!” InuYasha was angrier than Kikyou had ever seen before. “Kagome needs to be where I can protect her… I can't protect her and you both if you're not in the same time periods! Plus, she's the only one who's keeping you alive; did you forget that, we- Ki-kyou?” he practically hissed angrily.

 

Kikyou brought a hand to her chest. He'd never spoken to her like that before. The change was startling, but not unexpected. She'd caught the tell-tale distant look in InuYasha's eyes as she'd tried to draw him into conversation earlier in the day. His mind was elsewhere - focused on another miko, lying nearly helpless in her sister's hut.

 

InuYasha gave her a once over, making sure she had her bow and arrows on hand before turning on his heel and walking away. He'd never been so fed up with the priestess… at least, not since he'd learned of Naraku's deception and realized it wasn't really her that had betrayed him.

 

InuYasha was debating heading back to the village and spending more time cheering Kagome up, when the winds shifted, bringing a familiar scent to his twitching nose. `Kagome.' There were no other scents mingled in with hers. `Those idiots! I told them to stay with her, not to let her wander through the woods alone! Anything could have come after her!' He noticed her scent was laced with anger, bitterness and a despondent sadness he usually associated with Kikyou. The discovery was like his bastard half-brother putting those poison claws through his gut; what could be wrong with her to have her this emotional?

 

`Where the hell did she…' He saw a tattered yellow backpack sitting in the field, and then realized her scent was strongest at the Bone Eater's Well. `So the wench went home, did she? Without telling me? Stupid bitch…' InuYasha never stopped to think how the tone in which he thought those curses was softer, gentler than he would have normally put behind it. Absently grabbing the bag, he leapt into the darkness and let the tingling tug of time take him to Kagome.

 

 

 

 

A/N: In case you didn't get it from the first two chapters (for those of you who haven't read the manga, for example), this fic is a divergence beginning at the manga chapter “Light” in which Kikyou dies.

That being said, this fic will encompass many points of the manga, with various character and order changes. Think of it as me taking the manga into pieces and scattering them, then putting them back together again (like the Shikon!)

 

My heart and appreciation goes out to all of those who have reviewed thus far, those of you planning on hitting the “review” button in the future, and especially to my beta, angelica incarnate, who beats me on a regular basis (but it's for my own good!)

 

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or any other characters from the anime/manga. They all belong to Rumiko Takahashi.