InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Cursed ❯ Continuing Hardship ( Chapter 25 )

Chapter Twenty Five - Continuing Hardship

 

She sat there, on display as she was in the uncomfortable, ridiculously intricate kimono she'd been dressed in and began to hate her situation more and more. She knew why she was here. Sesshoumaru had tried to explain it but she knew there was more to it than simply letting people know that she was going to be staying in the palace. There was something more important going on and somehow she knew that she was only complicating matters with her presence. That, however, was currently forgotten as she continued to sit as a statue to the lower right of the youkai that had brought her here.

 

Each youkai that passed to pay their respects to their lord would cast a curious glance at her. It wasn't so much that she minded their curious gazes but it was the physical appearance of the creature themselves that offended her. The females that passed, the women of his court were beyond a doubt the most beautiful creatures she had ever imagined. Each one was dressed in finery, that while not as ornate as hers, fit them in a way that hers never would. These were tall, delicate, sensuous looking creatures that outclassed her in every respect. They were taller than her, with longer more luxurious hair that hers. Their eyes were all shades of the most precious stones that adorned her necks. There were vivid violets, emerald greens and even the occasional fiery red. Their skin was like his, alabaster and flawless. Their necks were long and graceful, their stride purposeful and seductive and their very aura exuded a confidence in their appearances that she would never feel.

 

The longer she sat there, the more common she felt. Being common had never bothered her before but then again, she had never been set on a pedestal for all to view. It was a pedestal she did not find herself worthy of and she wished for nothing more than to crawl off of it and hide herself away in some dark corner. It increasingly felt as though she were the butt of some twisted joke that, while no one was playing it on purpose, she fit the punch line better than anyone could have imagined.

 

Sesshoumaru cordially greeted each of his guests with the due nod of his head but his true attention was not anywhere but on the little human female that sat off to his lower right. Though she had not moved a muscle or made a sound, he could feel the increasing agitation role off of her in waves. This had not been a good idea at least from the perspective of getting her slowly introduced to this way of life. He now regretted the decision. Something was bothering her and though he couldn't be sure exactly what it was, he knew it was only worsening as time went on. Every once in awhile, he would chance a quick glance in her direction, as time went on, he began to notice her eyes sparkling with unshed tears that she thankfully managed to hold back.

 

He didn't miss the difficulty some of his court had with repressing their desire to stare at the human woman and he certainly didn't miss the ones that failed at represent it all together. Undoubtedly, there were already small conversations begging started about this strange guest though if there were any, they all occurred out of earshot.

 

When all of his guests had arrived and taken their seats for the coming performance, Sesshoumaru took this chance to lean down and question her about her apparent state of distress.

 

“Takana.”

 

She didn't look at him or give any indication that she had heard so he leaned closer still to her and whispered her name even louder.

 

“Takana, what is bothering you?” She gave him his answer. She turned to deliver what had to be the most dangerous glare he'd ever seen any creature give and it was focused directly on him. Her eyes were red and her body trembled lightly with barely suppressed rage. She looked at him for only a moment before returning her gaze back to the stage that was still devoid of any players. He'd thought they'd come to a tentative peace but her current state threw that hypothesis to the wind.

 

Sesshoumaru spared a glance at his two coconspirators in this plan to introduce her to society. Tomo had met him in the hall just outside of his rooms. It looked as though his general had not slept either. It was soon apparent why. He immediately began explaining a possible solution to the “human problem” as he'd dubbed it. The fall festival had already been set to begin that night. He believed it would look as though Sesshoumaru had planned on arriving back when he did and if he brought Takana to the opening performance, that would look intended as well. There would still be problems caused but he believed it would be much more manageable if handled this way. The mated pair now looked just as worried as he felt. He saw Yuti turn and say something to Tomo but he could not make it out. He seemed to disagree with whatever opinion she'd raised. She looked back to her lord with an expression that clearly said, `all will be well, I hope.'

 

Finally, several of the surrounding lanterns were dimmed, signaling the start of the show and silently asking the audience for its full attention. Sesshoumaru looked to the stage as was expected of him but kept all of his other senses attuned to Takana.

 

The only human in the room or even within miles of the area stared ahead and slowly pushed her anger aside her anger as a single figure stepped onto the stage, bathed in white, flowing robes with hair that matched. This creature, like the ones that had been paraded in front of her, was also perfect but that was not why she drew Takana's attention. It was her eyes. Takana couldn't be sure if it were real or if it was some sort of trick but the way that woman's eyes looked was exactly how she felt, full of pain.

 

Then, when all voices had ceased and the large amphitheater was dead silent, she began to sing. At first her voice was alone, carrying a mournful tune in an unknown tongue that sent shivers down Takana's spine. Slowly, quietly, plucked instruments and perfectly toned drums joined in with her in a simple harmony that had more impact on Takana than the loudest thunder crack ever could. It was beautiful and terribly sad all at once. She wanted to cry along with the singer; to let her know that she knew exactly what she felt even though she had no idea with was being said. It was enough that the mood was conveyed and understood far better than any string of words. The song went on for quite some time and by the time it ended, Takana had forgotten all of her rage, had forgotten even that she'd been angry. She just wanted to hear that song again. Unfortunately, Takana rarely got what she wanted and today would be no different. The white clad figure quietly left the stage in the same quiet manner in which she'd arrived and before Takana had even noticed they were there, several dozen drums were expertly revealed in both the foreground and background of the stage. The rest of the show captivated Takana but none of it in the way that the first singer had done.

 

Unfortunately though, after the performance, the same procession occurred and once again she felt small and out of place in this world that was not her own. Again, she bore it, though barely. Finally, everyone departed and she found herself alone with the youkai once again.

 

He had hoped her distress had left permanently but as the show ended, it began to build once again. He was once again on ground that he felt uncomfortable with. He didn't know what to say or where even to start. The only thing he did know was that he needed to say something and soon before she broke down and perhaps began her silent treatment again. He decided to employ a tactic one might use on an unhappy inu bitch. He stood gracefully and kneeled down next to her, placing their faces at an equal height.

 

“Whatever you desire, I will provide.” He breathed quietly into her ear. He wanted her to be happy here and this was the only way he could think of to do it.

 

Now she truly felt insulted. Did he think he could buy her affections, her trust? She was in no mood to be insulted. It only caused her ire to worsen and focus even more on the creature next to her. “Whatever I desire?” She asked quietly, her tone belaying nothing of what she felt.

 

“Anything.” He was desperate.

 

“I desire my old life back, before you.” She said it as though it were something he would give her. She knew that was impossible and not at all what he meant but she had absolutely no wish to make this easy on him. This had been a torture for her after all, why shouldn't he too suffer for the pain he'd caused, for the lies he'd told and for the life he'd destroyed. “And since you are in the business of giving me what I desire, I want my baby brother to live again. I want to have never been raped. I want my father to have never had to throw me away. But most of all, I wish that I had never, ever met you.” By the time she finished the statement, the quiet rage in her voice made him shiver.

 

Sesshoumaru drew back from her.

 

“I can only give you what is within my power, within reason.”

 

“Ah and how am I supposed to judge what is reasonable? Just two days ago, I believed you human only to find that you were the Lord of the Western Lands. I don't think, in all reality, that I'm in a position to tell you what I think is reasonable or for you to demand such of me.” While she was at it, since she felt so cold and so low, she decided to go for broke. She saw no point in holding back.

 

“I really have no luck in this life. I actually think I'm cursed. You know, you are now the third man in my life that has destroyed it.”

 

“I have told you, that was not my intention.” Sesshoumaru was fighting hard to cage the beast but he had never known such insult in his life. Never in a million years would he have imagined that he would force himself to bear it for the sake of a human woman. He loved her, yes, though he had not said as such. He had wronged her, yes but to be compared to two men that never saw her worth, who cast her aside with little to no thought, who thought her lower dirt, it was an injury he found difficult to bear.

 

“And it was not my intention to rut two youkai in my lifetime. It was not my intention to give my trust to those who would betray it so callously. It was not my intention to...” But she didn't finish, so many tears were streaming out of her eyes and her voice could no longer support the painful words she spoke. “I wish that you had never revealed yourself to me.” She cried silently.

 

He looked at her blankly for a moment, allowing what she said to sink in. If he had never revealed himself as a youkai, he never would have returned after being given back the form to which he was born. It stung to believe that was truly what she wanted, abandonment over a life with him.

 

“Why?” He asked, dumbfounded. He knew she was hurting but this...

 

“Because then, I would have thought you died and we could have lived in our respective worlds where we belong. You do not belong in mine and I most certainly do not belong in yours. They do not work together.” Tears were pouring down her cheeks. She felt so foolish. Even after everything that had happened, she still found that she loved him.

 

He refused to believe it and if he did not believe it, then it was not true. “I say that they can.” He would not let her go even if he could have guaranteed her safety.

 

She laughed. “You say that they can. Is that how your world works? You say it is and suddenly it's true. Do you really believe that?” She sighed and looked off to the side for a moment before continuing.

 

“I wish I believed that. If only it were that easy.” She lifted her eyes back to his. She saw the confusion and frustration on his face. It mirrored the conflict inside her own but she did not stop. “Because if it was, I would say that my brother is alive, that I was happy and that you never lied to me and were actually human. But saying it does not make it so, does it?” She took a deep breath. “Even if it isn't safe, you should take me back to my home.”

 

“No.” He would not let her go though he let her turn away from him. “I will not let you leave.” He stated firmly. She was connected to him. He imagined a world without her and did not like what he saw. He knew he was being selfish but it was difficult to break a habit that was over two hundred years in the making. He thought to his past, before he met her and wondered how he had managed. She was his life now. It didn't matter that she would age and die long before he ever grew old but that was the future. The future had always been something he looked to but now, all he cared about was the present. That's where she was. When he thought of his future, he knew she would not be there and therefore, he didn't think on it.

 

“You are my life now.”

 

“I will die.”

 

He turned her around to look at him. When she did not raise her eyes to his, he lifted her chin. “You are my life now.”

 

She tried to pull away but he held her firmly. She continued to pull against his hold and became desperate. “Please let me go...please!” She cried. He held firm. She made one last effort in vain and then gave up. Her entire body was wracked by sobs and finally, she just collapsed against him. “It's foolish to keep me. I'll only grow to hate you for it.”

 

He clenched his eyes shut at her words. He had no retort and could only hope that she was wrong. In the end however, right or wrong, he was going to keep her here, with him, as close to him as he could manage.

 

“I don't want to hate you.” She meant it. She wanted more than anything to be happy but she just couldn't fathom bridging the gulf that now laid before them. He was youkai, she was human. He was a lord while she was and always would be a peasant. She could not be his wife here. If she stayed, what would it be for? His servant? His mistress? She scarcely dared to even think of the unborn she was now certain she carried within her. It was all too much to bear. A fresh batch of tears rolled down her flushed cheeks.

 

“Then do not.” He knew it was oversimplified but at the moment, he needed all the reassurance he could get. Even if it was from himself and even if he barely believed it.

 

 

AN: I know, I know. It's a bit of rehash of the same feeling from the chapter before last but I just don't see how anyone would be able to get over such a traumatic experience just like that, so that's my excuse for this chapter. It just felt necessary or the rest of the story was going to feel rushed and forced for me and since I'm the writer, I get to make the decisions. :) He, he. Evil me.

 

emeraldoni - Yup, I'm right back where I belong and I'm glad you liked the last chaps. I just kind of cringed when I read part of your review knowing that I was going to post this. So still, poor, poor Taiyoukai.

Cochrann - Plot twists are my forte. Without them I just feel...incomplete.

Nikkie23534 - I'm so happy the little ones are doing so well! They sound absolutely adorable! I'm glad I've kept you happy with recent updates; I hope to continue the trend. Forgiveness is tough to give sometimes, especially when you're so worried about getting hurt again and in Takana's case; she'd got a lot to work through. Thanks for checking out my `Red Eye' fic. It's a hoot to write too.