InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Demons, Inc. ❯ Chapter 02: Common Sense Says Everything Is a Conspiracy! ( Chapter 2 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Stars Came Out 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.12.2005 | Updated On: 05.24.2009 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.9K | Visits: 535 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.12.2005 | Updated On: 05.24.2009 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.9K | Visits: 535 | Status: Completed
DEMONS, INC.
Chapter 02: Common Sense Says Everything Is a Conspiracy!
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Kagome blinked as the sun came streaming in through the high window in the bedroom she had claimed as her own. Groaning, she rolled over and fell off of the bed with a thump. She stayed on the floor for a moment until she finally found the energy to push herself up. Yawning and scratching her ear, Kagome made her way through the apartment into the kitchenette. She looked around the silent room.
No one else was around. So, she made herself at home.
She opened up the refrigerator and found things that could have been seen in any human's refrigerator. There was a carton of milk, a case of beer, three cans of lemonade, a jar of pickle relish, a bottle of ketchup that was beginning to change colors, and a Tupperware container with something spongy inside. Clearing her throat, she pulled out the carton of milk and took a drink straight from it, in the way of teenage boys in '90s sitcoms. She folded the lid and put it away and went to the cupboards.
She found crackers, a loaf of moldy bread, marshmallow cereal, and ground beef that should have been in the refrigerator.
There didn't seem to be much difference between the demon and human food groups, which made Kagome wonder why Sango had made her a "human dish" the previous night instead of a "demon dish." She also had to wonder where the ingredients for her "human dish" had come from.
Shrugging, she took the cereal and looked around the house for the television. On the coffee table in front of it was a note.
We're going to work. We'll be back later this evening. Do not, under any circumstances, leave the apartment. Or we'll kill you.
"How very eloquent," Kagome remarked, rolling the paper into a ball. Carefully, she took aim at the framed photographs on the shelving by the television, gleaming cheerfully in the morning light. She threw the paper ball but didn't manage to knock a photograph over as planned. "Bummer."
She turned on the television and settled for watching it all day.
It was going to be a boring day.
After fifteen minutes, she firmed her resolve, gathered ammo, and retreated to safety, barricading her fortress.
"Oh, spidey!" she called from her perch on top of the refrigerator, her brother's shoe next to her like a trusty gun. Never mind how the shoe had gotten up there on its own. Everyone knows shoes are very crafty.
The spider scuttled along the tiled kitchen floor, its little legs hitting the floor silently. Kagome took aim and threw the television's remote control at it, barely missing the creature. The back of the remote control popped open, which resulted in the two batteries rolling away and the 5 button falling out. The spider rushed along the floor and then settled itself on top of one of the batteries. Kagome threw the milk carton. Milk went everywhere. It splattered the walls and the hapless spider. The batteries smoked and hissed when they were drenched, but did little else. The spider singed one of its claws on the battery and danced away.
"Gotcha! That potent liquid will slow ye down, oh mindless mutant!" Kagome cried bravely. The spider must not have heard her, because it frantically crawled all over the place as if it was on fire. There was no slowing down of that little guy. Kagome, vigilant, eyed the little devil as it ran in circles. "What have ye to say now, artful arachnid?!"
"Screeeeee!" was all it had to say.
"Is that so?" Kagome called and lifted up her next weapon. Rotting ground beef flew in all directions and the valiant spider lost a leg somewhere along the way. Who knew that ground beef was so dangerous? Kagome cheered herself onward, confident with her new victory. The spider limped along at an angle, trying to get out of the kitchen. Kagome had already craftily closed the door and stuck marshmallows underneath the cracks. The spider clawed at the barrier resentfully while Kagome gloated from on top of the refrigerator.
"Screee!"
"Scree yourself, you slimy simpleton!" Kagome quipped and threw paper plates the way one throws ninja stars. Every time a decorative holiday plate hit it, the spider let out one more scree. If Kagome knew what it was saying to her in spider-language, she might've used the bar of soap for her next weapon. But she was saving that for later.
"Screee!"
"Alas! I shall not let you free, you petulant pest!" she told it and prepared her next weapon. She shook up a beer can until she could hear it fizzing, and then she pulled the tab. She launched it in grenade-fashion. Foamy beer drenched the poor spider. The milky, beery, meat-covered spider's hairs clung to its body pitifully.
"Screeeeee...!"
"What ho! What will it take to do ye in, bothersome bug?!" She set off another beer grenade. The stream of beer managed to hit it at the right angle, and the spider was thrown against the door with the pressure of the beer. Another leg came off. Kagome lobbed the bar of soap. The spider lost two more legs and was left to drag itself pitifully across the ground, crying out against the abuse.
Kagome grunted and donned a wise expression, and she turned to the shoe.
"Well, shoe," she told her brother's shoe as if talking to a right-hand man, "it is down to you and I and one last grenade. I knew I should've grabbed the whole box."
Kagome picked up her head to get a better view of the weakened spider. "AHH!" she cried with terror, her eyes going wide. "It has called in reinforcements! We're doomed!"
With vigor, she shook up her final beer can and lobbed it at both spiders, drenching them. She leapt from the refrigerator, shoe in hand, and grabbed the rest of the beers. She took a flying leap over her enemies, swung the door open, and darted into the living room. She took a spot on top of the chair, watching the floor. The spiders scuttled around, leaving small trails of beer in the carpet.
She shook up another beer can and launched it. It hit the television, which didn't exactly make sense because the TV was on the opposite side of the room, but a new, highly attractive crack ran along the glossy glass surface anyhow. The much abused spider died in the attack. It was left on the battlefield, legs curling pitifully, as the other spider, still fresh although a little beery, skittered around and cried. It climbed up the wall and onto the shelving, where it tried to hide behind a picture frame. Kagome shook up another beer and lobbed it, ducking behind the chair as the can exploded when it hit the wall. The picture frames toppled down, domino-style, and the spider climbed along the wreckage valiantly. Streams of beer ran down the wall. Broken glass littered the shelving and floor.
Kagome grabbed one of Miroku's naughty magazines from the coffee table and rolled it up. Using Souta's shoelace, she tied it together tightly. She threw it as one would throw a harpoon, or a javelin. It hit the spider and it lost four legs in the attack. It then fell to the ground from its place on the shelf.
"Aha!" Kagome cried. She leapt back up on top of the chair and gripped her last beer can in one hand, shoe in the other. She kissed the beer can the way one kisses something precious before letting it go forever, and she launched it. The television earned a second crack and the can exploded. Bits of aluminum went everywhere and the entire place was covered and dripping with alcohol.
The chase went into the bedroom with the Twin-size bed.
"She's probably still asleep," Miroku consoled warily, his eyes in much the same state. He balanced a pencil on his nose and hummed the theme song to some television show he had seen earlier that week. The door to the television room opened with a creak. Miroku's pencil fell to the floor with an ominous clatter.
"Hello, boys," Kagura said slowly, peeking her head into the room. Her shadow stretched into the dim room and covered them both. Both men looked up at her as if they had been caught doing something wrong. "You haven't noticed anything...strange lately, have you?"
"No. Why?" Inuyasha lied easily. Like humans popping into the hallway was perfectly normal...
"No reason," she said, although she looked a bit angry. She left the room, muttering something about incompetence, and safely closed the door behind her.
"You don't think..."
"But I do..." Miroku corrected.
"Conspiracy!" Inuyasha whispered sharply, launching himself forward in his rolling chair and hitting his desk with a fist. "We've got to think of something. We can't keep the human around much longer. Kagura's already getting suspicious."
"Hmm. How about we bait a human here? That way we can push her back into the human world sooner."
"How can we do that without opening up a hot spot?"
"Let me ponder," Miroku ordered. He snatched up his pencil and stuffed the eraser into his mouth thoughtfully. He spun in his rolling chair in a few circles.
"...Let's go home for lunch now," Inuyasha said. "I'm hungry."
"You're right. And the human is undoubtedly hungry, as well."
Panting, Kagome retrieved the shoe she had dropped and limped from the bathroom, pressing onward like a true warrior, leaving behind bloody footprints as proof of loyalty to her cause. The spider, like any wise bug would, had taken to hiding somewhere. Kagome was not to be deterred.
She paused in the hallway, absolutely silent. The sounds of running water, dripping beer, and a strange sizzling reached her ears. Then came a faint scratching. With a passionate war cry, she launched herself forward to the spider's hiding place, gripping the shoe, and ran into the sofa full force. The heavy piece of furniture scooted forward several inches and tipped dangerously. Kagome overbalanced and ran into it again on accident, and it fell forward completely and hit the coffee table. The coffee table flipped over, leaning against the fallen sofa.
"Screee!"
Kagome turned to that dangerous noise and panted wildly. After she caught sight of the spider, she sounded off another war cry and flew forward, smashing the bug with the shoe.
Splayed out on the floor as if she had been shot, her arms flung tragically forward as if reaching for a last hope, hair dripping, foot bloody, covered in beer and milk, panting, sweaty, face flushed...she was the image of any good war hero.
And that was how Inuyasha and Miroku found her.
For a moment, no one said anything. Kagome remained as she was, panting and looking absolutely spent. Inuyasha felt his eye twitch. Miroku swallowed muddily at the disaster spread out before him.
And then, Inuyasha spoke with the voice of great reason from above, "What the fuck happened here?"
"A great battle," Kagome said sagely. "A very great battle indeed."
Inuyasha had spent a half hour ranting and poking around the tattered apartment. He had nearly electrocuted himself on the television cord when he was blotting up beer, and he had almost burned a finger on a smoking battery when he was throwing them away. Miroku had resignedly gotten out a trash bag, broom, and dust pan and set to work. Kagome had taken care of her wounded foot, which had started to swell.
After that episode, they had eaten the food Inuyasha and Miroku brought home from a fast food restaurant. Sango had given suggestions on foods for Kagome, and they at least had the decency to bring her fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and mashed potatoes, because that had been Kohaku's favorite dish. Kagome couldn't complain because it was probably one of her favorites, too.
When all was eaten, Inuyasha and Miroku had the audacity to bind Kagome's hands with a pillowcase before they left for work again.
Kagome scooted over to the window as they left. She watched the deep red car pull out from its parking spot and take off in the opposite direction. She followed the road with her eyes until her gaze came to rest on the city. Peaking over the other buildings, Demons, Inc. could be seen, tall and wide as a mountain.
Kagome waited several minutes.
And then she waited several more.
And then she looked down to her tied hands, bound as they were with a pink candy-striped pillowcase with a pair of woolly mittens over them to prevent her fingers from taking any individual action. With a snort, Kagome walked over to the kitchen and teased open a drawer on the island with her elbow. Wriggling her way up on to to the island with a great amount of acrobatic talent, she used her feet, very skillfully, to pull out a butter knife. Bending her hands down to her feet, she poked the butter knife through the center of the knot in the pillow case and plowed through it. The pillowcase fell harmlessly away. She pulled off the mittens that were around her fingers and dropped them to the floor.
Kagome returned the knife to the drawer and hoped Inuyasha used it on his pancakes.
Dusting off her hands, Kagome set to work. She had a new objective.
And that was getting home. She missed her mother. She missed her grandfather. She missed her brother, friends, cat, bedroom, and pink shower curtains. Mostly the pink curtains.
Kagome trooped into the first bedroom and dug around in a laundry hamper. She pulled out a tee-shirt that, as she could tell from a sniff, smelled like a demon. She shed her own tee-shirt and donned the new one. Then she moved to the next bedroom, where she pillaged a pair of used blue jeans. With some disgust, she traded her own for the borrowed pair, and substituted a sweatshirt for a belt, because the pants were much too big. She rolled up the legs a great deal, as well, since they were also much too long.
Looking something like a 90s middle school punk without the jacket, she then went into the bathroom, sprayed herself with Miroku's cologne, Inuyasha's aftershave, and someone's demon deodorant.
"Now I smell like a very odorous demon," she announced to no one in particular. At least, there should have been no one, unless the spiders were back...
Shaking the spider incident clearly out of mind, she tromped back to the living room and stood by the front door. Her hand wavered over the doorknob anxiously as she considered staying put, as she had been told.
"I swear if you cause any more fucking trouble, I'll fucking rip you to pieces, got it?!" Inuyasha yelled at her.
"And I shall not stop him," Miroku admonished, looking like a librarian telling a patron he had one too many overdue books and was never allowed to lend from that establishment again.
"It's not my fault your house is overrun by spiders. I also don't have anything better to do," Kagome said breezily. Inuyasha and Miroku were, both of them, all bark and no bite.
"I don't fucking care. One more step out of line, and I'll make your death painful and slow."
"Aye, aye, captain," Kagome answered, smiling winningly.
"I don't think you understand," Miroku said suddenly. He looked very serious. "Not only did you make a mess of our apartment, but you made a lot of noise. Kagome, we've told you several times...anyone else here would have you killed immediately. We're at least trying to help you."
"Yeah, on top of that, we're risking our asses doing so. We'd be in more trouble if they found out we're keeping your sorry ass hidden. If we turned you in, we might just get fired. If we get caught with you, we'll be punished with anything from prison to execution. Get it?"
"Yeah, yeah," Kagome said, waving her hand dismissively but feeling a bit uneasy. "I didn't mean to make a mess. I got carried away."
"Whatever," Inuyasha said, rolling his eyes.
Kagome might have stayed put after that. She felt guilty. But then Inuyasha told her she smelled like shit and he bound her hands. Miroku said bondage was kinky. She did not feel so guilty anymore.
Kagome opened the door and trotted down the stairs. "Demons, Inc., here I come..."
Yeah, that would work.
Kagome made it through the city without a passing glance from anyone else to suggest someone knew she was a human in disguise. One demon had gagged as she walked by her and had to clamp a large blue hand over her slitted nose, but that was all the excitement there was. Kagome was not accustomed to smelling so badly that she was avoided in public, but she was grateful that her highly clever disguise was fooling everyone. Even if she did smell like a combination of her two least favorite men. Well, except for her math teacher...that man could assign homework like no tomorrow.
Once in the Demons, Inc. building she sneaked around the lobbies and rooms, and poked her way through restricted areas (which was by far the most fun of the venture). She worked her way through dizzying hallways and she avoided the elevator. She paused whenever she saw someone coming, just for good measure, and she took her time in picking directions. She did not want to be kicked out and have to do it again. Plus, she wanted to feel like a top secret government spy.
When she came around a corner of what had previously been a quiet hallway, she saw a man and a woman talking feverishly in hushed tones. She ducked behind a partially opened door and tried to calm her hammering heart as they paused near where she was standing.
"Are you sure?" the man said.
"Yes," said the woman with an impatient tone. "Those two morons wouldn't know a human from a pickle."
"So the human is loose in the city somewhere?"
"I believe so," the woman replied, looking weary. She took a long drag of her cigarette. The smoke drowned out any other scent, thankfully for Kagome.
"Fuck. Send out a team, will you? We're going to be in so much fucking trouble."
The woman scowled and dropped some ash from her cigarette to the floor. "Why don't you send out a team?"
"My team's guarding all the hot spots. If the human so much as tries to get back, we'll nab it. It's your responsibility to clean out the city."
"What if it can't be found? What if it's moved on? Or what if it's dead?"
"Why are you asking me?" the man asked, raising an eyebrow. "But for all our sakes, I hope it is found. I don't want to be on the boss' bad side. And I definitely don't want Demons, Inc. to know what we've been doing."
"Alright, alright," the woman said, waving her hand. She sighed and tossed a strand of hair away from her eyes. "I'll start with those two nincompoops' apartment. I'll call you if I find anything."
"Great. See you later, babe."
"Don't start that shit," the woman said with a hard glare, tapping her cigarette out on his shoe. "Are you going back down to the hot spots?"
"Nah, my team is already down there. I'm going to go deliver a message to my brother."
"Fine," the woman said. She turned and walked down the hallway very gracefully. The man spun on his heel, muttered, and disappeared from view. Kagome, although her heart was pounding and her legs felt like jelly, crept along behind the man carefully. She kept a good distance and didn't make a sound.
The man turned into a room suddenly, and Kagome stood nearby. The door closed and she pressed her ear against it.
"Boss wants me to deliver a message, little brother," came the first man's muffled voice.
"What message?" the second half-snarled.
"'Fifteen hours.'"
"And that's supposed to mean...?" the second man asked self-importantly, although his tone seemed to waver.
"Don't kid around, little brother. You'd be a fool if this doesn't get taken care of."
"Alright," the younger said with a weary sigh. "I'll take care of this tonight. This is such messy business..."
"Boss is a messy businessman," the first quipped. "Well, then..." the voice tapered off as Kagome gathered her wits, swallowed muddily, and dashed down the hallway.
Someone knocked at the door. Inuyasha and Miroku looked up as it opened a crack. A nervous beam of light jiggled as the person who opened the door tried to decide whether or not they wanted to come in. Finally, the person decided to and closed the door behind herself.
"Guys!" Kagome whispered hoarsely. "There's some real trouble!"
"The fuck are you doing here?!" Inuyasha hissed, snarling. "That's it, bitch, it's time to die!"
"Wait!" Kagome squeaked, holding up her hands in a pacifying gesture. "There's real trouble! Please don't kill me!"
"What 'real trouble?' More spiders?" Inuyasha taunted.
"Let's hear the lady first," Miroku said.
"Okay...Okay, I'll admit! I shouldn't be here! I was going to go through one of the hot spots doors---"
"Uncooperative, ungratef---"
"And I hid in this hallway when I saw two people coming. They paused by my door and..." Kagome told them the tale, complete with expressive hand gestures and false voices. She only fell over once. Kagome then went on to describe the people she had seen, from the tall, overly groomed woman who smoked a cigarette to the even taller man with black hair and his younger brother whom she had not seen.
"Kagura..." Inuyasha and Miroku muttered simultaneously.
"But who were the brothers?" Miroku wondered.
"It's a conspiracy!" Inuyasha insisted, thumping his hand against the table. "Oh, fuck! And she's going to go break into the apartment! She'll smell Ka-Kagome all over the place! As if calling us names wasn't bad enough!"
"I doubt she'll smell Kagome," Miroku said dubiously. "There was so much beer that the scent of alcohol drowns the smell all out. Didn't you notice as we were leaving?"
"So my battle did pay off! Other than saving me from a messy death-by-spider..." Kagome mused, tapping her chin thoughtfully.
"What're we going to do now?" Inuyasha sulked. "They've got people watching all the hot spots...They're sweeping the city..."
"We're doomed!" Kagome wailed despairingly. It seemed like the appropriate thing to do.
"I'm starving," she announced to her demon companions, who were pacing anxiously and talking secretively out of her hearing range by the front door. Kagome turned her pockets inside out and shook her pants upside down, smacking on her peppermint. Inuyasha and Miroku both paused talking and looked over at her. Both donned looks of shame and Miroku looked nearly ready to cry, although Kagome missed this priceless Kodak moment as she stuck her nose in a pocket.
"...Stay here," Inuyasha ordered her. "If you obey, we'll let you have dinner."
Kagome blinked as the two men went into the kitchenette, closing the door behind them. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously and crawled across the hallway. She pressed her ear against the door and listened.
"---op her into little, very teeny-tiny bits, and then feed her to someone's pet...Sango's cat or something...that would work," Inuyasha said. Kagome's mouth dropped in horror, her peppermint sticking to her tongue.
"Oh, come on, man...I feel really bad about this," Miroku whispered back nervously. Kagome could hear his feet shuffle against the tile as he moved around restlessly.
"She's ruining our lives! How can you feel bad?!" Inuyasha hissed through his teeth. Kagome glowered at the door.
"Fine. Do you want to kill her? You do the honors," Miroku quipped. Kagome began to panic.
Inuyasha remained silent and Kagome couldn't hear him moving.
"You can't do it, can you?" Miroku said in a gentler tone.
"If we had done it right away, then maybe...but..."
"Yeah, now we've lived with her for two days. So now it's harder...It would feel like murder." Kagome nodded to herself encouragingly, her panic abating. She would make it through this...
"So what do we do?!"
Kagome crawled back into the other room and began searching her jeans' back pockets. And then she noticed something strange. From the angle at which she sat on the floor, she could see a small, coin-sized object clinging to the side of the sofa's leg. She scooted over to it and picked it off, examining it carefully.
"What've you got there, bitch?" Inuyasha said warily as they came back into the room. Kagome held the little black object up so that Inuyasha could see it better. The men both paled. Inuyasha lunged forward, grabbed the object from her, and then crushed it between his fingers. It hissed and spluttered. Inuyasha swore as he dropped the smoking device, and he sucked on his burned finger.
"Seems Kagura has more faith in us than she pretends..." Miroku murmured. "Let's check the rest of the apartment."
"...Was that a bug?" Kagome asked, cocking her head curiously.
"Yes," Miroku answered.
"...Awesome," Kagome said. "I've always wanted to be in a spy movie." Then she choked on the last shards of her peppermint.
Kagome paused when she came to a news flash, marred by the two cracks she had given the otherwise smooth television screen. Her jaw stopped working as she watched.
"---found dead in their suburban home this morning. Arata Fox, whom we all know from the hit television show The Years of Our Lives as the beloved Sabrina, was reported to have three shot wounds, as well as several stab wounds. Hisoka Fox, a hunter for the Small Game Team A, was brutally stabbed to death. The murderer was thorough in leaving no evidence behind, which suggests that the killer is a professional. The couple's young son was away at a friend's house when this tragedy occurred. The child is currently safe and is staying with his kindergarten teacher Hina..."
"Yikes..." Kagome muttered. "I guess the human world isn't the only one with crazy murderers."
"In other news, diet milk might be linked---"
"Diet milk...sheesh. Nothing but whole milk for me," Kagome said and turned off the television. She stretched in a very catlike fashion and pattered off to the kitchen with her trusty box of cereal. "Have you seen my other shoe?"
"Why would I have seen your shoe?" Inuyasha asked, hanging the telephone up and looking a little pale.
"Well, I haven't seen it since last night," Kagome explained as she began poking around in drawers and cupboards. "But I haven't seen my socks since I got here."
"I saw one of your socks in the sink."
"Oh. Huh," Kagome said and smiled. "My footwear eludes me."
"I'd like my own toothbrush," Kagome said through a mouthful of Italian (well, it was technically Pitalian sausage since she was in the demon world) sausage. "I've been using someone else's."
"...Which one?" Miroku asked as the two demons blanched in fear, both praying it was the other's toothbrush.
"The pink one with a cherry-patterned Band-Aid around the middle. It was the pretty one," Kagome said breezily, licking tomato sauce away from the corner of her mouth and crossing her eyes as she concentrated.
"AHHHH!" Inuyasha screamed. He rushed to the sink and stuck his mouth underneath the steady stream of water, all the while as he stomped one foot against the floor repeatedly with enough vivacity to rival square dancing. He kneed the cupboard and his toes curled up. He looked very pained and tearful, as if he had just swallowed bubblegum-flavored antibiotics.
"I popped someone's personal bubble," Kagome said nonchalantly and took another bite of her sandwich. Miroku looked caught between relief and horror, but he consolingly moved to his friend's side and patted his back in a comforting fashion.
"I'll get you a new one, my friend."
"I won't need one!" Inuyasha insisted in a hoarse hiss, slapping Miroku's arm away. Spitty water flew everywhere and his eyes teared up. "My lovely, beautiful, pearly white fangs will rot and fall out by the end of the week...I've been sharing a toothbrush with a human..."
"I thought we got over this," Kagome said, her voice skeptic. "I'm not dangerous!"
"My life is over!" Inuyasha mourned as he sunk to his knees.
"...You know, my friends would say that's like we've indirectly kissed," Kagome said, half-grinning, imagining her three friends pounce on Inuyasha. Inuyasha's eyes widened and he lunged back to the stainless steel sink, his whines and cries all the louder.
"That was not very nice," Miroku told Kagome. The girl just wiggled her nose as a spot of tomato sauce from her sandwich appeared there.
"You guys probably don't want to know what I've done to the milk if this is how you react," Kagome said, a glint in her eye. Both men stiffened.
Next chapter: When Your Dirty Socks Go Bump in the Night! Shippou enters, a trip to the mountains, and monsters in the closet!
Chapter 02: Common Sense Says Everything Is a Conspiracy!
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Kagome blinked as the sun came streaming in through the high window in the bedroom she had claimed as her own. Groaning, she rolled over and fell off of the bed with a thump. She stayed on the floor for a moment until she finally found the energy to push herself up. Yawning and scratching her ear, Kagome made her way through the apartment into the kitchenette. She looked around the silent room.
No one else was around. So, she made herself at home.
She opened up the refrigerator and found things that could have been seen in any human's refrigerator. There was a carton of milk, a case of beer, three cans of lemonade, a jar of pickle relish, a bottle of ketchup that was beginning to change colors, and a Tupperware container with something spongy inside. Clearing her throat, she pulled out the carton of milk and took a drink straight from it, in the way of teenage boys in '90s sitcoms. She folded the lid and put it away and went to the cupboards.
She found crackers, a loaf of moldy bread, marshmallow cereal, and ground beef that should have been in the refrigerator.
There didn't seem to be much difference between the demon and human food groups, which made Kagome wonder why Sango had made her a "human dish" the previous night instead of a "demon dish." She also had to wonder where the ingredients for her "human dish" had come from.
Shrugging, she took the cereal and looked around the house for the television. On the coffee table in front of it was a note.
We're going to work. We'll be back later this evening. Do not, under any circumstances, leave the apartment. Or we'll kill you.
"How very eloquent," Kagome remarked, rolling the paper into a ball. Carefully, she took aim at the framed photographs on the shelving by the television, gleaming cheerfully in the morning light. She threw the paper ball but didn't manage to knock a photograph over as planned. "Bummer."
She turned on the television and settled for watching it all day.
It was going to be a boring day.
* * *
Kagome did not, in fact, watch the television all day. Halfway through The Years of Our Lives, Kagome was brutally attacked. A ruthless, eight-legged killer with a heavy sense of bloodlust descended upon her like a fog, or a nightmare, or the eternal night. Kagome screamed and ran like a bat out of hell as the murderer chased her about the house.After fifteen minutes, she firmed her resolve, gathered ammo, and retreated to safety, barricading her fortress.
"Oh, spidey!" she called from her perch on top of the refrigerator, her brother's shoe next to her like a trusty gun. Never mind how the shoe had gotten up there on its own. Everyone knows shoes are very crafty.
The spider scuttled along the tiled kitchen floor, its little legs hitting the floor silently. Kagome took aim and threw the television's remote control at it, barely missing the creature. The back of the remote control popped open, which resulted in the two batteries rolling away and the 5 button falling out. The spider rushed along the floor and then settled itself on top of one of the batteries. Kagome threw the milk carton. Milk went everywhere. It splattered the walls and the hapless spider. The batteries smoked and hissed when they were drenched, but did little else. The spider singed one of its claws on the battery and danced away.
"Gotcha! That potent liquid will slow ye down, oh mindless mutant!" Kagome cried bravely. The spider must not have heard her, because it frantically crawled all over the place as if it was on fire. There was no slowing down of that little guy. Kagome, vigilant, eyed the little devil as it ran in circles. "What have ye to say now, artful arachnid?!"
"Screeeeee!" was all it had to say.
"Is that so?" Kagome called and lifted up her next weapon. Rotting ground beef flew in all directions and the valiant spider lost a leg somewhere along the way. Who knew that ground beef was so dangerous? Kagome cheered herself onward, confident with her new victory. The spider limped along at an angle, trying to get out of the kitchen. Kagome had already craftily closed the door and stuck marshmallows underneath the cracks. The spider clawed at the barrier resentfully while Kagome gloated from on top of the refrigerator.
"Screee!"
"Scree yourself, you slimy simpleton!" Kagome quipped and threw paper plates the way one throws ninja stars. Every time a decorative holiday plate hit it, the spider let out one more scree. If Kagome knew what it was saying to her in spider-language, she might've used the bar of soap for her next weapon. But she was saving that for later.
"Screee!"
"Alas! I shall not let you free, you petulant pest!" she told it and prepared her next weapon. She shook up a beer can until she could hear it fizzing, and then she pulled the tab. She launched it in grenade-fashion. Foamy beer drenched the poor spider. The milky, beery, meat-covered spider's hairs clung to its body pitifully.
"Screeeeee...!"
"What ho! What will it take to do ye in, bothersome bug?!" She set off another beer grenade. The stream of beer managed to hit it at the right angle, and the spider was thrown against the door with the pressure of the beer. Another leg came off. Kagome lobbed the bar of soap. The spider lost two more legs and was left to drag itself pitifully across the ground, crying out against the abuse.
Kagome grunted and donned a wise expression, and she turned to the shoe.
"Well, shoe," she told her brother's shoe as if talking to a right-hand man, "it is down to you and I and one last grenade. I knew I should've grabbed the whole box."
Kagome picked up her head to get a better view of the weakened spider. "AHH!" she cried with terror, her eyes going wide. "It has called in reinforcements! We're doomed!"
With vigor, she shook up her final beer can and lobbed it at both spiders, drenching them. She leapt from the refrigerator, shoe in hand, and grabbed the rest of the beers. She took a flying leap over her enemies, swung the door open, and darted into the living room. She took a spot on top of the chair, watching the floor. The spiders scuttled around, leaving small trails of beer in the carpet.
She shook up another beer can and launched it. It hit the television, which didn't exactly make sense because the TV was on the opposite side of the room, but a new, highly attractive crack ran along the glossy glass surface anyhow. The much abused spider died in the attack. It was left on the battlefield, legs curling pitifully, as the other spider, still fresh although a little beery, skittered around and cried. It climbed up the wall and onto the shelving, where it tried to hide behind a picture frame. Kagome shook up another beer and lobbed it, ducking behind the chair as the can exploded when it hit the wall. The picture frames toppled down, domino-style, and the spider climbed along the wreckage valiantly. Streams of beer ran down the wall. Broken glass littered the shelving and floor.
Kagome grabbed one of Miroku's naughty magazines from the coffee table and rolled it up. Using Souta's shoelace, she tied it together tightly. She threw it as one would throw a harpoon, or a javelin. It hit the spider and it lost four legs in the attack. It then fell to the ground from its place on the shelf.
"Aha!" Kagome cried. She leapt back up on top of the chair and gripped her last beer can in one hand, shoe in the other. She kissed the beer can the way one kisses something precious before letting it go forever, and she launched it. The television earned a second crack and the can exploded. Bits of aluminum went everywhere and the entire place was covered and dripping with alcohol.
The chase went into the bedroom with the Twin-size bed.
* * *
"I hope that the human isn't getting into any trouble," Inuyasha told Miroku as they watched the blank security monitors. Inuyasha's eyes were in bad shape, with dark black circles underneath them and a tired glaze over them. Oh, how he already missed his bed...his big, comfortable, warm, soft bed that would have to be immediately destroyed as soon as the bratty human went home."She's probably still asleep," Miroku consoled warily, his eyes in much the same state. He balanced a pencil on his nose and hummed the theme song to some television show he had seen earlier that week. The door to the television room opened with a creak. Miroku's pencil fell to the floor with an ominous clatter.
"Hello, boys," Kagura said slowly, peeking her head into the room. Her shadow stretched into the dim room and covered them both. Both men looked up at her as if they had been caught doing something wrong. "You haven't noticed anything...strange lately, have you?"
"No. Why?" Inuyasha lied easily. Like humans popping into the hallway was perfectly normal...
"No reason," she said, although she looked a bit angry. She left the room, muttering something about incompetence, and safely closed the door behind her.
"You don't think..."
"But I do..." Miroku corrected.
"Conspiracy!" Inuyasha whispered sharply, launching himself forward in his rolling chair and hitting his desk with a fist. "We've got to think of something. We can't keep the human around much longer. Kagura's already getting suspicious."
"Hmm. How about we bait a human here? That way we can push her back into the human world sooner."
"How can we do that without opening up a hot spot?"
"Let me ponder," Miroku ordered. He snatched up his pencil and stuffed the eraser into his mouth thoughtfully. He spun in his rolling chair in a few circles.
"...Let's go home for lunch now," Inuyasha said. "I'm hungry."
"You're right. And the human is undoubtedly hungry, as well."
* * *
"Mother of pearl!" Kagome cried, dropping her brother's shoe and cradling her foot in her hands. She had stepped on a shard of glass from the mirror in the bathroom. With a grunt, Kagome pulled the shard out of her heel, clucking at the bleeding appendage.Panting, Kagome retrieved the shoe she had dropped and limped from the bathroom, pressing onward like a true warrior, leaving behind bloody footprints as proof of loyalty to her cause. The spider, like any wise bug would, had taken to hiding somewhere. Kagome was not to be deterred.
She paused in the hallway, absolutely silent. The sounds of running water, dripping beer, and a strange sizzling reached her ears. Then came a faint scratching. With a passionate war cry, she launched herself forward to the spider's hiding place, gripping the shoe, and ran into the sofa full force. The heavy piece of furniture scooted forward several inches and tipped dangerously. Kagome overbalanced and ran into it again on accident, and it fell forward completely and hit the coffee table. The coffee table flipped over, leaning against the fallen sofa.
"Screee!"
Kagome turned to that dangerous noise and panted wildly. After she caught sight of the spider, she sounded off another war cry and flew forward, smashing the bug with the shoe.
Splayed out on the floor as if she had been shot, her arms flung tragically forward as if reaching for a last hope, hair dripping, foot bloody, covered in beer and milk, panting, sweaty, face flushed...she was the image of any good war hero.
And that was how Inuyasha and Miroku found her.
For a moment, no one said anything. Kagome remained as she was, panting and looking absolutely spent. Inuyasha felt his eye twitch. Miroku swallowed muddily at the disaster spread out before him.
And then, Inuyasha spoke with the voice of great reason from above, "What the fuck happened here?"
"A great battle," Kagome said sagely. "A very great battle indeed."
* * *
Inuyasha and Miroku had not been happy with the state of their house. Kagome had not cared.Inuyasha had spent a half hour ranting and poking around the tattered apartment. He had nearly electrocuted himself on the television cord when he was blotting up beer, and he had almost burned a finger on a smoking battery when he was throwing them away. Miroku had resignedly gotten out a trash bag, broom, and dust pan and set to work. Kagome had taken care of her wounded foot, which had started to swell.
After that episode, they had eaten the food Inuyasha and Miroku brought home from a fast food restaurant. Sango had given suggestions on foods for Kagome, and they at least had the decency to bring her fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and mashed potatoes, because that had been Kohaku's favorite dish. Kagome couldn't complain because it was probably one of her favorites, too.
When all was eaten, Inuyasha and Miroku had the audacity to bind Kagome's hands with a pillowcase before they left for work again.
Kagome scooted over to the window as they left. She watched the deep red car pull out from its parking spot and take off in the opposite direction. She followed the road with her eyes until her gaze came to rest on the city. Peaking over the other buildings, Demons, Inc. could be seen, tall and wide as a mountain.
Kagome waited several minutes.
And then she waited several more.
And then she looked down to her tied hands, bound as they were with a pink candy-striped pillowcase with a pair of woolly mittens over them to prevent her fingers from taking any individual action. With a snort, Kagome walked over to the kitchen and teased open a drawer on the island with her elbow. Wriggling her way up on to to the island with a great amount of acrobatic talent, she used her feet, very skillfully, to pull out a butter knife. Bending her hands down to her feet, she poked the butter knife through the center of the knot in the pillow case and plowed through it. The pillowcase fell harmlessly away. She pulled off the mittens that were around her fingers and dropped them to the floor.
Kagome returned the knife to the drawer and hoped Inuyasha used it on his pancakes.
Dusting off her hands, Kagome set to work. She had a new objective.
And that was getting home. She missed her mother. She missed her grandfather. She missed her brother, friends, cat, bedroom, and pink shower curtains. Mostly the pink curtains.
Kagome trooped into the first bedroom and dug around in a laundry hamper. She pulled out a tee-shirt that, as she could tell from a sniff, smelled like a demon. She shed her own tee-shirt and donned the new one. Then she moved to the next bedroom, where she pillaged a pair of used blue jeans. With some disgust, she traded her own for the borrowed pair, and substituted a sweatshirt for a belt, because the pants were much too big. She rolled up the legs a great deal, as well, since they were also much too long.
Looking something like a 90s middle school punk without the jacket, she then went into the bathroom, sprayed herself with Miroku's cologne, Inuyasha's aftershave, and someone's demon deodorant.
"Now I smell like a very odorous demon," she announced to no one in particular. At least, there should have been no one, unless the spiders were back...
Shaking the spider incident clearly out of mind, she tromped back to the living room and stood by the front door. Her hand wavered over the doorknob anxiously as she considered staying put, as she had been told.
"I swear if you cause any more fucking trouble, I'll fucking rip you to pieces, got it?!" Inuyasha yelled at her.
"And I shall not stop him," Miroku admonished, looking like a librarian telling a patron he had one too many overdue books and was never allowed to lend from that establishment again.
"It's not my fault your house is overrun by spiders. I also don't have anything better to do," Kagome said breezily. Inuyasha and Miroku were, both of them, all bark and no bite.
"I don't fucking care. One more step out of line, and I'll make your death painful and slow."
"Aye, aye, captain," Kagome answered, smiling winningly.
"I don't think you understand," Miroku said suddenly. He looked very serious. "Not only did you make a mess of our apartment, but you made a lot of noise. Kagome, we've told you several times...anyone else here would have you killed immediately. We're at least trying to help you."
"Yeah, on top of that, we're risking our asses doing so. We'd be in more trouble if they found out we're keeping your sorry ass hidden. If we turned you in, we might just get fired. If we get caught with you, we'll be punished with anything from prison to execution. Get it?"
"Yeah, yeah," Kagome said, waving her hand dismissively but feeling a bit uneasy. "I didn't mean to make a mess. I got carried away."
"Whatever," Inuyasha said, rolling his eyes.
Kagome might have stayed put after that. She felt guilty. But then Inuyasha told her she smelled like shit and he bound her hands. Miroku said bondage was kinky. She did not feel so guilty anymore.
Kagome opened the door and trotted down the stairs. "Demons, Inc., here I come..."
* * *
During Kagome's first visit to Demons, Inc., she had seen a hallway lined with identical white doors. On silver plates nailed to the doors were the names of places Kagome had seen on the hot spots list. She would just have to take her chances and go through one door. Hopefully, it would open up to the human world. Whatever authorities she came to, in where ever she landed, she would simply say she had no idea how she got to where she was. Everyone knows that if you claim ignorance, you get away with most anything.Yeah, that would work.
Kagome made it through the city without a passing glance from anyone else to suggest someone knew she was a human in disguise. One demon had gagged as she walked by her and had to clamp a large blue hand over her slitted nose, but that was all the excitement there was. Kagome was not accustomed to smelling so badly that she was avoided in public, but she was grateful that her highly clever disguise was fooling everyone. Even if she did smell like a combination of her two least favorite men. Well, except for her math teacher...that man could assign homework like no tomorrow.
Once in the Demons, Inc. building she sneaked around the lobbies and rooms, and poked her way through restricted areas (which was by far the most fun of the venture). She worked her way through dizzying hallways and she avoided the elevator. She paused whenever she saw someone coming, just for good measure, and she took her time in picking directions. She did not want to be kicked out and have to do it again. Plus, she wanted to feel like a top secret government spy.
When she came around a corner of what had previously been a quiet hallway, she saw a man and a woman talking feverishly in hushed tones. She ducked behind a partially opened door and tried to calm her hammering heart as they paused near where she was standing.
"Are you sure?" the man said.
"Yes," said the woman with an impatient tone. "Those two morons wouldn't know a human from a pickle."
"So the human is loose in the city somewhere?"
"I believe so," the woman replied, looking weary. She took a long drag of her cigarette. The smoke drowned out any other scent, thankfully for Kagome.
"Fuck. Send out a team, will you? We're going to be in so much fucking trouble."
The woman scowled and dropped some ash from her cigarette to the floor. "Why don't you send out a team?"
"My team's guarding all the hot spots. If the human so much as tries to get back, we'll nab it. It's your responsibility to clean out the city."
"What if it can't be found? What if it's moved on? Or what if it's dead?"
"Why are you asking me?" the man asked, raising an eyebrow. "But for all our sakes, I hope it is found. I don't want to be on the boss' bad side. And I definitely don't want Demons, Inc. to know what we've been doing."
"Alright, alright," the woman said, waving her hand. She sighed and tossed a strand of hair away from her eyes. "I'll start with those two nincompoops' apartment. I'll call you if I find anything."
"Great. See you later, babe."
"Don't start that shit," the woman said with a hard glare, tapping her cigarette out on his shoe. "Are you going back down to the hot spots?"
"Nah, my team is already down there. I'm going to go deliver a message to my brother."
"Fine," the woman said. She turned and walked down the hallway very gracefully. The man spun on his heel, muttered, and disappeared from view. Kagome, although her heart was pounding and her legs felt like jelly, crept along behind the man carefully. She kept a good distance and didn't make a sound.
The man turned into a room suddenly, and Kagome stood nearby. The door closed and she pressed her ear against it.
"Boss wants me to deliver a message, little brother," came the first man's muffled voice.
"What message?" the second half-snarled.
"'Fifteen hours.'"
"And that's supposed to mean...?" the second man asked self-importantly, although his tone seemed to waver.
"Don't kid around, little brother. You'd be a fool if this doesn't get taken care of."
"Alright," the younger said with a weary sigh. "I'll take care of this tonight. This is such messy business..."
"Boss is a messy businessman," the first quipped. "Well, then..." the voice tapered off as Kagome gathered her wits, swallowed muddily, and dashed down the hallway.
* * *
"So there we all were, sitting around the campfire, and I was just about to yell Uno when---"Someone knocked at the door. Inuyasha and Miroku looked up as it opened a crack. A nervous beam of light jiggled as the person who opened the door tried to decide whether or not they wanted to come in. Finally, the person decided to and closed the door behind herself.
"Guys!" Kagome whispered hoarsely. "There's some real trouble!"
"The fuck are you doing here?!" Inuyasha hissed, snarling. "That's it, bitch, it's time to die!"
"Wait!" Kagome squeaked, holding up her hands in a pacifying gesture. "There's real trouble! Please don't kill me!"
"What 'real trouble?' More spiders?" Inuyasha taunted.
"Let's hear the lady first," Miroku said.
"Okay...Okay, I'll admit! I shouldn't be here! I was going to go through one of the hot spots doors---"
"Uncooperative, ungratef---"
"And I hid in this hallway when I saw two people coming. They paused by my door and..." Kagome told them the tale, complete with expressive hand gestures and false voices. She only fell over once. Kagome then went on to describe the people she had seen, from the tall, overly groomed woman who smoked a cigarette to the even taller man with black hair and his younger brother whom she had not seen.
"Kagura..." Inuyasha and Miroku muttered simultaneously.
"But who were the brothers?" Miroku wondered.
"It's a conspiracy!" Inuyasha insisted, thumping his hand against the table. "Oh, fuck! And she's going to go break into the apartment! She'll smell Ka-Kagome all over the place! As if calling us names wasn't bad enough!"
"I doubt she'll smell Kagome," Miroku said dubiously. "There was so much beer that the scent of alcohol drowns the smell all out. Didn't you notice as we were leaving?"
"So my battle did pay off! Other than saving me from a messy death-by-spider..." Kagome mused, tapping her chin thoughtfully.
"What're we going to do now?" Inuyasha sulked. "They've got people watching all the hot spots...They're sweeping the city..."
"We're doomed!" Kagome wailed despairingly. It seemed like the appropriate thing to do.
* * *
Later that evening, back at the apartment, Kagome, still dressed in her assortment of stolen clothes, was sitting on the floor and going through her own jeans pockets for treasure. She pulled out her note on nail polish from Yuka. She discarded that. She pulled out her wallet. She put that in her lap. Finally, she pulled out a chocolate wrapper that had acquired extra crinkles from a trip through the washing machine. She plunged her hand into the other pocket and found a half-eaten peppermint, which she popped into her mouth."I'm starving," she announced to her demon companions, who were pacing anxiously and talking secretively out of her hearing range by the front door. Kagome turned her pockets inside out and shook her pants upside down, smacking on her peppermint. Inuyasha and Miroku both paused talking and looked over at her. Both donned looks of shame and Miroku looked nearly ready to cry, although Kagome missed this priceless Kodak moment as she stuck her nose in a pocket.
"...Stay here," Inuyasha ordered her. "If you obey, we'll let you have dinner."
Kagome blinked as the two men went into the kitchenette, closing the door behind them. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously and crawled across the hallway. She pressed her ear against the door and listened.
"---op her into little, very teeny-tiny bits, and then feed her to someone's pet...Sango's cat or something...that would work," Inuyasha said. Kagome's mouth dropped in horror, her peppermint sticking to her tongue.
"Oh, come on, man...I feel really bad about this," Miroku whispered back nervously. Kagome could hear his feet shuffle against the tile as he moved around restlessly.
"She's ruining our lives! How can you feel bad?!" Inuyasha hissed through his teeth. Kagome glowered at the door.
"Fine. Do you want to kill her? You do the honors," Miroku quipped. Kagome began to panic.
Inuyasha remained silent and Kagome couldn't hear him moving.
"You can't do it, can you?" Miroku said in a gentler tone.
"If we had done it right away, then maybe...but..."
"Yeah, now we've lived with her for two days. So now it's harder...It would feel like murder." Kagome nodded to herself encouragingly, her panic abating. She would make it through this...
"So what do we do?!"
Kagome crawled back into the other room and began searching her jeans' back pockets. And then she noticed something strange. From the angle at which she sat on the floor, she could see a small, coin-sized object clinging to the side of the sofa's leg. She scooted over to it and picked it off, examining it carefully.
"What've you got there, bitch?" Inuyasha said warily as they came back into the room. Kagome held the little black object up so that Inuyasha could see it better. The men both paled. Inuyasha lunged forward, grabbed the object from her, and then crushed it between his fingers. It hissed and spluttered. Inuyasha swore as he dropped the smoking device, and he sucked on his burned finger.
"Seems Kagura has more faith in us than she pretends..." Miroku murmured. "Let's check the rest of the apartment."
"...Was that a bug?" Kagome asked, cocking her head curiously.
"Yes," Miroku answered.
"...Awesome," Kagome said. "I've always wanted to be in a spy movie." Then she choked on the last shards of her peppermint.
* * *
Kagome flipped through television channels, munching on marshmallow cereal. Miroku had gone into work and Inuyasha had called in sick so that he could keep an eye on Kagome. (Whether because someone was after her or because she had a habit of making a mess, she did not know.) Inuyasha was closed off in the kitchen, talking to his mother on the telephone. Kagome could hear the middle-aged woman wail from time to time.Kagome paused when she came to a news flash, marred by the two cracks she had given the otherwise smooth television screen. Her jaw stopped working as she watched.
"---found dead in their suburban home this morning. Arata Fox, whom we all know from the hit television show The Years of Our Lives as the beloved Sabrina, was reported to have three shot wounds, as well as several stab wounds. Hisoka Fox, a hunter for the Small Game Team A, was brutally stabbed to death. The murderer was thorough in leaving no evidence behind, which suggests that the killer is a professional. The couple's young son was away at a friend's house when this tragedy occurred. The child is currently safe and is staying with his kindergarten teacher Hina..."
"Yikes..." Kagome muttered. "I guess the human world isn't the only one with crazy murderers."
"In other news, diet milk might be linked---"
"Diet milk...sheesh. Nothing but whole milk for me," Kagome said and turned off the television. She stretched in a very catlike fashion and pattered off to the kitchen with her trusty box of cereal. "Have you seen my other shoe?"
"Why would I have seen your shoe?" Inuyasha asked, hanging the telephone up and looking a little pale.
"Well, I haven't seen it since last night," Kagome explained as she began poking around in drawers and cupboards. "But I haven't seen my socks since I got here."
"I saw one of your socks in the sink."
"Oh. Huh," Kagome said and smiled. "My footwear eludes me."
* * *
"Alright. I'll be stopping by the store on the way home from work," Miroku said during lunch break that day, massaging his temples. Kagome kicked her legs happily under the table as she munched on a sandwich. "Does anyone need anything?""I'd like my own toothbrush," Kagome said through a mouthful of Italian (well, it was technically Pitalian sausage since she was in the demon world) sausage. "I've been using someone else's."
"...Which one?" Miroku asked as the two demons blanched in fear, both praying it was the other's toothbrush.
"The pink one with a cherry-patterned Band-Aid around the middle. It was the pretty one," Kagome said breezily, licking tomato sauce away from the corner of her mouth and crossing her eyes as she concentrated.
"AHHHH!" Inuyasha screamed. He rushed to the sink and stuck his mouth underneath the steady stream of water, all the while as he stomped one foot against the floor repeatedly with enough vivacity to rival square dancing. He kneed the cupboard and his toes curled up. He looked very pained and tearful, as if he had just swallowed bubblegum-flavored antibiotics.
"I popped someone's personal bubble," Kagome said nonchalantly and took another bite of her sandwich. Miroku looked caught between relief and horror, but he consolingly moved to his friend's side and patted his back in a comforting fashion.
"I'll get you a new one, my friend."
"I won't need one!" Inuyasha insisted in a hoarse hiss, slapping Miroku's arm away. Spitty water flew everywhere and his eyes teared up. "My lovely, beautiful, pearly white fangs will rot and fall out by the end of the week...I've been sharing a toothbrush with a human..."
"I thought we got over this," Kagome said, her voice skeptic. "I'm not dangerous!"
"My life is over!" Inuyasha mourned as he sunk to his knees.
"...You know, my friends would say that's like we've indirectly kissed," Kagome said, half-grinning, imagining her three friends pounce on Inuyasha. Inuyasha's eyes widened and he lunged back to the stainless steel sink, his whines and cries all the louder.
"That was not very nice," Miroku told Kagome. The girl just wiggled her nose as a spot of tomato sauce from her sandwich appeared there.
"You guys probably don't want to know what I've done to the milk if this is how you react," Kagome said, a glint in her eye. Both men stiffened.
* * *
Comments: Thank you for the reviews! Sorry if I went overboard with the spider scene. I was having a lot of fun and got carried away, but didn't have the heart to trim it like I do most scenes... McA, if it can be worked in, I will gladly do a Sesshoumaru and Kagura bit. :) valdevenator 01, sure, I'll try to work in the shaving thing (hehee...Inuyasha being shaven...)! Hmm, there's Jaken, even though he might as well be bald...Next chapter: When Your Dirty Socks Go Bump in the Night! Shippou enters, a trip to the mountains, and monsters in the closet!