InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Demons, Inc. ❯ Chapter 03: When Your Dirty Socks Go Bump in the Night ( Chapter 3 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Stars Came Out 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.19.2005 | Updated On: 05.24.2009 | Pages: 6 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 542 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.19.2005 | Updated On: 05.24.2009 | Pages: 6 | Words: 4.8K | Visits: 542 | Status: Completed
DEMONS, INC.
Chapter 03: When Your Dirty Socks Go Bump in the Night
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Kagome was hiding underneath the bed---but only for a very good reason. She was hiding from a very angry demon. Why? Well...
"You dirty fucking human, get your sorry ass out here! My socks will not stand for this abuse!"
How was she supposed to know Inuyasha's socks were highly flammable?
Kagome held her breath as Inuyasha walked around the bedroom. His feet slowly padded against the burgundy carpet. He peeked into the closet, fluffed the unmade bed sheets, and then turned to walk the other way. Kagome's nose tickled. She wiggled it, pleading to whatever deity listening that she could hold still long enough to elude Inuyasha. Oh, why had she felt the need to put Inuyasha's sock in the microwave? When Inuyasha's foot steps were gone, Kagome let out her breath.
"Hello, bitch," Inuyasha said as he flopped down to the floor and looked under the bed.
"Um...hi?" Kagome said, smiling tentatively. She scooted away as Inuyasha swiped at her. The wiggle in her nose finally got the best of her. She sneezed on him.
"Holy fuck! I'm melting!"
Kagome took the distraction to her advantage and squirmed out from underneath the bed. She took off at her fastest sprint as Inuyasha moaned and pushed himself off of the floor. During her frantic trek to safety, Kagome collided with something solid. Both figures went sprawling in opposite directions, and two grocery bags went up into the air.
"Oh, good afternoon, Sango!" Kagome chirped, righting herself and running into the kitchenette, where she hid in the cupboard underneath the sink. Sango blinked after her and then dusted off her shirt. She then went on to pick up her bags as Inuyasha came into the room, dripping wet as if he had just dunked himself into the bath tub (in reality, he dunked himself in the toilet. It was quicker).
"Has the disgusting human been through here?"
Sango motioned to the kitchen. Inuyasha smirked and trotted in there. A blood-curdling scream followed.
Sango shook her head and, almost grudgingly, went into the kitchen to begin supper.
Ka-thunk-thump-thump.
Kagome shot up from the bed and sat staring at the closet. Her heart thumped painfully in her chest, her breath came raggedly, and her face pricked.
Thu-thump.
"Aaaaah!" Kagome cried out in a sharp screech, twisting around in the bed sheets as she attempted to get out of bed. She tripped and landed on her head. "Help!" she begged, continuing to scream, as she squirmed and tried to free herself from the twisted bedding.
"What the hell's going on in here?!" Inuyasha snapped groggily as he swung the door open.
"There's a monster in the closet!" Kagome informed him, scrambling up from the floor to stand behind Inuyasha who, with a twitching eye, stared at the closet door. Kagome whimpered and clutched his arm.
"There's no fucking monster in there," Inuyasha explained, turning to face her and looking grouchy as he pulled his arm out of her grasp.
"Yes there is!" Kagome insisted, nearly hysterical. "I heard it! I heard it!"
"There's nothing in there but...dirty socks," Inuyasha assured. "Dirty socks and a couple pairs of slacks."
"And a monster!" Kagome added.
"No! Just clothes!"
"There's a monster!" Kagome hissed and punched Inuyasha in the shoulder. Inuyasha scowled at her. Kagome was too frightened to feel successful when he didn't make a comment about her toxic skin in response to her contact, only rub his shoulder tenderly.
"Fine. If I check the closet, will you go back to bed?!"
"Yes," Kagome answered earnestly.
Inuyasha turned and walked to the closet, rolling his eyes and muttering. He popped open the door. "Fuck!" he yelled.
"Aaaaah!" Kagome yelped again and ran out of the room. "Miroku, Miroku! Inuyasha's being eaten by a monster!"
"Monster?" Miroku gurgled sleepily as Kagome jumped on the arm rest of the chair in which he was sleeping.
"Go! Protect your friend! We're going to die!" Kagome forecasted. She never really stopped to think about why she was so afraid of monsters-in-the-closet. But if demons existed, so did monsters, and monsters did not think about whom they killed. Especially the ones in the closet. Those were particularly ruthless.
There came a rough clatter from the bedroom---probably the lamp falling over---and Kagome screamed shrilly again. Miroku rubbed his eyes clear of sleep and trotted down the hall in confusion. Kagome followed him after grabbing a can of lemonade from the kitchen, prepared to defend herself if necessary.
"How the hell did you get in here, fox?!" Inuyasha growled to the small demon he gripped by the tail.
"I ran awaaaay!" the fox child replied, scraping around. "I had no where to go-oo!"
Kagome nervously peeked over Miroku's shoulder, lemonade can tight in her grasp. "Is this the monster?"
"Not a monster...just a pest," Inuyasha said with a sigh.
"I knew there was something in there!" Kagome boasted, stepping closer to the fox demon and Inuyasha.
"Shippou," Inuyasha said, grumping at the little fox. At hearing the name, Miroku turned and went to bed, muttering with annoyance. "Go sleep in the other room. Tomorrow we'll think of something to do with you."
"Okay!" the fox chirped and scampered off.
"And you!" Inuyasha said, wheeling on Kagome. "Give me that!" he ordered and grabbed the drink. "Good riddance!"
"Um...good night?" Kagome called uncertainly when Inuyasha stepped into the hallway, shaking his head and growling as he closed the door.
"Yeah, yeah," Inuyasha muttered and walked away. Kagome stood in the dark for several moments. She wandered carefully over to the bed and seated herself in the middle.
Something tapped on the balcony door.
"Aaaah!"
"What now?" Inuyasha called from down the hallway, voice muffled with the distance.
"Monster!"
"There're no monsters," he said, the door flying open again. He bared his fangs dangerously. They glinted in the moonlight coming in from the slit in the curtains and reminded Kagome of the teeth of a monster she had seen on television once.
"That's not very reassuring!" Kagome whined, even more terrified than before. "I heard something!"
"Where this time?" Inuyasha half-snarled, hoping no more of his cousins had showed up. Not that he had any more cousins. Nothing like a middle of the night scare for a family reunion, though.
"On the window..."
Inuyasha walked over there and drew back the dark red curtain, Kagome trailing him closely. Nothing. He peeked around and slid open the long glass door, meandering out to the balcony. Nothing. He looked over the railing, up into the sky, and back at the apartment.
"There isn't anything out here," he informed her angrily, sliding the window closed behind him and re-adjusting the curtains.
"But I heard something," Kagome whimpered as Inuyasha bumbled out of the room. "Wait! Don't go!"
"Whaaaat?" Inuyasha demanded, throwing his arms into the air hopelessly. Kagome tapped her fingers together anxiously and looked up at Inuyasha pleadingly.
"Can...ah...can you stay with me?"
"What?!" Inuyasha barked, now alert and glaring. "Why the hell do you want me in here for?!"
"Because, ahh...if a monster comes in..."
"You ran off last time. You don't have much faith in me," Inuyasha said sarcastically.
"Just until I fall asleep? Please?" Kagome pleaded.
"...Fine," Inuyasha sighed resignedly. Kagome climbed up into bed and nestled into the blankets after straightening them out from the tumble she had taken. Inuyasha sat down on the floor by the bed, leaning his back against it and growling very slightly.
"Night night," Kagome murmured sleepily.
"Just shut up and go to sleep," Inuyasha ordered.
Miroku mumbled and poked at his eggs as if he couldn't tell they were food.
5.5!
Sango, who had come over again in the morning to cook breakfast, looked thoughtful and troubled, eating slowly and occasionally narrowing her eyes.
A measly 2.5!
Shippou yawned continuously, looked very mopey, and flicked things at people from time to time.
Hmm... 7.9!
Inuyasha flung eggs at anyone who annoyed him, stole everyone else's eggs when he ran out, yelled, grumbled, complained, swore, and snorted.
A whopping 10.0!
Kagome was the only one in a good mood, feeling well enough to judge the morning antics of her makeshift care-takers.
"I think someone needs a vacation," she said cheerfully, indicating the whole grumpy table. Everyone stopped eating---except for Shippou---and turned to stare at her as if she had said something that was at once great and terrible. "What?" she asked.
"That's a brilliant idea!" Sango said, suddenly enthusiastic. "You guys haven't taken a vacation at all this year, so your vacation time has added up. You need to get out of the apartment and somewhere hidden, where Kagura won't find you."
"Perfect! Ayame has a vacation cabin up in the mountains, we can ask to borrow it," Miroku mused.
"Right! Kagura would never think of looking in Ayame's vacation spot!" Inuyasha added, scooping some of Sango's eggs into his mouth.
"...Am I a super genius or what?" Kagome asked.
"Don't push your luck," Inuyasha said. "But we'll have to get Ayame to swear to secrecy..." he murmured suddenly. "Which'll be a pain, because she's nosey...she'll want to know why."
"Oh, don't worry about her. She and I go way back---I'll tell her the whole story and she'll be glad to lend a hand," Sango assured, waving her fork in the air and flinging a bit of egg onto Miroku, who didn't seem to notice when it hit him on the forehead.
"Yay! We're going to the mountains!" Kagome cheered and then went back to her eggs.
"Releasing the condiments back into the wild," Kagome said easily without even looking at the fox demon as he jumped up onto the edge of the stone balcony to look down at the mess she was making.
"Cool. Can I help?"
"Sure. Go get the pickle relish."
Shippou dashed off to the kitchen and came back minutes later with the jar of pickle relish, unscrewing the lid and flicking chunks of the spread down to the ground to mingle with the ketchup.
"Why are we releasing com-i-dants into the wild?" Shippou asked as if realizing what he was doing for the first time.
"Would you like to be bottled and spread as glops onto fast food?"
"...Good point," Shippou agreed and flung another chunk to the ground.
"Just don't let Miroku and Inuyasha know."
"'Kay," Shippou promised.
"Go, ketchup blob, go!" Kagome cheered. The blob ignored her, but Kagome didn't seem to mind.
"What kind of demon are you?" Shippou asked, flicking another glop down to the ground. "I don't recognize what you smell like."
"I'm not a demon," Kagome said, poking out her tongue from the corner of her mouth in concentration, aiming her ketchup bottle for the man walking his three-headed dog. "I'm a human." She squirted the bottle.
"Really?! That's so cool! Can you burn grass down with your breath? Do you have laserbeam eyes? Can you spit poison? Can you grow extra arms?"
"Nope," Kagome said, snapping her fingers as her ketchup blob fell short and hit the dog on its right head instead. Kagome ducked down when its owner looked around for the assailant, the dog woofing and howling from three different mouths. Shippou ducked down next to her, leaning against the stone balcony.
"Damn!" Shippou swore.
"Who taught you that?!" Kagome asked, looking disgusted.
"Inuyasha," he answered breezily, flicking bits of pickle relish off of his fingers.
"Oh. So, why are you here anyway?" Kagome asked. Inuyasha had tried to ask several times, but Shippou had only changed the subject. Miroku had tried to ask, and had only been kicked in the face. Kagome had not been around to witness any of these events. Luckily for her, Shippou seemed to trust her well enough.
"My parents died...I was going to stay with my mom's friend, but she didn't want to keep me there because she was scared. I went to stay with my Auntie Izayoi, but she babies me and cries all the time...so I came here."
"Oh, that's terrible, Shippou," Kagome answered. If Shippou didn't want to be babied..."Is Inuyasha your...cousin, then?" she guessed.
"Yep," Shippou said, peeking over the balcony.
"I pity you," Kagome declared, fiddling with the cap on the ketchup bottle.
"I pity me, too," Shippou agreed. "The dog-walker is gone."
"Yay," Kagome said, pushing herself off the ground and squirting the bottle again. Having become bored, Shippou chucked the entire jar of relish. Chunks flew out as it spun and wheeled across its torrential path downwards. It collided with a tree and splattered tremendously, dousing the area in pickle relish. Too bad Shippou hadn't see the man coming around the apartment complex from the parking lot.
"What the fuck are you two morons doing?!" he called up to them.
Inuyasha had caught them, showered by Shippou's pickle relish.
"Good news first!" Kagome said excitedly, grabbing fast food bags from Sango and putting them on the kitchen table, digging around until she came to a box of fried chicken. These particular demons seemed to eat a lot of fast food, especially fried chicken.
Shippou jumped onto her shoulder and helped her poke around for the best pieces of chicken. The two piled their food onto one paper plate and then moved onto the gravy, which they applied liberally, guaranteeing a mess. Luckily for the two of them, they found messes very fun.
"What news, lovely Sango?" Miroku asked, rounding up the rest of the party to hear what Sango had to say.
"Ayame knows everything and is allowing us to use her cabin," Sango explained.
"And the bad news?" Inuyasha asked, scooping mashed potatoes onto his paper plate.
"She wants to come with."
"That isn't so bad."
"...And she's bringing Kouga."
"Holy fuck, why Kouga?!"
"Wolves will be wolves," Sango said, claiming a piece of chicken for herself. "They'll only be staying for a day or two, and they aren't coming until later in the week. To check up on us, if you will. You two got your request put in, didn't you?"
"Yep," Inuyasha said.
"We're off starting tomorrow," Miroku explained, dropping some beans onto his plate.
"Well. It seems like Shippou's the bravest of you men," Sango said, quirking an eyebrow as she noticed Kagome and Shippou sharing a piece of chicken with no reserve, dipping their chunks into the same slop of gravy and tearing shreds of meat off of each other's discarded pieces.
"What?!" Inuyasha yelped, looking very incredulous.
"What, what? I'm very brave!" Shippou defended, smacking his lips. "...What am I being brave about...uh, this time?"
"You're sharing supper with a human, Shippou..." Miroku said uneasily.
"So?"
"So, you're going to turn into fucking ash!" Inuyasha explained indignantly.
"Nuh-uh, she can't do that stuff," Shippou said, licking gravy off of his fingers. "Kagome's not going to attack me. Right, Kagome?"
"Right, right. Shippou is the first one to act completely hospitable towards me," Kagome said, waving a finger in the air accusingly. "Whereas Inuyasha and Miroku discuss how to kill me, and Sango avoids me!"
"Yep!" Shippou agreed. "I'm a real gentleman."
"Keh! Real gentleman! Who stayed with you all night to protect you from monsters, human bitch?!" Inuyasha snapped indignantly. Credit where credit was due!
The whole table went dead silent. Someone dropped a bean on the floor.
Since there was only limited space in Inuyasha's vehicle, and because Kagome needed to stay hidden, she was laying down on the floor of the back row of seats---crunched up against extra suitcases, Miroku's stinky feet, and often getting a face-full of Shippou's bottlebrush tail as he twisted in his seatbelt to look out the rear window.
Not only was she uncomfortable, but the group had been traveling for hours, so she was bored as well.
"Can we listen to music?" Kagome piped up, noticing that Sango, in the front passenger seat, had long ago zoned everyone out by clipping on a Discman.
"Haven't got a stereo," Inuyasha answered, sighing at a red light. He looked around each direction and ran the light.
"Alright. I can be the music," Kagome offered. "When a maaaaaaaaan loves a woooomannnn! The results are catastrophic---"
"No! No, no music is fine," Miroku insisted.
"Deep down in his soul! The results are---"
"Stop! For the love of all things holy!"
"Now I'm just offended," Kagome grunted from the floor.
"Why can't you be like normal girls and give us the cold shoulder when you're offended?" Inuyasha asked from the front seat, honking at someone and making a silly face out the window.
"Because that would be playing right into your hands!" Kagome answered. "Besides, I am full of wise words that need to be communicated to the world."
"I'm sure," Inuyasha said.
"Alright, let's play a game," Kagome suggested. "Okay, I'll go first. I spy...something mottled tan with splotches of yellow, brown, and a hot pink streak from Lord knows what."
"The car floor!" Shippou yelled.
"Correct!" Kagome answered. "Your turn."
"I spy something stupid," Shippou giggled.
"Inuyasha?"
"Correct!" Shippou congratulated.
"What the fuck is wrong with you two?!" Inuyasha yelled from the front seat. "Don't make me throw you out of the fucking car."
"I spy something grumpy," Kagome said with no less fervor.
"Inuyasha!" Shippou guessed. Not that there was much to guess.
"You are the winner!"
"Alright, enough of this fucking game!" Inuyasha mumbled as he made what surely should have been an illegal move, sending Shippou smashing into the window with a crunch and Kagome lurching into someone's suitcase. Who gave this man a license?
"I spy something silver," Shippou said.
"The back of Inuyasha's head?"
"Correct!" Shippou congratulated.
"Would you leave me the hell alone?!" Inuyasha roared from the front seat. Shippou smirked down at Kagome, who grinned up at him winningly. Ah, how fun it was to get Inuyasha's dander up.
"Let's make a story together," Kagome implored. "I'll start. Once upon a time, an innocent girl was swept into a man-eating well and sent into a world of ruthless demons, including one who pretended to do her a favor but really just hated her. Your turn."
"She was saved by the brave fox demon, who didn't care about society and just wanted to help his new friend! Together, they went on brave adventures."
"They camped out in the wilderness around a billowing campfire, were the best cattle rustlers in the wild wild west, and doubled as the most lawful county sheriffs."
"But even though they were fearless and strong, peace was not to be had!" Shippou explained with a flourish. "On the way to the bar, tragedy struck! In the middle of the road, they were stopped!"
"By a treacherous cow who was leading a mutiny. The cows were tired of walking in the hot sun and only wanted proper pampering." Miroku opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. He shook his head and looked out the window again.
"So, since they couldn't go around the band of angry bovines, the two friends bought toothbrushes, fine leather shoes, and all-expenses-paid coupons to Jakotsu's Spa for all the cows."
"And then the two heroes rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after at a tropical island, spending their days swimming, wearing coconut bras, and putting fish down the swimming trunks of unsuspecting tourists." Kagome thought this part sounded particularly fun. She'd always wanted a coconut bra.
"The end!" Shippou exclaimed, wanting to get the last word in. Kagome nodded in agreement.
And then the sound of sirens spiked up.
"Ahh, fuck," Inuyasha swore, glancing out the rearview mirror at the law enforcer's car. "Cover Ka-Kagome with the suitcases, will you?"
And then Kagome was buried alive underneath the suitcases as Inuyasha resignedly pulled over and rolled the window down. He might have attempted a high-speed chase, but he recognized this particular squad car and decided it would be best for his health to just take a ticket. When Shippou noticed they were pulling over, he squeaked, undid his seatbelt, and dove underneath the seats entirely.
"Can we help you, lovely lady? I can help you out with that belt, if you like," Miroku offered suggestively, waggling his eyebrows, as the police woman came to the window. She turned a very burning, dangerous glare at the demon, but Miroku seemed oblivious. He drooled.
"Miroku, shut the fuck up, you're making things worse. Do I got a ticket or not, bitch?"
"I'm sure that's making matters better, my friend..."
"You men are morons!" Sango said, tossing her Discman into her lap and turning to the police woman, wanting to let this woman know that at least one single person in the car was sane.
"Alright, Mister," the police woman said to Inuyasha, although she made sure Sango could hear. "You are speeding by 20 MPH, you are passing in a no passing zone, you have a broken light, your muffler is bent, you ran over one traffic sign, and one of your plate numbers is painted over."
"Ahh...I can explain!" Inuyasha defended.
"Whether or not you can does not matter. You are in big trouble. Please step out of the vehicle."
Inuyasha grumbled and sidled out of his car, glaring at Sango because she was the closest to him. When the doors were closed and Inuyasha had been escorted away, Sango turned to the back seat.
"Dump one of those suitcases and get Kagome in it," she hissed. "They're going to take his car."
"Tow his car? Why?" Miroku asked, unzipping one of the suitcases and letting clothes fall out. He ordered Kagome to get in, which she warily did. He zipped up the suitcase, leaving a small hole at the top. Kagome grumbled from within. Miroku began shoving the fallen clothing into another suitcase.
"This is the third time this month he's been pulled over for the light and the plate number," Sango explained, exhaling.
"Yeah, well...I know that."
"Yes, I know you know, because you are the reason I know. They tow after third violation. I'll have to call a rented car and drive."
"They take it away right now?" Miroku asked, bewildered.
"They usually don't, but they can if they want to, and I wouldn't put it past them," Sango said, waving towards Inuyasha. "Look at him."
Miroku spun around and watched as Inuyasha ranted and raged and the police woman looked ready to smack him. Hard.
"Hwf log do Ah gawa sway 'n ere?" Kagome complained from the suitcase. "I canf bweathe."
"You can breathe just fine, now please be quiet," Miroku said.
Just moments later, Inuyasha came back to the car, looking bedraggled and worried, and leaned into the car through the window. "Guys, everyone out. They're taking my car away for a month."
"Alright. You grab the heavy suitcase then, will you?" Miroku said with a wink.
Inuyasha gave Miroku a look, but opened the back door and grabbed the one Miroku indicated. "Oof!" he said and dropped it to the street. "Fuck, what the hell did you pack?" he grumbled, massaging his pulled shoulder and picking up the bag again. On the inside of the bag, Kagome was trying her hardest not to yell out in pain and anger. Shippou peeked out from underneath the seat, dashed out of the car, and dove into the bag Miroku was carrying.
Inuyasha dragged the Kagome-suitcase over to the side of the road, where he dropped it. Sango and Miroku both winced as it thumped and flopped over, but set their bags down beside it without saying anything. One of the police women took control of Inuyasha's car, and they called a rental for Sango's use after examining her license. Then they left the group by the side of the road to wait for the company to bring the rental.
"That was so not cool. Where's Ka-Kagome?" Inuyasha asked.
"In the bag," Sango said, coughing lightly and pointing to the bag Inuyasha had dropped. He paled.
"Oops..."
Kagome was already planning revenge.
Ahaha, sorry, Xaenthe!! Thank you!
midnightmood, the chapters aren't too long, are they? I can make the coming ones shorter. I just usually make them all the same length as my first chapter, and since I got carried away and ended up making it around fifteen pages...Thank you!
Next chapter: The Hills Are Alive! A trip to the mountains, cont., enter Kouga and Ayame, and what to do when you run out of toothpaste in the wild!
Chapter 03: When Your Dirty Socks Go Bump in the Night
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Kagome was hiding underneath the bed---but only for a very good reason. She was hiding from a very angry demon. Why? Well...
"You dirty fucking human, get your sorry ass out here! My socks will not stand for this abuse!"
How was she supposed to know Inuyasha's socks were highly flammable?
Kagome held her breath as Inuyasha walked around the bedroom. His feet slowly padded against the burgundy carpet. He peeked into the closet, fluffed the unmade bed sheets, and then turned to walk the other way. Kagome's nose tickled. She wiggled it, pleading to whatever deity listening that she could hold still long enough to elude Inuyasha. Oh, why had she felt the need to put Inuyasha's sock in the microwave? When Inuyasha's foot steps were gone, Kagome let out her breath.
"Hello, bitch," Inuyasha said as he flopped down to the floor and looked under the bed.
"Um...hi?" Kagome said, smiling tentatively. She scooted away as Inuyasha swiped at her. The wiggle in her nose finally got the best of her. She sneezed on him.
"Holy fuck! I'm melting!"
Kagome took the distraction to her advantage and squirmed out from underneath the bed. She took off at her fastest sprint as Inuyasha moaned and pushed himself off of the floor. During her frantic trek to safety, Kagome collided with something solid. Both figures went sprawling in opposite directions, and two grocery bags went up into the air.
"Oh, good afternoon, Sango!" Kagome chirped, righting herself and running into the kitchenette, where she hid in the cupboard underneath the sink. Sango blinked after her and then dusted off her shirt. She then went on to pick up her bags as Inuyasha came into the room, dripping wet as if he had just dunked himself into the bath tub (in reality, he dunked himself in the toilet. It was quicker).
"Has the disgusting human been through here?"
Sango motioned to the kitchen. Inuyasha smirked and trotted in there. A blood-curdling scream followed.
Sango shook her head and, almost grudgingly, went into the kitchen to begin supper.
* * *
Kagome wormed deep into the thick, warm covers, clicked off the bedside light, and buried her face between the fluffy pillows. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes; sleepy, warm, and comfortable. A half an hour passed. Kagome was dozing.Ka-thunk-thump-thump.
Kagome shot up from the bed and sat staring at the closet. Her heart thumped painfully in her chest, her breath came raggedly, and her face pricked.
Thu-thump.
"Aaaaah!" Kagome cried out in a sharp screech, twisting around in the bed sheets as she attempted to get out of bed. She tripped and landed on her head. "Help!" she begged, continuing to scream, as she squirmed and tried to free herself from the twisted bedding.
"What the hell's going on in here?!" Inuyasha snapped groggily as he swung the door open.
"There's a monster in the closet!" Kagome informed him, scrambling up from the floor to stand behind Inuyasha who, with a twitching eye, stared at the closet door. Kagome whimpered and clutched his arm.
"There's no fucking monster in there," Inuyasha explained, turning to face her and looking grouchy as he pulled his arm out of her grasp.
"Yes there is!" Kagome insisted, nearly hysterical. "I heard it! I heard it!"
"There's nothing in there but...dirty socks," Inuyasha assured. "Dirty socks and a couple pairs of slacks."
"And a monster!" Kagome added.
"No! Just clothes!"
"There's a monster!" Kagome hissed and punched Inuyasha in the shoulder. Inuyasha scowled at her. Kagome was too frightened to feel successful when he didn't make a comment about her toxic skin in response to her contact, only rub his shoulder tenderly.
"Fine. If I check the closet, will you go back to bed?!"
"Yes," Kagome answered earnestly.
Inuyasha turned and walked to the closet, rolling his eyes and muttering. He popped open the door. "Fuck!" he yelled.
"Aaaaah!" Kagome yelped again and ran out of the room. "Miroku, Miroku! Inuyasha's being eaten by a monster!"
"Monster?" Miroku gurgled sleepily as Kagome jumped on the arm rest of the chair in which he was sleeping.
"Go! Protect your friend! We're going to die!" Kagome forecasted. She never really stopped to think about why she was so afraid of monsters-in-the-closet. But if demons existed, so did monsters, and monsters did not think about whom they killed. Especially the ones in the closet. Those were particularly ruthless.
There came a rough clatter from the bedroom---probably the lamp falling over---and Kagome screamed shrilly again. Miroku rubbed his eyes clear of sleep and trotted down the hall in confusion. Kagome followed him after grabbing a can of lemonade from the kitchen, prepared to defend herself if necessary.
"How the hell did you get in here, fox?!" Inuyasha growled to the small demon he gripped by the tail.
"I ran awaaaay!" the fox child replied, scraping around. "I had no where to go-oo!"
Kagome nervously peeked over Miroku's shoulder, lemonade can tight in her grasp. "Is this the monster?"
"Not a monster...just a pest," Inuyasha said with a sigh.
"I knew there was something in there!" Kagome boasted, stepping closer to the fox demon and Inuyasha.
"Shippou," Inuyasha said, grumping at the little fox. At hearing the name, Miroku turned and went to bed, muttering with annoyance. "Go sleep in the other room. Tomorrow we'll think of something to do with you."
"Okay!" the fox chirped and scampered off.
"And you!" Inuyasha said, wheeling on Kagome. "Give me that!" he ordered and grabbed the drink. "Good riddance!"
"Um...good night?" Kagome called uncertainly when Inuyasha stepped into the hallway, shaking his head and growling as he closed the door.
"Yeah, yeah," Inuyasha muttered and walked away. Kagome stood in the dark for several moments. She wandered carefully over to the bed and seated herself in the middle.
Something tapped on the balcony door.
"Aaaah!"
"What now?" Inuyasha called from down the hallway, voice muffled with the distance.
"Monster!"
"There're no monsters," he said, the door flying open again. He bared his fangs dangerously. They glinted in the moonlight coming in from the slit in the curtains and reminded Kagome of the teeth of a monster she had seen on television once.
"That's not very reassuring!" Kagome whined, even more terrified than before. "I heard something!"
"Where this time?" Inuyasha half-snarled, hoping no more of his cousins had showed up. Not that he had any more cousins. Nothing like a middle of the night scare for a family reunion, though.
"On the window..."
Inuyasha walked over there and drew back the dark red curtain, Kagome trailing him closely. Nothing. He peeked around and slid open the long glass door, meandering out to the balcony. Nothing. He looked over the railing, up into the sky, and back at the apartment.
"There isn't anything out here," he informed her angrily, sliding the window closed behind him and re-adjusting the curtains.
"But I heard something," Kagome whimpered as Inuyasha bumbled out of the room. "Wait! Don't go!"
"Whaaaat?" Inuyasha demanded, throwing his arms into the air hopelessly. Kagome tapped her fingers together anxiously and looked up at Inuyasha pleadingly.
"Can...ah...can you stay with me?"
"What?!" Inuyasha barked, now alert and glaring. "Why the hell do you want me in here for?!"
"Because, ahh...if a monster comes in..."
"You ran off last time. You don't have much faith in me," Inuyasha said sarcastically.
"Just until I fall asleep? Please?" Kagome pleaded.
"...Fine," Inuyasha sighed resignedly. Kagome climbed up into bed and nestled into the blankets after straightening them out from the tumble she had taken. Inuyasha sat down on the floor by the bed, leaning his back against it and growling very slightly.
"Night night," Kagome murmured sleepily.
"Just shut up and go to sleep," Inuyasha ordered.
* * *
The following morning, everyone sat around the kitchen table (some on chairs and some on substitutes for chairs---Shippou even sat on the table itself) in varying degrees of grumpiness, eating breakfast.Miroku mumbled and poked at his eggs as if he couldn't tell they were food.
5.5!
Sango, who had come over again in the morning to cook breakfast, looked thoughtful and troubled, eating slowly and occasionally narrowing her eyes.
A measly 2.5!
Shippou yawned continuously, looked very mopey, and flicked things at people from time to time.
Hmm... 7.9!
Inuyasha flung eggs at anyone who annoyed him, stole everyone else's eggs when he ran out, yelled, grumbled, complained, swore, and snorted.
A whopping 10.0!
Kagome was the only one in a good mood, feeling well enough to judge the morning antics of her makeshift care-takers.
"I think someone needs a vacation," she said cheerfully, indicating the whole grumpy table. Everyone stopped eating---except for Shippou---and turned to stare at her as if she had said something that was at once great and terrible. "What?" she asked.
"That's a brilliant idea!" Sango said, suddenly enthusiastic. "You guys haven't taken a vacation at all this year, so your vacation time has added up. You need to get out of the apartment and somewhere hidden, where Kagura won't find you."
"Perfect! Ayame has a vacation cabin up in the mountains, we can ask to borrow it," Miroku mused.
"Right! Kagura would never think of looking in Ayame's vacation spot!" Inuyasha added, scooping some of Sango's eggs into his mouth.
"...Am I a super genius or what?" Kagome asked.
"Don't push your luck," Inuyasha said. "But we'll have to get Ayame to swear to secrecy..." he murmured suddenly. "Which'll be a pain, because she's nosey...she'll want to know why."
"Oh, don't worry about her. She and I go way back---I'll tell her the whole story and she'll be glad to lend a hand," Sango assured, waving her fork in the air and flinging a bit of egg onto Miroku, who didn't seem to notice when it hit him on the forehead.
"Yay! We're going to the mountains!" Kagome cheered and then went back to her eggs.
* * *
"What are you doing?" Shippou asked Kagome later that afternoon. Kagome was leaning over the balcony with a ketchup bottle, squirting out drops from time to time to the grassy ground below."Releasing the condiments back into the wild," Kagome said easily without even looking at the fox demon as he jumped up onto the edge of the stone balcony to look down at the mess she was making.
"Cool. Can I help?"
"Sure. Go get the pickle relish."
Shippou dashed off to the kitchen and came back minutes later with the jar of pickle relish, unscrewing the lid and flicking chunks of the spread down to the ground to mingle with the ketchup.
"Why are we releasing com-i-dants into the wild?" Shippou asked as if realizing what he was doing for the first time.
"Would you like to be bottled and spread as glops onto fast food?"
"...Good point," Shippou agreed and flung another chunk to the ground.
"Just don't let Miroku and Inuyasha know."
"'Kay," Shippou promised.
"Go, ketchup blob, go!" Kagome cheered. The blob ignored her, but Kagome didn't seem to mind.
"What kind of demon are you?" Shippou asked, flicking another glop down to the ground. "I don't recognize what you smell like."
"I'm not a demon," Kagome said, poking out her tongue from the corner of her mouth in concentration, aiming her ketchup bottle for the man walking his three-headed dog. "I'm a human." She squirted the bottle.
"Really?! That's so cool! Can you burn grass down with your breath? Do you have laserbeam eyes? Can you spit poison? Can you grow extra arms?"
"Nope," Kagome said, snapping her fingers as her ketchup blob fell short and hit the dog on its right head instead. Kagome ducked down when its owner looked around for the assailant, the dog woofing and howling from three different mouths. Shippou ducked down next to her, leaning against the stone balcony.
"Damn!" Shippou swore.
"Who taught you that?!" Kagome asked, looking disgusted.
"Inuyasha," he answered breezily, flicking bits of pickle relish off of his fingers.
"Oh. So, why are you here anyway?" Kagome asked. Inuyasha had tried to ask several times, but Shippou had only changed the subject. Miroku had tried to ask, and had only been kicked in the face. Kagome had not been around to witness any of these events. Luckily for her, Shippou seemed to trust her well enough.
"My parents died...I was going to stay with my mom's friend, but she didn't want to keep me there because she was scared. I went to stay with my Auntie Izayoi, but she babies me and cries all the time...so I came here."
"Oh, that's terrible, Shippou," Kagome answered. If Shippou didn't want to be babied..."Is Inuyasha your...cousin, then?" she guessed.
"Yep," Shippou said, peeking over the balcony.
"I pity you," Kagome declared, fiddling with the cap on the ketchup bottle.
"I pity me, too," Shippou agreed. "The dog-walker is gone."
"Yay," Kagome said, pushing herself off the ground and squirting the bottle again. Having become bored, Shippou chucked the entire jar of relish. Chunks flew out as it spun and wheeled across its torrential path downwards. It collided with a tree and splattered tremendously, dousing the area in pickle relish. Too bad Shippou hadn't see the man coming around the apartment complex from the parking lot.
"What the fuck are you two morons doing?!" he called up to them.
Inuyasha had caught them, showered by Shippou's pickle relish.
* * *
"I have some good news and some bad news," Sango said as she allowed herself into the apartment, arms full of supper."Good news first!" Kagome said excitedly, grabbing fast food bags from Sango and putting them on the kitchen table, digging around until she came to a box of fried chicken. These particular demons seemed to eat a lot of fast food, especially fried chicken.
Shippou jumped onto her shoulder and helped her poke around for the best pieces of chicken. The two piled their food onto one paper plate and then moved onto the gravy, which they applied liberally, guaranteeing a mess. Luckily for the two of them, they found messes very fun.
"What news, lovely Sango?" Miroku asked, rounding up the rest of the party to hear what Sango had to say.
"Ayame knows everything and is allowing us to use her cabin," Sango explained.
"And the bad news?" Inuyasha asked, scooping mashed potatoes onto his paper plate.
"She wants to come with."
"That isn't so bad."
"...And she's bringing Kouga."
"Holy fuck, why Kouga?!"
"Wolves will be wolves," Sango said, claiming a piece of chicken for herself. "They'll only be staying for a day or two, and they aren't coming until later in the week. To check up on us, if you will. You two got your request put in, didn't you?"
"Yep," Inuyasha said.
"We're off starting tomorrow," Miroku explained, dropping some beans onto his plate.
"Well. It seems like Shippou's the bravest of you men," Sango said, quirking an eyebrow as she noticed Kagome and Shippou sharing a piece of chicken with no reserve, dipping their chunks into the same slop of gravy and tearing shreds of meat off of each other's discarded pieces.
"What?!" Inuyasha yelped, looking very incredulous.
"What, what? I'm very brave!" Shippou defended, smacking his lips. "...What am I being brave about...uh, this time?"
"You're sharing supper with a human, Shippou..." Miroku said uneasily.
"So?"
"So, you're going to turn into fucking ash!" Inuyasha explained indignantly.
"Nuh-uh, she can't do that stuff," Shippou said, licking gravy off of his fingers. "Kagome's not going to attack me. Right, Kagome?"
"Right, right. Shippou is the first one to act completely hospitable towards me," Kagome said, waving a finger in the air accusingly. "Whereas Inuyasha and Miroku discuss how to kill me, and Sango avoids me!"
"Yep!" Shippou agreed. "I'm a real gentleman."
"Keh! Real gentleman! Who stayed with you all night to protect you from monsters, human bitch?!" Inuyasha snapped indignantly. Credit where credit was due!
The whole table went dead silent. Someone dropped a bean on the floor.
* * *
"Yay! We're going to the mountains!" Kagome said for what must have been the hundredth time that day. She knew it was annoying, and that was exactly why she was doing it.Since there was only limited space in Inuyasha's vehicle, and because Kagome needed to stay hidden, she was laying down on the floor of the back row of seats---crunched up against extra suitcases, Miroku's stinky feet, and often getting a face-full of Shippou's bottlebrush tail as he twisted in his seatbelt to look out the rear window.
Not only was she uncomfortable, but the group had been traveling for hours, so she was bored as well.
"Can we listen to music?" Kagome piped up, noticing that Sango, in the front passenger seat, had long ago zoned everyone out by clipping on a Discman.
"Haven't got a stereo," Inuyasha answered, sighing at a red light. He looked around each direction and ran the light.
"Alright. I can be the music," Kagome offered. "When a maaaaaaaaan loves a woooomannnn! The results are catastrophic---"
"No! No, no music is fine," Miroku insisted.
"Deep down in his soul! The results are---"
"Stop! For the love of all things holy!"
"Now I'm just offended," Kagome grunted from the floor.
"Why can't you be like normal girls and give us the cold shoulder when you're offended?" Inuyasha asked from the front seat, honking at someone and making a silly face out the window.
"Because that would be playing right into your hands!" Kagome answered. "Besides, I am full of wise words that need to be communicated to the world."
"I'm sure," Inuyasha said.
"Alright, let's play a game," Kagome suggested. "Okay, I'll go first. I spy...something mottled tan with splotches of yellow, brown, and a hot pink streak from Lord knows what."
"The car floor!" Shippou yelled.
"Correct!" Kagome answered. "Your turn."
"I spy something stupid," Shippou giggled.
"Inuyasha?"
"Correct!" Shippou congratulated.
"What the fuck is wrong with you two?!" Inuyasha yelled from the front seat. "Don't make me throw you out of the fucking car."
"I spy something grumpy," Kagome said with no less fervor.
"Inuyasha!" Shippou guessed. Not that there was much to guess.
"You are the winner!"
"Alright, enough of this fucking game!" Inuyasha mumbled as he made what surely should have been an illegal move, sending Shippou smashing into the window with a crunch and Kagome lurching into someone's suitcase. Who gave this man a license?
"I spy something silver," Shippou said.
"The back of Inuyasha's head?"
"Correct!" Shippou congratulated.
"Would you leave me the hell alone?!" Inuyasha roared from the front seat. Shippou smirked down at Kagome, who grinned up at him winningly. Ah, how fun it was to get Inuyasha's dander up.
"Let's make a story together," Kagome implored. "I'll start. Once upon a time, an innocent girl was swept into a man-eating well and sent into a world of ruthless demons, including one who pretended to do her a favor but really just hated her. Your turn."
"She was saved by the brave fox demon, who didn't care about society and just wanted to help his new friend! Together, they went on brave adventures."
"They camped out in the wilderness around a billowing campfire, were the best cattle rustlers in the wild wild west, and doubled as the most lawful county sheriffs."
"But even though they were fearless and strong, peace was not to be had!" Shippou explained with a flourish. "On the way to the bar, tragedy struck! In the middle of the road, they were stopped!"
"By a treacherous cow who was leading a mutiny. The cows were tired of walking in the hot sun and only wanted proper pampering." Miroku opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. He shook his head and looked out the window again.
"So, since they couldn't go around the band of angry bovines, the two friends bought toothbrushes, fine leather shoes, and all-expenses-paid coupons to Jakotsu's Spa for all the cows."
"And then the two heroes rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after at a tropical island, spending their days swimming, wearing coconut bras, and putting fish down the swimming trunks of unsuspecting tourists." Kagome thought this part sounded particularly fun. She'd always wanted a coconut bra.
"The end!" Shippou exclaimed, wanting to get the last word in. Kagome nodded in agreement.
And then the sound of sirens spiked up.
"Ahh, fuck," Inuyasha swore, glancing out the rearview mirror at the law enforcer's car. "Cover Ka-Kagome with the suitcases, will you?"
And then Kagome was buried alive underneath the suitcases as Inuyasha resignedly pulled over and rolled the window down. He might have attempted a high-speed chase, but he recognized this particular squad car and decided it would be best for his health to just take a ticket. When Shippou noticed they were pulling over, he squeaked, undid his seatbelt, and dove underneath the seats entirely.
"Can we help you, lovely lady? I can help you out with that belt, if you like," Miroku offered suggestively, waggling his eyebrows, as the police woman came to the window. She turned a very burning, dangerous glare at the demon, but Miroku seemed oblivious. He drooled.
"Miroku, shut the fuck up, you're making things worse. Do I got a ticket or not, bitch?"
"I'm sure that's making matters better, my friend..."
"You men are morons!" Sango said, tossing her Discman into her lap and turning to the police woman, wanting to let this woman know that at least one single person in the car was sane.
"Alright, Mister," the police woman said to Inuyasha, although she made sure Sango could hear. "You are speeding by 20 MPH, you are passing in a no passing zone, you have a broken light, your muffler is bent, you ran over one traffic sign, and one of your plate numbers is painted over."
"Ahh...I can explain!" Inuyasha defended.
"Whether or not you can does not matter. You are in big trouble. Please step out of the vehicle."
Inuyasha grumbled and sidled out of his car, glaring at Sango because she was the closest to him. When the doors were closed and Inuyasha had been escorted away, Sango turned to the back seat.
"Dump one of those suitcases and get Kagome in it," she hissed. "They're going to take his car."
"Tow his car? Why?" Miroku asked, unzipping one of the suitcases and letting clothes fall out. He ordered Kagome to get in, which she warily did. He zipped up the suitcase, leaving a small hole at the top. Kagome grumbled from within. Miroku began shoving the fallen clothing into another suitcase.
"This is the third time this month he's been pulled over for the light and the plate number," Sango explained, exhaling.
"Yeah, well...I know that."
"Yes, I know you know, because you are the reason I know. They tow after third violation. I'll have to call a rented car and drive."
"They take it away right now?" Miroku asked, bewildered.
"They usually don't, but they can if they want to, and I wouldn't put it past them," Sango said, waving towards Inuyasha. "Look at him."
Miroku spun around and watched as Inuyasha ranted and raged and the police woman looked ready to smack him. Hard.
"Hwf log do Ah gawa sway 'n ere?" Kagome complained from the suitcase. "I canf bweathe."
"You can breathe just fine, now please be quiet," Miroku said.
Just moments later, Inuyasha came back to the car, looking bedraggled and worried, and leaned into the car through the window. "Guys, everyone out. They're taking my car away for a month."
"Alright. You grab the heavy suitcase then, will you?" Miroku said with a wink.
Inuyasha gave Miroku a look, but opened the back door and grabbed the one Miroku indicated. "Oof!" he said and dropped it to the street. "Fuck, what the hell did you pack?" he grumbled, massaging his pulled shoulder and picking up the bag again. On the inside of the bag, Kagome was trying her hardest not to yell out in pain and anger. Shippou peeked out from underneath the seat, dashed out of the car, and dove into the bag Miroku was carrying.
Inuyasha dragged the Kagome-suitcase over to the side of the road, where he dropped it. Sango and Miroku both winced as it thumped and flopped over, but set their bags down beside it without saying anything. One of the police women took control of Inuyasha's car, and they called a rental for Sango's use after examining her license. Then they left the group by the side of the road to wait for the company to bring the rental.
"That was so not cool. Where's Ka-Kagome?" Inuyasha asked.
"In the bag," Sango said, coughing lightly and pointing to the bag Inuyasha had dropped. He paled.
"Oops..."
Kagome was already planning revenge.
* * *
Comments: Thanks for the support, and the e-mails! ;)Ahaha, sorry, Xaenthe!! Thank you!
midnightmood, the chapters aren't too long, are they? I can make the coming ones shorter. I just usually make them all the same length as my first chapter, and since I got carried away and ended up making it around fifteen pages...Thank you!
Next chapter: The Hills Are Alive! A trip to the mountains, cont., enter Kouga and Ayame, and what to do when you run out of toothpaste in the wild!