InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Demons, Inc. ❯ Chapter 05: I Know Where You Sleep at Night ( Chapter 5 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Stars Came Out 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.15.2005 | Updated On: 05.24.2009 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 409 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Action / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.15.2005 | Updated On: 05.24.2009 | Pages: 5 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 409 | Status: Completed
DEMONS, INC.
Chapter 05: I Know Where You Sleep at Night
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"So then the space-age swans shot laser beams out of their raygun sunglasses and destroyed the ancient palace and had mint julep in celebration," Kagome said, using her old walkie-talkie brush to work out a stubborn knot in her hair, now that it had retired to being a normal hair brush again. Inuyasha, sitting propped up against the pillows on the bed, peeked up from his magazine (about sports) to give Kagome a look of disbelief. Kagome yawned and took no note, her back facing him as she sat with folded legs on the foot of the bed.
"Space-age...swans?"
"Yep," Kagome replied, not gracing it with a further explanation. How much more could Inuyasha need?
"And when was this?"
"The space age, duh," Kagome replied.
"I'd blame this on TV..."
"But you never let me watch TV," Kagome argued. "You're like my mom. 'No, Kagome, you can't stay up late, you keep everyone else up,' and 'no, Kagome, you watch too much television, why don't you read a good book?'"
"I am not like anyone's mother," Inuyasha insisted with an injured look.
"Well, I suppose you are a bit more masculine, and most mothers don't swear nearly as much as you do."
"Just shut the fuck up and get lost."
"Did I tell you about the time that..."
With no space in the girls' bedroom left and Kagome unwilling to share a room with two men (which was understandable)---and with no one wanting to share a bed anyhow---she took the sofa, with Shippou sleeping on Sango and Ayame's bed where he could actually have a pillow. He was still a bit worn out from their previous camping trip at Fort Alonso.
All the blankets had been taken by the rest of the group, which didn't really bother Kagome too much because the cabin was very warm with so many people packed inside of it...not to mention there was no air conditioner and it was still midsummer in the demon realm. As a matter of fact, she thought everything felt rather nice. The breeze from the window was cool and gentle and she was grateful to have the place of least noise in which to sleep.
The night went soundly for a great many hours until a horrible tragedy struck, terrible by unfathomable depths.
Miroku was thirsty.
And that was all there was to it. So he stumbled out of bed, grumbling, and lethargically pulled himself down the hallway like a dying caterpillar...or a sack of potatoes with its own will to live. He stopped halfway through the living room, however, when he noticed Kagome sleeping, her face buried into the side of the sofa. Sleepily, he observed her. She was wearing someone's Demons, Inc. polo work shirt as a replacement for pajamas, which left her long legs exposed, feet (one bare and the other with a hole-ridden sock) crunched against the armrest. But mostly it was the exposed legs that got his attention. Before Miroku could cognitively realize his actions, he began creeping forward, like a hyena on a wounded animal. He came close to Kagome, hearing her mumble something indistinct (although it sounded suspiciously like something about eggs and helicopters) as she slept. And his hand, the one that got him into trouble with Sango time after time, flashed out from his side and grabbed Kagome's rearend.
The results were as instant as fireworks. And as explosive. And probably as colorful.
"Holy mother of pearl!" Kagome screamed as she woke up, scrambling over the top of the sofa, which tipped and fell over as she tumbled off of it. "What the tiddledywinks is going on?!"
Miroku, meanwhile, gaped at his hand in utter horror.
Had he...Had he just groped a human?!
Kagome paused for a minute, sprawled out on the floor behind the tipped sofa, before she realized Miroku standing over her with wide eyes.
Kagome had never seen Miroku grope Sango---or anyone else, for that matter---even though he did it quite frequently. But she did know that Miroku went through porn like a chain-smoker through packages of cigarettes. He was practically the most advanced porn-viewer she had ever seen.
The squeeze on her posterior. Miroku in the room. She was innocent, exposed, and defenseless. And it was dark. Everyone knows what that means.
"Scandalous!" Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs when Miroku took a stumbling step forward, gripping his hand like he wanted to lob it off.
Her rump was offended.
"Sexual harassment!"
"I just..."
"Offensive sexual advance!"
"Groped..."
"Unprofessional behavior!"
"A human..."
"What the fuck is going on out here?!" Inuyasha mumbled, rubbing his stiff neck and glaring at everyone as he came out of the bedroom.
"He just grabbed my butt! While I was asleep, no less!" Kagome wailed. "I feel so violated! Torn! Hurt! Betrayed! What am I talking about again?"
Inuyasha stared at Miroku with a look of utter horror. "Why the fuck did you do that?!"
"...You make it sound like my butt is unappealing..."
"I...I just..." Miroku was still mumbling to himself in shock. By then, the sheer amount of screaming had woken everyone else up. Sango drearily wandered out of the bedroom, followed by Ayame as Kouga joined them from the other room. Shippou remained in bed, trying to ignore his new best friend's cries of utter anguish.
"What's going on?" Sango croaked sleepily.
"Miroku grabbed my butt!" Kagome clarified indignantly, scrambling up from the floor and putting her hands on her hips. Sango turned a burning glare on Miroku. She slapped him. A burst of flame emitted from her palm like magic, and a long scorch mark appeared on Miroku's face. A few of his hairs flickered like lit candle wicks.
"Idiot!" Inuyasha roared at Miroku.
Miroku nodded in agreement and went back to bed with his hair still smoking, not even getting himself a drink.
And that was how Inuyasha wound up sleeping on the sofa instead.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Kagome screamed with all that air, just like in the movies. With her hands gripped into fists and her knees bent, she looked truly tragic. She had mastered this technique long ago. This meant war. "That means we'll be going even further away! And I don't want to cut my luxurious, lovely hair!"
"Ka-Kagome!" Inuyasha snapped. "Would you rather die?"
Kagome sighed, looking crestfallen and hopeless. "How does Ayame even know where to get fake IDs, anyhow?"
Inuyasha didn't answer.
"And how is Sango getting your car back, exactly?"
Silence. Kagome watched him intently.
"Have you been across the border illegally before?"
More silence.
"Just let me cut your damn hair!" Inuyasha finally shouted.
"Just let me cut your hair!"
"Pah, yeah right!" Inuyasha barked, laughing. "Like I'd ever let you touch these gorgeous locks?"
Silence.
"...Just let me cut your hair, for fuck's sake."
"Not unless you can catch me first!" Kagome cried gleefully, leaping away from the grill by which she was standing and pelting away, soaring cleanly over Shippou as if he were a mere stone in her path.
"Get back you here, you bitch!"
"Your mouth is so foul I can smell it from here!" Kagome shrieked as she grappled with a tree branch, swinging herself up into the branches and nimbly climbing into the crown like a true jungle woman. Inuyasha growled.
"Get the fuck down here, you insufferable woman!"
"Kagome, watch out!" Shippou yelped, squeaking as Inuyasha shook a threatening fist at him. He hid inside the grill. Kagome, by that time, had been given enough time to leap out of her tree, rolling through a soft patch of grass. With a yip, she dodged a swipe from Inuyasha and raced in the opposite direction.
"Don't run with scissors!" Kagome warned. "You could put an eye out!"
"I don't HAVE any scissors!" Inuyasha insisted, leaping into the air and landing in front of her. Kagome fell over backwards and Inuyasha overbalanced as he tried to grab her, tumbling to the ground as Kagome rolled forward. Kagome recovered and raced off again.
By this time, Miroku and Kouga had heard the noise and gathered outside.
"Help me grab the fucking bitch!" Inuyasha roared, swiping at Kagome again as she cleverly tripped and smacked her face against a tree. Quirking her eyebrows at the three men as if accepting a challenge for a duel to the death (which it might have been), she galloped off again. Kouga and Miroku joined in the valiant chase to pin the determined human, brandishing bits of sticks they found and giving off mighty war cries, but not daring anything more risky. They, like any normal demon, were still afraid of humans.
An overbalanced swing here, a trip there; a kick and a tackle and a leap...a few accidents with the trees...Kagome managed to defend against all offenses. Shippou watched in pure amazement from the top of the grill as Kagome dove out of grasp yet again, twirling like a ballerina he had seen on television once.
It went on for a Great Many Whiles, or rather just about fifteen minutes, before Kagome began to tire. With a last burst of energy, she pelted toward the lake. Her bare feet pounded over the course earth as she agilely leapt over tree roots and sticks. She went with as much speed as she possessed---or maybe more like she was possessed. She was only yards from the lake! She could feel a swipe go above her head like a dive-bombing bird. Mere inches! The cold smell of water wafted over her, gentle and hopeful. Someone landed atop her, pinning her to the rocky shore of the lake. Her outstretched fingers splashed into the water, sending droplets into the air.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" she cried as two more men landed on top of the pile, keeping her trapped. "I'm going to die! You men need some FastSlim or something!"
"Have you got her down?" Miroku, at the top of the pile, questioned as she wriggled underneath the hundreds of pounds of demon. "I'll go get a chair and some rope."
"My hair! My hair that I've grown out for years!" Kagome moaned as Inuyasha, straddling her while Kouga kept her arms pinned, gathered her long hair up into a ponytail and sliced it off with a claw. Inuyasha dropped the lifeless strands in Kagome's lap as Kouga released her and she sat up. Kagome tearfully looked down at the seven inches' worth of hair.
"We had to disguise you," Kouga said apologetically. "Your face is in every demon's newspaper, every news program."
"How is cutting my hair going to help? My face looks the same," Kagome said, crossing her arms and turning away from the two men. Miroku came back empty-handed (he had secretly gone away not to get a chair and rope...but to escape the blame. He really didn't fancy another slap on the cheek just yet---maybe later in the evening he would feel a bit braver).
"You look entirely different without hair," Kouga consoled.
"You mean...I'm bald? How could you!" Kagome crowed, clapping her hands to the side of her head. Shippou finally appeared, perching on top of a rock. He blinked stupidly for a moment.
"You cut her hair off!" Shippou yelped. "How could you!"
She looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was very short, the majority of it just touching her chin. It was uneven. Ratty-looking. And just plain short. She leaned in closer to the mirror and drummed her fingers on the ceramic counter as she narrowed her eyes.
She straightened and looked at the mirror with a glint in her eye.
"The time has come," she whispered to her reflection. "It is time to unleash my full power."
She nodded once and then turned from the bathroom, marching into the hallway. She passed the men on the porch, who all watched her exit the cabin with a type of grace she had never before exhibited as they put some slabs of meat onto the BBQ grill.
Kagome continued on her path until she finally found Shippou chasing a butterfly.
"That lake is a very nice spot," Kagome notified Shippou in a rare voice of calm. Shippou narrowed his eyes at her. She could be up to no good...
"...And?"
"...Well, swimming's always a nice thought," Kagome said thoughtfully. "It's warm enough out..."
"I have a better thought..." Shippou suggested, smiling innocently.
"I hope you're thinking what I'm thinking," Kagome complied, grinning back at him devilishly.
"All set!" the little fox called, paddling around in the lake, holding his tail aloft. Kagome nodded and began scaling a tree nearest to where the path met the lake, one that they had marked especially for this occasion. She grabbed onto a half-broken branch as she nestled into a low cluster of limbs. Hidden by the leaves, she peeked down at the shore of the lake, where she had a great view of the shoreline and the little fox demon bobbing around in the water.
"Go, Shippou!" she ordered.
"INUUUYASHA!" Shippou yelled. "I'm being eaten by leeches! LEECHES! LEEEEECHES!" Shippou continued to call for Inuyasha as loudly and shrilly as he could, scaring nearby birds out of trees and a few rabbits from patches of weeds. It felt good to have some nice vocal cords.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Inuyasha asked in a bored voice as he finally approached the edge of the lake. He, as well as the other male demons, had been about to start eating lunch...a nice lunch of BBQ...when he had heard the kid start screaming. So he swallowed his meat whole and came to see what the kid wanted. Shippou refused to answer the question and only continued to scream about leeches, bobbing up in down in the water frantically in the center of the lake. Kagome held her breath and waited, completely concentrated and focused. She was in the zone. Inuyasha got a step closer to the lake.
"Inuyaaaasha!" Shippou screamed, screwing his eyes shut and wailing as loud as his tiny fox lungs would let him. Kagome was personally surprised he hadn't gotten the attention of the rest of the world while he was at it.
"If you think I'm getting in there to save your sorry ass, you're sorely mista---" he was cut off as Kagome, hanging onto her broken branch like a monkey man to a vine in a jungle movie, leapt from her tree and collided with him. Inuyasha lost his balance and bellyflopped into the lake, windmilling his arms crazily before he splashed.
"Great job, Shippou!" Kagome commended as she twirled into the lake, swimming out to the middle where the fox was laughing manically, an activity Kagome joined in. After awhile, they ceased laughing and congratulating each other when they noticed Inuyasha hadn't yet surfaced.
"...You didn't hit him that hard, did you Kagome?"
"Of course not," she said with a scowl. "I've run into him before and it was no big deal. I even jumped on him from the top of the roof yesterday and it didn't seem to bother him that much. He didn't even fall over."
"Why isn't he coming back up?" Shippou asked in a small voice, climbing onto Kagome's head so that he could see the shore, where Inuyasha had disappeared from sight.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Kagome mumbled. "He's not allergic to water, is he? It would explain why he never bathes..."
"What if he can't swim?" Shippou whispered in a horrified voice. "We've killed Inuyasha!"
"...No way!" Kagome argued. For one thing, she didn't want the guilt on her head. For another...she had been relying on Inuyasha for the protection of her life. If he was done in by a little bit of water...well...
"We've killed Inuyashaaaa!" Shippou wailed before beginning to cry.
Inuyasha's shirt, ripped down the middle, bobbed up at the surface of the lake and washed up on the shore. Kagome and Shippou screamed in unison, horrified that the body would be following eventually...probably bloody and horribly maimed and bloated and tangled with leeches clinging to it...
A clawed hand grabbed Kagome's leg. She screamed louder and kicked manically. Shippou clung to her hair. The hand pulled Kagome into the water and Shippou jumped away as if burned, panting as he reached the edge of the lake. Wildly, he looked around...but Kagome was completely gone from sight.
A few bubbles came up where she had been. Shippou whimpered. Kagome and Inuyasha! His two favorite people in the world (after the host from Flora the Explorer)! Eaten by the lake! Shippou wailed loudly. How cruel a fate...to have a man-eating lake in the middle of a vacationing spot...he'd have to have Sango get on to someone about that. Everyone knows that man-eating lakes are horrible for business. Even in places that don't do business.
Kagome, under the water, thrashed and burbled. Something had her leg and it wasn't letting go, no matter how hard she enacted her best boogie-dancing impression. She eventually blindly struck whatever it was with her foot. She somehow felt this situation wasn't good---maybe not as bad as some of the trauma she had undergone, like her current craving for a burger, but a sea monster was pretty close. Wait! Her eyes widened in fear. "MONSTER!" she tried to scream, only blowing out a few bubbles.
Shippou nearly lost his balance when Inuyasha burst out of the water, dangling Kagome---screaming about monsters---upside down by the ankle. Inuyasha smirked, even though a bruise was developing on his cheek...Kagome had probably kicked him in the face, Shippou reasoned. She really was giving it her all. Even now, she was yelling about sea monsters eating people and when the people were gone no one would be there to fix the juice spill she had made on her mother's favorite bed spread and then she'd be grounded for life because she hadn't told anyone before she left for an escapade in a demon world, but wait, she was being eaten by a monster so it didn't matter anyhow except that the karma would probably follow her into the afterlife and she'd probably have to be the janitor at a juvenile delinquent center in her next life...
Kagome, spinning as she thrashed to get away, caught sight of who held her. Her screaming stopped.
"...That wasn't funny," she told Inuyasha in a completely deadpan voice.
"Was to me," Inuyasha commented with a smirk, dropping Kagome back into the water. She shrieked before she hit, resurfacing quickly.
Shippou blinked in confusion. "Everyone's okay?" He could have sworn the lake had just eaten his friends...Now who was he going to sue?
"And now, if you're finished," Inuyasha growled, "I'm going to finish my fucking lunch, if there's any left."
Kagome, treading at the center of the lake, watched as Inuyasha picked up his torn shirt and walked away. Shippou stayed perched on a rock by the shore.
"Is it just me..." Kagome finally said, spitting water out of her mouth and coughing a little, "or did Inuyasha actually just turn that joke around on us instead of getting angry?"
"You're right..." Shippou agreed, jaw dropping in amazement. "He actually managed to trick us!"
"You know what this means, don't you?" Kagome asked seriously.
"Our job has become infinitely more difficult."
"It's Inuyasha's fault," Shippou declared as he laid down his card.
"Isn't it always?" she replied with a sigh, drawing a card. "I'm bored."
"It's Inuyasha's fault," Shippou repeated.
"I know. Too bad there isn't a window or something so that we could escape..." she murmured. Shippou nodded and exhaled sadly. They'd been locked into the bathroom. Every piece of furniture in the house had been stacked against the door. They couldn't even open it a crack for fresh air. They had been locked in there because none of their babysitting company wanted them causing trouble while they went away---Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku to go draw money out of their bank accounts, and Kouga and Ayame setting up some false clues of their whereabouts at a local bar. They really were planning on (illegally) crossing the border, and Kagome couldn't help but be a little upset that they were getting further and further away from home.
"Can't you think of anything?" Shippou complained, dropping all of his Uno cards onto the ground. They'd been playing Uno for the past hour...and it was getting very boring.
"Hmmm...." Kagome tapped her chin thoughtfully. "If only I had some socks for the inspiration."
Shippou gave her a look.
"Oh, what do you know? I do have some socks!" she said brightly, wiggling her toes. "Well, I'll have to think about getting out...but until then, I have a much more exciting game!" she proclaimed triumphantly. Shippou clapped his hands as Kagome opened up the cabinets underneath the sink. She pulled out a bottle of shampoo and proceeded dumping it all over the floor. Shippou perched on the towel rack and watched with interest as Kagome turned to the sink and used the empty shampoo bottle to splash the floor with water. She leaped up onto the side of the bath tub and, tip of her tongue poking out her mouth, jumped onto the floor and skidded across the bathroom with a joyous shriek. Shippou whooped and then tried it as well, skiing straight into the door with a thump. They continued for awhile, occasionally dumping bath products onto the floor when it began to dry.
And then they were bored again.
"I want out of here!" Shippou whined.
"I know. Me, too," Kagome agreed with a sigh.
"C'mon!" Shippou insisted. "You're an evil genius, this should be a piece of cake for you!" Kagome beamed at the praise and set to work. Shippou was counting on her. She opened up the drawers and cabinets, took out everything that might prove useful, and contemplated her utensils. A coat hanger, several cottony bath towels, a trash can, a canister of toilet cleaner, and the empty bottles. She dug around more until she found a sponge hiding beneath a pipe.
"Now," Kagome said in a sing-song voice. "We don't want to cause permanent damage to Ayame's lovely little cabin..."
"Nonsense!" Miroku argued with a smile. "We locked her in the smallest room of the cabin...there was no window...no explosives...and we stacked every piece of furniture up against the door. How could she have escaped to cause trouble?"
"I don't even want to think about it," Inuyasha mumbled and slid back against his chair.
"Ayame and Kouga are meeting us at the gas station about a mile from here," Sango mentioned as she climbed into the car. "So let's get going, and please try to drive well this time. Having this car is crucial to our survival."
"What's it matter for?" Inuyasha asked gloomily as he pulled out of the parking space. "I lost my Employee of the Month spot."
"Life's just not worth living without that," Miroku told Sango very seriously. The woman rolled her eyes and sighed.
"My life is worth living without the spot, so just pretend like you're sane and drive well."
Some minutes went by, completely silent.
"Why the fuck is it so quiet in here?" Inuyasha eventually asked.
"Feels as if something is missing, no?" Miroku agreed.
"Because the human isn't in here," Sango grumbled.
"...She really is quite loud."
"She's fucking crazy and has no volume control. And she's probably destroying the house."
"Now all we do is pick our way through!" Kagome told him gleefully. So they tunneled through the massive amount of furniture like ants in an anthill...very quickly and biting anything that got in the way.
"Piece of cake!" Shippou told her as they dusted themselves off when the two stumbled into the living room.
"Let's go cook something to eat."
"I concur."
"Uh...what's wrong, my friend?" Miroku asked as Inuyasha swore at a red light...but stayed where he was, thanks to Sango reminding him how important it was to pretend to be calm. Although Inuyasha probably didn't really understand what the word calm actually meant, having never been calm before in his life.
"The house is going to be in ruins when we get back. I just know it."
"...It'll be fine..." Sango assured, rolling her eyes. "She's just a simple human...who we know can't actually hurt a fly, despite what the rumors say."
"Exactly," Miroku agreed amiably. "She's just a little energetic, no harm in that."
"Keh! Like hell! She's a fucking loony who manages to destroy everything. The house is going to be in ruins."
"...Luckily it's not our house," Miroku amended thoughtfully, tapping his chin. Inuyasha visibly relaxed.
"Hey! You're right. Ain't our fucking problem."
Sango sighed.
"How can I do that?! My magic IS fire!" he screamed as he dropped a pan that he had been using to beat at the fire.
"I've got an idea!" Kagome shouted, racing to the refrigerator. She pulled out every beverage she could find. First went the beer...which only made the problem worse...so she trashed the alcohol and started with the milk.
"Keep pouring that on!" Shippou ordered, fluffing his singed tail. So Kagome poured the apple juice, milk, orange juice, and mineral water onto the flame haphazardly, drenching the kitchen in the process. With a sizzle, the fire went out. The duo's supper sat smoking on the stove, but no longer flaming.
"Yum...fried bologna and whipped cream," Kagome said happily, heaping the charred, crumbly lunch meat onto two different plates. The two took a seat at the wet kitchen table and went to eating their failed attempt at cuisine (not only was it burned, but it was covered with every liquid that had Kagome had spilled over it in an attempt to put out the fire) and sipping out of one can of beer, since it was the only thing remaining to drink.
"What are we going to do next?" Shippou asked, taking a small bite out of his food and trying not to make a disgusted face at it.
"I don't know," Kagome replied. "I suppose we should use the television while we have the cha---"
Before Kagome could finish her thought, the demons returned from their plans and entered the cabin with looks of horror. Kagome and Shippou grinned fetchingly at Inuyasha and Miroku as the two demons ambled into the kitchen.
"Yay! You're just in time for supper!" Kagome proclaimed brightly.
Chapter 05: I Know Where You Sleep at Night
-------------------------------------------------------
"So then the space-age swans shot laser beams out of their raygun sunglasses and destroyed the ancient palace and had mint julep in celebration," Kagome said, using her old walkie-talkie brush to work out a stubborn knot in her hair, now that it had retired to being a normal hair brush again. Inuyasha, sitting propped up against the pillows on the bed, peeked up from his magazine (about sports) to give Kagome a look of disbelief. Kagome yawned and took no note, her back facing him as she sat with folded legs on the foot of the bed.
"Space-age...swans?"
"Yep," Kagome replied, not gracing it with a further explanation. How much more could Inuyasha need?
"And when was this?"
"The space age, duh," Kagome replied.
"I'd blame this on TV..."
"But you never let me watch TV," Kagome argued. "You're like my mom. 'No, Kagome, you can't stay up late, you keep everyone else up,' and 'no, Kagome, you watch too much television, why don't you read a good book?'"
"I am not like anyone's mother," Inuyasha insisted with an injured look.
"Well, I suppose you are a bit more masculine, and most mothers don't swear nearly as much as you do."
"Just shut the fuck up and get lost."
"Did I tell you about the time that..."
* * *
Kagome, being the human that no one wanted to share a bed or room with, was made to sleep on the sofa that night while the rest of the group found solace elsewhere. Kouga and Miroku each took a Twin-size bed in one of rooms, while Sango and Ayame took the Double-sized one in the second room. Inuyasha slept on a pallet made on the floor in the girls' room in order to keep separated from Kouga. They fought like maniacs, and no one wanted to be kept up all night long by their fighting; especially when their fighting was usually about something ridiculous...like what color the sky was. (Kagome remembered that fight clearly---Kouga claiming the sky a pearly beryl, Inuyasha insisting faded azure. Then she just had to butt in and remind them the sun was setting, and the sky was not blue any longer at all.)With no space in the girls' bedroom left and Kagome unwilling to share a room with two men (which was understandable)---and with no one wanting to share a bed anyhow---she took the sofa, with Shippou sleeping on Sango and Ayame's bed where he could actually have a pillow. He was still a bit worn out from their previous camping trip at Fort Alonso.
All the blankets had been taken by the rest of the group, which didn't really bother Kagome too much because the cabin was very warm with so many people packed inside of it...not to mention there was no air conditioner and it was still midsummer in the demon realm. As a matter of fact, she thought everything felt rather nice. The breeze from the window was cool and gentle and she was grateful to have the place of least noise in which to sleep.
The night went soundly for a great many hours until a horrible tragedy struck, terrible by unfathomable depths.
Miroku was thirsty.
And that was all there was to it. So he stumbled out of bed, grumbling, and lethargically pulled himself down the hallway like a dying caterpillar...or a sack of potatoes with its own will to live. He stopped halfway through the living room, however, when he noticed Kagome sleeping, her face buried into the side of the sofa. Sleepily, he observed her. She was wearing someone's Demons, Inc. polo work shirt as a replacement for pajamas, which left her long legs exposed, feet (one bare and the other with a hole-ridden sock) crunched against the armrest. But mostly it was the exposed legs that got his attention. Before Miroku could cognitively realize his actions, he began creeping forward, like a hyena on a wounded animal. He came close to Kagome, hearing her mumble something indistinct (although it sounded suspiciously like something about eggs and helicopters) as she slept. And his hand, the one that got him into trouble with Sango time after time, flashed out from his side and grabbed Kagome's rearend.
The results were as instant as fireworks. And as explosive. And probably as colorful.
"Holy mother of pearl!" Kagome screamed as she woke up, scrambling over the top of the sofa, which tipped and fell over as she tumbled off of it. "What the tiddledywinks is going on?!"
Miroku, meanwhile, gaped at his hand in utter horror.
Had he...Had he just groped a human?!
Kagome paused for a minute, sprawled out on the floor behind the tipped sofa, before she realized Miroku standing over her with wide eyes.
Kagome had never seen Miroku grope Sango---or anyone else, for that matter---even though he did it quite frequently. But she did know that Miroku went through porn like a chain-smoker through packages of cigarettes. He was practically the most advanced porn-viewer she had ever seen.
The squeeze on her posterior. Miroku in the room. She was innocent, exposed, and defenseless. And it was dark. Everyone knows what that means.
"Scandalous!" Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs when Miroku took a stumbling step forward, gripping his hand like he wanted to lob it off.
Her rump was offended.
"Sexual harassment!"
"I just..."
"Offensive sexual advance!"
"Groped..."
"Unprofessional behavior!"
"A human..."
"What the fuck is going on out here?!" Inuyasha mumbled, rubbing his stiff neck and glaring at everyone as he came out of the bedroom.
"He just grabbed my butt! While I was asleep, no less!" Kagome wailed. "I feel so violated! Torn! Hurt! Betrayed! What am I talking about again?"
Inuyasha stared at Miroku with a look of utter horror. "Why the fuck did you do that?!"
"...You make it sound like my butt is unappealing..."
"I...I just..." Miroku was still mumbling to himself in shock. By then, the sheer amount of screaming had woken everyone else up. Sango drearily wandered out of the bedroom, followed by Ayame as Kouga joined them from the other room. Shippou remained in bed, trying to ignore his new best friend's cries of utter anguish.
"What's going on?" Sango croaked sleepily.
"Miroku grabbed my butt!" Kagome clarified indignantly, scrambling up from the floor and putting her hands on her hips. Sango turned a burning glare on Miroku. She slapped him. A burst of flame emitted from her palm like magic, and a long scorch mark appeared on Miroku's face. A few of his hairs flickered like lit candle wicks.
"Idiot!" Inuyasha roared at Miroku.
Miroku nodded in agreement and went back to bed with his hair still smoking, not even getting himself a drink.
And that was how Inuyasha wound up sleeping on the sofa instead.
* * *
Kagome took in a deep breath, filling her lungs with the fresh mountain air. Her body puffed out like a balloon and she pulled her head back, tipping her face upward toward the blue sky. Inuyasha's expression turned into a look of pure horror as she slowly opened her mouth wider. Shippou stuck himself in an available hole."Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Kagome screamed with all that air, just like in the movies. With her hands gripped into fists and her knees bent, she looked truly tragic. She had mastered this technique long ago. This meant war. "That means we'll be going even further away! And I don't want to cut my luxurious, lovely hair!"
"Ka-Kagome!" Inuyasha snapped. "Would you rather die?"
Kagome sighed, looking crestfallen and hopeless. "How does Ayame even know where to get fake IDs, anyhow?"
Inuyasha didn't answer.
"And how is Sango getting your car back, exactly?"
Silence. Kagome watched him intently.
"Have you been across the border illegally before?"
More silence.
"Just let me cut your damn hair!" Inuyasha finally shouted.
"Just let me cut your hair!"
"Pah, yeah right!" Inuyasha barked, laughing. "Like I'd ever let you touch these gorgeous locks?"
Silence.
"...Just let me cut your hair, for fuck's sake."
"Not unless you can catch me first!" Kagome cried gleefully, leaping away from the grill by which she was standing and pelting away, soaring cleanly over Shippou as if he were a mere stone in her path.
"Get back you here, you bitch!"
"Your mouth is so foul I can smell it from here!" Kagome shrieked as she grappled with a tree branch, swinging herself up into the branches and nimbly climbing into the crown like a true jungle woman. Inuyasha growled.
"Get the fuck down here, you insufferable woman!"
"Kagome, watch out!" Shippou yelped, squeaking as Inuyasha shook a threatening fist at him. He hid inside the grill. Kagome, by that time, had been given enough time to leap out of her tree, rolling through a soft patch of grass. With a yip, she dodged a swipe from Inuyasha and raced in the opposite direction.
"Don't run with scissors!" Kagome warned. "You could put an eye out!"
"I don't HAVE any scissors!" Inuyasha insisted, leaping into the air and landing in front of her. Kagome fell over backwards and Inuyasha overbalanced as he tried to grab her, tumbling to the ground as Kagome rolled forward. Kagome recovered and raced off again.
By this time, Miroku and Kouga had heard the noise and gathered outside.
"Help me grab the fucking bitch!" Inuyasha roared, swiping at Kagome again as she cleverly tripped and smacked her face against a tree. Quirking her eyebrows at the three men as if accepting a challenge for a duel to the death (which it might have been), she galloped off again. Kouga and Miroku joined in the valiant chase to pin the determined human, brandishing bits of sticks they found and giving off mighty war cries, but not daring anything more risky. They, like any normal demon, were still afraid of humans.
An overbalanced swing here, a trip there; a kick and a tackle and a leap...a few accidents with the trees...Kagome managed to defend against all offenses. Shippou watched in pure amazement from the top of the grill as Kagome dove out of grasp yet again, twirling like a ballerina he had seen on television once.
It went on for a Great Many Whiles, or rather just about fifteen minutes, before Kagome began to tire. With a last burst of energy, she pelted toward the lake. Her bare feet pounded over the course earth as she agilely leapt over tree roots and sticks. She went with as much speed as she possessed---or maybe more like she was possessed. She was only yards from the lake! She could feel a swipe go above her head like a dive-bombing bird. Mere inches! The cold smell of water wafted over her, gentle and hopeful. Someone landed atop her, pinning her to the rocky shore of the lake. Her outstretched fingers splashed into the water, sending droplets into the air.
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" she cried as two more men landed on top of the pile, keeping her trapped. "I'm going to die! You men need some FastSlim or something!"
"Have you got her down?" Miroku, at the top of the pile, questioned as she wriggled underneath the hundreds of pounds of demon. "I'll go get a chair and some rope."
"My hair! My hair that I've grown out for years!" Kagome moaned as Inuyasha, straddling her while Kouga kept her arms pinned, gathered her long hair up into a ponytail and sliced it off with a claw. Inuyasha dropped the lifeless strands in Kagome's lap as Kouga released her and she sat up. Kagome tearfully looked down at the seven inches' worth of hair.
"We had to disguise you," Kouga said apologetically. "Your face is in every demon's newspaper, every news program."
"How is cutting my hair going to help? My face looks the same," Kagome said, crossing her arms and turning away from the two men. Miroku came back empty-handed (he had secretly gone away not to get a chair and rope...but to escape the blame. He really didn't fancy another slap on the cheek just yet---maybe later in the evening he would feel a bit braver).
"You look entirely different without hair," Kouga consoled.
"You mean...I'm bald? How could you!" Kagome crowed, clapping her hands to the side of her head. Shippou finally appeared, perching on top of a rock. He blinked stupidly for a moment.
"You cut her hair off!" Shippou yelped. "How could you!"
* * *
Kagome was more serious than she had ever been in her life. More serious than the time Houjou came wobbling up her steps those many days ago. More serious than the time she had to come up with a plausible excuse for turning in that homework assignment accidentally written in Greek (why was she the last to know she spoke Greek?). More serious than the time her pink shower curtains acquired a small rip. Well...almost that serious, anyway.She looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was very short, the majority of it just touching her chin. It was uneven. Ratty-looking. And just plain short. She leaned in closer to the mirror and drummed her fingers on the ceramic counter as she narrowed her eyes.
She straightened and looked at the mirror with a glint in her eye.
"The time has come," she whispered to her reflection. "It is time to unleash my full power."
She nodded once and then turned from the bathroom, marching into the hallway. She passed the men on the porch, who all watched her exit the cabin with a type of grace she had never before exhibited as they put some slabs of meat onto the BBQ grill.
Kagome continued on her path until she finally found Shippou chasing a butterfly.
"That lake is a very nice spot," Kagome notified Shippou in a rare voice of calm. Shippou narrowed his eyes at her. She could be up to no good...
"...And?"
"...Well, swimming's always a nice thought," Kagome said thoughtfully. "It's warm enough out..."
"I have a better thought..." Shippou suggested, smiling innocently.
"I hope you're thinking what I'm thinking," Kagome complied, grinning back at him devilishly.
* * *
"Alright, Shippou...are you ready?""All set!" the little fox called, paddling around in the lake, holding his tail aloft. Kagome nodded and began scaling a tree nearest to where the path met the lake, one that they had marked especially for this occasion. She grabbed onto a half-broken branch as she nestled into a low cluster of limbs. Hidden by the leaves, she peeked down at the shore of the lake, where she had a great view of the shoreline and the little fox demon bobbing around in the water.
"Go, Shippou!" she ordered.
"INUUUYASHA!" Shippou yelled. "I'm being eaten by leeches! LEECHES! LEEEEECHES!" Shippou continued to call for Inuyasha as loudly and shrilly as he could, scaring nearby birds out of trees and a few rabbits from patches of weeds. It felt good to have some nice vocal cords.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Inuyasha asked in a bored voice as he finally approached the edge of the lake. He, as well as the other male demons, had been about to start eating lunch...a nice lunch of BBQ...when he had heard the kid start screaming. So he swallowed his meat whole and came to see what the kid wanted. Shippou refused to answer the question and only continued to scream about leeches, bobbing up in down in the water frantically in the center of the lake. Kagome held her breath and waited, completely concentrated and focused. She was in the zone. Inuyasha got a step closer to the lake.
"Inuyaaaasha!" Shippou screamed, screwing his eyes shut and wailing as loud as his tiny fox lungs would let him. Kagome was personally surprised he hadn't gotten the attention of the rest of the world while he was at it.
"If you think I'm getting in there to save your sorry ass, you're sorely mista---" he was cut off as Kagome, hanging onto her broken branch like a monkey man to a vine in a jungle movie, leapt from her tree and collided with him. Inuyasha lost his balance and bellyflopped into the lake, windmilling his arms crazily before he splashed.
"Great job, Shippou!" Kagome commended as she twirled into the lake, swimming out to the middle where the fox was laughing manically, an activity Kagome joined in. After awhile, they ceased laughing and congratulating each other when they noticed Inuyasha hadn't yet surfaced.
"...You didn't hit him that hard, did you Kagome?"
"Of course not," she said with a scowl. "I've run into him before and it was no big deal. I even jumped on him from the top of the roof yesterday and it didn't seem to bother him that much. He didn't even fall over."
"Why isn't he coming back up?" Shippou asked in a small voice, climbing onto Kagome's head so that he could see the shore, where Inuyasha had disappeared from sight.
"I have a bad feeling about this," Kagome mumbled. "He's not allergic to water, is he? It would explain why he never bathes..."
"What if he can't swim?" Shippou whispered in a horrified voice. "We've killed Inuyasha!"
"...No way!" Kagome argued. For one thing, she didn't want the guilt on her head. For another...she had been relying on Inuyasha for the protection of her life. If he was done in by a little bit of water...well...
"We've killed Inuyashaaaa!" Shippou wailed before beginning to cry.
Inuyasha's shirt, ripped down the middle, bobbed up at the surface of the lake and washed up on the shore. Kagome and Shippou screamed in unison, horrified that the body would be following eventually...probably bloody and horribly maimed and bloated and tangled with leeches clinging to it...
A clawed hand grabbed Kagome's leg. She screamed louder and kicked manically. Shippou clung to her hair. The hand pulled Kagome into the water and Shippou jumped away as if burned, panting as he reached the edge of the lake. Wildly, he looked around...but Kagome was completely gone from sight.
A few bubbles came up where she had been. Shippou whimpered. Kagome and Inuyasha! His two favorite people in the world (after the host from Flora the Explorer)! Eaten by the lake! Shippou wailed loudly. How cruel a fate...to have a man-eating lake in the middle of a vacationing spot...he'd have to have Sango get on to someone about that. Everyone knows that man-eating lakes are horrible for business. Even in places that don't do business.
Kagome, under the water, thrashed and burbled. Something had her leg and it wasn't letting go, no matter how hard she enacted her best boogie-dancing impression. She eventually blindly struck whatever it was with her foot. She somehow felt this situation wasn't good---maybe not as bad as some of the trauma she had undergone, like her current craving for a burger, but a sea monster was pretty close. Wait! Her eyes widened in fear. "MONSTER!" she tried to scream, only blowing out a few bubbles.
Shippou nearly lost his balance when Inuyasha burst out of the water, dangling Kagome---screaming about monsters---upside down by the ankle. Inuyasha smirked, even though a bruise was developing on his cheek...Kagome had probably kicked him in the face, Shippou reasoned. She really was giving it her all. Even now, she was yelling about sea monsters eating people and when the people were gone no one would be there to fix the juice spill she had made on her mother's favorite bed spread and then she'd be grounded for life because she hadn't told anyone before she left for an escapade in a demon world, but wait, she was being eaten by a monster so it didn't matter anyhow except that the karma would probably follow her into the afterlife and she'd probably have to be the janitor at a juvenile delinquent center in her next life...
Kagome, spinning as she thrashed to get away, caught sight of who held her. Her screaming stopped.
"...That wasn't funny," she told Inuyasha in a completely deadpan voice.
"Was to me," Inuyasha commented with a smirk, dropping Kagome back into the water. She shrieked before she hit, resurfacing quickly.
Shippou blinked in confusion. "Everyone's okay?" He could have sworn the lake had just eaten his friends...Now who was he going to sue?
"And now, if you're finished," Inuyasha growled, "I'm going to finish my fucking lunch, if there's any left."
Kagome, treading at the center of the lake, watched as Inuyasha picked up his torn shirt and walked away. Shippou stayed perched on a rock by the shore.
"Is it just me..." Kagome finally said, spitting water out of her mouth and coughing a little, "or did Inuyasha actually just turn that joke around on us instead of getting angry?"
"You're right..." Shippou agreed, jaw dropping in amazement. "He actually managed to trick us!"
"You know what this means, don't you?" Kagome asked seriously.
"Our job has become infinitely more difficult."
* * *
"I can't get the water out of my ear," Kagome told Shippou as she looked at her Uno cards...only two left. Her hair was still just damp, hanging down in wavy clumps, but she was comfortably dressed in someone's big tee-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts she'd stolen. It was the cleanest she'd been since the day she arrived in the demon world. Shippou was in much the same state, except he had about eight Uno cards. He wasn't very good at Uno."It's Inuyasha's fault," Shippou declared as he laid down his card.
"Isn't it always?" she replied with a sigh, drawing a card. "I'm bored."
"It's Inuyasha's fault," Shippou repeated.
"I know. Too bad there isn't a window or something so that we could escape..." she murmured. Shippou nodded and exhaled sadly. They'd been locked into the bathroom. Every piece of furniture in the house had been stacked against the door. They couldn't even open it a crack for fresh air. They had been locked in there because none of their babysitting company wanted them causing trouble while they went away---Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku to go draw money out of their bank accounts, and Kouga and Ayame setting up some false clues of their whereabouts at a local bar. They really were planning on (illegally) crossing the border, and Kagome couldn't help but be a little upset that they were getting further and further away from home.
"Can't you think of anything?" Shippou complained, dropping all of his Uno cards onto the ground. They'd been playing Uno for the past hour...and it was getting very boring.
"Hmmm...." Kagome tapped her chin thoughtfully. "If only I had some socks for the inspiration."
Shippou gave her a look.
"Oh, what do you know? I do have some socks!" she said brightly, wiggling her toes. "Well, I'll have to think about getting out...but until then, I have a much more exciting game!" she proclaimed triumphantly. Shippou clapped his hands as Kagome opened up the cabinets underneath the sink. She pulled out a bottle of shampoo and proceeded dumping it all over the floor. Shippou perched on the towel rack and watched with interest as Kagome turned to the sink and used the empty shampoo bottle to splash the floor with water. She leaped up onto the side of the bath tub and, tip of her tongue poking out her mouth, jumped onto the floor and skidded across the bathroom with a joyous shriek. Shippou whooped and then tried it as well, skiing straight into the door with a thump. They continued for awhile, occasionally dumping bath products onto the floor when it began to dry.
And then they were bored again.
"I want out of here!" Shippou whined.
"I know. Me, too," Kagome agreed with a sigh.
"C'mon!" Shippou insisted. "You're an evil genius, this should be a piece of cake for you!" Kagome beamed at the praise and set to work. Shippou was counting on her. She opened up the drawers and cabinets, took out everything that might prove useful, and contemplated her utensils. A coat hanger, several cottony bath towels, a trash can, a canister of toilet cleaner, and the empty bottles. She dug around more until she found a sponge hiding beneath a pipe.
"Now," Kagome said in a sing-song voice. "We don't want to cause permanent damage to Ayame's lovely little cabin..."
* * *
"I hope that girl isn't getting into trouble," Inuyasha growled to Miroku as they slid into Inuyasha's car while Sango finished up the work on her account inside the bank."Nonsense!" Miroku argued with a smile. "We locked her in the smallest room of the cabin...there was no window...no explosives...and we stacked every piece of furniture up against the door. How could she have escaped to cause trouble?"
"I don't even want to think about it," Inuyasha mumbled and slid back against his chair.
"Ayame and Kouga are meeting us at the gas station about a mile from here," Sango mentioned as she climbed into the car. "So let's get going, and please try to drive well this time. Having this car is crucial to our survival."
"What's it matter for?" Inuyasha asked gloomily as he pulled out of the parking space. "I lost my Employee of the Month spot."
"Life's just not worth living without that," Miroku told Sango very seriously. The woman rolled her eyes and sighed.
"My life is worth living without the spot, so just pretend like you're sane and drive well."
Some minutes went by, completely silent.
"Why the fuck is it so quiet in here?" Inuyasha eventually asked.
"Feels as if something is missing, no?" Miroku agreed.
"Because the human isn't in here," Sango grumbled.
"...She really is quite loud."
"She's fucking crazy and has no volume control. And she's probably destroying the house."
* * *
Shippou wasn't sure how Kagome managed it, but he let out a delighted yip as she jumped away from the bathroom door as it fell to the floor with a tremendous crash, revealing a mountain of furniture. The two exchanged grins and faced the furniture undaunted."Now all we do is pick our way through!" Kagome told him gleefully. So they tunneled through the massive amount of furniture like ants in an anthill...very quickly and biting anything that got in the way.
"Piece of cake!" Shippou told her as they dusted themselves off when the two stumbled into the living room.
"Let's go cook something to eat."
"I concur."
* * *
Inyasha looked nervous. So Miroku, naturally, was sweating bullets. Inuyasha never just looked nervous."Uh...what's wrong, my friend?" Miroku asked as Inuyasha swore at a red light...but stayed where he was, thanks to Sango reminding him how important it was to pretend to be calm. Although Inuyasha probably didn't really understand what the word calm actually meant, having never been calm before in his life.
"The house is going to be in ruins when we get back. I just know it."
"...It'll be fine..." Sango assured, rolling her eyes. "She's just a simple human...who we know can't actually hurt a fly, despite what the rumors say."
"Exactly," Miroku agreed amiably. "She's just a little energetic, no harm in that."
"Keh! Like hell! She's a fucking loony who manages to destroy everything. The house is going to be in ruins."
"...Luckily it's not our house," Miroku amended thoughtfully, tapping his chin. Inuyasha visibly relaxed.
"Hey! You're right. Ain't our fucking problem."
Sango sighed.
* * *
"Put out that fire, Shippou!" Kagome screeched, dancing backwards and fanning her face."How can I do that?! My magic IS fire!" he screamed as he dropped a pan that he had been using to beat at the fire.
"I've got an idea!" Kagome shouted, racing to the refrigerator. She pulled out every beverage she could find. First went the beer...which only made the problem worse...so she trashed the alcohol and started with the milk.
"Keep pouring that on!" Shippou ordered, fluffing his singed tail. So Kagome poured the apple juice, milk, orange juice, and mineral water onto the flame haphazardly, drenching the kitchen in the process. With a sizzle, the fire went out. The duo's supper sat smoking on the stove, but no longer flaming.
"Yum...fried bologna and whipped cream," Kagome said happily, heaping the charred, crumbly lunch meat onto two different plates. The two took a seat at the wet kitchen table and went to eating their failed attempt at cuisine (not only was it burned, but it was covered with every liquid that had Kagome had spilled over it in an attempt to put out the fire) and sipping out of one can of beer, since it was the only thing remaining to drink.
"What are we going to do next?" Shippou asked, taking a small bite out of his food and trying not to make a disgusted face at it.
"I don't know," Kagome replied. "I suppose we should use the television while we have the cha---"
Before Kagome could finish her thought, the demons returned from their plans and entered the cabin with looks of horror. Kagome and Shippou grinned fetchingly at Inuyasha and Miroku as the two demons ambled into the kitchen.
"Yay! You're just in time for supper!" Kagome proclaimed brightly.