InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Destroyed Happiness ❯ Destroyed Happiness 4 ( Chapter 4 )

Destroyed happiness

 

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Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make money off my stories.

 

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Kagome shivered. She prayed. Sincerely, with tears coating every inch of her face, her heart called out to every Kami she knew of and begged for forgiveness. The silence of the night and the sound of her own quiet sobs were proving to be inspiring, as she finally realized what she'd done. The gravity of the foolish, irrational decision she'd made so many years ago. A father didn't know of his child, and she was the one that had taken that right away from him.

 

If there was one thing Kagome had always wished not to be was a traitor, but she'd become just that. She'd been betrayed by this man she still loved, and had, in turn, betrayed him. But which betrayal hurt more? For a moment, she was inclined to think hers did, since Inuyasha still did not know about Aiko, but she immediately chased the treacherous thoughts away from her mind.

 

How would she feel if she found out she had a daughter Kagome hadn't known about? Shame filled her with a sickening intensity, and she felt embarrassed it had taken an outsider, and one as stoic as Sesshomaru, to make her see the truth. To make her see things from Inuyasha's point of view. Didn't he deserve to know his daughter? Wouldn't he want to hold her knowing he helped give her life? Had Kagome already made that decision for him?

 

Guilty tears made their way into her eyes, seemingly unending. Still, she welcomed each and every one, as they seemed to wash away all her horrible sins. In the quiet night, Kagome could only pray.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Inuyasha mourned. He mourned for what he'd perceived as his life, which was quickly fading. He was very aware of his self-destructive ways and a part of him constantly fought against it, but he welcomed the numbness the alcohol brought to his senses. Every drop made him hazy; it offered him something he would never find anywhere else: oblivion. There was a part of him that kept reminding him what Kagome would say about his actions, but then he would remember Kagome had nothing to do with him any longer. She didn't belong to him anymore. It was then when he realized he'd thrown away years of his life hoping, praying she would return to him. And to what result? She'd distanced herself from him more than she could ever have, and he was the only one responsible for it.

 

This knowledge made his self-hatred seem plausible, so he drank some more, until he could barely remember who he was thinking about. Kagome had always haunted his mind, his very soul, but he would learn to live without her. If only love wasn't so much like a dead weight… He'd been telling himself he'd get over her ever since she left, but hadn't been able to do it. She was still ever-present in his mind and heart; he just couldn't manage to carve her out.

 

My mind's an empty universe. It was once so full of you…

 

His body ached, his breath was short and heavy, but Inuyasha felt calm. Sesshomaru could go sing carols for all he cared. There was nothing better than alcohol in situations like this. In all reality, it was the first time Inuyasha had let himself get carried away by this liquor-induced numbness, but he was ever so grateful for the lack of coherent thoughts and clear feelings that would otherwise hurt like hell.

 

His Kagome was now married, and had a happy life and a beautiful, happy child that looked so much like her. She had a family of her own, and she'd probably managed to make all of her dreams come true. A part of him rejoiced in her bliss, but there was always the darker, sadder, selfish side that still wanted her for himself.

 

He was a hopeless soul.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kagome couldn't have been more startled by Ayumi's distinctive way of sliding the keys in the door lock. She nearly jumped out of her very skin at the loud noise that shook her out of her nightmares. Sometime during the night she'd fallen asleep, crying and regretting her choices. Her eyes felt swollen and she was sure she wasn't a sight for sore eyes. She probably looked like she hadn't eaten for weeks, but she wasn't hungry, either.

 

“Ohayou, Kagome-san,” the cheerful voice greeted her and it tool all her will for Kagome not to break down and cry in front of her best friend. However, she knew it was too late as soon as Ayumi stiffened in the doorway upon seeing her sitting on the floor, propped against the wall. She hadn't wanted to be exposed, but there was nothing she could do now. The only remaining option was to refuse to tell her what had happened.

 

“Kagome? Did something happen?” Ayumi asked, concern flickering in her orbs. Suddenly, her eyes widened in recognition. “Oh, no!” she gasped, both of her hands covering her mouth as she dropped the keys on the floor, unconsciously taking a few steps back and closing the door with her shoulder blades. “Did you sleep with anyone? Is that why you're so miserable?”

 

Kagome's eyes shimmered with fresh tears, but she felt she couldn't answer. How did you tell your best friend that you ruined two people's lives? How could she live with herself now that she had finally realized how much of her daughter and her ex husband's lives she had stolen. They could have shared so many things; Inuyasha could have watched his daughter grow up. But she hadn't given him the chance. She hadn't given them the opportunity.

 

“Oh my God, is it Aiko?” she asked desperately and made to the girl's bedroom, but was promptly stopped by Kagome's pitiful grunt.

 

“No, it's… it's me.”

 

“Do you mean Inuyasha?” she asked hesitantly, and Kagome thought for a few seconds before nodding and answering.

 

“Yes,” she said, feeling so much like a coward for doing it, “Yes, I mean Inuyasha.”

 

Fortunately, Ayumi knew when to drop the subject, but that only left Kagome wondering if that was what she wanted. She somehow felt the need to receive a punishment, be it merely verbal. With a great deal of pain, she unintentionally thought back to Inuyasha's favorite punishments for her disobedience. Kagome could remember everything, from every word spoken down to every caress, every rough kiss shared, and every part of her heart that had been stolen by that man. He would dominate her and make her understand she shouldn't dream of disobeying him, but she knew it hadn't been all that serious to him. It was just their game, to help them keep things interesting and steamy.

 

A perfectly understandable fear spread inside her body like a virus; she didn't even want to think about the day she would tell Inuyasha he had a daughter. She knew it had to be soon, otherwise Sesshomaru would surely tell him, so she couldn't afford stalling too much. Would he be angry? Of course he would. Knowing Inuyasha, he would be furious, and hurt beyond words, as well. What would he do? Would he try to get custody? In that case, she could mention the incident with Kikyou… But would she? After all this time, after all these lies she'd fed herself, would she?

 

She didn't know what she would do. Anymore, she couldn't tell if she wanted him to be a part of Aiko's life or not. Maybe, just maybe she'd deemed him unworthy. That was a horrible thing to do, but more and more she realized it was probably true. She hadn't insisted on finding him to let him know he had a daughter. She hadn't even told Sesshomaru so he could pass it on. She was a terrible person.

 

Slowly, Kagome lifted herself from the floor and went to the bathroom to clean her face. She almost cringed when she saw her face in the mirror; she looked awful. Deciding not to let her daughter see her in this state, Kagome practiced a realistic smile and felt better when she realized it looked genuine. Aiko would never guess, but Ayumi surely would. She would be waiting round the corner to harass Kagome with questions.

 

Sighing, Kagome went out of the bathroom. Her nose was instantly assaulted by delicious smells. It was clear Ayumi had already finished cooking breakfast. She wasn't much of a cook, but eggs and bacons were easy for her, so whenever she felt like dropping by and cooking breakfast Kagome would have nothing to object. Aiko was already eating, her cheekbones moving while she was chewing her food. Her lips were all greasy and she occasionally chewed with her mouth open. This reminded Kagome so much of Inuyasha at the beginning of their relationship, until she had `educated' him. She briefly wondered how come Kikyou had done nothing of the sort before her.

 

“Ohayou, kaa-san,” Aiko greeted, smiling. Kagome smiled, too, and sat next to her daughter, taking the plate Ayumi was offering her.

 

“Ohayou, honey. Slept well?”

 

“Yup,” Aiko said excitedly, a bit of bacon hanging from the corner of her mouth. This time genuinely, Kagome smiled and wiped her daughter's mouth with a napkin. She was just so adorable, stuffing her face like that.

 

“How about you, Ayumi?” Kagome asked, her eyes locking with her best friend's, an open smile on her lips. Ayumi had the good grace to blush and look at her plate, before muttering a barely intelligible, “Fine.”

 

“Really? I'm glad. Was Bankotsu a sweetheart?”

 

Ayumi's face seemed to get redder by the minute; it was obvious she liked Bankotsu maybe too much. It was the second night she'd spent at his place and Kagome just knew it.

 

“He was great,” she answered with a smile, but then frowned, as if remembering something. “How about you, Kagome?” she asked. The distressed woman stiffened at the question and sent a look that clearly stated she wouldn't reply in her daughter's presence.

 

“I'm great,” Kagome lied, grimacing just a little. She was far from great.

 

Breakfast went on amiably and Aiko announced she would go play the piano. Kagome had bought her a toy keyboard so she could pretend she was playing the piano. It was really adorable to watch the little girl act as if she were a famous pianist, worshipped by the entire world. Unfortunately, this left Kagome alone with her best friend that didn't look like she would spare her.

 

“So… tell me everything,” Ayumi instructed as soon as Aiko left the kitchen. Kagome sighed, having known she would be so abrupt.

 

“Sesshomaru knows. He knows I have a daughter and he knows I haven't told Inuyasha. He… he made me think…. he made me realize that I am a horrible person,” Kagome explained reluctantly. She didn't know how Ayumi would take this; she was very mad at Inuyasha for doing what he had to Kagome, but perhaps she would stop seeing things from Kagome's point of view and start opening her eyes, too. Kagome felt she deserved some scolding. “He told me to tell Inuyasha, or else he'll tell him,” she added.

 

Ayumi looked startled, confused, and then angry. “Those bastards,” she said in a low voice, “After all he did to you…”

 

Kagome pursed her lips. “No, Ayumi,” she cut her off, “he's right. Sesshomaru's right. What kind of person am I? I can't believe I did this. Do you realize? I stole so many precious years of Aiko's life with her father. She's asked me about her daddy so many times, remember? I should have told her… I should have told him.” Kagome was on the verge of tears. The pain was too big, but she couldn't imagine how hard it would be for Inuyasha to accept he'd lost so many years with his daughter once he found out.

 

Ayumi seemed to consider this. She looked reluctant. Maybe she understood? Perhaps she'd know what to advise her.

 

“I think… I think you should tell Inuyasha,” Ayumi said, her voice barely a whisper. She was ashamed, as well. All these years she had comforted Kagome, she'd told her not to bother telling him. She hadn't thought about Aiko one bit. It had all been some sort of revenge against Inuyasha. And after all… didn't people deserve a second chance? She'd forgotten that, and Kagome had, as well.

 

Kagome sighed deeply. It was easier said than done. “And what will I tell him?” she asked almost quietly. “Will I just go to him and tell him, Inuyasha, you have a daughter? I can't do that. I don't know what to do,” she confessed, tears falling freely on her cheeks now.

 

“Yes, just… tell him. Just like that. There's no subtle way of putting it, Kagome, you know that. What's done is done. In your defense, you have tried to contact him once,” Ayumi said, trying to soothe her. She could easily understand Kagome's plight. Why couldn't things be as easy for her friend as they were for her?

 

“What if he wants full custody of Aiko?” Kagome asked, her voice betraying her dread.

 

“I… I don't think Inuyasha would d-do that,” Ayumi stammered, her eyes wide. She hadn't considered this. But it wasn't like Inuyasha to do such a thing, was it?

 

“He's changed,” Kagome said with a sigh. “But I think he still loves me,” she added, feeling ashamed of herself. Her ex husband refused the advances of any women. Had he been waiting for her to return? Maybe he had…

 

Oh, Inuyasha... what do I do now?

 

~*~*~*~

 

Sesshomaru paced in his office. What should he do? He didn't know if that woman had any plans of telling Inuyasha about his daughter soon, but his brother had already begun to drink too much that the idea of a little girl to take care of sounded wonderful. Maybe she would bring him out of his suffering. And maybe afterwards he and Kagome would make things right. But this, he doubted. Would Inuyasha be able to forgive Kagome's lie? Would he forgive Sesshomaru? The ever so stoic man could only hope he would.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Kagome was trembling, and it wasn't even cold outside. She'd walked the same alley over and over, until her mind had begun to hurt, but now she could see it clearly. She knew what she had to do, and she would do it as soon as possible.

 

Her heart beating wildly against her chest, she called Ayumi. As soon as her best friend answered, she asked her if she could take care of her daughter for a while longer, because she had to find Inuyasha and tell him the truth. The whole truth.

 

As soon as she found herself in front of her old apartment door, her breath started coming out in short puffs. She felt faint, but she wouldn't be deterred. However, as she raised her hand to knock, she stopped. What would she say to him? What would he say to her? Would he hate her for the rest of his life? She knew this was silly, because she had left him, but somehow, she knew she wanted to be with him again.

 

Determined, she knocked on the door loudly, her head throbbing with millions of scenarios. After about half a minute that seemed more like a prolonged hour, the door opened abruptly, startling the hell out of Kagome. Her eyes widened when she saw the way Inuyasha looked. He didn't have a shirt, his hair was tousled, and his eyes seemed injected. Was he drunk? He looked so skinny, too…

 

“Yeah?” he asked coldly, his eyes never leaving hers. She felt intimidated by the heat of his gaze, but she stood her ground.

 

“May I come in?' she asked, trying to keep any emotions out of her voice.

 

“What for?” he asked harshly, his eyes indicating he'd had enough of this endless torture.

 

“Please… will you let me come in?”

 

His jaw tightened visibly as he stepped aside to let her enter. The apartment looked oddly the same, as if he'd never moved an object from its rightful place. Was that his way of having her around with him at all times? After all, she had decorated it like it was now. Her eyes moved to the empty bottles on the floor and she frowned.

 

“Have you been drinking?” she asked, her tone admonishing.

 

“What's it to you?” he asked in the same cold way that made her flinch. He was right. She had given up the right to reprimand him the day she'd left him. He could make his own calls.

 

Inuyasha knew he shouldn't be this bitter with her, but he couldn't help it. Maybe it was the alcohol in his system, or maybe it was his agony that drove him to utter despair. What was she doing here, anyway? Did she come to see him suffer? To see him torture himself? Was she here to relish his misery? If it was so, then she had no business in this apartment. The apartment that had once been hers, as well. A whimper pushed its way out of his mouth at that thought and he found himself suddenly embarrassed. Kagome seemed surprised, as well.

 

“What are you doing here? Does your husband know you're here?” he asked, genuinely interested. Did her husband know about him? Did he know she'd been married once before? He probably did; Kagome wasn't the kind of person who would hide such a thing. But he was; he flinched at the memories.

 

“Who told you I have a husband?” she asked in a meek voice, barely looking him in the eye.

 

“Ayumi did. Wait, what?” he asked, his eyes widening ridiculously. Was she a single mother? Had she been abandoned? Sudden anger filled him at the though of Kagome being left alone to raise some bastard's child. Or had her husband died? If so, then she'd suffered way more than he had. In any case, it seemed that she had suffered more, but he wasn't ready to dwell on that thought for long.

 

“I'm not married,” she explained and he cocked an eyebrow. Was Aiko a child from a one night stand? Or did Kagome have a boyfriend instead? Maybe she'd realized marriage only brought misfortune, and she'd wanted to avoid bad luck.

 

Or maybe…

 

“What are you saying?” he asked desperately, the haze the alcohol had brought starting to slowly fade.

 

Kagome turned her head to the side in a meditative manner, but when her gaze settled on his again, he could see guilt clearly etched on her features.

 

“I never married. I… I haven't let any man near me since the day I left,” Kagome revealed and gulped, shame filling every inch of her body. Soon Inuyasha would realize what she was trying to tell him and would hate her for all eternity.

 

“Then whose - ” he started, but immediately stopped, the words hanging in the thin air between them. His jaw tightened again as his hand began to visibly shake on the glass he was holding.

 

He knew.

 

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A/N: I just wanted to say I really wondered a lot if Kagome should tell Inuyasha about Aiko so soon... but then again, it seemed the best choice. The sooner, the better, right? She's kept it from him for too long. And it's not like Kagome forgave him for the Kikyou thing. She's just aware that she still loves him and that she should have reacted differently that fateful night.

 

It might seem like she's a horrible person, but her soul has been poisoned with thoughts and memories of how he lied to her, so it's understandable.

 

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's still surprising for me to see what has become of this story that was originally meant to be a one-shot. I hope it's not disappointing.