InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Difference between Wanting and Needing ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

A/N:Quick aint it? I would like to say thanks for reading and also is this kiss natural? I mean the whole scene between Inu and Kag does it seem like it's flowing. I don't want to just throw them together. I want it to seem as natural as possible.

OK Lemme say that this story is supposed to be about what happens AFTER they get together. If this was about just a hookup story I wouldn't get them together until chapter 12 or something. I didn't want to use the lame school project to get them together but this story was supposed to be only 10 chapters…now its 15.

Reminder: Naraku's first name in this is Lio.

Difference between Wanting and Needing

Chapter 5

Kagome was late at the moment.

She was supposed to be at Sango's at six, but due to extreme bouts of laziness the clock was ticking close to nine by the time that she set foot on her friend's doorstep.

Kagome really hadn't meant to be so late. She had meant to go Sango's early and help string twinkling lights around the first floor and get out cups and pick music. She had wanted to watch Inuyasha mutter and curse as he helped Miroku move furniture. This was a tradition; they did this almost every year for Sango. She was supposed to help Sango pick something out to wear and listen to Miroku admire her figure while Inuyasha sat in a corner and complained some more.

But she had decided to not go.

It was really okay. Sango didn't need her help to pick music or string lights; Inuyasha or Miroku could do that. And picking out something to wear was really easy for Sango but the principle of the fact was that Kagome was supposed to be there and she wasn't. And Sango was not about to forget that.

Her friend had called her nearly five times in the three hours that she was missing. But Kagome just couldn't get the will to pick up the phone. She didn't want to go to some party. Things just weren't the way they were supposed to be.

She had dreamed of her father that afternoon.

Well Kagome never saw the man's face but it was her father she had felt it. She had been so small in her dream but even then she wasn't happy, like she just knew something bad was about to happen to the man she had called daddy. If it was a premonition it was damn late. No in the dream she had been playing with him and she felt it that small slip of joy that had been hidden from her soul for such a very long time. But it didn't last long and before she knew it he was bleeding, the red thick liquid dripping from his veins, puddling on the floor at his feet and hers. But that look on his face, it was more than an impression than actually seeing it, like Kagome saw it in her heart more than with her eyes. The sadness of an aged man who knew the mistakes he had made and realized that the privilege to have time to correct those mistakes was exactly that: a privilege.

Words never spoken, places never seen and people never known. Kagome always thought about what her father saw before the blood had seeped from his body leaving him dry. Were the echoes of screams the last thing he heard? Was his last sight a woman that he truly loved or an infatuation? An infatuation strong enough to pull his family apart…

Kagome shook her head as she held the large gift box in one hand and rang the doorbell with the other. She pasted a smile on her lips and tried to brighten her eyes.

Sango didn't need to know on her birthday. Kagome always did her best at keeping her father in the past when her friends were in view. Sango was there when he left albeit too young to really understand the repercussions just like Kagome. When he died, they understood death but the sadness was nearly numbed within Kagome. She had felt that her father really wasn't dead and that it was just a stranger who had similarities to her father.

Someone answered the door that Kagome didn't know but she said Hello anyway and walked through the door not wanting to feel the near desperate sadness pumping her heart.

Bodies were everywhere as Kagome tried her best to trudge through the thick air of hormones and sweat. Music thumping causing the shake of the floor as she dodged beer cans and plastic cups full of other mysterious liquids. People were bumping into her and her present making little dents at the places she squeezed the thin white cardboard too tightly. A few people were saying hello as she passed them by her only return being a simple nod or smile.

She wasn't in the mood to deal with a lot of people at the moment. But it wasn't like she could drop off her gift and leave. Sitting the box down on the dining room table by the other presents, Kagome quickly got a soda and went hunting for Sango.



After going around the floor with people and dancing around, Kagome was very tired. Not being in the mood to really party in the first place had made it slow for her to get into the spirit of things; mainly by the assistance of alcoholic drinks. That hadn't lasted long though and before she knew it she was telling Sango that she was going to take a nap in her bedroom.

She held her tight smile as she finally passed the last of the thrumming bodies and climbed the steps onto the quieter and off-limits second floor. The lights were dimmer than downstairs and the quiet surrounded her as she opened the door that was to Sango's bedroom.

"Oh. Hi Inuyasha." Kagome said surprised. She hadn't expected him to be in here. He seemed to be just sitting on the bed doing nothing but staring at the ground, rolling a can of something between his hands. It wasn't odd that Inuyasha disappeared during a party. She remembered the past times of Miroku or Sango asking her if they had seen the dark hared boy around. Inuyasha had a habit of leaving without telling anyone sometimes coming back, sometimes not.

"Hey Kagome." He said looking up and giving her a weary smile. She knew how he felt; she wasn't in the mood to be around people either. While many of the people were her friends she just didn't feel like entertaining anyone.

It had been two weeks since the calculus project and Kagome thought her and Inuyasha's friendship was coming along very nicely. Kagome had decided that she and Inuyasha were going to spend more time together. Of course Kagome had never asked for Inuyasha's input on the issue, realizing that he would be fine with just speaking occasionally during passing periods and when they were grouped with Sango and Miroku.

She had taken the initiative by showing up at the shrine gate talk walk with him to school. At first he seemed very confused by the gesture but about a week into it, he had begun to wait outside the gates for her on the excuse that Myouga was looking at him "funny" when he saw Kagome showing up.

It wasn't like they were the best of friends or anything. They argued…a lot to the point that Sango would ask Kagome why she felt so compelled to spend time with someone she couldn't stand. Kagome had given the excuse that in the end she and Inuyasha becoming better friends would be good for the group as a whole. And she meant it. For some reason when the sun raised it was like a whole new chance to change, a chance to get to know Inuyasha better; besides Kagome could never stay mad at Inuyasha that long. She wanted Inuyasha as a friend. She needed one.

She had learned a lot about him in the two weeks. What he liked in food. What he didn't like in people. The fact that he was better in math than anyone ever gave him credit for; something that happened in other subjects as well. He hated being wrong in any argument but still apologized to her even though Kagome could see how much he didn't want to sometimes. She learned just how good he was in kendo, when she watched him with Sango during practice. It was very nice just being friends.

But she couldn't stop the trickling of feelings in the back of her mind. Kagome liked Inuyasha. Genuinely liked. She had never liked someone as much as Inuyasha. For all their differences they seemed to have some common balance that logic just couldn't explain. This difference and this ability to like him so much sincerely worried Kagome a bit. Inuyasha was different. He wasn't just some guy that Sango and Miroku didn't know even existed; he was there friend too. Kagome knew there was no way to just leave him like other guys she had met.

She walked over and sat beside him, her arm touching his. "Are you having fun?" she asked lamely as she tried very hard not to concentrate of the tiny hairs of his arm against her skin.

He just shrugged, his smile disappearing from his face. "Yea I'm just tired ya know?"

Kagome nodded and gave her best smile as she stared into his eyes. That was one thing she realized she loved so much about him, at least physically, his eyes. They weren't just black, they were a dark violet so dark it appeared just black to the untrained eye. In fact Kagome had thought they were just that but after looking at them, into them for so much she saw the difference. Because they weren't just black, they appeared lighter and he just looked even more beautiful because of it.

"Then why did you come?" she asked leaning closer. It seemed to be some private moment between them.

"It's Sango's birthday. I have to, she wouldn't forgive me if I didn't." he said while putting the can of whatever on the floor by their feet.

Kagome nodded in understanding. He was right, Sango had a think about birthdays; a person must come and the only way out would be to be in the hospital and even then it might be hard to get out of it.

Kagome got up and walking over to a picture on the dresser to the right of the bed. It was a picture of her and Sango on her 10th birthday. There was a banner behind them printed in red writing shouting Happy Birthday Sango and there was a smile on each of their faces, not to mention cake.

She turned still holding the picture and smiled at Inuyasha, remembering a past birthday, she said absently; "I remember when I had to get my appendix out, Sango was so sad because she didn't want me to miss her birthday. I made my mom get out of the hospital early just to go to her party, I didn't even have a gift but she didn't care. She said me being there was good enough for her."

Inuyasha nodded his head and smiled back at her. She wondered what was going on, she couldn't help it. He was never really one for talking a lot, but being completely silent with her wasn't his thing either.

Kagome put the picture back down and went to sit down again by Inuyasha, only this time she sat closer. Subtlety was a gift sometimes.

He was so near. The scent of his cologne was subtle but still apparent. It reminded her of the forest; it reminded her of the wild, of adventure.

She turned towards him and he was still looking down. He still wasn't looking at her. With exasperation she said; "Inuyasha what's wrong? I know there's something wrong. You're being too quiet." Her voice was low because she was so close to his ear. Although she didn't like the silence, she didn't want to break it just yet. If it was going to be stopped, it had to be by him.

He looked back up at her. His own face was so close to hers and she could almost feel the breath of his words as he spoke. "Nothings wrong Kagome. I just don't feel like being here right now. It has been a long day." his voice was soft and devoid of its usual gruffness.

"You should cheer up. This is a party you know." She said in a whisper so close to him.

She let out a low breath and spoke in a whisper; "Inuyasha." She was already leaning close and closing her eyes and she could almost feel the warmth of his lips. She wanted to taste him and feel him; she wanted to be with him. It was only them in that tiny room, stuff animals and pictures of memories were really the only witnesses. No partygoers, no Miroku or Sango looking for him. The music was just a shadow and the world was really next door and not right below their feet.

And the world stopped turning and took a tiny breath to wait for them.

But the only thing that met her lips was air.

"Kagome it's not like that." He said his voice almost regretful.

She popped her eyes open and realized that he was leaning back from her, his face confused and sad. He didn't want to kiss me. He doesn't want me. To say she was at a loss at what to do was an understatement.

"Oh no oh no. It's no big deal Inuyasha. Really it is not, forget it. Forget it. PLEASE." She said quickly while backing off the bed. He was still sitting there but he was getting up about to speak when Kagome interrupted him again; she really didn't need or want to hear some pathetic let down. "No. Sit Inuyasha. Don't worry." She sputtered while backing away from him towards the door.

She banged into the door, the doorknob hitting her in the back. She grabbed the knob and turned it and still backing out she said embarrassed; "I'm- a - going to see Sango. See if she needs any help. I'll -uh- see you later."

"But Kagome." Inuyasha began but Kagome didn't want to hear his voice and closed the door on him. She quickly walked down the hall silently praying he wouldn't come. She turned to look behind her; no one was there. She couldn't help but feel some disappointment.

Kagome could feel herself slowly unraveling like a ball of yarn. Walking down the narrow hallway, she could feel the walls falling, collapsing on her with every thump of the music. The panic rising in her heart was a shadow of the beating music.

She stood on the landing of the stairs her eyes taking one last glance up the stairs her mind wondering if a boy with long black hair would be walking after her. Of course there wasn't. She had already made up her mind she would be going home. She had to. There was no way she could stay now.

"Kagome?"

The girl turned at the sound of her name.

"Hi Lio." She said letting out a breath and smiling. She knew there was no way it could have been Inuyasha but if it had been Sango …she may have just started crying. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

"How's everything?" he asked following her through the crowd.

"Fine but I am tired. I was just gonna go home…"

"I can take you…" he offered.

Kagome just shook her head, "No It's okay I don't want to bother you." she didn't want anyone with her right now.

He shook his head too in disagreement. "Come on I'll walk you." He said taking her arm and pulling her the rest of the way through the crowd before she could say anything.



Leaving the house had been the exact thing Kagome needed. She breathed in the air and felt somewhat better about what had happened. And Lio was doing a very nice job of keeping her mind occupied.

It wasn't like Kagome had never been dumped or rejected.

That wasn't the issue. It was just well Inuyasha had somehow and against great resistance on Kagome's part gotten under her skin. At times when she was at home she got the urge to call him just to hear his voice. Of course she never did that would be doing nothing but giving in to herself and in the end cause her to want more. She had tried very hard to not want more of Inuyasha because of who he was. That was just too much of a risk Kagome didn't think she could take.

Kagome knew herself. Having strong will power was not one of Kagome's strengths. She gave in all the time to her wants. She didn't want to treat Inuyasha like that. It wasn't right; he deserved more. He was a good person with faults but still a good person. And Kagome just didn't know if she could change.

She looked up to the stars almost looking for some guidance. Of course no answer came to her and she couldn't help the sudden loneliness she felt yet again. Lio didn't know her, at least the way a person who really cared would.

Does Inuyasha know me? Do I know him? There's still so much I don't know.

Kagome didn't know if she really wanted to be with Inuyasha. When she had tried to kiss him it had been almost a habitual thing that she did.

"Are you cold Kagome?" He asked as he noticed she had tightened her arms around herself. She felt this disgust at her own stupidity well inside of her. It doesn't matter anyway he doesn't want me.

Kagome shook her head, "No. Thanks for walking me." Her house was practically in front of them. All she wanted to do was sink into her bed and drift. She didn't want anyone around her, she didn't want to talk; she wanted to just crawl away. Humiliation was humiliation regardless of how many times it happened.

She looked over to Lio. Why can't I like someone like him? He liked her it was obvious although over time the feelings had simmered down but it didn't mean they couldn't be cooked up again. She shook her head at that idea. Even she knew what a bad idea that would be. What's wrong with me?

She said goodbye to Lio and shut the door without even giving him another look. It was only one and her mother was still probably up but she didn't want to have some conversation. If her mother saw her she would know there was something wrong… at times it could be so annoying. Climbing up the stairs making sure to side step old creaks, Kagome just let the scene in Sango's room repeat in her head. It was almost like a movie she was watching, cringing at the part where the boy doesn't want the girl.

Except the girl is me this time.




Kagome had only been able to get an hour of sleep before her cell phone was buzzing in her ear making her wake up. Without looking she knew it was Sango, the only person who would call her so late.

"Where are you?" Sango immediately asked when Kagome answered the phone.

"At home…" Kagome answered meekly readying herself for the tidal wave of guilt Sango was going to put on her. First she didn't show up to help decorate and now she left early without even saying goodbye. Normally, Kagome spent the night at Sango's helping her clean and open presents before chowing down on the leftover food and drinks.

"Why?"

"I don't feel good. I think I drank too much." Kagome said trying to weaken her voice and sound convincing.

"…Oh. …" Sango stopped for a moment but then spoke very quickly with a slight sound of alarm. "You didn't walk home alone did you?"

"No. Lio took me…"

The phone suddenly got very quiet but Kagome could hear her friend's muffled talking on the other end.

"Hello?" Kagome said after a while when the muffled speech stopped.

"Kagome? I guess it was good that you went home." Sango sounded a bit relieved.

"Why?" Kagome asked her voice low. Even though there was no one there to see her, her eyebrow popped up in curiosity.

"Kikyo's here." Her friend's voice was a bit angry. "I didn't even know, Miroku just told me. I wonder if she knew this was my party." She said her voice making the question seem almost like an after thought. "Anyway did you find Inuyasha? Miroku's looking for him now."

Kagome's stomach dropped at the name. She didn't want to be reminded at the moment. "The last time I saw him he was in your room…"

"He isn't there anymore. Miroku doesn't want him doing anything stupid now that she's here…"

"Huh? What?" Kagome sat up quickly ignoring the small wave of nausea sweeping through her. She got the sudden feeling that she just asked something she didn't want to know. "Why would Inuyasha do anything stupid because of Kikyo?" Kagome was trying very hard to make her voice sound nonchalant but that was hard when Kikyo was involved.

"…"

After a moment of silence Kagome's voice raised. "Sango? What?"

"Well…even I'm not supposed to know. I made Miroku tell me…" the hesitation was dripping from her voice.

"What?"

"Inuyasha… He and Kikyo they used to be together. Inuyasha's still kinda stuck on her."

"Oh." So her stomach had stopped that dropping feeling and instead it was her sinking like a stone in the sea.

"You can't say anything Kagome. Miroku will be in so much trouble." Sango said quickly not noting her friend's sudden drop.

"I-I know I won't. Uhm… Sango I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay Kagome. Feel better bye." Sango said before hanging up.

Kagome let her hand drop from her ear, the cell phone still in hand. He was with Kikyo. She couldn't believe the taste of anger and sadness that invaded her senses. She gripped her phone tighter almost like she was trying to tie herself to something. He was with Kikyo. Yep it hurt. Kagome couldn't help the frown that slowly appeared on her lips and the fall of her brows.

Why should I care? We were never together. I was stupid… It doesn't matter now. He can have Kikyo or anyone else. It doesn't matter. He's not worth it.

A/N: If you're wondering just where this will go well… I listen to Brand New - Deja Entendu, The Donnie Darko lyrical soundtrack, Greatest Hits of Bjork CD and a couple of dark Sneaker Pimps songs. I base my writing on the music. You can find a couple of lyrics in here if you look. Tell me what you think please. REALLY!!