InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Difference between Wanting and Needing ❯ Chapter 4 ( Chapter 4 )
A/N:Any comments suggestions crits welcomed and wanted. I feel like this chapter is too weak but it's needed.
Difference between Wanting and Needing
Chapter 4
Sometimes waking up was the hardest thing Kagome ever had to do.
Waking up meant blinking into a blinding sunlight because she forgot to close her blinds from the night before. Golden warmth had flooded her room and only helped her to close her eyes again. Rolling over to face the wall of her bedroom, she burrowed farther into the warm cocoon she had created with her soft pink bedding. The lighted darkness her blankets gave her allowed the time for her eyes to adjust and her mind to remember just exactly where she was.
Just as she was regaining the ability to think clearly without any fuzz her door burst open and her brother yelled, "KAGOME GET UP!" before promptly slamming the door close again just to make sure she heard him.
A muffled groan could be heard escaping the soft fortress from the bed. She really didn't feel like going to school at the moment. She had trouble sleeping all night. No position or number of pillows helping her get comfortable. Her mind had kept on remembering the stupid book she had found. Putting her in a decidedly bad mood for the night and today. The last thing she could remember before sleep finally claimed her was looking outside and seeing just how pretty the fading night could be.
Sighing, Kagome forced a surge of energy in her lazy body and sat up quickly. She glanced at the clock be her bed and saw it was 6:30. Great. Not only was she sleep-deprived she would have to hurry to be on time for Sango. Putting her feet to the cream-colored carpet, she stepped on exactly what had caused her to be so restless. Looking down, Kagome couldn't help the small annoyance to trickle into her.
There just wasn't any time to pity herself.
With a small huff, Kagome pushed the book completely out of sight under her. Getting up and searching for the pieces of her uniform, Kagome let herself stop thinking about the tiny piece of life she would rather forget.
Shutting another drawer in slight frustration from not finding any socks, a picture frame toppled from its place and to the floor. Kagome picked it up hoping it hadn't broken. She had received the frame as a gift from Sango for her 15th birthday. It had tiny shells on it and the outline of mermaids on the sides; at the bottom in big block letters it said FRIENDS FOREVER in English.
The picture though wasn't of just her and Sango, instead it also included Miroku and Inuyasha. A sour note hit Kagome as she thought of Inuyasha. Their conversation yesterday had done nothing to help her day. She really had no idea what his problem was, but it did make her realize just how much she didn't know about him. All he had been was Inuyasha Mitsumari as long as she could remember.
She remembered his impatience and bossiness, exact reasons why she had never enjoyed being around him when they were younger.
Kagome didn't understand why though she was so separated from someone who had been in her life for so long. Sure she wasn't as close to Miroku as Sango but Kagome chalked that up to the fact Miroku wasn't a girl.
Inuyasha though it seemed like he was there in her life but more in the background. Maybe she was that oblivious when she was younger. Maybe she had just considered him a friend because he was there. But that didn't really mean anything.
Kagome couldn't help but wonder about Inuyasha.
He said he didn't want to talk to me.
Had she really done something so bad to him? Maybe her ignoring him was worse than her being mean. She placed the picture back down and leaned against the chest of drawers. She suddenly felt very bad and she didn't want to think that maybe it was because of Inuyasha.
She would have thought about it more and sunk deeper into her thoughts if the house phone hadn't started ringing. Kagome didn't answer it though because if it was for her they would have called her cell phone. Shaking her head, she looked at the clock and realized she had just lost twenty minutes thinking about someone who probably would prefer her not to talk to him ever again.
I'm not gonna make it for Sango.
With a small sigh, Kagome picked up her cell phone and dialed her friend's number form memory. Sango probably would not be happy with her, Kagome had a habit of being late and Sango said she would take it upon herself to change that habit.
On the third ring Sango finally answered.
"Sango don't come by, I'm not ready. You can go without me."
^^^
"Inuyasha you should really learn to apply yourself."
"Yea Myouga" said Inuyasha absently as he searched in the refrigerator for something more to eat than ketchup and milk. Right then he decided to go grocery shopping after school. Myouga was sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee as he read through the newspaper.
"You have a lot of potential to do so many things."
Inuyasha just grunted a response as he shifted his attention to the freezer. Maybe he could microwave something.
"I don't understand why you can't do better when you're able to."
Instead of responding Inuyasha just rolled his eyes and tried to look through the ice for something edible. This was how the day usually started for Inuyasha. Myouga talking about his potential and how much more he could be. The old man was never home and when he was, it meant a lecture for Inuyasha. So it was only reasonable for Inuyasha to want the man gone.
Myouga had been a friend of the family since before Inuyasha was born and he had taken care of him since his mother died. Myouga didn't have a family of his own nor was he married. So Inuyasha couldn't really blame him for not knowing what to do.
It wasn't that Inuyasha was ungrateful or not appreciative of the job the old man did that his brother refused to do; it was just that Myouga wasn't a very good caretaker. That could be seen from the array of scars from cuts that probably wouldn't have happened if Inuyasha hadn't been able to do as he pleased when he was so young. A broken arm from falling out of a tree, a broken finger from a skating accident, and a sprained ankle from running down stairs had taught Inuyasha how to be careful…and how to fall correctly.
"Are you listening Inuyasha?"
The teen just nodded as he shut the freezer. "Yea I know I have potential and I'm smart I have to stop doing stupid things." He answered thinking about what to eat. He would just have to stop by a pastry shop when he went to the station.
There was a rustle of paper as Myouga put down the newspaper. In indignation, Myouga said sharply, "You aren't listening! I said you're going to be late for school."
That got Inuyasha's attention. His eyes twitched to the kitchen clock and he saw that he had only 10 minutes to catch the train. That would be fine if he wasn't 15 minutes from the train station. With a silent curse, he grabbed his jacket and book bag and ran out the door. He could hear the fading echo of Myouga yelling; "Do good in school!" behind him.
Inuyasha should have known the universe was trying to fuck with him.
That could be the only explanation as to why Kagome Higurashi was in his sight throughout most of the day. Inuyasha had never paid much attention to the girl, but after yesterday it was almost impossible to get away from her.
He should know he had tried.
Example 1: The train station.
The train station in the morning was like a polite race. No pushing or shoving but swiftly walking and clever dodging to get into the train compartment. Morning meant being squished like sardines into each compartment of the train. He hadn't had time to buy anything to eat from a shop but it didn't really matter since it wasn't like he would have any room to eat anyway. Each compartment of the train was made to seat 30 people, an extra 15 because of the plastic rungs hanging from the ceiling. That meant 45 people in all.
Right now there was at least 65 people in his compartment at the moment.
Inuyasha looked outside and watched the man* dressed in the nice navy suit and white hat and gloves push another person in and then wave with a tight bow as the doors shut tightly and train took off. This wasn't odd and Inuyasha was very used to this; having neither personal space nor the ability to move without backing into someone.
But today he did mind the cramped quarters and the overstuffed compartment because at the moment he was pushed up against Kagome.
Sure there were times where they had ridden together to school but Sango or even Miroku were usually there to talk to. They hadn't been alone together. Being alone was like signing a contract to silence. He didn't want to talk to her, not after yesterday. In fact he had tried very unsuccessfully to not think about this girl who he knew would cause trouble for him in his life.
Of course she would be trouble; he had learned any girl was trouble.
Normally, Inuyasha was the type of person so enjoy his ride to school. If not for the fact that he wasn't in school than the quiet hum of the rail as it lulled him into semi-consciousness. He couldn't relax with her just standing there right beside him just… sucking up all his air. She hadn't said much to him but a simple Hi that he returned. For nearly twelve minutes they didn't look at one another but where well aware of the other's presence.
And when a seat opened up beside him, instead of sitting down himself he offered it to her. Not because he was being a gentleman but because it meant that he would have enough room to maneuver himself away from her. And that was how he left her, sitting in between two strangers her eyes twitching in his direction as he tried his best to ignore her.
He incorrectly thought that would be his last encounter with the girl alone.
Example 2: The walk to school.
The young man had forgotten the five-minute walk to school.
After getting out the tiny ant hill that was called the train station, Inuyasha was walking to school pretty relaxed until he realized someone was behind him. Without even looking behind him he knew it was Kagome. It had to be. If it weren't…well then it wouldn't be his life.
It would be ridiculous to walk to school separately; they knew each other not to mention the trouble he could get into with Sango and Miroku for being mean and (their words) 'anti-social'. He slowed down his walk, letting her catch up to him. It wasn't like they could have some long talk anyway. The school was already in sight and then they would be on their way to class. They may have had the same class but at least they didn't sit together.
After yesterday his view of Kagome had changed little. She still was like Kikyo in the since that she was hiding something. That the sunny exterior was just that a façade and underneath that the real person that she was. Her questions had gotten to him more than he had let on at first. He didn't understand why all of sudden she wanted to be in his life. They had known each other since they were fourteen but he really didn't have a problem with the way things were right now.
She was silent at first not looking at him but at the cement as they treaded towards school. But then her voice crept through to him like a small breeze. "I-I am sorry about yesterday Inuyasha."
That surprised him. He turned to stare at her incredulously. "What is there to apologize about?"
She finally looked at him stopping in her tracks. "I just thought I upset you and…"
"Well you didn't so forget it." Inuyasha broke in gruffly, shaking his head. "Nothing's changed." He added stopping waiting for her to start walking again.
Her eyes seemed to fall at that. "Oh." She said the disappointment creeping in her voice as she began walking beside him again.
Her reaction wasn't something Inuyasha had been ready for and it just made him wonder just what was wrong with what he said.
Example 3: Calculus class.
"I'm putting you too together because Inuyasha you are very weak in Calculus and Kagome has done very good in the class." Said Mr. Yamamoto very matter-of-factly.
That was what had greeted the pair when they stepped into their Calculus class. People sitting in pairs bent over books talking about math or other topics that had nothing to do with numbers. And their teacher starring at them and looking like he was the smartest man on earth.
They were partners. They had to sit together. They had to talk to each other…at least for that class period. The project was small and could be done in one period if the air worked hard enough.
So they worked very diligently. Inuyasha silently hoping to be done by the bell. Kagome wasn't as good in math as the teacher had let on though. He had many of the things figured out before she did. Maybe this was his clue that he should actually try in class. He might not have been the situation if he had worked a little harder and showed the teacher he had an idea of what was going on.
They didn't finish…of course.
He had asked her to come over to his house as more of a strategic move. Being at his place meant he would be more relaxed and not deal with Kagome's mom or her brother. He didn't quite understand the look that crossed her eyes when he had asked.
But do you understand why Inuyasha thought the universe was waving a big FUCK YOU sign at him?
^^^
The sky was as gray as soapstone. It drenched the clouds and dimmed everything; grass seemed that less green and trees that more unwelcoming. Kagome had been standing in front of the shrine gates for five minutes motionless. Staring into nothingness too absorbed in thoughts and memories better left unrealized. She hadn't stepped inside the shrine grounds since she was just a child. Foolish enough to believe the things her mother told her about fate and faith. When the world was just so much more simple because -it just was.
Please bring back my dad. My mom is so sad…
She remembered her whispered prayers. She heard word as if the wind carried them now.
Why did he have to go?…
And Kagome remembered the unrelenting silence that followed each plea. She ran her hand across her face wiping invisible tears and erasing the desperate frown scrawled across her lips.
I should have offered my place instead.
Kagome had thought of asking Inuyasha if her place was okay but the only thing that she had said was okay. Maybe she had said she was okay with it because she knew she would end up just like this. Facing something that had far too much control over her. This shrine and what it stood for.
Kagome had always seen herself and her mother as pretty good people. But she was missing a father and her mother went to sleep alone in bed she had received as a wedding gift. And Kikyo had her mother and father who reconciled after-
When Kagome understood what hate was, she had tried very hard to not hate Kikyo and her family. But she realized she couldn't every time she saw Kikyo strolling down the hallways. She understood how far her malice was when Kikyo smiled or laughed.
Maybe she wasn't as good a person as she thought.
"Kagome."
The young girl whirled around surprised. "Oh Hi Inuyasha. I guess I didn't hear you." She said lamely.
He starred at her a bit before walking around her and opening the gates. "Sorry I'm late. Practice went late."
"No no it's okay I just got here." She said trying to hide the nervousness she felt.
Kagome followed him through the grounds. Little memories were springing upon her. There little group would come here often for the fact that many times Inuyasha didn't have a parent around. The house itself was very modest and looked like any other ordinary house. There were tools lying everywhere and boxes full of stuff like wood or sheets of metal. Walking in, Kagome couldn't help the tiny reenactments of memories that started.
Inuyashachasing Miroku around the house. Them falling down the stairs and landing in a heap. Her and Sango laughing at them and drinking soda at the kitchen table.
Sitting at the tiny kitchen table Kagome couldn't quite believe she knew nothing about the boy sitting across from her and opening his textbook. He had looked the same as long as she could remember with hair as black as midnightand eyes the same way. She glanced around, looking over to the connecting living room as Inuyasha searched through his backpack for a pencil not noticing the fleeting emotions in Kagome's eyes. Her gaze landed on the big family picture over the mantle. It was obvious who they were except for the boy who had hair so blonde it looked almost white. She remembered seeing this picture so many times but it never really occurred to her who he was. And the little Inuyasha in the portrait looked like a remnant of the person sitting across from her now.
"Kagome?"
"Huh?" Kagome asked her eyes dropping to Inuyasha and realizing she was staring far too hard at the portrait.
"Are you ready to work?" he asked a shadow of a frown on his lips.
"Uh- Yea. Sorry." Kagome blubbered as she dug through her bag for supplies.
That was how the rest of the hour went. Silence only broken by the periodical question and answer.
"So you really like Calculus?" Inuyasha asked suddenly breaking the silence. He was starring at her, almost in awe at the concentration she was putting into the work.
"No." she said absently shaking her head. "I really hate math." She jotted down another equation to do.
"Then why do it?"
That got her to stop writing and look up at him. She was quiet for a moment before shrugging and saying, "Because it's just something I'm supposed to do. You don't seem to like the class much either."
Inuyasha simply shrugged at the statement, leaning back in his chair. "Mr. Yamamoto gave me a good window seat."
They were silent for a while doing homework before Kagome spoke without looking at him. "You know it's like people expect things and then you get stuck …in that mold. And not doing something just disappoints them." She dropped her pencil to look up into his eyes. "I don't have any expectations of you Inuyasha. Whatever you do that's who you are." She said while realizing the depth that his eyes held.
He seemed to think over her words before saying, "It's better that way isn't it?"
"Yea…yea it is." Kagome answered nodding her head. A genuine smile popped up. "I think Inuyasha we should get to know each other better. We are with each other so much."
He simply nodded thinking about her words. Kagome turned back to her work a small smile on her lips. Inuyasha thought maybe he could give Kagome a chance. That his own expectations and assumptions of her where what was keeping him from really knowing her.
&&&&&
*I can't remember that man's name. I know there is a special name the men who push the people into the trains get but i can't seem to find it.