InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ different shades of black ❯ free time (part two-Kagome) ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: Since I can't think up anything witty, right now (hmwk has my brain fried)…I do not own Inuyasha. Those rights belong to Rumiko Takahashi.

AN: something went screwy with my comp. so there is a slight change is markings…the marks for thoughts, have been changed to "=="

WARNING!- GRAPHIC scene of violence/bloodshed (which ever applies. I don't want to give away the chappie…lets just say, if u can't take blood or it described, forget this chappie)

**********Kagome *************

By the time the girl reached her room, she flopped down, flinging her school bag, somewhere on the other side of the room.

==holy shit. What a messed up, no not day… life! ==

She turned over and stared abstractly at the ceiling, trying to make forms appear.

This was a little trick Miroku had taught her, early on, to develop her searching techniques. To find objects that weren't in front of you. But she also found that it relived stress, when there weren't any aura's to focus on, around.

Her favorite form to try and make appear where any cute a fuzzy animals, in a Goth form.

Kagome, had thought about going to Sango's house, but Sango seemed a little distraught, and Kagome was sure she needed some time alone. They all did.

==what a fucking, bad situation.==

After focusing for about 10 minutes, on the images on the wall, Kagome gave a melodic giggle, which she hasn't done in over a year.

==man, if I didn't know better, I would think I'm tripped on acid… looking at little Goth bunnies on my ceiling. This is too great! ==

She shook her head, and got up.

Walking to the CD player, she put in Marilyn Manson, and walked to the kitchen.

When she got home, there was a note, that she hadn't noticed it when she got home. Her first objective, when she got home was to crash for a minute, and get to her room, so no one would bug her. So she had originally bolted to her room, ignoring the world inside the shrine.

"Dear Kagome darling,

Ji-chan, Souta and I have gone to your aunts for dinner. Don't wait up. There is food in the Fridge that can be heated up.

Love you Kagome."

==well at least I get the place to myself for a little while==

With that she ran upstairs, and started a bath for herself.

While waiting for the bubble-bath to fill up, she started to cook some rice balls for herself.

When she was just about done, she noticed yet again, something that slipped her view when she had made the mad-dash to her room. The light on the answering Machine was blinking, in protest to being left with a message.

She pressed the little red message button, to rewind the tape, and start the message.

"You have reached the Hirgurashi shrine…." The rest of her mum's polite message gave the basic visiting information, before beeping to let the listener know that the message was incoming

"Kagome-chan? Darling? It's Mum. Your auntie has asked the three of us to stay the night. She says that since were staying for dinner, it will be too late for ji-chan to ride home. No need to phone, we're ok. Just so you know. Love you. And don't forget to finish your homewo…" BBEEEEPPP. Kagome deleted the rest of the message before her mum could finish.

With a Cheshire grin, she turned off the stove. Wrapped the rice balls in clear-wrap and headed upstairs. Completely forgetting about eating them or anything for that matter, for the rest of the night.

She stripped in her room, and pulled on a black fluffy terry-cloth bath robe. And trudged into the bathroom. But not before grabbing some vanilla scented candles that were in a basket. Enough to light the bathroom with a warm glow.

She set about 8 candles in a row along the side, the floor, and near the mirror on the basin.

She took off her robe, and put it on the hook on the door.

She lit the candles and gingerly stepped into the bath, with the still burning match, in between her fingers.

With a gasp, at the temperature being to hot, she sank down. And proceeded to stare at the tiny flame.

Kagome ran her finger through it. Allowing it to stay long enough to hurt. Then pulling away.

As the flame reached her fingers on the hand that was holding it, she flicked it away from her hand and it landed beside her, burning away some bubbles, and hissed out.

She sighed and leaned back, listening to the Music in the background.

When Kagome felt her consciousness slipping, she sat bolt upright, and then as quickly as she sat up dunked her head in the water, bellow the whiteness of the bubbles

==I will not drown. I control my own death. Wake up Kags. ==

She came up gasping for the air she quickly denied herself, to wake up.

With a groan Kagome took the bubbles, and ran them over her torso. Running her hand filled with the light bubbles over her full breasts, stomach, neck, then down her arms.

She stopped when she reached the scars on her forearms. The red lines, each symbolizing, her emotional defeat. Or a moment of such.

Kagome slid her hands over them, and thought about each time she had hurt herself. How released she felt. And how much she wanted that feeling right now. It was the only thing, sometimes, that stopped her from committing suicide.

While gracing the right fingertips over one of the longest red marks on her left forearm she went into her own world ==oh Houjo. If only you were here. If only I understood, what's going on around me. Miroku says my powers are increasing, and are almost more powerful then his, but I don't have the training to control them. So basically, I'm no good. But we already knew that didn't we?== Kagome snickered menacingly at the last part

She got out of the bath tub, and walked over to the medicine cabinet, which was beside the basin in the bathroom. She reached in for the straight razor her grandfather used to shave. ==probably the only person in the world who still uses these. But who am I to complain. He helps me to gain a little release even if he doesn't know it, just by continuing to use these==

She walked back to the tub, following the water-drip trail she created when getting out of the bath.

She stood there for a second, her pale, almost white skin glistening with the water on it, in the candle light. She saw herself in the mirror, and thought she looked like an apparition. Her hair, dripping and alarming, along with her mascara that she failed once again to take off, dripping down her cheeks, and being as pale and thin as she was, anyone that would walk in, would mistake her as a wandering soul on the earth.

==I'm Kagome. I'm not dead…yet== she said with a smile.

Shaking her thoughts away, of her being of the dead, walking on this earth, she sunk back into the warm water, holding the straight razor above it, so it wouldn't get wet then rusty ==last thing I need is to get a Tetnis shot== she chuckled at her little joke then stopped. She wasn't used to hearing herself laugh, and in the small, tiled bathroom, it echoed back to her, and sounded very hollow.

Kagome stared at her forearm then the blade, and back again.==Maybe I shouldn't… I mean Inuyasha DID say… Screw him, when did you ever listen to him?...but he was being nice, and he looked concerned… Fuck him Kagome. This will be the last time, then. You need a stress reliever… you need release==

She nodded her head, and listened to her empty house. The music had long-since stopped playing, as the CD, had been completed, so it was just her and her thoughts. Minimal as they were at the moment.

The bubbles in the bath had pretty much dissipated, leaving the few that covered her breasts from her earlier attempts to wash, away sleep.

She set the blade in the back of her left arm, and gripped the blade tightly with the right. Inuyasha's words running through her mind.== "We need to hurt Naraku… focus on that. Not hurting yourself. I know it hurts Sango, when you do that. And I'm sure it hurts others" ==

==Damn him. KAMI! I control my life. And if no my life fully, then at atleast this. I can at least control my own release. My own Death or life… I need at least A LITTLE CONTROL!==

She didn't know why she was yelling, but she felt as if she had to.

But the blade didn't move. But she saw crimson dripping into the water, underneath her. Looking to the side, she saw she had gripped the blade too tightly, and sliced deep into her right-hand fingers. ==KUSO!==

With the realization, that she had indeed lost control, Kagome took the blade and dragged it deeper then she had ever done, down her left arm. Causing a bright crimson line to be left. She stopped when she reached the inward curve of her elbow. The Blood, slid down, and dripped slowly into the tub, beside where her other hand was bleeding.

Each drop, swirling into the bath tub water, when it hit the soapy water. Each drop reflecting the candle light from beside Kagome.

She watched each drop with keen interest. No emotion was noticeable on the girls face as her arm bled into the bath tub. Creating a vortex of emotion, in its own right, when none-could be shown by the girl in the water

KAMI-god/gods

KUSO- shit

Thanks go out to my AF.net readers. Gyousei, sly, Jamie, *broken_hope*, Anon (yes I know it means anonymous, but u reviewed, hopefully you know who u are), bubble gum, pot head, imaginary friend, Kelly, Darklady, and me.

PLEASE. REVIEW.!! *begs* thank you *curtseys*