InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Do What You Have to Do ❯ Chapter 15: The yearning to be near you ( Chapter 15 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Do What You Have To Do
Author: DeityOfDeath
Archive: Yes please...
Pairings: Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi
rating: NC-17/R
Spoilers: Most likely.
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan

Chapter 15: The yearning to be near you

I found myself entertained by the simplest of things as of late. Most often those things involved my daughter.

Chiouka was always on the go. She made her way from one end of the castle to the other and I found myself following her, trying to find something enjoyable about this place I called a prison. It did me no good to sit around wishing for something that wouldn't happen anytime soon. So I kept myself busy and entertained, which in itself was hard to do now that my eldest was in training.

A month had gone by since the party and as the weather continued to grow colder and the snow continued to fall in spurts I saw less and less of my son and his sire. I welcomed Sesshomaru's absence but grieved at my sons. I wasn't the only one who missed Ryusei, his sister seemed at a loss without her Oniichan and the servants and staff noticed a lack of his presence and commented more often than I did, then again I rarely spoke my concerns out loud.

Chiouka grew by leaps and bounds and as she grew so did her intellect and thirst for knowledge. We'd take walks through the halls and she'd point to portraits and objects that had amassed and been displayed in the many halls and rooms and ask what or why or who and I'd try my best to answer. With each day she learned a new word or phrase and tried her best to impress Rin and Aoiyuki by using her new words and phrases. They too found much amusement in her intelligence and wit especially when she began to teach Hotaru her new words. The two together was a sight to behold.

As the month of February lead into March and spring began to thaw the winter's ice I found myself unable to do much other than sleep, eat and use the bathroom.

The slightest task left me exhausted and more often than not I retreated to my room and under my covers. I would wake slightly when Chiouka climbed atop my bed, burrowing under the covers and coming to snuggle next to me in the very same position Ryusei used to; her head under my chin and nestled against my beating heart. As she weaned from Rin's breast she also weaned from her as well. Rin was not upset nor depressed at the loss. She remained a nursemaid to my daughter and said she would gladly be there for my new pup when it was born. I held no ill will towards her and never would, it had been my own stupidity as well as Sesshomaru's that had caused things to turn out as they had and even though the thought of it made my blood boil I pushed all ill thoughts and ill will aside and tried to stay positive for myself and my children.

I still had no idea where Sesshomaru stood in the scheme of things or how I felt for him. I was in no hurry to sort out my feelings or thoughts; I had a lifetime with the bastard. We were mates and nothing in the next few months would change that and we would always be brothers.

I had no plans to leave any time soon. Kouga's offer would always be on the table and I knew he would take me and my pups but would it be worth the war? No, never. I would not allow another to sacrifice what they held dear for my sake. No, I had seen too much of that as it was. No, I would stay with Sesshomaru until the time and need deemed otherwise, besides it would not be wise to leave this home while carrying.

Another month flew by and my exhaustion remained and my body grew. As the snows ended I found myself in my fifth month of carrying and had the full attention of everyone but my missing mate who still seemed to be missing with my son.

If I could carry his heirs the least he could do was acknowledge me while I did so other than his stupid hen pecking and knit picking. I continued my routine without him. Yes, my routine…Wake, bathe, eat, play with Chiouka, eat, nap, play with chiouka, snack, nap, eat and sleep. In between I found myself emptying my abused bladder.

An abused bladder was not my only issue, the little critter found joy in pushing and shoving my innards around as if there weren't enough room in there, leaving me stumped as to why. Neither Ryusei nor Chiouka had acted as though they were cramped until the end of my seventh month.

Chiouka enjoyed our play time and when I ate she too would eat. When I napped she napped and when she wasn't tired Rin would kindly entertain her. The little one had much intelligence in her and I saw more of her father in her than myself. As she grew she looked oddly familiar and I realized she looked much like her grandmother, Sesshomaru's mother. I wondered if the woman whom my daughter resembled would grace us with her visage again and as quickly as I thought it I wished I hadn't. I had no need of her sarcasm or biting remarks, I had enough from the fruit of her womb.

As Spring graced the castle with its warm breeze and bright sun I felt my spirits rise. I waddled through the castle now, I could not move any other way. I found myself large enough at six months to resemble myself at eight. I found myself wearing my old robes from late in Chiouka's carrying period and seeing they were getting tight my maids had ordered a few sets of robes in larger sizes. I suppose embarrassment would have followed but I found myself not caring. Better to be big and well clothed than to be naked with my body exposed for all to see.

In mid April a letter had been received from Sesshomaru himself saying to expect him back soon so the servants went out of their way to make the castle as saintly clean as they could, going as far as to prepare a meal to welcome both masters home. I found a nervous excitement deep inside and I couldn't decide what made me more nervous, seeing my son after so long or my brother.

As they readied the excitement grew and it only took two days after the letters arrival for the two to be sighted over the horizion.

“Lord Inu Yasha! You must look out your window! The lords arrive from the north,” shouted Reika excitedly as she set my new set of yukata on my bed.

I watched as she threw open the curtains and pushed the windows out, opening them and allowing a pleasant breeze in. I stood and waddled my way over to the window and stared out unable to see anything beyond the horizon.

“Look closer lord, see…there,” said Reika as she leaned in next to me and pointed up a little higher.

I followed her line of sight and that's when I saw the familiar four legged figure of my brother in full demon form with an unfamiliar companion beside him. My breath caught in my throat as I watched them dance across the sky and clouds. They were indeed a beautiful sight and yet…it hurt to see it. My chest tightened and I felt my eyes grow hot. I felt the tears brim over the edge and quickly wiped at them in an attempt to be rid of them.

“Don't fret lord. It makes my heart swell to see him so grown as well. Just think, soon you'll have another little one to care for along with little Chiouka.”

I nodded and fought more tears, taking deep breaths to calm my overwhelming emotions.

“Come, I'll help you dress. We must make you look amazing so that your brother has no choice but to comment.”

I allowed Reika to lead me to my full length dressing mirror table and stood there as she helped me disrobe and then redress in my newest yukata. I paid no attention to the fine embroidery only seeing the way the white of it made an ethereal light around me in the mirror. Making me look like some lost deity I wasn't.

When she finished she led me to my dressing table and helped me to sit on the cushioned stool, a heaviness that was all too familiar weighing my heart down making my physical burden seem even heavier.

My son was a full demon, there had never been any doubt and now there never would be. He would become a great and powerful lord just like his father. The memory of them in flight hurt me more than it should have. You would think that hundreds of years of knowing who and what I am would have destroyed my longing to be full demon and it made me ashamed of myself to have them drudged up at my sons crowning achievement.

I still had the jewel but it barely held any power currently. If it would regain its former glory only the future could say. It would be a mixed blessing if it did. I could do what I wanted in the past and make myself a full blooded demon but then again we'd have every demon from here to Timbuktu fighting to capture it. I closed my eyes willing the thoughts to vanish. No need to think on the past or even the far future, it would do no good in the here and now.

I watched as Reika combed my hair adding incense and oil as she did so, her favorite smell on me had always been rosehips and any kind of citrus she could find and today it was lemon. It was hard to retreat into my tired depression with the refreshing smell of lemon around me and I forced myself to look up at the mirror as Reika chattered away glancing at me through the mirror smiling the entire time.

“Your hair has grown even longer! Should we leave it down and allow the full effect of it to catch our lord's attention; he does love your hair.”

I saw my hair fanned out around me and I realized that it had grown pretty long. It was cool enough that I supposed I could allow the annoyance of it being down for once. I often kept it braided or up in a bun or hair piece in the hopes of keeping it out of Chiouka's grasp. It seems she enjoyed my hair as much as her sire.

I nodded and cleared my throat, “Sure, I leave it in your capable hands Reika.”

She grinned widely and fetched a large sewing needle from my hair pin drawer along with a handful of glittering crystals. I watched as she carefully threaded and tied off a few here and there throughout my hair, not that it was really necessary. Pregnancy had made my hair not only longer but shinier and healthier than it otherwise was leaving it a curtain of moonlight in the daylight. With my wardrobe finished Reika helped me stand and then stepped back taking it all in as the sunlight silhouetted my body.

I saw her eyes widen and then she grinned.

“You're ready. Let's go see Lord Sesshomaru and your son.”

And with that she walked to the door and opened it, holding it open for me like many of the servants did for royalty during parties. As I walked I felt anything but like royalty.

I made my way down the stairs and felt the tension leave my body as I did so. It wasn't as if he hadn't seen me large with pup before and he would look the same…no it wasn't him….it was my son. I was worried about my son. Would he still be my little Ryusei? I shook my head causing some of my loose locks to fall over my shoulder. As I came to the end of the stairs I found Kohaku standing there staring up at me like I was something he had never seen before. I watched as he shook his head and cleared his throat.

“I was just about to fetch you. Lord Sesshomaru is in the dining room with Lord Ryusei. They were worried you wouldn't make it down.”

I gave a small nod and walked past him and made my way down the hall towards the dining room. Upon reaching the opened doors I found similar reactions to Kohaku's as the guards moved aside and stood stiffly as I entered the room. I could see the dining table a few feet away but somehow it seemed as though it were miles.

I stood there and stared past the others and found my eyes locked on Sesshomaru but soon found them forced away as I saw the figure next to him. The small baby I had birthed almost eleven years ago was no more, nor was the young boy who ran with the children of Sango's village. He was no man, not yet…but he was a young man, a young man who suddenly stopped talking as he looked in my direction.

It was as if all other sounds had vanished and only my breath and heartbeat; which thrummed in my ears, was all that remained.

“ChiChiue…”

I watched as Ryusei stood up and made his way towards me and at the same time I made my way closer to him. We met somewhere in the middle and where I thought would be an awkward silence there was none.

“Good god, no one said you were about to pop! Toosan said he wanted to return home sooner and now I see why. He doesn't admit to it, but he's quite the worry wart.”

I stood there staring almost eye to eye. He had gained height! Goodness, an inch or two and we would be eye to eye. A few more inches and he would be taller than me. He had his father's height.

I felt his arms encircle me and I felt muscles that had not been there before. The image of my little one was no more.

“Come sit, ChiChiue,” he said as he took my arm and led me to the table.

We came to stand next to Sesshomaru who at first looked surprised as he looked me over. I felt a small victory at that but it was short lived as my mind nagged at me, wondering what astounded him, my looks or my overly large pup filled belly.

I had barely begun to ponder it when the clattering of his chair broke my attention as he stood and hastily pulled out my chair for me. To say that I was surprised would be putting it lightly but I fought not to show even a hint of it. I sat down and allowed him to push me in.

I had a plate set in front of me and I lifted my fork and began to eat before Sesshomaru even sat down. I pretended not to notice his hands playing with my hair, which was easy to do since the ends nearly touched my ankles and the tug was barely noticeable.

“So has anything exciting happened while we were away,” asked Ryusei excitedly.

“Chiouka has begun to talk in sentences. I wouldn't call them complete just yet but she certainly does enjoy giving her opinion in all matters. Oh, and she has decided that she now enjoys sharing my bed. Reminds me of when you were little although I believe she's a bit more of a bed hog than you were.”

“How about the unborn pup,” asked Sesshomaru after he returned to his own chair beside me.

“Growing, growing and moving,” I answered as I placed my fork free hand on my belly self-consciously.

His eyes followed my hand and I felt uneasy as he stared at me. He seemed constipated with unsaid words and I didn't know what to say or how to say any of the many responses that crowded my mind. So instead we remained quiet.

Eventually his eyes returned to his plate and I to mine. Dinner continued on until all plates were emptied and we were filled to the point of popping, me more than anyone else.

I listened to Ryusei talk about his adventures in the snowy mountains and his training and how he and his sire traveled the lands learning new techniques and styles of fighting. I listened while sipping gingerly on a well aged wine until my eyes fought to stay open.

“You'll have to excuse your ChiChiue Ryusei, it seems as though he is exhausted,” said Sesshomaru in what I could assume was mirth at my expense.

“You carry a pup and then you will know just how exhausting it is.”

After I said it I realized I had been pouting. I would have cared a lot more if I wasn't tired and achy, bloated and just a tad bit tipsy.

To that I heard no answer and I made to look up but not quick enough as I felt my chair move backwards and then large and strong arms carefully pulled me up into a standing position. I felt one arm around my widened waist while the other held my left arm as I was guided out of the dining room like some well bred lady.

I allowed it; there wasn't much else I could do. My mind was muddled with wine and I was exhausted. The wine had succeeded in ridding me of my insecurities and in trade for my inhibitions.

As I was led up the stairs I placed my right hand atop the one wrapped around my waist and gripped the one in my other hand tighter.

“It's your fault, you know,” I said slightly slurred.

As we reached the top of the stairs he responded, “What is?”

“My exhaustion, my drunkenness and my stress….and I could probably name a thousand more things so don't even try to think of reasons that would make you innocent.”

“And why are you stressed,” he asked as we reached my quarters.

“I am not nearly inebriated enough to start that conversation,” I said as I twirled in his arms like a drunken ballerina until I came to face him, my back against the door leading in to my quarters.

He leaned in closer, until we were face to face in the literal sense, his breath warm against my cheeks. He wrapped his arm around my waist again before opening the door to my quarters and turning me about so that I was facing in the general direction of my bedroom. He didn't so much as push me, more like march me into my bedroom; closing the door behind him.

He led me over to my nice soft bed and helped me take off the outer layer of my yukata, leaving on my thinner under layer before helping me to sit. He lifted my legs causing me to fall back against the fine down pillows and then I watched him take off his own outer layer of kimono and hakama pants before walking around to the other side of the bed.

My pulse quickened as my mind frantically pondered his actions.

Did he expect us to couple like I was in heat? I hope not. I was much too tired and too large with pup to actually receive any pleasure from it. Everything ached, I just couldn't imagine coupling at this time.

I felt the bed dip and then it shook as he moved beside me and then the sheet came up over us and I felt him pull me flush against his chest. My heart quickened at the sudden contact and as his hand came to rest on my overly large belly I could have sworn my heart now resided in my throat.

His hand moved no further, it just lay there on my stomach which my once slumbering pup lay quiet now moved and kicked inside letting me know it was unhappy with my stressing.

I moved my hand to rub my belly in the hopes of quieting him or her but found the need met by its very sire. He seemed lost in the movement of my pup and my belly and as the movement calmed and then ended I found my eyes too heavy to keep open any longer until there was nothing but the comforting warmth at my back and now wrapped around my body.

To Be Continued….

OMG! Thank you so…much for all the reviews. I seriously mean it! Never before had I received paragraphs for reviews and I not only received one review like this but over ten if not more so…thank you! They really made my day and helped me to get through this chapter. More to come and hopefully more to please you all.

Kat