InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Do What You Have to Do ❯ Chapter 18: I do what I have to do ( Chapter 18 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Do What You Have To Do
Author: DeityOfDeath
Archive: Yes please...
Pairings: Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi
rating: NC-17/R
Spoilers: Most likely.
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan

Chapter 18: I do what I have to do

Ten years….It has been ten years since I was brought to the castle I now call home. Nine years since I birthed Chiouka…five since I birthed Haderashi and Hissorashi. Ten years trapped inside these walls while watching my brother and mate; Sesshomaru, come and go as he pleases along with my sons.

The only view I get of the outside world is from my window or when foreign demons visit during balls and festivals that are held at the castle twice a year. I hear news and gossip from Reika and many of the other servants I saw everyday. I lived through their gossip and stories and found myself living the life of a desperate housewife trapped in a glamorous world I had never wanted.

When the pups were younger I was preoccupied with their raising and teaching but now with the twins at five I was left to my own devices while they learned from tutors along with their sister. I spent my free time memorizing every room in the castle and with them every hiding spot, secret passage way and whom had lived in that room at one time or another. I learned every face in every portrait and whom they mated and if they were blessed with children what befell them.

Once or twice Sesshomaru and I had coupled without my heat and more than once with the help of fine sake' to give both of us courage in performing and participating in the act of coupling. It had been frenzied and awkward but in the end we both found release and in the morning he was always the first to leave the bed we had shared.

I had my heat once last year and Sesshomaru had been away seeing to Ryusei's training leaving me alone to ease the heats symptoms. I had managed and although it had been most uncomfortable and almost unbearable I had survived and best of all I came out of it with no pup growing in my belly.

My happiness overflowed and upon Sesshomaru's return he saw my overabundance of happiness and inquired its cause from Aoiyuki.

When she had informed him of my heat's passing he seemed lost as to why such a thing would give me cause for happiness.

I ignored his confusion and enjoyed my time with my children.

Haderashi and Hissorashi were much like Ryusei and were bundles of energy and full of questions. I walked them through the garden as I had Ryusei and Chiouka at their age. I taught them plants and animals and what were edible and what was not. I taught them to tumble and fall so that they could avoid injury and I taught them to spar.

They sparred against one another and I allowed them to spar with me two against one only separating them to spar one on one if I saw something they needed to work on.

Sesshomaru had been right; the two of them were inseparable and were a magnificent pair together. Haderashi was spunk and fire, brash and reckless but his brother; Hissorashi, was the complete opposite. He was cool and calm, calculating and precise.

They were only five but they were full of potential.

I was amazed at how stout and healthy they both were. Both had long straight locks of hair that we kept pulled back as best we could. Both had their longer bangs and sides pulled back into a ponytail behind their heads and pulled back into a full pony tail with the rest of their locks. We had tried many ways of confining their wispy locks; buns, a braid, full braids tight against their heads but none seemed to last throughout the day. By the end of the day we might has well just left it down for all the free hair and tangles they sported.

Why waste time and effort and so our sons sported basic ponytails unless a festival or ball was held and then we would try to make them a bit more suited to the occasion.

Chiouka was our little lady, she was always primping and dressing up, practicing with powders and paints to make herself beautiful. Sesshomaru told her at least once a day that she was a “natural beauty” and that she needed no paints or powders they only hid her true assets. Being a lady in a house full of men was hard for her and sometimes I hoped for another sibling for her in the hopes she would get a sister she could play with. She had Rin and her two younger daughters but they were not demons and she had a harder time relating to them, though dolls and dress up were still a favorite with the three.

I sometimes wondered if Sesshomaru's mother had looked like Chiouka when she was younger. I could see the coldhearted demoness in my daughters face when she seemed lost in thought and when she was angry but as soon as a bright smile bloomed across Chiouka's small face the similarities vanished.

Perhaps a harsh life had chased all the bright smiles from the lady's face. I could only wonder but with her warning and part of her tale told I could see how one would lose their smile.

I had my pups and they helped me keep my smile and even if I were confined to the palace Sesshomaru did try his best to keep me happy, even if his best was part of the reason for my despair and unhappiness.

Ryusei is sixteen now and becoming quite the young man. He has his father's height and seems to grow another inch every time I see him. He resembles Sesshomaru in the face but he is my son in most of his mannerisms and his hair is a mix between the two of us. He has my thick unruly hair with his fathers coloring. He leaves his sides and bangs free flowing most of the time but always pulls his long locks in a high ponytail atop his head. He is a handsome boy and I am glad to see him with a bright smile always in place.

His is also a bright. When he and his father are not away training he is often at my side. He shares stories of his adventures with sire and sometimes he sits beside me and asks me of my many adventures. I tell him as much as I can until a deep sorrow and longing fills me and it is then that I usually end our time by excusing myself claiming to be exhausted.

I am sure I am fooling no one. I usually retire to my quiet quarters and my bed and curl in on myself trying to bury deep the need to be free and outside the palace I have found myself trapped in. With my knees to my chest sometimes I allow myself a few tears a moment of weakness before I pull myself together and force myself to clean my face and to stand tall with my head held high.

Never let him see you down. Never give him the satisfaction, which is my mantra. That is what keeps me strong; and my children.

And so it was I sat in my window seat in my quarters and watched seasons pass and with them another year and another until once again my heat fell upon me. Sesshomaru seemed to sense my heats beginning and called off his training session with Ryusei and when my heat was at its peak he lead me to his room instead of my own and there we spent a night in each others arms. He was passionate and gentle unlike the many other times we had coupled and as his body was once again tied to mine while his seed filled me I could only half heartedly wish it would end.

I had become desperate for touch and his more than anyone's left me feeling like some besotted fool even though I despised him for much.

When morning came and he gently pulled himself from my body and left the room to clean himself I lay there missing his heat and presence and cursed my weakness.

After three pregnancies it was almost too easy to tell when I was pupped but this time I felt nothing. I said nothing and returned to my quarters wrapped in his blankets, refusing to lose the remaining warmth and his scent he had left with me. I fell upon my mattress and slept a deep sleep. I woke in the afternoon and did as I had always done after a session of love making, I bathed in a the warm water filled tub provided by the servants and washed away thoughts, regrets and worries while surrounded in citrus and rosehips.

All returned to normal and time and normalcy reigned as one week became two and two soon became three and I realized I was empty, there was no pup. This revelation surprised and befuddled me. To be safe I visited Aoiyuki who examined discreetly and confirmed my observation.

To be without pup was a prayer answered but somehow it frightened me. Would I conceive again? Aoiyuki said I was healthy and that I simply hadn't conceived this time but what if I didn't conceive during my next heat, or the one after that.

I shrugged it off but deep in my mine worry took root and uncertainty.

When Sesshomaru visited my chambers we coupled without reason, simply because he was horny and I was not opposed to his advances and afterwards as he lay breathless beside me I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before speaking aloud.

“I am not with pup.”

His breathing halted for a moment and he sat up so that he could look down upon my face.

“I visited Aoiyuki and she says that all is well and that there is no reason I should not expect to carry next heat,” I said in as deadpan a voice as I could but he could probably hear the anxiety and nervousness in my voice and tone.

“We have pups to raise still; we need not repopulate the entire inu clan in one century.”

His words calmed some of the anxiety and I felt a weight lifted from my mind.

The relief must have shown as his hands turned my face towards him so that his lips pressed gently on my forehead and then each cheek and finally on my lips. He pulled back and then attacked my lips once more with more vigor this time. He began another round of love making and I let him.

To Be Continued…

Went through and fixed mistakes and spelling errors in earlier chapters and then resposted them on all but one site I post on. So now new chapter. My goal is to finish this fic so I can start on my two new ones I have rolling around in my head. One will be a sequel to Cornerstone and the other is an Inu Yasha and Kouga fic. So…yeah… So many fic ideas. Thanks for reading everyone~!!!

Kat