InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Do What You Have to Do ❯ Chapter 28: I’m shaken ( Chapter 28 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Do What You Have To Do
Author: DeityOfDeath
Archive: Yes please...
Pairings: Inu Yasha/Sesshomaru mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/ Kikyo
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi
rating: NC-17/R
Spoilers: Most likely.
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, Incest, SPOILERS!
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Do What You Have to Do" by Sarah McLachlan

Chapter 28: I'm shaken

Each day feels like a new one and yet I feel so very old. I am learning new things and yet they don't seem new.

I have been in the care of the traveling troop for over a month and the weather and scenery has changed around us. It went from sweltering hot and humid to a comfortable temperature with the hint of chill in the breezes that blew around us. I watched as leaves dried from the summer regained their beautiful lush green only to lose that vibrant green and instead turn various shades of yellow, orange, red, purple and even brown.

It was a beautiful sight which I enjoyed to the fullest even while I was lost in my thoughts and recovering memories.

My mind seemed to be always full. I would see something and it would bring a vivid memory that was either so joyful and happy that my heart felt overfull and sometimes happy tears would form and then there were those that were sad, terrifying and hurtful that left me feeling so lost and hurt that it would take a bit to calm down and more often than not it was Naomi or Midoriko that stayed by my side at those times.

Naomi gifted me with a small leather bound book full of blank pages and I was told to write any and all memories I had down and that way I could go back and reread and regroup them into some sort of order.

I did as she suggested and thus far I have created different sections. I have recalled memories of a young girl whose name I've called over and over in these memories. Her name is Kagome and she dresses in an odd way that I have yet to see anyone else who dresses like her. My heart aches when I remember her and with the smile she often gives me in these memories I can assume that we were really close and perhaps even more than friends.

When I see this Kagome I often see a group as well. I have a hard time placing how we met and even their names but I can recall a small kitsune with eyes a deep pine green and hair as coppery red as the falling leaves. He is the second smallest of our group, the smallest being a pale yellow fire cat with black markings and eyes a deep red. There is a person whom this firecat is always with that has eyes that are a deep brown and filled with an intensity that you can't help but notice and long ebony hair pulled back into a ponytail. There is a man whose short ebony locks are pulled back into a small ponytail and whose brown eyes are always fixated on the beautiful woman with intense eyes. He is a flirt and in the memories he can never keep his hands off of the intense woman. I am amused that this man is a monk and after I told Naomi and Midoriko about him they are as well.

I have memories of a woman who is beautiful beyond all words and so pleasant and sweet that my heart aches in a different way. In my dreams and memories I call her “Haha-ue”. I believe she is my mother which explains why all my memories are happy except for one… the memory of her death.

I have some memories of a full youkai with hair as white as moonlight and eyes a deep gold just like my own but his eyes are never pleasant and seem to hold such hate and malice that it hurts and aches so deep down in my chest that I often cry without wanting to and often I have a hard time breaking free of the deep depression and sadness that his expression causes and then there are the words and actions.

I can not recall this youkai's name and I am undecided if I ever want to.

My body is changing and I am unsure as of yet how I feel about the little being growing deep inside my body. My belly is rounded and just beginning to push outward, not enough to show through the baggy pale orange hakama I have been given but enough that if I sit my hand atop it you can tell that a new life is growing beneath my palm.

I am not treated any differently among the troop and I am given what they call the fair share of work. I often care for the horses and mules that pull the wagons. I feed and water them and see to it that their hooves are clean and in proper condition as well as their bodies and coats. It also my job to help Naomi in the putting up of fliers and calling to either gather crowds to announce a show will be starting.

When I am helping with the troops performances I am often given a slight makeover to make others think that I am dressed up and that I am not an actual hanyou. Often it is Midoriko or the twins Kiyoko and Kiyomi. They often line my eyes in coal and my lips in rouge and then they tend to play around with colorful face paints. I was taken aback when they had playfully colored my eyelids and the corners of my eyes in rouge and applied striped markings along my cheeks.

As I stared at myself I saw a younger and pudgier version of the serious man in my memories. I was not good at sketching or drawing but I had grabbed my book after their efforts and confused them all by trying to sketch my own features. I had done a decent enough job that I was satisfied but it was Hiro who had insisted I see an actual artist and even paid for it. The picture produced looked like some mythical being and I could not see myself in it but I thanked him and took the picture with me. I was even more amused at the fact that he had made himself a copy that he promised would be his and he would only use it as an example of his work.

I did not mind, I did not see myself in the work he created but rather a softer version of that hardhearted youkai with the penetrating stare.

Another month went by and the little one moved and I felt myself drawn to it and desperate to know the “mate” who had sired it.

Whether it was my desperation or months spent in the tender healing care of the troop my memories were coming back and in a particularly harsh memory I saw those gold eyes filled with dark emotions that resembled hate and loathing and yet they held want and lust.

In that memory I was on my hands and knees in the grass below a tree while he thrust deep into me. Pain laced through my heart and body at the memory and when it ended the memory of pain and fear filled my body as I saw a child; my child, enter this world. No, not just my child; his child, our child. Our son with his moonlight kissed hair and soft golden eyes that I knew turned into a deep gold like that of the sun on a bright day.

The tears that flowed down my face were both happy and sad as I fought to remember the names of the son I had birthed and the youkai who seemed to fill my mind so endlessly.

Fall was coming to an end and with it the colder and harsher weather was coming. It was this time I year I learned that Naomi would contact the nearest lords and ladies in both the human and youkai worlds. She would ask for housing and in exchange for housing and food for the winter months she would offer their services which varied from menial tasks to performing and playing music when asked.

My body was large with my expecting child and we began a grand game of disguising me as a woman. I was in my seventh month and bundled in a thick winter kimono with my eyes once more lined in coal and my lips rouged just enough that I looked a bit more effeminate, though it was hard not to look effeminate with my belly big with my moving child who did so more than ever much to my discomfort.

It was a particularly cold night when my body had done the oddest of things once more, when daylight left the sky and night fell. I had found myself in the carriage getting ready with Kiyoko and Kiyomi's help while Midoriko did her makeup and dressed when an odd glow covered my body. I felt my body shift and change and when the odd sensation had ended I stared at myself in the mirror before me and saw the woman I had called “Haha-ue” in my memories. It was not the first time I had changed into a human in their presence nor the first time I had seen myself in the mirror as a human but with the makeup on my face I could clearly see the resemblance between myself and my “Haha-ue”.

“You are quite a sight when you change, even more so with the makeup,” said Midoriko as she finished dressing and came to stand behind me.

I nodded and smiled at her through the mirror, “I look like my mother with the make up on.”

She gave a surprised look and then smiled widely back at me, “It's good that you remember her.”

When everyone was ready we entered a large tent that was filled with empty chairs with small fires lit in clay pots around the tent to give warmth and one by my side where I sat bundled in a heavy winter kimono and thick blanket in a seat made of stacked crates with a soft cushion to sit upon and a thick blanket to keep the chill of the crates from my body.

I was given the job of collecting payment and so I did, watching as patrons filled the tent until there was standing room only. I watched as a finely dressed couple came to stand before me. Both held a foreign beauty and by the look of their honey brown eyes and pointed ears I was almost positive they were full youkai. The man grinned showing sharp canines as he looked down at me as he dropped coins into my open hand. I looked up at him noting his tan hair with its smattering of black throughout and a memory of his grin surfaced in my mind with him and his mate in a glittering room dressed in finery as the sound of music and idle talk surrounded and engulfed us.

I blinked up at him and smiled shakily as I nodded, “Enjoy the show lord and lady.”

His smile disappeared as he looked down at me and seemed lost in thought.

“What is it darling,” and as the beautiful woman beside him asked he smiled once more and shook his head.

“It is nothing my dearest. Let us go enjoy the show.”

They entered and I fought to understand how I could have recognized such rich and refined youkai.

The show began and I closed the drapes of the tent and sat facing the stage as Hiro, Naomi, Kiyoko and Kiyomi played their shamisen, taiko and flutes. Beautiful music filled the tent and everyone seemed lost in the lull of it as stories wrote themselves in the notes. I felt my child move and stretch and wondered if he or she was enjoying the music as well. Soon applause followed silence and then the music began again and we all watched as Midoriko came on stage and began her first dance. The audience was entrance as was I; watching as she moved with such elegance and training that you could only wonder what otherworldly being she was.

One song ended and another began and soon she had danced to three songs. There was a short intermission and as the audience chatted and partook of the refreshments that Chiasa and Masa sold I found myself once more in the presence of the grinning lord. He stood beside me smiling down at me inquisitively.

“Can I ask your name,” and as he asked I felt a strange nervousness.

“Shiro,” I answered looking into those piercing honey brown eyes that almost seemed to glow.

“Quite an odd name for one with such beautiful ebony tresses and not really a name a young lady should have,” he quickly replied.

I felt a headache build along with my panic as his questions persisted.

“Where are you from Shiro?”

“I am not certain.”

“Do you not remember,” and as he asked I felt the child in my belly kick harshly not liking the sudden spike in stress.

I couldn't think of a reply and yet he plowed on.

“How far along are you,” and I saw his eyes glancing down at my hands as I used my left to sooth my child by rubbing my visibly expanded belly.

I felt pain build in my head and stopped stroking my belly in favor of holding my head as the pain began to grow and intensify. I closed my eyes and tried to help alleviate the pain and yet it still continued to build.

“Shiro!”

I heard Midoriko's shout and felt her hands come to rest on my arms bring them away from my head and gently stroking the sides of my face until I opened my eyes and looked into her startling green eyes filled with worry.

“Are you okay,” she asked softly.

I nodded and looked back up and into the now concerned honeyed eyes of the finely dressed man before me.

“I believe there is much to discuss between us my talented dancer. I would like for your Shiro to join me and my wife after your performance.”

His expression and deep honeyed eyes were serious and left no room for argument and so Midoriko nodded and stood offering me her hand. I stood and she escorted me to our wagon. She helped me into the wagon with our honey eyed guest standing outside; as if afraid we were going to make a run for it.

I was helped onto my bed roll and covered with a blanket as I took a deep breath and closed my eyes in the hopes that the headache I had developed would dissipate.

“Rest, I will get Naomi to come sit with you and when the performance is done and the tent emptied I too will return.”

I nodded up at her and felt fear and dread fill me, “I've seen him before but I can't remember why and how we met.”

She nodded and patted my hand, “I figured as much. He is pretty determined that you not leave his sight. Do not stress, it is not good for you or the little one. Rest and relax.”

No sooner had her words left her mouth than I saw Naomi at my side. Her hands gently patted my head reassuringly as she busied herself making tea. The sound of music began again and softly carried in the night air to the wagon. I listened and closed my eyes allowing sleep to pull me under.

I awoke with a gentle pat to my head and the soft calling of my name. I was helped into a sitting position and looked around noting that not only Naomi and Midoriko sat with us but so did the honey eyed couple and all seemed to have their eyes on me.

“I am sorry to bother you all but I am certain my hunch is right and that I know our young Shiro,” and as the words left his mouth he offered no grin or smile and instead a frown.

“And how do you know our Shiro Lord….,” asked Naomi as she offered me a cup of steaming tea.

“I am Lord Pacchiri and this is my beautiful mate Lady Amira,” he replied to the unasked question as to who he was and gestured to his beautiful mate at his side.

“So how is it a lord and lady of the Jackal clan know our young Shiro,” asked Naomi once more.

“I suppose I shall answer that question with a question…have any of you heard of the great Inu lord Sesshomaru,” and as he asked I saw both Naomi and Midoriko nod and then both looked at me closely.

“Are you aware that he has a hanyou brother?”

And as he asked I saw Naomi turn to me giving me a once over before she turned back to Lord Pacchiri.

“You think I am this hanyou brother,” I asked clenching my hands around my tea cup.

“You are a hanyou are you not,” he asked as he looked me over.

I fought his gaze and instead sipped my tea.

“You can hold your tongue if you prefer but it is nearly dawn and if I remember correctly…there is a day or night when a hanyou loses their power. I am betting that yours just happens to fall on the new moon.”

As he said it I could feel the familiar tingle in my body. I knew that the sun was rising.

“Why do you think I am this hanyou brother,” I asked fighting to make sense of this before my body changed.

“You have his eyes even if they are a different color and that same challenging look and the fire in your eyes is the same.”

“And why is it important you find this hanyou,” I asked looking into his eyes.

“He is searching for you and has asked for the aide of friends and alliances. It seems our beloved InuYasha simply vanished after visiting his human friends. No trace or sign…”

And as the words left his mouth a soft glow covered my body and I closed my eyes as the shifting of finger nails into claws and fangs elongated in my mouth. When I opened my eyes I saw and felt Lord Pacchiri gently lift a lock of my hair and hold it up smiling brightly at me.

“That is until now…”

Silence was heavy in the wagon only to be broken once again by Lord Pacchiri.

“Welcome back Lord InuYasha. Your mate has been frantic in his search for you.”

To Be Continued…

So I wrote six pages and deleted them, wrote four more and deleted those… it has been a trying few days trying to get this chapter written. I had an idea in my head but I shall save that for another fic.

A lot of you would like to see Sesshomaru's POV which I wouldn't mind doing but not in this fic. Perhaps I will write a story from his POV or even a standalone. Is that okay?

I've written from Sessh's POV in other fics so I'd rather keep this one from Yasha's POV. Thank you for all the reviews~!!!!

Kat