InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Drown ❯ Chapter 22: Who will make me fight? ( Chapter 22 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Drown
Author: DeityOfDeath
Archive: Yes please...
Pairings: Inu Yasha/Kouga, Kouga/Ayame, Inuyasha/Kouga/Ayame, mentions of Inu Yasha/Kagome and Inu Yasha/Kikyo InuYasha/OC
Category: Drama, romance, slash, Mpreg, yaoi
rating: NC-17/R
Spoilers: Most likely.
Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, Non-con, Mpreg, SPOILERS!
Disclaimers: I never have nor will I ever own Inu Yasha or its chars. They are property of Rumiko Takashi and major companies.

Note from Author: Thank You for reading and supporting fan fiction! Enjoy and please review!

The chapter titles are lyrics from the song "Drown" by Bring Me The Horizon

Chapter 22: Who will make me fight?

My body throbbed in pain all night but grief is a greater pain and I let it engulf me.

It was late in the evening when I was finally discovered in my small nook at the back of the cave by none other than Sesshomaru. I could smell him; a musk of cinnamon and spices with the odd scent of air before rain fall mixed with pine and cedar.

As he neared I could see his black boots until they stood a foot away where he stopped. I slowly lifted my head as my vision trailed up his white hakama and past his black armor and finally I stopped upon seeing his mouth set in a deep frown and his eyes glittering with something foreign which I realized as I saw his sword out in his hand was sorrow, a bit of regret and a touch of his usual anger.

“I am sorry InuYasha, my sword would not sing for her. Her soul has passed.”

I fought to swallow and closed my eyes which one would assume would be as dry as the desert with as much as I had cried but no…once more my sore eyes grew hot and tears slipped past my closed lids.

My stomach cramped and it was as if Sesshomaru had sensed my pain and he lifted his sword letting it hover over my body. His sword was silent in his hand and he angrily threw it across the room as he stood there with anger blooming on his usually stoic features.

“It's okay Sesshomaru,” I croaked out.

I had realized as I sat there in my sorrow that my pup hadn't moved for quite some time and that I could no longer “feel” its energy nor its movements. My pup was another victim of Kiba's attack and yet I knew it was my fault as well. I had put myself in harms way and with my idiocy I had killed my unborn pup.

I struggled into a standing position and felt my body cramp again. I gasped and walked past Sesshomaru and went to where Tenseiga lay. I carefully bent down and lifted Tenseiga into my hands and slowly made my way back to Sesshomaru's side. I stopped in front of him and held his sword out to him until he finally held his hands out and allowed me to place it into his hands.

“Deep down I knew she couldn't be saved. If anything you and Tesaiga gave me a bit of hope. Thank you for coming,” I felt as hollow as my words sounded but I needed to say them. I felt as though my brother needed to hear my words.

He took Tesaiga and sheathed it with his other swords and I felt lost as to what I should do next as I stared oddly past him.

“Come, let us see if Koname and Tensen can take a look at you,” and I sobbed at that statement. I sobbed because of so…many things but mostly because Sesshomaru had brought Tensen to see if anything could be done and I also sobbed because seeing them meant they would confirm my pup was dead.

I felt the odd sensation of Sesshomaru's arms wrapping around my shoulders as I was brought against his solid chest. It was odd and something I had never experienced but I found myself lost in his arms and the comfort they offered as I sobbed myself dry once more. He didn't pull away and after a few moments I felt him shift and found myself lifted into his arms, carried like a child as I leaned against his chest cradled in his warm arms.

The world around me swayed and wobbled as tears continued to flow from some endless well in my deep in my wounded heart. I saw a doorway hide get pushed aside and immediately felt Koname's warm hands on my swollen cheeks and then my forehead. She gently checked me over and she seemed to look everywhere but my swollen belly until Sesshomaru cleared his throat.

“I would like you both to check his pup,” and as the words left his lips he gently placed me down on a pile of furs a few feet away.

I saw Tensen approach along with Koname and I fought the urge to shy away and hide myself once more. Koname came to kneel at my side, her gentle hands helped to push aside my hakama and under robe until my belly was exposed for all present.

There was no missing the deep bruises that lined my belly, you could practically see where each hit, punch, and kick had landed. I closed my eyes and felt her hands move along my belly and as she pressed and felt around I felt nothing. No shift, movement or response. I felt her hands leave my belly and I watched as she sat back and allowed Tensen the same courtesy. As Tensen's hands pressed he paused and I felt energy pulse through my midsection and I opened my eyes and saw the sadness etched on his face and Koname's and I had my answer. My pup was gone. They had confirmed what I had suspected and didn't want to face.

“Your pup has passed.”

I sat there as my body cramped and I stared down at my belly and fought through the pain in my chest.

“There is a tea you can take to help take the edge off the pain and it will also help to speed things along,” said Tensen softly as he took my hand in his and gently ran his thumb along my knuckles.

I nodded and watched as Koname and Tensen both stood and went to do what needed done. I watched as Koname gathered towels and blankets and few tools I had seen on hand at Ranken and Yuki's births. I watched as she made sure they were near and prepped while I watched Tensen mixing herbs and boiling water. It didn't take long before I was given a cup of brown steaming liquid. I inhaled deeply before I took the offered cup and sipped gingerly from it until it was emptied. I handed the cup back only to be handed another. As I sipped this one the cramps grew more intense and more frequently. I finished the second tea and after an hour the pain continued with the cramping but the sharpness of the pains soon numbed. I felt dazed as I lay down on the furs and looked around the room. Koname did as she had done when I had birthed Yuki, I felt my hakama removed and she began checking my progress. At some point Sesshomaru had gently caressed my head before he stood and left the room.

The pains continued to roll through my body. I begged quietly for it to end. I apologized to any who would listen and it only broke my heart to see the sorrow on Koname's face as she gently patted my thighs.

“I need you to push little one.”

I did as I was asked and pushed into the contractions and soon the pain became overwhelming and I cried out pushing until all the pressure had let up as I felt my pups body leave my own.

Soft mewling cries filled the air and for a small moment I thought a miracle had occurred and when I fought to sit up in search of the sound I was pushed back down by Tensen who sadly shook his head. As the pitiful mewls continued I soon recognized them as belonging to the newborn Ayame had birthed.

My body ached, my heart ached and my mind ached. I lay there listening to those pitiful mewls and I let the tears fall once more. I closed my eyes and brought my hands to my ears as I fought to keep the sounds of the crying pup from them. I sobbed and hated myself for having thought my pup alive. The room had quieted down except for the pups mewls and soon my chest ached, not just my heart…my chest. My body betrayed me as my chest throbbed and a small amount of milk leaked from nipples my pup would never feed from.

Koname disposed of the afterbirth and after a few minutes she knelt at my side holding a small swaddled blanket.

“Is that my pup,” I asked as I eyed the completely wrapped bundle.

Koname and Tensen looked at each other before Tensen nodded and Koname came to kneel at my right. She handed me the linen wrapped bundle which I held like it were glass while I carefully unwrapped. There amidst the pristine cloth was a very small, very male pup. He was smaller than Yuki, smaller than any pup I had ever seen. He barely had the beginnings of hair but what he did have was soft and ebony colored. I stared down at him and memorized every facet of his tiny hands, feet, arms and legs and as I stared I fought the urge to sob once more. I gently wrapped him back up and hugged him against my chest as I softly told him “sorry” over and over.

I felt arms wrap around my body as I cried into my sons blankets and realized by his earthy musk that it was Kouga who held me in his arms. Eventually he let go and I held our bundled son out to him. He lifted him into his arms and did the same as I had. He looked him over, as if committing everything to memory. I watched Kouga and as I did I still heard the sad mewls of his daughter. I turned to Koname and watched as she gently swayed and bounced the little girl in her arms fighting to calm her.

“Bring her here,” and as the words left my mouth I held my arms open.

Koname didn't hesitate. She came over with the mewling little bundle and gently passed her to me. I rocked her gently as I softly spoke to her.

“There now, stop all that noise. I've gotcha.”

I shrugged my robe open so that my leaking chest was exposed and I brought her to my right nipple and watched to see if she would latch on. She was tiny and her mouth even tinier but she fought to get her mouth at the right angle and soon her mewls and cries quieted as she latched on finally pulling the much needed nourishment she needed into her tiny mouth. I watched as she suckled heartily and smiled through my tears as milk gathered at the corner of her mouth while she fed.

I looked down at her and noted her fiery red locks and plump cherubic cheeks and realized she was just as beautiful as her mother.

The room was quiet as everyone watched me nurse the tiny little girl, including Sesshomaru who had reentered the room.

I fed her and burped her and as I stared down at her I realized perhaps we could fill the void in each others lives in only a tiny bit.

To Be Continued…

Sorry for the sad. More good to come, I promise.

Kat