InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Everlong ❯ Disarm ( Chapter 6 )

***VERY IMPORTANT A.N. - Inuyasha's cycles are different in this story. I am aware of the times and effects in the anime, so don't think I'm making a mistake, I just had to change things a little to work with the plot. In time it will make sense, I promise ^_^. Also, the Ookami Foundation… yeah, that's actually not a reference to Ookami-chan, despite how much I admire her. Ookami, as I understand it, means wolf, and there's a society in my story called the Ookami Foundation, or Wolf Foundation. There is absolutely no copying/stealing/other acts of bad will intended. Oh yeah, and the name of the chapter and the lyrics in it are Smashing Pumpkins all the way. Great band. So sad they are no more. Big thanks to my awesomely awesome beta readers, Lilith and VitaniFyreWolf!

Chapter 6- Disarm

The years burn, burn

I used to be a little boy

So old in my shoes

And what I choose is my voice

What's a boy supposed to do

The killer in me is the killer in you

-The Grave Robber-

The muscles of my arms burned because of my condition, straining when normally they would not have. The wood had begun to chafe my hands, blisters forming over my palms as I unearthed more and more ground. It was cold and damp. I shivered.

She gasped and I gaped, stumbling back. The light was so dim, but something was moving. Someone was crying. My stomach was a tangle of disgusted knots. Dull, silver coins were pressed into my hand and I ran. I ran, but the crying didn't stop. It rang in my ears when I tripped. Something was moving… it was moving… crying…

Damn the moon! I was soaked in sweat when I sat upright in my bed, curling over and resting my head in my hands. It was the same as before, the same as the last time and the time before that. It didn't matter how many times my shadows chased after me; it never lessened the shock, or the fear, or the deep, unshakable horror that rooted itself in the pit of my stomach. I slammed my fists onto the bed beside me, unable to quell my shaking, angry that I was succumbing to the same visions yet again. Swearing under my breath, I cast a furious glare out the window, cursing the huge and almost full glowing orb hanging in the night sky, illuminating the camp around me. Here I was, one of the most prodigious working archaeologists and still I was dictated by the phases of the moon; still I suffered from children's nightmares. When I find the Shikon no Tama, my little dependencies and fears are going to be the first things to go.

Heaving a great sigh, I fell back against the mattress, lifting a hand to my forehead and contemplating the work I would have to do that day. The board was waiting for evidence, the pressure increasing each day I searched so hard and came home with nothing. They were growing impatient, their warnings about the end of my funding no longer something I could just toss aside like junk mail. I had to show them something, fast, and having the full moon so close was not helping things. There were still about 24 hours before the change, and my senses were already starting to fail me.

Not that that was such a bad thing, all around. It was actually nice not to be able to smell all of the mold in this place once and a while. My acute sense of smell sometimes came in handy, but more often it was a nuisance. My sight, on the other hand, that was just a pain in the ass to lose. Looking for Shikon shards was much more difficult to do when my range was half its normal distance. And my hearing and my sense of touch… yeah, today was just not a good time to be like everyone else.

***

-The Tree Hugger-

As the deadline grew closer, Inuyasha grew more and more frantic. His flirtation all but disappeared, giving way to his gruff, businesslike nature more and more often. The only time he ever seemed to relax was when he was treating my ankle, but now that my injury was starting to heal and called for less attention, even that didn't seem to distract him.

"It's really nice out, isn't it, Inuyasha?" I smiled warmly at him, tucking a few strands of my raven hair behind my ears. We were sitting out on the makeshift porch of his office with my foot in his lap, trying to enjoy the unusual balminess of the morning.

He didn't even look up, seemingly intent on the gentle message he was giving my ankle. "Yup."

I sighed, my gaze flitting out over the treetops. "Don't the trees look pretty, swaying in the breeze like that?"

Aside from the careful stroke of his fingers, he remained motionless. "Yup."

I glared at him crossing my arms over my chest stubbornly. "Is that all you're going to give me? One word answers?"

He glanced up at me, and I was happy to see amusement dancing in his golden eyes. Anything but that frustrated look of determination. "Probably."

I smirked, glancing down at the dusty old book I held balanced in my lap. I had to admit that Inuyasha's encampment had a very extensive collection of documents from the feudal era. Recently I had been inspecting diaries and journals to see if I could come up with any new leads for our search. "Hey…" I said finally, flipping open the text and tracing my fingers down the yellowed pages. "Remember the other day when I suggested we try another technique to impress the board?"

"Uh-huh."

I raised an eyebrow, frustrated by his distant tone. "Well, I was thinking… you know, the shards are really small. They're very hard to find."

"I hadn't noticed."

What was wrong with him? He seemed much less alert than usual, and although he was responding (if you could even call it that) I had the distinct feeling he wasn't even listening to me. He had been acting strange all morning. I huffed, continuing half-heartedly. "Well, I was thinking maybe we should start with something bigger… we just need to show the board some evidence that the Shikon no Tama really exists."

He looked up from my wound, regarding me with cool skepticism. "Bigger? How much bigger?"

"A whole lot bigger," I answered, finding the passage I was looking for and leaning towards Inuyasha to show it to him. "This is the diary of a young girl from a ninja village. She wrote about how all of her people were killed by a hoard of youkai, and how she and her younger sister were the only ones to escape, fleeing to the Taijiya to seek training."

"I've read that before," Inuyasha nodded thoughtfully. "But what's your point?"

"It's just that…" I bit my lower lip absently, trying to collect all of my scattered thoughts. I had read so much material that it was difficult to put it all together. "The Taijiya's village is mentioned remarkably often in the journal, and in several others that I have read. And wasn't the cave where Midoriko supposedly rests protected by the Taijiya?"

Inuyasha ran a hand through his long, silver hair with a sigh, obviously not understanding what I was getting at. "Yes, but the Shikon no Tama is not there anymore. It never completely returned after the exterminators handed it over to the archer-miko."

"I know," I stated, closing the book with a hollow thud. "But wouldn't finding the Taijiya village be a better place to start than searching for miniscule pieces of rock? Don't you think the board would be impressed if we found the village the Shikon originated in? Especially if we found the cave! And Midoriko's body!" I started to get excited, gesticulating wildly as my voice grew in volume. "If the Shikon no Tama existed, then the Taijiya must have existed too, and finding a town and a cave has got to be easier than finding a Shikon shard!"

Inuyasha frowned in thought, clasping his hands behind his head and leaning back in his chair. "You just might have an idea."

I grinned, taking back my foot and shoes. "If we find the Taijiya, the board will have to renew our funding! And if we use some old maps, we should be able to meet the deadline!"

Inuyasha clicked his tongue, propping his legs up on the porch railing and leaning back in his chair. "Ah… maps. That's the part where this gets tricky." He looked at me, raising an eyebrow at my apparently bewildered expression. "You know Kagome, sometimes I wonder about you."

My heart sped up at his piercing gaze. I always felt like I was under a microscope when he looked at me like that. I tried to make my voice sound innocent but it came out rather startled. "What do you mean?"

He smirked with a slight shrug. "Since Kaede recommended you, you must be some kind of archaeological genius, but you sure have a way of concealing it." Shaking his head scoldingly at me, he stretched, yawning once before explaining. "Accurate maps from the feudal era are incredibly difficult to find. We had some once, but…" he trailed off, his expression turning grim as his gaze shifted to the horizon.

I waited for him to continue, but he seemed lost in his thoughts. "But?" I pressed. "You had some, but…?"

"There was a fire," he stated flatly, not even a hint of emotion tinting his voice. "I… we lost a lot." His startling golden eyes slid slowly from the rising sun to lock with mine, and he fixed me with a glare that clearly marked the end of that topic.

I swallowed heavily, almost squirming under the thick blanket of tension that had settled over us. I exhaled in relief when I caught sight of a postal worker approaching us, here to bring our weekly mail shipment. I was thankful for any escape from our uncomfortable silence.

Inuyasha nodded grimly when he was handed a thick stack of letters and a few packages were placed carefully at his feet. I watched the hard, cold expression on his face slowly fade into a dull curiosity, and then a thoughtful, wry smile. He cleared his throat, extracting a single thin envelope with embossed loopy writing from the pile and sighed. "Maybe we could have access to maps, after all. How are your seduction skills?"

~~~

I giggled in delight, my fluffy pink bunny slippers slipping and sliding over the hardwood floor as I skidded into our living room. My eyes danced with excitement as I took in the stacks of presents and flowers littering the area: on the coffee table, tucked between the rocking chairs, piled on empty couch cushions. A wealth of pastel wrapping paper and curled ribbons invaded my senses, mingling with the sight of miles of soft pink and blue tissue paper and gently bobbing balloons.

It definitely wasn't Christmas, and it definitely wasn't my birthday… my brow knitted in thought, trying to discern what occasion was responsible for so many beautiful gifts. A new holiday, perhaps? I decided it didn't much matter and l lunged for the nearest bright box, fingers curled in preparation to tear off the paper with incredible fervor.

"Uh-uh, Kagome," a sweet, amused voice laughed into my ear as my mother's familiar warm arms slipped around my waist and lifted me into her embrace. "These aren't for you, they're for the baby."

I pouted in disappointment, glancing down at my mother's stomach from where I was perched on her hip. Over the past few months she had grown larger and larger around her middle, her sleek, slender figure swelling up like a bee sting. There was a baby growing inside of her now: a new baby, my new sibling.

My mom loved surprises. She didn't want to name the baby until it was born. "How can you name a baby until you have seen what color its eyes are, what its voice sounds like, how soft its hair is?" she always said. "How could you pick a good name without knowing these things?" My mother didn't even want to know whether it was a boy or a girl.

Most of the time I was happy about the prospect of having a little sibling. I would show them around the yard, where to pick strawberries, where to find the fat yellow slugs to play with and where to steer clear of the grumpy, graying skunk that prowled around our garbage cans near the sidewalk. I would be a good big sister, a very good one.

Other times, I was afraid. I was afraid of what it might be like to not be the only kid in the house. I was used to always being the center of my mother's attention. I was used to being the light of the household, the joy of the family. How much of that would I have to share with my younger brother or sister? Times like these did not help calm my anxieties… when there was an endless sea of presents and not one of them was for me.

My mom set me down on the thick, green carpet, bracing her lower back so she could kneel in front of me. "Are you excited?" she asked me with a bright smile. "Are you ready for the party?"

I bit my lower lip, nodding dumbly as I watched her finger the lacy hem of my periwinkle party dress. I liked grownup parties because all of the adults would always gather around me and comment on how "darling" I was. I knew this time it was not going to be the same. I knew from now on it would be the baby who was so "darling."

My eyes blurred when she smoothed her thumbs over my tiny patent leather shoes. Would I have to give my shoes, my clothes, my toys to my new sibling? Would I have to share everything? How much? How much of my mother would I have to share?

I wanted to cry, but I smiled instead. My mother wanted me to smile. Her friends were arriving soon. Suddenly parties seemed more like performances than get-togethers. I wondered how many other people would be crying behind their smiles that night.

~~~
***

-The Grave Robber-

"A party?" Kagome questioned quietly, her gaze soft and steady as it turned towards the window.

"You've got to be kidding me," Miroku laughed, sending another orange dart sailing into the corkboard behind my desk. He raised an eyebrow, cocking his head curiously. "You were never one for parties."

I sighed, nodding sadly as I ran my fingers over the thin, elegant invitation in my hand. "I'm still not," I mumbled, glaring at the off-white cordless phone beside me. "They're just an excuse for rich people to get together and show off. If I wasn't so desperate, I wouldn't even consider this…"

Miroku made a face, clearing his throat skeptically and flopping into an overstuffed easy chair. "You really think this is going to work?" he eyed me dryly, shrugging a bit. "You expect to go waltzing in there and receive access to the chairman's library upon request?"

"I don't dance," I deadpanned with a sigh. I rolled my eyes darkly, running a hand thought my thick hair and letting my bangs spray out over my forehead. "No way in hell. You know as well as I do that I'm not going to win any popularity contests with the Ookami Foundation. I-"

"The Ookami Foundation?" I glanced over at Kagome when she voiced her curiosity. She was leaning against the wall, watching me pace back and forth in front of the phone with some semblance of casual interest.

"It's an elite society for traditionalists," Miroku explained. "Invitation only… very prestigious. You've got to be a rich, male native."

Kagome huffed, obviously turned off by the exclusion of her sex. "And they're inviting you to their party. Why?"

She wasn't wrong to be confused. I was male, my ancestors were natives, but rich… not even close. Just because Sesshoumaru was rolling in dough doesn't mean he shares any of it with me. Not that I would accept his charity anyway. If I were half as rich as the members of the Ookami Foundation, then I would have paid someone else to find the Shikon no Tama and give me all the credit. "They make a big show of patronizing 'up and coming' archaeologists and scientists and the like… they think it makes them look charitable and involved in the 'youth of the nation.'"

"The leader also has an attachment to seeing his smile all over the media," Miroku added with a smirk. "He's always looking for the next big thing, hoping to get his fingers in on the publicity."

Kagome still looked unsatisfied, new questions clear across her features. "But you're unpopular with them?"

I shrugged, tapping my fingers idly against the edge of my desk. "They've been inviting me to their shindigs since I entered college. They make it pretty clear that they don't think I can find the Shikon… maybe they just want me around for comic relief."

"And Inuyasha reacts to that with his usual charm," Miroku added with a wink.

"Keh," I dismissed, my chest puffing out a little in a blatant defense of my pride. "They'll just feel all the more stupid when I find it." I thought that would settle things, but their lines of vision slid together once more before settling on me skeptically. "What?" I snapped, throwing my hands up in the air. "You think I don't know what people think of me? In case you hadn't noticed, I have a very keen sense of hearing." Kagome cracked a smile at that, and I relaxed significantly. There was something about that small twitch of her lips that always seemed to set me at ease. The fact was disconcerting to me, as was the way she arched a single thin eyebrow and tugged absently at the hem of her shirt when it began to rise slightly, revealing the smooth, fair skin of her midriff. Disconcerting, and distracting. So distracting…

I perked up a little when I noticed Miroku looking at me expectantly, obviously waiting for me to respond to something. I yawned, scratching the back of my head in an attempt to disguise my preoccupation. "Sorry Miroku, did you say something?" Damn Kagome, it's all her fault.

Miroku shook his head at me hopelessly. "Keen sense of hearing, eh?" He smiled when Kagome giggled, and I shot him a warning glare. "I was just wondering how you plan on convincing the Ookami Foundation to grant you access to their extensive map collection."

"I'm going to go to this party, be a little more polite than usual…" Miroku opened his mouth to offer some negative comment, but I raised my voice and finished. "And I'm going to bring Kagome."

"Oh ho ho!" Miroku grinned wickedly. "That's just low, Inuyasha."

"Why is that low?" Kagome objected defiantly, stepping away from the wall and closer to the two of us. "I'm his partner. Of course he'd take me."

"Oh no," Miroku shook his head in some attempt to stifle his bubbling laughter. "He's not bringing you because you're his partner. He's bringing you because the chairman of the foundation has… a thing for cute girls like you."

Kagome gaped, looking absolutely outraged. "Are you serious? Inuyasha! Is that what you were thinking?"

I shrugged, pausing in my pacing and running a hand over the phone receiver. "Hey, it's for the cause. Take one for the team."

Kagome's hands fisted at her sides angrily, and I smirked. She was adorable when she was angry. "How dare you even…. gah!" she shouted, storming over to me. "I'm a scientist. I mean, I'm an archaeologist! Which is kind of like a scientist!" she babbled. She babbled all too frequently for my taste. "I am not about to be groped so you can get your hands on some moldy old maps!"

She was standing directly in front of me, straining on her tiptoes so that her nose almost touched mine. I reached up, running a thumb over her cheek gently and flashing her my most winning smile. "You know I would never let him touch you."

Miroku scoffed and Kagome blushed, backing down and taking a step back, turning her face to the side defiantly. She didn't say anything.

"Look, I just need you to smile at him, maybe play a little footsy. He's a perv, not a rapist. If we play our cards right, we can gain access to the foundation's library in no time." I cocked my head, making a perfect imitation of a pleading puppy dog. "What do you say?"

She blushed again, pursing her lips together and kicking the toe of her sandal repeatedly into the floor in irritation. "Fine, but the minute he does anything fishy, I will slap him. Chairman or no chairman."

I smiled, nodding in agreement. "Fair is fair." I picked up the phone, flipping open the invitation and preparing to dial in our reply.

"So this explains that seduction comment you made earlier," Kagome scolded. "Do you really think this is going to work?"

Miroku nodded emphatically. "Oh yeah. When Inuyasha used to bring Kikyou, the chairman was just a pile of putty. She always got whatever she wanted." Miroku suddenly paled when I froze, realizing a little too late what he'd just said.

Kagome's face fell, and I didn't know whether to strangle Miroku or comfort her. Poor girl constantly being compared with someone she'd only heard of. She sighed, looking at me questioningly. "Kikyou again?"

I shook my head, punching in the numbers angrily. "Never mind. I'm going to RSVP."

***

-The Tree Hugger-

I glanced at my watch, finding it difficult to read the dial even with the full moon and all the stars for light. It didn't matter; the heaviness behind my eyes was enough to tell me how late it was. How late it was, and no sign of Inuyasha. Sighing, I plucked absently at the damp grass beneath me. Was he that upset about the mere mention of Kikyou? Such slip-ups had occurred before, and I hardly thought they warranted a pause in our stargazing, but the empty space beside me in the clearing indicated that I was wrong.

It's not as if I was unfazed by the whole thing. I never liked feeling like a replacement, or feeling like I was second best. I was beginning to discover that whoever Kikyou was, I was filling in all of her old duties, including it seemed, buttering up the chairman. I was never one for sucking up… I would probably pale in comparison to her past efforts.

My thoughts were interrupted when someone abruptly took a seat beside me, and I turned with a grin, only to discover Miroku and his wandering hands, sliding over my back… I swatted him away, rolling my eyes and trying to conceal my disappointment. What was he doing here?

"Inuyasha's not feeling well," he said gently, stretching out on his back and gazing into the night sky. "He wanted me to come let you know."

I sighed in relief, glad at least that Inuyasha wasn't angry with me for some bizarre reason. I nodded slowly, licking my lips slightly. Maybe this was not my place, but I felt I deserved to know… "Who was Kikyou?"

He shifted, surprisingly comfortably. Miroku never seemed to get that stiff awkwardness that Inuyasha did when it came to this topic. "She was Inuyasha's partner about a year ago. She was a brilliant woman, absolutely brilliant. Beautiful, too." He tilted his face to look at me, smiling gently. "You know, you look almost exactly like her."

"Yeah, I've figured that out," I groaned through clenched teeth. "She was just his partner?"

"No, of course not. If she was just his partner then we would be able to talk about her all we wanted without Inuyasha going all iceman mode on us, eh?" He made a disapproving face. "She was Inuyasha's fianceé."

So that I was it. I knew it had something to do with that; it had to. Like Miroku said, if it had been anything else speaking of her wouldn't have been a problem. "What happened to her?"

Sighing, he clasped his hands and used them as a pillow beneath his sky-turned head. "Inuyasha doesn't really like people to know about it. He went to great lengths to make sure the press didn't get wind. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy."

I bit my lip, my hands clenching in the grass. "I'm sorry for asking."

"No no," Miroku answered gently. "No, don't be sorry… you know, Kagome, not talking about things doesn't make them go away."

I know. Oh, I know.

"It just makes them grow under the surface, and fester," he continued. "I really think if Inuyasha didn't try to deny so many things… I really think if he just accepted that it's OK that she's gone…" He shook his head. "As much as I want this all to be out in the open, I think I better respect his wishes. Mind if I change the subject?"

"That's fine," I answered quietly. It's OK that she's gone…?

He smiled gratefully. "How about you tell me one of those famous stories of yours?"

I took me a minute to clear my thoughts, the cool night air biting at my bare arms as I rubbed my hands against them in an attempt to warm myself. I thought for a moment, drawing my knees up to my chest. "Once I was at a party, when I was little. A baby shower."

Miroku was quiet, his eyes flicking from star to star as he listened intently.

"And I was upset because I was not the center of attention like I usually was. I was so upset, but I hid it because I did not want to ruin the party for my mother." I did not tell him it was my mother's shower. I did not want him to ask any questions. I did not want to give any answers. Perhaps Inuyasha and I aren't so different… perhaps we both just love to let things fester. "I sat down in a corner and tried not to cry, and no one noticed."

I took a deep breath, angry when tears pricked my eyes. This was ridiculous. It was nothing to cry about. It was so long ago… over and done. "Then there was an old woman, one I had never seen before. She sat down in a rocking chair next to me and smiled, and she looked so kind… so warm and so kind. She told me I was a pretty little girl… she told me I would be pretty when I grew up too. She asked me what I wanted to do when I was an adult. I told her I wanted to find the Shikon no Tama."

It seemed strange to be telling this to Miroku. I hadn't thought about the occurrence in years… it had been tucked somewhere in the back of my mind. It was terribly ironic to be thinking about it now, now that I was grown up, now that I was compared to someone beautiful, now that I actually was searching for the Shikon no Tama. "She asked me why."

A lump had lodged itself in my throat when I lost myself in my memories, all of my senses overloaded with recollections of that night: the way the lighting reflected off the champagne glasses, the smell of the cocktail sauce, the taste of my own tears. I remembered looking at my mother then, filled with a desire so strong I couldn't name it. "I told her I wanted to find it so that I could wish, so that I could make sure I was never separated from the people that I loved."

It was too late for that, now.

My lower lip began to tremble, and I choked, biting down so hard to prevent my cries that I drew blood. After a moment, my shaking abated and I came back to the present. Noticing that Miroku was now upright and stiff with concern, I raised my gaze to meet him. "Do you think," I whispered, "that Inuyasha would wish for the same?"

It was too late for that, now. It was too late for me. It was too late for Inuyasha. Perhaps we weren't so different after all. Perhaps we both just loved to let things fester. Perhaps we both did not want to admit the separations we convinced ourselves we could have prevented.

***
-The Grave Robber-

I did not leave my room until I was sure Kagome and Miroku had both returned to their tents. This was difficult, as I had to squint, straining under my impaired vision. After that, I slipped out into the night, blending better than usual; my dark hair was not quite the beacon that my silver hair was.

I wandered to the far end of the camp, drawn to the blackened ruins on the outskirts more tonight than I had ever been. There wasn't much left anymore. The books and the maps had been lost completely, and all that remained were piles of rubble and splintered wood. The fire had been disastrous; the entire building had gone up in flames.

I used to come here every night. It distressed me that I no longer felt the need. People always tell you that the best cure for a broken heart is a new woman. It seemed that was true… as much as Kagome had reminded me of Kikyou when she first got here, it became clear that the two were as different as they were alike. My thoughts of Kagome seemed to take over… I hadn't thought about Kikyou for a while, and I hadn't come to this spot as a result. I felt guilty. How could I forget her? How could I think Kagome could fill her space?

I shook my head angrily, flopping down onto the charred earth, something catching in my throat. It was Kikyou's fault. There was no need to mourn her. She had been the one to betray me. She had been the one to force us apart. She had been the one to walk in there…

I didn't cry like I usually did, though I was only a few steps away from breaking down. I was sure my composure was due only to the fact that it was that one night… any other I would have been able to see the scraps of fabric in with the rubble, any other night I would have heard the echoed screams brought to life from my memories.

Any other night I would have been able to smell her among the ashes.

Oh, the years burn, burn, burn