InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Every Day Is Halloween ❯ An invisible man sleeping in my bed ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

 

 

Chapter four: An invisible man sleeping in my bed

 

 

 

 

Turning my space heater on as soon as I got home, I’d encouraged Inuyasha to soak up as much energy as he could, asking him to also save his energy for the following day and to only use our knocking code for communication until then if at all possible. Dinner was a peaceful affair, and then once I’d retired to my room – which was again much cooler than it should have been with the heater running – I’d bade Inuyasha goodnight. I received two knocks in reply. Grinning to myself, I left the space heater on and drifted off into a peaceful, specter-free sleep.

 

The following morning it was time to get our show on the road, and I was ready to go, my laptop fully charged, as I awaited Kaede’s call, which hadn’t been a long wait. Then I was out the door, Inuyasha and I making a return trip to where it’d all started, for me at least: the graveyard.

 

Kaede said Tsubaki wouldn’t stand for any more ‘foolishness’ in what was technically her house, now, and she and I both knew the school was out of the question during the day, since we’d never have the privacy we needed, even on a Saturday, and so the graveyard had been our only viable option, really, since Kaede’s daughter was such a bitch.

 

That was okay; I hadn’t really had any desire to see her again, anyway. I’d just hoped that Kikyou wasn’t going to drain my laptop’s battery, but I had brought my car charger for it, just in case.

 

Meeting Kaede in the parking area, we walked together making pleasant small talk on our way to Kikyou’s grave. I let her lead the way since I’d only been there the once, and I admittedly hadn’t really been paying that much attention to where I was going at the time, following my friends in the dark like I’d been. It didn’t take us long to find Kikyou’s grave, since Kaede knew exactly where it was, and I immediately noticed that the groundskeepers had cleaned up our mess, not that I’d actually expected to see the remains of our candles and Kikyou’s photograph still lying around after sixteen days. Without that lingering evidence of our séance, the area had actually seemed almost...peaceful, in a morbid kind of way, of course.

 

“Okay, here we go...” I said more to myself, trying to shake off my nervousness.

 

I immediately felt Inuyasha give my hand an encouraging squeeze. It was reminiscent of my very first physical contact with him, except it hadn’t left me feeling frozen and on the verge of passing out. He was much stronger by that point, and no longer needed to tap into as much of my own energy in order to fuel himself as he had on Halloween, plus I think I’d also become more and more in-tune with him over the last couple of weeks and so it was also becoming easier for me to feel his presence without him having to exert as much effort. I had a gift, yes, but it was one that I hadn’t used in roughly fourteen years, and so just like any other muscle I’d needed to exercise that special part of my psyche in order to make it stronger, as well.

 

Whispering a thanks under my breath for his show of encouragement, I’d told Kaede in that moment that Inuyasha and I were ready whenever she was, and I let her get things started, then, as she nodded my way before speaking up, asking Kikyou to come forward.

 

“Sister, it is I, Kaede,” she began, apologizing to Kikyou for having waited so long since her last visit, which had been several years ago. “I’m sure you are here. Please, come and speak with me, please.”

 

“You again...” I heard Kikyou say all of a sudden, her tone annoyed. “Leave my sister alone.”

 

“She’s here, Kaede,” I said, after realizing Kaede must not have heard Kikyou’s words since she hadn’t reacted at all.

 

“What did she say?”

 

“She asked me to leave you alone.”

 

Kaede didn’t hesitate to jump right into it.

 

“Kikyou, Kagome is here at my request. I ask that you please allow us to speak with you,” she began. “She is aware, now, aware of what Naraku told you. She knows now that she had been wrong all this time, in believing that you thought as the rumors at school say, that you died believing Inuyasha had personally been the one to kill you. She now knows the truth behind what you have told me many times, of what Naraku told you. She knows it is true that Naraku did tell you this, that he told you it was Inuyasha’s desire for him to kill you on his behalf, and that you know it was Naraku’s hand that held the knife.”

 

I saw Kikyou’s ghost appear, then, her form slightly transparent and sitting on her headstone of all things, looking as if she were bored, or perhaps just tired.

 

“Naraku told me....” she said, her voice still sounding distant, not necessarily coming from the location of her image.

 

Kaede heard her that time, I know, because she responded.

 

“Yes, Naraku told you, and Kagome knows that too, now, because Naraku told her, as well.”

 

She passed me a look, and I immediately spoke back up, meeting Kikyou’s eyes since I could see her.

 

“I spoke with Naraku, Kikyou. After you said that Naraku told you, I went to him, since he is still alive. I’d wanted to know what he told you. I’d wanted him to tell me, too, to know what had really happened, and if the stories on campus were wrong, and I filmed it, Kikyou. I filmed Naraku and what he told me, and I would like to play it for you, if you will watch it. This isn’t me trying to tell you anything, Kikyou. All I want is for you to watch a movie, and to listen to what Naraku has to say.”

 

She glared at me, but didn’t otherwise respond, and Kaede looked my way with the silent question in her eyes, since she had only heard Kikyou’s voice the once and couldn’t see her apparition. I told Kaede in that moment that Kikyou hadn’t said yes or no, but that she was still with us, and so I was going to go for it, as I took my laptop out of my bag and fired it up, silently praying that Kikyou actually would watch the video.

 

To keep Kikyou distracted and/or mollified while my computer booted up, Kaede immediately began speaking to her again, telling her sister how much she loved and missed her. I noticed Kikyou’s eyes soften at Kaede’s words, her scowl disappearing as her form became a tad bit more solid looking, and I was grateful for the fact that, bitchy girlfriend or no, Kikyou apparently loved her sister.

 

Getting my video program open and pressing play on the desired file, I sat my laptop down on the grass facing Kikyou’s headstone and backed away a few paces, letting it be more of a Kikyou and Kaede moment. Since Kaede hadn’t seen the video either her curiosity soon got the better of her, as she moved herself into position to watch the footage as well, and it was a fascinating experience for me from my place observing off to the side, as I watched both sisters’ reactions as Naraku’s tale unfolded. By the time the recording got to the part where Naraku was speaking to Kikyou directly, apologizing for all that he’d done, Kikyou’s spirit had moved away from her headstone and was standing directly beside Kaede, although whether the elderly woman was aware of her sister’s presence beside her I wasn’t sure.

 

Then Naraku began apologizing to Inuyasha, and Kikyou looked away from the video, peering over in my direction, but with apologetic eyes for the first time instead of the nasty glare she’d always previously given me. Her eyes met mine for a brief moment, then her gaze shifted off to the side slightly. Sensing his presence at the same time, I glanced beside myself and watched, unsurprised, as Inuyasha’s ghost slowly materialized, his eyes full of sorrow, but also joy and relief, as he and Kikyou spoke silently back and forth through their locked gazes.

 

Kaede continued watching the video until it ended, and then as if snapping out of a trance, she wiped a few stray tears out of her eyes and did her best to mask her emotional state by joking that she was an old woman who didn’t understand computers, as she picked up my laptop and handed it to me as I approached. Shutting it down, I closed it and put it back away in my bag, all the while silently wondering what was going on between Inuyasha and Kikyou, since both of their ghosts had disappeared by that point. I’d been hoping that he wasn’t going to just up and leave without even saying goodbye, although I’d been happy for him either way, that Kikyou was no longer angry with him for something he hadn’t done. I’d felt a weird knot in my chest at the prospect of never seeing him again, but arguing with myself that I’d known going in that my goal was to help both Kikyou and Inuyasha find peace and move on, his peace stemming from Kikyou finding peace, I’d congratulated myself on a job well done and had silently wished him the best.

 

Filling Kaede in on what all I’d witnessed with their apparitions, she’d started crying again, obviously tears of joy, as she thanked me for everything I’d done for her and her sister, and Inuyasha of course, stating that she fully believed that I had been sent to them, like I was some sort of an angel or something, and that finally, finally, it seemed clear that Kikyou’s misery and suffering had come to an end. Saying our goodbyes once we reached our cars in the parking lot, Kaede vowed to stay in touch, and saying I’d like that, a lot, I then watched as she got in her car and drove away before finally snapping out of it and getting in my mom’s car for my own trip back home.

 

The drive back home had been silent, since I hadn’t had anybody to talk to and I’d decided to leave the stereo off, as I’d quietly contemplated everything that’d happened and everything Kaede had said. Maybe I had been sent to them, and my gift had to have come from somewhere, right? Obviously, there was life after death, so it’d be pretty foolish to not believe in some kind of divine higher order, I’d decided then. If this really were my calling, then I probably wasn’t supposed to stop with just Kikyou and Inuyasha, either, I knew, but I’d decided in that moment to take my destiny one step at a time, or one ghost at a time, whatever the case may be. I wasn’t feeling confident enough yet to go bursting into known haunted locations going behold, ghosts, I am here to save you, but if another lost soul just happened to find its way to me, well...I’d cross that spiritual bridge when I came to it, I’d decided then.

 

Coming back home, I gave Souta and Mom the good news. I explained how I didn’t know anything for certain, yet, as far as whether Kikyou’s soul was still tethered to Earth or if she’d been able to ascend to some higher plane, but at the very least I had felt confident that her misery and self-torment was over. Her misguided hatred towards Inuyasha was over. If that’d really been all that was keeping her here, then I’d imagined that she’d be moving on, be that to Heaven or just some other dimension, I wasn’t sure and wasn’t going to question. It didn’t really matter, I’d figured, if you wanted to look at things from a more religious angle or a scientific one. I figured some questions I’d never know the answers to, until it was my turn. In the meantime, my game plan from that moment onward had been to just continue with my schooling as normal, I’d told them, saying that whatever would or wouldn’t happen in the future regarding my gift, we’d find out when the time came.

 

My mother had told me again how proud she was of me, and then we let the subject go, and I kicked back at home, or at least tried to, watching a couple of movies with Souta and just generally trying to keep my mind occupied.

 

Getting in the shower before bed, all of my pent up emotions started coming out, but trying not to cry, and actually getting angry with myself for feeling so selfish when I knew I should have just been happy for Inuyasha and not miss him as much as I did, I’d sucked it up and went to bed with a false bravado. Reciting silently in my head that e-mail forward that’d been going around a few years back about how people came into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, I’d felt that in this case they – he – had come into my life for a reason, and with his purpose fulfilled it was time for the both of us to move on to our separate destinies.

It was no wonder, with thoughts of Inuyasha plaguing my head, that I’d wound up dreaming about him that night. The dream had been random, just glimpses of moments of he and I talking, and it hadn’t followed any logic. Waking up early the next morning, I’d immediately known that it had only been a dream, that it hadn’t been the real Inuyasha come to say goodbye.

 

It’d taken me a couple of minutes to realize how freakin’ cold it was in my room, though, as I huddled underneath my blankets and actually glanced at my window to make sure it hadn’t accidentally been left open or something. I’d neglected to turn the space heater on the night before, I’d realized in that moment, but even so, it should not have been that cold. Not with central heat in the house, which I could hear running.

 

“Inuyasha, are you here?” I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

 

I immediately received two knocks.

 

Unable to mask my relief, I had immediately jumped out of bed and clicked on the space heater.

 

“Sorry I forgot to turn this on last night,” I said, before reaching in my closet for the big fluffy bathrobe I almost never wore, wrapping it around my pajama-clad form.

 

Inuyasha’s image appeared before me then, looking solid, like a real person. His eyes were concerned.

 

“Were you worried I had left...for good?” he asked.

 

“I...I wasn’t worried...but I had wondered if you’d moved on, yeah,” I admitted.

 

“Without saying goodbye?” he asked, his tone incredulous. “I thought you knew me better than that.”

 

I would have apologized for my lack of faith in him, for possibly hurting his feelings, even, but before I could say anything his eyes adopted a teasing sparkle, his lips curling up in a mirthful grin.

 

“You missed me,” he said, chuckling, and forgetting myself, I threw my pillow at him, which passed right through his suddenly translucent body and knocked over my desk lamp, causing him to laugh even harder.

 

His image completely faded away, then, and I cried out with a panicked “Wait!” before I could stop myself; it’d been an instinctive reaction.

 

I stopped cold, both figuratively and literally, when the air around me dropped in temperature by at least ten degrees, as I felt a hand on the back of my neck pull my hair back away from my ear, and then he whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

I felt shivers travel down my spine.

 

“You know, you can be a real jerk when you want to be,” I said. He laughed again.

 

“So...” I said then, changing the subject. “How’s Kikyou?”

 

“At peace.”

 

His voice was quiet and seemed to come from all around me that time, instead of a whisper directly in my ear. I sagged in relief at what he’d said.

 

“Good...that’s good. I’m so glad to hear that,” I replied honestly.

 

“Thank you...for everything.”

 

“It was my pleasure, and I suspect my sacred duty. I’m so very glad I was able to help.”

 

“She said to thank you for her, too, for being as stubborn as her and not giving up.”

 

I smiled at that.

 

“So, has she transcended up into some version of Heaven, or is she still here on Earth as a ghost but just no longer angry?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Putting my left hand on my hip and shaking my right index finger in the air, I scolded, “You’re doing that vague ghostly thing again.”

 

He immediately retorted with, “You’re doing that black and white thing again.”

 

Fair enough.

 

So Kikyou had both transcended and was still on Earth as a happy ghost, at the same time. Remembering how Inuyasha had already told me that he could ‘move on’, if he’d wanted to, and that he had chosen to stay because Kikyou had been trapped, I’d hypothesized in that moment that a ghost whose spirit was at peace, a ‘happy’ soul, could perhaps come and go as they pleased – hence the occasional story you might hear of somebody seeing the ghost of a loved one only once, and years after they’d died, to give them some kind of important message.

 

It was only miserable, tormented souls, who could not enter that higher plane of existence, who were tethered to Earth 24/7 by their own suffering, but if you were at peace and did ‘move on’, it wasn’t necessarily a one-way trip.

 

I’d voiced my hypothesis aloud, and smiled triumphantly when he’d replied with another ‘yes’.

 

Deciding to change the subject again in that moment, I’d told him we’d talk more later but that I was hungry, and grabbing some clothes I headed into the bathroom to do my business and get dressed before heading downstairs for breakfast.

 

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Life became a bit of a blur after that day. Without the heavy burden that was my obsession to help Kikyou weighing me down, I’d been free to concentrate fully on my studies again, and days quickly turned into weeks. I’d even spent a couple of weekends hanging out and having fun with the girls instead of coming back home, although I was still coming home most weekends, so that Inuyasha and I could hang out, instead. I hadn’t asked him why he’d decided to stick around, mostly because I hadn’t wanted to jinx it, but I’d definitely been grateful for his decision to stay rather than move on himself now that Kikyou had. I’d supposed that just like any normal twenty-year-old who’d just spent the last fifty years alone and suddenly had a new best friend, if there were such a thing as a ‘normal’ person matching that absurd description, he’d just wanted to have a friend again, to feel like he was a part of something again; he’d wanted to belong.

 

I never questioned why he hadn’t wanted to ‘move on’ with Kikyou, since he’d already told me that he had fallen out of love with her long before their deaths, and although he’d never said, I’d supposed it made sense that even if Kikyou had never known that particular detail she’d probably still figured that he’d stopped loving her at some point over the last fifty years of her hating him and falsely blaming him for her death, and so why he had stayed behind had not been a mystery to her for that reason. Whatever he had or hadn’t told her, she’d moved on, which was obviously the most important thing, so the little details didn’t really matter, I’d decided.

 

As far as anybody else that Inuyasha might’ve wanted to see in that other plane of existence was concerned, namely his parents since he’d already told me he’d never really had any friends growing up, since I’d more or less cracked the code that ‘happy ghosts’ could come and go as they pleased instead of the infamous ‘light’ or ‘door’ as a one-way portal showing up to whisk them away as some TV shows have portrayed, I’d figured that he’d probably gone and spoken with his deceased parents long ago, when they’d originally passed on, and so there was no unfinished business there, with them having died but never getting to be reunited with their murdered son. I was sure he’d gone to them to at least let them know he was all right, coming back to Earth afterwards as he’d felt was his duty at that time. But responsibility to Kikyou or no, what twenty-year-old guy would want to spend eternity with his parents?

 

So it was no wonder why he was still hanging around in our world, instead, when you really thought about it. Hell, if I were in his metaphorical shoes, I’d probably tell my dead relatives a quick ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ and then spend my afterlife on Earth hanging out with living people who could see and hear me, too.

 

In fact, as funny as it sounded, since most kids thought about what they wanted to do when they grew up, I’d decided by that point that I knew what I wanted to do when I died. I want to stay on Earth as a peaceful ghost and continue to help other people. Call it an angel, call it an earthbound spirit, but I was put here to help people, I know that now, and I love helping and interacting with others way too much to flutter off into some great universal whatever upon my death when there would still be people here on Earth in need of my help.

 

I’d cross that spiritual bridge when I came to it.

 

Bringing it up with Souta one movie night, he’d jokingly told me that he wanted to stay on Earth as a ghost, too, but as a practical joker, showing up at parties to perform ‘stupid ghost tricks’ and spook the living people. We’d immediately heard a crash from upstairs as he’d said it, and upon investigating we’d seen that another one of Souta’s board games had ‘mysteriously’ fallen to the floor, that time Scrabble, and spelled out in all the spilled blocks it actually said, ‘You mean like this?’

 

He’d even formed a question mark from upside down, blank tiles.

 

Souta had excitedly cried out, “I love having a ghost! Thank you for haunting us, Inuyasha!”

 

I’d heard Inuyasha’s chuckle in response, but my brother hadn’t, as he ushered me back downstairs to get back to our movie, saying he’d clean up his fallen game later. Our movie? Ghost Busters.

 

I know...I was turning into a total paranormal geek. Did I care? Not in the slightest.

 

The days continued to tick by, the official start of winter getting closer and closer, although the steady drop in temperature didn’t fazed me one bit since I’d been spending most days wrapped up in my own little pocket of chilly air for over a month now. I’d taken to wearing sweaters and dealing with it, adjusting to the cooler temperatures the same as I imagined somebody who’d moved to a colder climate had to learn to adjust. The cold air around me meant that Inuyasha was around me, and it was a metaphorically warm and fuzzy feeling, despite the chill.

 

He frequently came to me in my sleep, too, which was a reprieve from the cold, although as predicted if I somehow realized it was a dream I almost invariably woke up not long after. Even so, it was an enjoyable experience to awaken from such a dream and to know that for one brief moment, I’d known. I’d always been mildly envious of people who could have lucid dreams on a regular basis. I told myself to have faith that, like Inuyasha had said, practice would make perfect and I’d eventually master the skill, too, like how I’d already been learning to master my gift.

 

In the meantime, he would sometimes allow me to remain blissfully unaware so that our time together in the dream could last, and although not lucid, those dreams were still very vivid and memorable for me upon waking. We went to the beach, once, and another time we were even at Disneyland. While in the dream I’d made a joke that he could haunt the Haunted Mansion and become the one-thousandth ghost, which I’d thought was incredibly funny at the time until, thanks to my joke, it suddenly dawned on me that he really was a ghost, and then our time together at the Happiest Place On Earth came to an abrupt end as I woke up.

 

Oops.

 

Oh well.

 

Inuyasha had also turned into somewhat of a practical joker, something I blamed my little brother for entirely. Several times in class I’d reach for my pen or pencil only to watch it start to roll away from me and off the desk before I could grab it. Or I’d feel little annoying tugs in my hair non-stop all throughout an important lecture. Once, I’d actually dreamt that it was high school, and he was holding my locker closed, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t open it. He’d been standing right beside me, leaning casually against the lockers with his hand pressed flatly against mine, other students walking right through him as if he weren’t even there, and when I’d begged him to let me get inside my locker he’d told me to say ‘pretty please’.

 

When I’d woken up from that dream I’d grumbled, pissed off, that that had better not have really been him, and he hadn’t replied.

 

Bastard.

 

But I couldn’t stay mad at him, and I couldn’t even pretend that I was. I’d grown to care for him far too much by that point. He was becoming more than just a friend to me, despite myself, which was a personal problem I knew I’d have to deal with, but inappropriate attractions notwithstanding, he was my very best friend by that point, far more so than Eri, Yuka and Ayumi.

 

Sure, I still hung out with them, and it was definitely fun having friends I could speak with in public without having to pretend to be on the phone, but they just didn’t get me the same way he did. I’d realized somewhere along the way that I felt a kind of kinship with Inuyasha that I’d never felt with another person before in my entire life. Certainly not with either of my ‘boyfriends’ back in high school. We might’ve been from two completely different generations, but Inuyasha and I were kindred spirits.

 

It was just too bad that...

 

No, I hadn’t ever let myself complete that thought. What good would it have done, right?

 

Sooooo, with the calendar ticking away, Christmas Day growing closer and closer, it was the Friday before Christmas before I knew it, and I was once again home for the weekend. When I’d first sat down to dinner with my family that night I’d had no idea that my life was about to change, in a good way, forever.

 

Dinner conversation had been filled with the usual pleasantries, at first, as my mother and grandfather took turns asking me about my schooling and grades, while Souta dropped a few subtle questions about my ‘friends’ so that I could tell him that yes, Inuyasha and I were still in touch the same as usual, with it sounding only like we were talking about my doormmates. Then Grandpa had asked me what my plans were for Christmas Eve, and I’d said that of course I would be coming back home again on Tuesday to spend that night with all of them since there was obviously no school on Christmas Day; I’d said I was looking forward to it.

 

The old man really surprised me, then, when out of left field he asked me with a merry twinkle in his eye if there might be somebody else I’d rather spend the holiday with.

 

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?

 

Okay, obviously he didn’t say that part, but that was how the question had felt, and from my own grandfather, no less! Apparently, my ‘secret code’ with Souta for discussing Inuyasha had been more transparent than I’d thought, and so now he thought I had a secret boyfriend I hadn’t wanted to talk about. I’d had no idea how to go about telling my grandfather just how wrong he was, and how while I did kind of, sort of, have a ‘friend who was a boy’, that he most definitely was not my ‘boyfriend’. He wasn’t even alive, although I’d figured I’d skip that part and just try to explain how I was not in a secret relationship I hadn’t told them about.

 

Of course, the thought of Inuyasha not being my boyfriend had caused a nasty little ache to appear in my chest in that moment, which I’d quickly tamped down, of course, masking my momentary discomfort at his innuendo – or at least trying to – by taking a nice long sip of my iced tea, which I’d followed up by laughing as if I’d found his comment amusingly absurd.

 

“Nope. Nobody I’d rather spend the holiday with,” I answered. I’d hoped that that’d be the end of it, but no such luck.

 

“Bah, in my day, a young woman your age didn’t spend Christmas Eve with her parents,” he said, but in a light, teasing tone. “In Japan, Christmas Eve is a more romantic holiday than Valentine’s Day for young couples in love.”

 

“Oh Father, really,” my mom said then, trying to come to my rescue, and I laughed again despite myself, my amusement more genuine that time. I just couldn’t believe my grandpa was trying to hint that I should be spending the night with a boy. My grandpa!

 

I mean, I wasn’t a virgin, but even so, to have my grandfather pushing the whole ‘when are you going to have a boyfriend’ bit was a little cliché. I understood, though. I’m a career-minded girl, and ‘back in his day’ young girls my age were trying to get husbands rather than Ph.D.s.

 

“Jii-chan...” I addressed him then in Japanese, which I knew he preferred. “Honestly, if I had somebody else I could spend the holiday with, I would still come home and spend it with you guys, just bringing my guest along with me, if I had one. I’m not hiding anybody from you.”

 

Okay, so that last part hadn’t exactly been true, but it had been true in the context he’d taken it as, at least. I most definitely did not have any secret boyfriends I hadn’t wanted to bring home yet. I’d introduce him to the friend I’d actually already been bringing home for the last month and a half, but I hadn’t wanted to give my poor ol’ grandfather a heart attack. Especially since, although she’d never told me, I’d suspected my mother’s original disbelief in ghosts had had something to do with how she herself had been raised. If Grandpa was an adamant non-believer then the last thing I’d wanted to do at his age was flush all his truths down the toilet. I’d figured that he and I could talk about it after he passed away, as weird of a concept as that sounded.

 

Apparently deciding to let it go, thank goodness, Gramps just got back to eating after that, shooting me the occasional playful, knowing look, but otherwise not bringing the subject back up again. If he hadn’t believed me, he at least wasn’t going to keep hounding me about it, and for that, I’d definitely been grateful.

 

Finishing dinner, I excused myself up to my room, and Souta followed me, my brother having finished his meal as well.

 

“If only he knew who your boyfriend really was,” he murmured quietly with a laugh as soon as we were upstairs.

 

“Et tu, Brute?” I replied sarcastically. Before he could respond I kept going.

 

“Souta, Inuyasha is my friend, yes, but not my boyfriend. Sheesh, the guy’s a ghost. Give me some credit. Why would I want to go and emotionally involve myself with somebody I can never actually have a relationship with? That’d make me pretty stupid, huh?”

 

In response, he gave me that look again, like he didn’t believe me; the same look he’d given me back when he hadn’t bought the lie that I’d been talking to Eri on the phone. It really pissed me off that he could read me so easily. Sure, I knew I cared for Inuyasha, but I also knew how stupid it was that I’d developed feelings for him. That part was true, at least.

 

“You can’t help who you fall in love with, Sis, and it’s nothing to belittle yourself over. What good do you think it does to deny your feelings? That won’t help you to deal with them,” he replied then, sounding like he should be the one studying to become a therapist.

 

Blushing, I yanked Souta into my room before Mom or Grandpa overheard us, and then hissed “Okay, I might have a crush on him, but I’m not in love with him. Give me a break.”

 

Even as I said it, I knew the tone of my voice and the look in my eyes had betrayed me.

 

Longing, hopelessness...

 

I...I love Inuyasha...

 

My brother’s eyes were sympathetic, his tone caring.

 

“Maybe he feels the same way,” he supplied, and I snorted.

 

“I don’t doubt that he cares for me, we’re friends, but I don’t think ghosts even work that way. I mean sure, Dad’s spirit was probably still in love with Mom, sort of, but I think it’s more of a pure kind of love when you’re a ghost, you know? The emotional connection; that part is still there. The longing you feel in your heart to be with that person, as-in, be in their presence, to simply be around them, that part’s still there. But there’s a whole other side to it when two living human beings are in love, Souta, and it does me no good to waste time entertaining those kinds of fantasies.”

 

“You never know what might-” he started.

 

I’d interrupted him.

 

“Oh, yeah, maybe I can masturbate while he talks dirty to me,” I replied sarcastically. “Or better yet, maybe I’ll die in a car accident so that he and I can go off and share eternity together.”

 

I didn’t like how gruesomely appealing a minute part of myself had found that second scenario. I was not, and am not, suicidal. Souta seemed to understand that I hadn’t meant it seriously, though, and he politely chose not to comment on my first scenario.

 

“Well, whatever does or doesn’t end up happening between you two, just know that I think that true love can transcend all obstacles.”

 

“That’s truly inspirational,” I told him, not really sarcastically since I had thought that it was downright awesome of him to be defending my emotions like he’d been doing. “But I’m pretty sure I can guarantee you that my feelings are one-sided, so I’m just gonna have to settle for true friendship transcending all obstacles.”

 

It was still super awesome being best friends with a ghost, after all.

 

It was just too bad that, for some obscure reason, the fact that my ghost friend was almost certainly in the same room as us while we had that conversation had momentarily slipped my mind. Inuyasha reminded the both of us of his presence in that moment when we heard the sudden click of a pull chain as my ceiling fan came to life. Both Souta and I jumped, startled, and then I felt my face flame with humiliation as I realized he’d undoubtedly heard every word we’d said.

 

In that moment I’d actually felt torn with multiple reactions. A part of me was pissed that he’d been eavesdropping, but then the rational side of me had also known that he probably hadn’t been able to help it, or that even if he could have left to give Souta and I some privacy he probably hadn’t realized what we were discussing until it was too late. And then what warm blooded man, deceased or otherwise, wouldn’t want to listen in to a woman’s confession of love, right? I was sure he’d felt flattered, and was going to let me down gently. I didn’t need his pity; I didn’t need him to tell me all of the various reasons why it wouldn’t, couldn’t work between us. I already knew. I’d always known.

 

God...I’d loved him for so long.

 

“I...uh...I’ll leave you two alone...to work things out,” Souta said then, quickly excusing himself as he rushed back downstairs. Coward.

 

Rubbing the palm of my right hand down my face and exhaling slowly, trying to blink back the sting of tears, I said sardonically to my empty room, “Thanks for reminding me of your presence before I made an even bigger fool of myself than I already have.”

 

His apparition formed, full-bodied and opaque, in the back of my room, by the window, and in that moment I found myself wishing, only for a split second, that I didn’t have my gift. I wouldn’t have seen him then, or maybe I’d have seen the quick blur of a shadow person, but that would’ve been it. I didn’t regret my gift, though. How could I? It’s what allowed Inuyasha and I to become friends, and I wouldn’t have traded our friendship for anything. I was glad I had the ability to see him; I just hadn’t wanted to see him right in that very moment in time.

 

He opened his mouth, about to say something, but I raised my hand to cut him off and spoke first.

 

“Please, spare me whatever gentle let downs you’re going to give. I know it can’t work. I know I’m an idiot for letting my heart rule over my head. And I know I’m just going to have to get over it. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, I really don’t, so let’s just pretend we’ve already had the heart-wrenching ‘I love you as a friend’ speech and move on, all right?”

 

The look in his eyes, I hadn’t quite been able to decipher the emotions running through him, but the fact that he’d been deep in thought was obvious. He seemed to feel sorry for me, which I’d anticipated, but there had also been a determination shinning in the depths of his chocolate orbs that I hadn’t understood.

 

“Kagome...” he said then, and damn, just hearing the sound of my name on his lips made my heart flutter.

 

I felt my eyes tearing up again.

 

“I...I need to be alone right now,” I said as I grabbed some clean underwear and pajamas and ran out to the hall bathroom.

 

I’m not exactly sure why I’d felt the need to take a shower all of a sudden, but hot water had always been soothing for me, and maybe it was because the water running down my face would mask the feel of my tears. Maybe it was because underneath the sound of the shower stream my family wouldn’t hear my quiet sobs. The bathroom had become my sanctuary since I was never alone in my bedroom anymore, and I most definitely had not wanted to request that Inuyasha leave me completely in that moment. What if he never came back? So he could stay, I’d wanted him to stay, and I’d had every intention of rejoining him in my bedroom more level headed in twenty minutes or so. I’d just needed a moment alone to collect myself first.

 

The actual act of showering only took me a couple of minutes, as I scrubbed myself down on auto-pilot, and then I’d just stood there, letting the water cascade over me, washing away my pain and humiliation. Standing under the hot water longer than I normally ever would have, I pulled all of my hair down over my left shoulder and leaned forward, head down, hands on the tile, just letting the water run over my naked body as I tried not to cry. I needed to get it together.

 

I nearly shrieked when I suddenly felt an unexpected, open-mouthed kiss on my right shoulder, as if from someone standing directly behind me. It was passionate. It was personal. It was...hot. Whirling around, there was of course nobody there, but I knew better.

 

“Inuyasha, what-?”

 

I felt a fingertip touch my lips, heard “Shhhhh...” whispered in my ear, and it was so intimate a gesture my knees felt weak and I had to reach up and grab the curtain rod with my right hand to keep my balance.

 

Then I felt a left hand firmly cup my right breast, and it wasn’t my own, although the thought briefly flashed through my mind that I could reach down between my legs, and how deliciously naughty it’d be, but I was still an emotional train wreck and did not need such random, perverted thoughts complicating my confusion in that moment. Was he actually coming on to me?

 

Well, actually, he was being a bit more forward than that, but under the circumstances I wasn’t going to complain. If he’d reached down between my legs in that moment, I wouldn’t have tried to stop him.

 

Not that I probably could have, even if I’d wanted to.

 

Actually, I was entirely at his mercy, and as that realization dawned on me I became even more excited.

 

The sensation of the hand left me, but before I could decide if I was relieved or disappointed I felt a gentle kiss on my lips, and then I heard him whisper, “You’re not stupid.”

 

I was dumbfounded.

 

“Inuyasha, you...” He hadn’t interrupted me that time, but I let my words trail off, anyway, my unfinished question coming off loud and clear.

 

“Yes, Kagome,” he replied. “I love you, too.”

 

His image started to appear before me, then, and even though the logical part of my mind knew that he’d obviously already been able to see me even when he’d been invisible, or more accurately when he had been ‘everywhere’ and not yet fully concentrated into a single location, seeing a man suddenly standing in the shower with me had still had me instinctively making a grab for the shower curtain to cover myself.

 

“Get out...” I hissed, my cheeks aflame, and as he disappeared I swear I saw the sparkle of his eyes and grinning teeth last for a fraction of a second longer than the rest of him, like the Cheshire cat.

 

Then I heard the sound of his chuckle, my only warning, before the shower curtain was suddenly yanked out of my hand and I felt two hands firmly cupping the sides of my face, a pair of lips pressed passionately against my own. I almost allowed myself to melt into the intimacy of the moment, but then the air in the shower turned icy all of a sudden, and with goosebumps erupting on my body I pulled myself out of his hold so that I could go back under the hot water, cranking up the heat as I shivered.

 

“Fuck...” I heard him grumble, his voice more disembodied now, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the natural, human reaction. As if a ghost could suffer from blue balls. I snorted in amusement.

 

“Sorry, I can normally stand the cold, but not when I’m naked and wet!” I apologized sincerely but with a laugh, and not wanting to be a total mood kill, because I had definitely liked what he’d been doing, I added brazenly, “Let me just get it nice and steamy in here, and then we can continue.”

 

“Or you could go to sleep,” he said then, and as realization dawned on what he was probably suggesting I felt my cheeks heat back up again.

 

Or maybe it’d just been the steamy bathroom making me flush.

 

“O-okay...” I replied, uncertain, as I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower.

 

The mirror was fogged up, and then, right before my eyes, the words ‘I always peeked’ appeared on the glass.

 

Squeaking, I toweled off and got dressed in record time, his amused chuckling causing my cheeks to darken even further. Glancing back at the mirror once I was dressed, those words were actually gone and in their place it said ‘You’re beautiful’ and whatever questions I’d had, whatever uncertainties had still remained, had disappeared as quickly as the words on the mirror, as the glass cleared, and with it, my mind.

 

Doing as instructed, I went to bed, intent on going to sleep, which I’d quickly found out was easier said than done with so many different thoughts running rampant through my mind, despite my newfound clarity. With my mind racing, my heart pounding in my chest, and the both of them playing games with me and warring with each other over what was right and wrong, or what even made sense anymore, I tried, and failed, to find solace in unconsciousness. Blissful sleep wouldn’t come for what seemed like hours, as I’d lied there, wide awake, unable to shake the feeling of not being alone, of knowing that there was somebody else in the room with me, watching me, waiting for me to fall asleep.

 

His presence wasn’t as comforting, all of a sudden, seeing as he was the cause of my sudden anxiety. It wasn’t that I didn’t want him there, but suddenly, instead of him just being my resident ghost friend, he was...becoming something more, and I was a girl who’d never had much past success with that something more and so I’d felt like I was rapidly approaching uncharted territory. Realizing and learning how to deal with the fact that I’d been born with the supernatural ability to communicate with the dead had been a cakewalk compared to the nervousness I’d felt in that moment, as I’d realized that not only did I have feelings for Inuyasha, but he had feelings for me in return.

 

Here I’d been scolding myself in private for the last month for falling for a dead guy, thinking about what an idiot it made me and how the girls at school would tease that it meant I desperately needed to get laid, and how they could never find out about my foolishness for that very reason, and then he’d gone and revealed that he’d developed feelings for me, as well.

 

I hadn’t known whether to laugh or cry, or both.

 

I think I’d been in shock. And as I’d lied there I’d started to wonder when it’d happened, when he’d fallen for me. Lying there in that moment, I’d known that since I hadn’t told my girlfriends about my developing emotions for him that it had to mean that Inuyasha hadn’t known how I’d felt about him, either, until I’d gone and outed myself earlier that night with Souta’s help, and figuring that if he’d actually had feelings for me for even half as long as I’d had them for him, I’d realized in that moment that it was no wonder why he had come off so aggressively all of a sudden.

 

He’d probably felt as relieved as I was quickly beginning to feel, as happy as I was beginning to feel, and so knowing that I was putting myself down for my feelings because I’d thought them one-sided, he’d done what he’d done to make damn sure I knew that he did indeed feel the same way. I had to hand it to the guy; direct and to the point was such a wonderful way to work things out. Screw subtitles.

 

Eventually, sleep claimed me. It was inevitable, after all. I’d welcomed the sensation.

 

Opening my eyes, or so I’d thought, the air in my room had had an unusual stillness to it, the light set at a peculiar, romantic glow, like from candles, except there were none. It hadn’t dawned on me that the light in my ceiling fan couldn’t be dimmed. Dressed still in the pajamas I had worn to bed, I hadn’t realized at first that I was dreaming. I’d thought, as most people do when they ‘wake up’ in their dream, that I was in fact awake, believing it the next morning. My mind immediately took me back to what I perceived as the night before, of the moment when I’d realized that Inuyasha shared my feelings, of what had happened in the shower, and I’d felt my pulse quicken as my cheeks heated up, wondering if he was still with me, there, in my room.

 

As if summoned by my thoughts, it was in that moment that I saw a shadow move out of the corner of my eye, and turning my head to focus, instead of disappearing, like a shadow person would for most people, I saw him standing there, watching me. He was dressed in his Halloween costume, as was always the case, but this time the mask was included; an unexpected bonus, which I’d found both mysterious and sexy.

Climbing out of bed, I’d approached him slowly, and he’d remained still and speechless. Standing directly before him, I’d reached up with both hands as if in a trance to untie his mask, pulling it away from his handsome face.

 

Check that. His absolutely gorgeous face.

 

“Much better,” I said, and then looking down over his entire form appreciatively, it only took me a couple of seconds to realize he was no longer wearing his old time-y suit but was instead in a normal pair of jeans and a t-shirt, barefoot.

 

“I agree, this is much better,” he’d stated then, and I got the distinct impression that he’d always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. One more thing we had in common.

 

“Wait...you can change clothes?” I’d asked, surprised. “Why haven’t you ever done that before?”

 

“You noticed?” he’d questioned back. “I’m glad.”

 

I’d puzzled over his obscure reply, until one possible explanation presented itself above all others.

 

“Is this...really happening?” I’d asked him then, my voice hesitant, unsure.

 

“Does it matter?” he’d answered, the cryptic quality of his response giving me the answer I needed.

 

“This is a dream, isn’t it?” I had asked him then, even though I already knew it was.

 

Smiling, he had replied honestly with, “Yes, Kagome, this is a dream, but I’m real, believe me.”

 

“I do,” I replied, and I’d meant it.

 

“Are you ready to continue where we left off?” he asked me then.

 

“I am,” I answered, and I’d meant that, too.

 

The smile never left his lips as he reached his right hand up to gently cup the back of my head, and as he slowly closed the gap between us, his eyes drifting shut, I found my own eyes closing as well, welcoming the sensation of his lips against my own, as slowly our kiss deepened, the hand on the back of my head tightening into a fist, gripping my hair firmly in his passion as fire ignited between us. My own hands did not stay idle, as I consciously pleaded with myself to stay asleep, to allow myself this moment.

 

Wrapping both of my hands up and around his neck, I gently tugged to urge him to follow me, as I began walking backwards, and reaching my bed I tugged again to make him follow me still as I lied back down against my bedding, bringing him down with me in my refusal to let go. He did not put up a fight, eagerly complying, as he shifted his position to lie stretched out on top of me, both of his legs in between my own, his hands cupping the sides of my face as mine fisted his hair, our tongues never ceasing in their battle for dominance against one another.

 

We stayed like that for I don’t know how long, kissing, touching, my hands creeping their way up and underneath his shirt to feel the hot, lean muscles of his back. His left hand snaked underneath my pajama top to again cup my bare right breast, squeezing gently, and I responded by lightly scratching my nails down his back.

 

Moaning into our kiss, which had almost sounded like a growl in his passion, he broke his lips away from my own but only so that he could slam them against the left side of my neck, as he bit and sucked the junction where my neck met my shoulder, soothing the sting with a gentle blowing of cool air before trailing his tongue up and down the entire side of my throat. That went on for at least a couple of minutes before he’d abruptly stopped and backed away from me, sitting up on his knees.

 

Clearly having decided that my pajama top was a hindrance, he reached for its bottom edge in that moment and tugged, making his intentions clear, and immediately complying, I sat myself up away from the bedding a little and raised my arms, allowing him to pull my pajama top off. Fair was fair, though, and so once he’d rendered me topless I’d immediately made a grab for the bottom hem of his shirt, as well, before he could lie back down on top of me again, and it was then his turn to silently comply as I pulled his shirt up and over his head. Adopting a wicked smile once his chest was bared, he’d reclaimed my lips with his own, then, pushing me back down to the bed below.

 

His tongue relinquished the battle with mine before very long, again finding its way back over to the left side of my throat, even going up into my ear; a teasing tickle that had caused me to squirm. Then trailing his tongue lower, he bathed my exposed breasts, one and then the other, their peaks hardening under his talented ministrations. Arching my back, I’d moaned shamelessly, encouraging him to keep going, which he did.

 

Eventually rejoining my mouth with his own, my only thought had been that I would never, could never tire of kissing him, as I again fisted both of my hands in his long, midnight tresses. Feeling my body heat up with the weight of his own holding me down, it was in stark contrast to the freezing cold I was used to experiencing whenever he and I touched. Knowing it was a dream didn’t hinder my enjoyment of the moment as I ran my hands over his heated flesh once again, as I felt the rhythm of his heart beat in time with my own, our bare chests pressed together skin on skin as he lied possessively on top of me.

 

His hands began to explore my curves, then, tracing my hips, his left hand rubbing my right thigh appreciatively as I lifted my leg to hook it up and around his own. He rubbed his excitement against my center, his grinding making me excited as well, and then apparently deciding that my pants had to go, his hand left my thigh to snake in between our bodies, reaching for the pull string of my pajama bottoms. I shifted my hips to grant him better access, my breath catching in my throat as I felt him slowly, sensually pull the ties loose, tugging gently on the waistband until it slackened.

 

Keeping things fair once again, I decided it was my turn, then, as I reached in between our bodies with my right hand to unfasten his jeans. Teasing him, I reached inside his denim once I opened the fly, gripping the evidence of his desire through the thin cotton he wore underneath. Hissing in pleasure, he once again buried his face in the crook of my neck, licking, sucking and biting the left side of my throat where it met my shoulder. Every time I squeezed harder, his teeth responded in kind, and it sent delightful shivers down my spine. I could only imagine the sensations traveling through his own body, but I had my suspicions as he began rocking gently back and forth in my hand. When his own hand found its way between my legs to return the favor I knew the rest of our clothing had to go.

 

Releasing him to reach for the waistband of my own bottoms, he immediately realized what I was doing and lifted enough of his weight off of me to allow me the freedom of movement I needed to complete the task. He took the moment of opportunity to devoid himself of his own final coverings as well, and with both of our pants and undergarments simultaneously discarded we rejoined, then, his nude body lying fully over my own, flesh on flesh, not yet one in body but already feeling one in mind and soul.

 

Of course, that was probably because our souls really had been merged together in that moment.

 

“I love you,” I said then, softly breaking the silence that had developed between us.

 

He met my eyes, the look in his own sincere, passionate, as he responded with, “I love you, too. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else.”

 

He did not need to elaborate.

 

I closed my eyes as he did the same, as he lowered his lips to mine yet again, and our kiss was slow, heated, bespeaking of the feelings we had for each other. He rocked his hips against mine teasingly, hinting at what was yet to come, and silently telling him the wait was over I reached down between our bodies and guided him home. That was what it felt like for me, as we became one. He was where he belonged, in my arms, in my body, in my heart for the rest of time.

 

We shared eternity that night. I couldn’t tell you how long our encounter actually lasted. That’s what’s so awesome about dreams. We danced the dance as old as time itself for what felt like hours, but in that good, fantasy kind of way. People always joke about songs and poems that mention making love all night long, and how that sort of thing isn’t actually all that it’s cracked up to be in real life, but this wasn’t real life, and that was the beauty of it. It was my dream, my fantasy, mine and his, and it was everything we’d wanted it to be and more.

I hadn’t wanted it to end, and I’m sure, neither had he, but I couldn’t stay unconscious forever and so finally we reached the glorious summit of our climb, the crescendo of our symphony. In unison, we cried out, on each of our lips the other’s name, like a prayer, a promise, and then I bolted awake, sitting upright in my bed, my body drenched in sweat, my heart threatening to fly out of my chest.

 

It was late morning, based on the light coming in through my window. It took me several moments to catch my breath and get my barrings, and when I finally staggered out of bed, on shaky legs, the first thing I noticed when I caught my reflection in my closet door mirror was the massive hickey on the left side of my neck.

 

Staring at the mark not in disbelief, but in wonder, it took me a minute, as I fingered the discolored flesh almost reverently, but then getting a hold of myself I said to my empty room, “I had a good time last night.”

 

I wasn’t about to regret it; not for a minute.

He appeared in the mirror behind me then. I turned around and he wasn’t there, but looking back in the mirror again, there he was, grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

 

My ‘ghost story’ addled mind went from likening my situation to a ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ moment to a ‘Poltergeist III’ moment as he did his mirror trick, but neither reference had been scary to me in the slightest as I met his eyes in the mirror and grinned right back at him. I loved ghosts, I loved my ghost lover, and I would never be afraid of him or what he could do to me in my sleep.

 

Or while I was awake.

It was strangely erotic as I watched the reflection of the invisible man behind me lower his head and kiss the side of my neck, seeing nothing beside me through my peripheral vision. I could definitely feel it, though, as his lips and tongue slowly traced the mark he had left on my skin the night before.

 

I permitted myself to stand there and enjoy it for what felt like forever, my mind blocking out all higher thought as I told myself not to question the moment and just feel. Even as the air grew chilly around me his tongue remained hot, something I’d learned took a great deal of concentration and energy on his part, maintaining the ability for ‘normal’ physical touch. But if it had been pushing his limits in that moment he hadn’t shown it, appearing fully as if he were languidly enjoying himself, like it was no exertion at all.

 

I don’t know when I’d closed my eyes, but eventually I noticed it as the sensation of his tongue disappeared, and opening my eyes, there was nobody standing behind me, in the mirror or otherwise.

 

“Need to rest?” I’d asked.

 

“You wear me out, woman...” he’d replied teasingly, and I’d laughed, before getting serious.

 

We’d needed to talk.

 

“Inuyasha, what...what are we? What can we be?”

 

“What do you want us to be?”

 

“I...I don’t know,” I’d admitted. “But I do know that I love you, and that right now there’s definitely no other guys on my radar, so you’ve got nobody to be jealous of, but can we really make this...thing, work?”

 

“If it’s what you want, we’ll make it work,” was his reply, and I’d found myself wishing he’d just tell me what he wanted, although, thinking about it logically, he’d already done that last night when he’d suddenly joined me in the shower.

 

Still, though, I’d needed to make sure he wasn’t just thinking with his hormones.

 

Did ghosts have hormones?

 

I was confusing myself again.

 

“But is that fair to you?” I’d asked him then. “I mean, shouldn’t you ‘move on’ at some point, or whatever? I can’t expect you to haunt me forever.”

 

“I already told you, I’m not going anywhere...”

 

His apparition formed beside me, looking a little transparent, which was understandable since he’d used up a lot of energy.

 

“...unless you ask me to leave,” he’d concluded then, and my heart ached at the look of absolute love mixed with fear in his eyes.

 

He wanted to stay, and he was terrified by the notion of me telling him to leave.

 

I reached up, as if to touch his face, my hand going right through his cheek and feeling the concentration of cold air. He leaned his face sideways into my touch anyway, as if he could feel me, and perhaps he could.

 

“I want you to stay. I want to make this work.”

 

The look in his eyes became so passionate, then, and he rushed forward, seemingly pulling me into a hug except he had no form. I gasped at the sensation, like cold electricity had enveloped me, was inside of me, and then just as quickly as the icy tingles came they were gone.

 

“Need...to rest...”

 

Nodding my understanding, I’d clicked on the space heater in my room for him and then gathered up some clean clothes to take into the bathroom. I needed another shower.

 

`````````````````````````````````

 

We’re taking things one day at a time, Inuyasha and I, but just like Souta had said, true love transcends all obstacles. Am I being a complete moron, trying to have some semblance of a ‘healthy’ relationship with a dead guy? Maybe. But I try to look at things from his perspective. Inuyasha has told me, during quiet talks at night, that he lives in fear, in a manner of speaking, that one day I’ll come to my senses; one day I’ll realize that I can’t have a real life with a ghost, and I’ll leave him for somebody else. Somebody living.

 

Does that mean I’m going to stay with him out of guilt? Of course not.

 

I’m with him because I want to be. I’m with him because I love him. But knowing that he has that fear in the back of his mind reassures me of his own feelings for me in return. It also reassures me that I’m not the only idiot in this relationship; it’s yet one more thing we have in common, our shared and misplaced fear.

 

He has nothing to worry about, and he’s assured me of the same, and yet the both of us still keep a speck of worry in the back of our minds nonetheless. I worry that he’ll get bored, and I also feel guilty for my mortality, since he’ll have to watch me grow old while he stays the same, though don’t worry, I’d never do something as foolish as kill myself, and he’s forbad me from even entertaining the notion.

 

But besides all that, I worry the most that one day he’ll leave me because he thinks it’s the ‘right’ thing to do, like he’d be setting me ‘free’ or some other such nonsense. I’ve made him promise, reinforcing his own original vow from our first ‘morning after’ together, that he’ll never leave me for my sake, unless I ask him to. If I never tell him that I want us to break up, which I never will, then it means I don’t want us to break up.

 

He’s not trapped with me, of course, and could also tell me one day, if he wanted to, that he wants to leave, but he too has sworn that that’ll never happen. I appreciated the irony of it all. Each of us, in our true love for the other person, worries if it might be in the other person’s best interest that we call it quits, for their sake, and we’re both willing to let the other person go, for their sake, because our love is that strong, while at the same time we’re both ordering each other to not dare do something so foolish.

 

Peas in a pod.

 

So with each of us trying our best not to focus on that pesky, lingering worry, we’re doing our best to pretend we’ve got a perfectly normal, healthy relationship. I’m pretending my boyfriend is alive, while he, too, is pretending, and experiencing what it’s like to still be alive vicariously through me. I’ve finally mastered the ability to stay asleep even while knowing it’s a dream, I think from my strong desire to be with him in my dreams, and he does indeed come to me in my sleep, nearly every single night. Most nights we make love, but sometimes we just talk. Sometimes we go out on a date, eat dinner, watch a movie... They’re just imagined experiences taking place solely in our own heads, of course, but they certainly feel real enough at the time, and really, that’s all that matters.

 

My mother knows that Inuyasha and I are together now, and she’s told me, perhaps with a bit of motherly worry in her eyes, that she just wants me to be happy and so she’ll support whatever decision I make if I feel in my own heart that it’s the right one. Grandpa thinks I have a casual, college boyfriend I don’t want to talk about, and for the time being I’m letting him think it. Maybe one day I’ll confess the whole ghost thing to him, but I’ll have to edge into it with baby steps. That’s on my back burner of worries, right now. Souta of course is thrilled, and he’s promised to keep it a secret. I plan on telling the girls, but I haven’t muscled up the courage yet.

 

So what does the future hold in store for us in the long term? Who knows? All I know is that I love Inuyasha, he loves me, and presently we’re in a happy relationship. It’s not perfect, but what relationship is? At least, unlike that brief human/ghost romance on the American version of Being Human, Inuyasha can actually touch me, and, at least in my dreams, I can touch him in return. That’s better than nothing.

 

Of course, I would have still wanted to be with him even if we couldn’t actually be together, so I consider it a fun bonus, that I don’t have to worry about being physically deprived; I definitely don’t feel neglected sexually. He seems to be quite the horn dog, and it’s no wonder why, when you think about it, since in my dreams he can experience physical pleasure as well. He’s got fifty years of celibacy to make up for.

 

As far as actually settling down, getting married, raising a family...like I already said I’m a career-minded girl, and having children had never really been on my to-do list in the first place. I’m perfectly content with staying single in the eyes of the world and focusing on my profession, instead, and as far as my secondary profession goes, of being a therapist for the deceased, while I probably won’t go public with it like the father in the Casper movie it’s definitely something I can do on the side.

 

I feel confident enough, now, to go to known haunted locations, so my game plan is to start small, spend the night at haunted hotels under the guise of being a regular tourist, and hopefully, with Inuyasha’s help, the two of us can get to the bottom of whatever’s troubling whomever’s haunting the place. We’re going to take it one day, and one ghost, at a time, but he’s told me that he’s proud of me for even wanting to do it and that he’ll be there with me every step of the way. At this point in time, it’s just not something that I can ignore.

 

I’m iffy about labeling myself as a medium, because I do want to be taken seriously as a regular therapist, too, but I’m going to try my best to make it work, and do both. I still have to finish college and get my degree before I can do anything else, obviously, so right now I’m going to focus on my studies during the day, enjoy my nights with Inuyasha, and let whatever happens come my way with open arms. My name is Kagome Higurashi, and my story is just beginning.

 

 

~ Fin ~