InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Father's Favorite ❯ Monkey See Naraku Do ( Chapter 15 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Ah, once again I'm tempting the unthinkable. But if it's unthinkable, then how is it that I've done it several times? That means I've thought about it on many occasions so it's not unthinkable. Okay, enough with that! Anyways, sticking to my word again and updating two chapters! Can I get a hip-hop horray, ho, hey, ho...ooooookkayy then.... (and no I wasn't calling any one a ho. Felling guilty?:)
Sesshomaru wasn't interested in the rest of the carnival anymore after his near sickening ride on the ferris wheel. He knew that there was something that he needed to talk to Naraku about, but his mind wasn't functioning well at the moment. So instead, he allowed the still baboon-clothed demon to lead him around to the other rides.

The second thing they rode was the Gravitron, another wheel like ride that spun extreamly fast. It's passengers were held onto the sides as the wheel tipped from side to side and even spun vertical and horizontal. All directions but upside down. Naraku was still as giddy as a school girl, chatting to everyone he came across. Sesshomaru simply remained quiet for fear of barfing on someone.

Unfortunatly for him, realization of the ride he had just boarded didn't strike until the damn machine was moving. He was vaugly aware of the hiss as it rose off the ground and of the clouds moving a little above average speed. Naraku looked at him and mouthed, "Here we go!" Sesshomaru gave a whimper, closed his eyes for dear life, and for the first time, began praying.

"Dear heavenly Kami, please let me have the strength after this to kill Naraku. First of all, I need those damn baboon paws. Second of all, he's my arch enemy, so why the hell am I riding these damn rides with him in the first place? And third of all he owes me twenty dollars. The bible says "get yo paper". Well, I intend to. In Buddha's name, amen." And yeah, I'm aware that there is no bible in Buhhdism; it's for humor's sake.

During the whole ride, Sesshomaru sang to himself to ease his tension, his favorite line being the first line of the chorus from Rihanna's song "Unfaithful", going "I don't wanna do this anymore..." Naraku looked at him like he was crazy, but he didn't notice. Nor did he notice the fact that he was getting yet more stares for singing the song. He also prayed again for a Final Destination 3 accident to happen and he just die rather than enduring such a torture. "This is worse than that time I went on that date with Oprah. She's rich and she still left me with the bill, ain't that a bitch!"

A/N: Don't ask me why I'm doing chapters about carnivals (perhaps because last year was the first time that I'd been to one since I was about seven and I'm seventeen now), but anyways. Sesshomaru's method of calming himself is the exact thing I did when I rode the rides last year. I sang the very same song and could identify with that very line of the song. Kind of strange doing that and yet my little brother (who's fifteen) was yelling "Amanda, open your eyes!" Yeah the fuck right! And die of fright? I don't think so!

He was so enamored with his silent cursing of his date that he didn't notice when the ride was over. He got off with a jubilant feeling. Gone was the motion sickness. He smiled to himself, then grabbed Naraku's sleeve to keep him from going anywhere else. "We need to talk," he said in his ear. Naraku gave him a confused look, then a sad stare. "Oh, god. Don't tell me you're coming out of the closet! Sess, I don't think I could stand that!" "Um...right. Look Naraku. There's something that I need from you. I can't think of anywhere else to get it so...looks like you're going to have to be the one to give it to me."

Naraku's breathing got extreamly fast. He pulled an inhaler out, lit the bottom, then took a puff. Sesshomaru cocked an eyebrow but said nothing on the matter. "Naraku, I--" "Hold up a sec," Naraku held up a finger to stop him. Pulling out a beeper (damn he went back with it!), he read the screen the swore. "Shit, it's my baby's momma." He then pulled out a cell phone and dialed a few numbers.

Six rings later, he could hear a high pitched woman's voice on other end. Naraku didn't give her time to warm up and started chewing her. "No, I said that I'd be home at six! It's only four-thirty! What the hell you mean I missed Cody's soccer game?!... The damn thing wasn't until Saturday!... What?!... He was disappointed?! Soccer's the most boring fucking sport in the whole damn world!... Tell him, I don't give a damn! Like I'm supposed to care!...Oh, you want a divorce? Well, shit I think that's the best decision you've made in your entire life!...Oh, you think yours was marring me? Happy we're on the same page!...Bitch, don't make me put anthrax on a Tampax and slap you till you can't stand!" Naraku angrily hung up.

"Oohh, she makes me sick! Always wanna question a brother." Sesshomaru whipped his head around at him. "What?!" Naraku acted like he hadn't seen him and headed off in a random direction. Far be it for Sesshomaru to try to get involved with his evident baby momma drama, so he kept his mouth shut about the conversation Naraku had just had. Instead, he cut in front of him to stop him from going anywhere. "We still need to talk." Naraku huffed.

"I need your monkey paws." Naraku stared at him with a wide-eyed expression. "You need my what?! Oh, hell no!" He pulled off the baboon pelt and threw it on the ground. Rather than making a break for it, Sesshomaru stopped to see what he was going to do. Naraku put his fists up, ready to box. This wasn't Sesshomaru's style. He kicked him in his monkey paws.

The spider went down groaning. "You ho ass bitch!" he seethed, grabbing himself. Sesshomaru sucked on his index finger, then twisted it around in Naraku's ear, giving him a wet Willy. He went over to the discarded pelt and picked it up. Examining it, he noted that there were no sleeves, therefore no paws to be had. Oops... He looked over at the writhing Naraku. "Ah, damn man. My bad. Here, let me make it up to you. I want you to have my vintage pleather boots. Go on, try them, they're real...um, pleather."

Naraku didn't touch them. Instead, he slowly got to his feet and limped off toward the carousal. Sesshomaru put back on his pleather boots and followed, curiously wondering what a grown man would want with such a childish ride. They waited patiently in line for their turn, but the man who operated the ride denyed them access. "Look buddy, your too old for this kind of thing." "But the sign says you have to be at least three and a half feet tall. I'm six foot two." "Yeah, and so is my grandma but you don't see her trying to get on. Then again, she's at the nursing home and they have more security there than at a Nelly concert. But that's beside's the point! You're not riding!"

Sesshomaru was a bit elated at the turndown. He grabbed Naraku's sleeve to drag him away, but the spider wrenched away from his grasp. "No! I want to ride!" He began screaming this at the top of his lungs like a toddler. "I WANT TO RIDE! I WANT TO RIDE! I WANT TO RIDE!!!!" "NOBODY GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU WANT!" the man screamed at him. Naraku was on the hush mouth. Giving a nonchalant shrug, he said, "Okay," then left.

At the appropriate entrance to the carnival, they said their fare-wells. "Guess I'll be seeing you around then," Naraku said. "Yeah, maybe. Hey, I planning a game night with Kouga, you in?" The hanyou thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, if I can't come up with a new way to kill your brother." Sesshomaru grinned and nodded. "You and me both. Oh, and make sure to bring your Dueling Monsters deck with you." They gave a one armed hug, the kind guys give to show when greeting each other. "A'ight. Catch you later." Naraku said, then rose up to the sky with his ominous black cloud and saimiyoshou surrounding him.

And still he didn't have any monkey paws! But he knew he had caught his break when he saw a small monkey walking by with a water sprite. What was left of Chokyukai's entourage. He smirked, then walked up to them. Without warning, he grabbed the monkey, twisted its neck, then cleanly sliced off the paws with Toukijin. The water sprite was screaming its ass off and Sesshomaru couldn't afford to have people looking. He did away with the water sprite as well. Whistling to himself, he headed back over to the pig pens and dumped the bodies in the feeding troughs. A smooth criminal.


Okay, and there it is! So, I updated two chapters at a time! Kind of hard work considering I was only half feeling the chapters, sorry. Still, I hope it was funny enough. Please review and tell me what you think!