InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Flailing Dreams ❯ Chapter 1 Waiting. Dreaming. ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter 1 Waiting. Dreaming.

It was complicated, her love. Twisted and turned and flipped inside out, her heart suffered the most. All those heart-wrenching moments that she saw, all the pain that she had to endure, just to stay true to her love, maybe it had no meaning to him. Many times, she felt that he didn't care, didn't even try to soothe her anguish. If anything he did that seemed of good intentions, maybe she had mistaken his accidental folly for something good. But deep down, she thought, perhaps knew, that he did share feelings for her.

But how long would it last? How long until her heart would shattered into too many pieces, too many for her to pick up and make whole again? She would try. She would wait.

The Shikon no Tama, the link between her world and his. It was almost whole, only the last shard from Naraku remained. Sango, Miroku, Kouga, Sesshoumaru, even Shippou had helped the original two destroy their ultimate enemy. Inuyasha combined his Kongousouha with her sacred arrow to deal the final blow.

Kagura and Kanna, of course, died with their creator, but Sesshoumaru, with a new light in his heart, brought Kagura back to life. He made her his mate not long after, Kagome knew this. She had known, not long before, that the two shared a kinship, a kind of relationship that went deeper than most humans couldn't begin to comprehend.

Kikyou had been there as well, aiding the group to the destruction of their nemesis. However, Kikyou had used the last of her strength, the last of her souls leaving her as she shot a fatal blow to Naraku, leaving him vulnerable. Her already fading soul gave them a final hope for redemption. The long dead priestess gave her farewells and one last message to Inuyasha, the only one that heard the parting words. His expression told her all she needed to know. He would never see her, Kikyou's soul now forever mingled with Kagome's. With a new determination, Inuyasha merged Tetsusaiga's ultimate attack with Kagome's Sacred Arrow, and Naraku became no more. All that was left of the once menace were the Shikon no Kakera, the last pieces but one.

Long before, Kagome began to think that her journey was almost over. That it could end without a definite warning. Now she was for certain. All that would remain for her to do would be to find the final shard, and her travels would end. She was nothing more than a jewel shard detector to him, just someone that would help him get his ultimate wish. To become a full youkai. That was all he wanted, the supreme power. He wouldn't have to worry about becoming a weak and defenseless human on the night of the new moon. He wouldn't have pathetic human feelings or a conscience to hold him back thereafter. Eventually, she would be a useless deadweight on him and he would throw her away. Possibly, if he despised her enough, he would attack her. His deed nothing short of obscurity, he would have already erased any trace of her from his mind.

This was what Kagome feared. If she truly thought about it, she could recount every memory that she shared with him, every single thought she had whenever he revealed himself. She could tell herself what she felt, even if she couldn't name it. In the moments that they shared, Inuyasha had opened more and more of himself to her. Over the time in which she had known him, she had healed the wounds of his heart, almost sealed the pain of his not belonging. Even with his gruff exterior and arrogant tone, she had changed him. Kagome was the only one that truly ever saw his inner self. Not even Kikyou had the privilege of this seldom show of affection. It was these times in which she felt close to him, not being pushed away.

But no matter how much she tried, she could never get him to admit his feelings for her. It was easy to mistake sarcasm for affection, arrogance for shyness, friendship for love. Without a solid confirmation, Kagome could never know if he ever wanted to return her feelings. Sango and Shippou urged her to tell him what she felt. They were for certain that he was sure to confess if he knew what she felt for him. Kagome, however, was not so convinced. If she did that, maybe he would reject her, say that she was too pathetic and weak for him. Her heart would be torn apart, unforgivably shattered. It was already breaking with each moment that passed without ascertainment.

But could she continue on without knowing? Could she live with herself being in the darkness of insecurities of her heart? She would try. She would wait.

Now, the group consisting of her, Miroku, Sango, Shippou, and Inuyasha walked through the countryside, hoping to find any trace of what happened with the final Sacred jewel shard that Naraku had possessed. The gang knew that the last shard had to have been in Naraku's possession previous his death.

Kouga, the wolf prince, had willingly relieved his two shards to Kagome before giving one final attempt at capturing her heart. After failing, he bid his farewells to them all, leaving on the note that he had finally chosen Ayame, already knowing what the miko's answer was going to be.

Kohaku, Sango's younger brother, had given Sango the jewel shard in his back before he passed on to the afterlife finally. He had finally remembered, recalled what he had done. He knew that even though he had his body, he was not truly living. He didn't belong in this world, and they both had to accept this. Sango cried, but he told her not to. He would in the end see her, but she had a life to live and complete. She said she would, but Kagome saw how heart wrenched her best friend was. Kohaku passed, and one more person was lost because of Naraku.

At this point, only one more was left. One more fragment that would seal Kagome's future if she didn't act quick. However, now, all she wanted was comfort. To hide from her problems and from the cold winds of the snow.

“Inuyasha,” Sango said, “I think it's a good time to find a safe place to camp out for the night. We need to find somewhere warm or we'll have no chance out here.”

“Keh! Don't you think I already know that? There's a cave near. I think there's a hot spring next to it if I can remember correctly,” Inuyasha said as he trotted through the ankle deep snow.

“Ah, so you do know where we're going… Why did you not inform us of this, Inuyasha?” Miroku questioned.

“Because I've been here before, monk. How else would I know?”

“So tell us, how did you happen upon this spring?”

“Shove it, monk, or I'll shove Tetsusaiga up your ass.”

“I was only making certain of knowledge of this land. It may be possible that you were lost, since you keep looking around hesitantly.”

“Shut up.”

“Kagome, are you all right?” Sango asked looking back at her friend. “You've been awfully quiet lately. You're not sick, are you?”

Kagome was lost in her thoughts when Sango tapped her shoulder. Kagome looked up, half dazed. “Huh? Did you say something, Sango?”

“I was asking if you were feeling okay. You have been very quiet since last week.”

“Oh, I'm fine. A little cold, but never better! What makes you say that?” Kagome tried to put on a convincing smile but it almost turned grim.

“Well, you've been in a daze all day, and you barely ate any of your lunch. I was worried.”

“Oh, don't worry about me. I was just thinking about something. I'm fine, really!”

“Okay…”

Kagome looked ahead and caught Inuyasha's eye. She couldn't discern his expression, but she knew he heard the conversation.

The five reached the cave shortly after, Shippou affected the most.

“A hot spring! A hot spring! Kagome, it's so warm here! We should stay here until spring comes. That way, it won't be so cold.” Shippou threw himself at Kagome, hoping to persuade Kagome into agreeing with him.

“We can't, Shippou. Sorry. Remember, we still have to find the last jewel shard before something bad could happen to it, like a youkai taking it.”

“Aw, but Kagome, it's too cold out there. Can we at least stay for a month?”

“Stop complaining, runt, before I bury you in the snow. Be glad that I actually found this spot or some youkai would be having a fox-sicle in the morning,” Inuyasha said as he went off looking for some firewood for the cave.

“Inuyasha!” Kagome said as Shippou hid behind her and blew a raspberry at the retreating form.

It didn't take long for Kagome and Sango to set up camp. Soon after, the girls had already taken a dip in the hot spring to warm up and bathe, and at the same time knocking down a certain Houshi-sama to appease the suspicions of a certain Taijiya. By the time Kagome had caught any sight of the not-forgotten hanyou, Shippou was already asleep next to her in her sleeping bag, as was everyone else. She grabbed a blanket out of her backpack and then recounted her actions to bring out another one. She wrapped herself in one and walked outside with the other in her hand. She found the suspecting hanyou in a tree above the springs.

“Inuyasha?” she called. She felt a pair of eyes on her but heard no answer. She tried again. “Inuyasha, I know you're up there.”

She heard the shifting of a branch and a red clad inu hanyou fell out of the tree beside her. “What are you doing out here?”

“I saw you out here alone, so I came to see what was wrong. I thought you might have been cold, so I brought you this.” Kagome extended the blanket to him, hoping he would take it. He pushed it back towards her.

“I ain't cold. I'm not weak like you.” Inuyasha folded his arms and held his head high. When he didn't hear her say anything and heard her shift, he looked at her. She was staring at the water, shivering slightly. “Look, why don't you go back inside? It's cold out here and it's late. Go back to sleep.”

Kagome didn't budge from her spot. She clutched both blankets close to her as she shook her head. She mumbled something that Inuyasha couldn't understand.

“What?”

“I can't sleep,” she repeated. Her cheeks were tinged pink lightly.

“Why not?”

She shrugged her shoulders.

Inuyasha sighed. He picked up Kagome and hopped into the tree again. When he reached the branch he was previously sitting on, he leaned against the back of it with Kagome completely against his chest. He spread the second blanket across the both of them and held her close.

“What's wrong, Kagome?” He received no answer. “Kagome?” She remained silent. He sighed again. He couldn't sense anything from her, and it irked him very slowly. Suddenly, the young woman in his arms began to shiver terribly. He could smell the salt as her tears dripped onto his haori sleeves. He turned her around, seeing her distorted face as she cried silently.

“K-Kagome! What's wrong? Don't cry…please don't. Kagome!” Inuyasha tried to comfort her in any way he could, but she wouldn't stop. She continued as she shook her head repeatedly. The shivering turned to trembling and eventually to shaking. He tried to tell her not to cry, to tell him what was the matter, but she would only shake her head as she sobbed incessantly. He pulled her close, hugged her tightly, but still she wouldn't stopped. He could feel the torrent inside of her. He could feel her falling apart, escaping from him. He didn't know what to do. Only gasps and sobs came from her mouth, no words.

He gripped her arms, pulled her to look him in the face. She looked him in the eyes, only managing to say, “I can't. I just can't anymore…”

Finally, Inuyasha's eyes widened as he understood what she meant. The look in her eyes told him all he needed to know. Hesitantly, then firmly, he pulled her to him and placed his lips to hers. She gasped one more time before she surrendered to him. The cries stopped as the tears slowed until they came no more. He unleashed something in Kagome, something that ultimately confirmed her uncertainties. She relinquished all control to him as he directed the chaste kiss that led to something more. What had driven him to calm her, it was the same thing that made him love her.

Kagome held onto him tightly, afraid that she would lose him, that it was all an illusion. If it was real, then her doubts would vanish. The things that haunted her as she dreamed, the things that she dreaded, they would no longer be. All those thoughts that she had about Inuyasha, all the trepidation in her when she began to imagine what might happen afterwards, only the joy in her remained. Her thoughts focused on one thing, how it felt to be with Inuyasha as he kissed her dearly.

Inuyasha pulled away, leaving Kagome whimpering as she missed the feel of their lips connecting, of the warmth that pooled in her stomach. He pulled her closer to him, hoping that she wouldn't start crying again. She didn't. She only sighed happily as her eyes drooped closed. Before Inuyasha had a chance to ask her, Kagome was fast asleep, calm and content to be in his arms.

When Kagome woke up, she at the root of the tree, both blankets draped across her including the red haori. She found Inuyasha not with her but standing on the other side of the springs on a boulder. He was facing her but looking at the sky. The steam hit his face as his expression deepened. He was dripping wet, obviously suggesting he was in the water. Kagome's eyes widened as she saw him muttering to himself. She couldn't hear him and the mist blurred her sight of what he was saying. However, she did catch the last thing he said.

“…Kikyou…”

Of all the things that he could've said, that one word hurt the most. Officially dead once more, that didn't stop Inuyasha from loving the dead priestess. Kagome didn't think, didn't stop for a second's thought. All she did was run, run anywhere but where she was. Away from him was all that mattered. Involved in a love triangle with a dead priestess and an inu hanyou. Maybe…maybe he truly didn't care. Maybe the kiss meant nothing to him but to just stop the bawling of a wretched girl that he didn't care for. Her, it shattered. Her mind, it blanked. Her body only acting on instinct. If only he hadn't played that show of affection on her, if only she hadn't come out of the cave, if only she hadn't known him, she wouldn't have gone through this.

One fleeting thought was left as she fled through the snow.

`I can't try anymore. I can't wait. Not ever.'

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Whoo! My first one-shot! I needed a break from typing my other three stories. I was gonna type more of Forgiving Loss, but I lost my intuition for the day and decided to procrastinate. This one might actually become a potential fanfic, if I get enough support. However, let's just say that this one has no definite plot to it. Just an idea that popped in my head while watching the Cowboy Bebop Movie. Well, gotta go. Bye!

PS I might continue this story if I get enough support from my readers and I get enough time. Jaa!