InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ For Such a Time As This ❯ A Ghost of a Chance ( Chapter 5 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Wingson 
To kill or not to kill, that is the question.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 10.24.2003 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 468 | Status: Completed
To kill or not to kill, that is the question.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 10.24.2003 | Pages: 4 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 468 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: Hello, my name is Wingsong, and I am an anime addict. <--SEE! Not Rumiko Takahashi! Wingsong!
Warnings: Character death, maybe. Shippo being cute and fuzzy. Spoilers for Kikyo season 4 (I think).
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For Such a Time as This
Chapter 5: A Ghost of a Chance
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Kikyo.
Her mind immediately rejected the thought. She barely had been able to stomach what she had done to Kouga, and she knew she was saving his life. To deliberately plan the death of another went totally against everything she believed in.
'You kill youkai every day,' a voice inside of her said.
'They are usually tried to kill me or my friends,' she told it.
'And Kikyo hasn't?' an image appeared in her brain. Inuyasha stood, trapped in Kikyo's embrace, oblivious to being sent to hell. The scene faded and another replaced it. Kikyo, pulling a knife on Inuyasha just seconds after he swore to protect her and defeat her enemies.
'No,' she shook her head violently to dispel the image.
'Can you deny the truth of memory?' her other self spoke acidly.
'Her actions are no cause for my misdeeds!' She protested weakly as she slouched on her desk.
'What are you planning to do to Naraku, then? Ask him politely to stop bothering you and your friends?'
'There is a great difference between her and him. I have never felt a soul more twisted with evil than Naraku's. Kikyo hates, yes, and she is willing to do evil things to achieve her ends, but she is not inherently evil.'
'Then what is the difference between you and her? Your goal is even purer than hers. She wishes revenge; you wish to save. Why can't you use evil means to achieve your goals as well?'
'That's just it,' she thought, frustrated. 'There is no difference between us, really. Her soul is mine.'
'Then the question is this,' he other self concluded. 'Are you willing to kill yourself to save them?'
Kagome sat up at that thought. It made some sense. As Kikyo's reincarnate they shared the same soul. One soul, two bodies. One cursed to a half-life, not really living, not truly dead, forced to feed off the souls of dead maidens. Her soul so twisted with hate that she could never be truly happy. If Kagome did follow through on her idea, Kikyo could be at peace. Her soul would be whole again, and the maidens could finally be put to rest. She could do it. To save them, and to heal her own soul, she could kill Kikyo.
Another image popped into her head. Inuyasha, desperately calling Kikyo's name as she fell from the cliff when she was first brought back. After that image came others. The soft look that came into his eyes as they spoke about the past. The confused, unsure look when they spoke of Kikyo in the present. And the desperate, hunted look that swam to the front when they spoke of the future. The final image, and the one that lasted the longest, was of a black-haired form that almost refused to eat, sitting at the grave of a girl who died fifty years previous, but was laid to rest just the week before.
Her heart ached and tears ran unheeded down her face. She couldn't do it. She couldn't knowingly put Inuyasha through that pain, not even to save everyone. There had to be another way. Any other way.
Her mother stuck her head into the room, saying, "Kagome? You did say you wanted to leave in the morning, and...What's wrong, dear?"
"Nothing," Kagome sniffled. She attempted a smile. "Nothing that wasn't also wrong yesterday."
Her mother smiled gently and gave her a brief hug. "Your friends will be worried if you don't go back now, but tell them to take it easy for a while. I don't want you getting sick on top of everything else."
"Yes, Mama," Kagome said.
She gathered her bag from the kitchen and headed out to the well. She tried not to think about any of her options, not wanting her other self to come up with more reasons to go through with her awful idea. Once she was back in the past she was sure some other idea would occur to her. There had to be some detail she was over looking. There had to be.
"Is anybody there to help me out?" She attempted cheer.
"Hey," Sango called down. "Inuyasha's still sulking, and Miroku's gone to 'help' some of the village women, so I decided to help you up."
"Thanks, Sango," Kagome said.
They started off to the village in relative silence. Kagome eyed Sango speculatively, wondering if she would convince the warrior not to be at the battle. She dismissed the thought almost immediately. Sango had far too much Earth in her. It would be like trying to move a mountain with a toothpick. She thought of her other companions and came to the same conclusion. Miroku was Water, calm and placid most of the time, but an unmovable force when riled. If the kanaaza didn't get him riled, then she was in love with Hojo. Inuyasha was Fire. She could douse the flame today, maybe. It could possibly last until next week, but whatever she did today short of pinning him to a tree would not last the three months till the battle.
She wouldn't chase any of them away even if she decided she could, she thought as she shook off the effect of Naraku's vision. It came down to pure self interest. They might live, but she would be dead several times over within the next three months. Miroku's life, Sango's brother, Inuyasha's love, all were tied up in the death of Naraku, and she would not break those bonds. To do so would be to break their spirits.
Those thoughts led her to wonder why and how she had been able to so easily remove Sesshomaru and Kouga from the equation. Sesshomaru she could easily explain. The opposite to his brother's Fire, Sesshomaru's Ice was given no chance to melt without Rin's kidnapping. Ice froze in place, unshakable in his beliefs. But Kouga? Kouga was Air, and Wind, mercurial in his mood shifts and just as ungovernable. Could her work of the previous day really have made that much of an impression that it chased him away for three months? Or perhaps Miroku and Sango had formed so great a wall that Kouga could not blow through it? That had to be the answer, because her actions could not have been enough yesterday.
Her musings were interrupted by Shippo, who came to politely request her assistance in his relations with Inuyasha. A scolding and an ouswari later, they finally made it back to the hut. Dropping off her bag, she sat right outside and watched Shippo play. Perhaps she could remove Shippo from the scene. But none of the villagers would take him, nor would he stay with them, so near to herself. No. It would have to be a fox pair that would be willing to take him.
'For that to work,' she mused, 'I would have to call them to me. I hope there are some in range.'
But she did not know fox youki, and could not recognize it easily without her powers. "Shippo-chan?" she called. "Can you help me with my lesson?"
Shippo came over and she went to get him a treat to keep him satisfied. Settling him in her lap, she gently bound her aura up in his youki. He felt as if he was surrounded by pure Kagome, warm and loving. Once she had studied him, trying to decipher which part of the kit was fox and which was uniquely Shippo, she sent their combined auras out into the forest and past the village. This was much like searching for Shikon shards, though on a grander scale. On the furthest reaches of her range, to the south west, her senses tingled with the echo of the Shippo in her aura. Concentrating in that direction, she was able to push a little further, and made contact.
She received a questioning note from the pair. Unable to carry words across such distances, she sent her emotional image of Shippo, his joy, his grief, and most of all his need for family and protection. She felt the acknowledgement they sent back and slowly brought herself out of the meditation. She detached herself from Shippo only to find him asleep in her arms.
She nudged him awake. "Kagome!" he exclaimed excitedly. "That was wonderful! Can we do that again?"
"What were you doing?"
Kagome glanced up to find Kouga, and Inuyasha looking at her very strangely. "I, uh," she said.
"She surrounded me, and we went searching for something," Shippo broke in. "I'm not sure if we found what we were looking for, though."
"It was an experiment," Kagome said quickly before Shippo could reveal any more. "I was attempting to search for a youkai I was unfamiliar with. I hoped that by combining with Shippo, I would be able to recognize a fox demon in the area."
"Did it work?" Miroku asked. He and Sango had joined the conversation at the beginning of Kagome's explanation.
"I'm not sure," Kagome admitted, a half-truth. "I didn't know if there were any foxes around." She stood up noticing that it was almost noon.
The experiment had taken far longer that she thought. In a little while Sesshomaru would be showing up, and Kouga didn't seem inclined to fight Inuyasha. She would have to find some other way to get rid of him.
"Kouga-kun," she said, "are Ghinta-kun and the others nearby?" At his nod she smiled. While she thought of some way to get rid of him, she might as well try out her theory when she knew there were wolves nearby. She wasn't sure if what she felt was truly fox. "Good. Then if you'll allow me, I will search for them using the same method-"
"It wouldn't work like that, Kagome-sama," Miroku said. "You already know Kouga's wolves. You would need to have someone that you were unfamiliar with for you experiment to work. Even immature powers can recognize someone you have already met."
Kagome was disappointed, but when she turned to Kouga, he was backing up slowly. At her inquiring glance, he said, "I just came by to check up on you, and since it seems you are doing fine, I'll just...go. Yeah. I need to find Kagura."
A charitable person might call what he did next rejoining his pack. The uncharitable would label it turning tail and running. Kagome turned a questioning glance on Inuyasha for an explanation.
The hanyou saw her and snorted. "For once," he said gruffly. "I understand his running. You couldn't see yourself. It was kinda like the time Shippo's father's foxfire protected you from the Thunder Brothers. You were both glowing blue, but instead of coming from a recognizable youkai, it was coming from inside you. Both of your eyes were staring blankly ahead and were shining blue. It was scary." He began to laugh. "And then you offered to do the same thing to that wimpy wolf! No wonder he turned and ran!"
Kagome huffed. "You're saying he ran because I looked horrible?" she asked as she crossed her arms over his chest.
"I, um," Inuyasha stalled intelligently as he tried to avoid an ouswari. Miroku and Sango began to chuckle.
Kagome soon joined them. "It's alright, Inuyasha," she said. "Let's go have lunch."
Her only reply was another snort.
* * *
Kagome was getting really sick of having her lunch interrupted only to ignore something that she knew she could prevent. This time she had managed to convince Inuyasha to try the experiment, and was able to recognize Sesshomaru, so she was fairly certain that the pair she had summoned were fox youkai. When Sesshomaru came she managed to go outside with the others and restrained herself from going after Rin. She even managed to remain silent in the aftermath of Jaken's appearance. However, she discovered that she had a lot of pent up aggression afterwards. After snapping at Inuyasha twice, and Shippo once, she grabbed her arrows and stormed off, claiming target practice.
She mostly improvised with her targets. At home, the shrine had a formalized target range, not that it was ever used. She was usually stuck inside studying whenever she was at home. After she had blasted the first tree she shot at, she took a deep breath and concentrated on controlling her miko powers when she shot.
Choose a target. Set the arrow in the string. Align it on the bow with her fingers. Draw back. Sight down the arrow. Release. Set the next arrow. Repeat. There was a rhythm to the practice that calmed her nerves. She was still missing one arrow in three, but that was much better than before.
'It would be even better if you imagined those targets as someone,' the voice from that morning suggested. 'Say...Naraku, or....Kikyo?'
She stumbled, and her shot went wild. She gripped her bow tightly. 'I won't do that,' she told that part of herself firmly. 'There is no reason for me to practice shooting her. I will save Shippo by putting him with the fox family. I will not kill her.'
'And are you so sure that they will take him, or that he will go? They won't be here till this evening. What will you change if that doesn't work?'
'Shut up,' she cried. 'I am not going to listen to your reasoning anymore.'
'Just remember, you have that option if the foxes won't take Shippo. If it doesn't work, you can always fix it tomorrow,' and with that, the voice faded from her mind.
Kagome stalked over to her target tree and began pulling the arrows out. Yank. Killing Kikyo was stupid. Yank. Whatever the voice said to the contrary was just wrong. Yank. It was trying to make her do evil. Yank. The whole idea would not work. Yank. The voice was insane to think it would work. Yank. She collapsed against the tree when all the arrows were out. She finally admitted the truth to herself. Killing Kikyo was probably the best idea she had had in a long time. Kikyo was the reason they knew where Naraku was. The battle happened at that time because of Kikyo's information. Prior to that, she did not affect the quest except for occasionally showing up to 'talk' to Inuyasha. If she was going to get rid of someone in order to save everyone else, Kikyo would be it.
That was hard to admit. Defeated, she quietly put away her arrows and headed back to the village. She still had hope. The fox family was due within the next hour, and she could save Shippo at least. Without being asked, she began to help Kaede with the preparations for dinner. Miroku came in as she was slicing some vegetables.
She paused. "Miroku-sama," she asked. "Could I talk to you for a second? I'm done here."
Miroku nodded, curious. They walked along the field in the village. Miroku let her have her space, for which she was grateful. Having asked him to talk, she now didn't know how to begin. Finally she stopped and sat on a bridge. Miroku settled down next to her.
"You are a monk," she began, staring firmly into the water running below her feet.
"Most of the time," he agreed when she showed no signs of continuing.
"How do you justify all the killing that you do?" she finally blurted out.
Miroku thought for a long time. "Most of the things we kill," he finally said, "are youkai, and minor ones at that. Minor youkai are little better than animals, except that they feed on hate and fear. They are evil, and as a monk I have no problem getting rid of evil things. In Naraku's case, it is a matter of survival. As for any other that we come across, I generally try to avoid killing humans whenever possible."
"But what about when you are not sure whether something is evil. Not a youkai, but not a human either," she stopped there, unwilling at this point to hint closer to Kikyo.
"A ghost?" Miroku mused. "When ghosts are haunting people it is generally because the soul is not at peace. My ofudas seal the spirit until we can figure out what is wrong and can set the soul at rest."
Kagome finally decided to lay the entire case out before him, hopefully in vague enough terms so that Miroku would not know specifically who she was talking about. "What if you knew something bad was going to happen, something that would hurt a lot of people, and only you could prevent it. But in order to prevent it, you had to kill someone else. They are not evil, nor is what they did evil, but that act started off the events that led to disaster. Would you kill this person?"
"Are you sure that killing this person would prevent those events?" Miroku asked quietly.
"As certain as I can be," she said. "But killing them would make others sad."
"You must think very hard," Miroku said, "and decide if the evil that would come from murdering Kikyo is truly less than any possible future evil."
"How-" Kagome asked.
"Kagome-sama," Miroku chided. "Who else would you be agonizing over? Other than the Shikon no Tama and Inuyasha, she is the central problem you worry about."
"How can I deliberately kill her?" she cried. "Her soul is mine!"
"But her soul is not at peace," Miroku concluded. "Neither is yours. Nor will they be until they are united again. I'm not even really sure that your powers can mature without a whole soul."
"Can we temporarily combine the souls to make my powers mature, then separate again?" Kagome asked, suddenly wondering if she could save Kikyo after all.
"Possibly," Miroku said after a long time. "It would be easier if it was Kikyo whose powers needed maturing. There is just more space in Kikyo's body for such a transfer to take place."
Kagome opened her mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by a tingling along her senses. "Thank you," she said as she stood. "You've given me a lot to think about, but currently we have some guests arriving."
"What?" Miroku glanced up and seemed to notice the rolling clouds shot through with green lightning.
He began to run back to the hut, but Kagome did not follow. He turned back to hurry her on, but she paid him no mind, staring up into the clouds. The clouds reached a peak and shot a tendril down directly in front of Kagome. Miroku let out a wordless yell and ran forward, which is why he was close enough to hear what followed.
The cloud resolved itself into a youkai pair, man and woman. They were dressed much like Kouga and his pack, but far more colorfully. The animal skins that made up their clothing had been dyed rich colors, ranging from red to yellow to blue to purple. The woman had long red hair that fell straight down her back, braided in places and strung through with beads. The man had shorter hair, and was the first to speak.
"You were not afraid," he asked, more of a statement than a question.
Kagome shook her head. "Shippo tried the same thing when we first met," she explained, "though I have to admit that yours was much more impressive."
The pair smiled and removed the leaves from on top of their heads. Kagome motioned for them to follow as she started to lead them back to the hut. When she reached Miroku's side she murmured, "Don't even think about trying your usual tricks with her. They are a mated pair, and I don't think he would appreciate it."
Miroku gulped and followed meekly behind her. About two thirds of the way to the hut, Shippo came barreling out. "Kagomeeeeeee!" he screamed. "Did you see it? Wasn't it scary? Are you okay?"
Kagome laughed as she caught the child, but her laugh was wistful, somehow. Turning to the youkai pair, she presented the kit. "This is Shippo. He is the one I told you about."
The fox youkai exchanged a glance. "How long have you had the kit?" the female asked.
"Two or three months," Kagome replied.
"You should have contacted us immediately," said the male. "It has been to long. We will not take the kit away now."
"Kagome?" Shippo questioned.
"What the hell are you doing, Kagome?" asked Inuyasha.
"But we go into dangerous situations all the time!" Kagome told the foxes, desperate. "He will die!"
"Are you doubting my ability to protect the brat?" Inuyasha demanded.
"No," Kagome defended.
"You can't get rid of him," Inuyasha declared.
"Why not?" asked Kagome.
"Because I," he paused, "you'll be sad!"
"We could not take him," the female fox shouted over the quickly growing argument. "Besides the fact that it is against the wishes of the pack leader, it has been too long. Bonds have formed that will break the kit if we try to break them. He would lose his parents all over again."
"Pack leader?" Inuyasha asked, dumbfounded.
"We foxes may not travel in pack," said the male, "but we respect the pack hierarchy. You are clearly the leader. I would suggest some discipline for the female for trying to go against your wishes."
"I'm sorry we cannot help you," the female said. "Perhaps if you know the danger you can somehow prevent it."
Kagome merely hugged Shippo tighter as the pair left. Once they were out of sight, Inuyasha rounded on her, saying, "What were you thinking, woman? I can protect the little bastard!"
"Can you protect him from me?" Kagome asked as she walked back to the hut.
No amount of persuasion could get Kagome to explain her statement, though they tried all throughout dinner. She appeared to be in a completely separate world. Her eyes darted between her arrows, Inuyasha, and Miroku, who looked on her with knowing eyes, as if he knew what she was thinking. She moved slowly, mechanically, eating what was put in front of her but not tasting it. When dinner was over, she helped Kaede with the dishes, then stood next to the window as if waiting for something. Suddenly, she stiffened.
"Inuyasha," she said woodenly. "Kikyo's waiting for you."
He gave her an odd look, but obediently looked out and followed the silent summons. Kagome waited until he was lost in the tree, then gathered up her bow and arrows.
Turning to Miroku and Sango, she said, "I have no idea what will happen." She was sure her face reflected the dead void within her. "Follow me. Soon."
With that she left the hut. Kagome was numb. This was a worse feeling than when she first came back here and wasn't certain if it was a dream or not. She couldn't think about what she was going to do, or she would go insane.
It was the only thing she could think about.
All too soon she was at the clearing, and Kikyo was reaching out to touch Inuyasha's face.
"Kikyo!" she cried out. "Stop!"
Kikyo stiffened when she saw the arrow aimed at her heart. Drawing back, she loaded her own arrow and pointed likewise. Inuyasha, predictably, stepped in between them.
"You dare defy me, girl?" Kikyo said coldly, not relaxing her stance.
Kagome closed her eyes briefly and made her final decision. Apologizing silently to Inuyasha, she whispered a soft ouswari. As soon as the hanyou was out of the way, she fired, calling up to the heavens a silent prayer for Kikyo's soul.
Kikyo knew as soon as she saw the hanyou drop what was going to happen. She fired a split second later. Both arrows flew truly. Kagome's went through Kikyo, and she dissolved in a burst, crumbling to dust. Kikyo's hit Kagome just to the left of the heart, piercing a lung. She flew back into a tree and collapsed on the ground.
It hurt. Her lungs screamed with every gasp of air that she took. She coughed up blood, and began to panic when she saw the red droplets on her hand. Frantically she looked for Inuyasha, but he was crouched over Kikyo's ashes.
"Inuyasha," she called out weakly. She could barely hear her own voice. "The well." There, that was better. "You have to take me to the well."
He turned, and the pain in his eyes made her want to cry, but she had no energy for it. His eyes widened, and he ran over to her, gently supporting her back as he laid her carefully on the ground. He swam and faded in her vision, and she blinked, trying to clear it. Her sight remained black.
"I'm sorry, Inu...yasha," she whispered.
The last thing she heard was the clank of the rings on a monk's staff.
"The....well...."
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A/N: Goodness gracious that was hard to write. I had no idea going into this that repeating the same day three times was going to be so difficult! Other than that, I am evil, aren't I? *Runs to hide* Please remember before you start poking me with sharp pointy things that I am a firm (almost) Inu/Kag fan. Its just....gonna take a bit.
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Review responces:
FF.net
Aamalie: Home again? Were you somewhere else? Yes I stuck Kikyo with pins, but there always has to be a retaliation....
Moonsilver: I confused you again? *Sigh* I thought we had it all cleared up! It will be a bunch of things, or at least she'll think so. But it will really be only one small thing....grr, now I'm confusing myself.
Sammyosa92: It is hard for me to write, sometimes, but reviews help a lot! *Hint hint* I hoped you liked what fluff I could inject. I'll warn you that that's gonna be the last fluff for a while. It gets pretty angsty from here on in.
Alden Hawke: I think the sad fact is that, in fanfiction, there are stereo types, and minor characters or difficult characters get forced into one dimensional roles. Once that happens, the characters are no longer fun to write, and they get ignored. Other than that, I am a fan of a good alternate pairing, though I don't consider myself good enough to write those. I would recommend Thunk as an author. She still has Kag/Inu, but her other pairings are...interesting...to say the least.
sarah h: Nope, this story isn't AU. Though I might write one in the future. Those are fun merely because they are your favorite characters in totally new situations. But only if they are done right. I am glad you like this story!
Mediaminer.org
Mikey B23: I am glad you like the fic. If you like Trigun (which you said when we talked on aim) might I recommend Cowboy Bebop and Rurouni Kenshin? Both are very good series.
Aditu: Author salutes loyal fan! I am actually winding up to a conclusion, so the fic will start moving faster soon. (though with Kagome dead, I might have written myself into a corner...) I will persevere! That is, if my loyal fans don't kill me.
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For Such an Akugi:
Could her work of the previous day really have made that much of an impression that it chased him away for three months? Or perhaps Miroku and Sango had formed so great a wall that Kouga could not blow through it?
No matter how much he huffed and puffed.
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Till later,
WS
Warnings: Character death, maybe. Shippo being cute and fuzzy. Spoilers for Kikyo season 4 (I think).
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For Such a Time as This
Chapter 5: A Ghost of a Chance
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Kikyo.
Her mind immediately rejected the thought. She barely had been able to stomach what she had done to Kouga, and she knew she was saving his life. To deliberately plan the death of another went totally against everything she believed in.
'You kill youkai every day,' a voice inside of her said.
'They are usually tried to kill me or my friends,' she told it.
'And Kikyo hasn't?' an image appeared in her brain. Inuyasha stood, trapped in Kikyo's embrace, oblivious to being sent to hell. The scene faded and another replaced it. Kikyo, pulling a knife on Inuyasha just seconds after he swore to protect her and defeat her enemies.
'No,' she shook her head violently to dispel the image.
'Can you deny the truth of memory?' her other self spoke acidly.
'Her actions are no cause for my misdeeds!' She protested weakly as she slouched on her desk.
'What are you planning to do to Naraku, then? Ask him politely to stop bothering you and your friends?'
'There is a great difference between her and him. I have never felt a soul more twisted with evil than Naraku's. Kikyo hates, yes, and she is willing to do evil things to achieve her ends, but she is not inherently evil.'
'Then what is the difference between you and her? Your goal is even purer than hers. She wishes revenge; you wish to save. Why can't you use evil means to achieve your goals as well?'
'That's just it,' she thought, frustrated. 'There is no difference between us, really. Her soul is mine.'
'Then the question is this,' he other self concluded. 'Are you willing to kill yourself to save them?'
Kagome sat up at that thought. It made some sense. As Kikyo's reincarnate they shared the same soul. One soul, two bodies. One cursed to a half-life, not really living, not truly dead, forced to feed off the souls of dead maidens. Her soul so twisted with hate that she could never be truly happy. If Kagome did follow through on her idea, Kikyo could be at peace. Her soul would be whole again, and the maidens could finally be put to rest. She could do it. To save them, and to heal her own soul, she could kill Kikyo.
Another image popped into her head. Inuyasha, desperately calling Kikyo's name as she fell from the cliff when she was first brought back. After that image came others. The soft look that came into his eyes as they spoke about the past. The confused, unsure look when they spoke of Kikyo in the present. And the desperate, hunted look that swam to the front when they spoke of the future. The final image, and the one that lasted the longest, was of a black-haired form that almost refused to eat, sitting at the grave of a girl who died fifty years previous, but was laid to rest just the week before.
Her heart ached and tears ran unheeded down her face. She couldn't do it. She couldn't knowingly put Inuyasha through that pain, not even to save everyone. There had to be another way. Any other way.
Her mother stuck her head into the room, saying, "Kagome? You did say you wanted to leave in the morning, and...What's wrong, dear?"
"Nothing," Kagome sniffled. She attempted a smile. "Nothing that wasn't also wrong yesterday."
Her mother smiled gently and gave her a brief hug. "Your friends will be worried if you don't go back now, but tell them to take it easy for a while. I don't want you getting sick on top of everything else."
"Yes, Mama," Kagome said.
She gathered her bag from the kitchen and headed out to the well. She tried not to think about any of her options, not wanting her other self to come up with more reasons to go through with her awful idea. Once she was back in the past she was sure some other idea would occur to her. There had to be some detail she was over looking. There had to be.
"Is anybody there to help me out?" She attempted cheer.
"Hey," Sango called down. "Inuyasha's still sulking, and Miroku's gone to 'help' some of the village women, so I decided to help you up."
"Thanks, Sango," Kagome said.
They started off to the village in relative silence. Kagome eyed Sango speculatively, wondering if she would convince the warrior not to be at the battle. She dismissed the thought almost immediately. Sango had far too much Earth in her. It would be like trying to move a mountain with a toothpick. She thought of her other companions and came to the same conclusion. Miroku was Water, calm and placid most of the time, but an unmovable force when riled. If the kanaaza didn't get him riled, then she was in love with Hojo. Inuyasha was Fire. She could douse the flame today, maybe. It could possibly last until next week, but whatever she did today short of pinning him to a tree would not last the three months till the battle.
She wouldn't chase any of them away even if she decided she could, she thought as she shook off the effect of Naraku's vision. It came down to pure self interest. They might live, but she would be dead several times over within the next three months. Miroku's life, Sango's brother, Inuyasha's love, all were tied up in the death of Naraku, and she would not break those bonds. To do so would be to break their spirits.
Those thoughts led her to wonder why and how she had been able to so easily remove Sesshomaru and Kouga from the equation. Sesshomaru she could easily explain. The opposite to his brother's Fire, Sesshomaru's Ice was given no chance to melt without Rin's kidnapping. Ice froze in place, unshakable in his beliefs. But Kouga? Kouga was Air, and Wind, mercurial in his mood shifts and just as ungovernable. Could her work of the previous day really have made that much of an impression that it chased him away for three months? Or perhaps Miroku and Sango had formed so great a wall that Kouga could not blow through it? That had to be the answer, because her actions could not have been enough yesterday.
Her musings were interrupted by Shippo, who came to politely request her assistance in his relations with Inuyasha. A scolding and an ouswari later, they finally made it back to the hut. Dropping off her bag, she sat right outside and watched Shippo play. Perhaps she could remove Shippo from the scene. But none of the villagers would take him, nor would he stay with them, so near to herself. No. It would have to be a fox pair that would be willing to take him.
'For that to work,' she mused, 'I would have to call them to me. I hope there are some in range.'
But she did not know fox youki, and could not recognize it easily without her powers. "Shippo-chan?" she called. "Can you help me with my lesson?"
Shippo came over and she went to get him a treat to keep him satisfied. Settling him in her lap, she gently bound her aura up in his youki. He felt as if he was surrounded by pure Kagome, warm and loving. Once she had studied him, trying to decipher which part of the kit was fox and which was uniquely Shippo, she sent their combined auras out into the forest and past the village. This was much like searching for Shikon shards, though on a grander scale. On the furthest reaches of her range, to the south west, her senses tingled with the echo of the Shippo in her aura. Concentrating in that direction, she was able to push a little further, and made contact.
She received a questioning note from the pair. Unable to carry words across such distances, she sent her emotional image of Shippo, his joy, his grief, and most of all his need for family and protection. She felt the acknowledgement they sent back and slowly brought herself out of the meditation. She detached herself from Shippo only to find him asleep in her arms.
She nudged him awake. "Kagome!" he exclaimed excitedly. "That was wonderful! Can we do that again?"
"What were you doing?"
Kagome glanced up to find Kouga, and Inuyasha looking at her very strangely. "I, uh," she said.
"She surrounded me, and we went searching for something," Shippo broke in. "I'm not sure if we found what we were looking for, though."
"It was an experiment," Kagome said quickly before Shippo could reveal any more. "I was attempting to search for a youkai I was unfamiliar with. I hoped that by combining with Shippo, I would be able to recognize a fox demon in the area."
"Did it work?" Miroku asked. He and Sango had joined the conversation at the beginning of Kagome's explanation.
"I'm not sure," Kagome admitted, a half-truth. "I didn't know if there were any foxes around." She stood up noticing that it was almost noon.
The experiment had taken far longer that she thought. In a little while Sesshomaru would be showing up, and Kouga didn't seem inclined to fight Inuyasha. She would have to find some other way to get rid of him.
"Kouga-kun," she said, "are Ghinta-kun and the others nearby?" At his nod she smiled. While she thought of some way to get rid of him, she might as well try out her theory when she knew there were wolves nearby. She wasn't sure if what she felt was truly fox. "Good. Then if you'll allow me, I will search for them using the same method-"
"It wouldn't work like that, Kagome-sama," Miroku said. "You already know Kouga's wolves. You would need to have someone that you were unfamiliar with for you experiment to work. Even immature powers can recognize someone you have already met."
Kagome was disappointed, but when she turned to Kouga, he was backing up slowly. At her inquiring glance, he said, "I just came by to check up on you, and since it seems you are doing fine, I'll just...go. Yeah. I need to find Kagura."
A charitable person might call what he did next rejoining his pack. The uncharitable would label it turning tail and running. Kagome turned a questioning glance on Inuyasha for an explanation.
The hanyou saw her and snorted. "For once," he said gruffly. "I understand his running. You couldn't see yourself. It was kinda like the time Shippo's father's foxfire protected you from the Thunder Brothers. You were both glowing blue, but instead of coming from a recognizable youkai, it was coming from inside you. Both of your eyes were staring blankly ahead and were shining blue. It was scary." He began to laugh. "And then you offered to do the same thing to that wimpy wolf! No wonder he turned and ran!"
Kagome huffed. "You're saying he ran because I looked horrible?" she asked as she crossed her arms over his chest.
"I, um," Inuyasha stalled intelligently as he tried to avoid an ouswari. Miroku and Sango began to chuckle.
Kagome soon joined them. "It's alright, Inuyasha," she said. "Let's go have lunch."
Her only reply was another snort.
* * *
Kagome was getting really sick of having her lunch interrupted only to ignore something that she knew she could prevent. This time she had managed to convince Inuyasha to try the experiment, and was able to recognize Sesshomaru, so she was fairly certain that the pair she had summoned were fox youkai. When Sesshomaru came she managed to go outside with the others and restrained herself from going after Rin. She even managed to remain silent in the aftermath of Jaken's appearance. However, she discovered that she had a lot of pent up aggression afterwards. After snapping at Inuyasha twice, and Shippo once, she grabbed her arrows and stormed off, claiming target practice.
She mostly improvised with her targets. At home, the shrine had a formalized target range, not that it was ever used. She was usually stuck inside studying whenever she was at home. After she had blasted the first tree she shot at, she took a deep breath and concentrated on controlling her miko powers when she shot.
Choose a target. Set the arrow in the string. Align it on the bow with her fingers. Draw back. Sight down the arrow. Release. Set the next arrow. Repeat. There was a rhythm to the practice that calmed her nerves. She was still missing one arrow in three, but that was much better than before.
'It would be even better if you imagined those targets as someone,' the voice from that morning suggested. 'Say...Naraku, or....Kikyo?'
She stumbled, and her shot went wild. She gripped her bow tightly. 'I won't do that,' she told that part of herself firmly. 'There is no reason for me to practice shooting her. I will save Shippo by putting him with the fox family. I will not kill her.'
'And are you so sure that they will take him, or that he will go? They won't be here till this evening. What will you change if that doesn't work?'
'Shut up,' she cried. 'I am not going to listen to your reasoning anymore.'
'Just remember, you have that option if the foxes won't take Shippo. If it doesn't work, you can always fix it tomorrow,' and with that, the voice faded from her mind.
Kagome stalked over to her target tree and began pulling the arrows out. Yank. Killing Kikyo was stupid. Yank. Whatever the voice said to the contrary was just wrong. Yank. It was trying to make her do evil. Yank. The whole idea would not work. Yank. The voice was insane to think it would work. Yank. She collapsed against the tree when all the arrows were out. She finally admitted the truth to herself. Killing Kikyo was probably the best idea she had had in a long time. Kikyo was the reason they knew where Naraku was. The battle happened at that time because of Kikyo's information. Prior to that, she did not affect the quest except for occasionally showing up to 'talk' to Inuyasha. If she was going to get rid of someone in order to save everyone else, Kikyo would be it.
That was hard to admit. Defeated, she quietly put away her arrows and headed back to the village. She still had hope. The fox family was due within the next hour, and she could save Shippo at least. Without being asked, she began to help Kaede with the preparations for dinner. Miroku came in as she was slicing some vegetables.
She paused. "Miroku-sama," she asked. "Could I talk to you for a second? I'm done here."
Miroku nodded, curious. They walked along the field in the village. Miroku let her have her space, for which she was grateful. Having asked him to talk, she now didn't know how to begin. Finally she stopped and sat on a bridge. Miroku settled down next to her.
"You are a monk," she began, staring firmly into the water running below her feet.
"Most of the time," he agreed when she showed no signs of continuing.
"How do you justify all the killing that you do?" she finally blurted out.
Miroku thought for a long time. "Most of the things we kill," he finally said, "are youkai, and minor ones at that. Minor youkai are little better than animals, except that they feed on hate and fear. They are evil, and as a monk I have no problem getting rid of evil things. In Naraku's case, it is a matter of survival. As for any other that we come across, I generally try to avoid killing humans whenever possible."
"But what about when you are not sure whether something is evil. Not a youkai, but not a human either," she stopped there, unwilling at this point to hint closer to Kikyo.
"A ghost?" Miroku mused. "When ghosts are haunting people it is generally because the soul is not at peace. My ofudas seal the spirit until we can figure out what is wrong and can set the soul at rest."
Kagome finally decided to lay the entire case out before him, hopefully in vague enough terms so that Miroku would not know specifically who she was talking about. "What if you knew something bad was going to happen, something that would hurt a lot of people, and only you could prevent it. But in order to prevent it, you had to kill someone else. They are not evil, nor is what they did evil, but that act started off the events that led to disaster. Would you kill this person?"
"Are you sure that killing this person would prevent those events?" Miroku asked quietly.
"As certain as I can be," she said. "But killing them would make others sad."
"You must think very hard," Miroku said, "and decide if the evil that would come from murdering Kikyo is truly less than any possible future evil."
"How-" Kagome asked.
"Kagome-sama," Miroku chided. "Who else would you be agonizing over? Other than the Shikon no Tama and Inuyasha, she is the central problem you worry about."
"How can I deliberately kill her?" she cried. "Her soul is mine!"
"But her soul is not at peace," Miroku concluded. "Neither is yours. Nor will they be until they are united again. I'm not even really sure that your powers can mature without a whole soul."
"Can we temporarily combine the souls to make my powers mature, then separate again?" Kagome asked, suddenly wondering if she could save Kikyo after all.
"Possibly," Miroku said after a long time. "It would be easier if it was Kikyo whose powers needed maturing. There is just more space in Kikyo's body for such a transfer to take place."
Kagome opened her mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by a tingling along her senses. "Thank you," she said as she stood. "You've given me a lot to think about, but currently we have some guests arriving."
"What?" Miroku glanced up and seemed to notice the rolling clouds shot through with green lightning.
He began to run back to the hut, but Kagome did not follow. He turned back to hurry her on, but she paid him no mind, staring up into the clouds. The clouds reached a peak and shot a tendril down directly in front of Kagome. Miroku let out a wordless yell and ran forward, which is why he was close enough to hear what followed.
The cloud resolved itself into a youkai pair, man and woman. They were dressed much like Kouga and his pack, but far more colorfully. The animal skins that made up their clothing had been dyed rich colors, ranging from red to yellow to blue to purple. The woman had long red hair that fell straight down her back, braided in places and strung through with beads. The man had shorter hair, and was the first to speak.
"You were not afraid," he asked, more of a statement than a question.
Kagome shook her head. "Shippo tried the same thing when we first met," she explained, "though I have to admit that yours was much more impressive."
The pair smiled and removed the leaves from on top of their heads. Kagome motioned for them to follow as she started to lead them back to the hut. When she reached Miroku's side she murmured, "Don't even think about trying your usual tricks with her. They are a mated pair, and I don't think he would appreciate it."
Miroku gulped and followed meekly behind her. About two thirds of the way to the hut, Shippo came barreling out. "Kagomeeeeeee!" he screamed. "Did you see it? Wasn't it scary? Are you okay?"
Kagome laughed as she caught the child, but her laugh was wistful, somehow. Turning to the youkai pair, she presented the kit. "This is Shippo. He is the one I told you about."
The fox youkai exchanged a glance. "How long have you had the kit?" the female asked.
"Two or three months," Kagome replied.
"You should have contacted us immediately," said the male. "It has been to long. We will not take the kit away now."
"Kagome?" Shippo questioned.
"What the hell are you doing, Kagome?" asked Inuyasha.
"But we go into dangerous situations all the time!" Kagome told the foxes, desperate. "He will die!"
"Are you doubting my ability to protect the brat?" Inuyasha demanded.
"No," Kagome defended.
"You can't get rid of him," Inuyasha declared.
"Why not?" asked Kagome.
"Because I," he paused, "you'll be sad!"
"We could not take him," the female fox shouted over the quickly growing argument. "Besides the fact that it is against the wishes of the pack leader, it has been too long. Bonds have formed that will break the kit if we try to break them. He would lose his parents all over again."
"Pack leader?" Inuyasha asked, dumbfounded.
"We foxes may not travel in pack," said the male, "but we respect the pack hierarchy. You are clearly the leader. I would suggest some discipline for the female for trying to go against your wishes."
"I'm sorry we cannot help you," the female said. "Perhaps if you know the danger you can somehow prevent it."
Kagome merely hugged Shippo tighter as the pair left. Once they were out of sight, Inuyasha rounded on her, saying, "What were you thinking, woman? I can protect the little bastard!"
"Can you protect him from me?" Kagome asked as she walked back to the hut.
No amount of persuasion could get Kagome to explain her statement, though they tried all throughout dinner. She appeared to be in a completely separate world. Her eyes darted between her arrows, Inuyasha, and Miroku, who looked on her with knowing eyes, as if he knew what she was thinking. She moved slowly, mechanically, eating what was put in front of her but not tasting it. When dinner was over, she helped Kaede with the dishes, then stood next to the window as if waiting for something. Suddenly, she stiffened.
"Inuyasha," she said woodenly. "Kikyo's waiting for you."
He gave her an odd look, but obediently looked out and followed the silent summons. Kagome waited until he was lost in the tree, then gathered up her bow and arrows.
Turning to Miroku and Sango, she said, "I have no idea what will happen." She was sure her face reflected the dead void within her. "Follow me. Soon."
With that she left the hut. Kagome was numb. This was a worse feeling than when she first came back here and wasn't certain if it was a dream or not. She couldn't think about what she was going to do, or she would go insane.
It was the only thing she could think about.
All too soon she was at the clearing, and Kikyo was reaching out to touch Inuyasha's face.
"Kikyo!" she cried out. "Stop!"
Kikyo stiffened when she saw the arrow aimed at her heart. Drawing back, she loaded her own arrow and pointed likewise. Inuyasha, predictably, stepped in between them.
"You dare defy me, girl?" Kikyo said coldly, not relaxing her stance.
Kagome closed her eyes briefly and made her final decision. Apologizing silently to Inuyasha, she whispered a soft ouswari. As soon as the hanyou was out of the way, she fired, calling up to the heavens a silent prayer for Kikyo's soul.
Kikyo knew as soon as she saw the hanyou drop what was going to happen. She fired a split second later. Both arrows flew truly. Kagome's went through Kikyo, and she dissolved in a burst, crumbling to dust. Kikyo's hit Kagome just to the left of the heart, piercing a lung. She flew back into a tree and collapsed on the ground.
It hurt. Her lungs screamed with every gasp of air that she took. She coughed up blood, and began to panic when she saw the red droplets on her hand. Frantically she looked for Inuyasha, but he was crouched over Kikyo's ashes.
"Inuyasha," she called out weakly. She could barely hear her own voice. "The well." There, that was better. "You have to take me to the well."
He turned, and the pain in his eyes made her want to cry, but she had no energy for it. His eyes widened, and he ran over to her, gently supporting her back as he laid her carefully on the ground. He swam and faded in her vision, and she blinked, trying to clear it. Her sight remained black.
"I'm sorry, Inu...yasha," she whispered.
The last thing she heard was the clank of the rings on a monk's staff.
"The....well...."
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A/N: Goodness gracious that was hard to write. I had no idea going into this that repeating the same day three times was going to be so difficult! Other than that, I am evil, aren't I? *Runs to hide* Please remember before you start poking me with sharp pointy things that I am a firm (almost) Inu/Kag fan. Its just....gonna take a bit.
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Review responces:
FF.net
Aamalie: Home again? Were you somewhere else? Yes I stuck Kikyo with pins, but there always has to be a retaliation....
Moonsilver: I confused you again? *Sigh* I thought we had it all cleared up! It will be a bunch of things, or at least she'll think so. But it will really be only one small thing....grr, now I'm confusing myself.
Sammyosa92: It is hard for me to write, sometimes, but reviews help a lot! *Hint hint* I hoped you liked what fluff I could inject. I'll warn you that that's gonna be the last fluff for a while. It gets pretty angsty from here on in.
Alden Hawke: I think the sad fact is that, in fanfiction, there are stereo types, and minor characters or difficult characters get forced into one dimensional roles. Once that happens, the characters are no longer fun to write, and they get ignored. Other than that, I am a fan of a good alternate pairing, though I don't consider myself good enough to write those. I would recommend Thunk as an author. She still has Kag/Inu, but her other pairings are...interesting...to say the least.
sarah h: Nope, this story isn't AU. Though I might write one in the future. Those are fun merely because they are your favorite characters in totally new situations. But only if they are done right. I am glad you like this story!
Mediaminer.org
Mikey B23: I am glad you like the fic. If you like Trigun (which you said when we talked on aim) might I recommend Cowboy Bebop and Rurouni Kenshin? Both are very good series.
Aditu: Author salutes loyal fan! I am actually winding up to a conclusion, so the fic will start moving faster soon. (though with Kagome dead, I might have written myself into a corner...) I will persevere! That is, if my loyal fans don't kill me.
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For Such an Akugi:
Could her work of the previous day really have made that much of an impression that it chased him away for three months? Or perhaps Miroku and Sango had formed so great a wall that Kouga could not blow through it?
No matter how much he huffed and puffed.
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Till later,
WS