InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Got Any Spare Change? ❯ Show Some Love ( Chapter 11 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

I wanted to mention something else in this chapter that may throw some people for a loop. I have a line in here where Kohanu states that Sesshomaru is his cousin. This came from my first story, Nuisance Company, where I had first invented Kohanu to be Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's cousin. Though Yozaru wasn't created then, now that I've mentioned him, he too would be their family, probably thier second cousin, I think. And, another warning. This chapter is a bit graphic with strong sexual references, some other lines I'm using from Soul Plane. For those of you who've seen the movie probably already have a clue at what I'm going to say. Anyways, those of you who have a low tolerance of such things, might want to skip this chapter. I don't think anything too important happens here. Well, best of luck to the rest!


Naraku tapped his pen as he thought about what to write on the blank Word document on his screen. What the fuck was a memo, and how come Sesshomaru needed him to do it? And why on such short notice again? A memo to send to some competing company about the prospect of doing some deal with them, Sesshomaru had told him. "It's very important, and really I shouldn't trust you with it, considering how new you are here. Well that, and your constant insubordination. But I'm giving you a chance to prove yourself Onigumo. Don't fail me."

Well, Naraku really was contemplating on doing just that. But the fact that he needed this job kept him from doing it. Besides, more money for the company ment more money for him, which after finding out that he only had a salary of $17 at the moment, he really really needed. So, there he sat, tapping his pen, trying to come up with a good enough proposal that would make Pepsi want to do business with Taisho Unlimited. Sesshomaru actaully wanted him to come up with the idea that could seal the company's future.

"Taisho toilet paper? No, who the hell would want to wipe their ass with Sesshomaru's face?" He stopped. Wait, that's it! He could just imagine being able to rub Sesshomaru's smug face all in his ass. He wanted an ass kisser, well he could kiss this ass! But no, on a serious tip, that wouldn't work. Coffee mugs? No, Coca-Cola already had that market. He sighed. He couldn't come up with anything.

"Onigumo. Onigumo! Wake your lazy ass up!" Naraku sat up groggily. He'd fallen asleep trying to come up with ideas. Inuyasha stood over him. "Do you have that memo ready? I'm supposed to deliver it to my corporal-ass brother." "No-hm?" Naraku mumbled. Inuyasha kicked his chair from up under him, making him crash to the floor and wake up fully. "I said do you have that memo ready?" "No, I don't have your fuckin' memo! Damn, get off my ass!" "Get off of yours! Sesshomaru said he needed it by the end of today and already it's 4:30." "Oh, so now you've become his next personal ass-kisser?" "No, Jaken's in his office doing that right now. Literally. That's where everyone's at now, trying to get a peek at it. I'd be there too if someone would hurry the hell up and just give me the damn memo. That way I have a reason to open up his door without looking suspicious."

Naraku quickly got to typing out random things. Pressing the print button, Inuyasha snatched it up and he and Naraku ran to Sesshomaru's office, where a crowd of silent eavesdroppers were listening in. Voices were coming from inside. "But me Lord, do I really have to?" "Yes, Jaken. You pledged your loyalty to me, now kiss the ass you worship." Giggles were stiffled as they heard Jaken's unmistakable squawk. "But, really me Lord, don't you think kissing your ass is a little extreme?" A long silence followed. "Jaken, you're ugly. Even though your whole race is ugly, you're just pure fugly. Both you and that mutt Jinengi. You're both probably going to be the epitome of the phrase "4,000 year old virgin". But, if you just do this one little task, I'll make sure you have ho's in different area codes. Ya get what I'm saying?"

Clearing a path, Inuyasha forced his way to right beside the door, shushing everyone for good measure. He held up three fingers and silently counted down. One, two, three! He burst open the door to reveal Sesshomaru bent over his desk, ass in Jaken's face and the imps lips mere millimeters away from the flesh. Inuyasha rushed forward and pushed him until he was actually kissing Sesshomaru's ass. Kohaku took a picture, since he worked in photography. "I can sell this to the New York Times. By tommorow morning, everyone will know that Sesshomaru has a thing for toads!"

Sesshomaru growled and began transforming. As his claws were about to elongate, Inuyasha hit him up side his head with the back of Tetsusaiga, giving the demon lord a double blow, one from the impact itself, and another from the fact that full demons couldn't touch the sword, leaving a nasty brunt bald patch on his head. Sesshomaru laid on the floor, looking like some kind of petrified mad dog. Kohanu screamed at seeing his precious idol knocked unconsious. "How could you?!" He screamed at Inuyasha. "How could you?! That's your brother, my cousin, and our leader!" "I don't care what he is!" Jaken proclaimed. "I'm not about to be his literal ass kisser! I sucked up to him enough trying to land a spot in his eventual empire and just when I think that I finally am going to get it, I have to go one step short of...well, whatever, I'm not doing it!"

Kagome put her hands on her hips. "Oh, you say that now, but a moment ago you were ready and eager to kiss it just to make sure you got laid at least once in your lifetime." Jaken folded his arms and looked away, mumbling something that sounded like "Shut up, bitch." Miroku stood over Sesshomaru, checking to see if any of the damage would be permanent, which he hoped. Unfortunatly, it wasn't. "Oh, well," Miroku shrugged and was about to walk off when he thought of something he just had to say to the demon lord. "Damn, Sesshomaru," he said to his unconcious form, "You just got knocked the fuck out!" He had to hold onto the desk due to laughing so hard. Sango stared at him. "You cuss? I thought you were supposed to be religous?" "And I thought you were supposed to show me what makes you tick, after I helped you complete that sales report." Sango turned away from him as if she hadn't heard him.

Then out of nowhere, Kikyou pushed her way into the room. "What are you doing here?!" Inuyasha said, surprised but happy at seeing her. Kagome rolled up her sleeves and started mean mugging her, not being able to stand the sight of her. "This son of a bitch fired me and my sister," KIkyou said, staring at Sesshomaru. "Well, that's generally what a male dog is, the son of a bitch," Kagome said sarcastically. Kikyou ignored her. "I can get another job, but since Medicaid figured she was earning plenty from working here, they took away her benefits, along with her AARP card. She's broke and getting on in her years. Since I have to work, I can't stay home and look after her. I-I had to put her in a retirement home!" The priestess broke down crying. Kagome showed no sympathy. "Yeah, that generally happens with old folks. They spend their last twenty or so years in an old folks home, then they die. Sometimes in grotesque ways, like while trying to get their "last time" in."

Everyone stared at her, but Kikyou started advancing. "Funny that you should say that, considering that she believes she did have her "last time". With your grandfather." Kagome's eyes widened. "You're just saying that because you're pissed that I'm the one your soul inhabits rather than choosing your sickly pale ass." Kikyou smirked. "No, I don't give a damn about that anymore. But really, they did "do it" together. She talked about how he rode the pony--" right off the bat, Sango started gagging, but Miroku was giving side looks to Sango in provacative ways, --"and ear jobs, hand jobs, blow jobs"-- Kohanu and Kouga fought over who was going to get to throw up in the trash can--"getting tea bagged, playing the trombone, doing it missionary and doggy style--" "Okay, that's just fuckin' sick!" Inuyasha cut in.

Kagome was left standing speechless. No, that couldn't be her grandfather she was talking about. Maybe he was a bit eccentric, but not a freak in the bed! Was he...? Kikyou turned to Sesshomaru again and had started chanting something when he woke up. "Did it hurt?" he asked Kikyou. "Did what hurt?" "When you fell out of heaven." Kikyou balled up her fists and punched him, then stormed out again, having forgotten what she'd come there originally to do. Everyone dispersed, Inuyasha leaving the "memo" on his desk.

Sesshomaru sat up, rubbing the bald patch on his head. "What the...?" He looked at himself and noticed that his pants were still down. "Was I...raped?! Naw, they wouldn't do that to me! Would they...?" He shook his head and climbed back into his seat to resume typing almost as if nothing had gone wrong. Almost. He still had the patch to prove that evidently something had gone amiss during hs "slumber". But he would never know.


So, for those of you who read this chapter, I hope you weren't too sickend by it. I think this chapter was bordering on the edge of sick (if it wasn't there already!), but like fat people need love too (me!) so do elderly people. Oh, and the line that Miroku used before Sango asked him if he cussed was from the movie Friday. Lately I guess I've been having this thing about using movie lines. Anyways, if this chapter didn't make you run to the toilet and chunk up your cookies, please find it in your heart to review! Oh, and as for my randomness, I belive I'm getting to the end of this story (noooooooo!), so I'll start making all of this make sense here in the next few chapters. Okay, now review!