InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Grey Eyes and Golden Nightmares ❯ Reflections on a Dry Pond ( Chapter 4 )

Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all belong to Rumiko Takahashi…

Grey Eyes and Golden Nightmares

~Reflections on a Dry Pond~

Kagome sat on the lip of the Bone Gobbling Well. Her gaze was distant and unfocused as she let her mind drift where it would with no more direction than the cool breeze toying with her hair.

She finally understood why Inuyasha infallibly returned to the Goshinboku. Despite the fact that he had been for all intents and purposes killed and imprisoned against it for fifty years.  There was just something peaceful, almost meditative, in the feeling of sitting at the first place she'd come awake in this time.  Something that soothed her nerves, and helped her to think more clearly…

Even now when the well no longer served its function.

Kagome smiled faintly down into the dry well, sliding out of her sandals and putting them aside to feel the smooth wood and cool dirt against her feet.  Her eyes drifted closed under the soothing pulse she could feel from the soil, one hand lifting to trace along the scar over her sternum.

Unbidden, her mind brought her the images from four years ago, seeing her younger-self staggering towards the well with single-minded determination.

~

So much blood…

Kagome stared back at the trail in the dirt and grass and winced. Already knowing that the moment her friends had finished fighting with the weak youkai attacking the village that they would have no trouble tracking her down.  They had been hovering since she finally woke, their eyes filled with silent concern but relieved that she had come out of her comatose state.  Inuyasha hadn't wanted her to move, staying close and pushing her back down gently. He was there every time she had tried to start lifting herself with murmured scolds to save her strength for healing.

He didn't understand…

She had heard them talking at night when they thought she was asleep. All of them would sit up late at night, debating whether or not Inuyasha should return her to her time and destroy the well.  But they were torn. She was the only one who could sense the jewel, see the shards they needed to find so very desperately.  That was the only thing that was stopping them. But they were trying harder every night to find ways to work around that.

Kagome couldn't let that happen.

She'd been biding her time for something like this… determined to carry through on her own plan. Before they could gang up on her and force her to do things their way.  It was sheer stubbornness alone that kept her going. Her weight braced on a convenient staff she had found against Kaede-sama's hut. And borrowed when she realized her body was still too battered and weak for how far she needed to move.

It was almost funny, but she hadn't realized just how injured she was until now. So long after the fight with Naraku and Kohaku that had changed her life so completely; when every stumble could mean the difference between victory and failure.

But she couldn't stop without finishing what she'd set out to do. Not when Inuyasha and the others would be able to figure out what she was doing and stop her if she didn't do it quickly.

Steeling herself against the exhaustion trying to press in on her mind, she stumbled on. Mindless to the blood she left on trees and bushes when she caught herself on the random solid objects.  It felt like forever, but the familiar clearing finally came into view. And Kagome nearly went to her knees with the wave of relief that swept through her.

It was the most bizarre thing to her fatigued mind. But the closer she came to the well, the less she could feel the pain and lethargy that had been so very severe in her trek to this destination…  `Then again,' she lifted her hand to her head with a slight frown. `Maybe it's not so strange after all.' The greyish haze that seemed to always dance at the edge of her vision was expanding, taking over to narrow her view of color as though she was looking through a tunnel.

However, she was not about to question the blessed numbness that made it easier for her to straighten. Or that allowed her to put aside the make-shift crutch when she reached the edge of that innocent looking well.

Kagome pressed her bloody palms flat to the wood, letting out a shuddering breath as she peered down into the blackness of the well.  A shiver snaked through her, something anxious and heavy unfurling through her mind. It was almost as though the well itself was aware of what she prepared to do, waiting for her. For the first time, she saw the bluish light spark and curl to life all on its own. Forming into a little vortex at the bottom and illuminating her pale face.

"Mama… Souta… Jii-chan…" her voice sounded hollow in her own ears, echoing back to her as tears slid down her cheeks. They mixed unheeded with the blood of the reopened wound across her face, dripping down into that glowing whirlpool below.

With every tiny spatter, the magic would ripple like water. The blue light turning deep purple wherever it struck before it smoothed back to its original state.

"Forgive me," her eyes closed on the renewed wave of guilt that came with remembering what had brought her hear.  "If I had thought…  I should have sealed the well and stayed here the first time I came through and knew Naraku had seen me here.  If I had, he never would have come… Jii-chan would be alive and you would have… you would have been safe."

She took a deep, shaking breath. Focusing deep inside, she meticulously searched for the same power that had rushed through her when she had fought back. The untapped power that had killed both the puppet and Kohaku.  She felt the rush of heat, a sense of light-headedness at the unfamiliar ripple when her magic obediently surfaced. Crackling and snapping around her in whip-like traces.  With the flicks of white-hot energy curling up and around her body, caressing and singeing grass and wood, she opened glowing eyes to look back down at the well.

"I don't belong there…  This power of mine…" she choked off, swallowing hard before she continued.  "They understand it in this time.  I can't be where I can destroy everything I love- everyone I love if I get angry. If I lose control again.  But I'll make it up to you."

Kagome's expression changed from desolate to determined as she leaned against the well and stared down at the magic, "I promise you that Naraku will be destroyed… And once the Shikon-no-Tama is complete, Inuyasha will use it to make his wish and all of this… this bullshit will be over.  If I change the past, you'll be alive in the future… without me, but alive."

She sucked in a deep breath, her muscles going taut as she focused on sending her magic pouring over the sides of the well. She watched it move in on the blue light in a curtain of heat before it mixed together and turned almost blinding white… like lightning.  The air seemed to burn all on its own. Scorching the grass at her feet, but just like in the future, she remained unharmed in the heart of it. Her jaw clenched hard as she blindly recalled the feel of the well's magic. And sent all her will, all her soul into disrupting that rhythm and sealing it shut.

"KAGOME!!"

She frowned at the distant shout, momentarily faltering as her gaze slid behind her to search the woods. "Damn…"

She was running out of time. With that thought clear in her mind, she turned her full focus into flooding the well with every bit of strength and magic she was capable of producing. Despite the twinge of pain the exertion started in her healing wounds.  "They won't stop me, Souta…  I made a promise, and I'll keep it even if it kills me," she whispered. Oblivious to the renewed flow of blood from her battered body as the dark streams dripped into the well and mingled even more with the violently roiling magic.

"Kagome-sama, stop!!" Miroku's voice came from somewhere above her, raised over Sango's horrified gasp and Shippou's frightened wail.

`Kirara,' she distractedly identified how they had reached that position. Setting her jaw stiffly, she forced herself to push that much harder. Knowing the fire youkai would have no trouble getting close.  She had to do this before they could reach her; before they could stop her from protecting what was left of her family.

"You stupid bitch!  What the fuck are you doing?!" Inuyasha's snarl filled the air behind her, made her cringe. But she still didn't allow the flow of magic to stop.

She was so close she could taste it. Her magic was shoving hard against the intense energy within the well and burning hotter, brighter.  `C'mon!!  PLEASE!!' she screamed it in her mind. Panicking when she felt the clawed hands seize her waist, she tried to cling to the lip of the well. Inuyasha's growl vibrated through her as he effortlessly yanked her back. But the intervention came too late.

The magic within the well exploded upwards like a geyser, sending out a wave that slammed into them with enough force to knock the air from their lungs. Crashing end over end away from the well, they skidded to a stop in the grass as it formed a wild spiral.  Kagome pushed herself up on her elbows, staring at the white tornado illuminating the grove around them. She lifted one hand to shield her eyes from the blinding glare. And the whipping force of the wind as it nearly uprooted trees in its deafening rush. 

Before their stunned eyes, the tornado began to break apart. Magic pouring like tiny waterfalls down into the well until it began to spill over the sides. The spill of energy pulsed like a living thing as it slowly melted down into wooden structure itself. Before the entire well gave off a violent shudder that rocked the ground beneath their feet once and again. The air hummed with tension for a frozen moment until the spiral reversed.

It was almost disgustingly fast. The violent retraction dragging every ounce of released magic back into the depths of the well. Leaving nothing behind as it abruptly vanished into empty blackness… and silence.

Inuyasha shot to his feet, gaping first at Kagome and then the well, and back at her again. "You… what did you do?!"

Kagome slumped back, her eyes dull with exhaustion as the fiery tracers died down again. Only a few remained behind, snaking around her body sporadically. "I… made a promise…"

His eyes went wide, terrified as he rushed to the well and jumped in. Her other friends made their way hesitantly to her side. Kneeling as they tried to see what help they could give for her injuries. Their focus jolting when the hanyou let out a shout of disbelieving fury.

"Kagome-chan… you…didn't…?" Sango whispered, unable to complete the thought as she knelt uncertainly at the younger girl's side.

Inuyasha reappeared in front of her almost in a blur. Fighting to appear angry while his eyes gave away his confusion and even slight horror over his discovery, "You can't go back… The magic… it's…"

"Gone," she responded, her eyes closing as her body finally started to shake with her return to feeling.  "They're safe…"

"Kagome-sama…"

"Safe from everything… from me…' she whispered blearily. Kagome took a deep, shuddering breath and let it out. Her entire body relaxing as she let herself slip into unfeeling oblivion. 

~

"Safe," Kagome repeated. Her hand lifting to her face to trace her fingertip over the jagged scar that ran from her left ear all the way across her face to her right eye.

She breathed in the clean air around her with relish, looking down into the well again. Her hand lowered, tracing over the white hand prints that had been left behind so long ago by her amateur spell.  The only good thing that had come from her success while she was so untrained was that she hadn't simply sealed the well… She had utterly destroyed the magic connecting their two worlds. Rendering it useless, and making it impossible for any of her companions -or enemies- in this time to reopen the portal.

Inuyasha had tried.

He'd forced Kaede to go with him to the well time and time again as she slowly recovered. Repeatedly growling that Kagome needed to be safe, and that the only way that could be certain was if she returned and sealed it from her side.  But every time they returned unsuccessful. And Kagome would simply watch from her futon or where she sat in the grass outside the hut while Shippou kept constant watch over her.

After a time, Miroku had taken to "relieving" the little kitsune of his duties. Sending him off to play with the other children as he took it upon himself to try and draw her out of her shell.  She'd surprised him… hell, she'd surprised all of them when she'd finally spoken again. But then she doubted he had expected her to ask for instruction.

That had been the start of the unorthodox bonding.  More and more Miroku was actually listening to Sango's requests for privacy. But then, with the loss of her brother and the circumstances of that loss, they had all become uncertain towards the taijiya again. None of them more so than Kagome.  So to distract them both while Sango was away and Inuyasha was trying to reopen the well, Miroku would keep Kagome company. Assisting her with meditation and focus while her body slowly recovered from the massive traumas she had suffered.

Later, at her insistence, he moved on to combat.

Kagome smiled at the memory, turning her gaze down to the naginata within her hand's reach. Leaning down, she brushed her palm over the smooth staff with nostalgic reverence. She brought her hand back to her lap, sighing once before murmuring, "We found another shard, Souta."

Her gaze turned back to the well briefly before she looked up at the sky. Closing her eyes to let the warm sun relax her, she stretched her spine to release the stubborn tension. Returning to the more casual position, she continued softly, "We're getting close now, I feel it.  Naraku will be destroyed, and Inuyasha will get rid of that damned jewel for good when he wishes to become a youkai."

Silence met her soft declaration, but Kagome still continued the ritual she had formed throughout their resumed search. Coming to the well to tell her family in general, and her brother in particular what was happening.  She liked to imagine them doing well, whole… her brother grown and worrying about the same things that had once plagued her own life. Simple, harmless troubles like school and dating. Living out the peace she had known before the surreal complications of living this life in Sengoku Jidai.

Kagome bit her lip and forced her thoughts away from their melancholy path. Well aware that it was one of the only emotions she still felt clearly, and not wanting it to influence tonight's nightmares. "I don't know what I'll do with myself when no one needs me. Miroku's been such a wonderful teacher…  I can control myself now, Souta.  Tell Mama I won't accidentally burn down any more buildings, ne?"

Kagome paused when a shiver traced down her spine, the naginata instantly in hand as she sat with motionless poise. All her senses were attuned to the source of the disruption and her aura simmered faintly with controlled traces of magic.  She waited with a faint frown touching her lips, ready to defend herself in an instant. But the moment passed without incident, and the undisturbed peace of the afternoon smoothed back into place. She let out the breath she'd been holding and shook her head. `It was probably just a youkai wandering at the edge of the woods…'

"If you could only see your big sister now, Souta," she muttered with more than a little self-disgust.  "I've gotten just as paranoid as Inuyasha.  I spark at every little thing that tweaks my aura.  It's embarrassing… but it keeps me alive."

Her eyes warmed as she turned her attention back down to the well with a soft smile. "I remember what I wanted to tell you…  I don't want you or Mama to worry about me after all this in finally over.  Miroku and I have been talking, and he says that if we survive and… and things don't go the way we both hope…  Well, if it turns out differently, he says I can travel with him.  Kaede-obaa-sama even says that we can stay in the village permanently if we want.

"Miroku's a… a good friend to me, Souta," Kagome's voice lowered, her grey-rimmed eyes shining with unshed tears.  "Sango too, but… I don't feel right around her since I killed Kohaku.  And apologizing just seems so impotent."

Kagome leaned back, fingering the vial of shards at her throat where the modified kimono she now wore gapped open. "It doesn't feel right to bother Inuyasha either.  Since Naraku killed Kikyou and I broke the well, he's been distant… withdrawn.  I feel so strange when I look at him now.

"My feelings for him haven't changed, but I feel… disconnected," she frowned as she tried to vocalize what she had been struggling to admit even to herself over the past few years.  "It's like I'm watching him through someone else's eyes instead of my own.  Maybe that's why I'm spending so much time with Miroku.

"Don't get me wrong, Souta, there's no way I could love him the same way I love Inuyasha, but I do still love him very much," she heaved a deep, frustrated sigh.  "He's always there for me, cheering me up, or just holding me when my soul feels so cold. When I think I'm finally going to break apart into a thousand pieces.  …And I do still want to get married someday, have a few kids, that whole thing.  If I manage to live through the fight with Naraku."

Kagome suddenly made a sound of disgust, wrinkling her nose as she straightened her posture. "Listen to me!  I sound so pathetic I'm making myself sick!"

She hopped to her feet, lithely stretching the kinks out of her limbs before picking up her weapon. She kissed two fingertips from her other hand and pressed them in between the pale handprints. "I love you, Souta, Mama, Jii-chan…  I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, but I'll keep my promise to you no matter what happens." Her fingers lingering tenderly against the wood and she whispered her farewell softly, "Be safe, Souta. Safe and happy…"

"Are you finished then, Kagome-sama?" Miroku's soft voice broke through the comfortable silence. The sound made her chuckle as she turned to look at the monk standing at the edge of the wood, her expression both chiding and loving at the same time.

"How do you do that?" she turned her back on the well as the monk walked calmly to join her. His staff making that tinkling, soothing rhythm with each step he took.  "Every time, you're here right as I'm ready to leave."

The stoic expression left his face as he smiled at her affectionately. He smoothly reached out to cup her chin, lightly pulling her forward for a soft, lingering kiss.  Releasing her with some reluctance, Miroku leaned back and gave her a particularly charismatic smile before he answered, "It is in my best interests to know the pattern you take in speaking with your family.  You always take the same amount of time when we are here. And if I am here and waiting when you finish, I have a moment of daylight with you."

Kagome could feel the chill in her soul melt away slightly at the contact and smiled as she lightly swatted him on the head. "Hentai."

"Come," Miroku chuckled at the teasing insult and slid his cursed hand down her arm to lace their fingers together. He pulled her close for an embrace, sighing when her arms wrapped around his waist and held him tightly. Kissing her forehead as the separated, he lightly tugged her hand to lead her back towards the village.  "Inuyasha wants to leave soon, after he's checked the area once more. I was sent to fetch you."

"Mou, you make me sound like a pet," she rolled her eyes, but squeezed his hand to take the sting out of her tone.  They would break apart like always before they reached the village. And yet they were both aware how much the other needed the contact. How much they needed the simple reassurance to be gleaned from a loving touch and an understanding soul.

Mutual pain and mutual rejection…

Kagome slanted him a look and repeated what he'd said to her a few nights before, mostly for herself than for him. "Better with a friend than alone, Miroku?"

His lips quirked in an affectionate smile as he reached back and squeezed her backside and returned her response, "Aa, Kagome… At least we both understand."

They fell silent. Taking comfort in the easy camaraderie that had only grown deeper over time and letting it soothe old and new pain.

Completely unaware their progress was being followed by golden eyes slowly filling with painful realization. "Kagome..."