InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Grey Eyes and Golden Nightmares ❯ Bitter Winds ( Chapter 5 )

Standard Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all belong to Rumiko Takahashi…

Grey Eyes and Golden Nightmares

~BitterWinds~

Miroku stared at Kagome across the campfire. His expression set in its characteristic serenity as he watched her roll out her worn sleeping bag before she wrapped up in a blanket from their era.  The entire scene was rather appropriate for the woman's own situation: no longer from one time or the other, but somehow suspended in between both… Kagome seemed to exist on a different plane entirely.

Sango had already curled up facing away from them. But whether she was asleep or not was anyone's guess.  She was always so much more withdrawn at night. The exterminator simply made herself scarce with patrolling until Miroku had begun to insist that he take second watch. And on the nights Kagome insisted she be allowed to take a watch, Sango would simply wrap up against Kirara and shut them out until morning. Either way, she was always asleep by the time Kagome jolted awake from her regular nightmares.

Poor Shippou was another story.  The little kitsune had hit a growth spurt, and the group had learned the main reason for kits to stay with their parents nearly to adulthood.  He could barely stay awake a full six hours without looking absolutely exhausted. And at night he slept so deeply that the times they did have fights, he hadn't so much as twitched.  Since he'd hit the spurt, Shippou spent most of the day napping on Kagome's back, or on Miroku's shoulder. Unless Kirara was transformed, giving him that fuzzy, highly-comfortable alternative option.

`Although…' Miroku glanced at the snoring kitsune. He sighed in resignation when he realized the kitsune was close to being too big for his clothing again.  Miroku absently made a note to speak with the girls about getting the boy a larger kimono and hakama as he settled in to take the first watch.  `If he had any idea of the hell Kagome suffered at night, he would be worried.  It's probably better that he sleeps through them.'

When Miroku looked at the miko again, their gazes locked for just a moment. She curled her hands up under her cheeks, her expression particularly vulnerable and even pleading as they discreetly stared at each other. 

Miroku hated that look.

But it was there night after night… And no amount of comfort seemed to take away her nightmares.  All he could do was incline his head, and let his eyes warm with loving reassurance. Silently promising he would be there when she invariably woke up.

She relaxed slightly, smiling at him in silent thanks. With that accomplished, she burrowed down in the blanket and rolled to put her back to the fire.  Miroku settled his back against a tree, folding his hands as continued to watch her. Using the rhythmic pattern of her breathing, he drew his mind into a more meditative state. But no sooner had the patter smoothed out into deeper sleep; he found is view obstructed by a familiar, blood-red hakama.

Miroku tensed as his calm shattered. His instincts screaming a warning that for Inuyasha to be here now -when his ritual for every night in the last four years was to be out searching- was a serious matter. And a more personal instinct was warning him that whatever the hanyou wanted couldn't be good.  That Inuyasha had obviously been waiting for Kagome to fall asleep, and come directly to him made him even less inclined to be optimistic.

"Follow, bouzu," Inuyasha growled out in a low whisper meant for Miroku's ears only.

Miroku frowned at the command. Tilting his head back to meet those inhumanly golden eyes, he murmured back, "Inuyasha, it's late and-"

"That wasn't a request," Inuyasha cut him off with sharp impatience.  "Walk or I'll drag you. It makes no difference, but you are coming with me. Now."

The monk swore under his breath, but recognized the futility in arguing further. He nodded and rose to his feet, shooting a discreet, concerned look at Kagome's sleeping figure. To cover that action, his gaze swept over to Sango next. And then off into the woods as though only checking their surroundings. "I can't go far, Inuyasha.  It's my watch, and doing so would be irresponsible of me."

Inuyasha's attention was intent enough on Miroku to have caught the subtle difference in the way the monk was looking at Kagome.  His fists clenched so hard his knuckles turned white. And it was only by some miracle that he hadn't punctured his own palms with his claws.  `How could I have missed this?'  When had he gotten so distracted that he'd missed seeing the way Kagome had changed?  The way she'd withdrawn?  …Or turned to Miroku?

Turning on his heel, Inuyasha stalked into the woods before he gave into his urge to slam the monk's head against the trees. To beat him until Miroku had forgotten his apparent infatuation with the miko, with his miko.  That could wait until they were far enough away to escape the notice of the others.

Inuyasha didn't have to fake the harsh, suppressed anger in his voice as paused to scowl back at Miroku impatiently. "Move it.  I haven't got all fucking night to waste on you."

Miroku nodded reluctantly and followed the hanyou off into the trees. Sango lay perfectly motionless as she watched their retreat through barely parted lashes. She kept her chest rising and falling in a deceptively steady rhythm as she waited. Once the sounds of the night had completely returned to undisturbed quiet, Sango opened her eyes.

Kirara's blinked up at her sleepily, rumbling a question when the taijiya slowly pushed herself up to a seated position.  Sango reached out to stroke the youkai's cheek and soothe her with a whispered, "Easy. Go back to sleep, Kirara.  I'm not going out of the camp tonight."

The transformed cat watched her for another moment before sighing and laying her head back to the ground to resume her rest.  Sango continued to pet her a moment longer. Her eyes unfocused, filling with introspection before she turned to gaze at Kagome's slumbering form.

Sango came to her feet, making her way around the fire. Careful to be quiet in an effort not to wake Kagome, she knelt beside the miko's shoulder. She reached out to brush a wayward strand of her bangs out of the younger girl's face tenderly.  It wasn't often that it was just the two of them anymore, even if they were at a city or bathing. But even alone, Sango still couldn't say what she wanted to the miko's face. "Kagome-chan…  I'm so sorry…"

Kagome shifted restlessly in her sleep. Almost as though the taijiya's uncertain guilt and pain were feeding her dreams.  Sango's eyes clenched shut when the miko rolled onto her back. But after a moment, she forced herself to turn her gaze back to the vicious scar marring her friend's face. `If I had killed Kohaku-or if I hadn't protected himall those times…  Forgive me,Kagome-chan,you lost your family,your entire world.Because of me. Because I couldn't let him go.'

Sango's lips twisted in disgust as she tucked her knees up to her chest. Wrapping her arms around her knees and hiding her face against them as she whispered, "I've got no right to be angry with Inuyasha for every time he's made you cry.  I was always angry with him for hurting you… choosing a shell with Kikyou's face.  But how was I different, Kagome-chan?  Kohaku was already dead too."

Her shoulders seemed to buckle under the weight of her own shame. Shaking as she fought to contain the pain slowly eating away at her soul, even after so many years.  All she had to do was look at Kagome, see the changes and the scars and she was reminded.  She owed Kagome a debt she could never repay for taking advantage of the miko's soft heart. Feeding her selfish desire to pretend her brother was still alive under Naraku's control... That she could somehow find a way to save him.  Naraku would have killed Kohaku anyway when his usefulness had passed and still she had held her pointless hope.

Her head lifted, shining eyes returning to Kagome's face. "You should hate me.  Maybe I wouldn't hurt so much if you would just yell at me, Kagome-chan. Why don't you scream? Beat at me…  Why don't you accuse me of destroying your family?!" she demanded in a harsh whisper. Her voice broke as the tears finally slipped past her attempts to hold them in.  `Why couldn't you have yelled?  Why did you have to apologize to me?  It was myfault!!  My responsibility!'

She swallowed hard against the feel of her throat closing with emotion. Her stomach turned with nausea with every hated, disgusted thought. `Why, Kagome-chan?  It's my fault you lost them…  Why couldn't you hate me the way I hate myself for what I've done to you?!  After all you've done for me…'

Sango buried her head in her hands. "Why did you have to cry for me?"

~

Miroku eased down onto the rocky shore of the still lake beside Kagome's motionless form. Unable to hide the concern in his eyes, he looked at her moonlit face. "It's late, Kagome-sama…"

She was silent for so long the monk was about to grab her shoulder, intending to shake her. To snap her out of whatever daze she was trapped in.  Yet just as he started to reach for her, she finally responded…  Nothing moved but her lips. Her eyes grey and unblinking, she stared at the low hanging moon. Even the sound of her voice was disinterested, dull, "Is it?"

"Kagome-sama, what is happening to you?" Miroku closed his eyes. It was a struggle to force himself to be calm. When he wanted to scream at her, slap her, anything that would get a real emotion out of her.  He wanted so very badly to banish whatever darkness held her soul and bring back the Kagome their group had come to love… But he didn't know how.

Not since she had healed enough for them to start searching again.

Inuyasha was absent more often than not. Searching ahead for rumors or scouting for traps. But whenever the hanyou was near, Kagome would pretend.

She would smile for them. She would laugh, yell… But if Inuyasha were to really look close, he would have seen that the spark was gone from her changing eyes.  Eyes that had once been vivid, sparkling blue-grey were now dull and flat. The unique blue was steadily losing ground to a growing ring of solid unfeeling grey.

Miroku was the only one who had looked.

To his eyes, Kagome was playing her part.

It wasn't that she did anything wrong, per se. Just rather that everything she did had been rehearsed to perfection.  The passion and fire that was so intrinsically Kagome had been bled away with the magic that ruined the well. And left this… performer behind in her place.

Yet, Inuyasha was distracted enough that the change had gone unnoticed. Or perhaps the hanyou just didn't want to see what was in front of him.  Miroku wasn't certain. Whatever it was, Inuyasha showed no awareness or acknowledgement to the variation. And with his habit of racing off at night, he was equally oblivious to the nightmares that plagued the young miko.

"You should go back to sleep," Kagome was saying softly. Avoiding his question and dispersing the resentful turn his thoughts had taken as a cool wind swept in off the lake.  With the butchered kimono she was wearing, she should have at least shivered. But the only movement was the thick curtain of her glossy hair. "The sun will be up in a few hours."

"You need rest more than-" Miroku broke off suddenly. He let out a slightly choked sound of pain when a twinge shot from his cursed hand up to his shoulder.  His gaze dropped down to it immediately, his fist mechanically clenching. Unable to resist gripping the sealing beads when a wave of cold fear snaked through his stomach.

Kagome's head finally turned towards him. Her brows rose in inquiry as she prodded for the reason he had stopped, "Miroku-sama?"

"I… I think… you should return to camp, Kagome-sama," his voice lowered harshly as he gripped his wrist. The muscles in his hand spasmed and pulsed until a tiny curl of wind seeped from the edge of his glove.  `So it ends with me…' His eyes filled with regret as he looked up at Kagome's slowly focusing gaze.

Her brows furrowed in confusion, following his line of sight down to his sealed hand. "The void-?"

"My time appears to have expired," he interrupted her quiet murmur. Miroku reached over with his good hand to squeeze her knee.  "I would have liked to seen the end to this, but at least-"

"Shut up."

Miroku stopped abruptly. His eyes filled with shock at the wealth of emotion in her voice. The most honest emotion he'd heard from her in months.  The wind from the Kazaana were gaining strength, tugging at their clothes as he watched her eyes fill with vibrant rage. "Kagome-sama…"

"That's it?" To his amazement a spark of flame entered her eyes and she leaned up to tangle her hand in his robes.  Miroku winced at the way the air around her heated. The telltale traces of magic snaking down her arm and snapping across his chest.

His eyes widened when she came to her knees. The aura around her fluctuated wildly.  He had wanted her out of her desolation, but this…?  The ferocity of emotion suddenly blazing in her eyes was almost frightening. "You have to get away from here! If you don't-!"

Miroku let out a startled shout when Kagome's hand slapped against his. Her fingers laced them together, clenching fiercely.  He didn't know how, but they stayed pressed palm to palm. Kagome's magic somehow bypassing the Kazaana. All around them the winds increased, nearby branches creaking as they started to pull inward. "No."

"What are-?!"

"I'm finished, Miroku," Kagome cut him off with a low growl. The tracers changed from those sporadic flashes, condensing into a more focused stream. Pouring down to where their hands met.  She couldn't have explained it if she tried. But one minute she'd felt the same as she had for nearly a year. Unfeeling, and dead inside… going through the motions of living more from habit than from any real desire.

The she'd felt Miroku's fear. Felt the sudden rise of wind centered at his hand.

And something snapped.

She had seen everything from that day flash through her mind. Hearing Naraku's voice whisper in her ear all over again, mocking and sickeningly triumphant.  Looking at Miroku's face as he stared at his hand, she'd felt that same sudden flash of power that had hit her that day. The instant knowledge of what she had the power to do.

"Naraku took my family in the future, Miroku." Kagome's eyes sparked and began to glow as her rage deepened.  "That fucking bastard isn't going to take anyone else away from me!"

Miroku went taut when he felt the change in her magic. His hand seemed to burn from the inside of his palm out. The feeling slowly spread out to the tips of his fingers and traveled inexorably up his arm. "Kagome-sama!?"

"He can't have you." Her hand squeezed tighter on his, the other lifting to press over his heart as her eyes closed in concentration.  The most unimaginable burn spiraled through him in a dizzying rush that punched the breath from his lungs. Nearly doubling him over the smaller girl as the searing heat expanded through the rest of his body.

`So this is what it feels like… Being purified by a miko.' He thought distantly, gripping his forearm as though he could stop the pain through that action alone.  The wind from the Kazaana added to the energy pouring off her gave Kagome a nearly feral appearance. All of her focus turned in on him… on finding the corruption of Naraku's curse and purifying as much as she could.

There was a full frozen moment in time when Miroku thought not even Kagome's power was enough.But before the thought had fully concluded,his palm rippled and then began to pulse witha completely different sensation.  Theair around them went into a stagnant pause, waveringback and forth.But then the wind abruptly reversed, spiraling rapidly back into his hand. And vanishing back beneath the sealing beads... As calm and quiet as though the Kazaanahad never been disrupted at all.

Miroku sat gaspingas the night fully settled around them. His shoulders shaking as he continued to stare at Kagome's sparking figure.Her jaw remained set, focusedintentlyon smoothing a moresubdued flow of magic through his body.`She… closed the void?  It feels… so much smaller.'

Kagome didn't let go of his hand for a long time,determined to forcethe curseof the Kazaana to work backwards.  Her entire body started to shiver as the heat from her magic faded.The severe drain leaving her cold all the way to the core of her soul.  She crumpled wearilyunder the weight of her exhaustion.Bracing one fist on the ground while she clasped her other over her heart and fought to re-center her spinning head. `Maybe I should start paying more attention to how to use my magic…'

Kagome was vaguely aware of Miroku staring at his hand, massaging his palmin a distracted sort of way.She swallowed hard, struggling to find her voice asshe reached out towards him."Miro-?"

She never completed to breathless question.

Miroku's hand snapped out and caught hers,yanking her forward.Thrown off-balance,she fell against his chestas his arm banded around her waist.His mouth fastened over hers in a hard kiss full of desperate gratitude… and something else.

They broke apart in a rush.Staring at each other with nearly identical expressions of stunned amazementas what had just happened processed in their minds.

Kagome lifted ashaking hand to her tingling lips before letting it drop to her racing heart.`He… that…'

Miroku had opened his mouth to rush out a heartfelt apology for probably the first time in his life under these circumstances.ButKagome's fingers suddenly pressed to his own lips to prevent it. Confused, he blinked down at her and obediently waited for her to speak.

Kagome hesitated, indecision chasing across her face before she simply looked directly into his eyes."My…first kiss."  

He couldn't prevent the way his eyes widened as he searched hers.The sudden flicker of happiness at seeing the old shy sparkle had returned to her gaze whenshe leaned forward. There was afaint blush coloring her cheeks as she moved her fingers away and pressed a feather-light kiss to his mouth.

Miroku's cursed hand tightened where they had yet to release each other. Unwinding the arm about her waist to gently cup her face in the other and turn it up for a confident, leisurely kiss.

~

"She isn't yours."

Miroku's thoughts snapped out of the distant memory. The faint smile that had been gracing his lips melted away as he met the banked rage in Inuyasha's golden eyes. Frowning, he glanced around the small clearing the hanyou had led him into to feel out just how far they had traveled. "Kagome-sama is not anyone's to claim."

"By human standards." Inuyasha's brows lowered in a warning scowl. Unable to stop the animalistic rumble in his throat at the warmth he could still see in the monk's eyes.  `You were fucking thinking something about Kagome…'

"She is human." Miroku tightened his hold on his shakujou instinctively at the shiver of menace he felt roll down his spine.  Inuyasha was looking at him with a deceptively flat expression. But the hanyou's eyes were gleaming with something perfectly dangerous that had all his senses on alert.

Inuyasha shot forward before Miroku had the chance so much as flinch. His clawed hand wrapped chokingly tight around the monk's throat. Bodily lifting the monk off his feet, Inuyasha slammed him back against the nearest tree with a violent snarl. "If you've fucking touched her-!"

"What?!" Miroku shot back, hands grabbing at Inuyasha's fingers and trying to pry them open before his throat was crushed.  He could feel his own temper rising sharply. The strain and frustration of hiding his growing feelings for Kagome from everyone finally snapping as Miroku met Inuyasha's challenge. "If I've touched her, you'll fucking do what?!  Kill me?  Yell at her?  What, Inuyasha?!"

"What the hell happened to your infatuation with Sango, hn?" Inuyasha hissed back with his own question rather than answer. Barely restraining the instincts that had his anger growing more intense as it fed off the monk's. He pulled Miroku away from the tree only to slam him back against it harder than before.  "Youhave a bitch. You can damn well keep your perverted tongue out of mine!"

Miroku's eyes widened at the accusation. "What?"

Inuyasha's eyes narrowing to slits as he put himself face-to-face with Miroku. Wanting to see his eyes, feel his panic. Wanting to make the monk suffer the same agonizing feeling of realization Inuyasha had felt. "You kissed her… at the well."

He tensed, searching the hanyou's nearly feral expression with a sinking sense of impending disaster. "You were spying on us?"

Inuyasha pivoted and flung the monk to the ground. Sneering at his fallen form and fighting against the voice in his head telling him to rip the man apart. "I was protecting my fucking miko, bouzu!  MINE!!"

"You've never been there before," Miroku challenged. Slowly he rose to his feet and held his staff up in an openly defensive stance.  "I fail to see how it's any of your business what she and I do."

For a moment Inuyasha was certain he was about to lose his control completely. Standing there, looking at that revoltingly benign smirk on Miroku's face. But he managed to hold back a split second before he actually launched himself at the monk.  Inuyasha could feel the muscle in his jaw twitching rapidly with suppressed rage as he ground out in a barely comprehensible voice, "If you don't back the fuck off of Kagome, bouzu… Sango's going to have more than enough to cut your heart out over when I get finished with you. If I get finished with you."

Miroku's eyes flashed with pain. He set his jaw, gritting his teeth for a tense moment before he admitted in a subdued tone, "I have spent seven years being rejected, Inuyasha. As Kagome has been rejected.  Sango is there, but not really there.  My feelings have not changed. But there comes a time when one realizes they must move on to a more welcoming embrace."

Inuyasha's eyes widened slightly in disbelief before he caught himself and twisted his expression back into a scowl. His lip curled off his fangs as he denied fiercely, "Kagome hasn't been rejected."

Miroku's brows rose at that flat denial. The disgusted anger that had been simmering just below the surface for so very long seeped out into his voice as he challenged, "Is that so?  What the hell do you call all those years of going back and forth with Kikyou? What about all your insults and insistences that Kagome was nothing to you?  In your selfish goddamn mind, Kagome was only allowed to look at you or you'd fucking blow up.  But you…?  You could do whatever you pleased…  You don't even look at her anymore. Not more than you have to ever since she was cut."

Inuyasha was on him again. This time slamming the monk to the ground as Miroku managed to block the attack with his staff. Inuyasha readjusted his position, bracing his knee on the blessed wood and putting his weight into it. Forcing Miroku to use both hands in his efforts to keep the shakujou in place or have his throat crushed by his own weapon. "You have no fucking idea what you're talking about."

"It's clear to all of us," Miroku ground out. It was a fight to keep his expression taunting and confident in the face of the hanyou's rage. But he somehow managed.  "You don't even stay to protect her at night.  You don't know that when she wakes up, I'm the one making her feel safe. I'm the one who's holding her."

Inuyasha's eyes went wide, his mind blanking at the thoughts that instantly flared to life at the smug smirk on Miroku's face. The innuendo the monk had intended for him to hear in those challenging words.  Inuyasha slowly bent to make sure the two of them were staring into each other's eyes before he spoke again. His voice was low and deadly as he growled out, "You aren't going to have to be afraid of that fucking void much longer if you've done what you're suggesting, bouzu."

Miroku readjusted his hands on his staff, readying himself for the hanyou's reaction to his next response. "If Kagome and I have chosen to be intimate it is no one's concern but our own, Inuyasha."