InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Hanyou on a Hot Plate: Guess Who's Coming To Dinner ❯ Sanity Has Left the Building ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter Two: Sanity Has Left the Building

 

Sesshomaru stood watching the half wit deliveryman carelessly wheel a half million dollar chandelier over the uneven sidewalk. A nerve in his jaw popped and he ground his teeth contemplating pulling off the boy's head than bouncing it against the nearest lamppost.

 

The wind picked up and an errant gust blew the tops of the palmetto trees. Sesshomaru pulled out his Blackberry and made a quick note to have the palm trees decked out in white lights. His advisors had insisted Charleston was the new bastion of culture and Gods they'd better be right. He was going all out on the latest addition of his restaurant; this one was to christened Sesshou: Magnolia.

 

 

The restaurant business and his producer-ship at Food Network served two purposes. They helped him multiply his already extensive fortune and control his temper. As a celebrity it was much more difficult to pop the heads of mortals who frustrated him, when even his latest speeding ticket was worthy of coverage by Entertainment Weekly, the Tonight Show and National Inquirer.

 

Sesshomaru fell into step beside the delivery boy who in fact was actually at least twenty eight. He growled low, “Boy! If you break that Chantilly crystal chandelier I promise there will be hell to pay.”

 

The guy shot him a fast sideway glance and gave a one handed salute, “Um, sure Sir, don't worry. I got it all under control.” He hit a large crack in the sidewalk and a soft musical tinkle sounded from within the crate on his dolly. Not broken but it had been close.

 

Sesshomaru flexed his remaining right hand and his knuckles cracked as soft green sparks emitted from his fingertips. The deliveryman pointed, “Man, are you all right? I think your hand's on fire or something.”

 

Just than his personal cel buzzed in his jacket pocket, he snatched up the phone. Stupid mortal…saved by the bell.

 

“Yes?” He answered in a fast clip. He was shocked by the soft feminine voice that answered in Japanese. He flipped the phone quickly checking the caller id.

 

“Sesshomaru-sama?” It was his insipid half brother's woman. Actually she wasn't so bad; t'was a shame the same couldn't be said for the filthy half-breed.

 

“I wanted to invite you to Christmas Eve dinner.” His clever pointed ears told him she was pacing her kitchen as she spoke.

 

He frowned. “And why should I care for a such mortal and Christian tradition?”

 

Kagome's voice was fast and breathless, “You are…the closest thing to a relative any of us has on this side of the globe…I thought it'd be a good idea if we…tried to get along.”

 

He cut straight to the point, “The spawn doesn't know about this does he?”

 

“Spawn? Oh Inuyasha! …not so much but he'll get used to it I'm sure.”

 

Sesshomaru surprised her and himself by throwing his head back in laughter. “Ah to possess such self assurance combined with wicked feminine wiles.”

 

“Perhaps...” Kagome wasn't really sure how to answer that.

 

“As I recall the last time we were in the same room it nearly resulted in a law suit and a criminal record. I am sure you have a charming home, why sacrifice it to something as insane as this?” He waited for her to confess the true intention behind the phone call.

 

She admitted, “I'm pregnant. I want my baby to have your protection. As I understand in feudal times this was not an uncommon tradition.”

 

This was unexpected. “It is within your rights to do such a thing but it does acknowledge me as your superior.” He waited to see what she thought about that statement.

 

“I'm your half brother's wife. He's your only brother.”

 

Sesshomaru cut her off, “We've no proof he's Father's only bastard.” But he knew he was.

 

“He is. So you are as good as full brothers and that affords me your protection were I ever to need it.”

 

Sesshomaru studied a well manicured talon. The delivery man took advantage of his distraction and made a break for it. “So you wish me to attend this dinner and swear protection over the latest mixed embarrassment to my formerly honorable bloodline.”

 

Kagome decided this was the best answer she'd get so she went along with it. “Yes.”

 

“What time?”

 

“Six pm on December twenty fourth and that's a Saturday.” She was looking the Golden Retriever calendar Inuyasha had purchased from the bookstore.

 

“I'll be there.” If only for the entertainment value alone.

 

“Please….refrain from trying to kill my husband. It'd mean a lot to me if you two didn't burn the house down.”

 

Sesshomaru shrugged. She was inviting him so whatever happened wouldn't be his fault. ” “As long your husband is polite I will be as well.”

 

_-_-_-_-_

 

Kagome clicked the end button and sat the phone on its base. Now all she had to do was accomplish the impossible and tell Inuyasha.

 

She heard the front door open and the sound of Kiki's claws as she danced around Inuyasha on the wood floor of the foyer. The dog followed him into the kitchen. He had his arms full of Piggly Wiggly bags that he promptly sat on the counters.

 

Inuyasha took Kagome in his arms and kissed her. “One for you.” Then he bent down, pulled up her shirt and kissed her bared belly. “And one for you.”

 

The gesture was so sweet Kagome's guilt began to eat her alive. She picked up a bag and began putting cans of green beans into the pantry. Inuyasha was beside her in a second, taking the bag from her. “Don't do that. Go sit down or something. I've got this.”

 

He all but pushed her into the chair and even retrieved a cushion from the living room for her back. Kiki sat at her feet looking up at her with solemn eyes. Damn it, the dog knows! How is that even possible?

 

Kiki whined softly and continued her accusing stare. Kagome waved her away hissing, “I'll tell him soon I swear!”

 

Inuyasha waltzed by balancing three twelve packs of diet coke. “Tell me what?” He sat the cartons in the pantry and winked at Kiki as he stepped over her to pick up the last bag.

 

Kagome crossed her arms over her belly resenting the uncanny bond the dog and her ex-dog yokai husband had established behind her back. She dropped her eyes to the floor. “Oh it's nothing really.”

 

Inuyasha filled the tea kettle with cold water and sat it on the stove. “What's nothing?”

 

Kagome pushed her hair back from her bloated pregnant face and wondered if she should take the advice from the women in her Lamaze class and cut it all off. “We're having a guest over for dinner on Christmas Eve.”

 

“Oh?” His tone was bored and she knew he was on the verge of tuning her out. “Kim's gonna be in town for Christmas? Doesn't she usually go someplace hot?”

 

Kagome bit her lip. “It's not Kim.”

 

Inuyasha was measuring out loose green tea into her best jade colored tea pot. “Who then?”

 

“A relative.”

 

He turned to face her with a big grin. “Souta's coming! I miss the squirt.” Inuyasha frowned, “Though I supposed Dr. Souta is probably much taller than the kid I remember.”

 

“Not Souta.” Kagome was rethinking her plan.

 

“Then who Kagome?”

 

Kiki dropped her head to the floor and waited for the other shoe to drop. Inuyasha tripped over her and stumbled before regaining his balance. He bit back a curse as he'd been trying to cut back on his bad language before the baby came.

 

Kagome took a deep breath. “Sesshomaru.”

 

His eyes widened and then he laughed, “Very funny. Good one Kagome. All those hormones have warped your sense of humor.” The tea kettle whistled with it's boil and he picked it up and filled the teapot.

 

Her voice was so soft his now mortal ears almost missed what she said, “I wasn't kidding.”

 

Inuyasha's head came up and she saw his eyes burning with a deep livid anger. “What the fuck are you trying to do? Kill us all?”

 

Kagome wiggled uncomfortably in her chair. “I just want someone who can take care of the baby if something happens to us.”

 

Inuyasha put his hand to her face checking for a fever. She has to be sick! That's the only explanation for this. “We have Kim for that and it would only be until your got here. Why would you want that bastard to take the baby?” He tugged at his own long dark hair declaring, “Look what he did to me?”

 

Kagome answered carefully, “It was your choice to be mortal, and he only sealed you inside the Tetsusaiga.” Inuyasha nodded because she was right and no matter how mad he was, he never wanted her to think he regretted his decision. Because until this moment he never had.

 

She continued and her tone got higher as she spoke, “Anyway the baby is half Shikon no Tama miko and hanyou what if it has powers? Or people after it, things too big for us to stop.”

 

Inuyasha saw though his haze of anger that these were things she'd been seriously worried about. He puffed up his chest. “Ain't nothing too big for me!” How could she forget that?

 

He narrowed his eyes and added, “If anyone would go after such a child then it would be Sesshomaru. `Sides I'm fully mortal and I think the kid will be to. There is nothing for you to worry about. We don't need to petition him for protection.”

 

Kagome burst into spontaneous tears; this had become a frequent occurrence as of late so Inuyasha was expecting it. “I'm so sorry. I just wanted what was best for us. He's the only family you have! We should try to fix things.”

 

Inuyasha watched the fat tears roll down her shiny face and realized he was way out of his league. He decided to take some time out and see if she'd just get over it. “I dunno, let me think on it!” Then he pocketed the phone and fled the kitchen for the only place he ever got any peace. His beloved roof.

 

_-_-_-_-_

Inuyasha sat on the roof watching his neighbors hang Christmas lights. Kagome wanted her own lights and he'd yet to get around to it. At first the neighborhood was concerned that he liked to sit on his roof but now they were used to him and he was just another one of the beloved odd characters Charleston was famous for.

 

Inuyasha didn't have much if any experience with pregnant women. First of all a woman carrying a child that was wanted back in the Warring States era was kept close to home and carefully watched. Babies often died so many people didn't pay them any attention until they could walk. In fact some were so superstitious they would call the baby something vulgar or common, like rock or turd. It wasn't until it was the child was over a year old and thriving that he was given his actual name. A proud or beautiful name was seen by some as a challenge to the Gods to take a weak infant. Thank the Gods; Inuyasha's mother was above such stupidity, though with the names Koga and Sesshomaru had adopted for him, it wasn't immediately apparent.

 

Second of all, unless you were very familiar with a woman it was difficult to tell under all the robes they wore if she was pregnant. Inuyasha's own mother Izayoi wore such elaborate robes she could've had another person under there and he wouldn't have known it until she hugged him.

 

Inuyasha racked his brain for someone he could call who was a normal person who would understand the pregnant insanity that reigned in his household. Then he picked up the phone.

 

Darryl was one of the first people Kagome met from the University of Charleston and had even recommended her for the job. He was a reasonable sort as far as Inuyasha could tell and had been overly blessed with four children all daughters.

 

Inuyasha got straight to the point once Darryl recovered from his surprise over the call. Usually Kagome did all the calling. No one even realized Inuyasha knew how to work a phone. “Hey Inu, where are you calling from? I could've sworn I just heard a plane passing overhead?”

 

Inuyasha took a deep breath and jumped in, “Kagome's lost her mind. I have this…half brother. He's a real ass. But she wants to have him over for …”

 

What was the name of that stupid new holiday? Oh yeah….

 

“Christmas Eve dinner! She thinks we can call a truce and be friends. But she doesn't know him, I thought she did but obviously she doesn't. What the hell am I gonna do? This is some baby thing…right?” He tapped his nails on the shingle beside him.

 

Darryl laughed, “Sure is. She's nesting.”

 

“What the fuck…err I mean hell… is nesting?” Inuyasha slumped against the roof incline balancing the phone between his head and shoulder. Life was so much easier when most of his problems could be solved by the beating and hacking of things with his Tetsusaiga.

 

Darryl explained, “This is her first child, she's new to the hormones and she wants every thing to be perfect.”

 

Inuyasha thought back to when he'd found her ironing the baby clothes she'd purchased. Yeah that sounded right. “Nesting huh? Well, what can I do to stop this? I don't want this man anywhere near her.”

 

“Why, is he the devil?” Darryl was closer than he knew.

 

Inuyasha almost had to put the phone down to think on this. “He'd like to be.” That was an adept description.

 

Darryl's voice broke up and Inuyasha had scoot down the roof for a stronger signal. “Look man, let me be straight with ya Inu, She's pregnant and emotional. There isn't anything you can do except go along with it or else she'll be pissed at you the rest of the pregnancy.”

 

Inuyasha was crestfallen; he hated it when Kagome was mad, especially at him. What would he do if she refused to let him touch her belly? These stakes were higher than he liked. “Really?”

 

“Yeah but after the baby's born someday she'll see reason, apologize and you two can laugh about it.”

 

That idea was appealing. He still loved it when Kagome was wrong. It didn't happen often but oh boy when it did. “How long does that take?”

 

Darryl paused then admitted in open honesty. “Ten years or so.”

 

Inuyasha lost his composure and forgot who he speaking to. “Baka! I don't have that long. There's gotta be a way for the wench to see damned reason, she's trying to fucking kill me!”

 

Darryl ignored the breakdown. “Yeah it feels that way now but just wait until she gives birth. Make sure there is nothing she can throw at you with in reach of the bed. Last time my wife lobbed a vase at me.”

 

“Gods no! Really?” He was breaking out in a cold sweat. His day was going from bad to worse. First Kagome had gone crazy and he knew there wasn't a chance in hell of make up sex even if she admitted she was wrong. Now he was also in danger of bodily damage, and even though it wasn't as if he couldn't handle a mere woman; if she quit speaking to him, he'd die.

 

Darryl was quick to add, “Well she was really sorry later but women know this is the one time in life they have a get out of jail free card and we have to honor it. I mean do you want to give birth to the kids?”

 

Inuyasha considered this impossible task and felt decidedly queasy. “Fuck no!”

 

He'd seen the video at the Lamaze classes Kagome insisted on dragging him to. He was never so humiliated in his whole life when the naked woman appeared on the TV screen. After he got over the shock of all the nudity he was terrified for Kagome. He'd seen animals give birth but in the Warring States time men were forbidden from the birthing room. Now he knew why and quite frankly he thought it was a good idea. Sadly Kagome disagreed with this.

 

Darryl laughed, “Ahmen brother. Hey I'm on my way out to Coconut Joe's for a beer, why don't you meet me there?”

 

As a rule Inuyasha avoided alcohol. He hated feeling out of control. After battling his yokai side and turning human on the night of the new moon, he preferred sobriety. Today though the need for male companionship out weighed his normal principals and he agreed. Also a good stiff drink might help.

 

_-_-_-_

Notes:

 

This chapter is dedicated to Charlie who knows more about childbirth and babies than any man should. Congrats on the new baby.

 

BTW: Of course I don't own Inuyasha.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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