InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Heart's Landfill ❯ Heart to Heart ( Chapter 40 )

A/N: As always all characters will be walking that fine line called OOCness. Lemon Warning!! It's three in the morning and I'm wide awake so I figured I mightiest well go ahead and update, since the Thanksgiving madness will start tomorrow and I won't have time to update any other time this week. Yep, I'm going to have a whole house full for the holiday, but I'm not doing any cooking, my mom, who arrived today, is going to be taking care of that. Anyway guys, I want you all to have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving and please enjoy this chapter because I thoroughly enjoyed writing it….lol. Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews, and a very special thanks goes out to my spectacular beta, Neko. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! I absolutely adore turkey day!!!

 

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership to anyone with the exception of Nya, Nola, Dr. Aikio, and Dinshu.

 

Chapter 40:

 

Heart to Heart

 

“Yeah? Well, I'm sure it isn't that bad.”

 

“It is, I swear! And Sesshomaru isn't any better, you know? When the damn doctors don't have my legs spread-eagled or are poking and prodding my belly, he's asking me every five seconds if I'm alright or if I need something!” She growled in order to show her irritation and continued, “I want to tell him to just go home, but he'd probably just give me that infamous glare of his and ignore me.”

 

“You can't fault him for being concerned, Rin. After all, you are about to give birth to two hellions, aren't you?”

 

She was quiet for a while before she spoke again. “Why can't you be here with me? I bet if you were here, he wouldn't be acting half as bad as he is.”

 

Inuyasha sighed as he leaned back on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table. “I wish I could be there, but there's something I need to take care of tonight. However, I promise you, I'll be there first thing in the morning.”

 

Glancing at the clock on the entertainment center that read 2:37 in the morning, he ran his fingers through his tangled hair lethargically, and shifted so that he was cradling the phone between the side of his head and his shoulder.

 

After he and Kagome had stopped by her place to pick up a few of her things for the night, they'd made it to his house in record time. They'd shared some small talk as they relaxed on the couch watching television, but mostly there was silence between them-to know fault of her own of course.

 

He had been preoccupied the entire night with every little sound that flitted to his ears from outside the door and windows. Sure, he knew that no one could gain access to his floor without the aid of building security or his pass, but that didn't stop him from being on guard. This would explain why at this hour of morning he was sitting up in the living room talking to his brother's mate, while his friend, his companion was sound asleep in his bedroom with her dog.

 

In addition to being preoccupied with keeping her safe, Inuyasha had also tried more than a few times during the night to broach the topic of his fight with Ginta. Unfortunately, every time he came close to saying something, his mouth would go dry and his tongue felt like it had swollen to the size of a rotten codfish.

 

He knew he needed to tell her…to talk to her, but he knew that it would hurt her to hear the things that he'd heard. He also knew that in the end, even though telling her would serve to alleviate the guilt that he was feeling by keeping this from her, and make the things that were happening around her make more sense, it would still probably crush her heart.

 

At first, he'd tried going to bed with her, but all he was basically doing was tossing and turning, which in return was keeping her awake even though she didn't say anything about it. He'd contemplated having her help him get rid of some of his frustration, but quickly decided against that, because he didn't want her thinking that every time they saw each other, or spent the night together that they had to have sex.

 

In the end, he'd crawled out of bed, picked up his cell phone on the way out the bedroom, and dialed Rin's number hoping that she was awake. Of course, he didn't normally call her this late at night, but he figured that under the circumstances, it was worth a try.

 

“Rin, where's the asshole?”

 

“He went to get some coffee and something to snack on from down in the cafeteria.”

 

“How long has he been gone?” Inuyasha questioned, creating small talk since he couldn't make himself bring up the real reason why he'd called her in the first place.

 

“Not-”

 

He heard her hiss in pain and start breathing quickly in bursts of air and he sat up anxiously. “Are you okay?”

 

After a few more breaths, she replied breathlessly, “Yeah, it was just another contraction, but I'm fine.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, and if you ask me that again, I'm going to bar you from this hospital after I hang-up on you,” she snapped, her voice holding just enough censure to let him know that she wasn't kidding.

 

Relaxing back into his previous position, Inuyasha glanced around the darkened room and sighed lightly. There really was no reason to keep beating around the bush about this, was there? If he asked her, what could she really say? It's not like she would know whom he was talking about or what the situation was.

 

As if reading his mind, Rin questioned softly, “Lover, are you okay? It almost seems as if you have something on your mind.”

 

“Yeah…yeah, I'm fine,” he lied, then corrected quickly, “No, actually, I'm not. I…I need to get your opinion about something.”

 

Unlike most, he'd never really had a problem talking to Rin about anything, regardless of how asinine he may have thought it was. She always listened, always gave him her honest opinion, and never ever chastised him when he didn't adhere to hers.

 

“Well, I have nothing but time since it seems that these two really don't feel like meeting me or their father anytime soon, so what's on your mind?”

 

Inuyasha stood to his feet as he ran his fingers exasperatedly through his hair again. Stepping over to the sliding glass doors that led out to the balcony, he pulled them open, and stepped out as he stated softly, the cool night air tickling the skin of his bare chest, “Well, I have a hypothetical situation for you and I want you to give me your honest opinion, okay?”

 

“Alright, I'll try.”

 

Shuffling over to the railing, he stared down at the quiet city below as he began, “Say someone that you considered a special kind of friend knew something about you and your past, but they didn't tell you. Would you be mad? Would you feel like they kept something from you?”

 

Rin seemed to cogitate over that for a while before she spoke, “Well, if it was something trivial, then I would be glad that they didn't tell me. However, if it was something that could possibly hurt me, I'd probably not consider that person a friend to begin with and I would more than likely end the friendship.”

 

Inuyasha internalized that for a moment. End the friendship, he thought; unable to explain why just the thought was enough to make his blood pressure rise.

 

Pushing that feeling to the back of his mind, he added, “What if the secret that this friend was keeping was something that would undoubtedly make the other person hurt even more than s/he already was? What if this friend thought that by keeping this secret, s/he was protecting the other person?”

 

“Is your brother cheating on me?” Rin questioned quickly without a hint of playfulness in her tone.

 

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and quipped, “Please, if he ever did something like that I'd castrate his fucking ass.”

 

“Oh, I was just wondering, because for a moment there-”

 

Cutting her off, the hanyou retorted mildly, “I told you this was hypothetical, didn't I?”

 

Rin was quiet as if she had to force her mind back to the topic at hand. “This sounds like a nasty little secret, Lover.”

 

Sitting down in one of his patio chairs, he affirmed quietly, “Hypothetically, it is.” He knew that he could've probably told Rin the entire story and she'd be able to truly advise him without pointing fingers or playing the blame game, but this wasn't her problem and he wanted to keep it that way.

 

“So, by keeping this secret, one friend believes that s/he is protecting the other from being emotionally hurt?” Rin queried evenly, making sure that she understood the situation correctly.

 

“Yeah, it's something like that.”

 

“Personally, I think that everyone has a right to know what is or is not being said about them, but if this friend truly believes that by knowing this secret it would cause the other person unnecessary pain, and if not knowing will not have any irreconcilable effects, then I don't really see a reason why this friend should say something to the other friend.”

 

“So, s/he shouldn't say anything?”

 

“No, I didn't say that. I said s/he shouldn't say anything if not knowing will not have any irreconcilable effects,” Rin reiterated softly. “I think what this friend needs to do is weigh his/hers options, because sometimes a secret even when kept for the right reasons can cause distrust where there was previously none. It can cause a person to begin to doubt another's intentions when had the secret been told to begin with, there would have been no doubts.”

 

The hanyou couldn't say with total certainty that he understood everything that Rin had just said, but the part about distrust and doubts hit a little too close to home for his liking.

 

This thing…this relationship…this friendship that he and Kagome shared was for the most part, distrust free. She didn't doubt him when he said something and he didn't doubt her.

 

No, he didn't want to cause any problems where there were none, but how could he open his mouth and let the words that he knew would decimate her soul flow freely? How could he deliberately wound her, when he promised her that he would never willingly hurt her?

 

Sure, talking to Rin helped, but he knew that in the end, what he decided to do would have to be his decision and his alone. And when he made that choice, it was going to have to be something that he could live with, regardless of the outcome.

 

Pushing his thoughts away, he declared sincerely, “Thanks for the advice, Rin. I'll make sure I let my friend know what you said.”

 

Rin giggled and replied, “Lover, now we all know that you don't have any friends.” Before he could intervene, she added quickly, “You do know that it is quite possible to tell the secret and protect this friend of yours, right?”

 

Inuyasha groaned lightly as he stood up and walked back into the living room. He should've known that she'd only let him go so far with his farce of a hypothetical situation before she called him on it. Settling back on the couch, his ears swiveled to the right and the left as he caught the sound of movement coming from the bedroom.

 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” he responded evenly, though he wore a grin on his face.

 

“Whatever,” she quipped dismissively.

 

He could hear the smile in her voice as he glanced up and watched Kagome step out of the darkness of the hallway and stop short, almost as if she thought she was interrupting something.

 

“Whatever yourself, Prego,” he taunted as Kagome shot him a look that was caught between confusion and annoyance.

 

Staring at her, he slowly took her in. Her mussed hair, the sleep that was still evident in her eyes, the way the old college t-shirt she slept in barely covered her hips. She was beautiful, gorgeous actually, and that was something that he knew he would never be able to deny, nor would he want to.

 

She turned to leave, a deep frown on her face, but he called out softly, “Come here.”

 

He'd forgotten about Rin until she spoke up again, “Who are you talking to? You know I can't go anywhere.”

 

Chuckling, he replied, “Not you, Wench.”

 

He watched Kagome stop and stare at him quizzically as if she didn't understand what was going on.

 

“Then who are you talking to, Inuyasha?” Rin questioned.

 

“Come here,” he stated again, holding his hand out to Kagome. She stared at him as if she was a dog, confused by the order her master had just given.

 

“What did I tell you about being so nosey?” he questioned into the phone.

 

“Well if you would stop trying to keep secrets I wouldn't have to be nosey, now would I?” Rin snapped teasingly. “Now stop trying to change the subject, who were you talking to?”

 

The hanyou watched as Kagome slowly inched her way towards him as if she was waiting for him to tell her to go away or something. Reaching out, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his lap as he situated himself back on the couch.

 

“A friend,” he replied while leaning forward, and placing a light kiss on the side of her neck, which must have helped her to relax, because she leaned back towards him. Encircling her waist with one arm, he pulled her back so that her shoulder was resting against his own.

 

“A friend? I already told you, Lover, you don't have any friends.”

 

Inhaling Kagome's saccharine scent, Inuyasha responded, “Oh, I think I might have one friend. You want to talk to her?”

 

Kagome sat up quickly and stared down at him, her eyes screaming, no.

 

“I'm so jealous!” Rin shouted, causing him to move the phone away from the side of his head.

 

“Well, you've got a whole husband, I'm sure you knew I would have to eventually get a friend or two.”

 

“Inuyasha, what's going on?” Kagome questioned, finding it hard to stay quiet any longer.

 

“But she's there with you when you should be here with me! That's not fair!” Rin whined.

 

“I already told you, I'm coming to see you in the morning, didn't I?”

 

“Inuyasha…” Kagome warned, pushing further away from him.

 

“Put her on the phone, I want to find out who this hussy is that has my lover staying away from me when I need him most,” Rin snapped, trying to truly sound annoyed.

 

Chuckling, he countered quickly, “This stays between us, okay?”

 

“Dog-boy!” Kagome snapped, hating the fact that she was being ignored.

 

“Who would I tell,” Rin questioned sheepishly.

“Oh, I don't know… Let me think…maybe your mate.”

 

Kagome stood up and started to storm off, but stopped and turned back to him, her hands on her hips. “Inuyasha, who the hell are you talking to at this ungodly hour?” she queried, her tone holding every ounce of irritation she was feeling.

 

“Okay, I promise. Besides, it seems as if you're about to get your butt kicked,” Rin acknowledged with a giggle after having heard the woman's outburst.

 

“Yeah, she's nuts. I'm just glad that I have a witness now,” he retorted. “Hold on.”

 

Staring at the pissed off woman, who appeared to have smoke coming from her ears, Inuyasha held the phone out for her to take and said, “She wants to talk to you.”

 

“Who?” Kagome bit out angrily.

 

Shrugging his shoulders, he replied, “Just take it, and don't believe anything she says. I haven't been sleeping with her, I promise.”

 

Slapping his hand away, she hissed, “What? I know you didn't leave me in bed to come out here and have phone sex with one of your skanky ass whores!”

 

He almost laughed, but was able to stave it off as he stood to his feet. Reaching for her hand, he closed her fingers around the device and reiterated, “She wants to talk to you,” as he turned and headed towards the bedroom.

 

Inuyasha had already made it down the long hallway and into the bedroom before he heard her say, “Hello,” and at that moment, he wanted to burst out laughing because when she found out that she'd acted like a total baka over Rin, she'd feel like an ass, and when Rin found out that his friend was Higurashi Kagome, she'd damn near lose her mind.

 

Patting Ashton on the back of his rump, Inuyasha made the dog move over from his side of the bed and climbed in. At the end of his and Rin's conversation it was all laughs and jokes, but he still needed to figure out what he was going to do.

 

Ashton shifted and turned so that his head was in the hanyou's lap. Raking his claws lazily through the pup's fur, he continued to weigh his options.

 

He knew that this decision that he needed to make really wasn't that difficult. Either, he told her or he didn't. The hard part was how much to tell her and the repercussions of telling her, or not telling her?

 

Okay, Inuyasha, what's the worst that would happen if you told her everything that Ginta told you, including the parts about how that prick set up his wife to walk in on them in bed, and the whole passing her around to his friends thing? What's the worst that could happen?

 

Seriously, he didn't even want to think about that, because she…Kagome had one of the worst tempers he'd ever been privy to witnessing.

 

He figured her initial reaction would be that he'd used or rather took advantage of her because he knew what she'd already been through. Then she'd break just about every fucking thing she got her hands on by throwing them at him. She'd then curse him every name in the book, and then take her overnight bag, Ashton, and storm out.

 

Once she got home, she'd cry herself to sleep then wake up the next day and do it all over again. All the while, internalizing what he told her. She'd damn near manifest a way to blame herself for not seeing it, for not knowing the difference between the man she thought she loved and his friend.

 

Behind this…behind what he told her, she'd probably become depressed, withdrawn, and angry.

 

Like she was when I met her. She was so cold, so angry...so untouchable. I could tell even back then that she was hurt because she wore it like a badge of honor; she wore it as if she'd earned it, when she hadn't. All of the walls that she had surrounding her…protecting her, I've torn through those, even though it was not my intention, I tore through them. If I tell her…if I tell her, I'll be right back where I started from. I'll…I'll have to pray for another chance with her.

 

He couldn't explain why the thought of starting over with her was even an option or why just the knowledge of her pushing him away was enough to make his head hurt and his stomach twist into a tight knot. After all, hadn't he-not even 18 hours ago-been trying to come up with some way of putting distance between them?

 

Hadn't he been telling himself that he needed to stop what was happening between them? Hadn't he basically told himself that being with her one-on-one, monogamously, was not something that he wanted?

 

Yes, he told himself all of that, and for a moment there he'd actually started to believe it. But now…now that he had the perfect solution to his problem, why was it that he found it so hard to put into play?

 

Because if I tell her; it's going to hurt her, and that's something that I don't want to do. Not only that, but if I tell her…if I tell her everything, how would I be able to protect her from these bastards, when she'll basically want nothing to do with me, he pondered dejectedly.

 

The hanyou felt as if he was going around in circles. Every answer led to one thing, which automatically led to another, which then led to another, and always ended at something that he just didn't want to happen; her being hurt, or her forcing him out of her life permanently.

 

But I want that, don't I? He quickly answered that line of thought, No, I don't want that. I just…I just want us to be together, but on my terms.

 

He knew that was an immature thought, but it was the truth regardless of how selfish and self-centered it was. If they were special friends on his terms then he'd be better able to control his feelings, he'd be able to put a stop to the feelings that he knew he was developing for her, and in return possibly stop her from falling for him.

 

Is it so bad, really? Inuyasha thought, stroking Ashton's fur soothingly. If I just follow my own advice and go with the flow. Is it so bad to actually allow myself to fall for her…to really be with her?

 

Shaking his thoughts off as he heard her end her call with Rin, Inuyasha directed his attention towards the door.

 

“How could you do that to me?” Kagome shouted, stepping into the doorway, her hands gripping her hips.

 

“Do what? You wanted to know who I was talking to, didn't you?” the hanyou replied with a cheeky grin.

 

“Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you?” She questioned, not really expecting an answer as she stomped over to her side of the bed. Tossing his cell phone at him, she continued, “What the hell were you hoping to accomplish, Takahashi? How the hell was I supposed to explain to her why I was over here at 3 in the morning?”

 

“Feh, I just wanted a witness to how goddamn nuts you are,” he retorted as he watched her pound her fist into her pillow seconds before she laid down on her back, her arms crossed over her chest.

 

He couldn't stop the smile that formed over his lips as he watched her silently curse him for putting her in such a predicament.

 

She's abso-fucking-lutely nuts, he thought pleasantly.

 

She was nothing like Kikyo, or any of the other women he dated, was she? She had a temper, and she never tried to pretend as if she didn't. She was emotional, and could cry at the drop of a hat, but she didn't hide it from him. She could curse with the best of them when she needed to, and be the perfect lady at other times. She never tried to be something that she wasn't just for him. She spoke her mind with little regard for how he would see her, and if he ever needed an ego check, she always made sure she was the one to give it to him.

 

Yes, she was definitely extremely different from any of the others, and maybe because of that, maybe she deserved a chance. More importantly, maybe because of her-because of who she was-he deserved to give himself another chance.

 

Would it be so bad? he questioned silently as he continued to gaze at her while she gnawed on her lower lip as if she was silently cogitating over something that she just couldn't quite wrap her head around. Maybe…maybe it wouldn't hurt to-

 

The feeling of something slapping hard against his bare chest drew him from his private thoughts and he flinched reaching for the item, but she moved her hand so fast that all he could do was stare at her as she sat up, her face set in a deep scowl and her eyes narrowed dangerously.

 

“Do you know how embarrassed I was when I found out that was Rin, Takahashi? I work with her for heaven's sake! How the hell was I suppose to explain my being here, you baka?” she snapped irritably, her hands on her hips.

 

One eyebrow quirked higher than the other, he watched as Ashton slowly scooted out of the way of the rage that was steadily building within her aura. “So, you hit me?” he questioned, his face a mask of perplexity while shifting so that his top half was facing her.

 

“I could kill you right now, but I don't want to go to jail!” she bit out. “How could you do that?”

 

The hanyou smirked, knowing from the beginning that she'd more than likely overreact.

 

“Didn't you say you wanted to keep what's going on between us, between us, and you go and do something like this? Don't you think she'll tell, your brother, and…” She sighed heavily as she sat up a little straighter. “I'll never be able to look at him in the eyes again! After I gawked at him like he was a piece of meat, then flashed my tits to him, I swear he's going to think I'm some kind of clueless slut that's just begging to jump into bed with a fucking Takahashi!” she finished with a vicious growl as she quickly picked up a pillow and threw it at his head.

 

“You did what to my brother?” Inuyasha asked, effortlessly knocking the pillow out the way.

 

Fanning her hand in a flippant manner, she retorted, “They were all accidents, but I did it and now… After Rin tells him that I was at your house…” She growled and jumped at him, but Inuyasha caught her hands this time and pulled her on top of him so that she was sitting up straddling his lap. “How could you… Why would you do that?”

 

“I already told you,” he began, holding her wrists tight while repositioning his body so that he was sitting straight up, his back pressed against the headboard of his bed. “I wanted a witness to just how fucking crazy you are.”

 

Kagome glared at him. “Inuyasha, I'm serious! That wasn't even as remotely funny as you probably think it was!”

 

“I'm serious too, Wench,” he responded coolly.

 

She gawked at him, her eyes the size of smaller saucers. “If you think I'm so crazy, then why the hell am I here, huh? Why the hell haven't you just left me alone?” she shouted, her irritation apparent in every nerve and blood vessel of her body.

 

Inuyasha stared at her; allowed her question to roll around his head. He knew she probably didn't mean for him to take her questions seriously, but unfortunately with everything that he'd been thinking about lately that was a damn good question.

 

Why was he keeping her around, if she was so crazy? Why did he find it almost intolerable to be without her? Why was it when she wasn't around, he was constantly thinking about her, even though he didn't want to?

 

The answer to all of his questions came to him in silent whispers and glimpses of a future yet to be discovered. They came to him on the beaks of vultures and the wings of fallen angels, and all he could do…all he was allowed to do…

 

Releasing her wrists, he ran his clawed thumb along her chin line to her lower lip as he whispered softly, “I like your kind of crazy.”

 

It appeared to have taken her a moment to grasp exactly what he'd said, but when she did, he could feel the tension leave her body as if it had never existed. Her lips slowly curled into a tight smile as a slight blush dusted her cheeks, and her eyes softened. “You…you like my kind of crazy,” she repeated hesitantly.

 

“Yeah Higurashi, I think I do.”

 

“Inuyasha,” she breathed, leaning forward slowly. “I swear sometimes, I just want to kill you, but others-” She didn't get to finish that statement as their lips connected repeatedly, in short sensuous kisses, and then delved into a passionate embrace that left her breathless and aching for more.

 

Inuyasha buried his fingers in the roots of her hair as she slid up higher on his lap so that she was sitting directly on top of his quickly growing member. Pulling her hair back, he made her expose her neck to him seconds before he allowed his tongue to flick out and taste her sweet decadent flesh.

 

Kagome rocked her hips forward, brought her arms up so that it was wrapped around his neck, and whispered his name seductively.

 

Sliding his free hand up under her shirt, Inuyasha palmed her breast gently and allowed his other hand to fall back down to her backside. Holding her down firmly on him, he gyrated up towards her, silently letting her know that his golden pole was ready.

 

Kagome reached down and grabbed the ends of her t-shirt, and quickly pulled it over her head and tossed it to the side.

 

Inuyasha leaned in, hastily taking one of her pert nipples in his mouth. Growling low, he gently bit down and tugged, his head shaking from side to side, causing her to hiss in pleasure as she arched her chest towards him.

 

“Inuyasha,” she whispered, undulating down on his still covered groin.

 

Gods he wanted her, he always wanted her! There was something about her very being that made it so that he couldn't…didn't know how to tell her no. It made him feel weak, dumb, and helpless and he loved it just about as much as he hated it.

 

Switching to her other breast as she rose up slightly and slid her hand down between them and into his pajama bottoms, Inuyasha almost lost himself in her touch. She grasped his member possessively, squeezing it, jacking it up and down, ran her thumb over the sensitive head spreading the pre-cum that he couldn't hold in as she leaned in, and whispered wantonly, “I want you inside me, now.”

 

The hanyou shivered under her hold as she continued to jack his staff slowly up and down, while her beautiful mouth…her heated tongued flicked over the tip of his right ear, and then dipped in licking at the reddish skin that lined the inner walls. He froze, his body unable to handle the subtle yet tantalizing attacks that she was pouring on him.

 

“Ka…gome,” he hissed.

 

“Now, Inuyasha, I want you now. Please…don't make me wait,” she whispered, kissing her way down the side of his face to his parted lips. Her tongue flicked out, slipping into his mouth, traced over each of his fangs, and every last shred of control that he had left slipped out of his grasp.

 

Grabbing her, he held her close, devoured her mouth, and allowed his claws to rake over the tender skin of her back as his body pulsed against hers demanding that he listen to her, that he give her the release she was begging for.

 

Without breaking contact, Inuyasha grasped her ass and flipped them so that he was lying between her heated legs. She arched her chest towards him, her body rolling against his with such need, such desire, and so much passion that he found it hard to believe that one person…one woman was even capable of making him feel so out of control.

 

She pushed at the waist of his pajama bottoms until they were down below his butt-cheeks while he quickly slipped his claw into the side band of her bikini panties snapping the strap. Leaning up far enough away, he quickly kicked off the offending pants and turned his attention back to her.

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that Ashton had left the bed, but not the room. He honestly couldn't bring himself to care much about that as his skin connected with hers again.

 

His mouth greedily found hers again as his fingers sought out her heated nether region. He parted her lips, slipped one then two fingers into her and reveled in the way that she reacted to his touch.

 

Her womb sucked against his digits, allowed him to dig in deeper, roll over her grooves and repeat the process timelessly.

 

Kissing his way quickly down her neck, the sensuous valley between her breasts, over her flat abdomen, Inuyasha pulled his fingers out of her, parted her legs wider, and delved in with his tongue, tasting her languorously. His tongue roamed over her clit repeatedly as her hips rose up off the bed to meet his slow ministrations.

 

“Teasing… Stop…” she mumbled with bated breath as her hands found their way into the roots of his silver mane.

 

Inuyasha ignored her, dragged his claws over the tender flesh of her inner thighs to her calves, and pushed them further apart. Running his tongue from the tip of her clit down and over her entrance, he lapped at her wetness, slowly drank it in, and allowed her drippings to satiate his thirst.

 

Her opening was pulsing around his flat wide tongue, begging him to dip in, to play with her…to talk to her if only for a while, but he tried to ignore it, he didn't want her to cum just yet, he didn't want this…this to end. He lapped at it again, swirled his tongue around her clit and drew it into his mouth causing her to rise up against his mouth as a tremble ravaged her body.

 

Sucking with fervor at her clit as a hungry baby would to its mother's tit; Inuyasha brought her to the brink and pushed her back, taunting her unmercifully, while telling her…showing her that she would not have the release she sought without his expressed consent.

 

“Please gods… Inu…please,” she whimpered desperately, her shaven maiden quivering against his mouth.

 

Pushing up, he crawled up her body and stared down at her with a mischievous smirk on his face. She actually looked like she wanted to cry, her body involuntarily rolling as if he was in her and she was rocking against him.

 

“Tell me something,” he whispered, his unclad member sitting at the door of her heated moist nest.

 

Her eyes told him she would say or do anything he wanted as long as he made this feeling…this ache go away.

 

“Why do you want it so badly?” he questioned huskily.

 

A soft whine escaped her as she reached up and tried to pull him down to her, but he fought it and demanded more firmly, “Why do you want it so badly, Kagome, tell me.”

 

She raised the back of her hand to her mouth and bit down as she looked at everything but at him. Pushing his hips into her, he drew her attention back to him, but cursed his own imprudence because the warmth of her wetness seared him, and made him want to ram into her, but he held steadfast.

 

“Tell me or I'll stop,” he challenged vehemently.

 

She looked back at him, her eyes searching his face for something that he hoped she wouldn't find. “I…I want it because I…I don't know how not…” she swallowed and closed her eyes, her body shivering beneath him. “I…I don't know how not to want you,” she whispered softly, earnestly and with sincerity.

 

As his head leaned down to hers, she turned away, without a doubt embarrassed that she'd admitted so much to him, but he wasn't through just yet, he needed to make sure, he needed to make sure that she understood what he was trying to say.

 

Licking at the outer rim of her ear, Inuyasha whispered as she gasped and slowly brought her arms up to encircle him, “No one else.”

 

Kagome's breath hitched in her throat, her hands frozen in place as her head slowly turned to look at him. Her eyes were asking questions that he didn't want to put voice to, so he whispered again softly as he slowly shook his head, “No one else, Kagome, no one.”

 

Her eyes narrowed slightly as a tear slowly slipped down the side of her temple and into her hair. Slowly, her hands came up to palm both of his cheeks as she finally replied while staring him in the eyes, “Only you, Inuyasha, only you.”

 

The hanyou couldn't explain why that simple statement was enough to make his soul soar, he didn't understand why he felt it so necessary to have her answer that question or that he hear her reply, all he knew at this moment was that their special friendship had once again taken another twist, another turn. And in all honesty, he couldn't really say that he didn't like it, because…because he did. It overjoyed him, but in a way that he truly didn't want to face at the moment.

 

Reaching down, he grabbed his member and ran it up and down her moist slit applying just enough pressure to make her think that he was about to enter her. He wanted to, he really did, just to feel the raw wetness, the smooth grooves of her womb, and too-for once- feel as if he was truly one with her, but he knew he couldn't do that. He knew that unprotected sex was something that was saved for one's mate or wife; it was the way he would claim his mate when he found her.

 

Pulling back before he went too far, Inuyasha reached into his nightstand drawer and retrieved a condom. Ripping it open, he started to slide it on, but Kagome's softly uttered question gave him pause.

 

“Do we really need that, Takahashi? It's okay, you know? I'm…I'm on birth control.” Her hand came up to rest over his as she continued, her eyes holding the same thing he'd seen in them earlier that morning-adoration, “I just made you a promise and I won't break it.”

 

“Kagome…” he started as leaned over her, moved her hand, and slid the condom on anyway. “It's not that. I just can't… Not until, I'm married, or at least until I've chosen my-”

He felt a little uncomfortable talking to her about this, because they were actually in the act of having sex, but he had to tell her, because it was the truth.

 

She reached up, cutting him off as if she didn't want to hear anymore. Attempting to push everything out of his mind, he closed his eyes as she shifted, lifting her hips so that his staff slid into her.

 

He knew he had the condom on, but he felt like a bastard, he felt like a selfish fool. He'd just basically told her that she wasn't his mate…that she wasn't the woman he would choose to be his wife, and still she wanted him.

 

Inuyasha pushed up stared down at her. “Kagome, we don't have to do-” The tears were there, he could smell them and see them, which only served to make him feel like more of a selfish prick.

 

“Just…just make love to me, Takahashi. Nothing else matters, not now, not tonight.”

 

And like a wretched, horny, despicable fool, he complied.

 

Those moments, as he rode her slowly, as he kissed at her tears, as she gripped his back, rocked up against him, and whispered his name were the most miserable moments of his life. He'd wanted to stop, to pull out of her, but he could feel it in her aura, she needed him there with her regardless of how much of a prick he was, she wanted him there inside her repeatedly chasing away his careless words.

 

I'm sorry, Kagome.

 

And so he continued gently making love to her. He continued to push her to the edge only to pull her back again. He'd made sure that she climaxed time and time again as if it would cleanse his soul, but it didn't.

 

As she clung to him, her body trembling against his, breaking him with each rock of his hips, and kiss of his lips, he felt like he was dying inside, seemingly drowning in an ocean of his own creation.

 

I'm so sorry, Kagome.

 

He got so close to release, but as if it was some sort of punishment, it would flee just outside of his grasp. Until eventually, he just stopped chasing it altogether.

 

As she came for the final time, he laid there waiting, counting the seconds until he could withdraw from her. After what he'd said, he knew he had no right-not anymore-he had no right to ever touch her like this again, and he supposed that he'd have to be alright with that.

 

As her breathing slowed, Inuyasha pushed up gently and withdrew his member from her. Glancing down at her quickly, he rolled to his side of the bed and sat up, his feet on the floor and his back to her.

 

Removing the condom, he reached down, picked up the torn condom wrapper and tried to fight off the way his insides burned and twisted into itself as if clawing at him angrily as he felt the bed shift. He didn't want to look behind him, because he knew if she was getting dressed again there really wasn't a damn thing that he could say to her this time.

 

Against his better judgment, he glanced back and for a brief moment, he was relieved because she wasn't getting dressed, instead she was balled up on her side, the covers pulled up around her neck, and her back to him.

 

Lying down wearily, the hanyou sighed, hating himself for making her feel like this. She didn't have to say anything, not a word, because he could feel it, damn it. He'd said the words…allowed them to flow from his mouth like water; once again not understanding exactly how it would sound to her human ears.

 

“It's not that. I just can't… Not until, I'm married, or at least until I've chosen my-” He heard his words whispering through his head tauntingly and Inuyasha closed his eyes and tried to force his mind to be quiet. Damn it!

 

Knowing that he probably wouldn't get an answer, the hanyou questioned hesitantly, “Ka…gome?”

 

She didn't reply.

 

His soul tore at him, screamed hateful words that cut like knives and promised him a slow torturous death.

 

“Kagome, I'm…” he tried again.

 

She rolled over so quick that he couldn't react. She covered his mouth with her hand stopping him from speaking altogether. Resting her head on his shoulder, she sighed, but still didn't speak.

 

Inuyasha stared down at her, silently begging her to look up at him with those beautiful eyes of hers. He silently pleaded with the gods above that he hadn't just ruined everything, but she wouldn't look at him, nor would she let him speak, and still he could smell her tears and feel her pain.

 

Gods, Kagome, I'm sorry, I didn't…I didn't mean it like that. I swear I didn't! He'd fucked up, he knew he had.

 

If he could go back, if he could rewind the clock a few minutes, a few hours, gods how he would take back every thought, every freaking notion he had of not wanting her with him all the time or wanting to put distance between them. He'd push those wayward feelings to the back of his mind and he'd appreciate every second, every moment he had with her.

 

Gods, I'm so stupid! Kagome…

 

He didn't know how he knew, but he knew…he just knew that it was over.

 

He tried to open his mouth again, but she shushed him, her hand slipping down his chest to his side. “Don't… You don't have to say anything, Takahashi.” She snuggled her head into his shoulder and finished despondently, “I understand; I do. I've…I've never been good enough.”

 

Inuyasha's eyes closed at her heartfelt admittance; his soul, his heart, his very being ripping in two. He tried to swallow pass the lump in his throat, but the knowledge, her confirmation that he'd just done the same exact thing that Kouga had done to her when he turned his back on her and got married.

 

“I understand; I do. I've…I've never been good enough.”

 

Takahashi tried to blink away the moisture that started to accumulate errantly behind his eyelids. He hadn't meant it, damn it! He hadn't, but…but he'd done it…he'd said it. He'd basically done the exact same thing to her that Kouga had done, with two exceptions: He'd told her to her face that she basically wasn't good enough, and…and he'd fucked her one last time, afterwards.

 

A distinct stabbing sensation ripped from his back to his chest and he grimaced painfully as he bit back a soft whimper, but as her words continued to play in his mind as if it were a skipping record, “I understand; I do. I've…I've never been good enough,” he knew he deserved nothing less.

 

Until Next Time… (Your .02 cents are appreciated!)

 

Next Chapter: Silly of Me…

 

Acknowledgements:

 

Little Miss Lulu ~ Silverwolf Halfbeast ~ Lilsweetpea011 ~ InuGoddess715 ~ Olddog333 ~ Mynera ~ 1love1 ~ Miss_Marilyn69 ~ Ai Kisugie ~ FoxyLove ~ Angel-up-above-heaven ~ Lunabell ~ Bigfanofiykag ~ Niiicko ~ Tarzan14 ~