InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Her Protector ❯ Who I Am ( Chapter 14 )

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Inuyasha, it's the sole property of Goddess Romiko Takahashi, and I cannot take credit for her genius.

 

Kagome is a college student unaware of the mortal peril she is in. He's a bitter silver - haired Adonis with a checkered past and a vow to protect humans. So when the two meet, it's a given that fireworks follow…

 

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Sovereignty for being reviewer number 175! Please read and review!

 

 

Chapter 14

Who I Am:

Past Darkness, Into the Light

 

 

Sesshomaru glared at the two frozen girls, who seconds ago, had been frolicking on the bed. The thought that everyone but him was getting a piece of his delectable principal angered him beyond reason, and he tried his best to keep a lid on the slowly building rage. Being in his feminine form was helping him keep control, but not by much. He was still frustrated from earlier, and the sight of Kagome giggling and laughing in bed with a scantily clad Sango was not improving his temper significantly. The thought of her being touched by another, made him grit his fangs. For the first time in his life, jealousy touched him and he clenched his fists till his claws pricked his palms and drew blood. He could not contain a growl at the thought of Sango pleasuring Kagome the way he had, a few days ago, as Kikyou.

 

The sound seemed to reanimate the girls and they quickly moved off the bed, facing him like errant schoolchildren before their principal, and darting embarrassed glances at each other. For some reason, Kagome was feeling strangely awkward and uncomfortable with the demoness discovering her in the compromising looking position. Even though the two had only been indulging in some childish fun, she knew what the lesbian demoness would conclude. The thought brought a slight blush to her already rosy cheeks and she shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say.

 

Sango had no such problems. She had started fidgeting under the demoness' stare, remembering Kagome's disclosure about Kikyou's true preferences. Desiring to escape the displeased demoness, she pasted a bright smile on her face, and moved towards the door. “Hi Kikyou! I was just leaving. Goodnight!”

 

Kagome wanted to stop Sango, but the fighter was off like a shot, leaving her alone to face the infuriated demoness. She bit her lip, trying to think of something to say, and immediately, noticed Kikyou's eyes drop to her swollen lips. If possible, the demoness seemed to grow angrier at that action. Her eyes flashed, and Kagome blinked, sure that the demoness eyes had changed from brown to a deep golden. She took a step forward in her shock but soon realized that it had been a trick of the light. She shook her head in disgust and scolded herself. `Kami! I have got to stop seeing Moonie everywhere! This is going to drive me crazy!'

 

Strangely boosted by the thought of the male inu, and deciding that enough was enough, she snapped at the motionless demoness. “You got something to say to me, Kikyou?”

 

Sesshomaru exhaled, the tension and anger evaporating from him as his nose finally let his rusty brain know, that in fact, nothing remotely sexual had happened between the two girls. That little piece of information had drained him of his anger, and had left him feeling hollow. The night, which had started on such a promising note and only improved from there, had come crashing around his head when he was evicted from Kagome's bed. And now, he was too dazed by the surge of emotions running through his head as he tried to salvage through the wreckage. He could not understand why he felt so strongly about Kagome and why matters concerning her made him so volatile and unstable. It had never happened before, with anyone, and the fact that this little chit could cause him to behave idiotically was unsettling to the extreme.

 

Slumping against the wall in relief, and drained by the sudden switch in his temperament, he tried to gather his thoughts. “I thought…both of you…It looked-”

 

Kagome interrupted him angrily. “I know what you thought, Kikyou! But, you thought wrongly! It wasn't like that. I have told you before that I am not like that. What happened between us that day was…a moment of weakness on my part. A mistake! One that I am not going to repeat with you or any other female. That night gave me lots of doubts about myself, but now, I know what I want and from whom…and it's not you!”

 

The scathing words caused Sesshomaru to close his eyes. The fact that she was pushing him away, once again, hurt him fiercely. Not pausing to realize that it was his female avatar that the girl was talking about, he took the rejection to heart. Her last statement gave him pause as he wondered who she was referring to. And, then the answer came to him. `The wolf!' He knew that she desired the wolf, because she had kissed that bastard and had even called out his name while being pleasured. While the thought angered and hurt him, he decided to give her the benefit of doubt. Looking at her intently, he asked in a small voice. “Moonie? Is he the one you want?”

 

Kagome started, wondering how Kikyou knew about the Inu male. The mere thought of him triggered the image of his glittering eyes, as he allowed her to sate her curiosity, bringing a deep blush to her face. Noticing Kikyou studying her face, she gave a small nod.

 

Sesshomaru was enraged. He could not believe that the girl, saturated as she was in his scent, was professing her desire for another, minutes after he had submitted to her. The thought of her in the arms of the faceless male was driving him insane. Venom dripping off his words, he snapped. “Fine! But, just so that we are clear, Kagome, what am I to you?”

 

The question confounded Kagome. “You…I don't understand what you mean.”

 

He straightened from his slump, and slowly, moved towards her. “I am tired of this vagueness. I want you to define our relationship, once and for all, so that there is no more confusion. Just what am I to you?”

 

Kagome spoke carefully. “You…well, you are my roommate. And, you are, uh, an acquaintance.”

 

Sesshomaru mouthed the word, drawing it out like a foully tasting object. “Acquaintance?” He shook his head. “After doing so much for you and being so intimate with you, all I get is the tag of a fucking acquaintance?”

 

Kagome took a step back from the demoness. “Well…Fucking acquaintance is still a notch higher than plain, old acquaintance, don't you think?” Seeing the icy glare her joke prompted, she slid the smile off her face. “Look, Kikyou, I don't know what to call you! You are more than a casual acquaintance, but not quite a friend like Sango, Inuyasha and Miroku. So, I don't know where to slot you. Anyway, as long as we both understand the relationship, how does it matter what bloody terminology is used to define it?”

 

The youkai ignored most of her words, focusing on the important part of her impassioned speech. Coming close to her, he asked softly, “Why can't we be friends, Kagome?”

 

She crossed her arms and sighed. “Because my friends are special! It's complicated. You won't understand.” She huffed at Kikyou's sneer and decided to expand on her terse statement. “See, I am not the sort of person who makes friends at the drop of a hat. My friends are not just people with whom I hang out, they are the ones with whom I share my entire life. They are people who are extremely close to me and who mean the world to me. I met each of them at a time when they were battling personal loss and tragedy. I could relate with them since I, myself, was dealing with the loss of my family. We comforted each other, and have since forged deep bonds of care and love, bonds that I do not think I will ever be able to replicate with anyone else. Each of them has overcome his or her tragedy to emerge stronger, and that is what makes them special. My friends are special to me because they are special…and you, Kikyou, are not special!”

 

Biting her lip as she realized that she had revealed more than she had intended too, Kagome turned and moved towards her bed. She knew her words sounded mean and cruel, but she had said nothing but the truth. Even if she did consider Kikyou to be her friend, she knew that she would never be as close and open with the demoness as she was with her other friends, and that would only end up hurting the proud demoness.

 

She had taken only a step when a graceful arm barred her path. Surprised, she turned towards the demoness who had her head bowed. Kikyou spoke softly, “So all one needs to be your friend is to have suffered great pain?”

 

Kagome frowned at the flippant seeming words. “Not exactly-”

 

Sesshomaru kept his head bowed as he tried to hide the naked emotion that her words had evoked. “Because if that is your only criteria, I would be right up there with your friends, if not surpassing them.”

 

Kagome bit back an oath and stepped back, tears springing to her eyes. “How dare you make fun of my friends' suffering? You think this is some kind of joke? You have no idea what they have had to go through. Your worst experience would not even hold a candle to what they have experienced. So, do me a favour, Kikyou, and shut the fuck up!” She stalked to her bed and lay down, missing the look of sadness on Sesshomaru's face.

 

Sesshomaru stared at the floor, a sad smile on his face. `So, you think I have not suffered? That I have never felt true pain? Shows what you know!' Dark memories cascaded through his head, cataloging his entire life, as he lay down on his bed. He knew that any one of his memories could have driven Kagome to tears, but kept silent, not wanting to burden the young girl. He closed his eyes, reliving the moments when his innocence, his childhood…his very life had been destroyed.

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

 

A worried Rin helped Miroku into the car at the hospital. “You really shouldn't downplay your injuries like this. It wouldn't hurt to stay overnight so that they can observe you, but no, you think you are invincible! Miroku, please, do reconsider.”

 

Miroku grimaced as he shifted on the seat. “I'm fine, Rin. Only my ribs were hurting, and the X-ray has confirmed that they are undamaged. So, I see no point in staying the night at the hospital. I'll just pop a few pills for the soreness and will be fine as rain in the morning.”

 

Seeing the logic to his words, Rin sighed. She moved to her side of the car and strapped herself in. Taking a deep breath, she drove carefully towards the campus, glancing at him every few seconds to make sure he was okay.

 

Miroku closed his eyes, and let his mind wander. He knew Rin was curious about the night's events and was itching to interrogate him, and so, slowed his breathing, hoping that she would think him asleep.

 

He knew he had had a close shave, in more than one way. He knew that if the wolf had opened his mouth about the exhibition match, he would have had a lot of awkward questions directed towards him, questions that he could do without. His hatred of Kouga, and the resultant fight, had already made the others curious and he knew that the matter would have to be confronted, especially since the fucking wolf was joining their university, and would be around them a lot.

 

He could not help but curse at the bad luck that had brought him face-to-face with the stupid youkai. For many years, he had kept his other life a secret from all, barring Inuyasha, and even Inuyasha was unaware of the darker aspects of his history. And, that history was in danger of being revealed by Kouga's careless blathering of the little that he knew.

 

Kouga! How he hated the little snot ball! He wished that he had met the bastard someplace else, so that he could repay the slimy bastard for `Knockout'. He couldn't wait to wrap his hands around the wolf's neck. The thought that the little puke was posing as a superior fighter raised his hackles, for he knew all about the other's `fighting skills'. He had been itching to reveal the other's lies the entire evening. It was only the realization that his own lies would be revealed, that stayed his tongue.

 

When Sango had first introduced Kouga as her coach and lover, Miroku had been dismayed. He could not believe his rotten luck. Of all the youkai in the world, Sango had to get together with the one youkai who held his secret. The fact that Sango, who usually had a very high standard for her sensei, was letting the scumbag coach her had surprised him. Of course, the fact that she was sleeping with the no-good fucker, could have explained the laxity, but was still, rather strange.

 

Not that the two would be together for long, if Kouga's words were any indication. He recalled the wolf's lecherous words after Kagome's sudden departure and seethed. The wolf had pushed his luck with his trash talk and had been punished for it. Miroku only wished he had done greater harm to the wolf. Though he was very satisfied that he had broken the wolf's nose, he was disappointed that being a youkai, the fucker would heal in no time.

 

Had the foolish idiot actually thought that he would have let that shit go by, without any reaction? The nerve of the wolf to actually say all that to his face…

xxXxx

 

A worried Sango got up from her chair, looking in the direction Kagome had left in. “Maybe I should go with her. She really didn't look too good. What if she's really unwell?”

 

Kouga pouted and swept her onto his lap. “Oh, come on, my sweet! Don't be a spoilsport. I'm sure that she's fine. If she was seriously unwell, don't you think the mutt would have gone with her?”

 

Inuyasha growled at that, but then grudgingly concurred. “Yeah, I didn't scent anything wrong on her. I'm sure she'll be fine, Sango.”

 

Sango looked unsure for a moment, but then nodded. “Fine, I'll take your word for it. I'll stay.” She tried to get off the wolf's lap, but he held her firmly by the waist. “Let me off, Kouga, or I swear I'll beat you to a bloody pulp at practice tomorrow.”

 

Kouga snickered and held her tighter, prompting the other males to exchange guarded looks. Having seen Sango fight many times, they knew how skilled she was and knew that underestimating her would definitely bring Kouga a world of hurt. Wondering if the wolf had a death wish, they watched with interest as the fighter struggled against the youkai. And, cheered, silently, when she used her elbow strategically to incapacitate the wolf, and to secure her release. Embarrassed at her boyfriend's antics, she slid off his lap and sat down on Kagome's chair, turning her back to the youkai. She began a conversation with a highly amused Rin, deliberately ignoring Kouga.

 

Miroku winced as he saw the amusement on Kouga's face turn ugly, before it was smoothed under a veneer of polite interest. He shuddered to think how clueless Sango was to her lover and coach's true nature. Having faced off against the wolf, he knew the depths to which the wolf could fall to achieve his objective. He just hoped that Sango was not hurt in any way by the bastard.

 

Just then, their voluptuous waitress glided in with the dessert menus. As everyone studied their menus, Miroku noticed Kouga pass the girl his card, from the corner of his eye. Carefully observing the pair from above his menu, he saw the girl's eyes widen, before she pocketed the card with a smile. Miroku's eyes narrowed as he saw the youkai's hand disappear from view. It could have been a coincidence that she stood by the wolf's side for the entire duration that she was there, but the glazed look in her eyes and her desperate grip on the table, gave the game away to an experienced pervert like Miroku. Having secured everyone's order, she tottered away on unsteady legs, a silly smile pasted on her face.

 

Disgusted by the wolf's behaviour, which was extreme by even his own liberal standards, Miroku shot dirty looks at the youkai, who casually ignored his death stare. Sango noticed, however. He tried to temper his disgust and hate, on catching the fighter throwing him a perplexed look, but was mostly unsuccessful in his endeavor.

 

Seeing Inuyasha and Sango engrossed in Rin's story, he murmured just loud enough to be heard by the wolf. “It's a pity that we had to meet in such circumstances, Kouga. I wish we had met anywhere but here. I would have loved to pay you in full for what you did to me at `Knockout'. Only, this time, it would have been you who would have ended on the mats.”

 

Kouga cocked his head to one side, a feral smile on his face. “Human, you are so amusing. Your strange claims to superiority are most diverting, but remember, you were and always will be below me. Last time, I thought I had taught you a lesson, but it seems you have learnt nothing. Still, take care, lest something slips out of my mouth in front of your clueless friends.”

 

Miroku shook his head, a smile on his face. “I am human, and yet, I can smell your fear of me, from here. You words reek of desperation, wolf. And, you should be thankful that my `clueless' friends are here. If they hadn't been here, I would have beaten you black and blue. Oh, and you better treat Sango well, or you'll have me to answer to.”

 

Kouga's face grew impassive at the threat. He eyed the human opposite him, a calculating look in his eyes. Then, a small, mischevious smile bloomed on his face, and Miroku instantly grew wary. The wolf gave a mock shiver. “Oh, I'm so scared!” Waving a lazy hand in front of his face, he spoke. “The bitch is getting boring! I will soon have to get rid of her. She no longer interests me. I thought she was a challenge, and actively pursued her to make her mine. It was fun in the beginning, to seduce her by pretending at being a great fighter and promising to coach her.” Noticing Miroku's features tightening in anger, he smiled broadly. “She was so sweet the first time I took her, so passionate, so bold…But, now she grows stale. All she does is whine about her stupid competition, and I can no longer tolerate her anymore. By the way, did you enjoy the show?”

 

Enraged by the words, and baffled by the change in the topic, Miroku snarled softly. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

Kouga smiled and leaned towards the human, his voice dropping further. “Come on, now. I did it specifically for your benefit, so don't tell me you didn't see the woman melt at my touch. Didn't you see how ready she was for me?”

 

Miroku growled softly at the wolf's depraved words. He knew that Kouga was baiting him for some reason, but did not care. He also knew that he should conclude this ridiculous conversation, but some demon in him drove him on, determined to have the last word. He leaned forward, his face inches from the wolf's, and sneered. “To go from Sango to that…piece of trash, well, your choice in women has sure taken a turn for the worse. I pity you!”

 

The wolf bared his teeth and shook his head. A small smile bloomed on his face, though his eyes were cold. “She is just a temporary appetizer till I move on. It is much better fare that I am aiming at. I confess that being so spoilt for choice, I am not sure which one to sample first. It will take me some time to finalise the lucky female. But, tell me, how is Rin in bed? I may try her-”

 

Without thinking about it or pausing to consider the consequences, Miroku reared back and punched the wolf with all his might. Even though the angle was all wrong, he was glad to break the bastard's nose. Primal satisfaction exploded in him at the sight of the crimson rivulet emerging from the other's nose. But the satisfaction was short lived, since the next moment, Kouga had leapt across the table and had grabbed him by the neck.

 

Miroku knew of, at least, a dozen moves that would not only have broken the weak hold, but would also have incapacitated the youkai. However, due to the girls' presence, he let the youkai choke him. Relief came a scant second later, as Inuyasha pushed Kouga away from him.

 

Taking huge gulps of air, he got to his feet, only to see Sango trying to separate the scrapping pair, who were going at it as if their lives depended on it. Fearing for her safety more than that of the two non-humans, he pulled her away from the fight. He watched the no-holds barred fight with interest, exulting at each punch Inuyasha got in and wincing at each strike he took. He was desperate to get in a few punches of his own, and so tried, unsuccessfully, to shepherd the girls out of the hall. His disappointment was great, then, when the bouncers broke up the fight and marched them out of the club and in to the parking lot.

 

Things would have ended there, but Kouga still had one ace up his sleeve. He waved his card at the lead bouncer, who took one look at the card and nearly snapped to attention when he realized who the wolf was. He nervously followed the youkai a few feet away where Kouga instructed the man in a soft voice. “These miscreants have dared sully the person of this Kouga. They have committed a serious error of judgment in daring to cross my path. You will avenge the honour of my name and my house by soundly punishing them for their infraction. Do not disappoint me!” Confident that his orders would be followed, he jumped into a snazzy sports car and burned out of the lot, unaware that his voice had carried to the three shocked humans and an enraged hanyou.

 

As the men and youkai attacked, Miroku was once again forced to take a backseat, allowing Sango and Inuyasha to deal with the attackers. It was only when they moved towards Rin and tried to assault her that he got in to action. Despite the desperate situation, he took care to downplay his skills, fighting with less style and efficiency than he normally did. He tried to make his moves look sloppy and amateurish as he fought besides a charged up Rin who was alarmingly at home at beating the men up. He was a little surprised at the girl's skill. He had known that she was youkai-trained and had seen most of her match with Inuyasha, but tonight had been altogether another level of fighting that he had not imagined her capable of.

 

Within minutes, the bouncers were on the floor, and a panicky Rin had whisked him to the hospital.

 

xxXxx

 

Miroku shifted again on the seat taking care to keep his eyes closed. He could feel Rin burning with the need to talk to him, and hoped that they would reach the campus before she asked him about the reason for the punch and the resultant fight. He knew he could never tell her the real reason and quickly fabricated a plausible lie to placate her.

 

He was jolted out of his thoughts by her soft voice. “Miroku, can I ask you something?”

 

Miroku nodded, before cursing himself. He knew that if he had remained immobile, she would have thought him sleeping. By acknowledging her question, he had set himself up for further questions, and that depressed him. Sighing to himself, he decided to get it over with, once and for all. Opening his eyes, he waited for the inevitable question.

 

There was a few seconds of silence, as Rin gathered her thoughts. And then, keeping her eyes on the road, she asked softly. “Miro, why do you hide the fact that you can fight?”

 

Miroku gaped. Though he had prepared himself for an interrogation, he had never expected her to ask him this. He could not understand how she had found out something that he had hidden from his close friends for so long. Wiping all emotion off his face, he attempted to deflect her question. “Uh, I'm not sure I understand what you mean.”

 

Rin nodded, as if she had been expecting this answer. She kept silent, her gaze straight ahead. She seemed perfectly satisfied with the evasive words, but Mikoru knew better. He could see that despite her staring at the road, her attention was a million miles away. He was sure that a truck could have come straight at them and Rin would not have blinked. Seeing how distracted she was, he was glad that being past 3 am, the roads were empty.

 

There was silence for a couple of seconds, and then Miroku sighed. He sneaked another look at her blank face and felt the twinge of something strange in him. Even though his mind warned him against what he was about to do, his heart felt burdened by all the lies and secrets. He felt an urgent need for a confidant and knew that Rin would take his secret better than any of his friends. Also, for some reason, he did not want to lie to her. He decided that he would not tell her everything, but only confirm what she had guessed herself. He hesitated for a moment, letting the silence build. Then, taking care not to look at her, as that would unnerve him, he spoke evenly. “How did you guess?”

 

He felt the tension go out of her, and felt the weight of her gaze on him. Then she turned back to the road, and spoke. “I know I am not the smartest person around, but over the years I have developed a habit of observing people. It is amazing how much a person can learn about another, by being quiet and just using their eyes. It was because of this that I was able to pick up the signs that your friends either missed or ignored. The way you walk, the way you hold yourself, the way you are so light on your feet, your stance, your posture, your quick reflexes…they all suggested to me that you are a fighter. At our first meeting, I was pretty sure but when the others stressed that you were not, I wondered. But, your actions today just about confirmed it for me. I could feel the effort that you were putting in to your moves to make them look unskilled. I could see you holding back, and I knew then, that despite what the others say, you are a fighter. I only wonder why you do not want them to know. And, why they have ignored what it has taken me only a week to see.”

 

He finally looked at her, giving a bitter half-laugh. “Ah, Rin, they only saw what I wanted them to see. They have become so conditioned by what I kept telling them, again and again, that they failed to see what was in front of them. It is true. Repeat a falsity for long enough, and people will start believing it as the truth.” He sighed. “Only Inuyasha knows the truth, and I made him swear never to reveal my secret to anyone. So, now, you are the only other person in the world who knows my secret.” He gave her a serious look. “I can't tell you my reasons for this deception, but I still hope that you will not blab this to anyone.” He watched her eyes narrow in rage, and bit back a smile. He knew that she was not a gossip and that his secret was safe with her, but had deliberately baited her to divert her attention from asking too many questions.

 

Rin hissed, and gave him a dark look, before laughing ruefully. “Don't worry! I have become quite good at keeping secrets. My lips are sealed, so have no worries on that account.” She gave him a good-natured poke. “Have you noticed that being around you is making a liar out of me? I mean, first, I lie to everyone about our relationship, and then, about this.”

She moved her hand to cover his glove-covered one and squeezed, without taking her eyes of the road. “But, seriously, I thank you, Miro, for trusting me enough to tell me this. It means a lot to me. I want you to know, that if you ever want to talk about this or your past, I am there for you. You can tell me anything you want and I will not judge you, Miro. I know that sometimes it is difficult to explain to others, your reasoning for a certain decision, especially if you are continuously second-guessing the decision yourself.” Miroku snapped his gaze to her face, wondering if she was talking about herself. “So, I will wait for you to tell me your reasons at your own pace.”

 

Miroku felt elated and relieved. He knew he had been taking a gamble by telling her this, but was happy that the gamble had paid off. He felt lighter, now that one of his secrets was out in the open. Her reaction had greatly comforted him. He had heard no censure in her voice, no curiosity as to how and when this had come about, no scorn at his deception…only acceptance. Even Inuyasha constantly pestered him to reveal his convoluted reasoning, but not Rin. She had not judged his actions as being wrong, had not pressurized him to reveal his reasons or tried to goad him into telling the others, but had calmly said that she would wait for him to tell her on his own. This show of support from her warmed his heart, and he wanted to hug her senseless for her acceptance.

 

Instead, he smiled gently. Wanting to show his gratitude, and in turn, to sate his own burning curiosity, he spoke softly, his eyes glued to her face. “Thanks Rin! I have never told this to anyone, not even Inuyasha, but there is great darkness in my past. I have done things that I am not proud of, things that make me hide all aspects of my past from others.” He watched her absorb his words, and noticed her try to hide her curiosity at his words. Smiling to himself, he continued. “I have taken great pains to hide it from everyone, but I promise to tell you everything, right down to the smallest detail, the day you trust me enough to tell me what happened to you.”

 

The car wavered as cold tendrils of fear coursed through Rin. Controlling the car, and her emotions, she blanked her face and then rasped. “What makes you think something happened to me?”

Miroku snorted at her pathetic attempt at dissembling. “Ah, Rin, just like you recognized the fighter in me, I recognized the expression in your eye. It is an expression that I have encountered before, and I know what it signifies. I saw it there in your eyes, the first time we met, and knew it for what it was.” He saw her features tighten and her hands clench the steering wheel, and laughed. “Don't worry! I am not going to pressurize you to tell me anything you don't want to. I just didn't want you to think that I don't know or understand what happened to you. I understand more than you know. But, this doesn't change anything between us. I don't want you to take any stress about this. I just want you to relax and stop strangling the wheel.” Rin gave a weak smile, and he continued. “Remember, if and when, you want to talk about it, I am there for you. I may not be your boyfriend, but I am your friend…a friend who will stand by you, through thick and thin, no matter what!”

 

Rin gasped at his declaration, not believing her ears. Emotional, she turned to him. “Oh, Miro, thank you! You have no idea what your words mean to me. And, one day, perhaps I will tell you about it, just not today.”

 

Miroku nodded and then caressed her cheek gently, “I know what you are feeling. And believe me, your acceptance was just as important to me.” Seeing the fine mist of tears in her eyes, he decided to change the topic. “What a secretive pair we make. We should try out for the Secret Service.”

 

Though the line was corny, both burst into laughter, and just like that the tension was broken.

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

 

Sesshomaru knew he was dreaming. In fact, he knew he was dreaming of the past. Of the exact moment when his carefree world had come crashing down and his life had gone to hell. The exact moment when Sesshoamru had been born out of the innocent that he had been. He closed his eyes wishing he did not have to go through this.

 

He looked around the bright room, and grimaced. This was the room that he had occupied at the Western Citadel as a child. And, this was where his childhood had been stripped off him. He moved towards the bed, seeing four-year old Sesshomaru playing with a new-born chick on it. A smile flitted on Sesshomaru's face as he remembered how excited he had been at seeing the chick emerge from the egg, and how he had immediately smuggled the bird to his room. With a fond smile, he watched the antics of his younger self. He tried to touch the innocent that he had been, but being a spectre, his hand passed through the child.

 

Just then, the door banged open, and the icy monstrosity that was his mother, glided in. Sesshomaru froze, so conditioned by fear and hate, that his mother affected him even though he knew it was a dream. He wanted to warn the child but his voice refused to cooperate with him, even as he realized that the action would be futile. He watched in horror, as the child rushed towards his mother, the precious chick clasped in one hand.

 

“Momma, look, a chick!”

 

“Silence! Stop this infernal noise, right now!”

 

The child skidded to a stop, confusion rampant on his face. Sesshomaru felt sick to the stomach at the child's uncertainty, knowing that this was the first time that the child had been exposed to his mother's harshness. 'Better get used to this attitude, kid! `Cause it will only get worse from now on!'

 

The demoness nodded approvingly at her pup's obedience. “Good! I want you to listen carefully to what I have to say.” A strange expression passed over her face, and was just as quickly, hidden under a mask of calmness. “This Sakura has just been informed that your brother, Masaru, has passed on to join the ancients, making you, Shou Taisho, the heir to the Western Lands.”

 

Sesshomaru marveled at his mother's calmness. He knew exactly how shattered the female was at her elder son's death. It was this event that had changed his mother from a warm, caring demoness to a hard, unfeeling bitch. It was this unfortunate occurrence that had ripped his life apart, and forever, changed his destiny. Everything that Sesshomaru had suffered in his life, could find its origins in this one, simple-sounding piece of news.

 

Unaware of how drastically his life had changed, the child stuck a finger in his mouth. “Oniisan is gone? When will he be coming back?”

 

Sakura snarled, cuffing him on the head, prompting a growl from the older youkai and a whimper from the younger one. “I told you to keep silent, didn't I? So, how dare you talk? Masaru is gone forever, and will never come back. He was a weakling who was most undeserving of being named the heir. He could not even defend himself against our enemies. I suspect that I am to share in the blame for his cowardly death. I coddled him and over-protected him, indulging his every wish and desire. I never realized that I was weakening him, instead of helping him grow strong. And as a result, he grew up to be nothing but a spoilt brat. But, I will not make the same mistake twice. I will make you into the perfect lord, something that poor Masaru never was.”

 

She paced the room, her features animated and her voice shrill. The child followed her movements with his eyes, unsure of the transformation of his loving mother.

 

“Yes, I will raise you to be the perfect lord: strong, ruthless, brave and resourceful. Someone who's very name will strike terror into the hearts of our enemies.” She smiled at the child, a manic light in her eyes. “So, I rename you, Shou, with a name more suitable to your future greatness. I rename you Sesshomaru - the killing perfection. May you always live up to your name!”

 

The child pouted. “But Shou likes his name!”

 

The comment earned him another blow on his sensitive ear and set it throbbing. Sesshomaru growled at the sight and smell of the tears that sprang into the child's eyes. Even though the blow was one he had got very long ago and didn't compare to his later punishments, the sight of his frail body jerking with the force of the blow, angered him. He clenched his fists and stepped towards his mother before he realized the futility of the act. Forcing himself to relax, he stepped back.

 

Child-Sesshomaru stood rooted to the spot, staring fearfully at his mother who towered over him, rage etched on her face. “What kind of name is Shou, for a grand lord-to-be like you? No, you are and always will be Sesshomaru! I will ensure it!” Noticing his teary eyes, she hissed. “Put away your tears, Sesshomaru! Discard all your emotions. A true lord has no use for them. Anger, laughter, tears, love, jealousy…these are emotions that you no longer need. A lord cannot have any feelings whatsoever, for these feelings can betray his true thoughts to his enemies. So, wipe those tears of your face! If I were your enemy, those tears would have alerted me to your sadness and could have helped me exploit your weakened state.” Narrowing her eyes, when he made not move to comply, she growled. “Have you understood what I said?”

 

The child had not comprehended half of what his mother had babbled, but fear held him too strongly, for him to reveal that fact. He quickly wiped his tears and nodded furiously, trying his best to escape the wrath of the enraged demoness. He leaned back a bit, just in case the response prompted another strike. He stared at her face, licking his lips nervously and hoping that he had done the correct thing. The awful silence, as he waited for his mother's reaction, was killing him. He slumped in relief, when a small smile appeared on the demoness' face. And tensed again, when she moved her hand towards his face. In his fear, his grip on the small bird tightened unintentionally, and the bird protested loudly at the sudden change in pressure.

 

Instantly, the hand that was moving towards his face whipped towards his hand and raised it to her line of vision. The manic rage was back in her eyes, as she shook his hand violently. “What is this?”

 

His heart in his mouth, the child cowered away from the demoness. “Momma, it is only a chick. I wanted to play with it, because it is so soft and pretty.”

 

Sesshomaru paced the room. He knew what was to follow, and the knowledge made him edgy. He remembered the entire episode, but seeing it happen in front of his eyes, was driving him nuts. He wanted to protect the child and his innocence but knew that with every passing second, Shou was loosing himself to Sesshomaru.

 

Sakura stared at the child in amazement. “Soft? Pretty?” She wrapped her hand around the child's fist, and slowly started squeezing it. “Here I am trying to make you into the strongest, bravest, most feared lord in all of Japan, and you want to play with this chick because it is soft and pretty? You are Inu youkai and from the line of great and powerful lords. How can you be so weak?” She ignored the child's whimpering and continued rambling. “What will the other clans say when they realize that the heir to the Western Lands is a weakling? How will I ever succeed in my endeavour if you behave in this idiotic manner?”

 

“Momma, stop it, you are hurting me!”

 

Sakura ignored the child's cries. “Today it is chicks of this variety, tomorrow it will be chicks of the more curvaceous variety! No! I will not allow this to happen.” She shifted her grip on her child's fist and then closed her fist tightly, causing her razor sharp claws to go through the child's hand. Bright, crimson blood welled out of the wounds as she withdrew her claws, muttering about blood stains.

 

Child-Sesshomaru stared at his hand in shock. The sight of thick, crimson blood welling out of his wounds seemed to revive him, and he immediately began crying. He could not believe that his mother had injured him so grievously.

 

Sesshomaru squeezed his eyes closed, as he remembered the feeling of betrayal and fear that had enveloped him at his mother's action. He tried to close his ears, to block the child's piteous cries, but the sound reverberated in his head, making it impossible for him to ignore.

 

Slowly, the child opened his bloody fist to examine his wounds, and then shrieked in despair at the sight of the chick's mangled corpse. Screaming, he threw the dead bird away from him, and scrambled away from it. Hurt and frightened, he dropped to his haunches and began rocking himself, holding his injured hand in the other and whimpering.

 

Sakura sighed in annoyance, “Why are you making so much of noise? You are already healing. See, the blood has already clotted. So, why are you crying?”

 

The child continued to rock himself. “It hurts so much!”

 

Sakura dragged him up by his neck and held him to eye-level, venom dripping off her words. “Hurts? This little scratch hurts? Your brother was tortured for hours. He was torn apart limb by limb. That is hurt, not this pitiful excuse of a wound.” She shook her head. “I am disappointed in your behaviour. Sometimes I wonder if you truly are a member of the Taisho clan. Such a pity that you are nothing more than a crybaby!”

 

Her words had the desired effect, and the child stopped crying, not wanting to be labeled a crybaby. But, when Sakura let him down, he fell to the floor and remained there. Seeing his defiant eyes, and his continuous rocking, Sakura sighed. Kneeling besides him, she awkwardly held him in her arms, attempting to get through to him. “You know I had to do it, right? You understand my reasons, don't you? I want you to be the greatest and most feared lord in all of Japan. And, how can I do that if you are fascinated with soft, pretty things? I cannot allow people to think that you are a softie. How will they respect you, if they know that you like playing with chicks? Our enemies will laugh at you when they hear that being an heir, you have such peculiar hobbies. Don't you realize that knowing your weakness, they would try and tempt you with pretty, soft things? That they would deliberately plant pretty, soft whores in your path, to tempt you, to weaken you. I cannot let that happen. I will not allow it to happen. Better to nip it in the bud, then to let you develop this dangerous affliction.”

 

Sesshomaru snarled in disgust. He knew that the essence of his mother's words was correct, but was disgusted with the tripe that was pouring out of her mouth. Her talent at distorting the truth had vitiated the sensibility of the thought making it seem more sensational. He was appalled to see his younger version absorb the demoness' bullshit like a sponge. He wanted to shake the child and tell him to do anything but believe the bitch. `Had I really believed this crap? Was I really so innocent that I couldn't see her madness?'

 

The child mulled over the words, a confused look on his face. Calm and composed, now that his wound had healed, he stared at the mangled remains of the chick. “What is a whore, momma? Will you hurt it like you hurt my chick?”

 

His mother immediately pushed him off her lap, and stood. “Yes! I will kill every single one of them! If you learn nothing else, Sesshomaru, then learn this. I will not allow you to be weakened by anything. You will be strong, or else, you will be dead!”

 

She swept out of the room, leaving the two Sesshomarus - one filed with dread of the future, the other filled with pain of the past. Sesshomaru moved to comfort his younger self, when he was transported to a place of great darkness. To another pain-filled memory.

 

The sight of the dark, damp walls and his own broken form at his feet, told Sesshomaru where he was. He howled in despair, trying to wake up, for this was one memory that he did not want to relive. It was a painful memory that he had repressed long ago, and the mere thought of experiencing the horror again, had him baying like a rabid dog.

 

He knew that this memory was set in the dungeons of the Western Citadel and that a month had passed since his previous memory. A month in which his bitch of a mother had tried her best to strengthen him in her own twisted way. She had left no stone unturned in her efforts at toughening him. She had beaten him, whipped him, starved him and forced him to face his fears. He had been given a level of weapons training and advanced martial arts instruction that had been completely unsuitable for his four year old frame. Once a week, he had been thrown in front of human baiters and had been forced to battle them and lower youkai. All manner of innovative challenges had been thrown at him - from escaping from severe bindings and shackles to tracking prey while blindfolded. Failure at any task prompted severe punishments. Great stress had been placed on his future role as lord, and he had been tutored regularly in politics and Machiavellian practices. To safeguard him from distraction, Sakura had had all his pets killed, and isolated him from all outside influences. But, despite her best efforts to turn him into Sesshomaru, he had resisted her, remaining Shou at heart.

 

Sesshomaru felt tears creep in to his eyes as he examined his own unconscious form. He knew that these wounds were ones he had received long ago in his past, but seeing the wounded, frail body of his younger self made him relive the event and he could almost feel the pain radiating through his body. As he came closer to the child, he remembered that this set of injuries had come about during a battle with a teenage bear youkai.

 

The unconscious child looked like a mangled pile of blood and grit. His glorious silver hair seemed crimson, crusted as it was, with dried blood and dirt. Both his eyes were swollen shut, and ringed with bruises. A nasty gash extended from the corner of one eye to his chin. His lips were split and swollen, his jaw dislocated. His nose was broken, and swollen up. One of his ears had been chewed at, and was attached to his head by mere slivers of skin. Several of his ribs were broken, and gashes covered his chest and torso. His left hand was broken in several places, and flopped uselessly by his side. His abdomen had a gaping hole in it, from where the bear had attempted to relieve him of his intestines. His legs had been gnawed at, and one of them had been stripped to the bone in several places. All in all, he presented a sorry sight, and Sesshomaru wondered how he had ever managed to live after being so grievously wounded.

 

Just then, the dungeon door clanged open, and an old, human woman slipped in, fear painted on her face. She paused at the threshold, and Sesshomaru groaned. He would have given anything in the world to be able to warn the woman but knew that all his efforts would be in vain. What had happened would happen again, and once again, he would be powerless to prevent it. He watched with sorrow, as she walked his way, a lantern held high in her hand. The lantern cast a narrow pool of light around her, and she peered into the gloom, hesitation in her steps and voice. “Shou? Where are you?”

 

Her voice roused the child. Licking his parched, swollen lips, he managed a croak. “Here…Kikyou-sama.”

 

Immediately, the woman moved towards his voice at a run. She gasped when she saw his bloodied body. Kneeling near his prone form, she stuck a fist in her mouth. Tears streamed down her face, as she spoke hoarsely. “Oh, my boy, my dear, dear boy! What has she done to you? Why are you not healing?”

 

Child-Sesshomaru tried to sit up, but winced and lay back again. Biting back a moan at the pain, he placed his undamaged hand on her knee. “Poison…to slow…healing. So that…I learn…to…withstand…pain.”

 

Tears appeared in the woman's warm eyes as she caressed his cheek. “I am so sorry for this, Shou. This is all my fault. Your father left you in my care, and as your nanny, it was my duty to look after you. I should have stopped Lady Sakura from doing this. I have failed my duty! I have failed to protect you from harm. I am so very sorry!” She raised his hand and pressed her lips to his scraped knuckles. “I knew that Lady Sakura had been deeply affected by Masaru's death but thought that she would revert to normal in a short time. Instead, she has steadily worsened. To think that she would poison her own flesh-and-blood to teach him to withstand pain makes me shudder. This stops today! I cannot stand aside and let her continue her strange training. I will speak to her on this matter-”

 

“No! Not…you. Papa…will save me!”

 

Kikyou smiled sadly at the determined pup. “If you wait for your father to save you, you will wait endlessly. He is too busy with his responsibilities as head of the Grand Alliance to deal with the running of the Western Citadel. He knows the ins-and-outs of all the great houses, but unfortunately, is unaware of the horrors that are being perpetuated in his own house. No, he will not save you! He has not been here since Masaru's death, and I am sure, is not planning on coming here anytime soon. So, waiting for him will not be a good idea. I am the only one with enough authority, on the matter of your upbringing at least, to stop her crazy plans.”

 

“No! You will not…talk to her. Promise…me you will…not mention our…meeting to her. Promise me!” He knew, even at his young age, that his nanny would come to great harm at the hands of his mother, if the human tried to intervene. In the past one month, he had seen the cruelty his mother was capable of, and knew that Sakura would not hesitate to hurt the human.

 

Kikyou was taken aback at the child's steely tone. She stared at the child, having never heard him speak like this to her. The authority and arrogance of all his ancestors seemed to blaze though him, and Kikyou felt compelled to nod her acceptance.

 

The tension left the child and he slumped back on the ground. Kikyou lifted his head, carefully, and placed it on her knees. She caressed his unhurt cheek and forehead, muttering vague words of comfort. The child began purring in content as he basked in the warmth of her aura.

 

Sesshomaru watched the pair in silence. Over the years, he had forgotten the face and form of his nanny, but had remembered her devotion, love, compassion, warmth and amazing scent. Now that he had a face to associate with those feelings, he felt comforted. From her wrinkled face to her warm eyes, she was everything he had imagined she would look like.

 

When the tiger youkai had asked him the name of his female avatar, he had instantly named himself Kikyou, to honour his long-forgotten nanny. The fact that the name also represented Unchanging Love, seemed to cement his choice of name, since it was his love for his brother that prompted him to accept the avatar in the first place.

 

And, knowing what fate held in store for the one person who had shown him love during his childhood, was hurting him. He did not want to relive the experience and desperately wished that he would awaken before witnessing the event. He retreated to a far wall and leaned against it, his legs refusing to support his weight. A wistful sigh escaped him, at the care with which Kikyou was caressing the child's face.

 

Kikyou kissed the child's forehead and reached in to her kimono, removing a small parcel from her secret pocket. “Here, I have brought you something to eat. I know it will aid in your healing process. Eat up, my prince, so that you can become my healthy and strong Shou again.”

 

A loud clapping had them all starting. Both Sesshomarus groaned at the scent of their mother - one in fear and the other in misery. Kikyou, not being blessed with their sense of smell, moved towards the sound to investigate the source. Sakura soon came in to view, clapping her hands, a bright smile on her face. Sesshomaru snarled at her appearance, while child-Sesshomaru looked trapped. Kikyou looked fearful for a moment, but then grew determined. She executed a confident bow to the Lady of the land, not a trace of worry or fear in her scent. “My Lady!”

 

Sakura stopped clapping, and the resulting silence was deafening. The two females stared at each other before Sakura broke the silence. “Well done, Kikyou! It is touching to see the depth of your devotion to Sesshomaru. So much so, that you risk my wrath by disobeying my express orders. I had ordered you not to coddle Sesshomaru, not to feed him, and definitely not meet him. Yet, I find you breaking not one, but all three of my edicts! What am I to make of this?”

 

Fooled by the deceptively calm voice, Kikyou spoke her heart, forgetting her silent promise to the young Inu behind her. “Sakura-sama, I must protest your treatment of Shou. He is just a child…a pup. This is the time for him to play and enjoy life. He is too young to be imparted weapons training or advanced martial arts, and to get in to battles with youkai and baiters. You expect too much of him! He is just a young pup and deserves to experience life at his own pace. Even Inu law states that a pup cannot be burdened with the responsibilities of adult life till he gets his markings. And, Shou's markings will not appear for many years. Then how can he be pushed and forced into behaving like an adult? It is unfair to him!”

 

Sakura's golden eyes gleamed, as she smoothed her glorious, silver hair. She seemed thoughtful, a soft murmur dropping from her rosebud lips. “Is that so? Then, enlighten me, Kikyou, as to what I must do.”

 

Both Sesshomarus could scent the madness and rage simmering beneath the demoness' calm façade, and they winced. Sesshomaru shook his head in despair and closed his eyes, not wanting to see the resultant scene. He wished that history would change and the result of this encounter would be different from what he remembered. The child whimpered in fear, and tried to reach out to the human to warn her, but Kikyou was out of his reach. Gritting his teeth, he began dragging his wounded body across the hard floor, ignoring the shooting spurts of pain. His only thought was to save the unaware woman, and everything else was relegated to the background.

 

Kikyou had her eyes trained on her employer's face. Emboldened by the positive response, she clasped her hands in front of her, ignoring the child's whimpers. “Let him be. Shou should be allowed to indulge his curiosity, and not made to slave at training or political tutoring. He has his entire life to be strong and powerful, but for now he should be allowed to live a carefree life. He is just a child and needs to be handled with care and delicacy.”

 

“Is that so? Interesting!”

 

Encouraged by the demoness' words, Kikyou grew more impassioned. “Yes! If you continue to push him like this, he will grow hard and cold. He will become bitter and ruthless, loosing all vestiges of affability. He will become-”

 

“A lord!” Sakura shook her head and began encircling the confused human. “Kikyou, Kikyou, Kikyou! It seems you have not understood my motives for this kind of harsh training. I want him to be hard. I want him to be ruthless. And, I definitely want to purge him of his emotions and his affability. I want him to be a perfect lord.”

 

Sesshomaru closed his eyes, not willing to see Kikyou's fate, as the rage in his mother's scent increased. The scent affected the child and his whimpers grew louder. He increased his efforts to cross the distance between him and the two females. “Momma, stop, please! Don't do this!”

 

Both women ignored the child. Seeing the strange expression on the demoness' face, Kikyou felt the first stirrings of fear. Sakura stopped her pacing and stood in front of the woman. “You know, over the past month, I have tried everything to strengthen Sesshomaru. And, I wondered why he resisted all my efforts. Why he would refuse to answer to Sesshomaru, and would insist on being called Shou. Why he would resist all my training and my efforts. Now, I know why! Because of you, Kikyou! You weaken him by feeding him all this nonsense. You have constantly undermined my efforts at making him a mighty warrior. I had kept a diligent watch for outside influences, never realized that there was a traitor in our midst. You have committed a crime against the house of the Inu. And, your treason will be punished by death!” Claws extended, Sakura leapt at the human, knocking her to the floor.

 

Kikyou's weak cries drove Sesshomaru to jam his claws into his palms. Feeling impotent and useless, he raged at the unfairness of life. Even though his eyes were closed, he could smell Kikyou's blood and cringed. He knew that the end was close, and gritted his fangs, praying to the Kamis that he would awake before the memory ended.

 

Child-Sesshomaru roared, and then began pleading with his mother, even as he redoubled his efforts to reach the human. “Mother, please! No! Don't do it!”

 

Sakura ignored her child's cries. She straddled the hurt woman, satisfied at the ten deep wounds that her claws had gifted the human. Kikyou's shrieks of pain only caused her to smile. “So weak! So pathetic! Humans are so useless, that it is a wonder that you have managed to survive till now. It is clear to me that it is only the tolerance of youkai that has allowed humans to survive and thrive. Unfortunately, for you, Kikyou, this youkai no longer tolerates your survival!” She plunged her hand into the woman's stomach, injecting copious amounts of her poison into the human. Satisfied, she stood up, watching with interest as the poisonous acid ate away the human's body. “Death will come to you, Kikyou, but slowly and painfully. My acid will eat away at your body from the inside out and it will be hours before it actually kills you. Long, agonizing hours that you can use to contemplate your treachery and betrayal, and to regret it.” Laughing loudly, as the human's screams of agony grew louder, she swept out of the cell, banging the door shut.

 

Child-Sesshomaru reached the fallen woman, and began crying piteously, helpless to alleviate her pain. “Kikyou-sama!” His wails grew louder at the sight of the damage his mother's acid had done to the human's body. Her body was literally being liquefied by the acid, and the human was shrieking in pain.

 

And, then she grew absolutely quiet. Despite the waves of pain washing over her, as the acid wreaked havoc on her body, she gritted her teeth and resolved to keep it inside her. She urgently squeezed the child's hand and he stopped crying, observing her silence and urgency with confusion. Kikyou could see the questions in his eyes, but had no time for lengthy explanations. Sweat beaded her face, as she muttered from between clenched teeth. “Do…it!”

 

Both Sesshomarus tensed at the soft words. Sesshomaru's eyes sprang open at the determination in the woman's voice. He felt he owed it to the woman to see her end. Though he hated seeing her this way, he knew he had to, for to not do so would be to disrespect her memory. And, he would never allow for such a thing to happen. Child-Sesshomaru, on the other hand, closed his eyes, not wanting to see the desperation on her face. Another squeeze had him wincing, and his eyes shot to her face.

 

Trying to ignore the wealth of emotion in her eyes, the child muttered. “I don't understand what you mean.”

 

Kikyou made a desperate sound. “End…it! I know…the bitch taught…you how.”

 

The child shook his head, tears beginning to form in his eyes. “I can't! I won't! Please, don't ask this of me!”

 

She grimaced and tensed as a wave of pain swept over her. Gasping at the sheer volume of agony that surrounded her, she tried to get her point across to the stubborn child. “Shou…please…I beg you…do me this…favour. Don't make…me suffer.”

 

Sesshomaru cringed at the smell of burning flesh that permeated the air, making him gag. His eyes narrowed as he saw the child's indecision.

 

A loud gasp, and then she was biting her lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Shou!”

 

The child howled at the intensity behind the whispered words. Slowly, with great reluctance, he moved his hand to her cheek and caressed it, before placing his small claws at her throat. For a moment, his courage deserted him, and he looked at her in desolation. Her eyes never left his, as she nodded, trying to give him the support and courage she knew he required. He swallowed, a single tear rolling down his face, and then swiped his hand, cleanly decapitating her. Her head rolled away, her eyes flickering and her lips twitching in a smile, before they froze as death claimed her.

 

The child made no sound. He calmly picked up the woman's head and placed it on his lap, caressing her long hair. With that swipe, not only had Kikyou died, but so had Shou and his innocence, leaving behind only Sesshomaru. Calm, cold, ruthless, unemotional Sesshomaru.

 

Across the dungeon, Sesshomaru sank to the ground, confounded at what he had done. In all his memories, he had never remembered Kikyou's end, and so, could not believe that he had decapitated her. He had killed his nanny! Even though he could rationalize the action by saying that he had only followed Kikyou's own wishes, and that he had helped her out, the fact was that her death had come about by his claws. As disgust and self-loathing grew in him, the subdued voices in his head began clamoring again. They raged at his constant inability to protect his human women. They shrieked that not only had he failed to protect HER, the one he had cared about and sworn to protect, but worthless being that he was, had also been instrumental in the death of the one who had nurtured him in his childhood. They called him a killer and a betrayer. And, Sesshomaru could take it no more!

 

He roared his pain into the dark dungeon, unseen and unheard by any. The action brought him no relief and instead the accusatory voices grew louder. Just when he thought his head would explode, he felt warmth envelop him. A warmth that silenced the voices and comforted him greatly. Sesshomaru leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, letting the aura soothe his tortured soul. He recognized this feeling and welcomed it. Praising the Kami in his head for his reprieve, his lips invoked the name of his saviour in a breathless rush. “Kagome!”

 

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

Kagome awoke in great pain. Her entire torso was burning, and she felt as if wide bands of thorns were wrapped around it. A thousand pricks…a million pricks assailed her, and she gasped at the pain. With each breath she took, the invisible bands seemed to tighten, driving the invisible thorns deeper into her delicate skin. Biting her lip at the feeling, she attempted to sit up, one hand clutching her chest, the other supporting her trembling body. She took a calming breath, trying to ignore the pain.

 

As painful as this was, Kagome was no stranger to this kind of pain. She had felt similar pain, several times before, and so, knew what it signified. This feeling assailed her, whenever someone with great suffering was around her. Each of her friends had given her similar feelings when she had first met them, as they had been lost in their grief at that time.

 

However, the intensity of the pain and the viciousness of the feeling, that assailed her tonight, made her head reel. She shuddered to think that there was someone near her, who was feeling that kind of sadness. Tears swam in to her eyes, both at her own pain and the reflected pain of the unknown person. Despite her best efforts to reduce her pain, something she had done successfully in the past, the pain refused to leave her and instead worsened. She knew, then, that the only way she could get any relief was by soothing the source of the pain.

 

Slowly, with great care, she stood up and moved towards the door, intending to investigate the source of all that grief. To her greatest shock and horror, the despair and agony seemed to come from her sleeping roommate. Kikyou looked deathly pale, her mouth slightly open, while her eyes moved in REM sleep. If Kagome hadn't seen that slight movement, she would have thought the demoness dead, for she did not think anyone alive could look like this.

Kagome knew that her roommate was dreaming and desperately wanted to rip the girl out from her painful dreams, but hesitated, knowing that it could be dangerous. Not only was there the issue of the demoness' sharp claws, but also the fact that it could be dangerous for the demoness. `What can I do? I can't wake her because, in her terror, she might lash out at me. And, waking her from such a deep sleep may cause her some damage. So, how can I help her? Kami, if I am feeling even one-hundredth of what she is feeling, then it is beyond unbearable. I must help her!'

A loud crack resounded in the air, and Kagome's hands started glowing a pale pink, shocking her. She backpedaled away from the other bed, staring at her hands as if they were foreign to her. 'Kami, what is happening to me? Are my hallucinations returning?'

 

Even as she tried to rationalize the light, and get over her shock, she realized that the pain in her chest had reduced. As she watched, a small stream of light left her fingertip and traveled towards Kikyou, before completely covering the sleeping demoness. A small sound of contentment from the demoness' otherwise frozen mouth, relaxed Kagome. 'Whatever the light was, it seemed to have comforted her and reduced her pain. Thank the Kami that it appeared when it did.'

 

Kagome moved closer to the sleeping woman and bent down to peer into her face. And suddenly, she was falling, falling at great speed through utter darkness. A small light appeared in the distance as her unslippered feet touched cold, hard stone causing her to shiver.

 

She was surrounded by darkness, a small lantern some way off being the only source of illumination. Fearing the thick, oppressive darkness, she moved towards the light, and then stumbled to a stop as she wished she hadn't. A small, grievously wounded child sat awkwardly on the floor, holding the head of an old lady. The rest of the woman's body was a few feet away and seemed to be melting. The stench of burning flesh permeated the air, though the blood-covered child seemed oblivious of it.

 

Kagome gasped. She stuffed a fist into her mouth to avoid vomiting at the grisly sight. 'Who are these people? And why is Kikyou dreaming of them? Where is Kikyou?'

A slight movement to one side answered her question. A pale Kikyou sat on the floor with her eyes squeezed shut, her body supported by the wall behind her. As Kagome moved towards her, she was surprised to see that the demoness' outline seemed to be wavering. She seemed fuzzy and indistinct, and her form kept expanding and contracting crazily. Kagome stumbled to a stop. She would have put it down to lack of illumination, but knew that the peculiarity was caused by something else. Shaking her head, she resumed walking towards the demoness.

 

She had just about reached the demoness, when she heard the other murmur `Kagome'. The demoness' desperate tone affected her on a primal level, and she took a sharp breath. The sound must have alerted Kikyou because she opened her eyes, causing Kagome to stumble backwards and cry out. As darkness once again claimed her, the last thing she saw was the demoness' gleaming eyes - her gleaming golden eyes.

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

 

Kagome sat up with a jerk. She noticed that she was back in her dorm room and rose unsteadily to her feet. Her heart hammered wildly in her chest as she moved towards the bed, where the slumbering Kikyou showed signs of waking up. She leaned over the demoness as she rubbed her eyes, desperately needing to see the colour of the inu's eyes.

 

Sesshomaru opened his eyes to see Kagome's face inches away from his. He had an uncharacteristic need to kiss his savior. For he knew, as clearly as he knew his own name, that it had been Kagome who had pulled him out of the hellish memory. Who knows what other soul-shattering memory he would have been forced to relive, if she had not come along and rescued him. The voices were still there, but in a reduced capacity, and he took a deep breath, trying to purge himself of the horror and pain.

 

“They're brown!”

 

The disappointment in her voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “Hmm?”

 

Kagome coloured slightly at her position, before straightening. “Your eyes. In that…place, I swear they looked golden.”

 

Sesshomaru tensed at the words and quickly tried to divert her attention. “What were you doing there, anyway?” To his great relief, his question seemed to throw her into deep thought. He knew that his emotional upheaval had, somehow, caused his avatar to waver, and that, if given enough time to think over it, Kagome would realize the truth.

 

Kagome shrugged, her brow wrinkled in thought. “I really don't know. One minute I leaning over your face to see if you were alright, and the next second I was in your dream. It's so bizarre!”

 

He sat up. “Why were you doing that? I mean, what alerted you to the fact that I was having a nightmare?”

 

Kagome sniffed, light colour suffusing her face. “Okay, don't laugh or anything, but I can sense people's grief. And the stronger the grief, the stronger I feel it. Your pain was so strong that it awoke me, and when I realized that the source of all that pain was you, I came to see if I could help you. And, then…”

 

He was hanging onto her every word. After what she had done for him, he considered her no less than the Kami in flesh. Softly, he prompted her, “Then?”

 

Kagome looked sheepish. “It was nothing. I just thought…I mean it looked as if my hands were glowing. I know it sounds crazy, but I am pretty sure that that light moved to you, and somehow, helped in lessening the pain. Does that make sense?”

 

Awestruck and grateful, Sesshomaru stared at her, wondering again how his youki had not repelled her ki . “Actually, Kagome, it makes perfect sense. Thank you for helping me.”

 

Kagome gave the demoness a sharp looking, wondering if she was mocking her, but seeing nothing but sincerity in the normally cold inu, nodded self-consciously. “No need to thank me, I really didn't do anything much! It just happened pretty much on its own.”

 

The words caused Sesshomaru to frown a bit, as he remembered that his youki had helped Kagome pretty much on its own, without his direction. And, now her ki had helped him without her direction. The mystery puzzled him, and he resolved to think over it later, when his head was not feeling like a punching bag and his emotions were not so tattered. Noticing her moving to her own bed, he stopped her. “Can…can I ask you for a favour?”

 

A guarded expression on her face, Kagome turned to the demoness. “Sure, Kikyou. Tell me.”

 

A part of Sesshomaru felt disgusted at showing such weakness, but he batted the thought away. After reliving his horrible memories, he needed a good night's sleep and that would be impossible with the accusatory voices in his head. So he turned to the only person who could help him in this situation. “Can…can you sleep with me, please, tonight?” Seeing outrage growing in the girl's eyes, he waved his hands at her. “No, no, nothing like that. Just sleep in my bed. I really don't want to be alone after what I saw.”

 

Kagome hesitated slightly. Given their history, she would have declined, but the demoness' desperate tone coupled with the memory of the horrendous dream, had her nodding. As she slipped into Kikyou's bed, she asked delicately, “Who were they, Kikyou?”

 

Sesshomaru took in her soothing scent, and felt the voices retreat at her proximity. Relieved, he answered softly, “They, Kagome, were part of my past. A past that I don't want to discuss at this time.”

 

Kagome nodded slightly and lay down, covering herself with a sheet. She lay stiffly, wondering if Kikyou would disregard her words and try something. So, it was with great relief, that she felt the demoness take a deep breath, murmur a quick `goodnight', and turn away.

 

Despite her wariness and his mental trauma, both were asleep within minutes.

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

She cackled in glee, as she checked herself once again in the floor length mirror. Dressed in pristine white, Tsubaki was a sight to behold. Her long, white hair, her porcelain skin and her sparkling, blue eyes made her look ethereal. Even the vicious scar above her right eye seemed to add to her mysterious aura, and strangely enhanced her beauty. She knew that her lord would be unhappy with her visiting him at his place of business, and therefore, wanted to look her best. Satisfied at her appearance, the woman gathered the props for her disguise. She wondered if she should take her veil along with her, but then decided against it.

 

She was in a good mood. She had finally found a trace of the One! She knew that her lord would want to hear the happy tidings at once, and that is why, was risking his wrath by making such an audacious move. She only hoped his happiness would be greater than his anger, and that he would not punish her for letting the powerful miko get away. Quickly locking her flat, she moved towards her car, breathing in the fresh early morning air.

 

The sun had just shown its face, painting the morning sky in a riot of colours, and Tsubaki smiled at the beautiful sight. The half-hour drive to Onigumo Towers seemed to flash by, and she pulled into the underground garage, fully expecting it to be empty. So, it was an unpleasant shock for her to find more than a dozen cars in the lot. Narrowing her eyes at the implications, she froze in indecision. `To go in or not, that is the question. Either way, I will incur his wrath. At least this way, there is a chance that he will not punish me, too much!'

 

Firming herself, she confidently walked to the reception. Smiling at the brunette manning the counter, she leaned forward giving him a good view of her deep cleavage. “Hi, Frankie! How come you're in so early?”

 

The man, whom Tsubaki considered to be dumber than a shoe, gave her a loopy smile. “Oh, the bosses are having a video-conference with some shits in America about some new acquisition. So, they dragged us all out of our beds to make sure everything was in order. But, how come you're here? Missing me?”

 

She wanted to laugh at his ridiculous statement, but coyly, dropped her eyes to the floor. “Frankie!” Wishing she could blush on command, like some of her old friends, she raised her eyes, hoping that she had softened him considerably. Casually, as if the words were of no importance, she asked, “So, who all from the top management is here?”

 

The grinning guy leaned towards her, not believing that she was giving him the time of the day. She was generally so haughty and cool, that it was a wonder that she even knew his name. “Mr. Fudo Onigumo is in the conference room, with Mr. Komutoku Kuroki and Mr. Ryuunosuke Shijo. The other partners haven't come in as yet.”

 

Tsubaki cursed under her breath. `Kuso! The others are here. Generally, he is the only one here at this time. Now, what do I do? Do I wait, or do I risk it?' Indecision wracked her, but then she wiped her damp palms on her skirt, and beamed at the hapless male. “Frankie, buzz me up, please. I really have to meet with Mr Onigumo urgently.”

 

The man looked troubled. “I don't know. You aren't supposed to be allowed in the upper floors. I have strict orders not to let anyone without an elevator pass.”

 

She made a mental note to ask her lord for an elevator pass, and then leaned forward giving him an extremely generous peek of her delectable mounds. Her voice was husky, as she breathed. “Please, Frankie, I'll owe you one!”

 

That's all it took for the man to crack under her feminine assault on his senses. “Okay, but only because you say it's urgent!”

 

Winking at him, Tsubaki moved towards the elevators, laughing at the poor fool, who would by the end of the day find himself jobless. As the elevator pinged to the topmost floor, she took a calming breath, and then walked out to the conference room. She was the picture of poise, though her insides were churning with hope, anticipation, fear and excitement. How that man could reduce her to this state, she would never understand, but she hoped that he would always have this effect on her.

 

Smiling at the thought, she knocked on the conference door. Hearing a strong voice granting her entry, she opened the door. She walked in, gratified to see her entry causing curiosity to leap into her lord's usually solemn eyes. Hiding her elation behind a smooth façade, she bowed to all three males, knowing that the questions would come at her with speed and directness.

 

The first salvo came from expected quarters. Fudo raised one eyebrow, his eyes fixed on her in undisguised hostility “Tsubaki, what are you doing here? Weren't you on leave for the next few days?”

 

She nodded, knowing that she would have to be careful in her dealing with him, especially since there were others present. “Sir, I am sorry to barge in like this, but I have just got some urgent news to tell you.” From the corner of her eyes, she noticed her words hold the partners' attention, and hoped she could get her message to her lord, without the others suspecting anything. “News that, really, could not wait until later.” She would have continued but a sharp voice interrupted her.

 

“How rude!” Komutoku gave her an once-over. “Who is this woman, Fudo? And, what is she talking about? I hope you haven't been hiding something from us.”

 

Fudo shot the young man a glare. His hands clenched on the table, and Tsubaki took a step backwards, knowing he would erupt. She took a relieved breath, when the man seemed to suppress his anger. His voice was sleek, as he introduced her. “Komutoku, Ryuunosuke, this is Tsubaki. She is one of my assistants and has often accompanied me on my digs across the world. You probably haven't met her since she doesn't come to these offices often. And, Tsubaki, these are my business partners in Onigumo Inc.”

 

Ryuunosuke leered at her. “Wish all my…assistants were as good-looking.” The comment earned him a glare from all the others in the room, and he shrugged. “What, Fudo, you mean to tell me she's never warmed your bed?”

 

Tsubaki paled. This was not going well at all. Nervous, she looked at the floor, mortification and fear flooding her cheeks with colour. She knew her lord would be furious. Peeking at him from under her lowered lashes, she realized that her assessment was correct, and unless she broke her news soon, she would be punished most soundly when he got his hands on her.

 

Fudo leaned forward, his face a picture of violence. “Though it is none of your business, that is exactly what I mean. I am not as depraved as you, Shijo. Now, I suggest you apologise to the young lady, for making such insinuations on her character.”

 

She nearly passed out. Things were worsening, and rapidly. The longer this played out, the more severe her punishment would be, and frankly, she gave two hoots for the apology. Not wanting this to turn into a pissing contest, she interrupted with a smile. “Its okay, Mr Onigumo! I just came here to tell you this news without any delay, and I'll leave soon after.” She paused at the thunderheads on her boss' face, and sighed to herself. `Sometimes I just can't win, no matter what!' Noticing all eyes on her, she cleared her throat. She had practiced her spiel several times and concentrated on just getting the words out right, so that her lord got the real import of her words. “I believe I have found a clue as to the rare statue of Midoriko from the Sengoku Jedai period that you were looking for.” Fudo gave her a broad smile, but as she carefully studied her lord's face, she realized that the he hadn't caught the hidden meaning behind her words. So, she continued, “Yes, it is true. I was searching for the One all this while, and yesterday evening, I believe I found a trail that may lead us to Midoriko's embodiment.”

 

She noticed a flash of understanding in her lord's eye, and his stunned expression nearly led her to burst into merry laughter. The expression was hidden a scant second later, but knowing that she had managed to surprise him, made her feel on top of the world.

 

A hint of concealed excitement lined Fudo's voice. “Hmm, if this clue pans out, we will have a most unique treasure at our disposal. It is a priceless discovery and would truly propel me to the big league of archeologists. I must have this statue, Tsubaki! We must discuss this in detail after the conference call.” As she nodded, he spoke again. “Well done, Tsubaki! I am most pleased with your work.”

 

Tsubaki inclined her head, graciously accepting the commendation. She knew her real commendation would come later, when she was alone with her lord. Anticipation grew in her, and her eyes sparkled. Bowing to all three males, she left the room. She glided down the corridor, and then not being able to control herself any longer, burst into wild laughter.

 

She knew she would be rewarded for her amazing news, by getting fucked brutally by her lord even as he hurt her in the most delicious ways. Wiping the sweat off her forehead, and controlling her rampant desire, at the thought of him pounding into her, she took a deep breath. She could hardly wait for tonight!

 

xxXxxXxxXxx

 

 

Sango paced the ring, irritation mounting in her with each passing second. She had a training session scheduled with Kouga for 6 a.m. and despite the fact that it was close to 8 a.m, there was no sign of the wolf.

 

Despite having spent most of her night reviewing the sensibility of having Kouga as her coach, Sango was still ambivalent about her decision. Till yesterday, he had been her only hope, the only one who could get her ready for `Annihilation'. But, today, she was not so sure.

 

She hated the fact that her lover and coach was the sort of youkai who had other people fight his battles. This sort of cowardice was one character trait that Sango absolutely abhorred. She could bear any character flaw in people, but not cowardice. It was why she disliked Miroku so much. It wasn't his hentai nature, but his spinelessness that made her despise him. On the other hand, having no other viable alternative as her coach, she was stuck having the wolf as her coach. One thing, however, was clear to her. No longer could she be with Kouga anymore. All her desire for him had evaporated after his idiotic behaviour last night.

 

A sound made her turn around, and she saw Kouga strolling in, a big smile on his face. “Sango, my dear, you are looking rather fetching today.”

 

Sango gave him a cool smile. “You're late!”

 

He gave her a lopsided grin as he jumped into the ring. “My sweet, come on. Which sensible person gets up so early to practice? Especially on a Saturday.”

 

His words ignited her smoldering temper. Not wanting to alienate her only hope, but still wanting to get her message across, she snapped. “Kouga, we hardly have any time left. The competition is in two months time, and I think we should finally start our training. There is a lot of ground for me to cover, and I want to learn as much as possible!”

 

He neared her and caressed her cheek. “Whoa, you look so hot when you are angry.” He bent his head and nuzzled her neck, only to be pushed away by the extremely irate fighter.

 

“Stop it! I mean it! Despite your promising to coach me, all our training sessions have ended in makeout sessions. You have not sparred with me, even once; forget about teaching me anything. But, enough is enough! I haven't called my lover here, but my coach. And, I expect my coach to be as devoted to his responsibilities as my lover is. So, stop pussyfooting around and coach me, Kouga!”

 

He flashed her a dimpled smile. “Sango, don't be like this!” He attempted to kiss and make up, but the fighter was in no mood for the conciliatory gesture, and pushed him, again.

 

“Then how should I be? I am amazed at your attitude. You have been treating this like a joke. When are you going to coach me? Why can't you be serious, for once?”

 

His face grew impassive, as he stared at her angry face. Then he laughed cruelly. “So, you want seriousness? Fine, I'll give you seriousness. Let me start by telling you, that you seriously bore me. You are seriously lousy in bed and have a serious lack of any martial talent.”

 

Sango gaped at his cruel tone and his sudden change in temperament. She had never imagined that he would say things like this to her. Her eyes swept his face, wondering whether he would burst into laughter, a `gotcha!' on his lips. However, his cold eyes and hard face told her that this was no joke. “What the hell are you saying, Kouga? I don't understand!”

 

He laughed again, his eyes shining brightly in his twisted face. “You don't understand, bitch? Let me clarify it for you. We are through! You can find another trainer for `Annihilation', since there is no way that I am willing to coach you.”

 

Panicking at his cold statements, Sango vacillated between begging him to stay and help her, to beating him to a pulp for going back on his promise. “But, but…you can't do that!”

 

“Sure, I can. I consider it beneath my standard to coach a weak human like you. You consider yourself a great fighter but you forget that I was there at `Knockout'. I saw you fight there, and so know, just what you are capable of. Just because you've won against humans does not mean that you have a chance against youkai. No matter how much training you get, you cannot match up to youkai standards. I can spend the next five years training you, and you still will not be able to beat a youkai. You know why? Because you are an abject disgrace as a martial fighter!”

 

Sango could not believe her ears. Each caustic word had hit her heart like a sharp dart, and she felt the first stirrings of rage grow within her. The fact that he had insulted her skills and caliber was the last straw, as far as she was concerned. She could take any insult easily, but an insult to her fighting skills always set her off. Knowing that her volatile temper would create more problems in this case, she banked her fury. “Listen, Kouga, I am sure we can work something out.”

 

The wolf scoffed, and turned away, making his way to the edge of the ring. In desperation, Sango pulled his arm to stop him from walking away. A snarl later, Sango flew back, crashing into one of the posts. “Bitch, how dare you touch me without my consent? You are nothing but trash to me. The only reason why I pursued you was because I saw you as a challenge. And, if you haven't guessed it, I love challenges. But, now that I've done you, I can see how revolting you truly are.”

 

Sango shook her head to clear her vision, glimpsed Kouga's smirking face looming in front of her, and immediately, saw red. Jumping up, she attacked the wolf, letting her fury rule her head and heart. To her distress, each of her moves was countered with ease. It almost seemed as if the wolf was toying with her. Deciding to up her game and fight with her usual level of skill, Sango calmed herself, and then, relaunched her attack. Feinting and ducking, weaving in and out of range of his deadly claws, she managed to land a solid blow on the youkai and knock him a couple of feet away. A huge grin split her face, her pleasure at her success making her heart soar.

 

Her smile, however, died a quick death, as a snarling Kouga faced her. His crimson orbs glittered maliciously, as he stood. He moved towards her, his fangs bared and his claws extended. “Congratulations, Sango, you have finally got my attention! And, you will get exactly what you have been whining for. You wanted to spar, right? So, let's spar!” Moving in a blur, he swiped at the girl, missing her by a hair breadth, as she hurled herself to one side at the very last moment.

 

Kouga taunted her from the other end of the ring. “What's the matter, Sango? Suddenly, not so cocky, are you? Do you now realize, exactly what you are up against? But, it doesn't matter. After I'm thought with you, you won't have to worry about `Annihilation', `cause you will be lucky to be able to fight in it.”

 

Fear coursed through the fighter at the youkai's words but she did not allow it to overcome her. Gritting her teeth in determination, she stood, willing him to do his worst. Even though she knew that he would end up hurting her severely, since she had no hope of defending herself, she refused to let the thought weaken her. She had never backed away from a fight, and was not going to start now.

 

Kouga smirked at her ready stance. “Though I do admire your courage, I pity you for your foolishness. So tell me, Sango, are you ready to be utterly and totally trounced?” Not getting any answer from the determined fighter, he snarled. “Let's spar!”

 

He rushed at her with great speed, his claws extended, and Sango took a deep breath, bracing herself for injury, since she knew that she would be unsuccessful in blocking his attack. But before the youkai could reach her, another blur knocked him away from her and into the far wall of the ring.

 

A loud, warm voice came from behind her. “Great idea, fleabag! But why don't you pick on someone your own size, and spar with me?”

 

Sango stared at the youkai who was shaking his head and attempting to stand up. A feeling of relief and satisfaction burst in her, as she saw the level of his disorientation. Even though she knew that her plans for `Annihilation' had just flown out of the window, and all her dreams and aspirations had come crumbling down, she was glad that she would no longer have to bear the fucker.

 

Shrugging at the irony of fate, Sango turned around fully intending to thank her saviour but froze when she saw who it was. “You?”

 

 

TBC….

 

 

A/N: Aloha, people!

 

To those who have wondered whether I dropped off the edge of the earth: I reassure you that I am very much here. Only my evil computer seemed to have been possessed by spirits who were intent on making my chapters disappear.

 

The stupid hunk of metal ate up Chapter 14 thrice. Fully written, ready to be posted, chapter 14...all gone! THRICE! I raged, ranted and cried at the unfairness of life, until a friend who is good with computers managed to wrestle all three versions of Chapter 14 out of the evil computer. I combined all three versions, which differed only in tone and narration, and voila! The result is there for you to read.

 

I just hope that you guys appreciate the time and effort I put into typing this 16,000+ word long chapter thrice!

 

Reviews would be much appreciated!