InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ His Pain, Her Wish ❯ Chapter 2- Inuyasha's Broken Soul ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter 2- Inuyasha's Broken Soul

The hanyou trudged out of the hut that night, wanting to get as far away from human contact as he possibly could manage. It was difficult to just sit and hear their voices, to know that he cared so much for them, especially one in particular. Every since the inevitable happened, Inuyasha couldn't help but wonder, who would be the next person dear to him to be torn away from the world of the living, leaving him all alone in this suspended reality just as Kikyou and his mother did? Would it be the lecherous monk? Though despite how he may act, Inuyasha had grown almost a brotherly fondness to the houshi. The cursed wind tunnel in his right hand had recently grown wider after he'd over used the Kazaana against Naraku during their most recent battle. How soon would it be before the curse completely devoured the monk just as it had his father and grandfather?

After that, would it be Sango? How she would handle losing the monk and what about Kohaku? What if Kagome couldn't do Kikyou's job and keep the shard in his back purified? Inuyasha hated to think that Kagome couldn't accomplish the task, but to him right now, the entire world looked dark, as if nothing good could possibly happen anymore for him or his friends. Would the slayer kill her little brother in order to free him from the suffering he was bound to from Naraku's control? What if the shard in his back did become tainted? If Sango killed her little brother, surely the demon exterminator would end up slaying herself in the end. What purpose would she have to live if both Miroku and Kohaku died? Yes, that most likely would be Sango's fate, Inuyasha was certain of it. The hanyou failed to see anything favorable happening for any of them anytime soon.

Then what about little Shippou? Even though the kitsune drove Inuyasha completely bonkers at times, he couldn't help but care deeply for little runt. Before Kikyou's passing, before they experienced the emotional wounds, Kagome and Inuyasha almost seemed to care for the little youkai orphan in almost a mother and father way, especially Kagome. She was always wonderful with Shippou, making sure he had his goodies if he needed a candy fix, always having a warm bed prepared for him if the little kitsune grew worn down before the others. Kagome would be the ideal mother someday, and more than once Inuyasha had wondered if Kagome would eventually end up mothering his pups? Then he'd curse himself for having such promiscuous thoughts about the young miko, especially when Kikyou showed up.

That was all in the past now. It meant nothing to the hanyou at this point in time. He was so overwhelmed with grief, that Inuyasha could barely focus on anything but his pain and his fears. Inuyasha had never in his life felt so weak and vulnerable and it vexed him. Dying didn't even seem to be too bad of option with the way he was feeling right now. Would this brave, stubborn, arrogant half-dog demon ever come out of his stupor? Inuyasha didn't know and he honestly couldn't help the way he was feeling at the present time. All of his sentiments had become dark as he thought about more loss and trauma he was most likely to experience. As long as Naraku was alive, Inuyasha knew that the wretched half youkai would do anything and everything beyond his power to try and destroy the inu-hanyou.

His thoughts drifted back to Shippou once more. What if something had happened to the little fox youkai in a battle? Clever as he was, he was still a child who could still get hurt if nobody could get to him in time to protect him. How would the hanyou handle seeing the body of a child, dead and cold such as Shippou? The picture burned brightly in his mind and Inuyasha growled at the mental image. The hanyou clenched his teeth and contracted his hands into fists, allowing his claws to dig into his flesh, not caring that the insides of his hands were being pierced, drawing blood. He continued to walk away from the huts until he found himself near the trees once more, the thoughts of his friends in danger still lingering on his mind. There was also the most important person to him in the world, Kagome...What would happen if now that Kagome had to carry on with Kikyou's duties, something happened to her as it did Kikyou? Didn't he promise Kagome that he would never allow her to fall into Naraku's hands again? Didn't he promise that he would never let her suffer like Kikyou did? She had been tainted once before by Naraku's spiderwebs, so what if it happened again and Kagome couldn't purify herself this time around?

What if Naraku got his filthy hands on the precious miko and destroyed her in much the same way that he had destroyed Kikyou, only it would be worse? Kagome's living body would become mutilated from the attack, and the image of Naraku's tentacles penetrating the miko leaving Kagome bleeding profusely came into his mind as the monster of a half-demon held the suffering young woman in his arms. Of course Naraku wouldn't care that this was happening, and he would tauntingly laugh down at Inuyasha, the pathetic hanyou who had been helpless and wasn't able to save Kagome from Naraku's attack.

Those were the thoughts and visions that played over and over again in his mind, along with Kikyou's death. It was hard enough to just keep on forcing himself to go on after losing Kikyou, but if anything happened to Kagome or his other friends, Inuyasha was clueless as to what'd he do. Every single day it seemed like a task to just open his eyes and awaken, when sleep did manage to find him the previous nights. It was arduous enough to try and continue on the journey back home. Even though it wasn't her fault, Kagome hadn't managed to save Kikyou and neither did he. The hanyou was overcome by remorse for this. He blamed himself for not being able to protect her, but atleast he was with the woman in her final moments. That much he could do atleast.

Though Inuyasha did care for his friends, being near them was almost just as painful as losing Kikyou, especially with the terrible thoughts the hanyou privately harbored. The 'what if' thoughts always came rushing back into Inuyasha's mind whenever he saw them or whenever they spoke to him, and he found himself not wanting to get any closer to them, especially Kagome. These fears had to be what caused him to distance himself from the woman he cared most about in the world. Maybe it was a bit selfish, but who the hell cared? He was the one suffering at this point, wasn't he? Nobody had been as close to Kikyou as he had been. She had been the first woman he truly loved, except for his mother of course. With Kikyou, everything had been different.

Inuyasha cursed and questioned the fact of why, why did they have to be torn apart like they did 50 years ago? Maybe this was why he'd been pushing his friends away, so he wouldn't have to deal with another situation like that again. Naraku had a certain way of turning people whom cared for each other against one another, so maybe this was one of Inuyasha's fears? That Naraku would use his friends and Kagome to his advantage, turning them all against the hanyou or worse, somehow slowly kill each and every one in front of the defenseless hanyou so he could suffer even more.

Kikyou and Inuyasha's bond had seemed so strong, so why did they allow something as stupid as a deception from a jealous half-demon bandit such as Onigumo tear them apart? Inuyasha questioned their bond, wondering if it had really been as strong as he'd thought it had. Why did he truly believe that it had been Kikyou whom was shooting at him? Why did he stoop to such a level as to steal the Shikon no Tama and destroy the village as he had? Because I was furious! I was certain Kikyou betrayed me when she didn't! She lost her life twice because of me. It's all my fault...atleast she's not suffering anymore, but Kikyou...I'm still suffering. I'm pushing my friends away, I know I'm hurting Kagome, but it's like I can't control what I'm feeling or what I'm even doing.

Inuyasha found himself in the trees once more. The hanyou raised his head, closing his amber eyes and sniffed the air around him. There was a gentle breeze whispering through the delicate, green leaves. The air smelled fresh for a change. There was no scent of youkai anywhere nearby. The only thing he did capture was the scent of the humans in the village and his comrades a ways away back in the hut where he was certain they were all sleeping now, well...except for maybe Kagome.

He had heard the girl sobbing as he left the hut, his keen hearing had picked it up along with Sango's gentle, soothing voice. Atleast you're not alone, Kagome. The hanyou caught the fresh scent of her salty tears and he had felt the pain eminating from her as he had sat in the cabin with her. Despite how she was feeling the hanyou chose to brush it off, no matter how horrible it made him feel. Inuyasha couldn't help but wonder how Kagome could hurt like that anyway? It's not like she and Kikyou were super close friends like she and Sango were. Inuyasha just didn't realize how clueless he truly was when it came to Kagome's feelings.

The hanyou took a giant leap and landed comfortably on top of the wooden appendage. His locks of ivory tresses billowed out from behind him as the wind rushed gently past him, rustling the branches and leaves. It was almost if the wind were trying to speak with him. The hanyou sighed softly, leaning his head back against the body of tree and gazed upward at the midnight blue blanket. The silver stars sprinkled gently across the celestial sphere and the moon's waning glow was visible through the many scattered branches and leaves. Inuyasha found himself lost in his thoughts once more. He never wanted to hurt Kagome, not at all. He couldn't get the look that her face held the day he called her a bitch, out of his mind and that pained him even more. The hanyou folded his arms inside the sleeves of his haori and closed his eyes.

-ooOOoo-

"KAGOME-CHAN! OVER THERE!" Sango cried out as the massive bird youkai swooped menacingly upon the fighting comrades.

Inuyasha was busy fighting others single-handedly while Sango, Miroku and Kirara fought another group of them in mid-air. They were gargantuan beasts, with wingspans of atleast 10 feet long, maybe more. Their heads looked almost reptilian and they had long, curved, black beaks. Above their beaks rested 2 sets of red, glowing demon eyes. An entire flock had advanced upon the group and if he had to guess, Inuyasha figured there were atleast twenty of these bird-like youkai, maybe even more.

The entire flock zoomed downward nearly catching the traveling group off-guard, but thanks to Inuyasha's keen sense of smell and Mirko and Kagome's ability to sense the demonic aura, they prepared themselves as quickly as possible for the fight. The winged youkai that had attacked Inuyasha-tachi were soon being obliterated. Atleast they hadn't lost their fighting strength. Kagome had just fired one of her arrows,annihilating atleast seven or eight of them all at once. She shot one arrow right after the other, pratically dissolving the beasts to nothing but demon flesh and feathers. Their feathers scattered about the air and the bloodied, defeated chunks of the youkai fell to the ground in clumps as the gang fought ruthlessly.

One of the birds had spotted Kagome and opened it's beak to let out a blood-curdling shriek. It zoomed downward toward the miko who was ready for it. Kagome stood, her legs slightly spread in battle stance and reached back to her quiver to grab an arrow. The miko's eyes widened as her hand grasped nothing but air. "OH NO! INUYASHA! SANGO-CHAN! I'M OUT OF ARROWS!" cried the miko as the bird was just inches from her now. It opened it's beak so wide that Kagome could see it's green, scale-covered tongue and right down it's throat. The bird youkai was going to swallow her alive.

"HIRAIKOTSU!" came Sango's cry and a whipping sound hitting the air shortly followed as the demon slayer's boomerang-like weapon slashed it's head clean off.

Kagome stood in frozen silence, too frightened and shocked to even find the will to move. The beast's massive body fell to the ground heavily right next to Kagome's feet, it's head landing somewhere nearby. The little miko clutched her chest, took quite a few steps backwards and fell to her knees breathing heavily. Kirara lowered herself down to the ground and the demon slayer jumped off of her back. Sango ran to the miko's side and placed her hands on Kagome's shoulders, staring worriedly into the young priestess's frightened face.

"Kagome-chan, are you alright?" Sango asked, willing the girl to look her in the face.

Inuyasha-tachi had just finished extinguishing the entire flock of bird demons. Inuyasha landed hard on his feet behind Sango, staring down at Kagome with a somewhat crude and cold expression. Tetsuisaiga's blade rested on his shoulder as the hanyou's clawed hand clasped the hilt of the sword. He sheathed the Tetsusaiga once more and turned his back away from Kagome, allowing that silvery-white mane of hair to flow around him as he turned. He wanted to turn away from the petrified woman before she could catch the look of worry in his eyes.

"Y-yeah, I'm okay...caught me off guard. I've ran out of arrows," the miko stammered as Sango stayed knelt in front of her, trying to help her calm down.

"That's alright. We'll get you some when get to the next town," the monk stated as he walked towards where Kagome's shaking form was. "In the meantime, how about we take a breather and fix something to eat?"

"Yes, I think that's a good idea. We could certainly use a break after fightning those demons," the slayer pointed out.

"What do you say, Inuyasha? Do you mind if we sit down and take a moment to recooperate?" Mirko asked, advancing towards the hanyou's retreating form.

"Keh, whatever," Inuyasha replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm not hungry though, so you guys eat."

"But, Inuyasha," interrupted Kagome worriedly as Sango helped her trembling form stand up. "You've barely eaten anything this past week. You should really try eati-," but the girl was cut off as the hanyou whipped around and glared at her.

"Look, I said I wasn't hungry so don't fucking force me to eat, alright?" Inuyasha snapped.

"A-alright...I'm sorry," Kagome replied softly, lowering her head and turning away from the hanyou. It pained her to see the looks he gave her when he did manage to look at her. It was almost as if Inuyasha was disgusted with her. Not just her, but with Miroku, Sango and Shippou as well. Lately he'd resorted to just taking his anger out on whoever spoke to him first. However it had only been one week to the day since Kikyou's passing, so the miko tried hard to be understanding.

"I'll go and catch us something to eat. Kagome-sama, why don't you start a fire?" Miroku proposed to the others.

"I'll go with you, Houshi-sama," Sango stated as she too stood and approached the monk's side.

"Y-yes...I'll, start the fire," Kagome reiterated, going towards the trees and gathering up the bits of wood that had been broken when the youkai birds had crashed into the trees.

'Atleast some good came out of this battle,' the miko thought to herself as she laid the wood down and stooped to begin kindling the fire. Kagome snapped two rocks together, trying her hardest to get it started but nothing was happening. The girl was still horribly shook up after the battle and nearly being devoured by the bird demon that she could barely concentrate. So much had happened in such a little span of time, and the way Inuyasha had been treating her didn't help Kagome's hurt and bewilderment in the least.

Inuyasha peered down at the struggling miko from the tree he was sitting in. He could still sense the fear and lingering shock emitting from the young woman as she struggled to start the fire. Feeling bad for not saving her and pretending like he didn't even care she was nearly killed, the half youkai figured the least he could do was help her start the fire. Sighing inwardly, the hanyou lept from his perch on the tree and landed on the ground, horizontally from Kagome. He stared at the girl, as he sat with his hands and feet planted on the ground.

"Need some help?" the hanyou offered gruffly.

"No, it's fine. I can start a fire on my own," Kagome replied, not looking at him.

It was too hard to be around him here recently, especially now. and it almost felt as if he didn't even care that she had nearly been eaten by that bird. Usually he always asked her if she was okay aftewards, but this time he just stared coldy at her before turning his back. The hanyou hadn't even tried to rescue her from the bird's sudden attack. Kagome sighed and continued trying to start the fire when Inuyasha reached over and grabbed ahold of the rocks in the miko's hand. She pulled back on them roughly earning a harsh growl issuing from the hanyou's throat.

"Let's me start the fire. If you can't do it, then somebody who can do it should," Inuyasha stated arrogantly. He glared at Kagome, who shot him a glare back.

"I can DO IT myself! I don't NEED your help!" she reiterated, feeling a fire of her own building up inside of her own body now. Her dark eyes, bore down into the hanyou's who was now becoming infuriated with her, but Kagome didn't care. If she had to, she'd just sit him.

"Dammit, just give me the fucking rocks, bitch!!!" Inuyasha's voice rang out through the air, in angry, penetrative tones.

Kagome gasped softly, dropping the rocks to the ground. She brought a small, closed fist to her chest as she stared at the hanyou, not daring to believe what he'd just said. Did he just call her... Sango and Miroku had returned from catching fresh food for their friends when they had heard Inuyasha shout out the tuneless insult to the miko. Kagome just stared at him, not wanting to believe that he'd really call her what was referred to as a female dog and a terrible insult to human females. It felt like her heart had turned over in her chest and was being squeezed by an invisible hand. Why on earth would he call her something like that over starting a stupid fire? The shock that had been filling her insides soon reverted to hurt and by this point it had reached her eyes. She stared into those unrecognizable, golden orbs and got to her feet.

"Why? Why, Inuyasha?" was the only thing the miko could force from her constricting throat.

"Kagome-chan," Sango began as she made a move towards the woman who was like a sister to her.

"No...Sango-chan, it's okay...," Kagome replied shaking her raven head, moving back from the hanyou. "I'm just...I'm going to go sit by the river and...soak my feet. They...hurt," the miko quickly made up a lie. She turned from the others and ran into the grass and down the hill towards the river. Not one of them missed the soft sob that issued from Kagome's voice as she disappeared from their sight. Sango, Miroku and Shippou all stared at Inuyasha, their eyes wide and mouths slightly open.

Inuyasha growled and started to go after her, but stopped and cursed himself, brandising the Tetsusaiga and cutting down a tree out of rage. 'Dammit Kagome, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say what I did! Gah what the hell is wrong with me! Why do I keep losing my temper with her! Why do I keep hurting her! I swear I didn't mean to call you what I did! Ugh, this is not like me. Why in the hell do I have to feel like this! Why does it feel like I'm literally suffering!' the hanyou screamed furiously in his mind as he walked away from the group to try and calm himself down.

Inuyasha knew he shouldn't have lashed out at Kagome, but it seemed as though here lately he couldn't even control his temper. When he became angry, it was hard to keep him from exploding at the people surrounding him. Inuyasha dropped the fang sword's blade down at his side, still clutching it's handle and stared up at the blue sky. Hardly a cloud was in it. The day was glorious and it almost felt as though it were taunting him. Why was this so hard? What did he ever do to deserve to suffer through this?

-ooOOoo-

Inuyasha growled to himself as he drew one knee up, resting his elbow against it and continued to stare at the night sky. Try as he might, the hanyou could not force the memory of that day from his mind. He would never forget the look in Kagome's eyes, nor the sound of her cries. Inuyasha had hidden himself behind a group of bushes, listening to her and watching her as she lay curled up in a fetal position on the river bank, asking herself over and over again why. She had sounded so broken. Maybe it was hard for him right now, but it had to be hard for Kagome as well.

The way the hanyou had been treating her lately wasn't right, but Kagome never said a word to him about it. The girl hadn't wanted to upset him anymore then what he already was. Only until that day did Inuyasha not realize the how cruel he had been to the miko, but she still continued to be there for him, though he never allowed her to do much. He had crossed the line by calling her such a horrid name and he truly did feel terrible for speaking to her in such a manner. After that day, Inuyasha just bottle himself up, not wanting to even talk to her or anybody.

The hanyou just buried his feelings away from his friends, not wanting to discuss Kikyou or her death. Talking about her wasn't going to bring her back. He had told his friends this before when they attempted to bring up the tragic miko's fate. It was already hard enough losing her and Inuyasha wasn't quite ready to come to terms with her death. Even though her soul had been set free, she became an ordinary woman and she was no longer suffering, it was still difficult to come to the conclusion that Kikyou wasn't coming back to him. The hanyou knew that Kikyou would always be in his heart, but it was so hard to just pick up his feet and move on. Over and over again the night of her death replayed in his mind.

-ooOOoo-

Inuyasha held the miko close to his chest, her life slowly ebbing away as the stars began to appear one by one in the midnight blue sky. The hanyou didn't want to bring himself to believe that he was really going to lose his beloved Kikyou. The beautiful priestess had been tainted severely by Naraku's corrupted, deadly spiderwebs. The horrible half-demon had taken advantage of Kikyou's weakness, inserting the attenuated nearly complete Shikon jewel inside of her chest. It had been left up to Kagome to purify the jewel along with her wounds and while it may have worked, it did not save her. Naraku's corruption enveloped Kikyou's body and now she was beginning to decompose. There was no strength, no spiritual power left in the broken miko. She sighed softly as her head rested against the warmth of Inuyasha's fire rat sleeve.

'Kikyou...' he spoke her name to himself, wondering why things had to be this way. Atleast he made it in time to be with her in her final moments.

"Back then," came Kikyou's tired voice, somewhat surprising Inuyasha that she would speak considering the condition she was in.

"Kikyou?" the hanyou questioned, staring down at the fading miko's scathed face. No matter how beaten and cut up that the priestess looked, she was still very lovely, even though she was just moments from death.

"Do you remember, Inuyasha...before we were split apart by Naraku?" the miko questioned softly, her eyes half closed. It seemed as though she were using what remained of her strength to see the hanyou and speak to him. Inuyasha closed his eyes as his memories took him back to the time where he and Kikyou had discussed him becoming human by using the Shikon no Tama.

-----

The two had been sitting in the grass together just outside of the village. Kikyou couldn't bring herself to face the half-demon, but she did know what she had wanted to say. Clearing her throat softly the lovely miko turned towards Inuyasha, her long raven locks of hair blew softly past her face as she gazed at him.

"Inuyasha, why don't you use the Shikon no Tama and become human?" Kikyou had suggested..

Inuyasha just stared at her with a somewhat confused expression. He raised an eyebrow, curious as to why she'd ask him something like that. "If I become human, what will happen to you Kikyou?" the hanyou had asked with a somewhat worried tone.

"I am the protecter of the jewel. If it were used for such a purpose, the Shikon no Tama would cease to exist. If the jewel disappears...I will become an ordinary woman," Kikyou had explained to him.

-----

Inuyasha clutched the miko closer to him as the memories poured into his mind. Those were the days of happiness, as if nothing could ever ruin what they shared. Now those days were long gone. "Like I could ever forget that," the hanyou assured Kikyou. "At that point in time, I intended to become human and live with you."

Kikyou smiled very slightly, her eyes closing as if she were holding onto what remaining strength still could be in her body, releasing a very small giggle. "I have finally...become an ordinary woman," Kikyou stated in a gently elated tone. The happiness could be heard through her voice and the hanyou's ears flicked back and forth. His heart swelled with elation for her and pain at the same time. After so many years of suffering and torment, Kikyou's wish had finally come true. She had become the oridinary woman she had always wanted to be.

"Kikyou, since the day I was born, you were the first woman I ever loved," he told her, his voice cracking lightly. The hanyou continued to hold the woman, bringing her even tighter to his chest. 'But even so...I wasn't able to do anything...' He could feel the lump start to rise in his throat as the back of his eyelids began to burn. Inuyasha closed his burning, golden orbs as a tear escaped from his eye. The pain and grief were beginning to envelope his heart now and Inuyasha couldn't hold back the struggle against his emotions anymore. They broke free as the realization sunk in that Kikyou was slowly leaving this world. His tear slipped down his cheek, down his jaw and fell gently on Kikyou's face. The priestess stirred and her deep brown eyes slowly fluttered open. Her eyes moved upward to gaze into the hanyou's sorrowful face that now had tears streaming down one right after the other. A look of surprise and shock filled her features as she watched the unexpected.

"This is the first time I've seen it," Kikyou began softly. She averted her gaze momentarily and then looked back into his eyes smiling again. "Inuyasha...I've never seen you make such a face and cry like that," the fading miko told him. His breathing jerked as the sobs overwhlemed his constricting throat.

"Kikyou, I...," the hanyou began, staring down at her, his handsome features glazed with tears. "I WASN'T ABLE TO SAVE YOU!" he cried out despairingly, not caring if his friends heard him or not. Nothing mattered in the world right now, except for the fact that Kikyou was dying. She was really dying this time and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

The miko watched him, staring sadly up at him. It seemed as though Kikyou either didn't know what to say or that she no longer had the remaining strength to speak to him. He wondered if she could say anymore. The woman was fading very quickly. "You came for me...," her voice stated gently. A small smile made it's way back onto Kikyou's face. "And that's good enough," she told him in her gentle, cheerful voice.

"Kikyou," was all the hanyou could say. It was getting hard to speak and his tears wouldn't stop. He grasped the miko in his arms and brought his face down towards hers. They closed their eyes as their lips met. Inuyasha gave her a tender, goodbye kiss, one she could always remember as an ordinary woman. Once the two broke gently apart, Inuyasha rested his face against Kikyou's still crying softly for her.

"Inuyasha," was all the miko could say.

Just a breath from eternal sleep, a single tear welled up in Kikyou's eye. If she had not become an ordinary woman, she may not have been able to release that tear for Inuyasha. It streamed down her cheek as she closed her deep, kind eyes one last time. A smile still stayed on her face as the miko slowly faded into the night. Her body disappeared into swirling, sparkling dust from the hanyou's arms. Inuyasha had to hold back a wail of anguish from escaping his throat as the touch of Kikyou's body left his grasp forever. Kagome, Sango and Miroku all lept to their feet as a bright, merciful light poured over them all. The shinidamachuu sang a mourning, siren song to the air as they swarmed around the hanyou, grazing his face gently with their touch. He gazed upward at the light that had burst onto them so unexpectedly.

"This light is...," came Miroku's voice from somewhere behind him.

"Kikyou's soul," Sango finished for him. Inuyasha could smell the warm tears coming from Kagome and Sango both as he continued to stare upward, allowing the warm glow to bathe and caress him.

"It's like it's coming to greet us," Shippou stated softly.

"It's so warm...," Kagome acknowledged.

She wasn't the only one that felt the warmth of the beautiful miko's soul. She had been saved and Kikyou wanted to put their minds at ease by letting them know that. It was all thanks to Kagome that her soul had been saved. The shinidamachuu gathered themselves into a winding group, following the light that was beginnig to move upward towards the sky now and slowly fading.

"Kikyou is saying, don't mourn...Kikyou...won't suffer anymore," Inuyasha remarked in a somewhat strained voice.

"Inuyasha...," Kagome spoke his name softly. 'You said you would always protect her...'

Even though the grief was nearly unbearable and the pain was overwhelming, Inuyasha realized that the suffering miko's soul had been set free. She had been saved and because he had shed tears for her, Kikyou had finally been able to become an ordinary woman, just as she had always wished. As her light faded and Kikyou gave her final farewell to her friends, the gentle twinkle of the stars filled the sky, replacing the free miko's light.

-ooOOoo-

At this point, Inuyasha had lept down from the tree and rested his tired body against the trunk of it. Dammit! He cursed himself, pounding his fist into the soft brown earth. The familiar feeling of sorrow was coming back. His breathing stumbled and jerked as hot tears threatened the back of his eyes. The hanyou gritted his teeth as he stood up and began walking across the windblown grass. He approached the small clearing near the tree he had been sitting in and stared out at the night sky.

That memory would haunt his mind forever. Would he even be able to overcome the grief he felt at losing Kikyou? Atleast she didn't die in vain. That much he could hold onto. The hanyou knew she was at peace, and he knew to himself that she truly should never have been brought back into the world in the first place. She did nothing but suffer and struggle through so much, but atleast her passing had been peaceful.

"Kikyou...I," Inuyasha spoke as he gazed up at the sky, forcing his tears back into his head. "Dammit I can't keep doing this to myself. I don't know how to be strong anymore. I feel so helpless. I wonder if I'll ever be okay again."

The hanyou sighed as he turned from the sky and made his way back to the tree. He lay down on his side in the cool grass, allowing the blades to tickle his cheeks. It had been so long since Inuyasha had a good night's sleep. His body and mind were physically and emotionally exhausted. He was right, he couldn't keep doing this to himself. Kikyou wouldn't want that. Kikyou had changed so much from the time she had been ressurected up until now. The hanyou knew that Kikyou had wanted him to go on living. However, how could he now that she was gone? Inuyasha sighed, closing his golden orbs, trying to clear his mind of all thought and memory.

"Inuyasha," spoke her voice, warm and filled with laughter. The essence of her filled his insides as the hanyou forced his eyes open.

He sat up from where he had been laying, gazing down at the place that had so suddenly changed from grass to a plain whitespace. He stared up to see a familiar sparkling light swirling around him and the hanyou stood. There was a gentle, warm breeze that blew past his face and through his ivory tresses, allowing them to blow backward. "I can hear you. Where are you?"

"I'm over here, silly," came that voice again.

"K-Kikyou!?" Inuyasha questioned incredulously. Was it really true? Could it really be possible that Kikyou was there?

"Who else would it be? Now come along with me, Inuyasha. There's something I need to tell you," the miko told him smiling as she advanced towards the hanyou. Her form was glowing with it's own light and she was smiling beautifully. "There's something you need to know."

"What is it Kikyou? What do I need to know?" Inuyasha questioned in ernest.

"You musn't hurt anymore, Inuyasha," her tender voice filled his ears. She was very close to him now and the hanyou felt the familiar warmth the night she died.

"Inuyasha, there's still so much for you in the world. There's somebody who would be brokenhearted if you continued on like this," the priestess remarked, as she reached a hand out and held onto his. What was she trying to tell him?

"Kikyou, I don't understand. What are you trying to say?" the hanyou replied confused.

"Her voice will bring you back," the miko told him. "Stay strong, Inuyasha. Don't let it take over you." Her grip released his as the the woman's body slowly began fading. Kikyou's body began drifting back from the hanyou's. "You'll understand, I promise."

"Kikyou, wait! Don't go! Don't leave me again! Kikyou! KIKYOUUUUUUUUUU!!!" Inuyasha cried out, chasing after the fading woman. He reached his arms out to grasp her body in his, but grabbed nothing but air.

"Inuyasha! INUYASHA! Open your eyes!" came a voice very near him. It was so familiar and filled with worry. He felt small, delicate hands on his shoulders gently shaking him. "Please wake up! You're having a nightmare!"

"Kikyou!?" the hanyou, still half asleep cried out her name. "What did you mean!"

Kagome dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms comfortingly around the hanyou. She began caressing his silvery-white head gently, shooshing him and rocking him slightly. "It's okay, Inuyasha. I'm here. I'm right here. You were having a bad dream is all. Everything is okay. I'm here now," the miko soothed him.

"K-Kagome?" Inuyasha asked as he began to awaken. He breathed in her beautiful scent and allowed the young woman to hold him. "Please just...just hold me. Don't let me go. Just hold me."

"Alright Inuyasha, I'll hold you. I'll stay right here with you," Kagome reassured him. What could he have been dreaming about? I know he was dreaming about Kikyou...I mean that's to be expected, right? Was he dreaming about her dying again? the miko wondered to herself as she held and comforted the broken hanyou the best she could. Atleast he was allowing her to do this much for him.

Kagome's embrace is so comforting. I always want to be held like this by her, but why is this so hard? Why can't I just let things be like this always? Why do I keep being so cruel to Kagome? I just want to stay like this forever. I wish there was some way I could just turn this pain off, release it and let Kagome be my strength. If I were to do that, then I could feel happy again. What if though...what if I grow even more closer to Kagome only to have the same thing happen to her like it did Kikyou? What if I can't save her? What if she suffers because I'm too pathetic to keep her safe? I...I can't allow this to go on anymore. I can't let myself feel like this for her. If I lose Kagome too, this is going to kill me.

Inuyasha relished a few more moments of Kagome's embrace before he pushed the girl off of him with slight force. Kagome fell backward rather abruptly. She quickly threw her arms back to catch herself and stared up at him with shock and hurt on her face. Why did he just do that? Didn't Inuyasha just beg her to hold him? Didn't he want Kagome as his source of comfort through this? The hanyou stared down at Kagome, but not with that usual cold, harsh gaze. It was a look of distress and sorrow, almost as if he were straining against wanting to stoop down to her and gather her in his arms or run away from her. He chose the latter as he began taking steps backward from her.

"Inuyasha, I don't...," Kagome began, but she was cut off by a rough shake of the hanyou's head.

"Kagome stop...I just...I can't do this right now," Inuyasha stated, not exactly sure what he meant himself. He averted his eyes from Kagome and turned his body as he began to quickly move through the trees. "I'm sorry, Kagome."

Kagome stared at him shock as she watched the hanyou's retreating back. She reached one hand out to him, silently wanting him to come back for her, but he disappeared into the night. Why, Inuyasha...I don't understand. Just tell me, why do you keep pushing me away like this!?












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