InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ I Never ❯ How it Started ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the IY gang. I also don't own any beer (nasty stuff, I think) nor do I support getting somebody madly drunk. It just so happens I thought it would make a funny game show and knew it would and/or could never happen in real life because of severe controversy. (do I know what that word means? Almost! (^-^))

{A/N:} ^^ here it is: my lovely gameshow: I Never! It got plenty of reviews on ff.net, so maybe you can try and out do it?

----

"Hello ladies and gents!" the host exclaimed excitedly. Actually, he was only excited because he was getting paid, but it was excitement none-the-less. "Welcome to the first installment of I Never!, the game show that reveals your dirty secrets and gets you horribly drunk at the same time!

Okay, the rules are simple: There's a glass of beer in front of each player. One of the contestants will say something he or she hasn't done before. Then, the contestants who also haven't done that before do… NOTHING! It's the players who have done it that get to have all the fun and drink away!

Now for our contestants…"

A spotlight went over to the corner of the stage.

"The lovely Miss Sango!" the host called as the demon slayer came from around the curtain. "The to-die-for Miroku!" the host announced as Miroku popped from behind the curtain and made some fan girls in the audience faint. "The wonderful Miss Kagome!" he said as Kagome joined the others on the stage, looking slightly dazed. "And Last, but not least, Inu-Yasha!"

"Where the hell am I?!" Inu-Yasha roared as he appeared on stage.

"Really." Kagome sighed. "I was at home, for once, studying, when all of a sudden POOF! here I am."

"Same here…" Sango sighed. "Well the being at home part…"

"Me too." Miroku added.

"Well don't look at me!" the host defended. "She's the one writing!"

"And what exactly are you planning to do about it, little man?" I hissed from my spot in the control room.

The host visibly gulped. "Nothing…"

"Good! Now let's start the game!"

"I'm too young to drink." Kagome protested.

"So am I." I growled. "Now go figure."

"Okay…" Kagome said, slightly put out.

"Alrighty then!" the host interrupted, "If there are no questions-"

"I wanna go home!" Inu-Yasha shouted. "Make this crazy bitch let me go!"

I twitched angrily. You tend to do that after being called a bitch.

"Inu-Yasha!" Miroku reprimanded. "You never insult the authoress! You don't know what kind of hell she'll bring upon our shoulders!"

I twitched again. What did they think I was?! The devil's bride?!

"That's it! I'm calling in Sesshy and Kouga in for the next taping!" I shouted angrily over the loudspeaker.

"WHAT!?" Inu-Yasha shouted, surprised. I guessed I fixed his little red wagon.

"Quit arguing before I call Naraku as well." I scoffed.

Everybody gulped. I guess they would after being threatened with their greatest enemy…

"Let's begin, shall we?" the host said timidly.

My contestants took their seats at the 'cast' table. They looked around, kind of lost.

"Who goes first?" Miroku asked innocently.

"Uh…"

"You just can't find good help these days…" I growled with an irritated sigh. "Listen, moron, Inu-Yasha goes first! He is the main character after all. Doi!"

"I've never…uh… I've never groped anyone before" Inu-Yasha confessed.

Miroku chugged his glass, elicting dry glare from everyone.

"Big surprise there…" Sango muttered.

"According to this sheet," my host said as he held the sheet of paper with directions that I gave him, "Kagome is next.

"I've never had…er…dirty thoughts about someone." Kagome said.

Miroku, Inu-Yasha, and…SANGO chugged their glasses. Needless to say, everybody was surprised to see that Sango had though about somebody like THAT.

"Sango, who did you think about?" the host inquired.

"Like I'm gonna tell you!" Sango scoffed.

"Yes you will." I growled over the intercom with a hint of my authoress powers leaking through.

"Okay! I admit!" Sango confessed. "I've thought about Miroku!"

The audience nearly fainted. Their eyes were so big that they reminded me of balloons. They also made me want to take a pin and pop them all…

"I knew it!" Miroku exclaimed as he jumped out of his chair.

"umm…It's Miroku's turn." the host said as he gawked at the chanting Miroku.

It was actually a hilarious sight. Miroku was dancing around in circles chanting: "I knew it! Sango loves me! I knew it!"

"Damnit, Miroku!" Sango growled, annoyed. "It's kinda hard not to have dirty thoughts about you! With the way you act around women and all. Now just say something you've never done before!"

"Fine…" Miroku sighed after Sango successfully busted his bubble. "I've never seen my right hand!

"No fair! Of course you haven't!" Kagome protested.

"Sorry, Kagome. That was an acceptable 'I Never'. So drink up, you right-hand-seers you!"

Kagome sighed irritated then drank her glass; as did Sango and Inu-Yasha.

"Now it's Sango's turn." announced the host.

"I've never kissed any non-family before." Sango said simply.

"I could remedy that, my love." Miroku said cheekily as he scooted his chair closer to her.

"In your dreams, Monk!" Sango snapped as she flicked him on the nose, injuring a bit more than his pride; she is a demon slayer after all!

Inu-Yasha and Kagome drank their glasses and the alcohol began to take effect on their systems for the first time.

"[hic!] Look at all the pretty [hic!] lights!" Kagome exclaimed drunkenly.

"I think maybe we should call it a day…" the host tried to interrupt.

" NO WAY!" Miroku protested. "I want to see Sango drunk!"

Obviously Sango didn't hear, because if she had, Miroku would bee six feet under by now.

"Kagome, I only see stars. [hic!]" Inu-Yasha exclaimed as he drunkenly reached out in an effort to 'catch' some of the stars. It was actually kind of sad to see somebody that messed up…

"No, Inu-Yasha." Sango said, grabbing him by the shoulder and turning him around, " If you'll look to your left, [hic!] you'll clearly see the pretty lights Kagome and I see. [hic!]"

"Miroku, wish granted. Sango's drunk. Happy?" I asked.

"Almost…" he said as he edged closer to Sango.

"Sorry, but I can't allow that Miroku." I said as I left the control room.

I came on stage and grabbed him by the shoulder. I think he thought me pretty…

"And just who are you, gorgeous?" the monk asked.

"It's me. And before you ask, Miroku, the answer's no."

"Damn!"

"Before things get any weirder," the host interrupted, "I say that's all for now, folks!"

The audience began to clap.

"Hey!" I exclaimed angrily. "You have no authority over when this ends. Only I, the authoress, have control over that and I say it ends now!"

"I'm surrounded by idiots…" the host said while shaking his head in shame.

"What was that?!" everybody shouted in their half-coherent state.

"Bye ladies and gents!" the host shouted, ignoring the fact that I now had my claws wrapped around his throat. "Join us next time when, as threatened, Sesshomaru and Kouga will be here."

"Must…Buy…Tickets!" the rabid Sesshomaru fan girls in the audience exclaimed as they ran to the ticket booth.

"What?! She meant that?!" Inu-Yasha shouted frantically.

-----

{A/N:} That was rather pointless, wasn't it? Oh well! I had fun writing it and I hope you had fun reading it. Please review!

Preview:

Host: Where's Sango and Miroku?

Lady Netiri: WHAT?!?!? O.O

Inu-Yasha: I found them. [comes up from the ground green in the face]

Sesshomaru: I, Sesshomaru, am disgusted by these mortals.

Lady Netiri: But she's not even drunk yet! Besides, the rating for this is PG-13!!!