InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Idle Wishes ❯ Part Two: The Reason ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: Eartha

Idle Wishes

Part 2: The Reason

By: Eartha

-----

When Inuyasha finally found his brother's eyes…they were misted over. He had never seen such a look on his brother's face. It was as if he was reliving his own sad past, remembering something that was long forgotten…

Suddenly, his eyes fixed on him again. They were bright with a light Inuyasha didn't understand.

But as his brother raised his hand…Inuyasha closed his eyes.

He was awaiting his long overdue death…

He heard his brother's hand fly through the wind. His muscles tightened with anticipation.

Then the moment came…his brother's hand was hovering near his neck…

And…

He missed!

His hand had flown right past his artery…right past his neck…

He was about to voice his confusion when his brother's arm suddenly lashed onto his back, bringing him tightly to his chest.

His brain tried to process the information…but it was too strange for him to take in.

His first thought was that his brother was going to smother him to death….

But then he realized he was breathing fine…

What else could it be?

---

Sesshoumaru clutched his brother with the desperation of a dying man. He had never felt so overwhelmed with emotion. All of his loss, all of his suppressed fear and guilt over his father's death culminated into this one strange brotherly act of comfort.

He knew Inuyasha didn't understand, he remained tense in his hold as if awaiting the next move that would end his life.

He was lost, confused.

But, so was Sesshoumaru. This was uncharted territory. Never had he done such a familiar act with any person, not to mention his own brother whom he had detested since his very birth.

But things had changed.

His brother had reminded him that he was more than just a half-breed, he was more than a half-mortal who had sullied the bloodline of the Inu-Clan.

He was the former Tai-Youkai's son, his father's son.

He was his brother.

It was a fact he had never really accepted until this moment. The knowledge that this being was his blood, a part of his father, a part of him.

It made his past actions towards him all the more shameful.

No.

They were dishonorable.

He mentally cringed at the idea, but he could not deny it.

He had always claimed that his brother had dishonored the family, but what had he done? He knew of nothing that Inuyasha had done that could shame the family.

What had he done but kept his promises, protected those he loved, and fought for the good of all who lived?

He sighed.

He knew what he had to do.

Slowly he brought his head down towards his brother's ears…

---

Inuyasha was beyond confused, the very idea that his brother was embracing him did not even occur to his muddle wits. His head was still swimming from his former actions. His brother's tight hold on him did not help him either. It only served to make him even more light-headed.

Wait, there was something else.

This weakening of his body, it could not be solely from the events of the day. There was something more, something he should have known innately that would explain this draining of his life-force.

When he attempted to take a deep breath to clear his head, the answer came to him. He was losing his sense of smell. That only happened right before nightfall during the new moon.

Slowly, he watched as the sun set behind his brother's shoulder. He felt the familiar sliding of his ears, the retraction of his claws and fangs, the weakening of his youkai strength (what little was left). An almost blissful numbness set over his body.

How ironic.

He never would have thought that his humanity would be his salvation…

Slowly he closed his eyes and allowed the darkness to overcome him. A voice called to him, familiar yet distant. It wasn't enough to convince him. The darkness was far too welcoming, the light in the distance far too close to walk away from.

Finally…

He would see her again.

---

Sesshoumaru was beyond confused to find his brother's ears not in their rightful place on top of his head. Then, he watched in fascination as his hair turned midnight black, his clawed fingers turning into the dull digits of a human.

He had never seen his brother change before.

He had always hidden it, ashamed of the fact that he would become so weak once a month. He had hidden it from him, especially. This he knew. He never had wanted to be weak in front of him, Sesshoumaru.

Worry fell over Sesshoumaru's features as he felt his brother's body begin to loosen, his arms and head slacken as if in sleep.

It could not be.

Not when he was about to say…

Not when he would finally tell him…

“Inuyasha,” he whispered.

He shook him, attempting to get a response.

There was none.

Holding him closer, he whispered into the midnight black hair of his now human brother, “Inuyasha, I'm sorry.”

Again Inuyasha did not respond. Of course he did not expect one. His brother's heart had already ceased its beating.

He wanted a response, he wanted to see his brother's blazing eyes sneering at his pitiful apology. He wanted his anger.

He wanted his brother back.

But, for once, he would not be so selfish. Inuyasha had wanted death, wanted to be reunited with his mate.

He would not take another precious thing from his brother.

Slowly, he lifted his brother's body onto his shoulder and followed the well-worn path back to the human village.

If the Kitsune and the Exterminator's attitudes were any indication about what they felt for the hanyou, then they would want his body, to cry over, to prepare, to bury.

He had no right.

He may have been his brother by blood.

But they were his family by love.

---

Darkness.

Blissful numbing of pain.

Here there were no worries, no fears, no heartbreak.

Heartbreak?

The Darkness began to close in on him, suffocating him…

What would he be heartbroken about?

A face.

Dark, silken hair.

A gentle smile.

Kagome…

---

They had pumped her stomach and bound her wrists, yet her heartbeat was erratic and breathing shallow.

The nurses feared they had not gotten to her in time.

At the moment she was in a deep coma.

Mrs. Higurashi turned careworn eyes to the smiling faces on the hospital wall. She had feared that if she had told her daughter about her pregnancy it would have made her worse.

Who knew how she would have reacted?

It could have thrown her further into the abyss of her depression, reminding her once again of what she had lost.

She hadn't wanted to chance it.

How stupid could she have been!?

She clutched her fists, burying her long nails in her flesh. She had seen the look in her daughter's eyes. That need to know, that hope.

What else would have made her call the nurses?

She had taken the pills.

She had slit her wrists.

She had wanted to die.

And yet she hadn't allowed herself to, just on the off chance that she had been pregnant.

Tears began to well up in the older woman's eyes. She had known heartbreak in her life, she had known the death of a lover.

She should have known that a child would have been her daughter's salvation…

She should have…

Her thoughts were broken by the sound of a gently opened door.

It was the doctor, and his face looked grim.

“Mrs. Higurashi, I'm sorry…”

He never got past his first sentence.

That one sentence sent her falling to the ground, unconscious.

Finding refuge in temporary darkness, where life's pains could not reach.

---

Kagome was floating.

She had never felt so free. Here there were no emotions, her mind was blissfully blank.

How long had she been here?

Seconds? Hours? Weeks? Years?

Did it even matter?

She continued to float on, but a nagging emotion pricked her mind, chasing away the numbing bliss.

It hit her in a flurry of understanding…

Inuyasha.

As soon as his name escaped her lips, an image of him appeared before her. His long silver hair floating around his face, a halo of unearthly beauty. She reached towards him, knowing that if she could just touch him, everything in the world would be right.

---

Miroku was pacing. He did not like what was happening just outside of the village. Thay had spent far too much time trying to keep Inuyasha alive to just let his damn brother kill him!! What was he thinking? Why had he left him there? He should have stayed and fought. He should have placed himself between them, defended the hanyou with his body.

Even as his thoughts berated him, he knew that he could have done nothing. Inuyasha, no matter his mental state, was still his leader, his dearest friend, and he did not want him there. He had ordered him away and he could not disobey.

It may sound odd for a human to obey a youkai. To call him leader. But that was what he was. The night they had defeated Naraku, Inuyasha had explained to him, to everyone, that they were his pack and that he was their leader. Strangely, they had not fought that arrangement. They had all accepted it as though they had already known. So it came down to this:

Inuyasha was his leader, and he could not defy him in any way…

The rustling of the doormat brought Miroku's attention to the entrance. A tall figure loomed in the doorway, blocking out the vision of the dark night.

Sesshoumaru.

Confusion raced through his mind. Why would Sesshoumaru come here? He detested humans, and even more he detested human villages, where the `stench' of them was the strongest.

What could have…

Miroku's heart stilled.

There, held over the tall youkai's shoulder was the limp form of Inuyasha. He had not seen him at first because of the darkness within the hut, but the firelight had jumped up at that one moment to highlight the red of his hoari.

Miroku backed up, allowing the youkai entrance. Gracefully, Sesshoumaru glided into the room. Slowly, gently, almost lovingly, Sesshoumaru set the still form onto the hut floor by the fire.

Miroku's gut clenched at the image. Inuyasha was human. Where he looked sickly as a hanyou, his skin hung even more off his thin frame as a human. He looked emaciated. As he studied his friend, one detail disturbed him.

His chest was not rising with breath. He wasn't breathing!! Quickly, he ran up to him to see if he was just imagining…and if not, to see if he could do something…anything!! He couldn't just stand by, not this time. Franticly, he blew his own life's breath into Inuyasha, beating his chest to restart his stilled heart.

Nothing happened.

Inuyasha, that overbearing, emotionally constipated, sticks his foot in his mouth, best friend…was gone.

----

There she was. Kagome. His heart. His life. His mate.

She looked as beautiful as the day they first met. Cheeks flushed, eyes sparkling. She was what he had been missing.

Her arm was outstretched, trying desperately to reach him.

Tentatively, fearing that she would merely be an apparition, another dream, he lifted his own hand. Amazingly, he found warm flesh as he grasped her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers.

Complete.

He was complete.

They remained like that for all eternity or for just a few seconds. In this darkness time did not matter, seconds or decades could pass without notice.

They would have remained like that if not for a soft thumping sound which caught their attention.

Thump.

They stared at each other, confused beyond reasoning. Both searched the darkness with their eyes, hoping to find the source.

But nothing remained outside themselves. They were the only beings in this strange plane.

Then that meant…

Inuyasha stared at Kagome, focusing on her ethereal body.

Slowly, he floated closer to her, straining his ears to find the source of the steady beat.

Blushing slightly, he leaned his head on Kagome's chest, as her bewildered expression stared down at him.

A steady beat.

Thump.

Not his heart, that he knew had already stopped.

Straining his ears, he realized it was not Kagome's heart either.

Though…

Thump.

He dragged his head down further, centering his attention on her abdomen.

There.

Thump Thump.

Two beats?

Two beats within Kagome's abdomen.

What could it mean?

----

Kagome remained confused as Inuyasha pressed his head against her abdomen, as if the sound was coming from within herself.

That was absurd. Why would any sound come from within her dead body, not even that, her spirit form?

It sounded like heartbeats.

But she was dead…

Oh God

--Flashback—

Am I pregnant?

Yes

--end—

Heartbeats. Little heartbeats within her abdomen, her womb.

Her child, children?, still lived.

Inuyasha looked up into her shocked face, having felt her tense. His eyes were questioning her. Begging her to explain.

Tears began slipping down her face. She had to tell him…

“Inuyasha…

Oh god.

Inuyasha! I'm pregnant!!”

By this time, tears were gushing down her face as she grasped onto his strong shoulders, holding onto him as if by that singular action he could explain what it all meant.

---

Inuyasha was stunned.

His first thought held unimaginable joy: He was going to be a father!!!

But then reality hit. They were dead. What the hell? How fucked up was that?

Fate really had it out for them, didn't it? Why couldn't he just have happiness without it being overtaken by overwhelming sorrow in the next instant.

But why could they hear the heartbeats? Why were the children alive, if they were dead? What did it all mean.

Staring at the darkness surrounding them, he searched for answers.

Where were they anyway? It couldn't be hell, there was no suffering here, no pain. He had all he needed: Kagome. But, it could not be heaven either, for in heaven he was sure he would be able to meet his mother…and perhaps even his father.

Perhaps, they were in some sort of limbo, a region between life and death, heaven and hell.

Perhaps, one of them was not supposed to stay dead…

Understanding lit his golden eyes. Slowly, he pulled away from Kagome, making eye contact with her, fear-stricken and confused.

Slowly, he raised his hand, brushing away the strands of hair that had fallen into her eyes. She leaned into his soft touch, reveling in the feeling.

“Kagome, you have to go back.”

---

Startled, she jerked her head away from his caress. Did he not want her with him? Why did he want her to go away? No!! She wouldn't leave him!

“NO!”

It was his turn to be startled. He stared at her with such stricken eyes, that she immediately regretted her vehement answer.

“I can't Inuyasha, I can't leave you. Not again. Not again…”

Tears began forming in her eyes.

“You don't know what I went through…when I couldn't get back to you. I lost it. Completely. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. Nothing mattered. Don't you understand? Life has no meaning without you in it!! There's no reason for me to go back. None…”

She was glaring at him as tears streamed down her face. Daring him to give her a reason…

---

Inuyasha's heart broke to hear her pain, to know she had gone through the same suffering that he had.

But he did have a reason. A reason far greater than their own pain.

Slowly, he grasped her fisted hand, directing it to the center of her abdomen.

“There's your reason, Kagome. There's your reason to live. Do you understand? We've started something, created life. What right to we have to end it?”

---

Staring off into the distance as the gentle thump resounded in the nerves of her fingertips, she knew he was right.

She had known all along.

Hadn't her possible pregnancy been the reason she had called the nurses in the first place?

She turned her eyes back to Inuyasha's.

Quietly she sighed.

“You're right…”

Suddenly a thought filtered through her mind. Pictures of friends and family. A world five hundred years in the past.

She knew she had to go back…

“But Inuyasha, you have to go back too.”

His eyes showed his surprise, wanting to know what reason he had to go back, to live.

Looking at him, understanding his reluctance, she explained.

“You have to go back because they need you. Sango, Miroku, Kaede. Shippou…”

Her eyes softened.

“Inuyasha, Shippou needs you. He needs a father. He already lost one, don't make him be orphaned twice. Please…”

---

Inuyasha's eyes widened as he remembered the little fox kit. He had stayed by him so faithfully in his pain. Always there, day or night, feeding him, protecting him.

Inuyasha knew. He couldn't leave the kit alone. Like Kagome, he had his own responsibility.

Looking back at her, he nodded his head in acceptance.

“I will live for you Kagome. And I will live for them, for him….”

She began to smile wide.

“But only until he is grown. It takes a demon thirty years to reach maturity. Shippou's already eight. Twenty-two years, Kagome. Twenty-two long years. That's all I can give.”

Sobering, but not protesting, Kagome nodded her head.

---

“Then I will give you twenty-two years in return.”

Kagome knew that Inuyasha had aged at the same rate as a human. That meant her child would be twenty-one, legal maturity when the twenty-two years were up. They would have both completed their mission. And then…they would be able to be with each other again, for all eternity.

As she gave her final resolution, the darkness around them began to lighten, bringing strange sounds and familiar smells.

Confused by the sudden change, she did not realize that Inuyasha was beginning to fade…

She turned her head back to see his form become hazy. Desperately she pulled him closer, holding him, hoping against all rational thought that she could bring him with her.

Knowing it to be impossible, she loosened her grip enough to give him one last passionate kiss, feeling his form dissolve from beneath her grasp.

Thinking he had totally disappeared, she almost missed the wind-like whispering of his voice.

I love you, mate

Tears forming again in her eyes, she screamed into the lightening darkness.

“INUYASHA!”

There was no reply.

---

Sesshoumaru watched in bitter fascination as the monk cried over the body of his now deceased brother.

Emotions that should have been his own were displayed clearly on the man's distraught face.

Clearly, the monk had cared greatly for the hanyou.

Standing in the shadows, he watched as the monk's muffled sobs and desperate attempts to revive him awoke the rest of Inuyasha's companions.

First the old Miko.

Her face held little surprise at the sight of Inuyasha's prone form. Yet her eyes held great sorrow, perhaps even regret.

Next came the exterminator with her faithful firecat in tow. They watched the scene in shocked surprise then quiet acceptance.

The cat mewed in mourning while the slayer remained tense, curling her fingers, digging into the soft flesh of her palms.

He watched in fascination as the blood ran between her fingers to pool on the hut's dirt floor.

She was angry. Furious even. But at what he could not guess.

Then came the kitsune.

Sesshoumaru had actually been aware of the little youkai from the moment he stepped into the hut. The kit had awoken at his entrance. Sesshoumaru could tell by the quickening of his pulse. But he had not come out. Perhaps he was afraid…

Slowly, he walked to the still form of Inuyasha. His face held disbelief as he stared at the emaciated body, still standing several feet away. Suddenly, he lurched forward, sprinting to Inuyasha's side. Once there he burrowed into the red hoari, desperately clinging to him as if he was still alive, merely asleep.

Watching that heart-wrenching scene seemed to snap everyone out of their stupor.

It was Sango, the slayer who spoke first, her voice laced with barely concealed rage.

“WHY?!!”

Sesshoumaru was sure she was going to turn on him and attack.

To his surprise, she aimed her anger not at himself, but at his dead brother.

“What the hell were you thinking?! You BASTARD! Didn't you ever think that we may need you? Didn't you ever think that we were hurting too? Why did you have to hold all the sorrow, carry everything? What right did you have to create your own punishment? What RIGHT…(by this time her voice had quieted to an exhausted whisper) did you have to let yourself die?”

Her rage had torn a path through the room's atmosphere, allowing for all the emotions to come forth.

The miko began to cry, and the kit was blubbering in Inuyasha's hoari as the firecat tried desperately to comfort him.

The monk, however, had become suspiciously quiet.

“Bring him back.” It was a whispered request, but as his eyes turned to stare into Sesshoumaru's own, he knew that there was heated emotion behind it.

Sesshoumaru did nothing.

Slowly, with a grace and calm that he did not know humans could possess, the monk stood up and began to stalk him.

It was a predator's gleam in the man's eyes, shining with barely suppressed rage.

This time when he spoke, it was louder, but still calm, still commanding.

“Bring him back, Sesshoumaru.”

Every live creature in the room focused on the two mentally warring individuals. Miroku was soon just a foot away from Sesshoumaru, and still the monk stood his ground without wavering.

Sesshoumaru looked at the man in front of him, again wondering at the loyalty and friendship Inuyasha had formed with these misfits.

But still, he could not give in. No matter how much he wanted to take tenseiga and bring Inuyasha back. No matter how much he wanted to hug his brother. No matter how much he wanted to talk to him, tell him….tell him that he was sorry. He could not.

Just this once, he would not be selfish…self-serving. He would, for just this once, think of his brother's needs, desires, before his own.

“I will not.”

That simple statement had the entire room go into a frenzy. The monk cursed tightening his hold on his staff, the taijiya grabbed her strange weapon calling the firecat to her side, the miko tottered towards her arrows.

Only the Kitsune remained non-threatening as he slowly came out of the hanyou's clothing.

His large green eyes stared up at Sesshoumaru's own, questioning his decision in amidst the flurry of the activity.

Yet again, that single question came up. Such a small word that held so much meaning.

“Why?”

The kitsune's question was softly said, and yet as soon as it was voiced, all motion stopped in the small room.

Inuyasha's friends turned to stare at Sesshoumaru, their shoulder's tense for a fight, but their ears open for an explanation.

Sesshoumaru, stared into the distance, trying to piece together his thoughts. Eventually, the complete answer came to him.

“Because he chose numbing bliss over eternal pain.

He chose death over life.

And thus he chose his own path

If I were to intervene, bring him back to this miserable existence, then I would have taken away his right to make his own choices. And then what would he have left?

A broken family

A broken body

A broken mind

A broken soul.

For once allow Inuyasha to rule his own life.”

Stunned silence met his answer. As he stared each occupant down, daring them to question his reasoning, his gaze only met shameful, turned faces. His point having been made, he turned towards the prone form of his deceased brother, preparing to give his final farewell.

“Damn ::cough:: Right, I rule my ::wheeze:: own life.”

Total silence encompassed the room.

Now, there have been few times when Sesshoumaru has shown actual emotion. A lone tear here, a quirking of the lips there. That was the extent of his emotional outbursts.

That is why the heavens must have stopped to gaze down at him, when this Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands, Son of the Great Inutai, Brother to the Hanyou Inuyasha…

…fell to his knees…

…hung his head…

And laughed his ass off.

---

Having regained consciousness and been checked out by a doctor who gave her a clean bill of health, Mrs. Higurashi was then led by a solemn looking nurse to her daughter's bedside.

There, tucked beneath the white hospital sheets, lay Kagome, still, as if in sleep. Her beautiful raven locks were spread out on her pillow in a dark halo. Her lips were quirked in a small smile.

As the nurse quietly left the room, Mrs. Higurashi nearly collapsed again with the weight of the situation, the unreality of the moment.

Her beautiful baby girl, Kagome, her light, her little confidante, was dead.

In that moment, she watched her daughter's life flash before her. Gurgling at her breast, chasing butterflies in an open field, taking part in the shrine festival…coming back from the well that first time.

She kept on telling herself that she should have stopped Kagome from going back, she should have made her stay!!

But, she also knew it would have done little good. She knew…

She knew Kagome had fallen in love with that dog-eared boy the moment she saw him pinned to the Goshinboku. She knew, because Kagome had told her in one of their many midnight girl talk sessions.

It seems those two were fated to be…

But surely not like this!!

Not in death.

Unknowingly, tears began to fall from her eyes. Two tears became a flood as her grief suddenly overcame her. Unable to stand any longer, Mrs. Higurashi collapsed to the floor, leaning over her daughter's body.

Falling apart in a way she had never done, even at the death of her husband, she clung to Kagome's body, asking the deities to take her life instead, to give back her daughter who deserved to live for far longer than she did.

She was so lost in her own grief-filled world, that she almost didn't here the small, strained voice that comforted her in her misery.

“Don't cry Mama.”

Thinking it merely her imagination, Mrs. Higurashi shook her head and quietly replied, “How can I not?”

Feeling a slight hand stroke her wet face, clearing the tear tracts away, Mrs. Higurashi turned in the direction of her daughter's face just in time to see her speak her soft reply.

“Because, Mama, there is nothing to cry about.”

----

Thanks to everyone who reviewed.

Special thanks goes to Sutlesarcasm. She actually went as far to e-mail me and told me to continue. So, everybody should give a round of applause to the girl who kicked this author off of her ass.

FYI: There should only be one more chapter. I actually only meant this to be a two parter, but obviously it turned out to be a bit longer.

I hope everyone enjoys!! …and please review, you don't know how much it means to an author to get feedback!

Luvs,

Eartha