InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ If You Are Not The One ❯ Don�t Know How to Let Go ( Chapter 15 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

IF YOU ARE NOT THE ONE

Chapter Fifteen: Don't Know How to Let Go

SLIGHT LEMON CONTANT IN THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER

You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together, I've lick my wounds but I can't ever see them getting better, something's gotta change, things cannot stay the same.

Her hair was pressed against her face; her eyes were red with anger, enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior, something's gotta change, it must be rearranged, oh.

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember, the way it feels to be alive, the day that he first met her, something's gotta change, things cannot stay the same.

-Maroon 5's Goodnight Goodnight-

Sango was still blown away with all the trouble Miroku had gone through just to make their date sort of special; wondering whether he was like this with any other of his dates. It was kind of hard to believe Miroku had not gotten help from Inuyasha or Sesshomaru in any financial matter. Needless to say, everything had exceeded her greatest expectations.

For the first part of their date, they had gone to one of the most beautiful five star Mediterranean restaurants in Japan. Some people have to wait months in order to make a single reservation and actually get to visit this place and try its exquisite cuisines. Every part of it had its touch of elegance. Their was a magnificent bar area that played host to cocktails on plush sofas, a comfy fireplace and an ebony baby grand while the white linens of the dining room cater to power lunches, romantic dinners and many occasions in between.

They, however, had gotten a private table away from most people on the top floor next to a large window with a fantastic view of the city at night. They ate, talked about memories of the past and were even offered to be played a song on a violin to therefore romance the mood.

Afterwards, Miroku had taken her dancing and now here they were, at the beach, leisurely walking barefoot while Sango held on firmly to his right arm in the middle of the night. They were a far away distance from the boardwalk, hoping to get to the distanced fares wheal that was currently glimmering with lights of all colors. The high school memories it brought back were overwhelming and she had at first been hesitant about going back, but Miroku had mentioned something to her about having a surprise for her once they would get there. If there was someone who could not resists surprises, Sango was your gal. And if Miroku's calculations were right she was presently in a mood to jump with excitement, thus she allowed him to engulf her similar to a kid-like adult in his little trip back to the past.

Peaceful, whereas listening vigilantly while he whistled his favorite tune, she noticed it was the very song they both loved when teenagers in high school and she had once believed him more than a friend. At this thought, she squirmed in his arms and he noticed, registering the fact in his mind; eying her from the corner of his eyes every now and then. Meanwhile he continued making music with a shrill sound by forcing the breath through the gap between his lips.

Everything was perfect, Miroku had not once tried to grope or say anything stupid which was quiet surprising, making Sango wonder what else could he do like a normal human being. She held on to her heels with her other hand and Miroku held on to his shoes with his left hand, both enjoying each other's company. Never before having had a moment such as this one, Sango was now starting to regret less the fact that he had tricked her into coming out with him tonight. Not knowing she would have a wonderful time. His company was pleasant and she felt at all ease, more than what she usually felt with her actual boyfriend Hinten; and at that little fact, she was sort of frightened to say the least.

Anyhow, she sighed as she held on to his arm, unable to help herself from comparing Miroku's romantic side to Hinten's. “Are we almost there?” She questioned him and he smiled as she looked at him impatiently, still quite enthusiastic like Shippo whenever someone offered him sweets.

“Almost there San, it's just a little ahead.” Miroku had promised her that the best part of the date would end up at the beach and he could tell she was anxious for anything he had planned for her. Tonight he had enjoyed himself as much as she had and possibly even more. He was keen also, hoping she would think about him more often after their date was over. He was determined of showing her he cared about her more than that pretty boy Hinten did, and he was willing of offering her much more of himself than ever before.

His numerous thoughts were disturbed, when he felt her shivering slightly, the spring breeze of early June wanting to bring discomfort among them. It truly wasn't that bad, sure it was a dark night like any other and it was rather chillier than usual but as they walked slowly, the waves crashed with their feet as the tide rushed in to the sea and out again. The water wasn't too cold but perfect for the occasion. After feeling her arm shiver against his yet again, he stopped walking and she gave him a questioning look, which he choose to pay no mind to. But instead, he took off his suit jacket and placed it over her shoulders, while she smiled thankful and together they continued to walk along the beach at dark.

After five minutes or so, they didn't talk until Sango's incapability of rational thought got the best of her. “So where exactly do you think Yash could be right about now? I'm sort of worried about him you know…” Sango feared Friday nights knowing their boss would most likely be doing something he would think twice of when sober.

“Sango relax; don't even worry about him so much, he's a grown ass man incase you haven't noticed.” Miroku tried to assure her, the sound of the waves and the seagulls in the air above them was something that could not relax anyone when it came of thinking what exactly Inuyasha was up to right about this instant.

“Yeah but he sure as hell doesn't act like one.” She argued and he nodded knowing well she was right.

Without having to look at her big convincing maroon eyes, he gave in like he always did whenever anything had to do with Sango. “Well if it'll make you happy my dear Sango I'll tell you exactly where he could be at…let's see, he could as of this moment be in two places: either at Totosai's bar or Yura's place.” He knew Sango hated Yura and he let out a little laugh when he heard her sigh again but this time genuinely.

“Her again?” She couldn't help but ask. “I thought he had stopped messing around with that bitch a along time ago.” Miroku shook his head knowing well Inuyasha had not stopped seeing her in over two years now.

“You know perfectly well how he is.”

“Stubborn as a jackass.” She nodded and said, agreeing with him.

“Precisely; trust me, I've tried talking him out of going to her but he doesn't listen to me. Look San, we might as well let him continue what he's doing if it's what really makes him happy.” Sango raised a brow and looked over at him skeptically as they continued to stroll along the beach.

“How the hell could you think that makes him happy?” Sango inquired while narrowing her eyes defensively, running to Inuyasha's aid. She knew well Inuyasha was a rebound and he was still hung over Kikyou.

“Well she does have a big ass—”He began to say but Sango quickly cut him off ready to stomp on his foot if he continued talking nonsense.

“Miroku! Change of subject now!” She glared at him and he smiled nervously and hesitantly.

“Alright, alright I'll stop. So…how have you and Miss Sakura been lately?” He asked innocently not wanting to enhance her anger any further.

At Miroku's question, she fidgeted with unease. Sango had come to know many things about her new friend, some things she still wasn't unsure of but still knew something was troubling her. Sakura was still a mystery to them, but nevertheless they had become quite attached to her. “Everything between us is just fine; well she also worries me at times I guess.” She admitted while glancing at the waves that crashed with some rocks up ahead.

“Oh yeah, how so?” He, on the other hand, had spent less time with Sakura and that was probably why he had never suspected anything strange about her behavior or anything else for that matter. But of course knowing that Sango had a talent of studying someone else's behavior, he believed her.

“I-I've heard her sobbing in the middle of her sleep. She worries me you know.” Sango looked over at him searching for his eyes as she said this, hoping he would have some kind of explanation. She would never tell something like this to Hinten, only to Miroku who was one of her best friends after all. Ever since she first knew him, he always had an explanation to solve all her problems.

He caught her gazing up at him. “Well stop worrying so much, maybe she just had a nightmare.” He tried his best to sound convincing, but he was also aware that her face said otherwise.

“Miroku listen to me, I'm more than positive she cries herself to sleep every night! She's our friend, how am I not to worry. I-I mean, there must be something wrong with her. I would suggest seeing a doctor but I wouldn't want her to think I'm butting in. Besides, she doesn't know I've heard her.” At least she was almost certain Sakura might have not heard her weeping; listening with her ears to her door.

“Well if something really is troubling her; why not confess to her that you've heard her and that she needs professional help.” He tried to make things seam straightforward, effortless and less to worry over but she shook her head objectively.

“How on earth can I say that without offending her?” She mentioned with anger on her tone of voice.

Unconfident himself, he shrugged and tried half-smiling at her but she couldn't bring her eyes to his. “Knowing you Sango, I'm more than positive you'll come up with something.”

“Well monk, I'm not sure if I should take that as an insult or a compliment.” She muttered, gritting her teeth bitterly at the fact that he thought of her noisy. “Miroku…please don't mention this to anyone, including Inuyasha.”

Miroku nodded, “anything for you babe.”

She tried smiling halfheartedly at him and he smiled beamingly back, humming now the same little tune. “Thanks for tonight Miroku…I have most definitely enjoyed myself.” She whispered lovingly and Miroku couldn't stop smiling at the fact that she had enjoyed his presence tonight. No matter what was to happen the next day, no one could ruin his day. Not after realizing that he actually had a chance at her side, a chance to conquer her heart.

They didn't walk a long distance before rain started to pour heavily on them, ruining their plans for the rest of the night, which caused them to decide over finally heading back home. They dropped their shoes and ran to Miroku's Toyota MR2 sports car, both drenched and laughing hysterically. Sango opened his passenger door and continued laughing but also holding her sides; her dress had stuck to her slim figure like a second skin, her hair was dripping and her mascara had smeared all over her face.

Miroku laughed with her and at her from the way she looked, but still considered her to be stunning among dripping tint. He stopped laughing for a moment to just gaze at her façade and listen to her beautiful laugh; she caught sight of him staring after realizing she was laughing by herself all along and felt stupid with countless images of herself looking repulsive. But his eyes held something that changed her mind, as he observed her closely like an open book, water droplets dripping from his chin. She, on the other hand, could not help herself from gazing from his dark blue eyes to his lips, wanting the impossible and to have the forbidden.

And after a couple minutes, he realized she never looked more beautiful; her lips almost puckered ready to be devoured and her big coffee colored orbs silently begging him to do so. Not finding the right words to say to her, he stuttered love phrases in his mind but his brain was not sending signal for his mouth to move along with it. For the first time in his life he felt vulnerable and lost, not knowing what to do with an attractive date in the passenger seat of his car. This was not in his nature, he was Houshi Miroku, and he always knew what to do with a beautiful woman in his car. Although with Sango, things were extremely different, he was powerless with or without her acknowledgement; therefore freaking the shit out of him. Without really thinking twice what he was about to say he blurted out the first few words that popped to his mind, avoiding the consequences. “Sango…what would you do if I kissed you?”

Sango blinked once or twice to register his words in her head, playing them over and over like a broken CD player. “Miro—I…” She couldn't come up with a response but didn't need to for she automatically wrapped her arms around his head, bringing her lips to his in a passionate kiss that would most certainly blow his mind. At first, he was paralyzed not knowing what to do and wondering if this was really Sango who was kissing him like if there would be no tomorrow. So, he equally returned her feelings as he opened his mouth to let her dominate, his hands gladly sneaking their way around her waist while listening to her sweet moans of utter pleasure.

After realizing what was going on, she straight away stopped the heated kiss before it got out of hand, remembering that she was currently not single. “Wait—stop—we can't do this, it's just not right.” She broke free from his grasp and he looked at her face, searching for a clearer explanation. But she looked to the ground, silently indicating him she had regretted it. He was too embarrassed to speak so he reached to the backseat grabbing a box and handing it over to her. Sango was not sure if she should take it or not, but gazed at it before actually taking it from his hand. The box was a forest green and was wrapped in dark purple ribbon that formed a neatly made bow on the top. “You didn't have to get me anything, you know.” She barely whispered loud enough for him to hear aside from the light rain as it now began drizzling outside the vehicle.

“I know…” He responded and watched as she tugged at the ribbon and took the lid off the box. Inside, there was a gorgeous kitten, which apparently was still asleep.

Gasping, mouth gaping at what her eyes were seeing, she looked over at him with wide eyes. “Miroku you perverted asshole, you got me a kitten!” She screamed and laughed, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“So I'm guessing you don't like her?” He asked like any other men would, unable to read a woman's expressions of absolute joy.

“Are you crazy? I love her, thanks Miro…” He smiled content with her reaction.

“See, I knew you'd like her.” He said and Sango nodded as she patted her on her back, watching with delighted eyes as she purred softly.

“What's her name?”

“Her name is Kirara.” At the sound of her name, Kirara opened both eyes simultaneously and looked from Sango to Miroku with big beautiful glinting eyes.

“Kirara…It's beautiful.” She breathed and held her up in the air before placing her gently on her lap.

“Just like you San, that's why as soon as I saw her, she reminded me…of you.” He saw the way she smoothly stroked Kirara's fur on her head, engraving the serene image in his mind.

Smiling, almost chuckling, Sango cheerfully looked over at him with enthusiasm. “Miroku, in a weird sort of way; that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

**********

He was exhausted of everything and everyone; he was tired of whom he was and who he pretended of being every goddamn forsaken day of his life. And no matter what he did to forget, he was fatigued of how his whole world revolved around false hopes and shredded memories that still lingered here and seized to fade away. Everything he did, he did not do it with determination and desire. Everyone he met did not matter to him, nor did the way he treated them at all. Over all, he was a guy who'd been mistaken repeatedly in the past and held no regret over his many flaws, but was overshadowed by guilt. He felt so empty inside, sure he fucked for pleasure, but what good did little pleasure matter to him if it didn't last more than a brief second and a moment of release.

He grabbed her hips, cradling them in his large rough hands; he slapped her ass around a couple times and bruised it up, holding it for dear life when he felt himself find discharge and he pounded in and out of her in an intensely rapid rhythm. In a moment of greater expectations, he frowned rather profoundly knowing it had come to an end and yet here he was walking away empty handed. Not literally, but more mentally than anything else. Instantly, he pulled out just in time to watch his fluids run over his hard member.

What good did fucking around do to him? Easy answer: he's a man with many needs that need fulfilling and this just happened to be one of them. And all men know that they need a good fuck every once in a while. Just to boost their over sized egos or to show women no mercy when they have them in bed begging for a release; therefore, to prove men have power over all other living organisms. Or you could use Inuyasha's theory: what good was a man's dick if he didn't put it in good use every now and then. But still what was the real reward in that if there was no chemistry there.

Love…what was love? He thought he felt it once, but now he was not sure if it had been none other than an obsession he was still being possessed by. Perhaps just a feeling hard to read or an attraction towards another being that remains nothing more than physical. To be frank, he himself did not know anymore. What he did know was that she had slipped away from his grasp like tiny particles of sand running through his fingers, not being able to hold on for just a second longer. And for that cause, he was selfish because he hated women for breaking his heart; he hated men alike for taking her away from his world and everything he knew.

He mourned every moment of his life, wanting with every fiver of his being for her return, at least to have one last glance at her endless pools of depths or to witness her smile that could brighten anyone's day up; tempting them to join in and bask in the enjoyment of just knowing they could breathe one more day. And every countless second, never, not once had the thoughts of what if, failed to announce their presence among his many other circling thoughts.

Inuyasha sighed trying to recollect his head in one piece, his silver hair falling around his face and his bangs covered his hazel eyes as he currently looked hard at the floor as if searching for buried answers. Eventually, he brought his attention at the woman who licked her lips as she started at him with passion in her cobalt eyes. Wait a moment, what the fuck is wrong with me? Inuyasha wondered and shook his head. For a second, he had thought he had seen her indigo eyes over another's. And just to make sure, he looked at the woman again and he immediately knew he had been mistaken, for this woman's eyes remained their everyday dark color. But her eyes were the last thing he needed to think about right at this very moment.

It angered him; this was the second time he had seen her eyes flashing in another's while fucking her brain's out. Damn, how he hated the fact she kept constantly popping out in his mind as if she had been more than just a simple one night-stand. Perhaps she had been more than that…or maybe he just needed to fuck her one more time to make sure she was nothing more than a mere fantasy.

Inuyasha pulled his pants over his hips and looked at the woman that lay all wrapped up among covers on the disorganized bed, her hair lusciously black but crazed and frizzed with sweat. Her eyes still held want over the attractive man that placed his shirt over his head to let it fall over his muscular torso. “Baby, you should stay a while longer…” Seeing how he did not respond but just stared at her unsure, made her weak and it broke her heart. “I-I've…missed you over the last couple days. And I can't wait to go back to work soon.” She confessed hoping those words would have any reaction over him, but was sadly mistaken.

Inuyasha wanted nothing more than to laugh at her face at her last words. Instead, he discretely grabbed his wallet from his pocket to reveal bunch of loose cash. Placing a couple bucks at the foot of her bed, he motionlessly looked over her slender figure in the dark before departing without saying a single goodbye. As his eyes looked towards the door knowing what he must do, he took off. There was nothing there, he looked but there was no chemistry to solve for, so he marched out of her condo, exiting the door as he took off along with his many what ifs.

What if? What if she was alive with him in at this very moment? What if together they would have had a chance at real happiness? What if they would have had a real family with a dozen little kids running around their house driving him insane but utterly happy?

And moments later the guilt came, for not making their time together a more special atmosphere worth a while. Why had he not told her he loved her more than life itself more frequently, why had he not kissed her like he had fantasized about over and over again in his head silently while he watched her fall into a deep calm sleep while the fire sizzled in their bedroom chimney? What if he could say goodbye one last time, what would he say?

And besides what had happen had in fact already marked its territory, he did not want to blame it all on himself, but to blame it over everyone else instead. His mind just screamed for an extra beer or two. So, Inuyasha got in his car, shut the door loudly and without putting on his seatbelt, he started his engine and took off. Then again beer only made him rethink than to forget, and what mostly kept clouding his mind, was the worst job he had ever had which was at being a husband and a father to his little orphan cousin, who he cared about overall but believed he deserved a better family. And although he did not want to admit it, he also but barely, thought about a certain…receptionist of his.

***********

She still longingly watched her bedroom door from the darkness, from which he exited every once and a while, specifically when he felt lonelier than usual. Yura continued to stare, waiting for the miracle and that he would return through that door to spend at least the rest of the night with her. She noticed that when he stared at her today like many other days; she felt him searching for something or someone, and this saddened her. It made her dreams of actually being with him crash and burn. And she asked herself, why she still continued to torture him and herself in the process.

Not wanting to tear her eyes from the door, she gazed at the money he had left at the foot of her bed like every time before whenever he would leave. At first when his wife had died and she knew he needed a woman by his side, to at least remain as his fuck-buddy, Yura had flung herself at the first opportunity she could to have him on her bed.

Her ambition back then, was to erase his wife from his head and heart, a task she had wanted to accomplish just for money no matter how long it took. Planning to be the next Mrs. Takahashi, but her goal had started to fade when she realized she wasn't getting anywhere, and that the more she let him use her body as his instrument of lust, the less she wanted him for selfish reasons like money. And at some point between an orgasm and many careless thoughts, she realized she cared about him till the point that she might have actually fallen for him hard without actually intending of doing so from the start.

How foolish had she been, letting him use her body like a sex-toy he could toy around with whenever he wanted. And now she deliberately allowed him to use her. Every time they had intercourse, they never spoke, not until after would they say a word or two to make the circumstances they found themselves in less awkward.

He, however, did not speak as often as she did. But would just put his clothes back on and take out his wallet to leave a couple bucks, as if saying thanks for a nice fuck. She at first had denied the money to seam less desperate to eventually have all of his fortune in her name one day. Nevertheless, he left it, regardless of her denial for it. And after a while she got tired of saying no and just accepted it knowing that was all he would ever give her. Now, it was harder for her to take it, for it reminded her how she had failed at having him wrapped around her finger and at making him actually love her back. Sometimes she would leave it there at the foot of her bed for days hoping he would return to her more often. Now she hated his money but did not have the heart to give it back to him.

Their relationship had now been hidden in the dark from the rest of the world for two miserable years. She had in the process of those two years stopped expecting nothing from him but money knowing he would never return her feelings. He never liked her and would never see her as more than just a secretary he toyed around with. Perhaps she was just as obsessed with him as he was with his dead wife that he never stopped loving. And no matter how unhealthy it got for her every time he sought her out, she continue to remain nothing more than a mere toy.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA AND CO. I REPEAT...THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME WHATSOEVER, ONLY TO THE VERY TALENTED MISS RUMIKO TAKAHASHI.

A/N: It's 2:00 AM and I couldn't go back to sleep, so here you guys go. A kind of long but worth reading chapter I know…nevertheless, I hope you've enjoyed it. Please continue reading and reviewing, and thanks to those who have taken a minute or two from their day to review and say hi. LOL I know I've taken a decade but I'll continue updating sooner for those of you who've stuck with me so far ;P…

Yours truly friend and author,

IYlover4ever.