InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ If You Only Knew ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

If You Only Knew: Chapter 5

Inuyasha held Kagome in his arms for a long while, just staring at her sleeping face. The smile had never left her lips and she was as peaceful as ever. He sighed. 'I'm going to be in big trouble when she finds out what I did.' He pulled back the covers on her bed and attempted to lay her down. Kagome whimpered, gripped his hoari, and mumbled softly, "Inuyasha. . . don't leave me." Dumbfounded at her forwardness, whether or not she was talking in her sleep, he couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. This girl had made him feel so many emotions alien to him, but out of all of them, he did know pride. Kagome wanted him there and needed him. She depended on him to keep her safe. 'I depend on her, too.' He began to protest that thought but stopped. For once he could come to grips with the reality that he did depend on her. In the fear of losing her, he had realized just how much her presence in his life meant to him. The thought of losing her frightened him more than any demon ever could. Not only did he fight better when she was there, and for what reason he still didn't understand, but he needed her in so many other ways also. She accepted him when no one, except his mother, ever had. Even when he rejected and hated himself, she still saw him in a bigger light. To Kagome, he was not a half- breed, a hanyou, or inferior, he was Inuyasha and that was it. She trusted him with her life and well being. 'She even entrusts her heart to me. Why does she? I break it so often, yet she still continues to give me everything. . . her compassion, care, kindness, and even maybe her love.' He pondered that thought for a moment. 'Is it possible that she really does love me? How could she?' Inuyasha longed for her eyes to open to prove that it was true, but he dared not to wake her. He lightly caressed her cheek with his hand. 'She's so different, so unique, from anyone I've ever known. She knows no prejudice or hate. . .' He remembered what she had said before rushing out of the hut, about hating Kouga and it disgusting her. 'Why would it bother her to hate that bastard after what he did?' He was beginning to believe he'd never fully understand her, even if they had come a long way since they first met. Inuyasha remembered what Kikyou had said when he ran into her on his way to get Kagome. 'You felt her pain just then. . . Have you really gotten that close to my reincarnation?- I have to find out what that meant. Maybe baba would know.' There was really too much flying through his head and he had to alleviate some of this confusion.

He once again attempted to place her in her own bed. As much as he'd rather hold her throughout the night, he had to talk to their friends before she was around to hear. She must have been sleeping deeply, because she didn't protest as he laid her down and drew the blankets up under her chin. He turned off the little bedside lamp and leapt out her window to the tree. Jumping down, he made his way to the well house. Night was falling and he knew if he was gone too long, the others would get stupid ideas as too his whereabouts and why. He entered the well and within seconds, a clear dusk sky appeared above him. Effortlessly, he bounded out of the pit and streaked towards Kaede's home. Upon entering the hut he could hear laughter and conversation. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. Shrugging, he pulled back the mat that served as the door.

"Good evening Inuyasha-sama!" Miroku greeted him with a wave.

"Would you like some stew?" Sango poured a serving and handed it to the hanyou.

As much as he needed to talk to some people, he couldn't turn down food. He nodded at the exterminator and greedily devoured the contents of the bowl and two others before speaking to anyone. Everybody watched him in amusement. His manners, or lacking there of, was something they all had become well accustomed to. He looked up, licking his lips, and noticed the laughing eyes staring at him. "What are you all looking at?"

Miroku cleared his throat and with a smirk he asked, "We were just wondering how Lady Kagome is doing."

Inuyasha wasn't aware, although his companions were, of the light pink tinge to his face as he snapped, "How the hell should I know?"

"Well, we just assumed. . ." Miroku tried to keep a straight face as the hanyou glowered at him from across the room. Inuyasha just couldn't look ominous with rosy cheeks. "That was where you were the past couple of hours." Sango giggled and Kaede chuckled lightly at the pure look of guilt on his face, mixed in with anger and embarrassment.

"Feh! I told you I don't want her back here, so what makes you think I'd go to her time bonehead!" He got up with a "humph" and exited the hut. Laughter followed him out the door. Making his way to his favorite tree, he tried to decide how to separate Kaede so he could talk to her alone. He watched the sun set from his perch, leaning against the tree on a high branch. The sky was every color of the rainbow. Inuyasha loathed the nights that Kagome wasn't there with him. 'And when she is here, that brat sleeps by her side. It should be me.' He hated every minute he was away from her, every second he had to sit in these branches missing her and worrying when she'd return. Most of all, he hated feeling that way about a human. Sometimes he didn't know what was worse, being weak or being alone. Inuyasha shook his head. 'What am I thinking? I don't need company! I'm fine on my own!' Sighing, he slumped his shoulders. He knew he felt better with her around.

His mind wandered as the moon started to rise in the night sky. He played back the events of the past couple of days. 'I was so scared.' He couldn't tell Kagome what he had gone through, that his heart was torn to pieces with fear for her. That he wanted to shred everyone who'd hurt her a thousand times for every tear that fell from her eyes. That he would've stabbed himself for every wound, every scratch, and every drop of blood she shed if it would take her own pain away. He couldn't forgive himself for not protecting her. That was why he had given her his own blood for healing. He felt responsible and regardless of the consequences, he just had to make it right. No amount of blood could heal the internal wounds, however. There was nothing he could do about that. 'Perhaps her mother. . . Wait, where was her family?' He realized she was alone in the house with no one to protect her. Even though her time was safer, he still couldn't trust anyone.

Inuyasha bound off to the well and into Kagome's time. Rushing out of the well house, he leapt up through her window and panicked when he saw she wasn't in her bed. 'Oh gods, where is she?' He lifted his nose in the air, trying to catch a fresh scent, but the only proof of her presence was already a few minutes old. 'Where is she?' He frantically opened her door and sped down the stairs. No lights were on in the entire house. Once he reached the kitchen, he concluded she wasn't there. 'Damn it! I leave her alone for one second and she's already in trouble!'

Inuyasha exited the house and attempted to follow her scent to wherever she might have gone off to. Down on all fours, he put his nose to the ground, and began tracking her. He met face to face with the well house door. Cursing and rubbing his forehead, he looked up to see what had caused his abrupt stop. 'What? Her scent leads to the well. I would have noticed if she had come to the feudal time.' With a growl, he headed back to his own time. Once he hit the bottom of the well, looking up at a starry night sky, he put his senses to work. Yep, there was no mistaking it, Kagome's scent was strong and fresh. 'What the hell is going on? How did I not notice her returning? I was just here!' Grumbling and cursing, he followed her path to the village. He stopped short of the hut, hearing the girl's muffled voices inside. Peering through the window, he saw Sango and Kaede looking quizzically at the spot on Kagome's side, where there should've been a wound but was now of clear of even a scratch. Inuyasha slapped himself in the head. 'Damn! I hope baba doesn't know about that demon ritual or I'm in deep shit!' He listened to their conversation.

The exterminator couldn't believe what she was hearing, yet it was coming from her young friend all the same. "You mean. . . he mixed his blood with your own to heal you?

"I guess. . . He umm. . . well, he licked the blood from the wound first." Kagome was wringing her hands in her lap while she chewed on her lower lip. Making eye contact with the two ladies was too much for her at the moment. She really hadn't planned on speaking to them before she did Inuyasha.

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Losing the warmth of Inuyasha's arms awoke Kagome, and she had opened her eyes just as the hanyou was exiting out her window. She bolted up in her bed as she remembered the events that had just taken place. Quickly lifting the towel that still adorned her torso, she traced a pattern around the area that should have had an open wound, but was barren of anything. Her face grew hot as she recalled her feelings during the ordeal. 'I need to know what he did. This is just too weird. He's acting too weird.' She hurriedly got dressed and ran downstairs. She didn't have the grace of a demon to leap out her window, so she'd have to use the back door like everyone else.

When she returned to past, she couldn't locate Inuyasha and none of their friends knew where he was. And then the questions came. Are you feeling better now? What's happened? Did Inuyasha visit you? She kicked the boys out and proceeded to try and tell Kaede and Sango what had happened without showing the amount of embarrassment she felt.

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Kaede kept quiet the entire time. She knew little of demon customs, but she did have a clue as to what had transpired between the two young friends. Clearing her throat, she decided it was time to give her conclusions from the story.

"Ye have no idea what he's done to you, do you child?"

"Not really. All I know is what I've told you." Kagome feared what the priestess was about to say.

Inuyasha wanted to run in there and stop the old hag from talking, but he figured Kagome needed to understand and he didn't know how to explain it to her. He just waited for the worst.

"To my knowledge, this particular ritual is one of bonding, specifically of one's soul to another, but also in a physical manner. The demon gives a part of themselves, the healing part to be exact, to the human in order to induce healing and immortality. Only to an extent, for it cannot prolong one's life, but it will keep them from dying so easily. The soul binding causes the giver to feel when the receiver is in danger or hurt." She looked at Kagome to see her reaction so far. The girl had a look of shock on her face, but did not seem to be taking the information badly. She continued. "Now most demons, or half-demons, will do this only with a human mate. This is very uncharacteristic of Inuyasha, and his motives I know not."

He waited for the explosion, to hear Kagome completely lose it and come rushing out of there, wanting his head. Then he smelled the tears. 'Of course she HAS to cry. Why can't she scream, yell, bitch, I don't care what she does except cry!'

Kaede didn't know what to make of the child in front of her. She was smiling, but her face was sad, accented by the tears slowing trickling down her cheeks.

Sango grasped her friend in a tight hug. "Kagome, I'm sorry that all this has happened to you. Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want me to split Inuyasha down the middle?"

Kagome tried to clear her thoughts, "Oh! No, I'm not upset at Inuyasha. . . I don't think. It's just. . . well, he does such a thing, and he's been acting so strange. I don't know what to expect anymore. One minute he's being a jerk, and the next he's. . . well, he's being sweet and acts like he cares." She looked utterly defeated. "I need a couple of minutes to think. Please excuse me."

Sango figured it was best for her to let everything settle in, and she really couldn't do much to help Kagome, so she let her go by herself. "Okay, Kagome-sama, but if you need me, just ask."

Kagome smiled at the exterminator and elder miko before leaving the hut. She had kept her vision at her feet, lost in thought trying to sort out what was in her head and heart, two pieces of herself that seemed to be battling. If only she knew Inuyasha was having the same problem lately. Speaking of whom, she came to an abrupt stop as she ran right into his solid form.

Looking up into his deep golden eyes, she couldn't find her voice. He helped her start the conversation. "You should watch where you're going. What if it was a demon instead of me? You'd be mincemeat by now." His attitude wasn't exactly gruff, but more like he was forcing annoyance.

Kagome dropped her head, attempting to avoid any more eye contact that made her feel so exposed. "I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind." She brushed past him, heading in the direction of the well, although she really didn't plan on going home. In the back of her mind, she knew Inuyasha was her destination, and talking to him was her agenda. However, she didn't have the courage to even look at him. Walking away was the only thing she was capable of doing, otherwise she'd end up pouring her heart out. That was the last thing she wanted, considering he'd probably throw it in her face, call her weak, and hate her even more.

Inuyasha knew he couldn't let her leave without explaining himself. 'Damn it! I needed to talk to baba before she opened her big trap!' He had no other choice. "Oi, Kagome, come back!"

She wanted to cringe, she wanted to run, but all she could do was keep walking slowly away from him. 'Don't come after me, please. I don't want to lose it.'

He couldn't believe she had kept walking like she hadn't even heard him. 'Is it that bad? Does she hate me that much?' Running up along side her, he grabbed her arm. She wouldn't even glance at him as she kept her gaze downcast. "Didn't you hear me?"

His grip wasn't very tight, but she could tell he was frustrated. Nevertheless, she needed time to herself before she faced him, as much as she'd rather get it done and over with. Kagome pulled her arm free. "Please, just leave me to myself for a little while."

He would have just hoisted her to the nearest branch, but he already felt like he was strolling on a wire too thin to carry his weight. "Fine! See if I care what the hell you do! Don't expect me to come running to your rescue if you get your dumb ass caught by a demon!"

Kagome couldn't stop the anger that rose in her throat, "I don't need you to rescue me! I can take care of myself, thank you very much!" She spun away from him, and as she did, caught the remark of bitch from under his breath. "SIT!" Inuyasha kissed the ground (as usual), and rewarded her with another 'bitch' as she stomped off into the forest.

Kagome fought back the tears. She wasn't going to cry over that jerk again. Day after day her heart breaks, but she keeps returning, begging for more. Sighing, she found herself at the well. Going home still didn't seem right at the moment. Just a little time alone is all she needed to sort her feelings out enough to face the hanyou. At once she stiffened as she felt the familiar tingle of a single Shikon shard. Turning in its direction, she caught sight of a white arm extended, and in its hand, a bow. "Kikyou?" Her realization was merely a whisper lost against the whizzing of an arrow through the air and two distinct words, "He's mine."

After a short period of cussing into the dirt, Inuyasha got up and traveled via the treetops to the God Tree. 'Bitch. I don't know why I even care what she thinks. I did what I had to do, whether she likes it or not.' His thoughts broke as a stabbing pain overtook his abdomen. Confusion wracked him as he steadied himself on the branch he currently perched on. The searing ache wouldn't stop and he was getting aggravated. "Ugh! What's going on? I didn't even do anything." A soft breeze played across his face, bringing the answer straight to his senses. 'Kikyou. . .' Then the tainted bitterness of the wind etched a hole into his heart the second he also recognized what was happening. "Kagome!" He grounded and ran full speed to the well. A little ways away, he could make out the figure of Kikyou walking towards Kagome's fallen one, another arrow in the notch of her bow.

x0x


A soft breeze played across his face, bringing the answer straight to his senses. 'Kikyou. . .' Then the tainted bitterness of the wind etched a hole into his heart the second he also recognized what was happening. "Kagome!" He grounded and ran full speed to the well. A little ways away, he could make out the figure of Kikyou walking towards Kagome's fallen one, another arrow in the notch of her bow.

x0x

Kagome felt her chest tighten painfully with each desperate breath. One arm held her up from the ground, while her other hand rested around the shaft of the arrow as she attempted to stop the blood flow. Her abdomen burned, and she gulped for air, which had been knocked out of her by the attack. She looked up at the dead miko, who was approaching her. With forced breath, she asked simply, "Why?"

Kikyou stepped before the girl who showed no fear still, even with the arrow protruding from her stomach. She reached down into Kagome's shirt and pulled out the nearly complete Shikon no Tama. "You should've stayed in your own time. You don't belong here, so I'm removing you from my way. And you won't be needing the jewel anymore." She took a shard from inside her kimono and formed the now complete Shikon no Tama.

Kagome gasped, "Where. . . where did you. . . get that shard?" It hurt to talk, but the truth hurt more. She had to have taken it from Kohaku. 'Oh, Sango!'

"I paid a visit to my sister's home. I knew the last shard resided in that brat Naraku used all that time. Your friends didn't put up much of a fight, however." Kikyou smirked at her, determined to crush her in every way. "Now that I have the complete jewel again, I will destroy it." She backed up a couple feet and readied her bow. "You never were anything more than my duplicate. A pathetic copy. How dare you think you could have Inuyasha's heart, when it belongs to me. Now die."

Inuyasha saw Kikyou draw her bow, and he took the last leap into the clearing. "Kikyou!"

The dead miko turned her attention briefly to the hanyou. "I'm making sure nothing else gets in our way, Inuyasha. It is time for you to keep your promise to me."

"No." Both Inuyasha's and Kikyou's attention turned back to Kagome. "You cannot. . . take him. . . to hell. I . . ." She forced herself to stand, taking slow deep breaths. "I will not let you. Let him go. He was given a second chance at life. . ." She looked at him and then back at Kikyou. "And at love."

Inuyasha watched Kagome stand up against Kikyou, even in her condition, and felt slight admiration in her determination. What took him aback more was the last part. 'Did she just say she loved me?'

"He belongs to me!" Kikyou let her second arrow fly, piercing Kagome in the right side of her chest, near the shoulder, throwing her back on the ground.

"KAGOME!" Inuyasha, while holding his chest as he too felt the shot, ran to her side as she was trying to stand again. "Kagome! Stop moving! You're making yourself bleed heavier." He pushed her back down, although gently. She could barely talk, but whispered, "Inu. . . Yasha. . . sorry. . . so sorry." A coughing fit hit her and he panicked. 'Shit! What am I supposed to do?' He heard the twang of the bow as another arrow came whizzing towards Kagome. Reflexively, he knocked it out the air. Turning around, he faced the assailant.

"Kikyou. Why?" He growled and his voice got louder with each word. "Why did you hurt her? She had nothing to do with this!" Inuyasha was surprised to find he could probably rip her apart at that very moment with no remorse. (Gee, didn't we have a clue?:)

Kikyou held out her hand, which contained the jewel. "Come with me now, Inuyasha. I have the jewel. We can be together now without anyone getting in our way."

Inuyasha saw the complete Shikon no Tama right there before his eyes, but his desire was not to have it. He wanted to settle this and get Kagome to Kaede before she got any worse. He glanced back at her. She was still lying on the ground, though conscious, and breathing raggedly. "I will not go with you. I no longer owe you anything. My duty to you is done. Naraku is dead."

She readied another arrow. "You dare betray me again? For my reincarnation? Then so be it. Die Inuyasha!" Kikyou drew her bow.

Inuyasha didn't have time to brace himself. She let go of the arrow, its tip glowing with the purple hue, and he watched it in seemingly slow motion. Suddenly, Kagome was in front of him and a blast of lavender surrounded them, blinding him momentarily.

Kagome saw that Kikyou now aimed to kill him. She wouldn't let her take his life, not while she was still alive. She mustered her strength to get in front of him. Where the energy came from, she had no idea, but she managed to form a protective shield that reflected the arrow. It disintegrated into the air, and a powerful beam shot out and hit Kikyou, causing her to scream out. She faded away until nothing but a kimono with earth and bones remained. Her last word was his name. One soft whisper upon his ears.

When the glow faded, Kagome collapsed into his arms and white balls of light rushed into her body. He looked before them to see the remains of the miko. 'Kikyou. Rest peacefully.' The Shikon no Tama rolled by his feet, but he didn't bother to pick it up. His attention switched back to Kagome.

"Inu. . ." She tried to keep her eyes open. It felt as if all her energy was drained from her body.

"Stupid girl. Don't talk and save your strength." He didn't know what to do, because he was afraid to move her for fear of excessive blood loss. She really shouldn't have been awake, but with his own blood flowing through her, she could hold on that much longer. Here he was, holding her in his arms again, bleeding and wounded. His heart tore to see her face contort in pain.

"I killed her. I'm. . . sorry." Kagome knew he'd be upset, even if she was protecting him.

"It doesn't matter. Shut up and stop moving for a minute." He laid her down and kneeled at her side. "I have break the shafts, but I'm leaving the rest in to try and keep you from bleeding too much." Kagome nodded, and he did as he said he would.

She could hardly feel her body anymore, so she barely flinched as he broke the two arrows. She knew she didn't have a lot of time. Kagome found her voice, though it was barely audible. "Inuyasha. Thank you."

"For what? I said stop. . ." She put her finger to his lips and smiled.

"For everything. This whole experience was the best thing to ever happen to me." She shifted so she could sit up. "Find happiness Inuyasha. You deserve to be happy. Use the Shikon no Tama and become a full demon, or whatever is in your heart."

"Stop talking stupid! You act like you're dying or something!" He pulled her into his lap so she wouldn't have to strain to keep herself up. Inuyasha wrapped his arms around her waist and held her to his chest. 'I can't let her die.' He felt her small hands reach up around his neck. "Wha. . ."

Kagome slipped her fingers around the subduing necklace.

His hand clasped over hers. "What are you doing?"

"Taking off the necklace."

Inuyasha shook his head.

"Don't you want it off? You hate this thing."

He removed her hands from the chain. "I've kind of gotten used to it."

Kagome smiled but another coughing fit overtook her body. His arms tightened around her. She could taste the blood in her mouth, and her head was spinning. She knew she should be scared, but she wasn't as long as he was here with her. Her eyes were drifting closed, and she was losing the battle of keeping alert.

Inuyasha saw her eyes fluttering shut and it felt like a hand took hold of his heart and squeezed. "Kagome? Kagome, you have to stay awake!" He shook her lightly. "You have to hold on." He started to stand. "I have to get her back to the village.' He grabbed the jewel and started running as fast as he could.

She forced her eyes open. "Inuyasha." Tears began to fall down her face.

He saw the tears and stopped at her statement of his name. The faraway look in her eyes frightened him. He couldn't admit that she was dying. He wouldn't come to terms with it. There was no limit on how far he'd go to stop it from happening. But here she was, struggling to breathe and keep consciousness. It was tearing him apart inside. He wanted to kill Kikyou twenty times over.

She smiled at him. The worry was clear in his features, and she wished she could see him smile, just once. "Take care. . . of our friends. I should've told you. . . I never got . . . the chance. I love. . .you."

He couldn't believe his ears. She'd said she loved him! He wanted to respond, and he'd meant to, but she started convulsing. "Kagome!" He dropped to his knees with her against his chest and his arms wove tight around her. He held on to her until he felt it stop. When he looked at her face, her eyes were closed and her breathing had stopped. Inuyasha crushed her back against him and let out a soul-chilling howl. It didn't matter who saw, nor did he care about being weak. He let tears that hadn't been shed since he was a young pup fall.

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(a/n) THIS IS NOT THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A cliffhanger, but not the end, I promise! R&R! By the way, if I could get more reviews that would be cool. They've gotten fewer as the chapters went on. I really tried not to bore you guys! Poor Inuyasha! I feel so bad, but I will make him smile! If only one time, it will happen!