InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ In a Blue Moon (Mpreg version) ❯ Sanguine Moon ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter 3 – Sanguine Moon

Blood.

Kill. Die. Die, Inuyasha! Claws, sinking into flesh – smell of blood. His blood. Die! For Him, for me, die! Pay!

No, not his blood. Human. Young. A child.

Rin.

I am killing Rin. No. Stop. What…?

Headache… Everything is red. A deep growl, full of bloodlust. Senses overloaded… blood. Blood everywhere. Smell it. Die! Kill Inuyasha! I… must… kill… Inuyasha! He must die!

No! It is not Inuyasha. It is Rin. Release the claws… force them to release. So hard… Headache. I cannot think. Can do nothing but act… Release. Now. I will not kill Rin. It is so hard to think. There is a red haze over everything, and my head hurts so very much… But I will not kill Rin… I will not kill this child in my care…

I force my claws from her flesh, backing away. Take a deep breath. The red begins to dissipate; I can actually feel my eyes turning gold once more. The headache slowly disappears. The smell of blood is still strong, but it does not force me to want to kill. There is blood on my claws…

I look at Rin. She is looking at me with wide eyes – she is nearly crying. Rin does not cry. I cannot believe what I have done.

“Sessho-maru-sama…?” she asks quietly, a quiver in her voice. I have never been violent toward her before. She has seen me kill, has seen how I treat Jaken, but I have never hurt her… until now.

“Me- m’lord?” Jaken asks, his voice matching hers. I have frightened them both very badly.

“I… am sorry, Rin,” I say. I slowly stand up, unobtrusively inspecting the girl, trying to determine how badly I have harmed her. To my bottomless relief, she is not badly hurt – my claws were at her throat, but the injuries are superficial. There is not even that much blood. “Jaken, tend to her wounds.”

“Y-yes, m’lord…” He scampers away to fetch water to clean them, with a lingering backward glance over his shoulder that he thinks I do not notice.

There is thunder, lightning, wind... I am doing this too? Yes. I calm the storm, unobtrusively, and sit far away from her. I should never have done that. I should never have harmed Rin. I am not protecting her when I pose a danger to her myself. I am unfit.

It was a dream. I was dreaming of killing Inuyasha and I attacked her in my sleep. I could very easily have killed her, and Jaken, and awoken in the morning to discover my crime only after it was far too late. I cannot possibly remain near them in my present state – I know it may very well happen again, and I may not be able to stop myself. I chose to live because I did not wish to leave them unprotected – yet who will protect them from me?

“Sessho-maru-sama, what happened?” She comes a little nearer to me, still wary. I do not know what is going through her mind, but I am sure it is not the truth. Perhaps she is wondering if she has done something wrong. I doubt that there is very much she could do wrong which would incite me to attack her so.

“It was not intentional, Rin,” I tell her. She just looks at me with her wide eyes, holding a hand to her throat to stop the sluggish bleeding. “I was dreaming.” The explanation sounds weak even to my own ears. I nearly killed her, and my only excuse is that ‘I was dreaming’? It is no excuse.

Jaken returns before she can ask me to elaborate or explain. She sits patiently still through his ministrations; he is unaccustomedly silent as he works. He is still wary, perhaps frightened, of me. Good. He should be. It could as easily have been him that I attacked, and I do not know if I would have, or could have, stopped upon smelling demon blood, weak demon though it be.

I stay to see that she is properly cared for, though I do not doubt him overly much. No one says a word as he works, and the night is once more returned to its natural silence, the full moon hanging redly above us. I should never have slept this night. I should have sat awake and thought, for at least then I would not have put the two of them in danger. I could not have known, but I should have sensed something, some warning of what I would do in the near future.

I stand as I see that he is finishing. “Jaken, look after Rin. If I have not returned within two days, you must find somewhere safe to stay. If I have not found you within a week, you must assume that I will not be coming back, and find another to protect you both. Perhaps Rin should return to her own kind; she will be safer among humans.” I realize I am already speaking as though I do not plan to return. At this moment, I do not know if I shall. I think perhaps it would be better if I did not.

“Where are you going, m’lord?” He sounds anxious. I understand why. We are not in friendly country here, and perhaps even leaving them alone for two days here is a mistake. Less a mistake than my remaining with them would be, however.

“I do not know.” I say this because I do not know where Inuyasha is, but I know what I am leaving to do. I am going to kill Inuyasha, as I should have done on so many occasions in the past. Then I will not be a danger to those in my care. I will not have dreams of killing him that cause me to attack them as I sleep, and I know that my control over myself when I am awake is enough to keep them safe from me. Killing Inuyasha is no longer merely a goal – now it is an imperative. I will kill him this time, or force him to kill me in the attempt.

Not another word is spoken as I walk away. I know not what they are feeling. Confusion is part of it, I do not doubt. They do not understand what has happened. I cannot explain it; I can only try to fix it.

- - - - -

My two days are past. They have already moved on to try to find a safe place to stay, until my return. It grows more unlikely that I shall return with each passing day, however. I have dreamed both times I slept, once awakening to find that I had torn an ancient tree completely down. The place where I slept looked like a battleground when I saw it the next morning, as though entire armies had fought there. I am very much a danger to them should I return.

I have also not yet found any sign of my brother or his companions. I should reach the village where they stay this day; I will find a trail to follow from there.

I find myself continually dwelling upon what I did to Rin. I do not know for sure that it will be safe for me to be near them even with Inuyasha dead; more and more I am beginning to come to the conclusion that I should never return, even if I do succeed. They do not need me; they will find another guardian, or they will not, but either way I think they would be safer without me around.

Weak. I am incredibly weak, to give in so to these emotions… My father would be ashamed of me; I already am. Still, I have no choice but to continue on my path and destroy my brother or myself, or possibly both. I can neither live nor rest in peace knowing that he is alive, with the shame of his having beaten me in such a manner. If it means my death to get away from that, so be it. I will die fighting him, then.

The village is just ahead. The next stage in my quest.

Then I smell him, downwind of me. He is already alerted to my presence then. His entourage is further away; he has separated from them and is approaching me. Very well; I will oblige him and meet him halfway.

Within minutes, I see him, a flash of white and red in the forest. He has some things to learn about camouflage, but of course I am little better. I know he sees me as well, and I suddenly want very badly to kill him. Not only to protect those I have an obligation to, but because he hurt me. He has wounded me and hurt me in ways he cannot even know, and I want my revenge, now.

Toward that end I rush him, swords ignored, claws flexed. I have very little control over what I am doing; I just want him dead. He barely turns toward me with wide eyes, taken by surprise by my attack and leaps backward, almost too slowly. How did he detect my attack? I was moving too fast for him to see…

I hear the low growl coming from my throat, dangerous and angry, such as I heard when I awoke attacking Rin. Have I lost control of myself so much that I gave myself away without realizing it?

Yes. Without stopping to think, I am almost instantly behind him, claws slashing… He dodges again, but barely. I ni