InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ In Death, Trust Me, as You Didn't in Life ❯ Saying Goodbye... is Never Easy ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 2: Saying Goodbye... is Never Easy

Kagome stared, awe in her eyes. Sesshoumaru stood before her, even more beautiful than he had been in life - there was almost a glow about him, that made his divine features look even more so... made him ethereal.

"Will you trust me?" he asked, in a deep, smooth voice.

She tilted her head for endless moments, watching eons flash in his eyes, and glanced down, unsure. Trust?

She looked back at his face, then. "I... want to, but... I," she drew a deep breath, then exhaled, "I trust you, a little. When Jaken gave me your message, I knew that you would be waiting, like you said - you do not lie, so I know I can trust your words. But," she looked away for a moment, almost ashamed that she couldn't just trust him as he asked, "I can't simply trust your actions, you, for your own sake, yet... not without the words first. Do you understand... what I mean?"

Sesshoumaru studied her in silence for several long minutes. He'd been almost sure that something similar would be her answer when he'd asked... although he was surprised, a bit, that she trusted his word as much as she did. He knew that her mistrust was his own fault - and he was going to have to work to gain her trust. He'd never had the chance to do so while still alive, and the year that had passed since his own death hadn't really been long enough to soften some of the harsher things he'd done and said to her and her companions.

But, at least there was something of him she did trust, now, and she had said yet - meaning that she was willing to learn to trust him. He could also see in her eyes a sort of regret that she didn't already - and he knew that she would come around, in time.

He had a chance to fix his mistakes with her. And that was what the journey they were about to undertake was all about, after all. He would gain that which he'd been too fool to understand he'd needed while living - at least, until it had been too late.

First things, first, then.

He held out a hand to her, and said, "Take my hand, Kagome." As she glanced down at it, an uncertain look on her face, he spoke again. "You and I have already passed the borders of the realm we were born into, and now, in this place, I cannot harm you. Here, there is no death. You have no need to fear my touch."

She studied his hand for a moment, turning his words over in her mind. It was odd to hear Sesshoumaru asking for her to touch him, and she couldn't help but comment on that fact.

"Why would you want this lowly human to touch you, Sesshoumaru, Lord of the West?"

He didn't move his hand as he met her eyes. "There is no need for formality here, Kagome. I am no longer Lord of the West - that title goes to Inuyasha, as the last living bearer of our father's blood in that realm. Here, I am not above any other, nor below, we all stand or fall on equal terms. Therefore, I am not asking a lowly human to take my hand... I am asking for an equal to do so."

Kagome's eyes widened, and after thinking about that for a moment, she nodded, and reaching out, slowly, slowly, wrapped her tiny hand in the strength of his.

Something inside the demon lord loosened at her hesitant touch, and he gently enfolded her hand with his.

It was a beginning.

"Come, then. We follow your companions." He turned and carefully pulled her with him, and she frowned up at him.

"W-what do you mean... follow them? Why? I already let go."

He shook his head gently, glancing at her, his face held an inscrutable look. "No. You let go of life in that place - but you haven't quite let go of them. We will attend your funeral. For the living, it is a chance to say goodbye to you - and for you, it is the same. You must say goodbye to them - and to that life. It is... closure. For all. Only then can we move on to other things."

Kagome was silent as she mulled that over. And the strange, yet undeniably true fact, that her hand being held by his felt... right.

Maybe it's a... beginning...?

---wWw---

Death... is only the beginning.

That thought came to her, as they followed silently behind her friends, and she took a moment to allow amusement to bubble up within her. What a time to be remembering quotes from silly american movies... The Mummy had been really good, and Sota had insisted she watch it with him one day - leaving her with a memory of a quote that had seemed trite, at the time - and now, wasn't.

Apparently, whoever had come up with that line in the movie had been smarter than she was, because those words were being proven right now as nothing more than absolute truth. I wonder what other corny movie quotes will prove to be truth masquerading as cheap entertainment as we go along... brow furrowed, that thought led directly to another, and she spoke without even stopping to consider her words.

"Sesshoumaru-sa--," she broke off as he turned his head to face her with a raised brow, "oh, sorry... it's just habit, Sesshoumaru, you said we would be 'moving on to other things', correct?" At his nod, she finished, "So then, we are on a journey? Here, in the land of the... dead? What are we looking for, if I may ask?"

He paused for a moment, in his forward motion, turned his head to face ahead again, then, tightening his hand around hers, he spoke. "Passing from the realm that you and I have come from is the end of one part of life, Kagome, but only one part of it. We now live in a different realm - it isn't a 'land of the dead'. As I stated before, there is no death here."

Kagome thought back to his words, before. "You and I have already passed the borders of the realm we were born into, and now, in this place, I cannot harm you. Here, there is no death. You have no need to fear my touch."

"Okay... but that still doesn't tell me what we're going to be doing."

"In this realm, we learn... the same as we did in our previous one. We never stop learning, Kagome - not even for a moment. You and I," here he paused again, for long seconds, "are on a journey, a journey of learning... each other." As he said this, he glanced at her and caught her startled gaze with his. "There is much to discover between us, Kagome, not just trust."

Holding his gaze, she searched his eyes for answers. "Why were you waiting for me, Sesshoumaru? Why did you choose to wait a year for this simple human girl?"

He tensed, then. She would ask that question now - when there is so much that must pass between us before I can give her that answer. With a sigh, he shook his head and turned, continuing to follow the oblivious people ahead of them.

"Are you aware, Kagome? The simplest things are always the hardest to understand. And as for why I chose to wait? That is an answer that cannot be given now. When it is time, you will know, but not before - because you must start at the beginning, before going on to the end."

At that, she snorted disdainfully and tried to tug her hand from his grasp. "Still the same old Sesshoumaru. Never answering questions - and even when you do, it's all round-about and confusing." She frowned and tugged harder on the hand he seemed disinclined to release... then stared at their joined hands as it finally occurred to her that they were holding hands... they were touching. And... feeling.

"Uh... how is that we can touch each other, and feel each other? Are we not like... spirits, or something?"

Sesshoumaru sighed again. "Onna, you say I do not answer questions - it is more that you do not listen. Have I not said that we are in a new realm, and that here, we are not dead? Why, then, if we live in a new realm, would we not be able to touch, and feel? Even for one such as I used to be, to go for eternity unable to feel or be felt would drive me to the brink of sanity."

As he said that, a thoughtful expression crossed his face. "I shudder to think what it would do to someone like you - one who craves touch - sanity would fast disappear. The thought is... frightening - even to a daiyoukai."

Kagome's eyes had begun to narrow as he spoke, thinking she was about to be insulted, but when she realized just what had happened, and what he was intimating, her jaw dropped in shock.

"Okay, that's it, I think I just did lose what little sanity I had left. Did you... did you not only make a joke, but actually admit that if you could never again touch or be touched, that you would be upset?"

Another tug on her hand, this one a little harder, and she stumbled forward towards him. "Yes, Kagome. I do believe you are correct - on both counts... you actually listened this time."

Sesshoumaru flicked a quick glance at her from the corner of his eye, and almost chuckled aloud. It is not hard to keep her off-balance when it comes to this Sesshoumaru, obviously. I think I have stunned her... I wonder how long her shock will last?

Kagome was silent for a long time, after that, and she turned her attention to what her friends were doing. It was hard to watch - they were obviously grieving, and she frowned, wishing that she could have found a way to keep them from that pain. A part of her heart twisted, then, watching Inuyasha carry her remains... the part of her heart that would always belong to him as her first love - even if it had been unrequited.

First love, she mused. It doesn't look like I'll get the chance to find true love.

Then something, she couldn't say what, made her take a glance at the profile of the stoic daiyoukai that had... waited for her. Maybe... maybe there is still hope...

"Sesshoumaru? Are there... others here in this, umm, realm? Or are we... alone?"

"Were we the only two beings in our former realm?"

"No."

"Then why would we be so in this one?"

"Oh. I guess that was kinda a silly question, then, wasn't it?"

"Hn."

Looking back towards Inuyasha, she sighed, once again sinking into melancholy thoughts. It looked like Sesshoumaru had been correct - she'd let go of her life - but not her friends, so she supposed she really did need to attend her own funeral, and she probably shouldn't be late, either. Jeez... who'd have thought that some stupid joke from the land of the living would actually not only end up happening, but make sense, as well?

I have the funny feeling that this new 'realm', as he calls it, is gonna take some getting used to.

Sesshoumaru knew that she had become lost in her thoughts, and kept a firm grip on her hand. It was ironic to him that the first time he should know the touch of her skin... was after they had both died. And who's fault is that, but my own? I was far too proud in life - too arrogant to treat her as the equal she has always been. Even now, I still am somewhat proud... only not as much as before. I hope that she will begin to see this change in me - I think that for her, being treated as an equal is the first step needed to even have a chance of claiming her trust - in the way that I need to.

---wWw---

He looked up, then, and gently tugged her closer. "We reach the Goshinboku, Kagome."

"Huh?" She looked up at him, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "Oh! Already?" She glanced around. "They walked all night," she whispered. "I didn't even notice."

He caught the guilty tone of her voice, and shook his head sternly at her. "Do not feel guilty. This is a minor thing to do for a person that died for their sakes - and they do not begrudge it. Look at their faces, Kagome. You must let go of all of your ties to them, now - including any guilt."

Tugging her forward, he moved to hop up onto some of the roots surrounding the great tree, and sat down on one, pulling her down with him.

"They begin to dig your old body's resting place... it will not be long. Prepare yourself, Kagome. Come to the realization that their fates no longer cross yours - they are their own, now. Only then, can you let go - as you must."

He nodded down at the slowly developing hole in the ground. "You must leave all ties to the past, there, in that resting place. That is what a grave is to one who has passed from that realm - for one of the so-called 'dead'."

Kagome looked up at him, then back down at the grave they were digging, and sighed. It was a bittersweet sigh, and she watched every movement, listened to every word, every cry that came from her friends, and wrapped it all deep in her heart... knowing that she would not share any moments with them ever again - at least, not in that realm.

It was much harder than she'd thought it would be, and tears began to streak her face.

"I don't know if I can, Sesshoumaru..." she trailed off, sorrow evident in her voice.

Sesshoumaru didn't respond, at first, finally letting go her hand, he sat back. Raising one knee and draping an arm over it, he looked up at the sky, and considered. It had been difficult to let go of Rin, for him as well, and he understood her reluctance - her sorrow.

It was an end.

"Tell me, Kagome. Do you now regret your decision - the sacrifice that gave them the victory - and saved their lives?"

'What?! No, of course not! How could I?"

"Then you can let go. You did so once already. If you have no regrets for your actions, then you cannot regret the consequences of those actions. Do you see? You gave that life of yours, to save theirs - what they do with your gift is up to them from here. Now - here, it is your time to move on, and make a new life... this time, for yourself. All responsibilities towards that realm are done, and you cannot stay."

She nodded, then. "I understand. For every action," she whispered, almost to herself, "there is an equal, and opposite reaction. Consequences. Loss and gain. Yes, I see."

"Correct."

They didn't speak again, merely watched as Kagome's resting place was finished - just as she'd requested, next to Sesshoumaru's. She looked up as an elderly priestess who'd seen far too much loss in her life came slowly over the hill towards the graves, readying herself for her final goodbye to the one who'd been as a daughter to her.

If truth were told, she would have less of a wait to see Kagome again than any of the others, and that thought was her only comfort.

It was a solemn group who met under the trees that day, every one of them grieving with every bit of their souls the loss of such a beautiful light - the darkness could encroach just that much more on the world with her death. Kaede spoke long about how that light had touched so many, and about the love she had shared so freely with all around her; then Miroku also spoke - of love, and the fact that, at the least, their best friend in death was not alone. It was the only hope they could all cling to - they knew her fear of being alone.

Kagome watched as Inuyasha finally reached down to gently pick her remains up, and a sob burst forth as he lay his head against her body and cried, again. She shook her head when she felt a hand lay across her shoulder, comfortingly, then looked down at those gathered, noting Rin's sad face, and glanced back up at him understandingly, her tears drying under his touch.

"It... this - it's hard... but you know about that, don't you?" she asked, with a tilt of her head indicating the young girl he'd given his own life to protect.

And as Inuyasha finally laid her body in the grave they'd dug for her, and began covering her with the soil of her birth realm, she nodded at Sesshoumaru, a new measure of respect finding its way into her eyes when he nodded back.

"Yes. But I do not regret."

And... I don't, either. With one last, long glance at the mourners standing over her now filled grave, she sighed, and took his hand.

"I'm ready, Sesshoumaru. I can let go now."

He held her gaze, then with a nod, he stood, and once again tugging her behind him, they set off for their next destination...

Still holding each others hands.

Kagome smiled.

I guess... I'm okay with that. Maybe, here in this place, even Sesshoumaru can be different. Her smile widened. That is one thing, at least, that I can trust about him. He knows how difficult letting go was for me...

Because it was the same for him.

---wWw---

Behind them, unnoticed by all, a single tear-drop had reached the ground from Kagome's cheek, landing right between the two graves...

And as it slipped into the soil, that tiny bit of precious, salty moisture reached deep into the ground, down where the roots of the Goshinboku began...

One little seed gathered in the salty water - and began to grow, reaching for the surface with all its might.

Soon, there, between two silent graves, a flower would bloom - one that like the Goshinboku itself, would outlast time...

It was a tribute to enemies, and allies - it was a link, and a bridge.

It was also a goodbye...

---wWw---

A/N: And so, we say goodbye to those left behind, and look forward to those we've yet to meet. The journey is about to begin - and love waits at the end... if only Kagome can find the strength in her heart to give her trust to a demon lord that never asked for it - until they were both dead.

But, as they say, hope springs eternal, ne? And Sesshoumaru has hope...

Ja Ne!

Amber