InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Inevitable ❯ Repercussions ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and co. does not belong to me but to Rumiko Takahashi.

 

 

 

Inevitable

 

Chapter 2

Repercussions

 

 

I suppose after three months I should have known that `gentle' was a word you simply did not associate with him.

 

It wasn't like it hurt…most of the time. He didn't intend it, that I could tell, but I still felt a little frightened sometimes, and even while he always recovered afterwards and he always took great care while washing away the results of his aggressiveness, I still found myself crying on those nights when I was alone.

 

It was only when his eyes flashed red, and his youkai blood boiled enough to make him lose all constraint that he hurt me. Most of the time he didn't even know it had happened, and I never told him.

 

I realized that he always had to hold back when we had sex, his youkai blood unable to contain itself during such…“natural” behavior - especially without his sword. Once even his facial markings had appeared, but I didn't like to recall that time.

 

He'd also become even more possessive than before, more dominating, and I was becoming not so much annoyed as scared.

 

He hated that I spent so much more time in my actual world now. No matter how many times I tried to explain it to him he just didn't understand that to me, university was important.

 

He always had to put up an argument when I left after one of my brief visits, which unfortunately were becoming fewer and fewer. And strangely enough I was finding the need to defend myself every time. I almost felt guilty if I didn't explain to him why it was that I couldn't stay.

 

I was becoming afraid of him, meek and diminutive in his presence, and I hated it.

 

I, who had once been so bold and argumentative with him, was now submissive and timid, always fearing his disapproval or anger, righteous or not.

 

I hadn't been able to stand it. I felt like one of those women who had become trapped in an abusive relationship, and I was ashamed to know now that while I had once regarded those women with pity and incredulity, I was now exactly like them.

 

Even with the advantage of the prayer beads I still ducked my head and spoke in softer tones around him. I was not using the subduing spell as often as I once had, though I still did not hesitate to call out the word whenever he crossed the line too far.

 

Although I suppose I can't really say he was abusive, but I had not felt at ease or comfortable in his presence as I once had.

 

He was…changed. I could not pinpoint it exactly, but the difference was there. He was no longer the young, immature boy that I had met five years ago, sealed upon the Goshinboku Tree. He was a man now, and while he may not have been a completely matured adult, he was no longer a boy.

 

He had been…firmer, surer of himself, and he had not embarrassed quite so easily about certain…things.

 

Though when I found myself alone with nothing but my thoughts I was afraid, and even if I was sore between my thighs that was not the reason why I cried.

 

I continued to struggle to accept just what it was that this drastic change in our relationship meant, because the truth was, while I would like to hope one thing, I had absolutely no idea.

 

It was not at all fairy-tale love, and he was anything but prince charming, but I had to wonder how deeply he truly felt for me.

 

Ever since the night the entire mess began, after I had thought all messes to be over and done with, he had not once mentioned anything concerning our relationship, his feelings or emotions towards me, and he had certainly said nothing of Kikyou. Though during the last three years since her death he had barely spoken of her at all…

 

I feared that I was nothing but a replacement of the dead miko; I feared he deemed me nothing more than a friend whom he liked to fuck. Crude words but I had thought them with honesty, and though I had tried to shut them out, as I lay alone in the dark I could not.

 

But I felt selfish with those thoughts; my problems could hardly amount to what the others went through.

 

As to be expected the final battle did not leave us unscathed, and while I was had been lucky, I could not say the same for the others.

 

Sango-chan had been delirious with fever for days, her head wound taking away at least two years of her memory, and even then she was like a yo-yo with her unpredictable bouts of depression.

 

Miroku-sama still required crutches, and while his Kazaana had disappeared and his line is no longer cursed, his left hand now misses its pinkie, ring and middle finger, cut off when Kohaku attempted to slay him with his scythe.

 

Ah yes, Kohaku…

 

The boy was revived, though whether that was really a good thing I could not say. He was plagued by nightmares and guilt, and I could feel him slipping further every time I saw him, his eyes far and withdrawn, the aura of depression he emitted impossible for me to miss.

 

And Shippou…I could not think of him without feeling the sting of tears. He was like a baby brother to me, perhaps even like a son, and I still love the little kitsune with all my heart, but I knew then that it would break when he was gone.

 

He was dying.

 

Despite our attempts to keep him with Kaede he would not listen, and he followed us, and in the end it was he who saved me.

 

I'd shot an arrow and nicked Naraku's shoulder, hardly doing any damage but it did manage to get his attention. Unfortunately.

 

The hanyou had shot out a tentacle, straight for me, and my friends were too far away to help.

 

For a brief, agonizing moment I had thought that I was going to die.

 

But then Shippou had jumped in the way…

 

….And the tentacle had passed straight through him, piercing him through the middle. I swear that I will never stop seeing that image or hearing his screams.

 

He had prevented my death, but in doing so he'd guaranteed his own. And even though he was older and stronger and full youkai, he was not strong enough. Naraku's miasma poisoned him, infecting the wound, and he was too young and weak to overcome the toxin that had entered his system and was now slowly eating him away day by day.

 

He could no longer walk, and was confined to his futon, and while I did my best to visit regularly, often bringing my homework along with me, I was able to get away less and less.

 

I'd gotten a job at the local WacDonald's in order to pay for my tuition, but with the job and school combined, free time was becoming less and less frequent.

 

I remember that night, the details somehow still strong in my mind.

 

I'd eventually no longer been able stand it, and kicking off my covers I'd tumbled from my bed, stumbling to my feet and standing in the middle of my room, rubbing my shoulders even though the spring weather was relatively warm.

 

The soft breeze that blew in from my window drew me over to it, and leaning on the windowsill I looked out into the night.

 

It was open; at the time I'd taken to leaving it that way since he'd often surprise me by slipping in during the night, crawling in beside me to be there when I awoke.

 

I liked waking up to find his arms wrapped securely around me, and while the first few times he'd scared the absolute wits out of me I was by now used to it.

 

It was then, when he was sleeping peaceful next to me, that I could actually enjoy his presence. I wasn't afraid of him then, in fact I felt completely safe and at ease during those moments, but minutes after he woke he was once again the distant and yet domineering hanyou that I had come to question.

 

I had scolded myself for indulging in such brief interludes, always knowing that once he awoke he would most likely demand I return with him, or begin to argue with me about the stupidest thing that I usually don't even remember.

 

I hadn't told my mother about us then, not even Jii-chan or Souta, though my brother had figured it out on his own, and it had cost me a fortune with all the video games I had been blackmailed into buying.

 

I'd looked to my desk, then walking over I'd stooped to pick up the simple glass case, opening it to withdraw the glowing stone, letting it rest upon my palm.

 

The Shikon no Tama, the Jewel of Four Souls, whole and pure, as Midoriko had always intended it to be.

 

So long had we fought to complete it, so much had we suffered to reunite the scattered pieces, and after years of questing it finally lay, purified and complete, in my hand.

 

He had yet to make a wish, then and now, though whenever he had come to my house his eyes would stray often to gaze at it longingly, but he never said a word. I had never asked him, never mentioned it to him. Even if he was changed I had wanted to keep him as long as I possibly could, and I knew that once he made that wish he just wouldn't be the same anymore. He'd be gone.

 

Wiping the tears from my eyes I had replaced it. Turning away I'd sighed heavily, but started at the sudden thump on my roof. I had turned to face my window hastily and watched, trying to slow my breathing as he slipped in through the window, landing softly to stand in front of me.

 

“You're awake,” he'd simply stated.

 

I slowly nodded, and wordlessly crawled back into bed, watching him and counting the predictable one, two, three until he walked over and got in beside me.

 

Typically I gasped when his hand slid up my loose sleeping shirt, the tips of his claws running over my skin, sending constant tremors up and down my spine.

 

I'd trembled slightly, and curled my knees into my chest, grabbing his hand and pulling it out from under my shirt, thrusting it back at him. He lay still for a moment, but then he rolled over, his back not even touching mine, and I lay there in the darkness, feeling alone even though he was not even a foot away.

 

And I had closed my eyes and hugged myself, because no one else would.