InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Inevitable ❯ Bitterness ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

 

Author's Note: Seeing as it's July I guess it's a little late to be saying this but…

 

One of my reviewers asked, and yes, the `Calgary' Flames are a hockey team.

 

Big thanks to Wendy for the great beta job! Thank you!

 

 

Inevitable

 

Chapter 5

Bitterness

 

 

Even now, I still feel that if there is anything in my life I never want to go through again, it will be that.

 

I still cringe every time I remember it; their countless blank stares, stares that hid emotion only to make it all the more visible to me, burning me to the core with shame and humiliation.

 

I suppose, being that I was twenty at the time, it wasn't such a surprise to the staff. I wasn't some unfortunate teen whose obnoxious boyfriend didn't know how to put a condom on right, but being accompanied by my mother, even while it was comforting to have her presence near, spoke volumes to all in the waiting room and to the doctor herself.

 

It wasn't exactly painful, but it was anything but comfortable. Being probed in that area was…well it was uncomfortable. No matter how many times I told myself that I had nothing to be ashamed of, that this happened to women all over the world, that this was a completely professional and medical thing…I simply could not reassure myself. I just could not stop the feeling that this was a complete and utter violation of my body and myself. I wanted nothing more than to scream at the doctor to get away from me, to grab my things and run. And somehow I just couldn't escape the sensation of being dirty.

 

Thank the gods I wasn't pregnant.

 

I almost felt the urge to laugh in their faces, for what reason even I couldn't imagine, but I felt somewhat better to know that I wasn't expecting for sure, though at the same time, I was feeling a little singed that my mother hadn't trusted me enough to believe me the first time.

 

And I wasn't contaminated, as the doctor so nicely put it, with any type of infection whatsoever. I had to restrain myself from yelling `HA!' just to show my intuition had been right in the first place.

 

My mother didn't say a word when we got in the car and it seemed her former worry had been abated, but it returned over another matter.

 

I didn't say anything. I guess I wasn't really mad at her, she was my mother after all; it was her innate instinct to worry. But that didn't mean I couldn't let her suffer a little.

 

I didn't feel angry, I felt…bitter. And it wasn't just the events of that morning that had me feeling so.

 

My appointment had been in the morning and early enough that my mother only had to rush two yellow lights, nearly getting herself a ticket, to get me to my first lecture. I didn't say a word to her when I got out, still filled with bitterness, still feeling like I'd been sullied, still feeling the doctor's probing fingers.

 

The day at first seemed to lighten, but in all reality, it only went from bad to worse.

 

I guess technically it was my fault.

 

I was rushing and I didn't stop to think, didn't stop to realize what he would do. I suppose I cannot always depend on Tessaiga to keep me safe from him.

 

It wasn't as if I was in the wrong though. Houjou was my friend, and just because he's male did not mean I should be forbidden from socializing with him whatsoever.

 

We didn't even do anything. I'd run into him by accident at the library when I was trying to catch up on some notes, and the guy was nice enough to lend me his and help me out with my latest essay for ancient history.

 

In truth I hadn't even seen or talked to him in ages, although surprisingly enough, he had still maintained his schoolboy crush on me. He had pursued me enough during high school, and no matter how hard I had tried, he had always seemed to take it another way. Perhaps he was simply immune to the concept of rejection.

 

So he'd helped me out for which I was amazingly grateful, and he was even nice enough to buy us some coffee at the end of the day. Now I suppose accepting this offer was leading him on, but I'd had a long day and I was exhausted by lack of sleep since I'd had the late shift at work the night before, and I won't even brush the topic of the appointment that morning. I needed caffeine.

 

Suffice to say he ended up giving me a ride home since I usually took the bus. We had a nice chat, and I gave him a hug and quick kiss on the cheek when I said good-bye.

 

Now that, I know, was a mistake, and I honestly wish I hadn't done it for more reasons than one. I hadn't meant it in a suggestive way, and I certainly hadn't done it in a suggestive way, but I hadn't really been thinking when I did it either. It was quick and innocent, nothing more than a friendly `thank you', but the second I pulled away after giving him the peck, I knew I shouldn't have.

 

I nearly cursed right in front of him because of it, and though I usually pride myself on refraining from using swear words, I was prone to say the odd few in times of crises or during an event such as this, a blatant mistake. After all, I had spent five years in the company of a certain hanyou.

 

The widening of his eyes after my hug showed Houjou's surprise, and I bit down hard on my tongue to bite back the unbidden swear.

 

“Ano…Higurashi…” he said, and it was transparently obvious that he was going to ask me out. I was torn between simply running and confessing that I only thought of him as a friend.

 

So I sort of did both.

 

“Houjou-kun,” I'd cut in quickly, searching for the right words. “You're…you're a good…friend.”

 

He smiled…typically. “Ah, thank you, Higurashi.”

 

My smile was a bit less genuine. “You know…I…” Gods, but I didn't know what to say.

 

And then his face got that incorrigible look of hopefulness, and my stomach twisted with guilt, and I chickened out.

 

“I've…got to go, see you another time!” I blurted hastily, and I turned around to dash up the steps to the shrine, my bag bouncing on my side, the heavy books hitting my thigh painfully.

 

Well...that attempt had failed. Utterly.

 

But I did not let myself dwell upon it, hastening to my room to change into more comfortable clothes, snatching my bag, and hurrying to the well. I was going to visit Shippou since for once I didn't have to work and I'd be damned if I'd let this opportunity slip by.

 

As I knew he would be, he was there when I arrived. I tossed my satchel out of the well and climbed out, giving him an attempted smile when I saw him sitting against a tree by the trailhead.

 

Tessaiga was leaning against a stump next to him.

 

I guess that should have been my warning, but warnings are often only realized after their use is no longer worth anything.

 

He stood and walked toward me. I picked up my bag, slinging it over my shoulder as I waited.

 

He stopped about a foot away from me, and I was puzzled to see his brows draw down, and that fluttering of nervousness that pitted at the base of my stomach started up again. I hated it when he was angry with me; he downright frightened me when he was and I feared to know what I could have possibly done to upset him.

 

He stepped close, leaning down to inhale, and then he straightened so abruptly that it startled me.

 

His angry frown alerted me, and I hastily took a step back.

 

He was growling, his face a mask of contained fury.

 

“Inu…yasha…?” I asked hesitantly, biting my lower lip.

 

He came forward even as I backed up until I was pressed against the well, leaning back as he brought his face down so close to mine that his bangs brushed my forehead.

 

“Whose scent is on you?” he growled out, and my eyes snapped wide in sudden fright as my heart made a loud thump in my chest.

 

`Oh…no…' was all I thought.

 

He grabbed me by my T-shirt and jerked me roughly forward, his face hardly a centimeter away from mine.

 

“Whose scent is on you!?” he yelled, and I cringed, closing my eyes.

 

“Answer me! Who the fuck touched you!” he shouted, shaking me with both hands, and my bag slipped from my shoulder to the ground.

 

“I…I…” I fumbled.

 

“Damn it, who the hell touched you? And…” he leaned in even closer, sniffing.

 

The threatening and angry growl was slow, reverberating from his chest and I could feel it as closely pressed against him as I was.

 

“Why is their scent on your lips?”

 

He didn't shout it, but he said it with such fierce intensity that my throat went dry and my pulse throbbed painfully at its accelerated rate.

 

“I…”

 

He was so angry, and I was so scared; I could already see the whites of his eyes bleeding red and sense his youki increasing.

 

I let out a surprised gasp when he forcefully pulled me against his chest, and I could feel the tips of his claws beginning to pierce my skin.

 

“Kagome…” he ground out, “don't the stupid males in your world know that men don't share their women?”

 

I tried to push away, but his grip was tight and painful.

 

“Inuyasha…”

 

“Answer me!” he yelled, lifting me up so that I dangled a few inches off the ground.

 

“Inuyasha!” I screamed, “Inuyasha, no! No, no!”

 

He just growled, and I could already feel the blood begin to leak, running down my arms from the punctures in my shoulders.

 

“Inuyasha, no! Stop, stop, stop!” I tried, kicking and screaming, gripping his wrists with my hands and crying. “No!”

 

Snarling, he dropped me, and I had a brief moment to gasp in air and think for one beautiful second that it was over.

 

And then I felt him seize my shirt again, claws easily tearing through the material. Opening my eyes, I looked up to see his own staring back at me…except they were not his eyes anymore. No, not his.

 

They had been demon eyes. Blood red demon eyes.