InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Inevitable ❯ Explanations ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Apply it how you see fit, it's all the same no matter how you word it.

 

 

 

Inevitable

 

Chapter 4

Explanations

 

 

I remember that morning…

 

“Are you using birth control?”

 

I scoffed. “Yes, Mama.”

 

“Kagome…”

 

“I am!”

 

She groaned and ran her hands through her hair. Slumping her head briefly on the kitchen table she drew her fingers down her face and sat up, resting an elbow on the table and massaging her temple. Her free hand tapping the rim of the untouched cup of coffee, her eyes somewhere far and distant, and I knew the cup was not what she saw.

 

“Mama…” I whispered, ashamed to feel tears brim along my lids.

 

Letting out a nervous giggle her eyes withdrew from that far-off place and she shook her head. Grasping the mug she brought it to her lips, closing her eyes as she took a sip, but her hands were unsteady and trembled, spilling hot liquid onto herself.

 

“Ah…!” she gasped, setting the cup down quickly, more coffee slopping over the brim and onto the table. Sticking her hand into her mouth she sucked at the scalded skin, her chest shaking slightly with soft and strange laughter.

 

“Mama…are…are you okay?” I asked hesitantly.

 

“Yes, yes…I'm fine Kagome,” she answered when she removed her hand, shaking it and rubbing at her eyes. “I'm fine…”

 

I bit my lip, staring down at my own mug of coffee, the heat still swirling around the rim.

 

“What are you using?”

 

I sighed, looking back up to face her. Blunt and back on topic. Yay.

 

“The pill.”

 

“The pill?” she frowned. “But Kagome…how long have you been using it? Please tell me you'd already taken it before…” she reached out desperately to grasp my hand, her eyes pleading with my own and gods did I wish I could lie to her if only to make those unshed tears go away.

 

“…No…” I murmured, and I could see the hope shatter in her eyes even as her head drooped. She withdrew her hand from mine.

 

“But you're not…” she didn't finish the question, nor did she need to.

 

“No, I'm not pregnant…I would have told you already if I was.”

 

She let out a deep sigh; whether of relief, exhaustion, strain or everything in general I couldn't tell.

 

Sitting back in her chair she took another sip of coffee, her eyes gazing out of the kitchen, once again visiting that far-off place.

 

“How long has this been going on?” she questioned, not removing her eyes from the point beyond the kitchen entrance at which she stared, in that somewhere so far from me…

 

“About three months…after it was completed.”

 

“Ah…” she nodded, taking another swallow from her steaming mug and I wondered if she could even feel the scalding of it travel down her throat. “That would make sense.”

 

There was a stretch of silence, my mother continuing to visit that world hidden in her eyes. I could see her scanning whatever it was she saw slowly, as if she were reading or seeing the pages of a book…

 

I studied the hands resting in my lap, the coffee on the table sat untouched. As the moments passed like years I was surprised it was still fresh and steaming…

 

She cleared her throat eventually and I looked up. She was staring blankly at her coffee cup, finger tapping absently on the ceramic.

 

“What…” she faltered, eyebrows drawing down as she struggled, still not raising her eyes to face me. “What really happened…Kagome?” and when she said my name she looked up, searching my face for honesty.

 

I opened my mouth but paused. What was I supposed to say? I, myself, wasn't even sure…and it was so…so…so damned confusing sometimes. I had to question whether this wasn't just some horrid, horrid nightmare that I was being pulled through. We were all so…broken.

 

“We…” I swallowed, “we killed him…we completed it but…” I looked skyward, blinking whilst the tears broke loose and trailed down my face, warm and saline on my skin.

 

The warm presence of her hand clasping mine was unexpected but welcome, and I squeezed back hard as if letting go meant falling away completely.

 

“Shippou's dying…” I gasped, my mouth falling open as I tried to breathe. I could taste the salt of tears on my tongue.

 

Her hand tightened on my own and I knew that both our knuckles must be white from the force of it.

 

“Shh…” she soothed, but I could hear the shakiness of her voice. Turning back to her I was not surprised to see that she herself was crying.

 

“S - Sango-chan is…getting better, and Kaeda-obasan says she is recovered for the most part but…she still has nightmares and even with Miroku-sama to comfort her…” I clamped my lips shut, but they still trembled and I could feel the tears sliding over them. “But even he is…” but my voice rose in pitch, and the first sob shook me.

 

Suddenly I found myself sobbing at my kitchen table, pulling my lips back from my open mouth to let the weeping escape, bowing my head to hide my face with the dark curtain of my hair.

 

I think the last time I had my mother hold me as I cried and clung to her, was that time, so long ago beneath the Goshinboku as we sat and she let me hug her and cry my tears upon her shirt. That time after I'd discovered him there with her…the day I had finally realized that I was in love with him…

 

She hadn't questioned me or made me explain; she simply held me and gave me comfort as mothers always did, shedding light of advice and wisdom on me when the tears had run dry.

 

Even this time she didn't make me go on. In all probability she most likely didn't want me to go on, and I silently thanked her for that.

 

Eventually I had pushed away, wiping at my eyes and giving her a reassuring smile, though I knew that she was anything but reassured.

 

She squeezed my shoulder and stood, gathering my cup and dumping the still hot coffee back into the pot, setting the mug down in the sink. She stared out the window with her hands braced against the base of her back and spoke, her voice soft and calm.

 

“You don't have to go to school today, if you don't want to…”

 

“No,” I answered quickly, rubbing my eyes, “no I'll go.”

 

She nodded, turning around and folding her arms over her chest. “I'm going to make an appointment, at the clinic for you.”

 

I opened my mouth to protest but she held up a hand. “Kagome I want to be sure you understand all the precautions needed to be taken, and I think you should get a pelvic exam.”

 

I gasped. “Mama -”

 

“I don't want you taking any chances Kagome. I'm here for you and you know I'll always support you if anything ever happens but I want you to be safe,” she emphasized her last word, shutting her eyes briefly and sighing heavily.

 

I remained quiet in stunned and horrified shock. When she walked around the table and placed her hands on my shoulders I barely noticed.

 

“Kagome, I know you don't want to do this, and I'm sure you're right in thinking that you aren't pregnant but…” she bit her lip, “but gods Kagome, you're so young. Gods, you could be infected, or…” she breathed out slowly, “I want you safe and I want you free to make your own choices. I can't…I can't stand to see you like this…” and she began to cry.

 

“Mama…” I said softly, shocked. “Mama…oh please Mama, don't cry,” I pleaded, hugging her and gripping the material of her robe in my hands. “Mama don't make me go…they'll stare and they won't say anything but they'll think…” I choked up. “Gods Mama, please.”

 

She rubbed my back soothingly. “Kagome shh…you need to know and understand, for all we know you could be pregnant -”

 

“Mama I'm not!” I protested.

 

“Kagome…!” she pulled away, gripping my shoulders and staring me in the eyes. “Kagome just…just do this…”

 

“But why?” I implored.

 

“Kagome…” she breathed, “if you ever become a mother, you'll understand…please do this?”

 

I stared at her. I hadn't wanted to, I really hadn't. To go into a strange place and be touched there, I didn't care by whom. And then to be stared at and looked at and…and… Gods I just couldn't do it, the fear of subjecting myself for a doctor to…inspect me in places I would very much rather keep private was utterly terrifying. The humiliation would be unbearable. Oh yes, the doctor would stay quiet and go about it all very professionally but…

 

But my mother had needed this.

 

“Okay,” I had whispered, and she'd let out a huge breath and clasped me to her tightly, sobbing on my shoulder.