InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Interludes ❯ We Are Angry ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter 6 - WE ARE ANGRY

(Vol. 16, Scroll 5: Kikyo's Plan, and Scroll 6: The Third Demon)

 

Kagome

 

Only he could be such an idiot! I stomped away from InuYasha, Miroku and Shippo, my ears buzzing with anger and unreleased screams. Of course I was mad at Kikyo for giving the shards - the ones we'd risked our lives to find - to Naraku of all people. But I was even angrier at InuYasha for not seeing her treachery for what it was. And he even risked opening his wounds again just to go out and see her!

 

I found a small grassy patch on the other side of the hill and listened to Miroku help InuYasha back to the hut where he and Sango and had been resting. I didn't feel entirely safe out here, but I knew I'd say things I regretted if I went back before I'd cooled down.

 

Argh! Idiot! Stupid dumb shit! Jerk!

 

That helped a bit, and I took a deep breath. The sky was gray and the slight smell of burning smoke told me there was a village nearby. Somehow that didn't make me feel safer. I took a few more breaths. I was feeling calmer, but guilt over my outburst was poking through the dissipating anger. I knew I should take another few minutes to dredge it up and put it away before I could go back.

 

“Kagome!” It was Miroku. I sighed and stood up. “Kagome, InuYasha thinks you should come back to the hut. He says he senses danger.”

 

“Then why doesn't he come get me himself?” I asked petulantly, already regretting the stupidity of my words. I knew I'd end up saying more dumb stuff if I went back too soon.

 

“Because he is still in pain,” Miroku said reasonably, clearly trying not to make me feel stupid. He could be so nice when he wanted to be.

 

“Oh, yeah,” I said sheepishly and I moved towards him. He took my hand to help me over a particularly large rock. His hands were strong and soft. “I'm sorry for being so stupid,” I said.

 

“Of course you have every right to be,” Miroku said, letting go of my hand to walk beside me. “I don't really understand why InuYasha doesn't suspect Kikyo's motives more. Especially now.” He looked down into the valley at the forest where InuYasha and Kikyo had met earlier. “But he must have his reasons.”

 

“Feh! To quote one of our favorite hanyou idiots,” I said, still marveling at how angry I was.

 

Miroku laughed lightly. And I had to smile too. We walked back to the hut in silence.

 

When we entered, and I saw InuYasha, who was pointedly not looking in my direction. My anger came back in full force, and this time I recognized the guilt that was right behind it, followed by a generous dose of jealousy. You'd look at Kikyo if she came into the hut - you jerk!

 

I immediately went to Sango to check on her and Miroku moved to InuYasha's side. They talked but I didn't pay attention to what they said. I was to busy wrestling the demon of jealousy battling to get control of my mouth all of a sudden.

 

“I'm fine now, so …” Sango was looking at me in a strange way, “Kagome, if you want to take care of InuYasha now …” What was wrong with her, couldn't she see how incredibly pissed off I was at him? Maybe I was hiding it too well.

 

“That's ok,” there was a meanness in my voice I couldn't stop, “I'm sure he's just fine now.” The buzzing was back in my ears, unscreamed words trying to get out. They were saying more things, but I couldn't hear them for the din in my own head.

 

“Kagome,” InuYasha was standing above me. He was slowly crouching to sit by my side, his face tight with pain. “I never had a chance to thank you for saving me from Naraku's last attack.” I turned to him to see him looking straight at me, his amber eyes unwavering and sincere. “Thanks.”

 

No, he wasn't apologizing for sneaking off to risk his life in a meeting with Kikyo. But he was making an effort to bridge the cavernous gap that had opened up between us.

 

“You're welcome.” I said. And I meant it. Despite all the other stuff, he always did appreciate it when I saved his life. The rest of my feelings were still there, but for now this would do.

 

He relaxed and started to get up when his ears and nose twitched together, a sure sign something was wrong. “The smell of corpses,” he said and we all moved to the next battle.

 

 

InuYasha

 

My head swam with pain and confusion. Every bone, muscle and organ in my body hurt. Thanks to Kikyo and the jewel shard she'd given Naraku, I now fully appreciated the force my Kaze no Kizu could wreak on a foe. Thank god that little girl-demon's mirror took some of the force out of it on the rebound.

 

“Poor lady Kagome,” Miroku was saying loudly enough to ensure I heard him. My mind wandered back from the overwhelming landslide of aches and pains that crowded out every other thought.

 

As I let him put his shoulder under my arm, wincing despite myself, my eyes roamed the hillside trying to see where Kagome had gone off too. I didn't really feel like talking to her, or anyone, but I had an uncomfortable feeling and didn't want her to go too far away. After all, Kikyo and Kagura could still be around. And the air didn't really smell right. Maybe I was just paranoid. Now that Kikyo had handed Naraku the jewel, the world seemed even less safe than it had before - if that was possible.

 

“Miroku,” I said between grit teeth, “go get Kagome and bring her back. Something's not right.” He grunted something about why didn't I do it but moved to close the door once I had moved into the hut, and I knew he would make sure she got back unharmed.

 

Back inside, I lay down on the straw and stared at the wall. It didn't help. The pain just wouldn't go away. And it wasn't all in my muscles and bones, either. Kikyo seemed to be trying to piss me off - threatening Kagome, giving the jewel to Naraku. I had tried to forgive her when I learned about Naraku's deadly game so long ago, but she was making it hard to believe my forgiveness was well placed. She wouldn't tell me what was going on. She still doesn't trust me.

 

And since she didn't trust me enough to explain herself, I didn't really have a good explanation to offer my companions. They were risking their lives too, and I felt guilty asking them to accept my trust in Kikyo when I wasn't even sure of it myself - which made me feel even more like an idiot. I was especially uncomfortable when I imagined facing Kagome again. I didn't really understand why she was so sensitive about anything to do with Kikyo, but I knew she thought I was being too forgiving and the thought that she may be right made me really uncomfortable. Kikyo, why won't you tell me what you're up to?

 

Kagome came back in the room and went straight to Sango. Still not ready to let her see my guilt, I kept my back to her as Miroku hoisted me up to reapply Kagome's herbal poultice that had fallen away when I had tumbled down the hill to meet Kikyo.

 

Miroku was saying something as his warm hands moved over my back, but I wasn't listening. The feel of Kikyo's cold hands came back to me as she cradled my head in her lap. Her words …

 

You're alive, I'm glad.

I would never turn your life over to the likes of Naraku.

Don't get yourself killed, not until I can cleanse Naraku and the shikon jewel from this world.

Your life is mine.

I will not turn it over to anyone.

 

Your life is mine. A chill ran through me. So she did still intend to kill me, or see me killed. Maybe it was my exhaustion and pain talking, but a small weak voice whispered in the back of my mind, you cannot escape your penance; your lack of trust in her sealed your fate. This was not the voice I trusted, but I could not ignore it either.

 

“I'm sure he's fine now,” Kagome said with a hard edge to her voice.

 

“Apologize to lady Kagome, InuYasha,” Miroku said as he patted the poultice on my wounds a little too hard.

 

“Ouch,” I yelped, “Miroku, do you mind?”

 

“Do it.” He said and stood up.

 

I turned my head slowly to look at Kagome. Her whole body exuded anger and tension. She was still mad at me. I sighed. I didn't really feel like apologizing. It felt too much like admitting I was the fool she thought I was for trusting Kikyo. But Kagome's profile didn't look normal with that expression on her face. It just wasn't right and I saw that there was one thing I could do to ease some of my pain - and hers.

 

I rose and moved over to her slowly. “Kagome,” I said as I sank down into her sweet scent, “I never had a chance to thank you for saving me from Naraku's last attack.” She turned to look at me and her eyes softened. “Thanks,” I said, trying to put all the genuine appreciation into my voice that I felt when I thought back to her standing over my badly wounded body, bow and arrow taunt as she took careful aim at that blasted mirror. Such a brave act, facing down Naraku and his two demon spawn.

 

“You're welcome,” she said and her eyes smiled a little even though her mouth barely moved. Some of the weight on my heart lifted.

 

Then I caught the scent of death, and the weight came crashing back down on me again.

 

 

Kikyo

 

I stood behind a tree and watched as your companions rushed to meet you at the crest of the hill. I saw the girl's concern turn to anger as she said my name. Her jealousy gave me a perverse pleasure.

 

My warning had come too late, but strong as you were, you had managed to avoid death. I was glad.

 

Of course, as I expected, you believed I had betrayed you to Naraku. It pained me to see that anger in your eyes. But you still live and breathe. You still see the world as the sum of your experience. You do not see the larger patterns you are part of. You do not know that this illusion is here for us to manipulate. I must forgive you this perspective. I had it too, when I was alive. When I was alive, everything mattered so much. Now, only a few things matter even a little bit.

 

You were gone, and so I turned to retrieve the arrow I had shot at the Kagura woman. She had fled, but not far. Naraku's evil was all over this forest, even more than Kagura could account for. What was he up to?

 

My soul skimmers came all in a mass, each one struggling with their many arms to hold a huge numbers, which they released to me. Even I did not have room for them all and some slipped by me and ascended to the place of peace they all would eventually find. I sensed the wheels turn as one for many people nearby. It had to be Naraku. He was trying to lure you out while you were still weak. The coward.

 

I followed the trail of the soul skimmers until I came upon the ruined village. Kagura and a large demon with glittering teeth had utterly destroyed the place. I was about to confront them when you came on the scene. I eased myself back into the woods to observe, ready to raise my bow.

 

Watching you, even with your wounds still fresh, take on the mindreading abomination of Naraku, I could not help but be proud of your strength and determination. But watching you succumb to your demon nature made my the shadow of my heart grow darker. If I were capable of it, I would have felt fear watching that crimson tide rise to cover the whites of your eyes. This was the vision you had of yourself when you burned my village so many years ago. You were moments away from becoming this vicious creature when I pinned you to that tree.

 

I had to grudgingly admit a certain admiration for Kagome, the bravery and affection she showed in bringing you out of it. Watching the two of you, I could see that a bond was growing between you.

 

Was it our bond? Did that part of me you loved go back into her body? Does my body now only house the unwanted remnants?

 

I turned to leave once again, my resolve unaltered.