InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Into the East ❯ Recovery ( Chapter 17 )

Into the East

Chapter seventeen: Recovery

Posted: 29 September 2006

Characters/Plot originally appearing in the anime/manga Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi

Everything else © me

 

 

 

Light teased Sesshoumaru's eyes behind his closed lids. It seemed too bright, brighter than anything he had seen in a long time. Something was wrong. In this time between sleep and wakefulness, something felt off. As his mind struggled to the surface of the deep abyss of unconsciousness, Sesshoumaru's senses began to send him information. First and foremost was a scent, one that he had come to know very well. That little bit made him smile softly, muscles resisting a bit against the unaccustomed movement. He thought that scent had been lost forever.

 

Tenshi… his yet unconscious mind offered, but then that brief smile slipped away. No… Tenshi is gone - I saw her disappear. So who…? The conflict brought the rest of him to the surface. He remained still where he lay and waited, wary of not knowing where he was or who was with him, for there was someone there - and very near by the sound of their breathing. Sesshoumaru listened for a moment and noted that the breathing was deep and even. Whoever it was, they were asleep.

 

There was still that scent. He knew it, of that he was certain, but then his last moments with Tenshi came to mind. The images played through his mind again, and suddenly everything came flooding back: The forest, late night talks, dancing, Mitsue… the ambush in the palace courtyard… Sesshoumaru's eyes snapped open. Vanessa! Immediately he regretted the action as the late afternoon light streaming in through the sheer window coverings nearly blinded him. He let his lids slide closed again.

 

Vanessa… What has become of her? What had become of him, for that matter? He remembered Mitsue striking out at him while he was distracted, but she left little more than a flesh wound. He couldn't even feel it now, but that wasn't necessarily a testament to his health. Vanessa was safe. He had seen to that before dealing with Mitsue, but then the details grew foggy. Vanessa was there again, right beside him. He looked up into her face. Looked up? That didn't make sense, why should he be looking up at her? Unless…

 

Sesshoumaru remembered. Vanessa… wept… for him. While he lay on her lap unable to move, and she cried. And she held him, begged him to awaken and he couldn't. No one had ever wept for him before. He remembered the feel of her tears striking his face. There had been nothing more he could do. If more hostile youkai came, he couldn't have possibly protected her. `My someone to protect…' he had thought before blackness took him. I couldn't protect you. Even if she had survived, he failed her. He vowed to keep her safe and he couldn't.

 

He sighed and felt the mattress shift beneath him. Odd, he thought, but then all was still again. How could he face her now? Was she even there to face? He had to know that she was well. Prepared this time, Sesshoumaru slowly opened his eyes again. He tried raising his hand to shield them, but he couldn't move it. It was trapped. In fact… he couldn't seem to move at all and felt something heavy across his chest. Frowning, the taiyoukai turned his eyes downward. Who dared restrain him?

 

Everything was hazy and he found it difficult to focus, but as he concentrated, vague colors and shapes became clearer. The blue band that crossed his chest solidified and became a silk-covered… arm?! He slid his eyes to the right and then to the left, but what he saw made him freeze, barely able to breathe. A hand held his, small and delicate and… feminine. Fingers laced through his where she held his hand across his chest to the opposite shoulder. Vanessa? Her scent was everywhere, all around him, and as he struggled through his shock, that hand tightened on his briefly, her arm drawing him just a little closer.

 

She sighed in her sleep, a soft puff of air passing his ear and Sesshoumaru thought his heart would stop when he realized his position. How long had she been there? How long had he been there? Some of it was fading, but he remembered a dark tunnel, and Tenshi… and Naraku. A soft growl scratched its way through his throat at the thought of the hanyou, but when he felt Vanessa shift behind him again, he cut it off sharply. He hadn't moved so much as a finger since waking, and he didn't want some careless sound to alert her just yet - he wanted to decide what to do about her first. He felt… guilty… for failing her. It was an odd feeling, and one he wasn't used to having.

 

He should never have allowed her to get so close to him. He should never have allowed himself care for her so greatly. Things had to be different between them. She would only be used again if they continued on as they were. But could he change how he felt? What did he feel? He wanted her there, needed her there - more than he realized if she was his link to Tenshi.

 

Weariness overcame Sesshoumaru full-force and he welcomed the return of sleep. Remaining awake left nothing for him but thought, and at the moment, thinking was giving him a headache. He closed his eyes once more, vaguely wary of returning to that dark place, but an overwhelming sense of contentment settled over him. He was so tired, and it did feel good to be wrapped in a warm embrace - even if it couldn't last…

 

Some time later, Sesshoumaru awoke again. As before, he drifted slowly to the surface of consciousness and when he got there, he let his senses tell him what was important before opening his eyes. The first change he noted, with mild disappointment, was that he no longer rested against Vanessa. It is for the best, he told himself, squashing down the unwanted feeling. It made him feel slightly better to find that she was still in the room - her presence was strangely comforting. This must end.

 

He opened his eyes - much easier this time, as it appeared to be full night with only a lamp to shed light on the room. Sesshoumaru stared at the ceiling for a moment and then turned his eyes down toward the source of light: one small lamp on a stand by the door. He scanned the corners of the room as best he could while lying on his back, propped up only slightly by a pillow. There was no one there, except… His eyes darted to the right. There at his side, with her head pillowed on her arms was Vanessa. He felt an uncontrollable urge to touch her - just to see if she was real.

 

Slowly, and with unbelievable difficulty, Sesshoumaru lifted his hand and ran a claw through her curls and then let it drop back to the mattress. Now that that is out of my system… His limbs felt so heavy. He felt so… weak. Still, he had to try. Fully intending on sitting up under his own power, Sesshoumaru lifted his head off the pillow, but only managed a few inches before the room began to spin painfully, bringing with it waves of nausea. With a groan he dropped back and tried to cover his eyes with his hand, but he couldn't seem to find the strength for even that small task. With his eyes squeezed shut in an effort to calm the churning in his already empty stomach, he felt the futon shift beside him. Cautiously opening his eyes, he saw Vanessa stir and raise her head, blinking her bleary eyes.

 

She stared at him for a long moment, as if trying to discern reality from dream. “You're awake…?” Then she gasped. “You're awake! Do you need anything? I should go get the healers. Oh, Sesshoumaru, I was so worried!” He was a little surprised that she didn't throw herself on him. Would he have minded?

 

How long has she been waiting… worrying? Sesshoumaru wondered to himself and then silently turned his face away. This must end, he repeated in his mind, but he could feel her concern, her worry, her fear. He could almost feel her eyes boring into the side of his head. Look away… he begged her silently. He hated feeling so weak and her concern for him only made it worse. I don't want you to see me this way. Sesshoumaru ignored the part of his brain that was reasoning that she had already seen him `this way' and worse. He willed the woman to just go away. Perhaps if he remained silent long enough, she would think that he had fallen asleep again.

 

“S-Sesshoumaru?” The tremor in her voice was unmistakable: he was causing her to worry again. It would be for the best… Let her think I care nothing for her concern… After all, if she had never come here… but he couldn't even force his mind to complete that thought. It wasn't fair to her. It was he that had invited her to stay with him, but it had put her in danger despite his efforts to prevent it.

 

“Leave me,” Sesshoumaru said finally, his voice rough with disuse. He had to push her away; it was the only way to keep her safe. He closed his eyes and waited.

 

“Sesshoumaru… I…”

 

“Go,” he whispered hoarsly. Never before had he ordered her from his presence, and he hated to do so now, especially after… everything, but he had to. This must end. No good would come of continuing to show his favor of her. He heard her breath hitch and winced, unseen by her, when he smelled the tears that threatened to spill. She never let them fall - she was trying to be strong.

 

“…Okay,” she said softly; it sounded strained, choked. He heard her rise to her feet and flee to her room, closing every door that separated them. Only then did Sesshoumaru open his eyes and turn his head to stare at the ceiling.

 

Fool, he berated himself, she is your dearest and only friend. But he could not let her be used again. Despite his efforts to hide it, apparently his attachment to her as more than Rin's caretaker had been obvious. She was a weakness and one he could not afford to have. Sesshoumaru's current state of health was proof enough of that. No, he told himself. She is a strength. Without her, you would still be wandering those dark passages.

 

This internal debate was starting to get on his nerves, but all thoughts of his own confusion and denial were shattered when a choked sob reached his ears from down the hall. He winced. Vanessa had not shed a tear since their first days together, and those were tears of frustration, but these… These were tears of hurt, and Sesshoumaru knew that he was entirely to blame. Several more such sounds came and then they grew muffled, probably by her pillow or the thick blankets on her futon.

 

She was trying so hard to hide it, trying so hard to be strong, but Sesshoumaru could hear every choked-off, muffled sob as though she had never left the room. And each one tore at his heart. He kept telling himself that it was better this way. She would hurt at first, but later she would be safe. She would be safer if no one, not even she, knew that he valued her and trusted her above all others. Then suddenly, there was silence. Sesshoumaru lay still and listened. Had she cried herself out and fallen asleep?

 

No. His keen ears soon picked up the sounds of cabinet doors opening and items being moved about hastily. What is she doing? It almost sounded as though she were… packing. A tingle of fear shivered up Sesshoumaru's spine. She couldn't… she wouldn't… would she? She was in no way prepared to travel alone, not in this era. Rarely could a woman protect herself to the extent that they required no guardian or escort, and she still knew so little about the dangers of youkai. What is she thinking? The sounds stopped suddenly and Sesshoumaru strained to hear anything that might give him a clue as to what she meant to do.

 

“I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru… Good-bye.” It was a whisper; he wasn't meant to hear, but he did. Something clenched painfully in his chest. He hadn't wanted her to leave, just… leave… Then it happened. For the first time since they left old Kaede's village, their link was broken. Sesshoumaru could no longer feel her presence in the back of his mind. Just when had he grown so comfortable with her that he now felt lost without her in his head? What have I done?

 

A second attempt to sit up produced another wave of dizziness and nausea, but Sesshoumaru fought it. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, waiting for the feeling to pass. He had never been ill a day in his life and he fervently hoped never to feel this way again. When it had abated enough that he thought he could continue, he slid his feet to the floor. His limbs still felt leaden, but he had to do… something. If she wanted to go, fine, but he couldn't have her leave without saying good-bye. Rin would never forgive him. He would never forgive himself.

 

Sesshoumaru rose shakily to his feet and nearly fell into the wall before he caught himself. What sort of poison was that? Whatever Mitsue had used on him, he was clearly still feeling the effects of it. With one hand on the wall for support, he half-stumbled to Vanessa's bedroom. He paused outside the door, breathing hard and cursing the weakness of his body. He entered the room with his eyes on the floor; it was all he could do simply to put one foot in front of the other, and as he looked up, it felt as though that very floor had fallen out from under him. She was gone, unneeded items scattered recklessly throughout the room. She even left behind the ribbon that connected her to him.

 

He quickly snatched up the simple bracelet and spun back to the door, bracing himself against the sudden dizziness. How could he hope to find her in time when he could hardly make it three rooms down the hall without stumbling? Still, he had to try. Where would she go? There was only one way out, and so Sesshoumaru immediately set off for the gates.

 

What would Vanessa do after she left the gates? She couldn't hope to find Kaede on her own and she really had no other place to go. The thought of failing to keep her safe again only spurred him on faster. It was the sheer force of his will that allowed Sesshoumaru to trudge agonizingly slowly through the grounds. When had this palace gotten so big? Each time he stumbled, he felt her slipping farther and farther away from him. He couldn't bear it, but it was all his own doing.

 

Sesshoumaru had just made it across the first courtyard and was entering the main building when the sky chose to open up. Lightning flashed, illuminating the empty courtyard and he snarled at the offending downpour. Everything seemed to be against him: his body, the night, the weather… Time was even against him. Any hope he may have had of tracking her by scent would now be gone in a matter of hours. It seemed ages before he finally reached the front entry. Was it too much to hope that she would change her mind?

 

Feeling weaker than a human child, Sesshoumaru finally reached the stairs leading down to the gate path. His knees almost buckled when he came to a halt, and he had to lean against a pillar to remain upright while he stared disbelieving down into the yard below. There she was. He made it in time - Vanessa hadn't left yet. Never before had Sesshoumaru felt so relieved over anything in his life. All he could do was continue to stare down at her.

 

Vanessa stood with her back to him, her head bowed against the rain. Her clothing was already soaked through - she wore the shirt and pants that Kagome had given her in the beginning and not any of the kimono that he had supplied her. It stung somehow that she seemed to want nothing with his imprint on it. Do not leave, he beseeched her silently.

 

Sesshoumaru didn't think he had the strength to go any further and didn't trust himself on the stairs… he wasn't entirely sure how he made it down the two flights from his room without falling, so he waited, hoping. He watched Vanessa straighten suddenly, as though making up her mind, and slowly she turned over her shoulder for one last look at her temporary home. Then she froze, her eyes widening in surprise. She saw him. Sesshoumaru saw her face contort in concern for him, but she bit her lip and blinked the rain - at least he hoped it was rain - from her eyes.

 

“I'm leaving,” she called up to him, and he was amazed. It was the first time he had her speak in Japanese. He shouldn't have been; after all, he was the only one who could understand her effortlessly and now she seemed to be able to converse freely with almost everyone. At least he had been… he gripped the ribbon a little tighter in his fist. Perhaps she could get by on her own - as long as she could avoid being attacked. “I can't stay here,” she went on. “I don't… don't want to cause you any more trouble… I'm so sorry you were hurt… because of me.” She began to turn away again. Is that what she thinks? That I… blame her? Never. Though he had to admit that he hadn't done a very good job of convincing her otherwise.

 

“Do what you wish,” he told her. “I will not stop you.” Sesshoumaru watched, hoping against hope that she didn't really want to leave.

 

Vanessa spun on him and took a few steps toward the staircase. “Do what I wish.” She stared at him incredulously, then her eyes flashed. “Do what I wish?!” she cried out, the tears threatening to spill belying the anger in her voice. “All I've wanted this entire time was your trust - to be your friend, but you cast me aside so easily. I… I…” Her tears finally fell and her breath came in hiccups. “I was so worried, Sesshoumaru. About you. This whole time, you were all I could think about. I thought you were going to… to…” she couldn't finish and buried her face in her hands. “And you don't care about any of that,” came her muffled voice.

 

Sesshoumaru could see her shoulders shaking even through the rain. She truly was worried. About me. He suddenly felt the undeniable need to go to her, to comfort her. He released the doorframe and slowly descended the stairs with all the dignity he could manage while tightly gripping the handrail.

 

The journey seemed to take forever, but finally Sesshoumaru found himself standing at the foot of the stairs, just before Vanessa. She didn't even seem to notice his presence until he gently removed her hands from her face. She jumped at the contact, but still wouldn't look at him. He didn't like it; he wanted to look her in the eye when he said what he had to say. Sesshoumaru hooked a clawed finger under her chin and gently turned her face up to meet his gaze. “I'm so sorry!” Vanessa said before he could even begin, “I should never have come here. If I hadn't been here -”

 

“Naraku would have won,” he said softly.

 

“I - what?” she looked up at him, puzzled. He knew she understood what he said, but just to make everything clear Sesshoumaru took her left hand and slipped the ribbon onto her wrist into its rightful place.

 

“You… saved me.”

 

“I did?” He nodded, cupping her cheek with his hand and wiping the remainder of her tears away with his thumb. The rain continued to pour as he looked down on Vanessa. Fat drops splashed off her cheeks and turned into tiny jewels that clung to her eyelashes.

 

“I have behaved poorly,” Sesshoumaru said finally, dropping his eyes from hers. “I was ashamed that you should see me so weakened, but I do not blame you for what has happened. Never think so.” His traitorous body chose that moment to give out and he sagged with a groan.

 

“Sesshoumaru!” Vanessa cried as she wrapped her arms around his chest, trying to slow his fall. “You shouldn't even be out of bed!” Sesshoumaru dropped to one knee and met her frantic violet eyes with a steady gaze of his own as she knelt before him, hands on his shoulders. “You are not weak,” she said. “You are the strongest person I have ever met - you pulled through when everyone thought you would never wake up.”

 

“Are you still leaving?” he asked - he had to know. “I have sworn, if to no one other than myself, to keep you safe. If you leave those gates,” he said and nodded past her, “so will I. I will not fail again.”

 

“You haven't failed me, Sesshoumaru. You came when I needed you and that's all I could have asked for. You were hurt because of me - how could you think that you failed me? If anything, it should be the other way around. And… I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave.”

 

“What stopped you?”

 

“When I saw you standing up there, I thought you might have come to make sure I was gone. I would have left if you asked me to, but before that I was remembering something that a… a visitor told me. It was just before the healers brought you to your room.”

 

“A visitor.” He remembered that it was already well into the night when he fought with Mitsue, so who would have visited Vanessa at that hour? And where? She should have gone straight to her chambers after he was taken away.

 

“Yes, a visitor. He gave me some advice… Sesshoumaru, you're soaked through! I'll tell you everything if you let me help you back to your room. Do you think you can walk that far again?” Sesshoumaru turned his face away from her once more. How had he allowed himself to be brought so low as to require the aid of a mere human woman to do something as simple as walk to his own bedchamber? And yet… she was not just any human…

 

“Hey…” Vanessa said softly, turning his face back to her with a small hand that was warm despite the rain. “Don't do that. It's just me.” he looked into her eyes and found them searching, waiting for him to push her away again, and he just couldn't - couldn't tell her to leave, couldn't ask her to stay, couldn't voice his need for help, couldn't look away… So he nodded.

 

Vanessa bit her lip and looked away for a second before meeting Sesshoumaru's eyes once more. “One more thing,” she said softly, and suddenly she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into her embrace. He froze. What is she doing? When her mouth was near his ear, she spoke - little more than a whisper, “I'm glad you're back… I was so afraid I had lost you.”

 

She isn't angry? She isn't upset that I was so ungrateful after she spent Kami only knew how long worrying? He didn't deserve her concern right then… He had gone to her rescue and then as much as made her believe that he was throwing it back in her face. How long had she been worrying? How long had she been blaming herself? His mouth felt suddenly dry, but he had to know, “How long...?” Sesshoumaru remembered it seemed ages that he wandered the dark tunnels with Tenshi, but there was no real sense of time there.

 

Vanessa pulled away and held his shoulders at arms' length. “You fell unconscious almost three weeks ago.” Three weeks?? Three weeks and my body has not yet healed itself? Tears began to glitter in her eyes again. “Saburo said that the healers cleaned the wound and that it was no concern, but they couldn't get the poison out of your system. He said that it must have paralyzed you and taken over your mind. Most of the time you just lay so still... but sometimes I would come back and they would tell me that you were having some sort of dream that made you toss fitfully in your sleep. I knew something was going on inside, but I had no idea what to do. All I could do was watch and wait. The last one was the worst,” she said softly. “I thought you were giving up.” Tenshi had to `go places'... and that's when... Naraku... would come.

 

“Come inside,” Sesshoumaru said suddenly, “and tell me about this `visitor' you spoke of.” He rose to his feet and swayed slightly at the sudden change in altitude. Immediately, Vanessa was at his side with her arm around his waist. “What are you doing?” he asked her

 

“I'm helping you inside.”

 

“I do not need your help.” She was taller than most women in his land, the top of her head just reaching above his shoulder, but she seemed so small and frail, nestled into his side like that. It should be he helping her inside, not the other way around.

 

“Yes you do, and you know it. Besides, if it makes you feel any better, I've already seen you in worse shape than this,” she said, grinning up at him.

 

Sesshoumaru returned her grin with a scowl. “It does not.” Then she giggled, her laughter music to his ears after the pain-filled crying that he had caused and he warmed just a little inside. So easily she forgives…

 

“Come on, you can trust me not to let you fall.” She made a show of looking around, searching for something, then leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, “I won't tell anyone that you needed the help of a human, and a female at that.” She knew him all too well.

 

“No. You will not,” he agreed, smiling inwardly and allowing himself to lean just a little on her slight frame.

 

VvVvVvVvV

 

By the time they made it back, Vanessa could tell that Sesshoumaru was exhausted. At the foot of the stairs that led up to their rooms, he stopped and gently pried her away from him. She could only watch as he moved to the side and gripped the banister. Of course… if that one arm is around me, then he can't catch himself. Sesshoumaru set one foot on the first step, set his jaw and began to ascend. Vanessa stayed a step below him the entire way… just in case, but he didn't fall. He did pause several times, as though to catch his breath, but always continued on. When he finally reached the top, he leaned back against the wall and looked for all the world as if he wanted slide down to the floor and fall asleep right there, but Vanessa touched his elbow and he nodded, allowing her to help him to his room.

 

Once there, Vanessa, pulled out a set of dry clothes and told him to change. She didn't miss the raised eyebrow as she moved about his bedroom as if she owned the place, but she ignored it and went to her own room to change and dry her hair a bit. She sat on her bed while waiting what she hoped was an appropriate length of time for Sesshoumaru to get dressed and thought about everything that had happened in the past few hours. Sesshoumaru woke up. Sesshoumaru woke up!

 

She had been so happy to see those beautiful golden eyes that she was stunned at his silence and then his coldness. It made her think that he blamed her for his being hurt, more than she already blamed herself. Her breath caught for a moment. What if he had awoken when she sat with her arms around him? It had been too much - to have been waiting for him, wanting desperately for him to wake up and then to be cast aside without a care. She just couldn't stay after that. It was probably a rash decision, but if he didn't want her there, then she wouldn't be there. Vanessa had packed up everything she owned, careful not to take anything that would tie her to Sesshoumaru. She even left behind the ribbon that bound her to him, though if she had thought about it, if she had not wanted to give him a chance to follow, she would have waited until she was past the gates and burned the thing. But she didn't want to believe that he cared nothing for her so she left it for him.

 

Then when she reached the gate, his father's words came back to her: He will try to distance himself from you… Don't give up on him… Let him know you care… That's what he was doing wasn't it? He was pushing her away, not because he wanted to but because he felt he had to? She had been torn between running and going back when she looked back once more and found Sesshoumaru standing at the top of the stairs. He looked like he was barely keeping his feet under him, and he came… came to see her off? Or came to bring her back? But then he came down to meet her, and the way he spoke to her… the way he looked at her… She shook her head. No.

 

It was past time for her to go back to him so she quickly crossed the rooms dividing them. A light knock on his door announced her presence before she slid the panel open and entered. “You rummage through my clothes and yet you still knock before entering,” Sesshoumaru said. He was seated on the edge of his bed, leaning on the elbow resting on his knee, and his head was bowed wearily. He didn't look up even as he spoke, and his long hair still dripped on the floor at his feet.

 

Vanessa shook her head and grabbed a towel. It was only when she set about drying his hair that he looked up at her - and fixed her with a glare. She glared right back. “I'm not letting you go to bed with your hair soaking wet,” she told him. He sighed and motioned for her to proceed. When she finished, she wistfully ran her fingers through his hair a few times, noting a few tangles, and thought about asking him if she could comb it, too, but decided not to push her luck. However, Sesshoumaru glanced up at her and then reached over to the nightstand for his comb, which he then offered to her. She couldn't hide her grin. “Really?”

 

Sesshoumaru shrugged. “You tangled it, therefore you ought to be the one to untangle it.”

 

Vanessa happily set about her task. As much as she had wanted to, she could never bring herself to comb his hair while he slept. She started at the ends, gently working out the tangles, and by the time she reached his crown, sweeping long strokes through his hair, Sesshoumaru's eyes were heavy-lidded and his head drooped. She thought she heard a soft contented rumble in his chest, but decided not to comment on it. This time.

 

She replaced the comb on the table and gently squeezed Sesshoumaru's shoulder, causing him to jerk to full wakefulness. “You're tired,” Vanessa said. He wiped a hand down his face, but said nothing. “Alright then, up.” He stared at her. “Up. Stand up,” she told him, motioning with her hands to make it perfectly clear what she wanted. Sesshoumaru complied, but watched her warily as though she had taken a temporary leave of her senses. All she wanted to do was straighten the bedcovers and pull the sheets back down for him to get in. “Okay, you're all set,” she said setting a pillow in place.

 

“Another pillow.”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I would prefer to sit up.”

 

“Oh. Okay.” Vanessa piled up the pillows, just as Sesshoumaru asked and then stepped aside, allowing him to get into bed. When he did, Vanessa set about tucking the blankets around him, trying not to smile as he grumbled at her. There was no way he would have let her if he could stand without getting dizzy.

 

“I am not a child that needs to be tucked in at night,” he ground out.

 

“Maybe not, but you're hardly in any position to complain right now, are you? Let someone take care of you. I'm guessing it doesn't happen often, so humor me, okay? In the morning healers are going to be swarming all over the place, so you may as well enjoy the peace you have now. Saburo will probably have my head for not telling him right away that you were awake,” she said as she settled down on her pile of cushions.

 

“I do not wish to see anyone,” Sesshoumaru said softly. Vanessa wanted to take his hand comfort him, do something, but she didn't think it would be helpful at the moment, so she wrapped her arms around her knees.

 

“I can try to keep people out if you want… I don't know how much good it will do.”

 

“No,” he sighed, “Let them come, but… find Saburo first, if you would.”

 

Sesshoumaru leaned back against the pillows and closed his eyes. He looked like he was falling asleep again so Vanessa got up to go back to her room. She hadn't taken more than a step when something latched onto her wrist. She spun around and found Sesshoumaru staring at her with a strange expression on his face. “I should let you get some sleep,” she said. He snorted and released her.

 

“The way I understand it, I have been sleeping for three weeks. You still haven't told me about this visitor you had.”

 

He doesn't want to go back to sleep… “I'll tell you, but you really should get some sleep.” Vanessa sat again and looked up at him. “It was just after the healers took you away. I was in the sitting room on my side waiting for Saburo to come an let me know that they were bringing you back. I think I had fallen asleep and then I heard a man's voice coming from my bedroom.”

 

Sesshoumaru sat up abruptly, which only resulted in getting him dizzy. He clutched his head, and when it passed, he looked over at Vanessa, his eyes flashing. “There was a man in your bedroom? In the middle of the night? Who was he?”

 

Vanessa moved up to sit on the edge of the bed and gently pushed him back into the pillows. “Sesshoumaru, you're going to make yourself sick. I was getting to that point. Will you let me finish now?”

 

He still wore a frown, but he nodded. “As I was saying,” Vanessa went on. “A man's voice called to me from my room so I went to see who it was - and before you say anything,” she interrupted herself. “I know. It probably wasn't a good idea, but it turned out all right in the end. I walked in and there was someone sitting on my bed. It was the strangest thing. He was glowing, solid but sort of ghostly at the same time - if that makes any sense. Sesshoumaru, it was your father.”

 

She waited a moment to gauge his reaction. His eyes widened a bit in surprise, but he said nothing. “He said… that it wasn't my fault, and that you are strong and stubborn.”

 

Sesshoumaru snorted. “He would say that.”

 

Vanessa smiled. “He said that you would make it, but you needed my help to lead you home. I don't know what he meant by that-”

 

“I do.”

 

“What?”

 

“When I was… asleep… I was in some sort of labyrinth. I had to find my way through, but I had no memory of who I was or why I was there. I came across a little girl early on, and she didn't have a name so I called her Tenshi. She wanted me to come home with her so I followed. There was nowhere else that I knew I had to be. Now I know that she had something to do with you. I think the times that you left this room, so did she, and that's when… that isn't important. What is important is that she led me to the exit. You led me out of there.”

 

“I never knew…” she whispered.

 

“What was it that he said that made you change your mind about leaving?”

 

“Oh, right… He said that you would try to push me away, that you would say this was only proof that attachments make you weak. But he also said that I shouldn't give up on you.”

 

“So you were coming back when I found you?”

 

“No… I still wasn't sure what I was going to do.”

 

“What would you have done if you left?”

 

“I guess I would have tried to find Kaede's village… somehow, and then wait for Kagome. At least then she would be able to get some kind of message to my family.”

 

Vanessa hadn't thought of going home since before Sesshoumaru fell. It was strange, even after so short a time, to think of anywhere else than this palace as her home, but she still had ties in the future. Those could not be forgotten.

 

Silence fell over the pair and soon Sesshoumaru's eyes were drifting closed again so Vanessa stood to leave, but was halted in her tracks by his whispered request. “Stay,” he said so softly that she couldn't tell if he was truly awake. She sat again on the floor and pillowed her head on her arms, looking up at him until her own eyelids grew too heavy to keep open.

 

She awoke much later to something insistently tapping her hand. When she opened her eyes, it was still fairly dark, but not the dark of night. She frowned at the weak morning light that was filtering through the still-present storm clouds. Then she realized whose window she was looking out of and that the tapping had stopped. Vanessa glanced up and a fully awake Sesshoumaru brought a finger to his lips in a silent `hushing' gesture then closed his eyes and dropped his hand back to his side. She stared at time with no small amount of puzzlement. He's lost his mind. She was about to ask him if he was sure everything was alright, but no sooner had his hand returned to his side than the morning healer came strolling through the door. Vanessa jumped back from the bedside and stared incredulously down at Sesshoumaru while the healer prepared for her morning check. “Still no change, dear?”

 

Vanessa glanced from the healer down to Sesshoumaru and back. “What? Oh… no. No change.” Why you little cheat! You better have a good excuse, and don't think I'll make a habit of lying for you. You can't hide in here forever! …I have to get out of here before she asks me anything else. She started for the door, hoping to escape and wishing that the healer would hurry up and finish so she could tell Sesshoumaru exactly what was on her mind. Almost there, she thought as she reached the doorway, but froze when she heard the healer's voice behind her. She couldn't be rude, after all.

 

“Very well. Be sure to get some rest. I think you have stayed up with Sesshoumaru-sama even more than little Rin has,” the motherly female said as she went about her tasks.

 

Today she decides to be chatty. “Yes. You're probably right. I think I'll go lay down for a bit right now -”

 

“Mind you, any of us would gladly sit with him,” the youkai continued, seemingly oblivious to Vanessa's attempted escape, “but we have other duties too and he would have to be moved down to the healers' ward. With you here watching over him, he can stay in the comfort of his own bed. He is certainly lucky to have found you.”

 

“Yes. He is,” Vanessa said a little more forcefully than she intended. Did you hear that? You're lucky I'm not more honest… That didn't come out right. The healer looked at her as though wanting to feel her forehead for a fever, but only shook her head.

 

“Remember to take care of yourself too, dear. You'll come for us right away if anything changes?”

 

If anything changes from his current state of living? “Y-yes, right away.”

 

“Good,” the healer said with a smile. “Good day, then.”

 

Vanessa left to wait in her room so she could avoid any more awkward questions. When she heard the door click shut, signaling the healer's departure, she waited almost a full minute before stalking to Sesshoumaru's side. “Mind telling me why you thought I should cover for your little charade?” she hissed.

 

He cracked an eye open. “You could have left. I only asked you not to say anything.”

 

“Oh! You! I tried to leave. You didn't exactly give me a lot of time to beat a hasty retreat.”

 

“You were sleeping. The healer did say that you should get some rest.”

 

“I can't believe you just lied to your staff. They've been doing everything they could to make sure you didn't die.”

 

“I did say last night that I wished to speak with Saburo first. You were still sleeping and I couldn't very well go to him myself without causing a scene.”

 

“You would be one to fake sick just to get out of a math exam, wouldn't you?”

 

He raised an eyebrow.

 

“Never mind. I'm going to go get something to eat. On my way back, I'll stop by and see Saburo. Is that okay with you?”

 

He nodded.

 

“Is there anything else I should know? Like maybe I shouldn't tell him because you want to surprise him?” She'd meant it to be sarcastic, but…

 

“Now that you mention it…”

 

“Seriously?”

 

He nodded again.

 

“You're twisted.”

 

“You suggested it.”

 

“I wasn't serious! Fine, I'll bring him, but it's on your head.” Vanessa stood and walked to her room, muttering, “Good grief, he is only playful in the morning.”

 

“I heard that,” Sesshoumaru said with a smirk, which only gave Vanessa a very strong urge to stick her tongue out at him, but she refrained. One of them had to be mature in this… whatever it was that they shared. Still… she couldn't keep her heart from soaring at the thought that he seemed to be doing better, nor could she keep the smile off her face.

 

VvVvVvVvV

 

Sesshoumaru watched Vanessa shake her head and disappear out the door. He wasn't quite sure what had come over him himself; he just knew that since waking again earlier that morning - despite still feeling as though he had been run over by a heard of cattle, a herd of raging youkai bulls more like, he felt… well, he wasn't certain how to explain how he felt. It was odd.

 

When he awoke, the first thing he noticed was that Vanessa was still there. For a moment he thought that the previous night might have been a dream, that he hadn't actually escaped from the prison of his mind, but then he saw the pile of his clothing in the corner, still damp from the rain. She stayed… but why? He remembered her getting up to leave, but he stopped her. Then they talked, but the longer it went on, the more vague his memory became. Must have fallen asleep, he reasoned.

 

Perhaps it was the memory of Tenshi and Vanessa's apparent connection to her, or perhaps he was finally accepting that someone might actually care about him without hidden motives, but it was strangely comforting to find Vanessa waiting for him. It was hard for him to believe that she had spent three weeks, very likely in the same position she was in now, waiting for him to awaken. He wondered how many sleepless nights she had spent in her worry over him and couldn't bring himself to rouse her. It needed to be done though. Sesshoumaru was serious the previous night when he had said that he didn't want to see anyone until he had a chance to speak with Saburo, and stumbling down the hall to meet him simply wouldn't do. He waited until the last possible moment, when he heard someone approach and smelled the telltale odors of herbs and medicines that surrounded most healers wafting down the hall, before trying to silently wake her by tapping a finger on her hand.

 

Now as he watched her go, Sesshoumaru felt almost relieved that Vanessa had scolded him. Almost. She had shown so much concern, so much worry for his sake last night that he thought she might treat him as an invalid now. But she didn't. She was concerned, yes; he could feel it, could see it in her eyes when she looked at him, but there was no pity. If there was one thing Sesshoumaru couldn't stand, it was pity directed at him. It was that thought that kept him away from the palace after losing his arm and while recovering from Inuyasha's Wind Scar attack. He was perfectly capable of healing himself without a palace full of followers hovering over his every move. This was why he hadn't wanted that healer to know he'd awoken.

 

With Saburo behind him, and Sesshoumaru was almost certain that he would be, together they could keep the often-overzealous healers at bay. There was always Vanessa too, if by some chance anything went wrong and there was no hovering healer. She was trained as a healer, more than a healer by the standards of the current age, so she should be more than enough until the youkai healers arrived. That is, if they were ever needed - and he was quite certain that they wouldn't be. He would see to it that he wouldn't need them. Besides, she didn't tread on eggshells when she spoke to him, afraid that he might break. In fact, the way she spoke to him, it was as though he had never been injured at all. She was even perhaps a bit bolder than before. Though, he supposed he did deserve that; he was acting a bit childish. However, none but he ever needed to know that little bit of information.

 

Sesshoumaru remained in bed for a time while waiting for Vanessa to return with Saburo, but it wasn't long before restlessness set in and he began to feel useless. It was one thing to sit and think or meditate or even relax, simply because he wanted to, but it was something else entirely to be forced to bed because his body physically could not do everything that he wanted it to. Yet. He had to do something. It was about then that he decided that his first encounter with his chief advisor would not be made from his bed, or his bedroom for that matter.

 

Sitting up carefully, Sesshoumaru closing his eyes against the wave of dizziness that was actually slightly less than it had been the first time and waited for it to subside. Then he slid his feet to the floor and hauled himself upright. He was prepared this time and reached out for the wall to steady himself before ever losing his footing. A resigned sigh escaped him and he wondered how much longer he was going to have to feel this way.

 

He made his way to his wardrobe and put on something more presentable than bedclothes: Hakama and haori very similar to his customary white attire, but a deep blue with silver leaf patterns at the collar and on the sleeves. The hakama bunched at his ankles, but rather than wear boots, he slid his bare feet into a pair of soft slippers. Finally, he threw the familiar weight of his furry pelt over his shoulder. Everything seemed to be as it should be. Almost.

 

Three weeks… Sesshoumaru thought to himself as he moved into his sitting room. Three weeks was nothing but a blink of an eye when compared to the long, near immortal life he would live, but in the moment, those three short weeks seemed an exceedingly long time. He spared a passing glance to the seats and cushions in the room, but decided that if he were to sit, he probably wouldn't be able to get back up again when Saburo came. Already the heavy weight of weariness was settling over him, causing him to growl low in his throat at the thought of being forced back to bed. It was beyond him how he had made it to the gates and back without collapsing. Instead, he opted to go to the window and watch the rain falling outside. He rolled up the window covering and leaned casually against the wall, though it was more to reserve energy spent on keeping his balance than anything else.

 

If he still had both of his arms, Sesshoumaru might have crossed them over his chest as he watched the rain dropping into puddles and spilling over the side of the balcony. However, ever since that unfortunate incident with his half-brother, he had taken to idly running his claws through the thick fur at his shoulder. It had become a habit - not a nervous habit, or even a bored habit, just something to do with his hand besides let it hang at his side when he stood waiting for someone or something, or when his mind was otherwise distracted. Some part of him thought he should have worn a bare patch into the fur by now, but the thing was enchanted, wasn't it? Functional as an article of clothing as well as a weapon?

 

Sesshoumaru's fingers had just found their way to his shoulder when his ear twitched at a sound coming from outside his door and down the hall: footsteps, two different sets. One was heavy, but sure, not clumsy, and barely making a sound and the other light and quick, hurrying to keep up with the long strides of their companion. He knew who they were and shifted his focus to catch their murmured conversation.

 

“… I know I promised to stay with him, but please trust me on this. There isn't anything wrong. In fact -” Vanessa paused to open the door and gasped, little more than a short sharp intake of breath, quickly followed by Saburo rushing past her through the door.

 

“What is it? What - My lord! Sesshoumaru-sama! How did… When?”

 

That Saburo tripped over his words was proof enough of his shock. Did no one believe he would awaken? Sesshoumaru turned his head slightly to peer over his shoulder from the corner of his eye. “I see my palace has not fallen down around your ears in my absence,” he said almost flippantly, as though he had merely been abroad all this time, and turned back to the window. It was not uncommon that Saburo would be left in charge while Sesshoumaru was away. He was entirely capable and they both knew it.

 

“No, my lord… I mean yes. Everything has been well since you… There haven't been any more problems.”

 

Vanessa coughed politely, drawing the attention of both males. “If you will both excuse me, I'll just… go see if Rin is awake yet.” Sesshoumaru nodded once and Saburo smiled warmly, and then she left them alone.

 

“Sesshoumaru-sama, if I may ask, how long have you been awake? I had asked Vanessa-san to find me immediately. Have the healers been here?”

 

Sesshoumaru turned and looked at him sharply. “I awoke for the first time last night,” he said and paused, remembering just where he was the very first time. A lesser man might have blushed, but Sesshoumaru continued smoothly, “and no one else has been notified until now because I wished it so. I will not have healers hovering over me, clucking over every move I make.”

 

“Yes, my lord. Is there anything you need of me? What shall I tell the healers? They will not be satisfied with just the knowledge that you're awake and well.”

 

At that, Sesshoumaru sighed and turned his gaze to the window. He wasn't quite as well as he was leading Saburo to believe. “One healer may come one time. Beyond that I will not have them here unless I call for them specifically.” He really had nothing against his healers. They were useful and he valued their talents, but that still didn't do anything to make him want to be their patient.

 

“I will see to it,” Saburo said. “Is there anything you need right away?”

 

“Have a writing desk brought to my room, and bring me any documents that require my attention. The other lords will want notification in my hand, and -”

 

“So soon? You haven't fully recovered yet. Surely you don't -”

 

Sesshoumaru silenced him with a look. “I will not sit idly by and let them talk among themselves about how best to divide my territory. They will not have one moment more than they have had already to consider this Sesshoumaru weak.” On the whole, the four great lords got along reasonably well. There was the occasional border dispute when villages expanded, but there hadn't been any major conflict among them in at least a century. However, any shift in power could upset that balance. Sesshoumaru would take no chances.

 

“But Sesshoumaru-sama, no one -”

 

“Bring the desk.”

 

“Yes, my lord. As you say. Is there anything else? You must be hungry.”

 

Whatever it was that Vanessa had brought back with her had certainly smelled tempting, and his stomach reminded him painfully that it was very empty, but at the same time, he knew that he would never keep down anything rich. “Something bland. I don't care what,” he said dismissively. “Send it with Jaken in one hour's time, and do not allow the healer near until after I have finished my meal.” Sesshoumaru was surprised that the little imp had yet to make an appearance, but he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with his groveling just yet.

 

“I will get right on it,” Saburo said as he bowed and backed toward the door. “Sesshoumaru-sama… I am glad you are recovering. It hasn't been the same around here since… but besides that,” he said flashing a mischievous grin, “I haven't been able to find a decent sparring partner since…” Saburo drifted off again before ever mentioning Sesshoumaru's unconsciousness, but the cheery light still glinted in his eyes. It was just as well; acknowledgement of failure by someone else made it seem so much more real.

 

Sesshoumaru just nodded and turned toward his room as Saburo left. He was just about to sit down on the his bed, intending on lying down for a bit when something small dashed through the door and attached itself to his leg. He was shocked into stillness for a moment, but then his eyes softened as he looked down on the girl. It was unusual for her to be so bold, but not unexpected. “Rin,” he said, “were you listening?”

 

She shook her head emphatically in the negative. He had caught her eavesdropping once, but after a light scolding from him, to his knowledge she never did so again. “I heard the door close,” she muttered into his hakama.

 

He stared down at her. Three weeks… he reminded himself. She must have been frightened. Gently he pried her arms from around him turned to sit on the pile of cushions Vanessa had previously occupied. He laid his pelt aside and when Rin only stood there staring at him, he held his hand out to her, saying, “Sit with me, Rin.”

 

Hesitantly she placed her small hand in his and Sesshoumaru guided her down beside him, where she drew her knees up to her chest and nestled herself into his side, clinging to the folds of his clothing. “Were you frightened?” he asked her, and she waited a moment, weighing her answer and then nodded. Sesshoumaru slipped his arm around her and under her knees, easily lifting her onto his lap. Rin gasped in surprise at first, but quickly recovered and took advantage of her new position by wrapping her small arms around him again.

 

“I thought you wouldn't wake up, just like my mama and daddy. I don't want that to happen to you, Sesshoumaru-sama. Not ever.”

 

“I do not wish to die yet either, but death is a part of life, Rin.” Doubly so for you humans, he thought to himself. “Everyone will pass from this world sometime. Some take longer to get there than others, but in the end everyone leaves.” He held her securely to him, one of the few times that he could recall, and rested his chin on top of her head. He breathed in her sweet child-like scent of milk and honey and sighed. “You needn't fear, Rin,” he said softly, “I will do everything in my power to remain in this world to watch over you.”

 

Rin only nodded against him, but didn't move away. She seemed fully content to take every advantage of this rare show of affection, and Sesshoumaru let her. It didn't happen often, after all. Soon, he was aware of another set of eyes on him. How had he missed hearing her approach? He glanced up and met Vanessa's eye in the doorway, frowning slightly and wondering if it were he or Rin who left the door open, but she just smiled softly and backed away, closing the door as she left.

 

 

 

 

A/N: Ugh! Gag me with a spoon full of sugar! I couldn't help it. This chapter (and I think this story) was desperate for fluff… so I put some in. Chance encounters with one's mortality will do that to a person (Sesshoumaru), especially when that person is generally considered `invincible,' but don't worry. Sesshoumaru is still the same demon lord we all know and love - he still doesn't take sh- `crap' from anybody. I don't know… too much too soon? That is… not too soon in the story? Obviously after 17 chapters there should be something. Just… too soon after next to nothing? Let me know what you think. I may end up making some changes…

 

I'm falling asleep at my desk right now, but I would like to answer some of your reviews… maybe next chapter? Is that okay? I still love that so many people respond so positively to this story. Thank you!!