InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ InuErotica ❯ Wish (Sess/Adult!Rin) ( Chapter 5 )

A/N: I did it! I wrote a non-tragic Sess/Rin lemon! And it only took about 9 months, two tragedies and a bunch of really well meaning friends and reviewers saying “wow, that was good, but just imagine how good it would be if you didn't depress the heck out of us in order to bring Sess and Rin together - h a p p i l y…? Do us a favor and try using your powers for good?” So this is my Valentine gift to all those wonderful readers who slogged through the other ones, gave me reviews, kudos, awards and encouragement to keep trying until I got it right. AND especially, this is my big hearted Valentine to Sess and Rin themselves, who really deserve it after all I've put them through in my other stories. W00T! I'm so happy! Disclaimer: Sesshoumaru, Rin and other InuYasha references are not mine, but belong to their creator, Rumiko Takahashi who has my undying gratitude for creating them in the first place. Thanks to Fenikkusuken for her perspective and edits on the first draft and to all my friends at InuErotica who debated the finer points of youkai/human attraction, perversion, risk and potential with me, their conversation really helped me sharpen a lot of the emotional tapestry in this little lemon.

 

 

Wish

 

Wishes lie unmoving our hearts.

Made or unmade, they drift as

threads of thought - or

filaments of dream.

 

Until the answering wishes of the other

reach across the emptiness

to savor our potential - and

breathe the dream alive.

 

When wishes become dreams,

anything is possible.

 

Rin waited at the base of a large tree, alone. The forest twittered and chirped around her as a light Spring breeze nudged at the leaves over her head and small creatures foraged beneath a bush near her feet, oblivious to her presence. Sunlight burned through the canopy in small spots to dapple the soft soil and moss which blanketed the ground between the trees, painting a peaceful backdrop to the nervous tremors shaking her hands and forcing her to quiet them with an act of will. I wish…

 

His message had been to leave her guard at the edge of the forest and wait for him within. Allowing herself to acknowledge the supreme honor he paid her with this invitation, her body literally vibrated with excitement, and yet she felt fear. She was not afraid, but fear lurked nearby nonetheless.

 

She had known him always, learned to be in his company no matter what his mood, hurt for him, hated him… loved him. The hardest thing she had ever done was to leave him to live among humans and the memory burned in her still.

 

“I have arranged for you to take up residence in the Daimyo's court,” he had said to her on the new moon after her first bleeding. He'd looked away from her, his cold, hard eyes focused on a distant thing. “Where you may grow up among your own kind.” Usually, she could read those eyes, could tell what he was thinking. But not that time. Not when those words came from his lips.

 

“Is this what you want me to do?” Her petulant child's question, coming from a maturing girl's mouth, still tasted sour.

 

“You may do as you wish.” He'd said what he always said when she asked him a question of this sort. Always before, she had done what she pleased because she sensed that it also pleased him, but this time was different. She could not tell what pleased him, and so she had said the unforgivable.

 

“But I want to know what you wish, Sesshoumaru-sama!”

 

He held the same inscrutable countenance about him, refusing to look at her or acknowledge her question and she had become angry, almost speaking again, until Jaken caught her eye and looked away. Then she knew that he did not want her to stay. So she had come to live among the humans, voluntarily abandoning herself to the very beings who had abused her childhood.

 

He visited, generally on the pretense of military discussions with the Daimyo and his advisors. Quickly she grew out of her anger at him, reminding herself of the huge debt of gratitude she owed him for saving her young life so many times. And he made it easy to forgive him, for he always had a word for her and sometimes a small gift. He said they were from Jaken, but he gave them to her with care, watching for her reaction and she suspected that as always, Jaken and his lord worked in concert to meet his desires. Before she was twelve the human men had all refused to court her, afraid that they would offend the `demon.' And so in the long years of her life in the company of humans she had grown into womanhood alone, was given a special place in court, was taught to entertain noble men and was allowed to `translate' for him when he called, helping the humans understand his strange ways and helping him interpret the shades and nuance of human speech and custom.

 

He had been the center of her world for so long that even when he was not present she was thinking on how to serve him, working on the Daimyo and other lords in small ways between his visits, encouraging them to accept things that would benefit him. They knew what she did, but they also knew it benefited them and so she earned herself a trusted role at court. After a time, he began to recognize the service she did him and invited her to attend him personally before and after their meetings with the Daimyo. Slowly - as she shared with him what had happened in his absence and he instructed her on what to watch for after he left - they developed an unspoken but binding partnership, securing his political alliances and ensuring his undisputed reign over his father's dominion, deepening the very roots of his power.

 

While her fantasies had blossomed when she began aiding him in this way, it soon became clear that her girlhood dreams had been only that, unrealistic illusions of an intimacy that was beyond her reach. His icy reserve did not change just because he allowed her to attend him and over time they had fallen into a comfortable but distant routine, their interests bound tightly to one another even as they remained forever apart, untouched and untouching even when they shared the same space. After many years, Rin had resigned herself to her life alone, living among the women, attending and entertaining the men and conferring with him for a few brief moments every few months. In the late nights when she could not sleep, wanting the dreams that never came, she knew in her heart that the life she imagined would remain unlived, and she gave up on her wishes for happiness in his arms.

 

Until now.

 

Her hands shook slightly again and she looked down on her finger, on the simple slice in her skin that had brought him to her. The wound, a jagged pink line still tender to the touch, stretched over the top of her knuckle as she clenched her hand to view it more clearly. He had noticed it upon his arrival at the castle, still fresh from her slip with the knife; his nostrils flared at the scent of her blood, and two days later as she attended him prior to his leaving, he had expressed concern that it had not healed. She did not heal as quickly as she once had, she told him, a normal sign that her body aged. This had seemed to unnerve him, the skin around the scarred crescent moon on his brow tensing at her words, and he had reached for her hand, his long white hair catching on his sleeve to fan out between them as he pulled her in, examining her hand as though to test her words. As their skin had touched and their bodies entered the sphere of each other's warmth for the first time since she had been a child, a shift in the air had sent her heart racing and tendrils of their hair lifted around them both on the strength of his aroused energy.

 

A new intimacy they couldn't have shared when she was young had suddenly blossomed between them at that moment, an unspoken and unrecognized promise hovering in the moments of silence that passed while they had looked into each others' eyes, until his simple words released her dreams. His hand had been like fire on her cheek when he touched her lightly and asked, Will you come to me?

 

May I?

 

You may do as you wish.

 

Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama. I wish it.

 

After he had left, she found it difficult to absorb his words, to believe that he truly wanted her - all of her. She found herself doubting that she had read his intent correctly, had really understood what it was he wished in that brief exchange, so charged with her own desires. Her fears grew in the days before her coming here, to this forest to wait for him. So many years of wishing, dreaming and disappointment had led to this moment and even if she had been right to read in him the wish for her body, so many more fears laid ahead. She knew from the women's whispers that human men were strong and often rough with their women; the bruises could not be hidden in the bathhouse. But he was not human, possessed of the strength of ten men or more. Childhood memories told her that while he could be gentle with effort, even his casual strength was beyond human imagination. As it did whenever she thought on their differing natures, the slightest bit of fear crept into her heart, settling alongside nervous excitement. But her true fears ran deeper than his strength, to the mysteries of the Meidou as it worked on the lives of women and the children they bore out of their union with men.

 

Women who became pregnant, died frequently and in pain. The tears she'd cried for her friend Sayuri still brimmed near the surface of her memory. Sayuri had been her best friend, the first who comforted her when she'd come to live among humans. Sayuri had been so quick to smile in the privacy of the girls' chambers, so willing to speak encouraging words, so eager to give comfort when Rin would sob out her loneliness… so full of life... Until the horrible days Rin waited with her as the sun and the moon cruelly stretched time, wandering the sky aimlessly as if to draw out the pain, waiting for Sayuri's body to kill itself in the throws of childbirth. She'd watched Sayuri struggle against the agony and the wrenching screams that had ripped them all apart, only to see the light fade from her completely. She hadn't dared asked Sayuri if it was worth it. She knew what the girl's answer would have been, because Sayuri had had no choice; and Sayuri had born a human child…

 

But Rin did have a choice. He had given her that choice.

 

And when she thought on the risk she took on this day, she imagined herself carrying Sesshoumaru's child and a warmth spread through her middle up to her heart, giving her strength against the fear… and she remembered that InuYasha's mother had survived a hanyou birth… briefly…

 

Suddenly, the fear became a skitterish thing, fluttering her hands as it beat its wings against the inside of her heart. Even as it filled her with a dread that made her wish to run, she locked herself in place; having made her openhearted promise, she would not refuse him. She could never refuse him… if this had truly been his wish…

 

As the moments floated by, her fear and her promise clinging to each other for company, she began to wonder how he would find her; and then she realized that he would have to hunt her, tracking her scent as he might any prey, following his hunger to where she waited. This excited her and increased her apprehension. She imagined him coming for her hungry and even as it stirred her disquiet, it stirred something else, something deep and primal below her belly.

 

No sound or scent presaged his arrival. He simply… was.

 

He said nothing, bending as she stood and scooping his arm around her as they rose into the air, cradled in his power - just as it had been when she was a child, though now she filled his embrace - and he carried her silently through the trees. She clung to him so that she did not fall off the cloud of his wind as they floated, drifting alongside a raven hanging noiselessly on the same air currents between the tall trees burrowing their roots deep into the earth. Her heart beat against the heat of his body as it seeped through the fabrics separating them, his armor and her traveling robes. She looked at his face above her, his strong jaw and otherwordly eyes fixed ahead, and the heat between them turned into a fire that raged outside the bounds of their passive expressions and polite silence. She felt it from him, in his grip around her shoulder, in his body pressed hard against her, in the small flaring of his nostrils as he took in her scent. Her head spun giddily at first, surprised at the feelings' intensity, until she recognized it as something she'd never felt from a man before the time that he had touched her - desire. Pure and needful, it rose off him and surrounded her like an unseen aura. Her own desire responded, flooding into her with a force for which she was not prepared. The want and need between them sped her blood and warmed her from inside and an ache spread up from between her legs, a slow and strong contraction of muscles that she'd never felt before and it filled her with excitement.

 

Sesshoumaru looked down on the face of the human woman whose very existence had come to represent a paradox in his own life. Her kindnesses, at first a curiosity, had become the key to helping him come into his greatest power, the power of the Meidou; for without her childish tug on his heart, he could never have learned the depth of feeling necessary to unlock its great powers. He projected to his allies that the Meidou was his only tie to her, but deep inside he had come to believe that he would have included her in his limited circle of confidants even if she had never fallen into that pit of hell. Through her years of loyalty and devotion, using her skills in the human world to help him gain his power over the land itself, she had earned his respect and his continued curiosity as he mused on how a mere human female could intrigue him so. His musings on her had turned into in-depth contemplations when he began to comprehend that he enjoyed her company and felt empty when he was away from her.

 

During his visits to the Daimyo in recent years, Rin had ensured that the discussions went smoothly, handling both youkai and human concerns deftly and with diplomatic skill. She was his emissary in the human web of personalities and intrigue, and she had seen that his every need was met for rest or for sustenance. Always they would sit together on the evening of his departure while she played lightly on the biwa, allowing conversation and silence to weave together a calming tapestry between them, soothing him. They had talked on many things until one day he found himself telling her things, things he had not realized he knew - about the world and about himself. In this way, he'd become aware that she had earned a thing from him few others ever had, his trust. Over time, in many small ways, she had drawn him in; as she never could have as a child, she now captivated him as a man, serving him with elegance and grace which he had never experienced in the company of a female youkai. Her presence in his life had become like a lovely flower of a species never before seen and he found it exquisite, beautiful to look upon and refreshing to be with.

 

Through the short years since she'd been in the company of humans he'd watched as her body matured from an entertaining curiosity to a flowing act of beauty. Without a true spell of magic, without becoming consciously aware of his entrancement, he realized only after it had happened that in his fascination with her every word and movement he had willingly become vulnerable to her furtive glances and gentle graces. For years, he had resisted this urge to succumb to her, her attractions challenging his very identity as the youkai lord who would overcome the mistakes of his father and reassert the family honor. But each visit with her made her presence more irresistible to him as it had taken root in his mind, wound around his heart and seated itself in his groin until finally he had understood the yearning need his father and brother shared for a human woman's body and a way to express more fully the feelings she had stirred in his heart.

 

Once he had acknowledged his need for her, had admitted to himself that she was worth risking the ire of his allies and the glee of his enemies… then he longed for her, imagined taking her pressed against him, dreamed about her beneath him. It made him angry that he could not control this need, and yet it made him feel alive in a way that centuries of life never had. He'd accepted it, begun to enjoy it and even savor the want, until he'd realized in the slight slowing of her movements, the small creases at her lips and the corners of her eyes, that her life was flitting away from him, her body aging as his never would. During his last visit, he'd seen it in the cut on her finger that would not heal - his time with her was disappearing.

 

And as he flew along a knife's edge of decision, ready to compromise values he'd never questioned until recently, it came to him that she was more than a beautiful object to support and calm him. Holding her tight to his chest, feeing her arms around him, he understood that he embraced someone uniquely precious to him, the only being who wanted nothing from him but who he was, a protector, a companion… and now, after these brief touches had confirmed it, a man.

 

The raven broke off and he took them closer to the ground, coming to a tiny clearing where the trees hung back away from a rocky wall. A small stone outcrop made a ledge above the ground and he sat her on it, leaning his weight against her so that her knees pressed to one side, caught in the tight wrap of her kimonos. The tails of his armor were hard on the outside of her thigh.

 

He smelled her fear, tangled in another scent that sent an involuntary wave through his body, beginning to tighten it, coil him... “Rin. You are afraid...” He said it as an accusation, asking her if her mind had changed.

 

“Of the unknown,” she whispered, chastising herself for sounding so small, but both the words and the smallness carried truth. His eyes did not change, but looked into her, and his hand, which remained gripping her shoulder, slid up her neck to cup her head, tilting it to his so that he could see more deeply into her eyes, through her to the child-grown up-living inside.

 

“And I...” The words slipped out before he could catch them, carrying his own truth, telling her he'd accepted the risk she brought to his life as well.

 

Her heart thumped. She felt his heat and his reserve battling within him, saw conflict in his lack of movement. Looking at the need in his eyes and feeling the tension in his body, she understood. In coming here, he had lost a war with himself. Bitter words about his father's weakness in taking a human woman returned to her from recesses of memory. He had labeled InuYasha's mother `our father's mortal weakness,' labeled the strange miko `InuYasha's downfall.' And now she understood that he wondered… would she be his vulnerability?

 

They looked into each other's eyes, seeing there the potential for all that was life and all that was the end of the lives they had led to that point; it was a large feeling, full and complete, as though all the world existed in them now, wanting to move and to live in their union but exacting a price in return, requiring them to risk all to be together. The feeling grew until it felt too big for her heart and, uncertain what to do, Rin stared into his eyes, becoming lost in them as one small tear brimmed at her lid. It is too much…

 

“Why do you cry?” His eyes moved to the small bit of salty liquid gathering and he sniffed lightly, scenting it.

 

The real answer sounded stupid even to her. I'm not enough for this…She took a deep breath and blinked back her tears, remembering who she was and why she was here.

 

“Sentiment,” she said quietly. A slight tensing of the muscles around his eyes told her he understood the word, but not the meaning. “Just a human thing, I suppose.” She said with defeat in her voice and glanced down to stare at the crimson red tassel hanging from his armor, remembering how she had played with it as a child and feeling all the more foolish for the excitement now running through her.

 

“It is not sentiment that draws me,” he said, tensing the grip slightly behind her neck, causing her to look at his face again. “When you are not with me, I am as a circle not closed. I am not whole.” These words had never passed his lips and yet they were true. Wholeness was now something he understood, but only by virtue of knowing its absence, and it was not something he intended to release from his grasp now that he had found it.

 

Not whole… The choice for a whole life, one full of him, swelled in her heart and she saw it reflected in his eyes and felt it as his warrior's instincts, always scanning behind and around him, dropped away to allow all his energy to focus fully forward, on her, leaving him willingly vulnerable to forces outside - and to her, inside his heart. At that moment she knew she had power over him, the power to hurt him if she pushed him away. But she did not wish to push him away.

 

He pressed himself towards her and his eyes fell to her lips, wanting to close the circle, drawn by the wholeness; blood rushed into her cheeks and her whole body warmed with a force building inside her, responding to his glance. She knew that he wanted her taste as his lips parted slightly in anticipation of her. When he bent towards her and she rose to meet him, an ancient thrum guided her motion, familiar and yet fresh, and the brazenness of her arms encircling his neck became lost in the fall of his white-silver hair shielding the touch of their mouths from the trees and rocks surrounding them. The first kiss was almost gentle, his lips surprisingly soft even as she felt the hard fangs lurking just below their surface. Small trepidations fluttered in her excitement, stirred by the knowledge of her power over him in this moment. As though giving into this reality, he exhaled deeply and came down on her again, harder, his mouth moving now, feeling the softness of her with his lips as they opened and closed against her, his kisses becoming slower and more forceful.

 

The women in the bathhouse had all imagined that true love would be delicate and soft, but the force of his desire meeting hers left no room for delicacy and she knew that to satisfy his craving and sate her own would require giving in to the lust moving through them both. To be whole again… Abandoning her childhood dream of light touches and soft sighs, she tightened her own grip behind his neck and pulled him into a deeper kiss, opening her lips to explore his taste and the smooth, slick texture of his mouth as his tongue slid in against hers. A growl built in his chest, but unlike the fearsome noise of anger she remembered, this sound threatened to undo her with want and she found her hands trembling again as her blood sped in her veins on a rampant journey to carry her away, into him and along with his excitement as it moved his hand over her back, drawing her in. Despite their shaky movements, her fingers were adept at exploring his armor, searching for the clasps hiding under his hair that she'd played with when she'd had childish hands, grasping them now with a woman's strength and pulling so that they began to fall away.

 

He moved back just enough to let her loosen the bulky protection and then reached up to his shoulder to release the last tie and lift it away, revealing the hidden white silk wrapping his lean body. He seemed unaware and uninterested in his armor as he dropped it on the ground, his eyes never leaving her and following the thin stripes of her collars, the white, coral and green lines that fell down her neckline to where her breasts pressed beneath the fabric, straining against the bondage of her kimonos and kosode. As they fell upon her breasts his eyes changed, narrowing as though to look past the cloth and then widening with appreciation as he eschewed the furtiveness of his earlier glances and simply followed the hinted-at curves of her body beneath her clothing. Still watching her neck in more and more open fascination, he lifted his hand carefully and slipped a clawed finger into a small opening between her skin and the fabric, pulling at the silk gently until the smooth back of his nail overcame the hard nub of her collar bone and then slid quietly down the skin of her chest. When his finger encountered the barrier where the material crossed, he pulled harder, testing the strength of the complicated folds across and around her body. Her clothing loosened slightly, but not enough to expose her to him. Watching his eyes carefully, Rin startled as she detected a hint of playfulness in him, as though he was teasing himself with this slight revelation of skin as he looked upon her for the first time with a lover's eyes. The smallest ghost of a smile twitched his lips and was gone, leaving in its wake a suggestion of hunger. She felt a hardness growing against her thigh where he leaned into her and she allowed a responding hint of a smile to curve one corner of her mouth in reply.

 

His hand on her shoulder pushed her back into the hard stone and his mouth was on her again, devouring her as she curled her arms under his shoulders to grip him and hold him there. Breathing deeply, he broke the kiss and commanded, “Loosen your robes.” She obeyed, finding a moment to be thankful that he respected her hard-earned clothing and opted not to dishonor her by tearing and ripping at it awkwardly with his clawed hand. With excitement guiding her fingers, having imagined this opportunity many times before, she found the first tie in her obi and deftly released it. As she worked the silken wrap, his fingers explored the pins holding her hair in a simple coil. “May I release them?” he asked, the politeness of his whisper belied by the slight tremor in his voice, telling her he wanted her to say yes.

 

“As you wish.” She glanced up apprehensively, worried that she might feel she was mocking him, but he had not noticed her use of his phrase. His eyes were intent as he removed the final constraining pin, allowing her dark locks to spill over the shoulders of her kimono. His hand disappeared behind her neck immediately, filtering his long claws through the smooth strands of black, allowing their silk to tickle the skin between his fingers. Smiling to herself, she finished unwinding the soft jade-colored obi and loosely folded it, dropping it to the ground As she began to unbind the first tie of her kimono, he stilled her with his hand, finding the small cloth twists himself and undoing them so that he was able to pull away the first layer of heavy fabric. Mesmerized by the soft curve of her breast as it was revealed to him, he moved his hand over it and felt her stiffen in surprise. Undeterred, he untied the next two layers, the last one revealing the hint of a nipple which built his anticipation as only a thin veil of cotton floated above her skin, allowing the creamy tan of her body to show through.

 

Never had Sesshoumaru denied himself that which he wanted once he had decided to take it. And though he did not plan to do so now, having decided to take Rin and accepting her decision in return, a new feeling played in him, he recognized a new impulse, a desire to savor her while he took her, explore and examine this unique creature he had allowed into the intimacy of his life. If he were truly stepping off a mortal precipice, beginning a fall down to his own destruction, he was determined to experience the journey, take all that he could from it and leave no regret when the bottom came at him. As she allowed him to unwrap her like a long awaited treasure, he'd begun to sense that, as with all things female, there were many things of Rin to savor and as many ways to enjoy them. If long life had taught him anything it was that pleasure and new experience were gifts too rare and fragile to squander in a rush.

 

The slight protrusion in the fabric over her breast looked to him now as a morsel, a taste to be explored carefully in all its various states. Moving his hand slowly, he let it slide smoothly down the length of her neck as she stretched under his touch, pushing herself into his fingers as the pads under his claws pressed gently against the hardening flesh hidden beneath the cloth. Her breast became lost in his hand as he experimented with its shape, the warmth of her skin held in the cloth between them. Her own hand rose to his chest, resting lightly below his shoulder and heating the desire simmering from their contact.

 

He pulled the fabric away finally, to reveal the perfect expanse of her chest, and the sight of her brought a quickening into him, the weight of her breast in his hand and the hardness of her nipple under his thumb stirring a turmoil in his groin which was familiar, yet fresh. He leaned in again, bringing his mouth to hers and this kiss was deeper and more passionate as her body writhed under his touch, his hand still on her breast and her arms around his neck. As he probed her mouth eagerly, he pressed too hard into the soft flesh of her lips and immediately stopped moving, horrified at the taste of her blood in his mouth. Drawing blood from the female was not unusual or unexpected in his experience, except that he hadn't even begun to leverage his strength on her, hadn't begun to give in to the need that would drive him. Restraining himself and licking the wound he'd given her, he kissed her more gently. His heart pounded with an unexpected fear as the realization washed over him of how fragile her body was beneath his claws, how delicate and vulnerable she was, and how easy it would be for him to hurt or kill her inadvertently in the throes of his own selfish passion. Her tongue moved along his fangs, as though inviting him to continue, fearlessly telling him that he had her trust. Though his mind might have resisted, might have begun to withdraw from this risk-laden act, his body responded with a soft moan, drawing him beyond his fear. I will control myself…it is the price of her.

 

She responded to the gentling of his kiss by dropping her hands to the tie of his hakama, causing adrenaline to shoot through his heart as her hands lightly bumped his erection which pressed up, wanting to be released from its cloth prison. Still fearing for her once he'd begun to engage himself fully, he resolved to continue the savoring of her, to resist the animal instincts that sought to move through him with such force. With determination, he moved his hips away and drew his tongue down along her jaw, pressing his mouth against the soft space beneath her ear and inhaling the floral scents of her hair. As the air passed her ear and he breathed her into him she gasped and her breast firmed beneath his touch. He realized her small human ear was sensitive so he explored it, tasting the strange round angles of it with his tongue and breathing deliberately in and out over it, reveling in her moans and the feel of her hands as they moved more quickly over his shoulders. Soon he followed along the angle of her neck, feeling her vein pulse beneath his lips as he laid kisses on her soft skin, the hard ridge of her small collar bone and finally the smooth expanse above her breast. The contours of her chest called out his need again as his tongue emerged to circle her nipple in widening arcs until he sucked on it between his teeth, his mouth hungrily taking her into him, though careful not to draw blood. To his surprise and pleasure, the softer motions he made on her pleased her and brought forth from her lips small noises of pleasure that excited him.

 

Her hands could not stop moving, his lips and tongue over her body stirring new feelings to rush through her and old feelings to live again. She forgot to be light and delicate as she had been taught to be in the presence of men and her fingers rubbed against the silks hiding him from her, pushed him away, pulled him to her … and he responded, moving over her skin with more urgency, his breathing becoming deeper. Her knees were still held tightly by the wrap at the bottom of her kimono and after a few moments, she felt his hand exploring the fabric as it crossed at her waist, even as his tongue continued its sweeps over her breasts. Fear and anticipation shot through her again at the feel of his fingers above her thighs, seeking a way in. For one brief second it occurred to her to stop, but the wash of sensation and her earlier decision to accept this beautiful creature fully reasserted itself and she dropped her hands from his hair and found the ties herself, opening her robes to reveal herself to him completely.

 

Sesshoumaru caught the enhanced scent of her the moment she pulled the cloth away and it brought an involuntary groan into his throat, which he stilled, savoring the urge itself and knowing that his desire to control such responses would be short-lived. Unlike youkai females, Rin's scent was softer, milder, and yet no less arousing. He stilled his tongue briefly, rising a bit to taste her on the heated air between them and to memorize the scent of her arousal, the smell of her need for him. Keeping his head lowered so that she would not see, he allowed a true smile to bend the corner of his mouth, a recognition to himself that the risk he took pleased him deeply. Her scent brought imaginings to his mind, of her body underneath him, of her cries as he drove himself into her, of his release.... He savored the special scent as it flowed in and out of his nose and lungs, recognizing it as a rare and treasured flavor on the air, knowing he wished to taste it. And as he bent his head down, steadying himself with his hand against the rock behind her, her hands slipped up behind his ears, guiding him down and caressing his scalp. He almost removed her hand, afraid she might not realize how sensitive the flesh of his ears could be, but her fingers moving lightly over their tips told him that somehow she did know.

 

Kneeling, he relaxed slightly and returned his attention to the scent that continued to draw him in. Its source was hidden, trapped in the press of her thighs, still draped in her robes. Deliberately slowing his movements, refusing to allow his hand to rip at the fabric, he inserted his fingers carefully between the soft folds of material and found the space between her knees, carefully but forcefully signaling her to part them so that his hand could enter. He pushed firmly against the inside of her knee as she opened for him, gently pressing into the soft flesh of her inner thigh with the flat of his hand to reveal a most mysterious dark thatch of curls. So small was the space between her legs, yet fitted to her slight frame precisely, that his first thought was another fear, that she would be too small to accept him without pain, but the sight of her combined with the scent of her crashed together in his brain in a powerful surge, driving the worry from his mind and drawing him in with irresistible force.

 

Following his nose to the female mystery, similar enough to youkai women he'd known and yet wholly different, he anticipated her taste as his lips opened to breathe her across his tongue. Licking slowly against the skin of her thigh, he followed its line up to the soft hair and softer flesh beneath; his curiosity was piqued by the tension of her leg against his fingers as she unconsciously tightened in nervousness. Resolving not to let her nervousness deny him, he increased the pressure of his hand, keeping her open so that he could taste her finally. Her quick inhale and needy whimper caused him to smile again, the evidence of his satisfaction lost among her moans as her head rolled against the rock at her back.

 

Rin thought her heart would explode from excitement as she felt him move along her thigh and then touch her lightly with his tongue. Though she had experimented with herself often enough, and knew how her body reacted to such stimulation, it was a completely different experience to be touched in such a way by him, in the wilds of the forest where the fresh air brushed over her skin, heightening every sensation and wicking away the heat of her body as it built under his touch. She found herself moaning and sighing as he moved slowly, experimenting with her reactions, and as he found the spots and motions that brought more and more uninhibited noises from her, causing her to squirm against the jagged earth at her back, her fears were gone in a wash of sensation as her muscles clenched and contracted with new strength, beginning to tense with a desire and need that was new. Her excitement built so quickly and strongly that she surprised them both with a small cry as her body seized and tremored under the pressure of his tongue. Gasping and needing him to stop moving on her suddenly oversensitive flesh, her fingers unconsciously found his head and, though she might not have had the courage under normal circumstances, found their way into his silky hair to grip his scalp and lift him up. Looking down on him, her heart raced again, for what she saw in his face now was a deep emotion, bare and obvious with unbridled need simmering in his expression, his eyes molten and his lips glistening with traces of her.

 

He rose up over her, coming to her mouth again and his kiss was deep and hungry. She responded by wrapping her arms around him and pressing herself into his body, still clothed in soft white silks; she moved forward on the ledge to wrap her legs behind his so that his hard length pressed into her stomach, filling her with nervous anticipation again. She felt his heart beat against her chest and the press of his sex responded to her warmth as she lifted her arms around his shoulders once again and pulled him to her mouth, her whole body now pulsing with the kiss of their tongues and the urgent motions of their lips over one another. She could tell from the small sounds in his throat and the hardness of his muscles under his clothes that he was restraining himself.

 

Remembering how quickly he'd stopped their earlier kiss when cutting her with his teeth, she guessed that his concern for her held him back. This realization, and the care it implied spread a new surge of love in her heart and she was awash with the need to give him pleasure in return, to serve him in this new way.

 

Sesshoumaru accepted her embrace but tensed his entire body, holding it back from its natural desire to throw her roughly to the ground and plunge deep into her, pumping his need into her and snarling his hungry mouth over her neck as he would normally do when aroused to this state by a female. The stilling of his hips caused a new surge of blood into the length of his arousal, pulling a small growl from him anyway and he allowed the hunger to move his tongue more deeply into her mouth, holding the back of her head so that their lips could not part as he kissed her more forcefully. His body groaned against the constraints he placed on it and he realized with a small stab of anxiety that he was only moments away from taking her to the ground anyway, having allowed himself to reach this state, having given himself permission to take this risk… his hips moved against her softness in a slow but strong surge, foreshadowing the movements that lurked within. At that moment, her hands came down from around the back of his shoulders and found the ties of his kosode.

 

Surprised at her boldness, he lifted away from her mouth and breathed deeply while watching her fingers release the small bits of cloth that held the shirt around him. He watched her eyes grow wide as she held the fabric back away from his skin and looked on the tight, hard lines of his torso. As she pushed the silk over his shoulders, he helped it fall to the ground with a shrug and watched her fingers move delicately over the wounded stump of his arm, long healed. His body still hard with desire for her, he stilled himself now for another reason, because she wanted to touch him, because her fingers traced his skin as though feeling not just his flesh but the bones and muscles and blood that moved beneath it, as though feeling who he was.

 

As he allowed her to touch him, brushing her soft fingers over him and over the small circles of darker skin on his breast, his breath caught in his throat as he encountered a resistance he hadn't known was there. Her movements over him promised to call involuntary responses from his body and he knew a new fear, a new way of losing control over himself. As her tongue came out in a tight sweep around his nipple, causing it to harden and a noise to build in his chest, he recognized that his body was crying to relax into her movements, wanting him to allow her tongue and fingers to manipulate him and stimulate new sensations in him. His body wanted him to trust her and with an impulsive decision, one he never would have allowed himself to make with a more powerful youkai woman, he relaxed into this desire. With a sigh, he granted her the power to please him.

 

Rin concentrated on the muscles of his torso, amazed that so much strength lived in such spare flesh; she traced her fingers up the muscles of his chest, following an uneven path over and along the ridges and curved planes of him. One quick intake of breath was the only sign that her touch affected him until her fingers reached the darker nub of flesh on his breast, circling it out of curiosity, she was pleased to hear an almost inaudible moan and looked up to see his eyes closed in concentration, his face displaying a new vulnerability, even though his brow tightened as though with indecision. It pleased her to see his trust so openly and it gave her courage. Reaching around to touch his back lightly, she pulled her mouth to his nipple, extending her tongue experimentally and using its tip to circle the soft skin and then flick over its growing hardness. A slightly louder vibration in his chest told her to continue and she held it between her teeth, sucking it a bit more between her lips. Moving to the other one, she repeated the gesture, noting with satisfaction when she glanced up that the tension had left his brow and his face had relaxed into the sensations she caused as her hands and tongue moved over him.

 

Becoming brave, Rin breathed warm air against the skin of his stomach, skimming his fine, unseen hair with her nose in slow sweeps across him, and brought her hands to the tie at his waist. Her heart pounded with anticipation and nervousness, unsure whether a youkai's manhood would be similar to what she had spied in the bathhouse among the human men and wondering if he would allow her to touch him and explore. As she untied the material, his hand moved around the back of her head again and he gently moved his thumb through her hair; she smiled to herself as her fingers released the binding, knowing that she had his permission to continue.

 

As his hakama fell down off his narrow hips, Rin's eyes widened involuntarily at the sight of his fully aroused penis, like a human's but larger and in proportion to his taller frame. Encouraged by his hand still gently stroking her head, she moved her fingers over him lightly, tracing its arc up towards his navel and feeling skin so soft that she continued to move her fingers out of sheer amazement that such a hard and strong body would have such fine flesh, like velvet or silk, hidden here at his source of pleasure. And as her fingers explored him, she saw the muscles of his stomach tighten and felt him pulse in her hand, responding to her motions. Still wanting to please him, she experimented with a stronger grip and was pleased to hear another involuntary sound in his throat.

 

“Yes,” he hissed, encouraging her more, and she obeyed, tightening her hold on him and pulling on him until a full groan had escaped his lips and a small amount of moisture appeared at the tip. From her friends in the women's quarters, she knew that this meant his excitement had reached a new level and remembering the pleasure he'd brought her, she resolved to continue to please him. Leaning forward, and sliding one hand up the flat of his thigh and hip, spreading her fingers over the hard swell of his muscled rear while she held the evidence of his excitement in her other hand, she pulled him towards her mouth and slipped out her tongue to slide lightly into the slit at its tip, tasting the salty wet drop and pulling it into her mouth to mix with her saliva as she brought her lips in to kiss the darkened skin of his head. Opening her lips again so that her tongue and the inside of her lips could slide over him, she wrung a loud noise from him, something between a growl and a snarl, as his muscles tightened under her hand and his fingers stiffened behind her head, containing the energy of his arousal. She continued to move her mouth over him, marveling at how such soft skin could feel so hard against her lips and tongue.

 

Soon his breathing had become so heavy, the twitches of his muscles and fingers on her head so jerky and his noises so involuntary, she grew worried that perhaps she was hurting him somehow. Lifting her mouth from him and looking up into his face, Rin was surprised to see that his eyes were unfocused, his mouth open as he took in deep breaths, and that he appeared distracted in a way she'd never seen before, having given himself over to the sensations she caused in him. He blinked, coming back to himself and his mouth and eyes hardened, seeing that she had noticed his loss of control. Reaching down, he wrapped his arm around her back and lifted her off the ledge so that she stood next to him and he held her to him, their warm skin meeting along the length of their bodies. She felt his heart beat against her cheek as he lowered his mouth to speak into her hair.

 

“I… do not wish to hurt you,” he said, his voice ragged and with enough hesitation so that she knew he was genuinely disturbed by the possibility that she herself had feared earlier. But their gentle exploration of each other had made her brave and given her courage.

 

“Then let me please you,” she said as she swept her arms up his back to encircle his neck and she lifted her face to meet his, opening her mouth against his kiss and pressing her breasts into his torso and her hips into his thighs, seeking to touch him everywhere possible at once. His arm held them together and he stiffened into her stomach, signaling his body's complicity. Even as her hands moved over him and she began nervously, forming a plan from the scores of giggling conversations she'd listened in on over the years, Rin's heart beat with new nervousness, knowing that each touch she gave him now and each part of herself she opened to him took her to the place her fears lived, brought with them the risk of pain and death. Hearing his small gasp as her hands skimmed the sides of his shaft again, feeling the shudder it sent through him, she remembered the risks he took as well with their union, recognized the power she'd given her this day and all her hesitation washed away in the knowledge that they took these risks together. Gently, she pressed on his shoulders, encouraging him to lie on the ground beneath her. She drew a quivering breath, confident in her ability to attune herself to his needs and yet knowing that she was inexperienced in what she planned. She resolved to focus herself on his every reaction, every movement and every noise, extending her senses as she would while playing the biwa, coaxing it and drawing from it everything it had to give.

 

His gut a broiling mass of excitement and confusion, Sesshoumaru allowed her to push him to the ground, relaxed his weight underneath the press of her hands on his chest, let go his grip on her so that she could settle herself over his legs, returning her mouth and hands to pleasuring him while he lay beneath her, passive and unmoving. This had never happened to him before, this relaxation under the stimulating movements of a woman's touch. Always before there had been a brief struggle for dominance, the youkai female's excitement spiking under his grip when she could not move without wrenching herself against his claws and fangs. Always before his body's insatiable need to move had carried them both along, building their excitement until he exploded inside her as her body shuddered under him. Never had he lain beneath a woman. Never had he trusted another's touch to stimulate him to this extent - to the point where he began to lose himself.

 

But now he willingly lay down beneath Rin, enjoying her touch and the warmth and slickness of her tongue on him, enjoying the trust he placed in her and she accepted so willingly, and he felt a new kind of excitement move through him as he fought to still his limbs and simply be excited. As her motions became more aggressive, responding to the groans he was soon incapable of containing, it came to him that this was another way of savoring her, of experiencing her as she gave him her love. And as this thought wound its way through the tangle of his body's twitches and small, impossible-to-stop flinches, as his breath came more quickly and his blood rushed heatedly through his veins, as he began to recognize the intensity of his excitement building faster precisely because he couldn't move his whole body - he experienced yet another new emotion, a calming in his heart which was a distinct counterpoint to the frenzy building in his blood. While he groaned under her weight, rocking slightly against the prison of her legs, he drove his claws into the earth to ground his arm and brace himself so as not to wildly hurl her off him. As his body responded to her attentions, so barely under his control by this point, this softer feeling wound deeply into his heart, not unlike the compassion he'd felt for her before; but this feeling was different, not distant and benevolent but intimate and organic, carnal and hungry, calling his whole being, his body and mind and soul, to come together and feel something wholly new… demonstrating to him for the first time in his life what it felt like… to be loved.

 

He felt the telltale pulses at his base, warning him that what little restraint he had would soon be lost, and suddenly he was uncomfortable in the realization that she had brought him to this state by manipulating his body as he lay beneath her, and yet he also felt gratitude for her selfless gift of pleasure. In the confusion of his gratitude and building ecstasy, Sesshoumaru impulsively decided to kiss her, sparing them both the embarrassment of his loss of control, and so he reached down to draw her off him, up to where their mouths could meet. But she surprised him again by moving quickly up his body to meet his lips while at the same time settling herself over him, driving herself with a small sound of pain down over his shaft so that he coiled his knees involuntarily behind her back, exhaling his astonishment and opening his eyes to see her smiling face above him framed by her silken dark hair. Utterly taken aback by her command of the situation, his body responded and began to move against her and inside her, trying to meet the rhythm she played over him as she moved up and down over his length, his hand freed of the earth and roving her breasts and stomach within the sheltering fall of her kimonos, which trailed down her back and over his legs, protecting them from the cooling afternoon breeze.

 

With her enthusiastic movements over him, Sesshoumaru gave up trying to maintain any semblance of dominance over either himself or her and began channeling his power into the controlled clenching of his muscles which drove him more deeply into her each time she settled her weight down on him again. He kept his eyes on her, watching the expression of joy curve her mouth as she, in turn, watched his skin flush with excitement, a warm blush spreading across his pale chest and neck. He watched as she gripped his shoulders and then moved her hands to the ground for better leverage as she sped her movements over him. And finally, he closed his eyes and stretched his neck out as his whole body began uncontrollable spasms, pumping himself against her open thighs until she could not match his movements but held herself still above him, suddenly unnerved by the strength with which he heaved his body upward.

 

He stabbed his hand back into the dirt to ground himself and she accepted his pounding up inside her, becoming aware that the pain she felt in her core was mixed with joy she felt in her heart. But soon she grew frightened of his roars and groans beneath her until she felt as though she rode a wild beast into the wilderness and she closed her eyes against the fearsome look of his muscles and tendons as they strained against themselves. Holding herself still above him, she gave herself to him, allowing him to sheathe himself in her harder and more roughly until she felt as though her body would cleave above his assault, until nothing of herself remained except this gift to him. Finally, just as a tear formed at the corner of her eye and whimpering breaths escaped her lips, he came into her and against her, arching his back and digging his heels into the ground with such force that she was lifted fully off the ground and clung to his shoulders with a cry of her own, surprised and pained and so very happy to have brought him such pleasure.

 

At the apex of his orgasm into her, Sesshoumaru held perfectly still, his body rounded off the ground, his muscles taunt and his mouth open with fangs bared to the echoes of his shuddering roar. Small puffs of breath clawed to move in and out of his lungs but he held them trapped inside among a torrid muddle of activity, tiny impulses of energy careening across his nerves and through his blood, moving crazily through the prison of his unmoving form. Slowly, he became aware of Rin, collapsed against his chest and shuddering. Lowering himself, he removed his claws from the soil and wrapped his arm around her, holding her to his beating heart and kissing her hair. His shaft continued to pulse into her and she squirmed a little on top of him, already feeling sore, and wondering if she would be able to stand. He frowned at her small twinges, sniffed gently for signs of blood and found none.

 

“Are you hurt?” He clutched at her, his body returning to himself and his heart racing now out of fear that her limp form clung to him in pain.

 

“No…” she said tentatively. “Perhaps…” Rin was confused and uncomfortable, having been frightened by his strength and noise. He held her calmly now, but the sweat of his exertion still stuck to her skin and his heart still pounded beneath her ear. Only moments ago he had been like a frightening animal caught in a trap beneath her. She feared that she had hurt him somehow, or failed to please him… and she tried to concentrate on the sound of his breath and heartbeat, trying to discern his feelings until her own discomfort began to pull at her, her hips stretched and sore and the delicate skin inside her raw. She had to move or she would begin crying and she knew he would find that abhorrent.

 

He did not know what to say, surprised to feel a growl of anger at himself begin to pull at his throat. He'd promised himself not to hurt her… but he had restrained himself as she willingly gave herself to him, yet she seemed to have been hurt anyway. Before he could decide what to say or do, she rose off him, moving up and over him to lie at his side, his arm underneath her head and the front of her robe draping him as they lay together.

 

“That's better,” she said quietly, sounding more comfortable and he started to relax. They lay silently together for some time. When he did not move or push her away, she became bold again, and looking at the skin of his chest before her, she reached out to touch him, roving her fingers over every part of his body she could reach. He did not resist and she began to move her hands as she would on the biwa, slowly and delicately. He found it soothing and, seeking to return the favor, brought his fingers up to comb her hair, playing his claws against her scalp in gentle harmony to her motions. What had been pain inside her began to ease as the muscles relaxed and she felt the burning turn into a penetrating warmth, unseen by others but known to her and special because he had brought it to her.

 

As the sun set and a true chill fell through the air on them, she spoke, her voice tentative again.

 

“May I come to you again, Sesshoumaru-sama?” Rin's tone was thin and unsteady, still unsure whether he had enjoyed their union.

 

“You may do as you wish, Rin,” his voice was soft and she found it comforting.

 

“I will come to you again,” she murmured, then swallowed, hoping, “if you wish it.” Rin rose on her elbow so that she could look on his face. His lids were lowered to bare slits, yet his eyes were like slivers of sunlight as he focused on her. She saw the same hint of a smile he'd shown her earlier as he'd looked upon her for the first time with a lover's eyes. He recognized the question she asked him and his body, mind and soul came together to answer her. Opening his eyes further so she could see the truth of his words, he spoke.

 

“I wish it, Rin.”

 

The End