InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Inuyasha Funnies ❯ Chapter One ( Chapter 1 )

Inuyasha Funnies

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Disclaimer: Inuyasha is product of Takahashi Rumiko-sama.

This is my sick mind, twisted, perverted mind.

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Inuyasha is standing in front of a tense Sesshoumaru, ready to battle. He reaches to pull out the Tetsusaiga but instead of a sword, the irate hanyou pulls out of the sheath a… dildo. A very long, gooey dildo. Inuyasha's face goes scarlet as Sesshoumaru falls over backwards howling with laughter and holding his ribs in a vain attempt to ease the pain the violent jerks of his shapely abs causes him.

"I honestly don't know where this thing came from!" The flushed hanyou's co-actor continues to laugh just as hard as before if not more so now that his "brother" has attempted a pitiful defense. "Shut up, you fucking asshole!" Inuyasha roars furiously.

Miroku, who has been watching the whole ordeal very interestedly from the safe haven of the sidelines, saunters confidently over to stand in front of Inuyasha. The monk tugs the other actor's left dog ear down to whisper something to him whilst slipping the embarrassed Inuyasha a small slip of paper that appears to have his phone number scribbled messily on it. Inuyasha's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates as he beats the shit out of Miroku… literally. "I don't know what you're talking about! You're sick! I don't own this thing! I've never even-"

"Cut! Fucking cut!"

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It is 1:30 in the morning and everyone is sleeping peacefully in their cozy little trailers… well, everyone but a certain actor who plays a perverted Buddhist monk in a Japanese anime. It seems that Miroku has surreptitiously broken into the trailer that contains all the equipment used to film the show, including the cameras. He sets up one of the afore mentioned thousand-dollar cameras after looking around cautiously to make sure no one will catch him. Miroku then proceeds to pull up his Buddhist monk robes, which he has taken a liking to and refuses to take off, and wave his… ahem… "Magic stick", as he likes to call it, (Miroku has taken to referring to his genitals as his "magic stick" ever since he got a hold of Kagome's 50 Cent CD.) in front of the lens. When he looks satisfied, he takes the now full tape out and sneaks back outside, unnoticed. Miroku drops the defiled tape into Inuyasha's mailbox and blissfully makes his way back to his own trailer to get a good night's sleep.

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"Holy fuck! What the fuck is this supposed to be?! That fucking bastard! Oh, my god! I'm fucking blind! I swear I don't know where that fucking dildo came from! I'm not fucking like that! Oh, holy fuck!"

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A very pissed-off director is facing a confused looking cast, excluding Inuyasha, all of which look like they'd seen better mornings. "Okay, here's the deal. The mutt's been sent to a mental therapist. Apparently he's scarred for life or something like that. Anyway, we've got a replacement for a few days while Inuyasha is convalescing." From behind the director's back steps none other than… Houjou. A white wig that looks more like a mop than anything and two scruffy phony white dog ears sits atop his head and he is wearing a bright red haori and hakkama.

"Konichi wa, minna-san!" he greets the rest of the cast optimistically who in return groan, already knowing that this isn't going to work out.

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Houjou, still substituting for Inuyasha, bends down so as to allow Kagome to clamber onto his back. As soon as she does, though, the boy faints.

"Cut!"

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"Okay, apparently Houjou has no physical strength whatsoever and will be in the hospital for awhile," explained the director to the rest of the cast.

Shippou thinks to himself, 'Man, this job is getting to be pretty dangerous; maybe I should think about retiring.'

"Humph! I don't weigh that much!" Kagome defends herself.

Kouga snorts arrogantly from beside the frustrated woman. "I beg to differ."

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Kouga is being carried away on a stretcher, wrapped in bandages, by paramedics. Kagome, as pissed as a fire hydrant, turns to the remaining and incredibly lucky by any standards cast. "Anybody else want to question my weight?"

Everyone nods "no" vigorously and begins to slowly back away from her.

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"Okay, we've got Inuyasha back. Everyone say 'Hello'."

"Hello!" everyone greets a nervous inu hanyou.

"Jell-O! You said Jell-O! IT wiggled like Jell-O! Oh, the horror!"

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The surprisingly very patient director stands in front of everyone after finally calming Inuyasha down. "I need to warn you. NO ONE is to say ANYTHING that could possibly relate to the little "magic stick" incident around Inuyasha. Understood?" Everyone nods.

"Wait, what exactly happened? I never got the full story," Rin asks in a deep womanly voice. (Rin is a small person in real life, not a little girl.)

Kagome pats Rin on the head. "I'll explain it when you're older, sweetie."

"I'm not a little girl, you stupid bitch." Kagome gasps, unbelieving.

"Such naughty language! You need a spanking, young lady!" Kagome then proceeds to pick Rin up, bend her over her knee, and spank her.

"I'm not a little girl! Oh, my god! This is so wrong! Help! I'm not a little girl!"

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Kagome and Sango are taking a relaxing bath in a hot spring. Kagome turns to the other girl. "I hate doing these bathing scenes. I feel like I'm back in Hollywood doing lesbian porn again."

"Cut!"

"Oh! The camera was rolling?!"

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"Inuyasha, this rickety old bridge doesn't look safe at all!"

"That's why you're going first." Inuyasha pushes Kagome onto the wooden swing bridge.

As soon as she steps onto the first wooden plank the overpass breaks and Kagome goes plummeting towards the ground while screaming. "I don't weigh that much!"

"Cut!"

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It is our regretful obligation to announce that this broadcast has been cancelled due to the death of actress Nijipeiro Kohana who played Higurashi Kagome.

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