InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Jailbirds ❯ Self Opinions ( Chapter 5 )

I'm sorry; excuses are pointless so that's all I can really say in regards to the lateness of this fic…

 

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I waited for Kagome's breathing to return to a light snore, and softly lowered myself to the floor. I walked into the dark bathroom, feeling around for my face-cloth. Finding it, I rinsed it and used it to wipe the sweat off my face and neck.

 

Those dreams always make me sweat. Probably because they're memories.

 

Every time… I wake up racked with guilt… why?

 

I looked over at Kagome, the grey light of morning allowing me to see her peaceful face.

 

Is it easier to sleep here when you're guilty? Come to think of it, she hasn't told me exactly why she's here… `trespass and stuff'? That could be anything.

 

I threw the cloth back onto the little rail under the sink. Suspicion growing in the back of my mind.

 

She seems nice enough, and she doesn't look like she's dangerous… her stuff… just in case.

 

I moved over to the alcove, and pulled out her little bag, there shouldn't be anything in it, but there was always a chance, the ones that were here before find ways to smuggle things in.

 

Carefully lifting out the contents and laying them on top of her pile of t-shirts, I felt around the lining of the bag, all the while keeping a close eye on her form.

 

Hmmm, only feels like some wads of cotton filling…

 

Returning the items and replacing the bag in what I hoped was the right position, I climbed back onto my bunk, taking care not to move it enough to wake her.

 

I'll ask her tomorrow… but then she might ask about me…

 

I dug under the pillow for my book, I never went back to sleep after a nightmare, which is why I had the book, Miroku said it bored him to tears and he always feel asleep reading it…

 

Heh, Miroku… he's a decent man underneath… Shaking my head in order to rid myself of thoughts of him, my curiosity brought my mind back to the girl below me.

 

She didn't even recognise me, most new girls flinch or step back when they find out who I am… she didn't bat an eyelid as she offered me her hand.

 

But then again, she did say she only read old crap, never newspapers, so it's no wonder… unless, she's a psycho and admires my `work'…it could be spilt personality or anything, despite what she said earlier, I don't think they'd give a shit about tossing some deranged tramp in with us, they'd probably hand her a knife…

 

I stared at the words on the page, I always found it strange how on every page the words kill and murder would stand out.

 

She's bound to ask sooner or later, what will I tell her? Should I bother to lie? Would she even believe the truth? What if she has seen the news and forgotten my face and name but not the story… I don't know if I can trust her yet. That's it! I'll just have to tell her straight, that I can't tell her yet, because I don't know her well enough…oh!! Then she'll ask someone else, and believe them!! They know nothing!!!

 

I banged the book repeatedly against my head, and suppressed a groan.

 

Maybe I can convince her, that I will tell her eventually… I just need time to sort it out in my head, I can always deny what the others say… but then I'll just look guiltier of it…

 

Sighing heavily, I knew I couldn't win against my thoughts, I would just have to try distract her if the subject ever came up.

 

I settled in to re-read Sherlock for the two dozenth time, waiting for the day to begin.

 

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I was weeding in the garden, once again going over the imaginary conversation I decided would happen, if and when Kagome asks about my crime.

 

So far, the morning had progressed fine, she hadn't asked anything more of the nightmare, and we just conversed about little things. My paranoia levels were off the charts.

 

I hate uncertainty!

 

Naturally, as a fighter, I always had to expect the unexpected, but that expectation soon turned into fear and paranoia, as the series of events that ended with me being here, began to spiral out of my control.

 

It's because I'm weak… Father always said, fear only over comes the weak, the strong can break through it and face it… I… I let it, I allowed it to happen, it's my fault, my own ignorance resulted in this…

 

A shadow appeared over me, and I picked up the trowel I hadn't noticed I had dropped until now.

 

It was Miroku.

 

He crouched down beside me.

 

“What did I tell you about not sleeping…” he said softly.

 

I just looked at him, why is he always watching for these things?

 

“I know you didn't sleep again last night.”

 

“Where you spying on me?”

 

He chuckled slightly, “no, the bags under your eyes, tell me so… if it keeps up, you'll make yourself sick.”

 

He looked up into my eyes, as if to tell me he was serious, he inched back slightly, to make sure we weren't touching off one another, it wouldn't be good for his career if he was.

 

“You don't want to get sick do you?” he let it hang until I shook my head `no'.

 

“A while ago, after you first came here, you told me you were a fighter, that you were going to fight against this, and restore honour to your name, I believed you when you said you were strong, and you have to stay strong in order to fight, you're making another appeal yes?”

 

I nodded. I never talked too him much outside of yelling and teasing. Men are only nice to me when they want something. He's no different… are you Miroku?

 

“If you keep having those nightmares, tell me and I'll look into something for your sleep, just try not to let it bother you, relax and meditate like you do in training, otherwise you'll drive yourself insane, ok?” he was smiling at me now, it appeared genuine, but that small part of my mind that hated men, insisted because he was a man, he was only using me.

 

I want to believe him, I want to believe he actually gives a damn, why won't you let me?

 

My mind did not answer.

 

“You hear me?” Miroku said again, rousing me from my brooding.

 

“Yeah… thanks, but how did you know about the nightmares? I never told you about them.” I inwardly cringed as my paranoid mind once again geared into action mentally attacking him.

 

He looked kind of shy now, oblivious of my internal battle.

 

“I hear sometimes, walking past, when you talk in your sleep, I kinda watch out for it, in case you fall, since I can't enter the cells when the occupant is sleeping… I'd have to alert one of the female wardens.” He sighed. “Get back to your weeding, it's almost time for dinner.”

 

With that he got up and left.

 

I was left there confused, and slightly worried.

 

If I can't decide what I want to believe myself, how can I expect others too believe me?

 

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Finally, they had served a food I liked and could eat!! Natto!

 

“Kagome, I can't believe you actually liked the thing most people here hate…” Sango muttered with a sigh.

 

She seems really tired. I knew I should have asked about it…

 

Happily shovelling my Natto into my mouth, I hummed along to a made up song.

 

Sango had finished her cuttlefish, I had traded her mine for more Natto, a trade she readily accepted, she sat across from me, her head held up by her hand, she looked to be in deep thought, so I kept eating.

 

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Kagura looking at us, being in the great mood I was, I decided, it was time to make friends with her.

 

“Kagura, come sit by us.” She jumped, seemingly caught off guard, and immediately got up and left.

 

Nice to see she's still her anti-social self…

 

I was determined not to let her spoil my mood as I finished my Natto, and stretched out my body as much as I could in the chair.

 

Sango returned to this world and smiled at me, but didn't say anything.

 

“So,” I grinned, “I do believe it is shower day, and I for one can't wait! I even worked that bit harder because I knew I could wash it all off!”

 

And I had worked harder, I hope I don't permanently smell of old books…

 

Sango just shook her head and chuckled, “if a shower and Natto is all it takes for you to be happy, men should be queuing up to marry you, it'd make their life easier that's for sure…” she mused.

 

“Well… I do have, did I suppose now, a marriage prospect… lets just hope he pulls through and waits for me with a ring on the other side…” I replied dreamily thinking of my honey-bunny.

 

Sango sat forward, a sly smirk on her face, “who is he? How'd you meet him? Is he rich? Does he have a car? Is he good… in the you-know-what department?” she was leaning across the table now.

 

“I didn't think you were such a gossip shark,” I teased.

 

“I never said I wasn't, now tell me everything. I've forgotten what it's like to have a relationship, I want every detail you can think of!” it was the first time, in my short time here, that I had seen her this interested in something.

 

“Well,” I started only to be cut off by the bell; we stood up and headed towards the line.

 

She put her hand on my arm, bringing my attention to her, “ya know what, I haven't been this excited over something in a long time, so do you mind saving it until after our showers, and then we can talk about it.”

 

“Sure I don't mind. Showers? Now?” I did a double take, we were in fact going a different way than normal, this white hallway looked slightly different.

 

“But don't we have to go back to our cells, to get clean clothes and stuff?” Sango laughed again.

 

“Kagome, I'm sorry you've been looking forward to the shower so much, but I have a feeling you're going to be very disappointed…” She answered, patting me on the back.

 

She was right.

 

We entered a large, cold and smelly room at the end of the hall way, grey steel lockers stacked along in rows in the centre of the room.

 

I followed behind Sango as everyone fell into order down the rows. When she stopped, I noticed the little shelves, had numbers on them, 6 was on the one directly behind Sango.

 

We're cell 6 so it must be ours.

 

A loud `OK' came from the far corner of the room, and all the women turned around and began to undress.

 

Not knowing what to do with myself, I turned around and stared at the locker, trying not to see anything.

 

I was nudged from the side, and I didn't need to look to know it was Sango.

 

Undressed women, turned and walked down towards I guessed the showers, and I turned to look at Sango.

 

Maybe there's a way I can get a swim suit or something…

 

At whatever way my head was angled at, the first thing I saw of Sango was her, uh, front bum. And I instantly whipped my head around the other way.

 

Sango whispered almost frantically, “Quick! get undressed Kagome, you'll get in trouble, now stop being a prude.”

 

A prude? She didn't understand…

 

“But,” I replied whispering as well, “but, what if there's, there's women here with… womanly preferences?”

 

“Lesbians?” she hmphed.

 

“Don't worry Kagome, I think you're safe, all the women here have the same parts you do, and have seen each others many times, no-one cares.”

 

Did she just call me ugly?

 

“Haven't you ever skinny dipped or gone to public baths or springs?”

 

I nodded. “We all had swim suits…”

 

She just laughed and reached for the hem of my t-shirt, when it got stuck on my head she let go.

 

I took it off the rest of the way and shoved it in the locker.

 

“Hurry up, or they'll make you stay here, and you'll have to shower with Miroku watching you! You don't want him jacking off to you cleaning yourself do you?”

 

God no!!!

 

I shyly, but hurriedly took off my clothes, constantly aware of Sango watching me, making sure I wasn't going to chicken out.

 

When I was finally naked, I tried pitifully to cover myself up with my hands, Sango just laughed and turned around, leaving me to follow.

 

I scurried behind her, and couldn't help but notice her figure.

 

I'm not a lesbian, but damn, she has a nice ass… I want one.

 

A warden I hadn't seen before gave us a bland glance over as we walked past her into the showers. She looked to be about the same age as my mother and the smug superior look on her face made me want to slap her.

 

What was that look for?

 

She looked to be about the same age as my mother and the smug superior look on her face made me want to slap her.

 

When I asked Sango she said it was because, she thought we were late because we were fooling around with each other.

 

I didn't know what to think about that.

 

The shower was a long room, with a common isle down the left hand side, on the other side were lots of cubicles containing the showers, no doors, no walls, nothing separating anyone. Each cubicle took thirteen girls. They were almost touching off each other as they washed, the space was so small.

 

We found two spaces in one of the middle cubicles, and Sango picked up soap from the floor and lathered herself up.

 

I just stood under the warm water, hoping it would wash away the world.

 

Then Sango handed me the funniest looking soap I had ever seen.

 

There was a rope going right through it.

 

I looked quizzically at it for a moment and Sango helpfully added, “Soap on a Rope.”

 

I could have figured that out by myself…

 

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A/N

 

Well that was as good a place as any to stop it I guess. But hey it was an update right? Please don't kill me!!

 

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Thank you to all those that have waited so long and have been so patient with me, but, I hope, because of my delay in updates for studying that I did better in my exams.

 

I hope to be able to update more frequently now, since, a detail about this fic that was never quite certain before, suddenly fell into place. Hopefully.

 

Thanks to those who reviewed, you're the ones that help me to keep writing:

 

Scorpinac: all questions will be answered soon, they're part of the plot so I can't exactly answer them here, but I hope your curiosity keeps you with this fic!!

kansas: aww you gave your review virginity to me, I'm really sorry bout the time to update, I won't even bother telling you excuses because they mean nothing! Sorry!

Inugrl2004: I owe you an apology too for the lateness, just like I owe everyone one!! Sorry!!

YoukaiObsessed: I'm reaaaallly sorry for the lateness in this, but because of that I updated moment instead… you don't really mind that do you?? *innocent look*

footekioosha: I dunno if you're reading this but, thanks for the advice and I don't really think this would be that good as an original, you'd have to kinda know the plot to know why, but who knows, maybe!!

inu fan1: thanks for the review, but calling me or any other author an a$$ isn't exactly the best method of getting an update…

 

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Once again a hundred apologies for being so late!!